YVQ: TOUGH by Churches of Christ Vic/Tas

Issue 06 May 2013

Facing the tough issues of youth & young adult ministry.

we need to talk about pornography

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Craig Gross | Founder | XXXChurch

welcome to australia

p.11

Brad Chilcott Founder | Welcome to Australia

our untold story

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Dale Stephenson Crossway Baptist Church

The babes project

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Helen Parker Founder | The Babes Project

ministering in tough places Jon Owen | UNOH

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from the editor

contributors Dale Stephenson

Rowan Lewis

Helen Parker

Dale Stephenson has been Senior Pastor of Crossway Baptist Church, a multi-ethnic and multigenerational body of worshippers, in Melbourne, Australia since January 2008. Known as an innovative and positive leader, Dale is always looking to place the Church to become more relevant and engaged within the local community. He is married to Edi and has 4 children.

Rowan is the Lecturer in Youth Studies at Tabor College Victoria where he has been a part of Year in the Son as well as training community based youth workers for the last 8 years. Rowan is committed to the tradition of spiritual formation in young people, which is the focus of his PhD study. He is married to Kirra and has three energetic children.

Helen is the Founder and Director of The Babes Project, a Not-for-Profit Organisation committed to walking alongside women facing crisis pregnancy, promoting adoption and parenting as positive alternatives to abortion. The Babes Project opened their first Pregnancy Support Centre in February of last year.

It could be argued that the state of our young people is the best indicator of the health of our society. Within our young people lies our potential, dreams, joy and future. However within this group we also see the a clear picture of our problems. Our teens seem to be the place where our collective disfunction and insecurity manifest. It is where we see the consequences of what the generation before them have wrongly valued, permitted or swept under the rug. As youth and young adult ministers we are directly exposed to the best and worst of youth culture. The phenomenal potential, growth, and stories of hope and beauty. But also the immense turmoil, trauma, pain and disfunction that affects young people. It’s tough. Being on the front line, bearing the brunt of what can at times be immense pain from the young people we lead, can be a lonely and heavy place.

Brad Chilcott

Craig Gross

Jon Owen

Brad is the founder of ‘Welcome to Australia’, a national organisation designed to encourage everyday Australians to cultivate a culture of welcome in their local communities and nation. Prime Minister Julia Gillard appointed Brad as a People of Australia Ambassador in 2012. He is married to Rachel and the father of three beautiful children.

Craig is an author, speaker, and pastor residing in Los Angeles. In 2002 he founded the website XXXchurch.com which has gone on to have over 70 million visitors. Craig also spearheaded the development of X3watch, an Internet accountability system that is used by over 1 million people. Craig is the author of nine books. He is husband to Jeanette and father to Nolan and Elise.

Jon has been a part of UNOH, an incarnational order serving the poor, since 1997. He currently lives with his wife Lisa in one of Australia’s largest public housing estates in Western Sydney, ministering to the urban poor of Mt. Druitt along with their three girls, Kshama, Kiera and Jazmin, who keep him human.

Jessica Killeen

Jamie Haith

Kylie Butler

Jess Killeen is a Registered Social Worker with 20 years experience in supporting young people in schools and training volunteers and professionals. She is currently employed as a School Counsellor working with children, teenagers and families. Jess approaches children and young people with a genuine curiosity and is constantly learning from the wisdom they have about their own lives.

Jamie has been on staff at Holy Trinity Brompton in London, England for the last 20 years and has helped to develop the Alpha Course worldwide. Along with his wife Andy and four young children he has recently moved to the USA to lead Holy Trinity Church in Virginia.

Kylie is the Emerging Leadership Facilitator at the Baptist Union Victoria and author of Milk to Meat, a 60 day devotional helping people get into the Bible. She is a Leadership Coach, focused on transitions and breakthrough. Kylie is married to Adam, they have two beautiful children, Toby and Lily.

we have deliberately tackled some of the tough In this edition of the stuff. These are not the issues you probably choose to bring up regularly in your leaders meetings, they might not even be things you’re thinking about. But the nature of youth ministry would suggest that if you are not thinking about these issues now you will need to in the future.

State Youth Games June 7-10 Quench - Western Region Youth Ministers Gathering July 19-20 YV Connect Breakfast August 31 Illuminate Camp September 23-27 National Youth Ministry Convention QLD October 23-26

So think of our nine contributors as mentors who are not afraid to sit you down and talk about hard topics. It is our hope that this collection of articles will bolster you as you face some of this tough stuff. That it will help you feel more equipped and less alone.

— Amy Stephenson

Note | We have faced a number of tough topics head on, meaning that this magazine contains content that may be confronting, upsetting or even offensive to some readers. We have decided not to shy away from the nasty and the graphic in the hope that by looking the awful things in the face we might be better equipped and motivated to deal with them. These issues dramatically affect all of us and we encourage you to respond to them in your own context in an appropriate and constructive manner. Please be mindful of this as you distribute this magazine – especially if it is distributed in a way that young people could access it.

Youth Vision is the youth and young adult ministry arm of Mission and Ministry Inc, a partner department of the Conference of Churches of Christ in Victoria and Tasmania. Designed by Oak & Ink Creative oakandink.com

KEY YOUTH VISION DATES

The Youth Vision team consists of Brenton Killeen, Jason Sawyer, Kat Deith & Amy Stephenson.

1st Floor, 582 Heidelburg Rd. Fairfield VIC 3078

03 9488 8800

W vic.youthvision.org.au E yv@churchesofchrist.org.au

from the editor

contributors Dale Stephenson

Rowan Lewis

Helen Parker

Brad Chilcott

Craig Gross

Jon Owen

Jessica Killeen

Jamie Haith

Kylie Butler

— Amy Stephenson

KEY YOUTH VISION DATES

The Youth Vision team consists of Brenton Killeen, Jason Sawyer, Kat Deith & Amy Stephenson.

1st Floor, 582 Heidelburg Rd. Fairfield VIC 3078

03 9488 8800

W vic.youthvision.org.au E yv@churchesofchrist.org.au

In November of 2011 I preached a series at Crossway entitled ‘Justice: Does God Really Care?’ In that series I sought to engage with the concept of justice, particularly around the themes of poverty both global and local, people trafficking, asylum seekers and Indigenous issues. I opened the final message on Indigenous issues with the following: Of all of the topics that we have covered in this series this topic of our Indigenous brothers and sisters will no doubt be the closest to home and possibly also be the topic that people have the strongest opinions on. I would like to note that I am grossly underqualified to speak about these matters but believe that they need to be spoken. To any Indigenous person who might be here today I pay my respects and recognise the Wurundjeri people as the traditional owners of the land that this church is built upon. I also ask for forgiveness from any Indigenous people present or listening. While today’s message shall be of interest and educational to this multicultural gathering, for you it is immeasurably and constantly painful. I assure you of my deep respect for you and for your full human dignity as men and women made in the image of God. I hope that nothing I say will offend you or hurt you. Why the ultra-long and careful introduction to a sermon? Surely this is over the top and a less formal introduction would have sufficed. Actually, no, it would not have. I have been on a steep catch-up and growth curve on Indigenous issues. The more that I have learned the more embarrassed I am that I have reached the age of 48 and am exercising modest levels of leadership and yet I know so little. Australian history as taught at Blackburn High in the 70’s gave

me a rather sterilised view of what actually took place when England invaded this great south land and declared it Terra Nullius, a Latin expression deriving from Roman law meaning ‘land belonging to no one’ or ‘no man’s land’. Ross Langmead produced an excellent paper entitled ‘Indigenous Reconciliation: What can the Church offer and receive?’ In it he notes that “It is estimated that the various Indigenous peoples groups of the world number about 250 to 350 million people. It is disturbing to note the similarity of their experiences, especially those subjected to Western colonialisation.” Some of these similarities are: • Their close relationship to the land was misunderstood, denied and broken; • They were subjected to gradual land dispossession, often through trickery, broken treaties or violent dispossession; • They have suffered decimation, loss of culture, loss of language, deterior- ating health, continuing violence and a general despair as they have struggled to find a new identity on the edge of an overwhelming immigrant culture; • Many have succumbed to boredom, unemployment, alcoholism, violence and abuse as symptoms of their cultural malaise; • In many cases, indigenous people are both the most socially disadvantaged and the most marginalised people in their own country.

