Introduction

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Introduction

When Dante wanted to describe the lowest reaches of hell in his epic poem Inferno, he turned to sins of betrayal . For Dante there was no worse sin than to betray an intimate relation . The jovial friar Alberigo of Faenza had two of his kinsmen murdered during a banquet . It was said that the sign made by the friar to the assassins was “Bring on the fruit” . Dante tells that for this act of betrayal the friar received payment, date for fig (that is, a more expensive fruit in place of the cheaper figs, or punishment harsher than the crime), in the ninth circle of hell . Branca d’Oria, meanwhile, killed his father-in-law while he was a guest in Branca’s house . His fate, too, was to be encased in a frozen crust of despair . Amongst all the desperate souls present in hell, these souls were assigned to the very last station, encountered as Dante concluded his tour of that forlorn place .

There is no doubt that sins committed within the family are hard to bear . What is there to say when faced by domestic abuse and adultery, or even just quarrels and unruly children? It seems barely possible for brothers and sisters, husbands and wives, to live at peace with each other over any extended period of time . The idea that a family might be united can seem remote indeed, the vision

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of Psalm 132 (133) a mirage: “How good and how pleasant it is, brothers dwelling in unity!”

Then there are the difficulties we experience from the frailty of the human body, whether illness, miscarriage, old age, disability and many more kinds besides . And when someone dies, then death takes its toll on those left behind . Families are also economic units, and some of the keenest challenges we face in family life arise from unemployment, poverty or debt . Who would not feel crushed by an inability to provide for those who are nearest and dearest? All of this occurs in an existence that is shared with others . What, then, when others treat us or our family members unfairly?

Families generally try to keep such difficulties to themselves . One of the effects of this is that we can each think our own family is unique in its woes . But when you look at the statistics, you quickly realise that heart-rending circumstances are the norm . While rates and levels vary from one country or situation to the next, we see astonishingly high amounts of divorce, debt, illness, unemployment, abuse, discrimination, and so on . One study a few years ago found that couples argue an average of 312 times a year . Every family has its own share of troubles .

This booklet is not a self-help guide . The intention is not to offer solutions to these many problems that we experience in our families . As an author, I wouldn’t want to suggest that this booklet is likely to provide a straightforward “happy ending” to your difficulties . It is not possible to wish away

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our difficulties . Rather, the booklet is intended as a Godhelp guide . Its immediate purpose is to draw attention to ways that God has helped other families in the past . Is it possible to experience difficult family circumstance in any other way than through a crust of despair? Can we live in ways that do not involve lapsing into bitterness? As the booklet unfolds, we will look at each of the main sets of difficulties that we identified above, and see grounds for hope .

On one memorable occasion, Pope Benedict visited the Shroud of Turin . The shroud is a length of linen cloth that many hold to be the garment in which Christ was buried in the tomb . The Pope said that the shroud is an image of Christ, one that reminds us that God’s voice echoed in the realm of death on Holy Saturday . The Pope went on to say:

The unimaginable occurred: namely, Love penetrated “hell” . Even in the extreme darkness of the most absolute human loneliness we may hear a voice that calls us and find a hand that takes ours and leads us out . Human beings live because they are loved and can love; and if love even penetrated the realm of death, then life also even reached there . In the hour of supreme solitude we shall never be alone . 1

Are these words a truth that each one of us can actually experience, or are they the pious musings of a remote religious figurehead? Is it true that Christ can be present to

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us in our despair and isolation, and that he can lead us out of it? In the Gospels, Christ often reaches out to families who are in need, rather than just to individuals . The stories in this booklet, at least, tell of how others today have seen Christ be present alongside them in their darkness .