Cedar Telegram (bi-monthly publication) by Cedar College

TELEGRAM TELEGRAM TELEGRAM

AUGUST -

MESSAGE FROM THE TEAM

Dear Cedar Knights

The Publications Society proudly presents the first edition of The Telegram for this academic year. The Telegram is published bi-monthly and features, and is entirely made of your own (the student body’s) work. It features a wide range of pieces; from poetry all the way to digital art. Anything and everything is welcome, provided it fits the theme for the issue.

Publications is a open and vast society, especially when it comes to the concept of expression and that is what we are hoping to provide for you, a channel through which you can express yourself and get credited for your work. It is a platform where you can be yourself and showcase your niche interests. We look forward to collaborating with all of you and if you have any questions or suggestions, please do not hesitate to reach out to us!

THEME FOR THIS ISSUE

This edition’s theme is “ New beginnings, new chances” The concept is similar to that of “Back to school”. The idea is to showcase and discuss how; whether you are starting AS or A2, it is a fresh start and an opportunity to do something new/different, to gather new experiences and learn more, to live life. The back to school portion of it is taken from the fact that it is a college year starting, however which aspect of college life or life in general, you feel like showcasing I entirely up to you, hence "new beginnings, new chances".

With that said we would like to thank everyone that contributed their amazing pieces of work. We hope we have done your work justice. We were blown away by the sheer volume of submissions! While we can't include every piece in this edition, we're excited to share that we'll be featuring more work in upcoming editions of the Telegram. Keep an eye out for future showcases - your work might be next!

In the dynamic tapestry of life, the arrival of new chances and new opportunities is often hailed as the gateway to growth and success.

However, while the conventional wisdom supports the idea that these moments should be embraced, a closer examination reveals that not all new chances are beneficial or desirable. This essay argues that while new opportunities can indeed offer significant advantages, their value is contingent on a variety of factors including timing, individual readiness, and the alignment with personal goals.

First, the timing of an opportunity plays a crucial role in determining its potential benefits. An opportunity presented at an inopportune moment may lead to more harm than good. For example, starting a new business during an economic downturn can be risky, possibly leading to financial instability rather than success. Thus, not all new chances are inherently advantageous; their success depends on contextual factors that must be carefully evaluated.

Moreover, individual readiness is another critical factor. Embracing new opportunities often requires a degree of preparedness and skill that not everyone possesses at the moment. Jumping into an opportunity without the requisite experience or resources can lead to failure and frustration. Therefore, the effectiveness of seizing new chances is contingent upon one’s ability to meet the demands of the situation.

Lastly, the alignment of new opportunities with personal goals and values is essential. Opportunities that do not align with ones core objectives can divert focus and lead to dissatisfaction. For instance, a lucrative job offer in a field that does not resonate with one’s passions may result in short-term gain but long-term dissatisfaction.

In conclusion, while new chances and opportunities are widely regarded as valuable, their true benefit is not universally guaranteed. The timing, individual readiness, and alignment with personal goals are critical factors that determine whether these moments will lead to meaningful growth or merely present challenges.

Therefore, a nuanced approach that considers these elements is essential for effectively harnessing the potential of new opportunities.

~ Aaira Ahmed

FROM ASHES TO LIFE

A door closes behind me, with a sorrowful sigh

As I step into the unknown, with tears in my eyes

The memories of what we had, linger like a stain

A reminder of the love that could never be regained I wander through the darkness, searching for the light

But every step I take, feels like a step into the night

I'm trying to find my way, through the heartache and pain

But every road I take, leads me further from love's refrain

The city's awake around me, with a cold, harsh sound

As I try to find my place, in this world that's turned around I'm chasing the shadows, of what we used to be

But they vanish in the light, leaving me to plead

In this desolate landscape, I search for a heart to mend

But every door I open, leads me further from the love that ended

I'm trying to move on, but it's hard to let go

Of the love we shared, and the memories that linger so

The wind whispers secrets, of what could have been

A bittersweet reminder, of love's fleeting dream

I'm left to pick up the pieces, of a heart that's broken in two

And find a way to heal, without the love that once shone true

~ Taha Ali

Ramsha Ghofran

I still write of you, tracing the words we left to fade, But now I’ve carved a path that’s wholly mine, self made.

The choices that once defined me, the person I becameWere they Truly mine, or just a reflection of your name?

You lingered in my shadow, shaping every stride, But now, whatever it was, I can’t help but write, still tied.

My words, long felt, the deed, long done, I seek a brighter view, one where I am not the one on the run.

The bittersweet aftertaste, is it revenge I taste?

Or the closing of a chapter, where memories fade to waste?