No author named, [1923], Neighbours of the Never-Never , Sydney: Church Missionary Society, p. 16, as cited in Harris, 1998, p.449

This is all true of the indigenous community in Australia. In 1 Kings 21 we find the story of King Ahab taking Naboth’s vineyard. The core of the story is that the one with the power took land from the one with no power and had him murdered. How do you feel about what Ahab did? There were the two charges that Elijah brought from God against King Ahab; that he had murdered and that he had stolen property.

Indigenous people living in Victoria, having been there for about 40,000 years. A mere 40 years later, in 1830, when Europeans settled there, this figure was reduced to between 10,000 and 15,000 due to smallpox epidemics caught from sailors passing by. Then within twenty years, staggeringly, the population was reduced to less than 2,000, due to violence and disease.

Imagine with me that we are Ahab’s great grandchildren. We are still on that vineyard that was Naboth’s and have employed a fabulous French vintner and are producing a very nice drop which is selling for well over $40 a bottle for the last few vintages. We’re pulling in about $10k in cash profits every week now. What should we do? Do we have any obligations to the former owner from whom the vineyard was stolen all those generations ago?

• children taken;

The problem is that we are in pretty much in this position. Our forebears came to Australia and liked the ‘vineyard’ so much that they murdered the owners and stole the vineyard. In the words of a Christian writing as recently as 1923, “the white men... took the best of the land for the sheep and cattle, killing the black men’s food... The blacks tried to drive the settlers out of their country... but the white men were not to be driven back. They armed themselves and made open war upon these poor blacks... As we look back over these years there is much that we have to be ashamed of.”1 So it was not long before the Indigenous people, previously spread across the continent in 500 proud language groups, were an ethnic minority in their own land, struggling to survive the invasion of their land. It is estimated that in 1790 there were about 60,000

Along with this staggering loss of life and decimation of population were other crimes:

• entire people groups moved off their land and pushed into another group’s country; • women being abducted and taken to cattle stations as prostitutes to encourage drovers; • women being turned into domestic servants with their pay being held (still) by the government. In more recent years we have unintentionally but effectively removed any sense of hope and purpose from our Aboriginal brothers and sisters. There is so much more, but I am left with a dilemma… How do I respond? How do we respond? Strictly speaking, there is a need for national conciliation, not reconciliation, as a friendship has first to be established if it is going to be restored. Langmead summarises the core of the injustices and sufferings of the Australian Indigenous people like this: “The fundamental injustice remains one of invasion without treaty in which a set of peoples deeply connected to their land as mother, as source of life and as sacred were cut off from their land and thereby robbed of their identity, law, mythology and spirituality.” The scale of this level of marginalisation is hard to grasp. The profound misunderstanding and barbarous attitudes towards the Indigenous community that existed in 19th Century Australia are recorded. Lancelot Threlkeld, a Congregational Missionary, wrote in 1853, “It was maintained by many of the colony that the blacks had no language at all but were only a race of the monkey tribe. This was a convenient assumption, for if it could be proved that the Aborigines... were only a species of wild beats, there could be no guilt attributed to those who shot them off or poisoned them.”

There was a trial of seven white men accused of the brutal and cold-blooded massacre of 28 black men, women and children at Henry Dangar’s Myall Creek Station on the Liverpool Plains. They not only murdered but raped and tortured. The details of their activities are too gruesome to be recounted in this environment but are hideous in the extreme. They were originally acquitted. Here is a quote from one of the jurors in the case against these seven men: I look on the blacks as a set of monkeys, and the earlier they are exterminated from the face of the earth the better. I would never consent to hang a white man for a black one. I knew well they were guilty of the murder, but I for one would never see a white man suffer for shooting a black. Another wrote in the Sydney Herald on 5th Oct, 1838: [They are] the most degenerate, despicable and brutal race of human beings in existence, and stand as it were in scorn to ‘shame creation’ - a scoff and a jest upon humanity, they are insensible to every bond which binds man to his friend: husband to wife, parent to its child or creature to its God. They stand unprecedented in the annals of the most ancient and barbarous histories for the anti-civilising propensities they put forth. Jumping forward nearly seventy years, “Brutish, faithless, vicious, the animal being given fullest loose only approached by his next of kin the monkey... the Australian black may have a soul but, if he has, then the horse and the dog, infinitely superior in every way to the black human, cannot be denied possession of that vital spark of heavenly flame.” Untold massacres and misery. From the 1790s there are so many documented massacres (not one-off murders or disputes, but mass killings) right through to the 1932 Caledon Bay crisis, in which at last the courts were used to resolve a dispute and a mob, who was ready to go and ‘kill blacks’, was restrained. The early massacres at the point of a gun or due to poisoned flour are well documented, though a few historians still challenge the extent of these. Some killings are within living memory. In order to help a dying race to die, it was government policy in the early 19th century to ‘interbreed’ full-blooded Aborigines in order to genetically assimilate those who still survived. Indigenous people were not counted as citizens with voting rights until 1967.

Quarterly Issue 06 May 2013

Writer Dale Stephenson

Our Indigenous brothers and sisters are, by almost any social indicator, the most disadvantaged group in Australia. The unemployment rate is estimated at over thirty per cent. Average annual income for Indigenous people is two-thirds the national figure. Indigenous a for home ownership, school completion and tertiary qualifications are all less than half that of other Australians.

p.4

our untold history

No author named, [1923], Neighbours of the Never-Never , Sydney: Church Missionary Society, p. 16, as cited in Harris, 1998, p.449

• children taken;

Along with this staggering loss of life and decimation of population were other crimes:

Quarterly Issue 06 May 2013

Writer Dale Stephenson

p.4

our untold history

Our crimes and those of our forebears are many. They include genocide and cultural destruction which has led to poor health and substance abuse. Currently the Indigenous community has a life expectancy nearly twenty years shorter than the Australian average and suffer three times the diabetes rate. Alcohol addiction is a widespread problem, and amongst teenagers in outback communities so is petrol sniffing. Children were removed from parents. There have been deaths in custody and secondary violence and sexual abuse as byproducts. It seems that one consequence of experiencing violence and oppression is secondary violence, where the oppressed take out frustrations and despair on those nearest to them. Our Indigenous brothers and sisters are, by almost any social indicator, the most disadvantaged group in Australia. The unemployment rate is estimated at over thirty per cent. Average annual income for Indigenous people is two-thirds the national figure. Indigenous rates for home ownership, school completion and tertiary qualifications are all less than half that of other Australians. We have a pretty good handle on basic justice, living in a rule-of-law respecting democracy. We expect that if someone does something wrong, they need to make amends. If we scratch our neighbour’s car, we pay for the repairs. If we deliberately injure someone, we go to jail. If we defraud someone of their property, we must repay it in addition to our other punishment. This all seems pretty straightforward and supported by God’s teachings. Saying sorry is clearly not enough when we continue to benefit from the sin of our forebears. I pray that God will give us all the grace to come alongside our Indigenous brothers and sisters in friendship and deep mutual respect as we together seek a better future for all.

Writer Helen Parker

“most girls here just see abortion as an opportunity to be selfish and continue going to parties and having fun... they never saw it as a negative, but now we’ve at least started talking about it and challenging each other.”

