Mike’s Meditations: Holy Confusion

I am referring here to the phenomenon we experience when we hear or read something that we cannot mentally process. Many times, this process is blocked because the something we’ve read or heard is somehow adding to, subtracting from, challenging or even changing what we believe we know. Because this new information does not fit our already learned belief, we either ignore the new information, or we begin to ask new questions, search out new sources, and we might even talk to God about it.

The word confusion comes from the Latin confusione and can literally mean to mix with, or put together. When polar opposite ideas are mingled together, our minds cannot comprehend it and we can literally call this “confusion.”

Jesus said: “Do you think I have come to establish peace on the earth? No, I tell you, but rather division” Lk 12:51. Then, later he says: “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you” Jn 14:27. So, which is it? Did he come to leave us peace or not? When we try to logically and even literally mingle and mix these two statements of Jesus, we can become very confused.

“If anyone comes to me without hating his father, and mother, wife and children, brothers and sister, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple” Lk 14:26. He also says “honor your father and mother” Mt 15:4, and “love your neighbor as yourself” Mt 22:39. Again, what is Jesus saying? Must we hate our parents and even ourselves to be disciples? Or, do we honor our parents and love ourselves to follow Jesus? Confusing? If we sit with it for a while it is. If we ignore it and tell ourselves Jesus really didn’t mean it, we deny the confusion and forget about it. Which is easier? Which leads to spiritual growth?

As I look back on my own life, my spiritual growth has primarily come by allowing confusion to lead to questions - questions that jeopardize my old beliefs and allow God to transform me into someone new. Sometimes it is egopainful to admit I held such a limited view on some particular issue. At other times, it hurts to see others think I’m crazy because I’ve changed. “When his relatives heard this they set out to seize him, for they said, ‘He is out of his mind’” Mk 3:21. And wrestling with God about my questions can sometimes become the biggest struggle of all. Yet, when I’ve been willing to live in the confusion and share the experience with God, I come out of it radically changed.

The following is an example of how we might be confused with a church teaching. St. John Paul II, addressing Christian Unity in a Technological Age in 1984, said the needs of the poor take priority over the desires of the rich; the rights of workers over the maximization of profits; the preservation of the environment over uncontrolled industrial expansion; production to meet social needs over production for military purposes.

Likewise, the Catechism says: “Those who are oppressed by poverty are the object of a preferential love on the part of the Church which, since her origin and in spite of the failings of many of her members, has not ceased to work for their relief, defense, and liberation CCC 2444, 2448. In No. 94 of Economic Justice for All, the U. S. Bishops, as read on their website, repeat all of this as well. We commonly call all this teaching: “The Preferential Option for the Poor.” I have heard this phrase, “The Preferential Option for the Poor,” explained in many ways.

Would you be willing to take this Catholic teaching and sit with it throughout this month? Ask the deeper questions: What do I understand about this doctrine? Does any part of it make me feel inadequate or uncomfortable? How do I understand “Preferential?” How do I understand “Option?” Can you bring in new and expanding thoughts about it and mingle them with your current understanding? Are you experiencing any confusion? Will you ask God for his perspective? Will you ask him to transform you into who he wants you to become? As always, I don’t have your answers. Only you and God can come up with those.

Now this is just one issue that I’ve heard Catholics describe as “confusing.” You can come up with your own. The point is, with any issue you may ponder or consider, the next time you feel confused, rejoice! It might entail a lot of hard work, but you may be about to encounter Christ in such a new way that you will be changed forever. Begin 2021 in Holy Confusion and plan to spiritually grow more into the person you were created to be.

Mike Van Vranken is a spiritual director, a member of the teaching staff for the Archdiocesan Spirituality Center of New Orleans Formation of New Spiritual Directors, an author and a speaker. He can be contacted at mikevanvranken@comcast.net