Whatever it may be, wherever it may lead, I wish to not write of you forever, nor let these wounds bleed.

In every poem, every letter, every song, every tear I shed, I yearn for a fresh page, unsustained by the ghosts of what’s dead.

I pray to forget you, even in silence where I’ve bled.

Image By Safa Sajid

Wistful Wisterias

As August touches spring

Gardens hurl wind

Wanting to escape the treachery

Slashing against each petal, another hope lost

Astray from the mellow

Lead far away, all tuneful logic forgotten

The euphoric spectrum spread across open fields

The formidable ray hooked on the prime Wisterias

The ascension begins, The fleeting moments,

The inclination to stop everything, All sustenance long forgotten about,

Knew to love would be to lose my mind

Sailed over lost memories in time

Never noticed the stomping until the stamp became pronounced

Not for a moment anyone thought to stop her from descending the cliff.

A NEW A NEW BEGINNING BEGINNING

Emerging from the pages from a trek of gold, Archiving the memories I so dearly hold.

For now, its time to start anew, to embrace a new path, My heart drenched in dread, trembling by the hearth.

As I encase this tome, exhaling a quiet sigh, Placing it with the others, letting the tears fly.

Perched on the bookshelf of memories, a vibrant spark, I reach for another, titled Cedar, proud to bear its mark.

Exciting though it is, with a heavy heart I bid adieu, Keen to prosper, to paint a new canvas with fresh hue.

To erect new homes and polish those of old, To taste new flavors and savor tales retold.

The past’s blissful echoes will forever remain, As I step forward, feeling both joy and pain.

In this journey ahead, with the past as my guide, I welcome the future, with my arms open wide.

~ Muhammad Mehdi

Between Chords and Doubts

A new beginning looms large, a figure of the unknown, A chance to be better, and a thousand ways to butcher it, It calls me, yet strikes me in place With nowhere to go, I surrender to my fate. I long to know what lies at the end of my journey;

For that, I must believe, And strum the first chord I know this, but still, I waver.

The odds of success feel too distant for me to wager The demon of doubt has its qualms, hushes my raging want, For it is an off-key note before I can attempt to play my tune Confined to a world existing only in the corner of my dreams,

The last fret on the guitar I cannot reach. I silently vow to escape from its clutches: I will not be bested, I will not give in Find me a mirror depicting not just the frown that creases my forehead, But one that reflects the inner light I know I possess. I wonder how it would feel,

Once my inner light casts its rays upon the world Will the ache in my heart remain, or will the desire for more finally satiate? If I feel seen, Will I hold my head high, or would the last fret weigh heavy on my mind?

But for now it remains a pipe dream, And I will continue to yearn.

Hamna Mubarak

FOR A FRIEND

She walks along a path of leaves, Belonging to familiar, yet fallen trees, She glances across in her sway, A crossroad untrodden, facing her way.

Entering the time to make the choice, Whispered by the trees in silent noise.

Shiver doth her feet, tears burn her eyes, Will she only fail? Will she ever rise?

I barely know her pain, her grief, her strife, For I am a mere character at the fringe of her life,

But she's the child of stars, freedom in her wake, Wherever she may go, new ways shall she make.

Celebrating her family, haunted by her loss, Come what may hindrance; she never gathers moss.

On the path myself: I saw her hug a tree, She made us all smile: the satyrs, nymphs and me. To shade her young successors, seeds of love she'd sow, Ever will she remain the bravest being I know.

~ Amna Mirza

NEWOPPORTUNITIES, NEWCHANCES

As said by the famous American author, Neale Donald, “life begins at the end of your comfort zone ” As a part of the human race we were born with curiosity the moment Eve bit into the forbidden fruit and is the reason why many great discoveries were made by beloved scientists all over the world in different spaces of time.

This curiosity is what ignites new opportunities in our lives however to proceed and take the next step forward one must have courage and faith We only get one life to live in this world and what we choose to do with it is completely in our hands whether we like it or not Just like caterpillars we must first break our old selves down in order to turn into someone twice as radiant such as butterflies. This change can take place in any shape and size for instance taking part in a new hobby or joining a new educational institute after a year of private candidacy, like myself

Furthermore, in order to maintain the change one has made we must not rely on something linear such as motivation but discipline and consistency in order to truly become the new and improved versions we wish to transform into. It is important to remember why we started in the first place and build up the mental stamina to keep going

In acknowledgment to everything written above, I feel that new opportunities and chances shows many illuminating qualities in a person such as curiosity, courage and discipline It is not an easy task to bring change into our lives as we are also creatures of habit which just proves to show how strong minded one is which personally, I think is absolutely inspiring.