Young people are walking through the doors of The Babes Project as the future they had planned crumbles before their eyes. Many don’t think about becoming pregnant or how they will cope with it, until it happens to them. It happened to me. I found out I was pregnant at 20, whilst studying architecture at university. With very little support, I was confused and didn’t know where to turn and the doctor subsequently booked me in for a termination. This was not at all what I wanted to do and I was alarmed at how easily this had been made available. I went back to church, moved in with my youth pastor and proceeded with my pregnancy. Soon after my daughter was born, God taught me to dream again and I approached my local hospital about supporting young women facing crisis pregnancy. This began four years in which we provided peer support and life skills programs for the young women there. Throughout this time I heard too many stories of how simply abortion was promoted, together with much experience of grief and loss. The women were from varied backgrounds and all struggled to find adequate support during their pregnancies and then again as they adapted to the role of parenting. This highlighted a need for more structured, long-term support for women and so in 2009, The Babes Project began; focusing on promoting adoption and parenting as positive alternatives to abortion. The Babes Project is particularly committed to refining an excellent model for pregnancy centres, providing holistic care for women and their children, which can subsequently be duplicated throughout Australia. The first steps toward this becoming a reality for The Babes Project happened earlier this year when on Valentine’s Day, our first Pregnancy Support Centre was opened. Based in Croydon, Victoria, the Pregnancy Support Centre is an answer to much prayer. The response from the community, supporters and clients in the months since opening has been a huge encouragement to our team. We knew there was a need, but to have girls come to you, trust you and say “can you please help?” is beyond any dream. One young teen recently walked in with her boyfriend, wearing school uniforms, with school bags on their backs. She took two steps in the door, stopped, dropped her hands to her side and stated “I’m pregnant.” The

Babes Project was able to talk her through options and book her in for an appointment with a support worker. We were so relieved that she had a safe place to come. The greater vision for The Babes Project is to increase our support of women into a residential setting, through the building of a home that women can come to during pregnancy. The Babes Project Pregnancy Support Centres would be the ideal setting to highlight those who might need to access our residential program. The big dream is to see abortion rates decline, adoption embraced and improved outcomes for young parents and their children. The Babes Project knows its goals, but we are also passionate about being community focused; providing what the community needs, what women highlight as important and what is clearly lacking. One major issue that we’ve seen consistently is the lack of ‘safe spaces’ and so our Pregnancy Support Centres will also operate as a safe environment where women can retreat to when feeling vulnerable. We had an 18 year old come into the Croydon Pregnancy Support Centre recently who said “this place is cool, I’ll come back for sure.” This is a victory for us, creating a space she feels comfortable to use. Adoption is another part of the Crisis Pregnancy discussion, which we often find ourselves addressing. Australia is a country with deep wounds from past adoption practices. There are many who are hurt and against any type of advocacy for adoption. We believe that at a government level we need to engage in discussion about what adoption can look like and be committed to lobbying for reasonable change. Once we see adoption working well, it is our hope that it can be embraced by women who might have alternatively chosen abortion. Advocating for adoption has so far been our greatest challenge. The Babes Project is an organisation that wants to begin the conversation about crisis pregnancy, abortion and adoption. After I spoke to the senior students of a local high school the feedback was encouraging. One student communicated, “most girls here just see abortion as an opportunity to be selfish and continue going to parties and having fun... they never saw it as a negative, but now we’ve at least started talking about it and challenging each other.” And that’s what we love at The Babes Project; seeing the topic embraced, challenged and discussed. It is our hope that this will lead to one day seeing all women with access to high quality assistance to proceed with pregnancy in a loving, compassionate and non-judgmental environment. For more information or support head to thebabesproject.com

Quarterly Issue 06 May 2013

So while the Anglican Church ordained a Chinese minister as early as 1885, it was not until over a century later in the 1990s that the first Indigenous Anglican clergy were recognised. The Baptists only ordained their first Indigenous Pastor a little earlier. I had the privilege of spending a week with the first ordained Baptist Indigenous Pastor. His name is Graham Paulson, a wonderful man of God and a respected elder within the Indigenous community.

the babes project

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Langmead notes, “The response of the church to this situation is made more complicated by the fact that in many cases the church has ‘missionised’ these people as part of their being colonised by the West. While sometimes the church defended Indigenous people against westernisation and commercial exploitation, it has also often been complicit in denigrating indigenous culture and religion and helping to ‘civilise’ Indigenous people in Western ways.”

Writer Helen Parker

Quarterly Issue 06 May 2013

the babes project

p.6

Writer Rowan Lewis After a number of failed attempts and cancelled appointments, we finally sat down for a coffee. The animated face and upbeat personality was still there, but the eyes were sad - maybe even a little haunted. We didn’t have a lot of time so the conversation became earnest pretty quickly. Focusing upon the issue about which Darren wanted my opinion: holy war - does God really authorise killing? Tough question, and though the conversation may have started here, it became clear that this was not just a matter of idle curiosity. As we explored the nature of his inquiry, we soon uncovered many more personal questions – of justice (“What about when a nation is being oppressed?”), of family (‘What about my Dad, he’s a sergeant in the army?’) and also of career and vocation (“I’m wondering if God is calling me to the army”). Added to this were big questions about how we read and interpret the bible, quite apart from what he thought about a God who may or may not be implicated in the death and destruction of so many lives. As a 20 year old emerging adult, he desperately wanted his faith and spirituality to inform his life choices. As the child of a sergeant and brother of a cadet, with an appointment next week with the Army Reserves, he wanted some answers, now. What also became apparent, was that our string of failed meeting attempts meant that I was now coming after many previous conversations with friends, mentors, pastors and college lecturers who had all been asked for their ‘two-bob’s’ worth of advice. As I listened to the story of the last few weeks, the conversations that had transpired, the different opinions expressed, and the utter confusion that now resided in his heart, the haunted, sad eyes that stared across the table towards me began to make sense. I wasn’t just being asked to offer another opinion into the mix - at this point in his journey, he just wanted me to solve his bewildering confusion and make it go away. Now in years passed, I may have had the arrogance to back myself and give it shot. I would pontificate some half-baked wisdom with an air of just enough authority to resolve the issue one way or the other, and send the pilgrim on their way. But the years (and a number of humbling experiences) have taught me something: that even if I did have the wisdom of Solomon and could come up with ‘right’ answer every time, in that moment as I talked to my sad-eyed and confused friend I would not be solving a thing.

I may in fact be making it worse. What Darren did not need was another opinion - he needed a process. Let me explain. There comes a time - well actually, there will probably be many times - in your faith journey when you recognise that your faith is currently a faith in the faith of others. What I mean by that is: it’s like the walls of your soul are covered with sticky notes containing the collective thoughts and wisdom of your faith community. If you’ve been raised in the church, or even if you came to faith in later life, most of the answers that your faithquest has sought have been provided by others. It has been our pastors and their sermons that have interpreted what such-and-such verse means. It has been our small group members that have resolved our theological conundrums. It has been podcasts, Google and YouTube that have caused us to think about things a new way. I’m not saying for a moment that we are all a bunch of uncritical lemmings walking off the nearest cliff because someone told us to. And I’m not saying that any of this is wrong. What I am saying is this is a vital way that God works amongst us nurturing our faith through our friends, families and communities. It is a great way for our faith to grow…to a point. But as I listened and felt the confusion of my friend sitting across the table, I couldn’t help but think that the last thing he needs right now is another stickynote opinion to stick on his wall. This sticky-note collecting phase of the process must now come to an end. He no longer needs to consult external authorities in the hope that they might resolve his confusion. He now needs to go through a process whereby he takes ownership of these inherited sticky notes - evaluating, experiencing and synthesising the reality they speak of, so that he transforms them, not into re-written notes, but into the stuff that forms the very nature of his soul - the actual contents of his own faith. Some of the gurus out there call this process internalisation (John Westerhoff) or individuation (James Fowler), and they identify it as a process not commonly facilitated by the church, yet absolutely vital for faith development. But what does it look like? And how do we go about it? Well let’s go back to Darren’s faith challenge. When it comes to tough questions, or for that matter, tough times that call our faith into question, Darren has been doing a great job. Let’s look at the steps or activities he has taken so far:

He hasn’t isolated himself or withdrawn from community life. He has instead opened himself up to his community and sought their advice, opinion and input. His posture remained open, receptive and inquisitive, and he felt a certain freedom to be able to express his questions. Great start, for both Darren and his faith community.

Activity 2 | Evaluation

As the advice, opinions and input piled up, he began to shift his process. He began sifting through the sticky-notes, evaluating them, thinking deeply and searching in the hope that one of them has the secret, the answer, the…’thing’ that would bring a resolution. Again, good stuff and for many challenges facing our faith, this is enough. Often we will find a sticky-note that stands out from amongst the rest that we can believe in, maybe even base our life upon, allowing us to chuck the others out. But some, maybe even many faith challenges, are just too complex and no matter how hard we search, there just isn’t a stickynote that trumps the rest - no “one ring to rule them all” as it were. This was Darren’s experience. As our conversation unfolded and it became clear that the driving issue to which he was seeking a resolution was whether he had a life calling to the armed forces, it also became clear that this was not going to be resolved by placing his faith in the faith of another. He now needed another activity or process to engage in and build upon the good work he had done so far.

