The Healing Heart: The Story Of Post-Aborted Women

by Mary Arcement Alexander, Licensed Professional Counselor & Diocesan Victim Assistance Minister

We drove mostly in silence during the 90-mile ride to our destination. My heart was a mixture of sadness, relief, fear, disbelief, hurt and anger. He held my hand the entire way there, every now and again, peeking a glance at me. I struggled to look him in his eyes so instead I pretended that the scenery outside, which I had seen dozens of times before, interested me. He did not want to take this ride with me. He was excited about the possibility of what could be. He was doing what he thought he was supposed to do, be a supportive boyfriend. I, on the other hand, was riddled with fear. The kind of fear that feels debilitating. The kind of fear that tells you the decision you are about to make is the only decision. The kind of fear that convinces you once it is all done you will be fine because the “problem” will soon be solved. The kind of fear that comes only from the enemy.

The above paragraph comes from an outline I wrote for a possible book idea about post-aborted women. I have not actually written the book, rather I am currently pulling ideas together that are a combination of different postaborted women I have counseled over the years, people I have met along the way who have openly shared their stories of abortion, and my own creative writing which I give the Holy Spirit full credit. As a woman, a mental health clinician and a Catholic, I want to write from the prospective of post-aborted women mainly because I believe too many people still cast harsh judgements against them and as a result, make assumptions that simply are not true.

Fear is the number one driving force for most women who choose abortion. As mentioned above, this kind of fear comes from the enemy. This statement does not mean I am making excuses for post-aborted women, rather I am emphasizing the enormous impact Satan has on them when they are most vulnerable, most ashamed, and most misguided by the world around them. If you have a woman in your life that you know is post-aborted or if you have recently found out about a friend or other’s abortion, I encourage you to do the following for her: first, love on her anyway that is available. She needs to know you are loving her not judging her. Second, encourage her to share her story, on her terms and in her time. Let her know that shame and guilt grow best in “darkness,” when they are tucked away as a dirty little secret. When we talk about our shame and guilt, we cast a light on the darkness, a light that eventually casts out the darkness. Third, strongly encourage her to make a good confession (if she’s Catholic), to seek professional help and to consider giving herself the gift of a healing heart through Rachel’s Vineyard retreat that was created for the post-aborted woman.

Brothers and sisters, the girl or woman who chooses abortion is not bad, she is broken and wounded, often in ways she herself is not aware of. Pray for her, love her, care for her, let her know you either understand or you are willing to understand. To my post-aborted sister in Christ, please know that you are good, you are worthy, you are forgiven, you can heal your heart, you can break free from the shame and guilt that bind you. How? Through Jesus, who is the “Light” that shines brighter than the darkest darkness.