At the end of the day, a well tried failure is better than wondering what if.

~ Syeda Fatima Agha

On Cedar’s grounds, where dreams take flight,

A journey begins with the morning light In Karachi’s heart, where futures unfold, New chances arise, new stories are told.

The halls whisper tales of wisdom and grace, Where critical minds find their place. With every step, I shed the past, Embracing challenges, both fierce and vast

Through corridors filled with vibrant life, I walk with hope, shedding all strife. Among companions who dream, who dare to be, I find my path, I begin to see

Cedar, your gates open wide, Welcoming me to the other side. A place where growth and learning blend, Where new beginnings never end.

With Sir Raheel’s smile, both fun and wise, Discipline and joy in his watchful eyes He leads us forward, strong yet kind, A principal with vision, a focused mind.

And in math’s realm, where numbers reign, Sir Saya teaches, with strict refrain He guides us firm, with no easy way, But through his care, we’ll find our day

So here I stand, on the brink of more, Ready to explore, to learn, to soar. With Cedar as my guiding star, I’ll chase my dreams, and go so far

~ Rija Fatima

IMAGE BY MALIHA SHAHID

I stand at the edge of a precipice, amongst the promises broken, unable to move on. My heart thuds in my chest with a monotone rhythm that makes me feel the acuteness of the void inside me. On the cusp of adulthood, I feel nothing but the fear of failure, of letting go of the past, when all it has ever brought me is pain. They never tell you that when you grow up, the dark transforms from something to fear to an impeccable mirror. Why do I still feel the echoes of your voice inside my head when you are gone and I am still here, my world split in monochrome hues that no one sees but me? I know you would want me to fulfil those dreams that I lived for- but the unfortunate thing about dreaming was that I would only end up disappointing myself when I couldn’t reach the stars that I desperately loved I couldn’t feel joy when I laughed, even when I closed my eyes and took a breath to ground myself to reality And yet, as time slips like sand through my fingers, I urge myself to step away from this illusion- to a new place, a new beginning. Even if my heart refuses to stop breaking A new beginning would heal me, I think, but then I remember that half my dreams are buried in the ground next to you- how can I revive them when it gets colder and darker in the ground just like it eclipses my heart?

~ Hamna Siddiqui

DAWNOFA NEWDAY

“You’llbetoorawforsome.You’llbetooloud,toobig,toofierce, tooquiet,toodeep.Thesearenotyourpeople.”~S.C.Lourie

Hi! I’m Wajiha Farhan. I’ve studied at Mama Parsi for the last eleven years, which have been nothing less than a rollercoaster ride for me, with highs and lows, forcing me to scream out loud. I’ve had my fair share of pain and suffering, but also happiness and laughter which could make me forget my deepest wounds for just a moment. But I can never forget how people’s actions and words cut deep inside, scarring my soul. I found myself excluded, with people passing snide remarks about how anybody could ever beat me in a race, or how weird I sounded with my English accent. I never had any real friends, until sixth grade. I was told to change myself to fit into the numerous molds created by numerous people. I was not taught that I was never the problem, it was the people who wouldn’t understand that everybody deserves to be able to be who they are without being judged or made to feel like they don’t belong. It sounds petty, I know. But I never had the chance to heal from everything, I just pushed myself along the path of life without even seeing how damaged I was, I never even considered that I could use a break. I felt so horrible that I was unable to appreciate the many good things I experienced – that is what pain does to you when you don’t heal from it. I grew up feeling that I had no value, I felt unloved and unwanted. I had to learn it all on my own so that I didn’t have to cut off parts of my personality just to fit into a mold. I was nervous for college, I feared that the past would repeat itself and I would be alone once again, but I’ve learned that there’s no point in doing that. Worrying means suffering twice. I think it’s just better to embrace whatever life throws at you and to let go of all the fear that’s holding you back from experiencing the different facets of life. Everything can fall apart and everything can go wrong, but what if it doesn’t? Starting AS feels like a fresh start. Along with leaving my old school, I have an opportunity to leave all the bitter memories behind and start anew. I’d like to advise other people to never, ever make the mistake of wearing a mask to hide their true selves. Over time, that mask becomes so unbreakable that we forget who we are beneath it. The mask becomes us.