Activity 3 | Internalisation The next activity of faith is a bit tricky because you have to keep doing what you are doing to make #1 and #2 happen, and then add to these a third activity. What I mean is, it is really important to stay connected and open to your community, collecting their thoughts and input as well as remaining accountable and honest (Activity 1). You also need your critical faculties switched on, evaluating, critiquing and searching for an answer (Activity 2). But to these we now need to add activities that bring the alternatives facing us into our experiences such that we do not just hold onto them as ideas, but actually express them and live them out through our bodies. This is the plan that we settled on for Darren: As we worked through the collection of stickynotes, Darren was able to identify two apparently contradictory faith perspectives and therefore vocational options: 1. Darren could imagine being involved in the armed forces but only for the purposes of liberating the oppressed and establishing justice (as these were the only two purposes from amongst all the opinions he had sought that, in Darren’s opinion, could make a war ‘holy’);

2. On the other hand, Darren identified active nonviolence as a completely alternative faith position where one purposefully engages in conflict resolution through assertive yet peaceful means. The vocation of active non-violence is a reconciliatory way of life that is lived out in relation to personal, communal and global challenges. • Having clarified his faith challenge in this way, we identified various experiences in which he could safely engage, explore and authentically express these alternatives (some call these emersion or limit experiences). The two Darren settled on were applying for and (if accepted) participating in the Army Reserves Tuesday night training program thus exploring option 1 and connecting with Pace e Bene Australia a movement that promotes the spirituality and practice of active non-violence, attending workshops, training and maybe even a protest or two thus exploring option 2. • We then clarified the ‘structure’ of this exploration: the time period, his network of support and accountability, the permission this network would have with their inquiries and the possible warning signs if things weren’t going well. • Finally, Darren had to identify how he was going to bring all this to a resolution. As we discussed these matters, Darren began to see the difference between this activity of faith, and the previous two. Before he was collecting opinions; now he was experientially responding to the challenge. Before he was asking questions; now others will be questioning him. Before he was looking for someone else’s answer to resolve his question; now he will have to resolve it for himself. What began as an innocent catch-up, asking my opinion about holy war has now completely changed. Darren has mapped out an 18-month experiential exploration of his vocation and calling. And because he is a student here at Tabor College, he is considering resolving this quest with a semester long guided study, out of which he intends to produce his conclusion on the matter. Two things remain to be highlighted. First of all, I don’t know if Darren will see this challenge through the 18 months that he has mapped out. It may only last six months, or even three - but the timing is not really the point. What is at stake is an emerging adult facing a tough faith challenge that does not need another opinion; he needs a process that places the initiative and resolution of this matter in an internalised faith perspective. Secondly, but with no less importance, is that while Darren must be invited into a process that helps him to figure this out for himself, it is not something he can do

Quarterly Issue 06 May 2013

Facing tough questions

Activity 1 | Collection

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young adult spirituality

Activity 2 | Evaluation

Quarterly Issue 06 May 2013

Facing tough questions

Activity 1 | Collection

p.8

young adult spirituality

There comes a time - well actually, there will probably be many times - in your faith journey when you recognise that your faith is currently a faith in the faith of others. What I mean by that is: it’s like the walls of your soul are covered with sticky notes containing the collective thoughts and wisdom of your faith community.

in isolation. After much research on this matter, I have become convinced that one of the great contributors to the exodus of emerging adults from our churches and ministries, is that the faith challenges they face cause them to unconsciously engage in the internalisation process that Darren is now consciously and constructively heading into. That is to say, having collected and evaluated the alternatives, they find nothing that actually resolves the faith challenge. Feeling like they have exhausted the resources of their own faith or that of their faith community, they head off in search of answers, usually with no one to accompany them because they have already been labelled a ‘prodigal son/daughter’, ‘lost sheep’, or ‘backslider’ (and usually been asked to step-down from youth leadership).

Feeling like they have exhausted the resources of their own faith or that of their faith community, they head off in search of answers, usually with no one to accompany them because they have already been labelled a ‘prodigal son/ daughter’, ‘lost sheep’, or ‘backslider’ (and usually been asked to step-down from youth leadership).

Our teenagers and emerging adults desperately need faith communities who can handle tough questions and the exploration of (what may be to them) irreverent answers. Amongst the necessity of wise responses and reflective opinions, our young people also need folks willing to journey with young people into their questions and challenges. They need mentors and peers who are willing to put their opinions aside in order to engage young people in a process that draws out their own authentic response - so that we no longer play the role of ‘teacher with answers’ but ‘student with questions’, asking our young people for their own wise responses that they have searched out and can now authentically express in response to the tough challenges of faith.

Writer Brad Chilcott

I have used the word ‘we’ throughout this article because this is not about ‘those people’ who run mandatory detention and strip people of the humanity we believe is our right. It’s about 20 years of us as a nation allowing this to go on in our name, funded with our taxes. It’s not just about overturning mandatory detention because it goes deeper than that.

For 20 years we have taken the world’s most vulnerable people and - ignoring their basic human rights, ignoring our own treaties, international conventions and human sensibilities - have locked them behind bars. We have received the victims of torture, oppression, war and genocide, heard their pleas for safety, refuge and peace and responded with the callous realisation that these disempowered people will be useful for our political maneuverings. We have added anguish of our own to the anguish already experienced, added insecurity and uncertainty to those

of other human beings in order to cement their own power? It is this – they have determined that they are more human than someone else, and, therefore, because of their superior humanity, this kind of behaviour is justified. A tyrant rules by virtue of the fact that they consider themselves more human - and therefore more deserving of power and self-determination - than someone else. It is only when we see ourselves as more human than someone else that we permit injustice and violence to

superior human beings when we stole babies from their mothers and dithered over the financial cost – and the cost to our ego – of an apology. We’ve considered ourselves more human than others when we’ve resented the opportunities given to the generations of migrants that followed our own migration here. And now we have considered ourselves more human than others when we have used the world’s most vulnerable people as expendable pawns in our political games. We have taken on the mindset of the tyrant by believing

We have this option before us – we can show ourselves to be the opposite of the tyrants these people have fled from, or we can become a little more like them each day. who’ve never known peace. We have added violence to violence, pain to pain and devised new forms of mental torture for those who have suffered fear and trauma that we cannot imagine. We have this option before us – we can show ourselves to be the opposite of the tyrants these people have fled from, or we can become a little more like them each day. What enables a tyrant to command or condone the violent, oppressive acts against other human beings that maintains their power? What goes on in the psyche of a person who knowingly undermines the dignity of another human being? Who sees the traumatic consequences of their decisions and policies and yet continues in them? What is happening in the mind of a person who can manipulate the misery

be done in our name. It is only when we consider ourselves to be more deserving of freedom, hope and opportunity than another human being that we allow other people to be robbed of those same rights. It is only when we are the glorified ‘us’ and they are the vilified ‘them’ – when we have taken on the mindset of the oppressor who not only has the position of privilege but believes that position is deserved by right – that such actions are tolerated. Australia has done this before. We have considered ourselves more human than others when we waged fear campaigns against Native Title. We’ve considered ourselves more human than others when we suspended the racial discrimination act. We’ve considered ourselves more human than others when we tolerated a White Australia policy. We’ve considered ourselves

that we are more deserving of freedom, hope, prosperity and opportunity than those who have been robbed of these things once, and have come here to find themselves twice deprived. So we are faced with a choice. The choice to emulate those tyrants and oppressors to whom we claim our democracy is superior, or the choice to set ourselves apart. When we show compassion. When we give people the dignity they deserve simply because they are human like us. When we acknowledge in our words and practices that the border you are born behind should not determine the level of your opportunity to thrive. When we are welcoming and generous. And when our power and popularity is not derived from our ability to manipulate our population’s ability to fear and hate

We need to ask ourselves a deeper question about a people, a culture, that allows such a practice to not only exist but to actually assist our leaders at the polls. We have not merely let an ugly policy slip through the legislative procedure, we have together contributed to the creation of a

we would celebrate that victory. Yet those of us here who are passionate about others, who care about the unfortunate victims of our heartlessness, must do more than change legislation. We must together work towards undermining the culture that permits such legislation – and the language of conflict which sustains it – to exist. We must fight fear with welcome. We must fight hatred with love. We must fight division with unity. We must be wholeheartedly committed to not just ending mandatory detention but to building a nation that can no longer stand for its existence. We must be committed not just to freeing refugees from physical detention, but to cultivating a culture of welcome where refugees know they can truly belong. We must do more than come up with a better processing system, we must continually call out the best in the Australian character – our compassion, inclusion, generosity and fairness – until we’ve reached the point where depriving a fellow human being of their rights is no longer a viable political option.

