Prime Magazine by Cayce Cunningham

Issue #4 Nov. 2011

Table of Contents

Letter from the Editor

Editorial Staff

The Adonis Complex

New Workouts

FEATURE: BIGorexia

Health Recipes for Men

FEATURE: Where Stress Hides

This Winter’s Men’s Fashion

Dating Your Friend’s Ex

A Letter from the Editor PRIME Magazine was a personal dream of mine to create since high school. I desired an informative, unbiased approach to how men think of themselves. The magazine was designed to help men have a factual source of information that is current and up to date with all of the latest news on health and wellness. I hope to inspire men to achieve the body image they want without doing it alone. PRIME will update itself every week with issues from mental health to diseases that plague men and offer solutions or ways to protect you. It will have techniques on losing weight, gaining muscle, and having an overall healthy lifestyle. The magazine will promote healthy living without bombarding the reader with biased material on products and services that they â&#x20AC;&#x153;needâ&#x20AC;?. I hope that through this publication, men will come to understand that they can still have fun with life and live healthy without being so overly concerned with achieving a perfect body. Though the magazine is centered around menâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s health, we will also provide information on current issues in the world from global to locally here at home. Sincerely,

Cayce Cunningham Editor in Chief

Editorial Staff nningham Editor in Chief Cayce Cu ha Patel Managing Editor Lees ikolajczak Senior Editor Devon M Sheri Garvin Akard Associate Editor Emily Jacie Nordstrom Kelsey Marra sha Bannon Contributing Editor Ta Monika Hamm Jennifer Egler chel Jewell Editorial Assistant Ra ndo Art Director Ben Rosa Production Assistant

Jeremy Steiner

The growing movement of men towards a physically perfect body fueled by media.

niggering at celebrities’ expanding waistlines is a favourite pastime of the tabloids and gossip magazines.

We’re used to seeing male stars such as Robbie Williams nicknamed ‘Blobby Robbie’ while picture captions ask ‘Who ate all the pies?’. Robbie isn’t the only male celebrity to get flak for his flab.

Gladiator star Russell Crowe was nicknamed ‘The Flabiator’ for putting on a few pounds, while Leonardo DiCaprio and Friends’ star Matthew Perry get as much stick for being too fat or scrawny as female stars such as Amy Winehouse and Lily Allen.

Pressure is On

For men, such criticism is relatively new. Women have been bombarded for decades with images of impossibly perfect girls in magazines, films and on TV, and psychologists believe this exposure has contributed to the rise in eating disorders. Some experts now argue that the media is having a similar impact on men’s self-esteem. Steve Bloomfield of the Eating Disorders Association (Beat) says men account for about 10 per cent of the UK’s 90,000 anorexics and bulimics, and warns that their numbers are growing.

‘The causes are the same in men and women: trauma, depression and social pressures like the media. As concern with the body beautiful rises, so do male eating disorders.’

But Bloomfield explains that while women starve themselves

(anorexia), or make themselves sick or use laxatives to get slim (bulimia), male sufferers worry they’re too small so work out to achieve their ideal muscular physique.

When working out becomes a problem

Gym membership in the UK has risen steadily in the last 10 years, with a recent survey by Sport England finding 4.2 million of us visit a gym at least once a month. Clinical psychotherapist Dr Roberto Olivardia says there is nothing wrong with working out.

But if your self-esteem depends entirely on your appearance, and your exercise regime disrupts your social and working life, you may be suffering from a body image disorder. ‘Engaging in dangerous practices such as fasting, dehydration, and steroid use are red flags that the pursuit of muscularity has become excessive,’ he says.

Obsessive behaviour

Former fitness instructor Adam Campbell’s exercise regime became obsessive when he went to university. ‘I’d been weight training since I was 14 when I was very skinny and decided I wanted biceps. Building myself up brought me recognition from my peers. ‘But I put on weight at uni, living on beer and pizza. And when someone said I was looking a bit chubby, I was gutted. Soon I was working out for four hours every day.’ As well as injuring himself through overexertion, Adam developed an eating disorder. ‘I’d binge on junk food like burgers and chocolates. I once had 1.5 kilos of chocolate in one go. Half an hour

later, I was on an exercise bike. I’d binge, feel guilty and work out even harder.’ Adam didn’t recognise he had a problem until he began training as a fitness instructor after graduating. Now he exercises sensibly but suspects some men who train at his gym have body image disorders. ‘You get huge guys coming in every night training for three or more hours.’

Men and muscles

People with eating disorders have a distorted image of their true size (body dysmorphia). Research from the USA shows that many body-builders think they are puny. At its most extreme, this is known as muscle dysmorphia or ‘bigorexia’ (reverse anorexia). But Dr Olivardia says that almost all men equate muscles with masculinity. Most of the 1,000 men he and two other psychologists surveyed for their book, The Adonis Complex, said that they would ideally like to have 28lb more muscle than the average build.

