Little Eyes are Watching: Raising Young Disciples

Little Eyes are Watching: Raising Young Disciples

By: Mark Loyet, Director of Pastoral Ministry

AS WE APPROACH the American institution and holiday of Thanksgiving, we are always called to reflect upon what we are thankful for. In many families, it is a time honored tradition that, just before sitting down or diving into the Thanksgiving meal, each individual will share something for which they are thankful. Then a prayer follows formally thanking God for the blessing named and acknowledging that every blessing comes from Him. Some families even make this a regular part of their prayer tradition.

I often reflect upon silently, and sometimes include in my prayers with others, the many gifts God has given me. One thing I am sure of is I am no where near as grateful as I ought to be for how good God has been to me. I have always loved Him and tried to do His will, but He outdoes me in generosity every time and by more than I can measure. I will never be able to thank Him enough.

Today, I want to share with you all one particular blessing which has been one of the most impactful in my life - my mother’s faith. Now of course we all have mothers, and likely everyone reading this article is as thankful for theirs as I am. But I want to focus on my mother’s faith because it is something that is unique and could very easily not have been a part of her or my life.

I was born and raised Catholic in St. Louis, MO (a.k.a “the Rome of the West.”) My childhood was fairly normal. We were middle class, I attended public school, and my parents separated when I was 4 years old and later divorced. Sadly, this last fact is/was fairly normal for youth. Fortunately, what was certainly not good in itself, i.e. the divorce, God used for our good. Immediately following the separation, my mother realized that one of the major problems contributing to the breaking of their marriage was their lack of faith and relationship with God. This led her to make an about face and return to the faith of her upbringing. Since I can remember, my mother has attended daily Mass, prayed the rosary daily, volunteered at her parish and in other ministries, and is one of the most genuinely devout people I have ever known.

I’ll be honest, I didn’t always appreciate all of those facts as a child. You see, she MADE me go to Mass on Sundays and holy days with her. She MADE me pray the rosary with her. She MADE me go with her to take communion to the elderly and sick (okay I have to admit I always enjoyed this because old people always keep sweets around for kids, and I genuinely loved those men and ladies because they were just such loving people). She MADE me do a lot of things that I didn’t want to do and didn’t fully understand as a child. It is important to note that she also MADE me go to school, and to the doctor, etc. etc. Despite me often really hating what was going on or resenting her for it, two facts remained: 1) Deep down I knew she was doing what she deeply believed to be right and her responsibility. 2) Deep down I knew it was right, even as a child. Never could I have honestly said, “This is wrong.”

I also want to point out that for most of my childhood, our parish did not have any sort of youth program whatsoever, other than PSR a.k.a. CCD classes on Monday nights...and they weren’t “fun.” For a couple of years the church tried to pull together a youth group, and I even attended once, but when all they did was play hot potato and talk about planning a hay ride, I decided I was never going back, and I never did. So I didn’t have what we often think of when we say “youth ministry” when I was growing up. And yet here I am. How did this happen? How can a young man grow up in a “broken home,” with no youth ministry, and not only remain Catholic, but go on to work for the Church? At times I have truly felt like an anomaly as I have watched so many of my friends and even family drift away from the Church.

Well, the answer eventually came to me. At some point years ago, I came to the realization that the profoundly real and lived faith of my mother didn’t merely convince me of the truth of our faith and God’s existence. Her living out the faith was the Catholic Faith made manifest in my life (like an incarnation) in such a way that I cannot help but identify as Catholic, and I truly experienced God Himself through my mother; I came to know Him through her. Needless to say, for this I am very thankful.

Friends, I am sharing this testimony with you for a reason. Many of you may know that I have been in Catholic youth ministry in various ways for 16 years now, and I was a juvenile probation officer in Texas for 7 years. Youth ministry is absolutely a good thing. But I am here to tell you, it is not the solution to the problem of youth leaving the church today. As a youth minister, I cannot evangelize a child with only 60-90 minutes a week (youth group) and a couple of trips or retreats throughout the year. If we want our youth to identify as Catholic, love God, and pass this beautiful faith on to their children, they need to be saturated in it. They need to grow up in an environment where prayer, sacraments, service, and Godly community permeate everything. That is what we were created for. Parents, there is no way to overstate the impact you can and will have on your children’s faith if you make your home the “domestic church” it is called to be. No one on this earth can shape their faith like you can. Now I know this may seem like a daunting task but it is really not as difficult as you might think. Let me simply share with you the recipe my mother used:

1. We prayed together every day (rosary, intentions, meals, etc.).

2. We went to Mass together every Sunday and Holy Day.

3. We went to Reconciliation together roughly monthly or more.

4. We talked about and learned the faith together (saints, scripture, history, etc.) (Note: My mom was not a theologian but she did her best and looked up answers when she didn’t know them.)

5. We served together (communion to the homebound, meals on wheels, visiting elderly, etc.)

6. She allowed me to question and respected my need to wrestle with the faith so I could grow. She didn’t allow me to skip Mass, but she didn’t belittle or shut me down when I had doubts. She was patient, did her best to help me, and prayed for me.

7. She did all these things and more even when she didn’t know I was watching. (e.g. If I had a penny for every time I caught her praying on her own, I wouldn’t need to work today.) Seeing her living out her faith in her own personal life is probably what impacted me the most.

Parents, your children are watching you more than you and even they realize. I cannot promise that this formula will guarantee that your children will all stay Catholic for their entire lives. What I can guarantee is that it will help, and you will have peace knowing you are doing what God has called us all as parents to do. Ultimately, children grow up and have to make their own choices. They will have to take ownership of their faith. The best thing we can do for them as parents is model for them a faith that they will want to make their own, and give them the tools to do so while we still can.

Mark Loyet is the Director of Pastoral Ministry at the Diocese of Shreveport