It is only when we consider ourselves to be more deserving of freedom, hope and opportunity than another human being that we allow other people to be robbed of those same rights. culture where the systematic abuse of suffering people can happen for two decades is not only tolerated, but celebrated. We have allowed the maintenance of a society in which the party that backs away from such mistreatment is said to be too ‘soft’ on people who have arrived suffering, impoverished and traumatised.

It is time to make prejudice unpopular.

There is a policy issue here of course. But the heart of a nation is not altered in an act of legislation. In fact, legislation follows the heart of a nation. The asylum seekers that are damaged by our cruel migration laws are suffering the results of the deadening of the Australian heart, the corruption of the Australian character and the searing of the Australian conscience.

It is not only up to ‘them’ who are able to change legislation, it is up to us who elect our representatives to influence the nation’s heart. We need more than new policies, we need a new conscience, the collective conscience of a population who simply say ‘they are people just like us’.

If mandatory detention ended today thousands of lives would be spared further suffering and

It is time to make cruelty hurt at the polling booths. It is time to do more than end mandatory detention. It’s time to end the culture of fear, division and discrimination that makes it possible and, indeed, rewards those who support it.

And, together, I believe that we can shape this future, a future where policies are not only changed, but where such abuses aren’t possible simply because the people of this nation no longer allow them. It’s time for a change of policy, it’s time for a change of character and it’s time for a change of heart. May it begin with us today. For more stories or to get involved head to welcometoaustralia.org.au

Quarterly Issue 06 May 2013

then we show ourselves to be the opposite of the tyrants from whom the world’s refugees have fled.

p.12

welcome to australia

Writer Brad Chilcott

It is time to make prejudice unpopular.

If mandatory detention ended today thousands of lives would be spared further suffering and

Quarterly Issue 06 May 2013

then we show ourselves to be the opposite of the tyrants from whom the world’s refugees have fled.

p.12

welcome to australia

Our teenagers live in a culture where dildos, swinging, S&M, and sexting are the norm. Throughout popular media - whether TV shows, video games or movies - sex has been reduced to skin on skin. For many teenagers, sex has become a purely physical act, fully divorced from spirituality, love, and commitment. Sex, pornography, and ‘hooking up’ are all met with the same response: “It’s no big deal.” Most teenagers today don’t know where to turn to learn about sex, and many feel confused, fearful, and alone as a result. Those who are struggling with sexual addiction or unhealthy patterns don’t know how to find freedom and healing from the choices they’ve made, and they are afraid the church will label them as perverts if they come clean with their true struggles. Youth group leaders often ask: “Where are the parents in all of this!?” Unfortunately, many parents fail to set a Christlike example. Other parents are simply too terrified or overwhelmed to talk about sex with their teenagers. They think their teenagers are strong enough or good enough to stay ‘pure’, and if they aren’t, they don’t want to know about it. Some parents write off their child’s behavior as ‘kids being kids’. In fact, one 15-year-old girl told me that her non-Christian parents practically mocked her when she told them of her decision to save sex until marriage.

we need to talk about pornography Writer Craig Gross

The good news is that this means you - the youth worker are on the front lines in the battle to shape, challenge, and encourage students toward sexual wholeness and purity. Talking about these topics isn’t easy. In an ideal world, our students would learn about sex in age-appropriate, incremental stages based on what their parents, educators, and physicians know about healthy child development. Parents would help their kids develop a healthy perspective on relationships, sex, intimacy, love, and marriage, and they would be able to protect them from harmful, explicit, and violent content. Most parents are unfortunately clueless, overwhelmed, or intimidated when it comes to talking with their kids about sexuality, much less pornography. And so they turn away as their kids idolise nearly naked pop-princesses, watch ‘family channel’ shows filled with insinuated and simulated premarital sex, and have unrestricted access to pornography through gaming devices, mobile phones, and laptops. As a

result, the powerful, misleading messages portrayed in the media and through Internet pornography are taking the lead in educating our students about sex.

Pornography | The New Sex Ed

While there are many helpful and age-appropriate sex education sites online, the average student we work with is likely to have had multiple experiences with hardcore pornography by the time they reach their teenage years. The average age at which children will first encounter pornography is 11. Many clinicians suggest however, that due to pornography’s ubiquity online, first-time exposure is likely to occur at much younger ages in the future. Through the Internet, anyone, including the teenagers we work with, has free, easy, and anonymous access to every kind of sexual content. As one 15-year-old explained to me, “You don’t have to wait for a Sex-Ed class in school or have a talk with your parents anymore to learn about sex. You can just go online to find everything you need. The Internet and pornography are where most of my friends have learned what to do.” A 14-year-old girl shared, “When the guys in my class see something in pornography, they want us to do it. Most of my friends first saw pornography on their dad’s computer, or accidentally when they were younger, or with their boyfriends. At first it freaks us out, but then we get used to it. It’s just what kids do today. It’s no big deal.” Another 16-year-old girl confessed, “It can be hard to keep up. I feel like I have to look that way and act that way for guys to think I’m hot. We have to watch that stuff to know what to do.”

Pornography | Clean, Wholesome Fun?

I recently came across Cosmopolitan’s 2010 Sex Survey, which reported that 36 percent of women use pornography as a ‘sex enhancer.’ In another Cosmo article, the magazine implores its readers to explore the many ‘benefits’ of pornography. One paragraph said: “While one must be aware of the dangers of porn addiction, [pornography] can be used as a healthy tool to stimulate one’s sex life. Caution: much of the material out there isn’t for the fainthearted. But then, Cosmo chicas don’t really need that warning, do they?” While statistics vary wildly regarding the actual percentage of men, women, and children viewing pornography,

Quarterly Issue 06 May 2013 p.14

More likely than not, the youth group you volunteer with today looks a whole lot different from the youth group of 10, 20, or 30 years ago. Girls show up wearing tiny miniskirts and clearly visible lacy bras. Guys joke about boners and blowjobs with no hint of embarrassment. Many teenagers are hooking up with their friends, their friends’ friends, and even their friends’ friends’ friends sometimes even at youth group events.

we need to talk about pornography Writer Craig Gross

result, the powerful, misleading messages portrayed in the media and through Internet pornography are taking the lead in educating our students about sex.

Pornography | The New Sex Ed

Pornography | Clean, Wholesome Fun?

Quarterly Issue 06 May 2013 p.14

Pornography | New Hard-Core Norm

Some of you may not get why this is a big deal (although I hope you do!). Perhaps you stumbled across a Playboy magazine as a youngster and you don’t feel damaged as a result. Perhaps you’ve only been exposed to soft-core pornography, or maybe you are part of the minority of adults who have never encountered pornography. If so, it’s critical to understand that pornography has dramatically changed with the advent of the Internet. Unfortunately, once users scrape beyond the soft-core surface of the pornography industry, they will dive into the ‘anything goes’ world of hardcore pornography, filled with fetish, violence, bestiality, genital torture, group ‘gangbangs,’ and ‘barely legal’ content. The explosion of users and pornography sites has challenged the profitmaking model of most mainstream pornographers. With so much exposure, viewers need a new high. To combat this desensitisation and to competitively differentiate their product, pornography producers have created a vast array of niche, hardcore, violent, and fetish pornography. Many pornography stars have explained that the actions commonly depicted in today’s pornography were almost non-existent before the advent of the Internet. What was once considered ‘hardcore’ pornography is now considered mainstream. A quick look at some of the categories offered by one of the top pornography sites today showed categories including bondage, cumshots, fisting, teen, orgy, shemale, hardcore, and triple penetration. In one analysis of 50 best-selling adult titles, half of the 304 scenes surveyed showed extreme verbal aggression and over 88 percent included extreme physical aggression. I took a quick look at this year’s Adult Video Network (AVN) award categories, which include: ‘Best Orgy/Gangbang Release,’ ‘Best Young Girl Release,’ ‘Best Squirting Release’ (female ejaculation), and ‘Best All-Girl Group Sex Scene’ (which must include sex scenes between four or more women at once). The titles of previous winners in these categories are too explicit for me to include.

Is Pornography Just Harmless Fun?

Contrary to what the culture says, pornography is not just ‘harmless fun.’ The pornography ‘fantasy’ is spilling over into almost every corner of our culture—pushing powerful messages about human sexuality, sexual relationships, women’s bodies, sexual expectations and sexual norms. As one report explained, “Modern trends in pornography consumption and production, sexualised media, sex crime, online sexual predators, Internet dating services, and sexualised cyber-bullying, have created a world more sexually disorienting, daunting, and aggressive than ever before.” In this world, our children are exposed to pornographic and sexual content at earlier and earlier ages, in developmentally damaging ways.