And a 2006 study of 507 adolescents by the Centre for Appearance Research found that while the same sorts of factors produced disordered eating, “For girls, it’s about being very thin. For boys this was about being muscular in tone,’ says lead author Dr Emma Halliwell. Clinical psychologist Dr Louise Payne says such studies show how important looking good is to teenagers’ sense of self-esteem and acceptability. ‘Our society is saturated with images of the people we ought to find attractive, and there is considerable pressure on adolescent boys to conform to these ideals,’ she adds.

Addressing the problem

Dr Olivardia warns that it is difficult to tackle men’s anxieties about their body image, because they fear being labelled effeminate. ‘We need to ensure that men who admit to these problems are not criticised,’ he says. ‘Men must learn not to be taken in by images in the media. You shouldn’t feel bullied into looking perfect.

‘Being a successful man is about far more than having big muscles.’ Anorexics have low body fat and could be starving themselves of essential nutrients, increasing their risk of heart disease and osteoporosis (bone thinning disease). Over-exercising can cause injury such as strained muscles and ligaments.

What should you do if you think a friend is anorexic?

Psychologist Ian Williamson, an expert in male eating disorders, advises: ‘Don’t rush in accusing someone of having an eating disorder. Try to encourage them to share their anxieties, maybe by discussing your own body image.’

Muscle Dysmorphia Muscle dysmorphia or bigorexia is a disorder in which a person becomes obsessed with the idea that he or she is not muscular enough. Those who suffer from muscle dysmorphia tend to hold delusions that they are “skinny” or “too small” but are often above average in musculature. Sometimes referred to as reverse anorexia nervosa, or the Adonis Complex, muscle dysmorphia is a very specific type of body dysmorphic disorder. In this disorder a person is preoccupied with thoughts concerning appearance, especially musculature. Muscle dysmorphia is strictly connected with selective attention: individuals selectively focus their attention on perceived defect (too skinny body, underweight etc.). They are hypervigilant to even small deviations from perceived ideal and they ignore information that their body image is not consistent with reality. There is also a hypothesis that individuals repeat negative and distorted selfstatements concerning their appearance to such extent that they become automatic. Muscle dysmorphia influences person’s mood often causing depression or feelings of disgust. This is often connected with constant comparing of a person’s body to unattainable ideal.

What should you do if you think a friend is anorexic?

New Workouts

Around the World Plank Replaces: Plank

How to do it: Place both feet on a bench, and assume a pushup position. Brace your core. Then, without dropping your hips or moving your feet, make a full revolution around the bench by “walking” your hands all the way around it. Do 4 revolutions, resting 60 seconds in between revolutions. Benefit: The stabilizing muscles in your abs, upper and lower back, and shoulders work harder than they would in a traditional plank.

Anti-Rotation Crunch Replaces: Crunch

How to do it: Attach a rope to the low pulley of a cable station and lie on your back alongside the stack. With both hands, hold the rope in front of your chest. Perform a crunch, arms locked, and don’t let your torso rotate (even though the cable pulls you sideways). Pause, and return to the starting position. Do 15 reps, switch sides, and repeat. That’s 1 set. Do another set of 12, and a final set of 10. Rest 45 seconds between sets.

Benefit: You’re boosting the intensity and efficiency of a traditional crunch, and your abs have to work harder to prevent rotation.

Side Plank with Low-Cable Row Replaces: Side plank

How to do it: Attach a handle to the low pulley of a cable station and lie on your side, facing the stack. Grab the handle with your top hand. Raise up into a side plank: knees straight, upper body propped on your elbow and forearm. Pull the handle to your rib cage; keep your hips pushed up and forward. Slowly extend your arm. Do 10 to 15 reps, switch sides, and repeat. Do 2 more sets, resting 60 seconds between sets.

Benefit: By engaging your lats, the fanshaped muscles in your back, you increase torso stability and muscle endurance.

Back Extension with Alternating Dumbbell Row Replaces: Back extension

How to do it: Holding a dumbbell in each hand, position yourself in a back-extension machine so that your torso is parallel to the floor. Without rounding your back, row the dumbbell in your right hand toward your rib cage. Lower, and repeat with your left hand. That’s 1 rep. Complete 3 sets of 8 reps, resting 60 seconds between sets.

Benefit: As your entire body works to stabilize your spine, you’re boosting endurance in often-neglected muscles: spinal erectors, glutes, and hamstrings.

Medicine-Ball Pike Replaces: Swiss-ball pike

How to do it: Assume a pushup position, but with your feet on a medicine ball. Keep in a straight line from your head to your ankles. Without bending your knees, roll the medicine ball toward your hands by raising your hips as high as you can and rolling the ball with your feet. Pause, and reverse back to the starting position without letting your hips sag. Complete 3 sets of 15 reps, resting 45 seconds between sets. Benefit: You improve balance and engage your hip flexors and rectus abdominis— your six-pack muscles.

any women suffer from anorexia, and now men have a similar disorder. It’s called dysmorphia, and if you body build, you may know what I’m talking about. The worst thing about this disorder is that some guys might have it and be completely unaware. what is dysmorphia?