~ Wajiha Farhan

Adeya Mujtaba

The start of something evokes a range of emotions within us. The fear of unknown lingers, because no matter how prepared you think you maybe when starting something new. You will be faced with situations that didn’t even once crossed your mind. Such situations provide us with the room to grow and put our intellectual thinking to test. Beginnings also ignite excitement for the new experiences, people, and memories that the next chapter of life holds. Another sensation emerges, whether as a headache, tense shoulders, or a feeling in the gut. I think you know what I’m leading you to, it’s our good’ol companion, ANXIETY. Now there may be a whole lot of emotions that are instilled within us during beginnings but what we should remind ourselves is that it’s okay to feel all these emotions, its natural and happens to the best of us. After all, things do always get better and eventually fall in place… right? That’s uncertainty taking over. Now for me starting AS brings all of these emotions, will it get better? Will things fall into place? Will I fit in? These questions often occupy my thoughts, and the only way to find out is to... see you soon, class of 2026!

I've always been wary of change because I do not know what to expect from the new phase I'll be confronting and if it's a positive or negative one, but I think that is a common fear among people.

Joining Cedar last year, I was quite excited about the new opportunities and exposure I was going to gain. Although, a little nervous about being in a new place. Now that I'm starting my second year here, I'm less petrified and more excited about further new experiences I would gain.

Of course, it will be different than last year because this time I'm a senior and I'm looking forward to that experience New beginnings are a bit nerve-wracking, sure, but I guess it's okay because you won't stay still on the beginner stage forever. Once you move on from that stage, you will see just how much there is for you to discover.

This summer, I stepped out of my comfort zone and participated in the Baghbaan Program by TCF where I was supposed to raise funds for lessprivileged children. In the beginning, I was extremely agitated about the new experience I had taken on because I didn't know what I was supposed to do for most of the start of the program. thanks to the unwavering support of my supervisor, I was able to raise funds for 1 child successfully. I was supposed to contact my friends and family and enlighten them about the program, and its goals, and convince them to donate. For me, this was the scary part due to many reasons but I overcame that eventually.

It was a fruitful adventure for sure, a bit scary at first and had many hiccups but in the end, it proved beneficial for my profile and I'm grateful that i participated in the program.

~ Humaira Ahmed Pai

Our minds are often drawn away with thoughts of endings Life's journey is unpredictable, leading us to fixate on conclusions rather than acknowledging the significance of fresh starts. Therefore, it’s ironic that we overshadow the importance of beginnings Or perhaps we are hesitant to confront the uncertainty of new beginnings while being drawn to the allure of a more promising ending?

But they say every beginning has its end, and every end is a new beginning. In all frankness, as I approach the start of my AS-level studies, I find myself caught in a whirlwind of emotions. It feels like I'm playing an intense game of ping-pong, with every beginning marking an end while also signaling a new start.

The prospect of entering A-Levels seemed overwhelming back in middle school, yet it also ignited a desire to strive for that level of education. Little did I know that the swift passage of time would turn this into my present reality like a flurry of air. It's the start of a new journey, presenting a new chance and an unfamiliar challenge It carries with it the hope of fulfilling expectations, the excitement of aspiring for more, and the nerve-wracking unknowns of what this novel experience may entail. It's a complex feeling, but the more I pondered about it, the more I realized that the complexity itself holds so much beauty.

I might feel a natural curiosity about how this journey will unfold and reach its conclusion. Despite the uncertainty, I have chosen to embrace and savor the unknown I feel like I'm sailing through uncharted waters with no end in sight, but I trust that they will eventually guide me to where I need to be. Somewhere It’s fun setting off without a known destination and letting your drive and fate carry you forward.

N E W S T A R T

IMAGE BY MIAN SHEHZER

B Y A M N A M I R Z A

Transitioning from O levels to A levels' is challenging and the competitive realm can be daunting. However, I remind myself that I've already come a long way, which is an accomplishment too This sentiment applies to anyone starting their AS levels or approaching their final year of A levels. It's surreal how time flies - one moment, you ' re in elementary school, and the next, you ' re delving into advanced studies, inching closer to university. The fleeting nature of time never fails to astonish me

The intricate nature of this challenge holds a unique allure for me

Despite its demanding nature, I am enticed by its countless opportunities to test my abilities and discover my true potential. Adapting to this new reality has guided me to let go of old habits and embrace new ways of thinking. It’s about being open to new perspectives and exploring my capabilities as much as possible In doing so, I’m not just surviving this transition but trying to evolve through it, becoming more curious and adaptable.

The way I see it, we often focus more on how things will end rather than on the beginning itself This realization makes me feel stuck in a never-ending maze of questions as time seems to slip away. We tend to forget that it's essential to live in the present and make the most of every moment A truly satisfying ending can only come from living each moment to the fullest, regardless of the challenges we face along the way And folks! That's how my thoughts and feelings clash and harmonize as I begin my adventure with AS.