Action Steps Talk about it

Pornography is undoubtedly an incredibly awkward and difficult subject to talk about with your students, but it’s a huge issue that impacts nearly every teenager with which you work. The enemy is using pornography to break up marriages, create false expectations, drive people away from authentic love and intimacy, and, of course, create distance between God and God’s people. The next generation’s sexual and relational stability are at stake, and no one is immune to being impacted by the onslaught of the culture’s sexual messages. More likely than not, if you’ve established trust with your students, once you start talking with them about this subject, you won’t be able to get them to stop sharing personal stories. Teenagers today are very confused and they are thirsty for clear answers and help.

Stay calm

Remember to stay calm, use humour, and approach this subject with humility. Listen to what your students say, and don’t condemn or shame them in any way. Don’t forget that, for most teenagers, this is the new norm; fetishes like hentai, cartoon, bisexual, violent, and MILF content are available through almost all major online pornography sites, so it’s likely that your youth have been exposed. It’s possible that you will hear about things that will shock and even disgust you, but you must not let that show. Encourage your students to seek the Lord and to share their struggles before God. Although viewing pornography can make them feel distant from the Lord, God is waiting for them to return to Him and accept his love and forgiveness.

Speak God’s truth

Also, remind them what God has to say. Although the Bible doesn’t directly talk about “Internet pornography,” the Greek term pornea is found throughout the New Testament, and it’s the root of our English word pornography. And when pornea is used, it’s talking about sexual sin or sex outside of the marital context God prescribes. Likewise, pornography represents a form of sexual escape and sexual experience outside the marital context for which God created sex. The Ten Commandments might not say, ‘Thou shalt not look at pornography,’ they do tell us we should not commit adultery, and Jesus got to the real meaning of this commandment when He said, ‘I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart’ Matthew 5:28. When our students look at pornography, they are lusting after a man or a woman (or sometimes a group of them together—or even cartoons), and they’re committing adultery in their heart and mind. God’s word tells us that our bodies, our minds and our hearts were not meant for sexual immorality, but for purity, and that we should avoid every hint of sexual immorality—anything that causes our mind, our heart, and our body to sin and lust, which pornography certainly does.

Help them establish safeguards

As leaders, help your students to distinguish God’s truth from the lies of the culture. Remind them that you are here to help. If they are struggling with pornography, talk to them about accountability and putting into place practices that can help them avoid situations that get them into trouble. One student stopped taking his mobile device and computer into his room at night, because he knew the temptation would be too strong. Another student was brave enough to talk with his parents and get them to purchase a filter and accountability software to help him make better choices online. Two teenage girls that were both struggling with using cybersex rooms agreed to meet every week before school to debrief and encourage each other to make Christ-like choices online and to abstain from visiting sites that tempted them to sin.

Pray and lead with sensitivity

Given the gravity of the topic, pray and stay in God’s word to discern when it’s right to start talking to your students about this issue. When I decided to start addressing this issue with my students, I gave them a heads-up that we were going to talk about sex, purity, and pornography during our next meeting. I shared with them about my own early exposure to pornography (without going into the nature of the content), how it made me feel at the time and how it impacted my understanding of sexuality later in life. I asked many questions regarding whether they had seen pornography and whether they believed people in their class were looking at pornography. I asked them how it made them feel when their peers looked at pornography, and I told them about the harms related to viewing pornography.

Confront sin

Some teenagers will probably tell you that they look at pornography so they won’t have sex with their girlfriends or boyfriends. Help them to realise that sin is still sin. Rather than establishing their own standards for purity and focusing on what feeds their sexual desires, they need to focus on the behaviours that will help them draw closer to God. Talk to them about the unhealthy precedent they are setting for the rest of their lives, and help them to better understand the many harms of pornography use. Our students’ habituation to pornography predisposes them to engage in sexually risky behavior. One study among adolescents found a strong association between pornography consumption and engaging in oral and anal sex If your students are looking at pornography, some of them may not understand why this is a big deal. It’s possible that their porn use has not affected them yet. Unfortunately, what often begins as occasional use can easily blossom into a full-bodied addiction to pornography. Many teenagers believe they will stop using pornography once they get married but the practices we establish during our single years are generally the practices that we bring into our marriage years. In our line of work, we’ve met thousands of people who have told us that pornography has led them to behaviours and places they wish they had never gone. While your students may seem to be enjoying a consequence-free season of pornography-related sin, at some point, they will reap what they sow. Want to join the conversation? Head to XXXCHURCH.com for more articles and resources. Check out their small group series Pure Sex if you would like to engage this topic further with your youth group.

Quarterly Issue 06 May 2013

the theme is consistent: pornography use has become normalised in our culture. Porn stars are now mainstream icons, little girls wear the Playboy bunny with pride on their T-shirts and our music industry continues to push the limits of ‘sexual expression’ to the point that today’s music videos resemble the ‘soft-core’ pornography of yesterday. As author Gail Dines describes in her book ‘Pornland’, shows like Girls Gone Wild have positioned themselves “not as a porn product, but rather as hot, sexy fun that pushes the envelope of mainstream pop culture.”

p.16

“Modern trends in pornography consumption and production, sexualised media, sex crime, online sexual predators, Internet dating services, and sexualised cyber-bullying, have created a world more sexually dis-orienting, daunting, and aggressive than ever before.”

Pornography | New Hard-Core Norm

Is Pornography Just Harmless Fun?

Action Steps Talk about it

Stay calm

Speak God’s truth

Help them establish safeguards

Pray and lead with sensitivity

Confront sin

Quarterly Issue 06 May 2013

p.16

It was 5am and I sat bolt upright in bed. The job of moving all we owned into a cramped, mouldy commission townhouse had finished late the previous night. Here we were, my wife Lisa and two small daughters, Kshama and Kiera, moving interstate, away from friends and family, with a lot of enthusiasm and love for Jesus, but little or no plan. As we were shifting boxes in, under the watchful eye of a few neighbours, one of them tentatively approached us. We were nearly both knocked over as a man in a balaclava roared between us on his Harley Davidson. As we recovered, he pointed his long-neck of VB towards me and said, “Welcome to the neighborhood, it ain’t hell here, but it ain’t heaven either”. He cocked his head back, roared with laughter, and drained the bottle. It was only 7.30 in the morning. Our place was located down a long, dark alleyway, seemingly built as an afterthought, on the end of Bougainville Road. As I continued the move, my mind was spinning: “There is no turning back now, here you are, deep in the heart of Australia’s largest, and one of it’s most notorious, public housing estates. What have you done?” It wasn’t fear that woke me the next morning, I’d hardly slept, it was the slow rumbling sound of the rubbish truck approaching. The bins! I’d forgotten to put the bins out! Out I ran in my boxer shorts. As I was running with my bin I looked up and froze. There was broken glass everywhere. A kid with two samurai swords was smashing car windows to steal stereos. It was a scary and

tense moment and I was frozen to the spot. I must have let out a feeble yelp, as the kid turned his attention from the cars to look at me. He must have mistaken my terror for anger and began to head towards me, brandishing his swords. All I could do was wish that I’d worn a better pair of underwear and wasn’t a wimp. An angry shout then broke the tension. Yesterday’s motorcycle rider’s “little” brother appeared. Little is really the wrong word to describe him. He is a hulk of a man, standing over 2 metres tall, with a well-muscled 120kg frame.

caught him, but I have to wear an ankle bracelet which only allows me 50 metres from my front door, lucky kid!” Help! What kind of spirituality could possibly help us survive in this community? Nothing neat and clean will do. No ‘Jesus, me and a cup of tea’ kind of connection was going to cut it in these broken down, littered, graffiti covered, violent alleyways. No spirituality that gives a warm, tingly buzz, as we gently rock back on our favourite chair in our warm study would suffice.