Muscle dysmorphia is the opposite of anorexia. Unlike anorexia, which makes one believe that they’re overweight, dysmorphia bequeaths the illusion that one does not have big enough muscles.

People with the illness constantly imagine that their body needs to change even though it is fine by normal standards. It is still a relatively new psychological disorder; doctors at Brown and Keele University in England discovered this disorder not too long ago, but it is definitely real.

Dysmorphia is an obsessive-compulsive disorder that affects a person’s perception of their body image. Most men who have this psychological illness are rather muscular when compared to the rest of the population, but they none-the-less wear baggy clothes and refuse to take their shirts off in public out of fear of being ridiculed because of their (anticipated) small size.

It can be quite serious and needs to be treated. Dysmorphia might not have as direct an impact on a man’s health as anorexia, but its repercussions can still have grave effects on a person’s life. Some of the symptoms can cause irreparable damage to the body and the negative impact it can have on one’s social life can take years to fix. do you have dysmorphia?

Men who have this illness will spend countless hours at the gym every day, lifting weights obsessively. They will always check to see if they gained mass, and constantly complain that they are too thin or too small and need to bulk up. They will be fixated on eating the right things and adjust their entire life around gaining mass. It might sound like virtually every guy at the gym, but dysmorphia is an extreme case of bodybuilding on the brain.

Men with this condition exaggerate every aspect of bodybuilding to the point of delusion. Eating the right food will not simply be a conviction; it’s going to be a phobia. Time spent away from the gym will cause anxiety and stress, and life outside the gym will suffer.

Social life, job opportunities, work, dates, and anything else that can interfere with time spent at the gym will take a backseat. In extreme cases of dysmorphia, men will over-workout until they damage their muscles, sometimes permanently. and then, they turn to steroids...

Finally, they will often ponder using illegal steroids. Using steroids does not necessarily mean you have dysmorphia. But if you are in great shape, are not planning on doing any competitive bodybuilding, or don’t “need” to bulk up for any professional reasons, yet still feel the need to take steroids, then you might have a problem.

If any of this rings a bell, don’t freak out just yet. Some guys might have all those symptoms and still not have dysmorphia. It all depends on how much bodybuilding controls your life. If you can’t let go of the gym as easily as you might want to due to extreme feelings of anxiety — unlike the negligible anxiety you feel when you stop an old habit — then you should look into the matter.

bodybuilding increases in popularity, more and more people will develop dysmorphia. treating dysmorphia

Like anorexia, dysmorphia is complicated to treat. Patients usually have a hard time admitting they have a distorted image of their body. The first step, and usually the most important one, is making a person see their body for what it actually is; that it is fine and doesn’t need to be changed. The best treatment for dysmorphia is cognitivebehavioral therapy. This form of therapy forces the patient to analyze his problem using logical steps. The process forces the person to rationalize his condition and find a cure that will suit him best. Certain drugs can also help speed up the recovery process.

In either case, family members, friends and peers will have to convince the person that he has a problem and help him surmount the ordeal. Pointing out all the negative consequences his condition has brought about is one of the many different techniques used in treating this disorder.

developing dysmorphia

Consult a mental health counselor, psychiatrist and other professionals if you know anybody who has this disorder. Men with dysmorphia will rarely seek out help themselves.

Men are more likely to develop the disorder than women. As you may have guessed, dysmorphia is a fabrication of today’s physical stereotypes. Culturally, males are supposed to be big and strong. Men in magazines, movie heroes and male comic book characters are often depicted as strong, perfect specimens, so like anorexia, the stereotype influences the gender it refers to.

Dysmorphia might still not get the same level of attention as anorexia, but as time goes by, more and more people are becoming aware of this relatively new mental illness. Remember, it is best to consult an expert when dealing with such problems. Dysmorphia can have dire consequences, so stay sharp and don’t be afraid to help out a friend in need.

The disorder preys on men’s insecurities. With the “perfect” male stereotype becoming more and more cartoonish and clearly defined, some men feel they need to match the images that constantly bombard us. Scientists predict that as

12 BIGorexia

still not mainstream

Healthy Recipes Chicken and Garlic Wrap

NUTRIONAL INFO 441 calories 13g protein 36g carbs 28g fat 3g fiber

INGREDIENTS 3 tbsp lemon juice pinch of salt 2 tbsp olive oil 2 tsp ground allspice 1 tbsp ground coriander 3 tbsp chopped fresh cilantro leaves 2 1/2 lbs boneless, skinless chicken thighs, fat trimmed 6 white flatbreads 2 large handfuls shredded iceberg lettuce TOMATO-PARSLEY SALAD 3 handfuls fresh Italian parsley, chopped 1 vine-ripened tomato, diced 1/2 small onion, thinly sliced

YOGURT & GARLIC SAUCE 8 cloves garlic 2 tsp salt 3 tbsp lemon juice 1/2 cup sunflower oil 3/4 cup olive oil 1/2 cup plain yogurt 2 tsp sumac

MAKE IT 1) Preheat the outdoor grill to medium-high heat. 2) Combine the lemon juice, salt, oil, spices, and cilantro in a large bowl. Add the chicken and toss to coat. 3) Grill the chicken 4 to 5 minutes on each side, or until cooked through. Cut into bite- size pieces. 4) Meanwhile, to make the yogurt and garlic sauce, combine the garlic, salt, and lemon juice in a blender until smooth. Gradually add the oils in a thin, steady stream while the motor is still running, until the sauce has thickened; fold in the yogurt and sumac. 5) To make the salad, combine the parsley, tomato, and onion.

