THE FAMILY THAT PRAYS TOGETHER

In an article in our November issue, talking about Advent, we quoted Pope Francis speaking of the importance of family prayer. It’s been said that sometimes people need to be reminded more often than we need to be instructed, so here’s a reminder of his words: “Dear families: do you pray together from time to time as a family? … It is what makes the family strong: prayer”. Lent, like Advent, is a graced time to draw closer to Christ; to reflect on our prayer life as individuals and as families or communities, whatever shape our particular family takes, and commit to going deeper. I asked some of our people about prayer in their families, and some common themes came through. Here’s what they shared with us.

DEACON HENK GIELEN PARISH OF ALL SAINTS-BY-THE-SEA, TAURANGA

For family prayer in our house we simply said a decade of the Rosary: at times it was difficult but this was said every night, come what may. To pray each night with children is difficult and perseverance is required. As I turned the tv off for prayer the children would have many distractions and it was hard to settle them down, but I believed this was so important I would let nothing stand in the way of family prayer. The goal behind family prayer was for the family to experience Christ and for each child to know Christ personally, and I was always seeking the Holy Spirit to this end .The Holy Spirit too wants us to experience Jesus personally for ourselves. I think this is the crux of prayer: this was always foremost in my mind and for me prayer was about a type of waiting on the Lord, so as we prayed it was always about waiting and expecting God to show up, as it were, which he always did.

We went to Mass each Friday at 5pm then had fish and chips, and our Sunday obligation was always followed by cream buns and some treats: the idea was that Mass was remembered as something nice. God was an important part of our lives and we always prayed for his direction when faced with important decisions. As I was growing up my Dad would lead us in a family Rosary each night. As we prayed there would be a change, l would sense God in the prayer so God was not taught but caught, as it were. So in my turn I was doing the same for my family, “passing God on”. To pass Jesus on in this way is a gift from the Holy Spirit that doesn’t come from ourselves but from God. I believe God wants everyone to have this gift which comes through prayer and knowing Jesus personally.

EVE MCKOY ST PIUS X PARISH, HAMILTON

Thank you for the opportunity to share our experience of family prayer time with you. Sam and I have been married for nine years, and God has blessed us with Trevor, 8, Clare, 5, and Bethany, 2. We do our family prayer every day after dinner, sitting around the table after the kids finish doing their little home chores.

Family prayer time is important to us because we have learnt from other experienced parents that it’s more effective to start forming our children’s prayer life and love of God when they are little. This is a golden age when they are very receptive, just like a sponge, and they’re capable of absorbing what we teach them. It’s also beneficial for

the kids to see us adults praying. Being the natural role model for them, our example is more compelling than words alone to convince them of the necessity of daily prayer. We believe the tradition and culture of family prayers instills in kids a sense of their Christian identity as a child of God, and this daily commitment of connecting with Our Lord and Our Lady will keep strengthening their relationship with the Lord and the saints.

Family prayer time unites us with our extended families and friends, especially those who are sick, dying, suffering and the souls in Purgatory. By praying for them, our kids learn to grow in compassion for the needy and poor, and to have more faith that our loved ones will be praying for us when we struggle. We pray one decade of the Rosary, contemplating the mystery at the beginning of the prayer using a children’s Rosary book. We also use children’s prayer books, a children’s Bible, and saints’ story books for kids, so they can be proud to know and say their own prayers. Family prayer enables us to use the Gospel to study Our Lord and appreciate his merciful love for us. We use “iPray With the Gospel” (a free app) for contemplating both the Gospel reading and the saint of the day.

Despite our limitations - sometimes we pray poorly due to distractions (one technique that seems to help is letting Clare and Bethany do some colouring while they wait for their turn to pray out loud) or our prayer time is shortened due to laziness - we believe the invisible grace of our Lord has continuously transformed us and the kids to be more joyful and faithful like him. Sam is not Catholic but he does appreciate the Christian values and desires our children to thrive in their faith, to be kind and strong for everyone. And I think he secretly likes the kids and me praying for him and his intentions.

Family prayer helps our kids to love Christian ideals by exposing them to stories of saints - the real super-heroes - so that they become more receptive to God’s vocational calling for them and will be more inspired to answer God’s calling with courage.

MIKE BAIRD CATHEDRAL PARISH, HAMILTON

We didn’t start family prayer until our eldest child started at a state school. Kate and I realised it was up to us to model prayer as our daughter wouldn’t see it anywhere else outside of Sunday Mass. Our first attempts at family prayer were simply saying grace before every meal. We eventually established a family culture where prayer was part of who the Baird family were.

The main family prayer time of the day was in the evening. Once dinner was finished we would leave the dishes on the table and go directly into the lounge for prayer time. This was non-negotiable even though there was always “urgent stuff” that needed doing, like homework or ringing someone. This was hard to start with but once the pattern was established it worked. By the time the children reached teenage years it was routine. This prayer time always happened, even when we had guests who might be non-believers.

A candle was lit in front of a crucifix and I would say a spontaneous opening prayer. It was important for the children to see Dad leading the prayer time even though it was usually Mum who made sure it happened. Then each of the children were encouraged to say a thank you prayer, a prayer for someone else and a prayer for themselves. We would finish with an Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be and a song. Our son refused to say anything until he was seven when his eldest sister left for university, and then he suddenly started praying for her during these prayer times. Perseverance paid off in the end.

Sometimes our evening prayer was playing a game together with an opening prayer at the start and a closing prayer at the end. This could be Bible charades, which was very popular, a board game or anything else where we could enjoy each other’s company. We told the children Jesus loved watching us have fun together. It broadened their understanding of what prayer could be. We also started playing Christian music in the home, morning and evenings. We explained to our children this was a type of prayer as the songs usually were based on scripture. The music was appropriate to the children’s ages but also much of it was adult Christian music.

As well as prayer after dinner, we made time for prayer all through the day.

In the morning: Before I went to work we called the children into the kitchen or lounge and I would pray a blessing of protection over them. This sometimes included prayer for anything happening that day, like exams or sports events. Before car trips: Any long trip always started with prayer in the van. A friend once commented he saw our family in the van at a petrol station all doing the sign of the cross. He knew what was happening.

At bedtime: Every child had one or the other of us pray with them once they were in bed.

Before meals: We would say grace before every meal, even when at a restaurant or at McDonalds. The children accepted this as part of what we did. When the children turned sixteen, a family tradition was to take the child to a restaurant of their choice where they would say grace. I remember this happening with our son, and at the end of our meal, before we left, a man approached our table to say thank you to our son for the witness he was in saying grace. Doing the sign of the cross made it obvious what we were doing.

The children knew we would pray for anything at any time, like when then they were sick or had concerns about school. We had holy water fonts in their bedrooms from which we would bless them and sometimes they would bless us.

We continue with this family prayer routine to this day, even though our children have all left home. Of course, now they and the grandchildren come to stay, and we pray together, and so the tradition of family prayer continues and is passed on again.