We are still here and it isn’t easy. Nothing worthwhile ever is. What has held us together? Christ, Community and Crying - yes crying. It was now the kid’s turn to yelp! I relaxed a little as my new best mate ran after him. The kid dropped the swords and took off, but his pursuer had speed. I was tense again; this scene could yet turn ugly if the kid got caught. Just as he was about to catch the would-be thief, the pursuer stopped, cursing as the assailant disappeared. He walked back, scooped up both swords with one of his massive hands and tested them out against the rotting wooden fencing of the alleyway, seemingly pleased with his new acquisition. Why did he stop? I was intrigued. I thanked him for saving me and then commended him on his amazing self-control, and asked why he chose to stop chasing the kid. He paused, turned to face me, looking me in the eye while pointing one of the swords straight at me: “I would have caught him, I could have

That was nearly 6 years ago, and we have seen some amazing things happen as the light shines into the chaos and the darkness of people’s lives. We are still here and it isn’t easy. Nothing worthwhile ever is. What has held us together? Christ, Community and Crying - yes crying. Let me explain. For years, Lisa and have taken a different approach to responding to the hurts and disappointments that life has dealt many of our friends. My way is the better way of course, I learnt to cope through encasing my heart with armour. Lisa lets hers break. That was until last week, when in the space of a few hours I met a series of young men. One, who when asked the simple goal setting/dream/ motivational question ‘if you could have anything what would it be?’

lowered his head and muttered, “a family who loves me...” his heart laying bare his true desires. Another, all of 12 years of age, who is trying desperately to face reality head on in a way not many in his family do, suffered his first panic attack. As we went for a drive together to talk through what was happening he realised that this was actually a sign that he is a healthy young man. He has to deal with a mountain of crap that is not his fault. Internalising the stress hasn’t worked. Besides, there is simply too much to deal with, and tragically, it’s all real. During the chat he began to cry, “I am so afraid of my emotions”. Another kid, 13, has found that self-harming helps him control his world. Another boy, 11, is sick and tired of his mother being bashed by her boyfriend, and has taken to sleeping with a knife under his pillow so he can protect her. And another, and another and another... The realisation that I couldn’t fix everything left me feeling so helpless. Running from pain into denial or pleasure seeking no longer works, which is a real pity. As I took a drive to work all this through, I pumped the stereo up loud and burst into tears. A flood streamed down my cheeks, their heat melting away the steel; a searing reminder of my humanity, our common humanity. They were God given tears of healing. It was a reminder that the heart that breaks holds together. It may hurt like hell, but it is infinitely stronger than the heart encased in steel, because, whilst bruised, it remains tender and open to still love in the midst of pain. Upon hearing about the death of Lazarus, Jesus first response was to weep. That’s a missional response. It’s where we can find hope to go on; all of us, all a little bit broken, moving together towards healing, all seeking the love that Christ still lavishes on the hurting. What kind of spirituality is going to sustain in tough places? The kind of spirituality that engages with the world in all it’s pain and suffering head on, and seeks to heal and transform it through Jesus. A spirituality that lifts our broken bodies up from the streets, and pushes us back out into a world that desperately needs Jesus. For more information on the work of UNOH head to unoh.org Weekly Blog | ‘The Huddle’. Email jonowen@unoh.org with the message “Subscribe me Please.”

Quarterly Issue 06 May 2013

Writer Jon Owen

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ministering in tough places

Quarterly Issue 06 May 2013

Writer Jon Owen

p.18

ministering in tough places

Youth Beyond Blue

youthbeyondblue.com Australian anxiety and depression website for young people with information, free downloads and stories from other young people. Also provides a 24 hour helpline for information and referrals.

Writer Jessica Killeen Imagine... The preparation is done, the leaders are ready to play their part, the room is decorated and all the elements of your great night have come together well. You are about to launch into your session when several girls emerge from the toilets clearly shaken. “She’s lost it” they say, “she’s shaking and saying weird things and we can’t get her to stop...”

Have someone with them at all times to help maintain their safety while professional support is sought (directly or by parents). In situations where the young person is very distressed and has immediate means to carry through their suicidal plan, contact police immediately.

Or... A 14-year-old boy approaches you, concerned for his friend who has been avoiding eating on camp all week and has been commenting about how fat he is. He says that he has tried to talk to him but he always just shrugs it off and says that he isn’t hungry or “mind your own business.”

Don’t agree to ‘keep it a secret’

Kids Help Line

We have all been confronted by a ‘spanner in the works’ in our ministry with young people - the inflatable that doesn’t arrive, the movie that turns out to have a different rating, the facility being double booked, or the student who hangs off their new girlfriend making everyone else uncomfortable. But increasingly, a more challenging type of ‘spanner’ is confronting youth ministers and leaders: serious mental health issues.

NIMH

In Australia, a national survey of Mental Health and Wellbeing found that one in five Australians (approximately 3.2 million people) had a common mental health illness during the previous 12 months

kidshelpline.com.au Service for young people up to 26 years of age with information and telephone or web based counseling. Ph 1800 55 1800 National Institute of Mental Health

nimh.nih.gov A great US Government website for adults who want information about mental health issues.

ReachOut

reachout.com.au Australian site with information for young people about a range of topics as well as fact sheets, interactive games, activities and forums.

If a young person is suicidal do not leave them alone

The most common mental health illnesses were identified as depression, anxiety disorders and substance use disorders. In looking more specifically at young people, one in four were found to have a mental illness, with certain sub-groups being more at risk, such as young people in foster care or those of Aboriginal descent. Working with adolescents has always required an understanding of the turbulence of the teenage years. But now there is a growing need to be able to differentiate between what would be understood as normal teenage behaviours (such as mood swings, seeking risk, redefining of relationships, testing limits) and those that indicate the possibility of a more serious mental health issue. All people have ‘mental health’, just as we all have physical health, along a spectrum of possibilities. As with physical health, the mental health of a young person will change over their lifetime and depends on many factors. In Australia, half of all people who will experience mental illness will have their first episode by the age of 18, and three quarters by the age of 25. This makes young people (and often those who are working to support them!) particularly at risk of experiencing a mental health issue.

You can’t keep it a secret if a young person is being hurt by someone (including all types of abuse) or if they are hurting themselves (non-suicidal self harming, or an attempt or intention for suicide), so you are best not to put yourself in an awkward situation by making a promise you can’t keep. If you are asked to keep a secret, you could respond by saying “that’s not a promise I can make, but if you share something with me that needs to be shared with another adult, I will talk with you about it first and you can be a part of the decision about who we talk to and how that happens.”

To contact parents or not?

Depending on the age of the young person, and how at risk you believe the young person is, it may be appropriate to contact parents. In order to maintain the trust of the young person, it is best to talk to the young person first about why you think this could be helpful or necessary. Very often young people are reassured by an adult’s willingness to take them seriously and that adults will be working together to support them. Another consideration is how ‘at risk’ at young person is, and whether your church/group has certain procedures in place for this. If you are not sure, it is worth asking before you find yourself in such a situation.

Operate on a ‘needs to know basis’

This means that if someone doesn’t need to know about a situation then they don’t get included. Allow the young person to give ideas about who they think are the important people to know about their struggle. For example, a young person may want all leaders to know that they sometimes struggle with social anxiety, so that they can be understanding in unstructured group times. However, that same young person may not want all of the leaders to know that they had a panic attack recently where they wet their pants. Information needs to be shared to maintain the safety of the individual and the group but it doesn’t need to be shared simply to ‘keep everyone in the loop’. Be clear with the young person about who information is being shared with and why.

Look after yourself

You can get support for yourself by talking to a peer, mentor or professional agency (see resources). Mostly, this support can be received without you sharing the name of the young person you are working with, out of respect for their privacy. Caring for someone who has a mental health issue of any sort can be extremely demanding, so you need to allow yourself time to rest, recharge and learn.

Refer

Don’t take on the sole responsibility of supporting the young person yourself, but involve others, especially professionals, who are trained and experienced in providing support in these specific mental health areas. This strengthens the young person’s support, and helps you to be able to play your unique and important role in their life, instead of trying to handle the whole thing yourself. As much as possible don’t make big decisions alone; talk to your team leader/mentor for support/ advice as you go.

Provide an environment that is characterised by grace

When the young person returns to your group after a situation where others became aware that there was a mental health issue raised, they may be embarrassed about what others saw, said or heard about it. Reassure them that it is quite common to face these types of struggles, that they are still accepted for who they are, and that this ‘one off’ or this one issue doesn’t define who they are as a person. Never suggest a young person stop their medications or current strategies This should never be done without seeking medical/ professional advice first. Mental health issues may be challenging not only to the young people experiencing them but also to the fabric of your group. Take the time to consider how you have responded in the past and what could be different next time. Youth ministries provide places of belonging, significance and meaning for young people that have been shown to improve overall wellbeing and resilience. When mental health issues arise I am greatly encouraged that young people do respond well to support and helpful treatments, and that there are many youth leaders who are becoming more aware and willing to support them through this process.