6) To assemble, place the flatbreads on the grill for about 5 to 10 seconds to warm slightly, then spread the yogurt and garlic sauce over them. Arrange the tomato-parsley salad, lettuce, and chicken on top. Roll up to enclose and cut in half to serve.

Chicken and Garlic Wrap

NUTRIONAL INFO 354 calories 35g protein 33g carbs 8g fat 3g fiber

INGREDIENTS 1 6-inch whole-wheat baguette 4 oz trimmed bison sirloin Olive oil spray 1/4 cup onion slivers 3/4 oz light provolone cheese, sliced 2 tsp sliced, pickled hot chilies (optional) 1 tbsp ketchup

MAKE IT 1.) Cut the bread lengthwise so it opens like a book. 2.) Place the steak flat on a cutting board. To shave it for the sandwich, hold a very sharp knife at a 45-degree angle and cut the meat into slivers. (You’re basically tearing the steak until it’s all shaved. The pieces should be cut much more finely than if they were simply sliced.) 3.) Place a nonstick skillet over medium-high heat and mist it with spray. Add the onion. Cook, stirring frequently, for 4 to 7 minutes, or until tender and caramelized. Remove from the pan and cover to keep warm. 4.) Turn the heat to high and add the bison shavings. Pull apart the shavings using a couple of wooden spoons or spatulas to ensure even browning as the shavings cook. Cook for 2 minutes, or until the steak is just barely pink on the inside and lightly browned on the outside. Pile it toward one side of the pan and turn the heat down to medium. Place the cheese over the pile of meat. Add the open baguette, cut side down, to the empty side of the pan, and toast until it’s a light golden brown. Open the baguette on a plate. 5.) When the cheese is melted, use a spatula to transfer the meat evenly to the baguette. Top with the onions and chilies, if desired, followed by the ketchup.

Learn to wrestle out of fearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s grasp and regain control of your life BY: EMILY AKARD

he best explanation of stress we’ve ever heard comes from Stanford neurobiologist Robert Sapolsky, Ph.D., the author of Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers. “If you are a normal mammal,” he says, “stress is the 3 minutes of screaming terror on the savanna after which either it’s over with or you’re over with.”

If you’re a human mammal, however, stress comes from something more insidious than a toothy predator: anxiety triggered by the passive-aggressive boss, the 30-year mortgage, and the job of caring for children as well as the ill parent who believes General MacArthur wants him to lead a division into Pyongyang Province.

No wildebeest would understand these fears, but the perceived threats spark the same physiological survival responses that crocodile attacks do. Here’s where modern stress bites your body and how to fight back.

Your Brain

Who is working on their stress? Done a lot to reduce stress Male: 4.4% Female: 5.0%

Done some to reduce stress Male: 30.6% Female: 32.9% Done few to reduce stress Male: 14.3% Female: 14.6%

Done nothing to reduce stress Male: 50.4% Female: 47.1%

Chronic secretion of the stress hormone cortisol can trigger memory loss, depression, and three-bourbon lunches.

THE FIX Don’t be so damned conscientious at work. A Canadian study of 2,737 employees found that when people thought their poor job performance could seriously impact their coworkers, company, or environment, their job stress increased. Workers who didn’t see their jobs as careers were less likely to report stress. The lesson: Take a day off. The company won’t go under if you’re AWOL for 9 hours. (Note: This does not apply to air-traffic controllers.)

Your Hair

Researchers at the University of Western Ontario may have found a new way to measure chronic stress: Pluck a few hairs. They took follicle samples from more than 100 men, half of whom were hospitalized for heart attacks, and found that hair cortisol was higher in the heart patients. Since hair grows about 1 centimeter a month, researchers used 3-centimeter samples as a record of stress levels over the previous 3 months. Scientists say the findings bolster the theory that chronic stress contributes to heart attack just as acute stress does. THE FIX Earn a promotion. With power comes control, suggests research from the Columbia University business school. Study participants were designated as either leaders or subordinates, with the leaders given duties that granted them a sense of power. Meanwhile, half the people in both groups were asked to steal $100 and lie about it. Subordinates who had to lie showed physical stress reactions and high cortisol levels. But lying bosses displayed no such markers of stress, suggesting that even in stressful situations (forced to lie), people feel little or no anxiety if they have power and control.

