Funny Business

AN ELDERLY GENTLEMAN was invited to his old friends home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his friend preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms – Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin etc,

The couple had been married almost 70 years and clearly they were still very much in love. While the wife was in the kitchen the man leaned over and said to his host, “I think it’s wonderful that after all these years you still call your wife those loving pet names.”

The old man hung his head. “I have to tell you the truth,” he said, “I forgot her name about 10 years ago.”

Two sociologists are sitting by the pool. One turns to the other and asks, “Have you read Marx?”

The other replies, “Yes, it’s these damn wicker chairs.”

A man buys a parrot and brings him home, but the parrott starts insulting him and gets really nasty, so the man picks up the parrott and tosses him in the freezer to teach him a lesson. He hears the bird squawking for a few minutes, but all of a sudden the parrott is quiet.

The man opens the freezer door, the parrott walks out, looks up at him and says, “I apologise for offending you and humbly ask your forgiveness.”

The man says, “Well thank you. I forgive you.”

The parrott then says, “If you don’t mind my asking, what did the chicken do?”

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. “If I lose this case I will be ruined.”

“I’ts in the judge’s hands now.” Said the lawyer.

“Would it help if I send the Judge a box of cigars?”

“No! The Judge is a stickler on ethical behaviour. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court.”

Within the course of time the judge rendered a decision in favour of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse he said to his lawyer, “Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It really worked.”

Confidently the lawyer responded, “I’m sure we would have lost the case if you sent them.”

“But I did send them.” Replied the man.

“What?” shouted the lawyer.

“I sure did a good thing I remembered to enclose the plaintiff’s business card.”

Jill and her husband went to the restaurant for the first time in ages.

Upon arrival they were greeted by a waiter who said, “I am sorry but we are so busy tonight. Would you mind waiting for a bit?” Jill said “No problem.”

He said, “well take these drinks to table 10 and this food is for table 9.”

I was late to the cannibal party so they gave me the cold shoulder.

A pipe burst in a doctor’s house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $800.

The doctor shouted, “This is ridiculous! I don’t even make that much as a doctor!.”

The plumber waited for him to finish and quietly said, “Neither did I when I was a doctor.”

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young apprentice were out checking meters in a suburban neighbourhood.

They parked their truck at the end of the street and worked their way to the other end.

At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.

Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his assistant to a race down the street and back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.

As they came running up to the truck, they realised the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, “When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I’d better run too!”

Quote of the month

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415 Terrigal Dr, Erina Contact Agent

Set on a major road with maximum exposure, is this fantastic 303m2 Medical Centre. With its close proximity to Erina Fair Shopping Centre and surrounding businesses, this rare opportunity is not to be missed!

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12/10 Pioneer Avenue, Tuggerah $75,000 net pa + GST

Located in the Tuggerah Business Park is this quality Commercial Office property for sale or lease. The property includes a modern fit out, large open plan spaces, multiple office suites & boardroom.

Brett Hunter | 0410 630 222 2/4a Dulmison Avenue, Wyong From $5,000 - $71,000 pa + GST + Outgoings

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25 Anzac Road, Tuggerah From $16,500 p.a + GST

Multiple brand new suits – perfect for Medical / Health business – from 46m² – 167m². New Building, lots of parking and great exposure for your business.

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