Quarterly Issue 06 May 2013

Further sources

things to remember

p.20

being prepared for a mental health crisis

Youth Beyond Blue

Don’t agree to ‘keep it a secret’

Kids Help Line

NIMH

In Australia, a national survey of Mental Health and Wellbeing found that one in five Australians (approximately 3.2 million people) had a common mental health illness during the previous 12 months

kidshelpline.com.au Service for young people up to 26 years of age with information and telephone or web based counseling. Ph 1800 55 1800 National Institute of Mental Health

nimh.nih.gov A great US Government website for adults who want information about mental health issues.

ReachOut

reachout.com.au Australian site with information for young people about a range of topics as well as fact sheets, interactive games, activities and forums.

If a young person is suicidal do not leave them alone

To contact parents or not?

Operate on a ‘needs to know basis’

Look after yourself

Refer

Provide an environment that is characterised by grace

Quarterly Issue 06 May 2013

Further sources

things to remember

p.20

being prepared for a mental health crisis

the case for staying silent

Writer Kylie Butler

Writer Jamie Haith If my wife knew I was writing this she would kill me. She wants nothing to do with anything public, but I think it’s time her story was told. It’s a simple story really, set at a university in London, England a few years ago. At first in uni halls, then in a rented house. She lived alongside some great people; great people whose lives were changed forever by knowing her. She prayed for them incessantly, cared for them continuously and loved God relentlessly. One by one they came to know the love of God for themselves simply because of her natural faith and living witness among them. She was there for them, and she listened to them. Simple as that. (And, yes, they are all great friends to this day.) Now, I have to admit that when I look back on my time at university I do so with a certain degree of regret. Don’t get me wrong, it was great to live with other Christians and be really involved with all sorts of Christian activity on campus. It was easy to do as there was always a lot going on. But I know, if I’m honest, that I let myself get stuck in the Christian ghetto. By my final year, almost all of my friends were from either church or the campus fellowship group. And so I fell at the first hurdle of evangelism: when it came to just being there, I wasn’t. In my immaturity I failed to make honest, real friendships with people who weren’t already ‘in the club’. That all seems half a lifetime ago (…probably because that’s exactly what it is!). For the last eight years it has been my pleasure to head up Student Alpha and Youth Alpha.

Today I am passionate about seeing every student equipped and released to offer the truth of the love of God to their friends at school and college. I often find myself reflecting on those unique and precious years in full time education, and I find myself wondering what I would do different if I had my time over. Want to know what conclusion I’ve come to? I would work on two things.

Don’t get me wrong; it’s great to be convinced of the truth. It’s great to be overflowing with life and excitement about God’s grace. It’s great to have studied and to know all the finest words to express the most profound theological doctrines. That’s all fine, but is anyone listening? The Church can be just as bad as everyone else at talking when no one is listening.

Being out there and listening. Not exactly earth shattering, is it?!

I love The Alpha Course because it has at its heart the expectation that those who are hosting it are devoting themselves to the fine art of listening, allowing guests to be themselves, engaging with them,

But, tell me this: in this crazy old world of ours, where everybody is talking…just who is listening?

I believe, and my experience has shown, that the majority of evangelism is just a case of keeping silent. I believe, and my experience has shown, that the majority of evangelism is just a case of keeping silent. Isn’t it great that it’s so simple? If you are keen to make a big difference for God, if you want to be eloquent in your expression of the gospel, then that’s the place to start: just be around people who don’t know Jesus, and don’t say a word! All of us can do that. One of the most powerful ways of showing someone that they matter, and that you care, is simply to be silent as they speak. Allow yourself the time and space to engage with their story, to appreciate all that has gone into making them the person they are before you right now. And pray for them. Pray for them silently. Pray that God’s love would become to them an earth shattering, and a soul healing, reality. Pray for the chance to offer them prayer – you’d be amazed how often that offer is accepted! Give it a go.

caring for them and praying for them. I suppose it goes without saying, however, that guests can only become guests if someone has invited them. So the challenge for us is that we have to be out there, in the clubs and the gyms, in the pub and at the school gates, making friends, being there for them, and listening to them. So now, all dog-collared up as a Church of England minister and about to lead my own church, I hereby make myself accountable to you that I will learn from my mistakes at Uni: that I will wrestle continually with my getting too comfortable in the Christian bubble. I need to be out there, and I need to keep listening. Who knows, one day I might be as natural an evangelist as my wife! ...just don’t tell her I said that.

It’s a warm February night, there is a buzz in the air, and Youth Ministry has never seen better days. We were topping 200 students; many of them were from our local schools and had never heard the gospel before. Some of our youth interns had been running a Youth Alpha program in the schools and regularly seen students respond to Jesus. We were anticipating a big night, the skate ramps were out, the kiosk was full of food & drink, games prepared, preacher ready: tonight we were expecting to see students saved! At leaders prep we noticed one of our key leaders, Tim*, was missing from the leaders’ briefing. A few of tried to call him but there was no answer and we figured he was just running late. Interestingly, he was not the kind of leader to run late for Youth Ministry. It was not until just before starting time that something began to feel uneasy. Tim was rarely this late, and if he was he would always call or SMS. As students began arriving, they were talking about an accident on the highway on their way to Youth. One of our leaders took off in his car to check, and then the report came in; the call that you always dread and the voice you never want to hear. Tim had been killed in a motorbike accident on his way to Youth Ministry. Immediately leaders and students went into shock and disbelief and there was a huge outpouring of grief. Both Adam & myself, as the Youth Pastors, went into shock as well. Everything felt hazy and surreal. No one prepares you for this! There was no training at Bible College for this sort of situation! We had over one hundred students onsite plus an additional 50 leaders, not to mention parents. What are you supposed to do? It seemed like every feeling in my body was hypersensitive and that everything was happening in slow motion. Somehow I was able to phone our Senior Pastor and within minutes, he and the rest of the pastoral team arrived at the church. They were able to orchestrate students phoning their parents to be collected and the accurate story being communicated to parents as they collected their children. As I think back now, the magnitude of that task was unbelievable, and I am so thankful for their support. As the news spread, other young adults, parents and friends began arriving at the church and the extent of Tim’s influence became evident. This was a young man who had touched and influenced many lives, from church to high schools, from the footy club to family. As the night continued on to the early morning, we shared stories, cried, sobbed, hugged, sat in silence and we prayed together.

Name Changed

Tim’s funeral was so jam packed that there was standing room only and even then people spilled out into the foyer. Hundreds of students, leaders, friends, students’ parents, footy mates, and family filled the church. It was evident that Tim was a young man who had an incredible overlap of church and non-church friends and whose influence was quite apparent. The days following saw a flood of grief in the local schools. One school allowed a memorial service for those who couldn’t attend the funeral. As a result, the numbers at the Youth Alpha course increased and we saw a pile of students make commitments at the back of that. We noticed during this time, that there are many forms of grief; sadness, quiet, anger, disbelief, shock and every person deals with it differently and for many the pain may dim but it never goes away. We felt very blessed to be within a great team, a team that supported us as leaders personally and supported us as we supported those in our ministry who were grieving.

Some thoughts about grief: • People respond differently, allow them to • People’s timing of grief is different and that’s OK • Encourage people to share (over and over again) • Look out for each other • Care for yourself as a leader • Know the different forms of grief • Grief is a journey not a moment • Choose to remember, for the sake of yourself and others • Be prayerful Tough seasons in life and ministry are inevitable, as is pain, loss, frustration, despair, but during those times do we push into the loving comfort of God or do we move away from God and attempt to do it in our own strength? Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free. The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation Psalms 118:1,5-6,14

Quarterly Issue 06 May 2013

facing grief

p.22

evangelism:

the case for staying silent

Writer Kylie Butler

Being out there and listening. Not exactly earth shattering, is it?!

But, tell me this: in this crazy old world of ours, where everybody is talking…just who is listening?

Name Changed

Quarterly Issue 06 May 2013

facing grief

p.22

evangelism:

GOD • FRIENDS • ACTIVITIES • FUN • CREATIVITY

vic.youthvision.org.au/illuminate