Your Nervous System When you’re stressed, hormones flood your body, helping you focus your attention, sharpening your vision, and preparing your muscles to take action.

THE FIX Tap the power. For short periods, facing adversity can energize you to handle challenges. Recently, University at Buffalo researchers monitoring 2,398 people found that those who’d experienced some adversity scored higher on measures of mental health and life satisfaction than those who’d seen either high levels of adversity or none at all. “In moderation, whatever doesn’t kill us may indeed make us stronger,” says study author Mark Seery, Ph.D.

Your Muscles

Neck and back tension caused by mental stress, plus long days spent hunched over a computer keyboard, can trigger pain.

THE FIX Try the corner stretch. Stand facing the corner of a room. Raise your elbows to shoulder height, and place your forearms, elbows, and palms against each wall. Lean in to flex your chest and back muscles. Hold for 15 seconds, breathing deeply. Do this every 2 hours or whenever you feel tight.

Your Gut

Increased stomach acid from stress can churn your gut and loosen your bowels. Stress can even alter the way your body processes fat, causing you to store more of it in your abdomen.

THE FIX Twist yourself into a pretzel and laugh, laugh, laugh. “Laughter yoga” practitioners swear that combining yogic breathing and stretching techniques with forced laughter helps them cope better with life’s stresses. Studies have already demonstrated the ability of yoga to ease stress and lower blood pressure. And laughing appears to do the same. For example: Two reports presented at the 2009 American College of Sports Medicine’s annual meeting showed that people who watched comedies had more-pliable blood vessels and improved bloodflow for up to 24 hours after the chuckling commenced.

Your DNA

Not only can stress make you flatulent, but it can screw with your DNA too. A 24-7 bath of stress hormones can cause telomeres to shorten. Telomeres are genetic structures that protect the ends of chromosomes; if they shorten too much, cells can no longer multiply. THE FIX Meditate. A recent Harvard study found that the physiological response from meditation, tai chi, and breathing exercises can counteract cellular damage from stress.

18 Where Stress Hides

used a c n o i s ack ten b d n g days a n o l s u l p “ Neck tress, s l puter a t m n o e c a r by m ed ove h c n u h t ain.” p r e spen g g i , can tr d r a o b y ke

10 Health Problems Related to Stress 1. H eart disease. Researchers have long suspected that the stressed-out, type A personality has a higher risk of high blood pressure and heart problems. We don’t know why, exactly. Stress might have a direct effect on the heart and blood vessels. It’s also possible that stress is related to other problems — an increased likelihood of smoking or obesity — that indirectly increase the heart risks. 2. A sthma. Many studies have shown that stress can worsen asthma. Some evidence suggests that a parent’s chronic stress might even increase the risk of developing asthma in their children. One study looked at how parental stress affected the asthma rates of young children who were also exposed to air pollution or whose mothers smoked during pregnancy. The kids with stressed out parents had a substantially higher risk of developing asthma. 3. Obesity. Belly fat seems to pose greater health risks than fat on the legs or hips — and unfortunately, that’s just where people with high stress seem to store it. “Stress causes higher levels of the hormone cortisol,” says Winner, “and that seems to increase the amount of fat that’s deposited in the abdomen.” 4. D iabetes. Stress can worsen diabetes in two ways. First, it increases the likelihood of bad behaviors, such as unhealthy eating and excessive drinking. Second, stress seems to raise the glucose levels of people with type 2 diabetes directly. 5. Headaches. Stress is considered one of the most common triggers for headaches — not just tension headaches, but migraines as well. 6. Depression and anxiety. It’s probably no surprise that chronic stress is connected with higher rates of depression and anxiety. One survey of recent studies found that people who had stress related to their jobs — like demanding work with few rewards — had an 80% higher risk of developing depression within a few years than people with lower stress. 7. Gastrointestinal problems. Here’s one thing that stress doesn’t do — it doesn’t cause ulcers. However, it can make them worse. Stress is also a common factor in many other GI conditions, such as chronic heartburn (GERD) and IBS, Winner says. 9. Alzheimer’s disease. One animal study found that stress might worsen Alzheimer’s disease, causing its brain lesions to form more quickly. Some researchers speculate that reducing stress has the potential to slow down the progression of the disease. 10. Accelerated aging. There’s actually evidence that stress can affect how you age. One study compared the DNA of mothers who were under high stress — they were caring for a chronically ill child — with women who were not. Researchers found that a particular region of the chromosomes showed the effects of accelerated aging. Stress seemed to accelerate aging about 9 to 17 additional years.

Where Stress Hides

4 Ways to Fight Back Against Stress — and Improve Your Health The next time you feel stressed, here are four stress relief tips you can try.

1. Breathe deeply. Just a few minutes of deep breathing can calm you and tame the physiologic stress response, Winner says. While building in a specific time to relax each day is a good idea, one advantage to deep breathing for stress relief is that you can do it anywhere — at your desk or in your (parked) car, for instance. Winner recommends that as you breathe out, you relax a specific muscle group. Start with the muscles in your jaw. On the next breath out, relax your shoulders. Move through the different areas of your body until you’re feeling calm.

