Editorial: When Bad Things Bring Good Lessons

Kerry K. Carney, DDS, CDE

Some folks like to say that “everything happens for a reason.” The phrase is usually meant to comfort in times of loss and pain. However, that platitude can have the exact opposite effect when it discounts or diminishes the real and lasting emotional impact of traumatic events. If we acknowledge that bad things can happen for no reason, then it is incumbent on each of us to draw lessons from negative events in order to frame our lives as more than just a collection of random events.

Lessons can guide us to improve the life experiences of others and ourselves. Take, for example, the lessons we can learn from this pandemic.

I met recently with a local community service board. It was the first time we had met face to face in 20 months. The board is made up primarily of individuals at high risk for COVID-19 (most of our members are over 65). We had met a few times over Zoom, but this was not a group that felt comfortable meeting in person or over Zoom during the pandemic.

We met inside. Everyone was vaccinated and boosted, but some members felt more comfortable wearing face masks. The main purpose of our meeting was to present a slate of officers for 2022. Last year, everyone agreed to extend their office terms for one year due to the difficult pandemic environment. The meeting was one I will long remember.

Usually, people are hesitant to take on the duties of an office and it takes some cajoling and concession to fill the slate. This meeting was different. Everyone was enthusiastic and eager. Creative ideas and positive suggestions were contagious. By the end of the meeting, we had a full slate of officers and had mapped out a direction for the group for 2022. Fundraising events were outlined, and an intention to reach out to other groups in our community was established and embraced. We all left the meeting energized and united by our uplifted spirits.

I have thought a lot about that meeting since. Working with people can be challenging. Everyone brings so much psychological baggage with them. In groups, it is hard not to succumb to the endorphins of conquest, vindication and revenge. It is the rare individual who is satisfied to simply help another succeed and be recognized without requiring recognition for themselves. A unity of purpose can be a powerful motivator for that more positive behavior.

Personal confession: I do not particularly enjoy a couple of the people in the group, but I appreciated the interaction. After our long, drawn-out COVID-19 winter of discontent, we were starved for social group interaction. After months and months of social media echo chambers that heightened tribal divisions and reinforced our biases, it was a relief. It was enjoyable to have to be nice to people I was not fond of previously. Instead of shouting insults (the equivalent of ALL CAPS texting) or “dropping the mic” after making a particularly cutting remark, we engaged in the kind of small talk that reminded each of us that we are more alike than we are different.

COVID-19 Lesson No. 1: Humans are indeed social animals.

To be healthy, happy individuals, we need to play well with others. It is a lesson we learned in elementary school, and it took this disrupting pandemic to remind me of its importance.

My next lesson became clear that same week when our office manager called to let me know that one of our providers had wrenched her back and was in the emergency room waiting to be seen. Pre-COVID-19 I would have launched into emergency mode. Cortisol levels would have risen as I imagined the disruption having her out for an extended period could mean. However, now after making sure she was being cared for and checking to see that her family would not be significantly impacted, there was a therapeutic calm. My first thoughts were: We were closed for 10 weeks with little notice last year and we survived. The pandemic has given us perspective. We have seen much worse and survived. With that perspective comes resilience.

Here are three definitions of resilience from dictionary.com:

■ “The power or ability of a material to return to its original form, position … after being bent or stretched…”

■ “The ability of a person to adjust to or recover readily from illness, adversity, major life changes, etc.”

■ “The ability of a system or organization to respond to or recover readily from a crisis, [or] disruptive process…”

We have all been bent and stretched by the disruptions caused by this pandemic. We have had to change, how we practice dentistry to some degree. We have had to deal with patients who were not just fearful of dental procedures but who were fearful for their very lives. We have dealt with fearful co-workers, colleagues, family and friends. And our professional organizations have responded and continue to respond effectively to the emergent needs of dental professionals in this public health crisis.

COVID-19 Lesson No. 2: Resilience.

We are experiencing a rebound as a result of our resilience.

Finally, the COVID-19 pandemic has taught me to count my blessings. I am grateful for everyone and everything that helped us endure. I am grateful to all those who reached out to maintain those essential human connections. I am grateful to our staff who showed courage, strength and creativity in problem-solving. I am grateful to our patients who put their trust in us and made our office the first place they came to once they could leave their homes.

COVID-19 Lesson No. 3: Gratitude.

It was a pleasant surprise to realize how lucky I am to have the family, friends and spouse that I have. It did not take me long to realize I was in an extended lockdown with the most charming, entertaining and caring person in the world.

The pandemic is bad. These lessons are good. These are lessons we can embrace and act on.