2. Focus on the moment. When you’re stressed, you’re probably living in the future or the past. You’re worried about what to do next or regretful about something you’ve already done. To get some stress relief, instead try focusing on what you’re doing right now. “You can calm yourself by bringing yourself back to the present moment,” says Winner. “If you’re walking, feel the sensation of your legs moving. If you’re eating, focus on the taste and the sensation of the food.” 3. Reframe the situation. So you’re already running late and then find yourself stuck in terrible traffic. Getting worked up is a natural reaction, but it won’t help you at all.Rather than swearing and pounding the steering wheel, get a different perspective. Look at that time as an opportunity — a few minutes to yourself where you don’t have any other obligations.

4. Keep your problems in perspective. It might seem Pollyannaish, but the next time you’re feeling stressed out, think about the things for which you’re grateful.“We get stressed when we focus so much on a specific problem that we lose perspective,” says Winner. “You need to remind yourself of the basic ways in which you’re lucky — that you have family and friends, that you can see, that you can walk.” It can be a surprisingly effective method for stress relief. While these stress management techniques can help in the moment, you can also make a few larger changes to your way of life. Regular exercise is key to long-term stress management, says Winner. People who exercise tend to have better moods and more energy than people who don’t. What’s more, regular exercise will independently lower your risks for many health problems. Learning some relaxation techniques, meditation, or yoga will help with stress management, too. Getting good at any of these approaches will take a little time and practice, but the payoff — for your short-term mood and long-term health — could be substantial.

20 Where Stress Hides

Do you know the signs of stress? Physical Signs and Symptoms of Stress for Men Below are some of the physical signs and symptoms of stress. Remember that stress is an individual experience and that symptoms are too. These signs and symptoms may be signs of disease so you should not ignore them just because you believe they are stress related. You must get more serious symptoms checked out by your doctor. Physical signs and symptoms of stress include: - Chest pain - Pounding heart - High blood pressure - Shortness of breath - Fatigue - Diminished or increased sex drive - Muscle aches, such as back and neck pain - Headaches - Dizziness - Clenched jaws and grinding teeth - Tight, dry or a feeling of a lump in your throat - Indigestion - Constipation or diarrhea - Increased perspiration - Stomach cramps - Weight gain or loss - Skin problems

Psychological sign and symptoms of stress include: - Sadness - Depression - Crying - Withdrawal or isolation - Insomnia - Mood swings - Worry - Restless anxiety - Irritability, anger, decreased anger control - Overeating or anorexia - Feelings of insecurity - Decreased productivity - Job dissatisfaction - Changes in close relationships - Increased smoking - Increased use of alcohol - Use of drugs

Stress Management Works While the number of health problems related to stress might be alarming, don’t despair. Studies suggest that stress management techniques will not only make you feel better, but they might have concrete health benefits. For instance, one study of heart attack survivors found that taking a stress management class slashed their risks of a second cardiac event by 74%. There’s even some evidence that stress management will improve immunity.

Still, many of us remain skeptical about stress management. After all, our lives are just plain stressful. We have busy jobs, families to raise, tight finances, and no time to spare. Stress management might seem like a nice idea, but completely impossible. It’s true that you might not be able to remove all the stressful things from your life. But you can change how you respond to them, Winner says. That’s what stress management is all about. Learning some basic stress relief techniques isn’t hard either.

Don’t let stress pound away at you. Fight back.

Dos And Don’ts Of Winter Fashion Layer with a vest

Basic ski caps, fedoras, newsboy hats, and bowlers keep heat in and foolishness out.

Vests are the ultimate layering piece. In its infinitely strange if not genius arm-amputated design, the vest can be one extra barrier against the cold or act as a final finishing piece on slightly warmer days. Throw it over the typically untoppable sweater to keep your limbs covered and core toasty. The key here is to keep everything equal. Pair chunkier sweaters with similarly sturdy vests and finer gauge knits with leaner, lightweight ones.

The Dos Of Winter Fashion Stick With A Classic Winter Hat There once was a time when gentleman roamed the land and, no, they didn’t don heinous headwear. Somewhere along the way, novelty hats that supplied functionality for facing the extreme weather became an excuse for turning into a walking advertisement for grandma’s knitting circle. The cottage creations may be warm, but they are far from fashion-friendly. Fortunately, simple solutions exist: Basic ski caps, fedoras, newsboy hats, and bowlers keep heat in and foolishness out.

Avoid: Ear muffs, ear warmers, pompom hats, anything made by a friend or family member.

Wear and take care of your leather

Synthetic fibers aren’t the only way to battle the elements. Long before manmade nylons, faux furs and poly-plastic

22 Dos And Don’ts Of Winter Fashion

fire hazards were rugged fabrics there was leather. And high-quality skins along with their specially treated friends, namely suede and patent leather, were (almost) made winter-ready. Despite serious hesitation to expose garments constructed of these pricey materials to rain and snow, they were actually given the ability to take a beating. It just takes proper maintenance, of course.

Here’s how to keep you looking sharp in leather during the winter -- and how to keep your leathers from looking like hell. Water-repellent sprays for leather goods help provide preventative action against potentially damaging moisture. Once indoors, dry shoes off and use a damp cloth to stop the formation of pesky salt lines. As for suede, kneadable erasers and toothbrushes can help wipe away scuffs and stains as well as restore the fabric’s lofty texture. Avoid: Cheap leather, drying radiator heat, salt-wielding neighbors.

Avoid: Oversize vests, sweaters with reindeer and/or Douglas firs.

Learn to tie your scarf

Scarves were meant to be wrapped around the neck, one of the primary places the body releases heat. The Parisian -- obviously the most fussy of the family -- is created by folding the scarf lengthwise and pulling the two ends through the loop created on the opposite side. It’s the snuggest fitting method for maximum warmth. The more casual once-around knot works by placing the scarf on the neck with one side slightly longer than the other and then wrapping it around and through the loop.

Avoid: Throwing one end over your shoulder like a Christmas-clad Peanuts cartoon character.

The Dont’s Of Winter Fashion Wear An Oversize Puffer Jacket Big, beefy jackets had their heyday years ago -- and they didn’t get any second looks back then either. Intuitively, it makes sense that thicker means warmer. However, toting yourself around town with more rolls than a pack of hot dogs isn’t the way to do it. You’re better off layering with several well-fitted pieces than a single jacked-up jacket. And for those who just can’t resist puffing up, there are more sensible and slimmer options these days.

Solution: Insulate-lined padded and quilted jackets

peacoats,

Trek Around In UGG Boots A phenomenon occurred in the footwear world circa 2004, and it wasn’t pretty. UGG boots traveled half way around the world from their native Australia and landed Stateside on the famous feet of Kate Hudson, Sarah Jessica Parker and Jessica Simpson. The line of unisex booties from the land down under is still trying to gain ground among men. But, as much as the clunky yet oddly feminine footwear has been kicked curbside by most discerning dressers, they still present a threat to the male foot come cold weather time. Perhaps Sydney should stick to what it knows best: beaches with bikinis.

Solution: Sorel boots

Bulk Up Packing on extra pounds is the last thing anyone needs this time of year. And while adding armor to battle the cold is critical, it’s unnecessary to turn yourself into a shapeless heap of heavy layers. The main problem is that bulk can gradually snowball beyond control. It all starts with an oversize knit under a thick sweater. Then, a massive ankle-length wool coat finds its way into the ensemble turning an otherwise idyllic winter wonderland into a catastrophic clothing avalanche. Picking pieces that are fitted and constructed from modern lightweight fabrics like Thinsulate does away with the need for anything busting at the seams with duck feathers. Solution: Thermal tees, cashmere hoodies, tailored topcoats, not leaving the house for six months

Mix and mismatch athletic gear

Different missions in life call for varying plans of attire attack. You would never wear seersucker shorts and Havaianas to a wedding. So, why put on a dowdy fleece with a suit? Indeed, it’s occasionally acceptable to infuse technical gear into everyday winterwear -- a nylon vest under a tailored sportcoat would work well. However, using your ski jacket with its zipper-dangling pass for a night out on the town is a downhill disaster. The same applies to winter gloves. Get separate sets for work and play.

Solution: Invest in a slim wool coat, a heavier nylon jacket with removable layers, a versatile raincoat, and if you’re the sporty type, at least two pairs of gloves.

Fashion Tips for Any Time 1. Fit is King – The most dramatic improvement you can make in your style is to make sure everything fits impeccably. Most guys wear clothes that are too large. Make sure everything you wear is almost hugging the shape of your body – without being tight. Bad fit is an epidemic, cure yourself.

2. Keep it simple – You want a wardrobe that looks great on you, but don’t overdo it. Don’t wear more than three pieces of jewelry or more than three colors. Don’t dress like a rock star unless you’re in a band. If you want to be flashy, a simpler but stylish look would be sporting a black striped dress shirt with a white blazer, a dark pair of jeans, a dressy belt, and your sharpest dress shoes. You could also add a flashy watch or a simple accessory like an interesting necklace, but nothing more. 3. Change the way you see casual – casual doesn’t have to be boring. Have fun with collared shirts, or take some inspiration from those who approach casual a bit differently.

Dos And Don’ts Of Winter Fashion

Dating Your Friend’s Ex We don’t own people; we just share our time with them.

By: Leesh Patel

One of the eternal questions that plague men all over the world is, what are the rules about dating your friend’s ex? Is there some kind of man code that says that once a woman has been claimed by a member of your pack there is no way another can ever date her down the road? Is there a time frame from when they dated that makes her totally off limits to you? Let’s say they dated for six months. Does that mean you need to wait around another six until you can do anything? Until he has another girlfriend? And what happens if this is your best friend’s girlfriend? What are the rules then? Let’s set the scenario: Your friend is dating an amazing girl. (And I’m talking about a real friend here, not a friend of a friend, a work friend or someone you see around who goes to all the same events as you.) The whole time your friend was dating this great woman, you always made sure to tell your buddy how lucky he was to have a woman like her. Every time you hung out with them in a group you guys really got along with each other. She was so cool. And all you kept thinking was, “Why can’t I meet somebody like her?”

Can You Date Your Friend’s Ex?

But now you’re in a predicament -- they’ve broken up. To make things worse, she was the one who broke things off with your friend. Maybe he called you and told you; maybe you saw her out and, in the middle of another great conversation, she brought it up. So what do you do at this point? Is is OK to call her? Or maybe she’s started calling you.

24 Dating Your Friend’s Ex

Now that she’s single, you’re really thinking about this woman a lot. You start to develop feelings for her. You guys talk with each other and she tells you she’s starting to have feelings for you, too. At the same time, your friend still talks about her and wonders if he did something wrong to ruin the relationship. Now you’re in one of the biggest predicaments of your entire social life. You really want to start dating your friend’s ex, and she wants to go out with you. You want to start seeing her, and you have a very strong feeling that you two are really going to hit it off. What do you do in this situation?

How To Handle Your Friend’s Ex

There are a lot of guys out there who truly feel that once they’ve dated a woman she is off limits to all of his friends -- no matter how long it’s been since they broke up. This is ridiculous thinking. We don’t own people; we just share our time with them. It’s your job to make the relationship that you have with her a great experience, and when that relationship comes to an end, you need to let her go. You had your time together and hopefully you created some great memories, but now it’s not your place to try to change and control anyone’s future or the way they want to live their lives. I am somebody who truly believes that people are not possessions. I don’t care if it’s a casual acquaintance, I don’t care if it’s your best friend in the whole world, and I don’t care

who broke up with whom. If I break up with someone -- and I have broken up and been broken up with a lot -- I have no problem with any of my friends dating my ex, falling in love with her and even marrying her. A great relationship, and great chemistry between two people, can be rare to come by. If you’re feeling a connection with someone, I firmly believe that you need to take every potential opportunity for finding a great person to be with. And if you’re the bystander, if you’re fuming because your friend is dating your ex who broke up with you, you need to realize that people are not your possessions. You may have shared something special with her in the past -- and that’s something to cherish -- but now it’s time to give your friend and your ex the freedom to do what they want without you in the picture.

Have I ever been in this situation? Sure I have. In fact, my good friend Charlie is married to a woman I used to date. They started dating three years after she broke up with me. I was perfectly fine with it because I never saw my ex as a possession. When I reflected on the whole situation, what I really wanted for both of them was to be happy, however that would come about.

What To Do So, if you have feelings for your best friend’s ex, here is what you need to do. First you need to confirm your feelings with her. Sit down with her, clear the air and tell her exactly how you feel. You know she feels the same way about you as you do about her. Make sure you are both on the same page with each other. Then you need to make sure you are both on the same page about your friend. Tell her, “We need to talk about how to approach this situation with my friend. I don’t want to lose his friendship, but I certainly don’t want it to stop me from acting on my feelings for you.” You need to talk this out with her. Both of you know your friend well, from different points of view, and together you will be able to come up with an honest way of telling him so that he will not be angry or hurt. Once you’ve had that conversation with your friend’s ex, you’ll need to sit down with him. Depending on how close you are, this can be one of the toughest things in the world -- you need to have “the talk.”

Perfect place for a date night...

Dating Your Friend’s Ex

Breaking The News To Your Friend When you sit down with him, be truthful and tell him what your friendship with him means to you. For most men, really communicating that to another guy is the hardest part, but you need to get that out there and let him know that you respect him. Then you’ll need to ask him how he would feel if you started dating his ex. You really need to be honest and tell him everything. You need to tell him how you feel and whether you’re serious about her. He may be fine with it. He may have to sit and think about it. He may be upset and say, “F*ck you. Absolutely not.” He may not want to see you for a while. In time, though, he is going to understand.

You need to tell him how you feel and whether you’re serious about her. He may be fine with it.

He’s not with her anymore, so give him his space if he needs it. He is out there dating, having fun and sleeping with other women. Eventually, he is going to get over it. Amazing women with whom you have incredible chemistry don’t come around that often. You have every right and you owe it to yourself to pursue a relationship with her.

Depending on how close your friendship is, this may be one of the toughest situations of your life. You’ll need to display complete and total honesty with yourself and ask yourself how serious you are about it (it’s OK if you don’t know yet, but you need to be honest). You need to be honest with this new woman in your life and with your friend. This is going to be a tough lesson, but a valuable one. Your ability to have difficult conversations with two people you care about, knowing that those conversations won’t be safe or easy, will demonstrate what sort of a man you are.

26 Dating Your Friend’s Ex