As I embark on this new journey into AS Levels, I realize it is more than just an academic progression. It signifies a time of self-discovery and transformation for me, you, and everyone New beginnings aren't just about starting something different; they are about evolving into someone different As I take my first steps on this path, I am filled with anticipation, eager to discover where this journey will lead and how it will shape the person I am becoming. While I value the end result, I am determined to make the most of every experience along the way

Getting to the end is just as important as the destination itself I recently came across a thought-provoking dialogue: "The point is that you don't get so hung up on where you'd rather be that you forget how to make the most of where you are " As I reflect on these words, I hope that all of us can fully appreciate and cherish these new beginnings, making the most of this exciting journey that lies ahead

My present slips through my fingers like fine sand, passing almost too quickly It feels like only yesterday that I was grappling through my CAIES and motivating myself with the sweet fantasies of summer vacation. But its been months since that happened.

Summer vacation came and went and now A levels is on the verge of beginning. Despite how fleeting my present feels, and the sense that time flies away without me really doing anything, I know that someday this present will become my past

Someday, I'll look back on these moments - however brief they feel now - and they'll mean everything. I'll remember these days as the good old days, when life was simple and I could watch the clock tick away without much concern.

I know someday I'll look back on this present and remember myself as being happy As I count down the days until college starts, I hold onto hope. I hope the future is bright Even though half of this year has already passed, I hope what's left of it brings happy memories. I hope my A levels become a vivid, cherished chapter in my life.

Anoosha Hassan

OPPORTUNITY:ADOUBLE-

EEDGEDSWORD DGEDSWORD

To many the title may seem absurd since from the very beginning it has been instilled within us that opportunity is an additive in one ' s life, something that can only expand one ' s life. However, few realize that every time you say “YES” to an opportunity or activity, you essentially say “NO” to dozens of other activities and opportunities, due to time constraints and prioritization. “You can do anything but you can't do everything ” Let me be clear Opportunity does contain the promise and encouragement it is associated with Sadly what often goes unnoticed is the fact that opportunities are not strictly an additive with every opportunity comes an opportunity cost Yes it is entirely possible to be burdened by too much opportunity.

Many entrepreneurs try to expand too quickly or extend into new product or service lines, without fully developing their core business and competencies It is entirely possible to have too much of a good thing Water is needed to sustain life in fact, as many of you already know 60% of the human body is comprised of water. However, frequent intake of large amounts of water can overflow the cells of our body and can have fatal consequences. Too much of something good can eradicate the basis of the good thing. Pursuits of personal success demand time-consuming reflection and attention which can often only be accomplished alone diverging opportunities almost always demand physical separation If you need to ace your exams you need to spend more time in the library and less in the living room watching a movie If you want to become a better basketball player you need to spend more time on the court and less on the dining table See the connection? This is what we call the burden of opportunity. You can not take on an endeavor without sacrificing something else you love, sadly that's the law of the universe. There may just be some wisdom in the proverb “Everything in moderation.” all our lives we spend so much of our focus on avoiding the harmful things that we forge that even the beneficial things done excessively can be damaging

However, if you were to perform “everything in moderation,” you wouldn’t be anything more than average. Mediocre. Ordinary. To be extraordinary in anything, you must allocate more time, effort, and resources to that particular endeavor than you allocate to other endeavors. The more time and effort you put into something the closer you come to the status of “extraordinary” Starting A levels is a daunting phase in many people's lives and trying to balance studies and personal life with the vast amount of opportunities available in your college is overwhelming My recommendation? Try and strike a balance between “everything in moderation” and “be obsessed ” allocate an appropriate amount of time and effort into an endeavor but remain mindful as to how much time you invest into it Be purposeful dedicated and persistent and be particular in how your pursuit is impacting all other components of your life Remain clear on your mission, make goals, and work towards achieving them Say NO to all the opportunities and activities that do not end up helping you achieve your goals and move closer to accomplishing your mission in life In the end, don't forget that life is a storm, so set sail and move in the right direction and you will see the shores sooner than you think

~ Muhammad Umer Dad

Image by: Waniya Bhakhrani

NEW BEGINNINGS

Goodbyes hurt but the eagerness to find the answers to ‘what will happen now?’ , ‘it’s difficult’, overlays it all. The hurdles and obstacles will soon reach the shore leaving us with some memories to cherish. This adventure of starting something new is like watching waves Sometimes it soothes us whilst it scares us but with preparation in mindfulness we can endure it all. This new path awaits a rollercoaster of emotions but in the end it will reach the shore

~ Umaima Farhan

STARTING MY AS JOURNEY

EMBRACING NEW OPPORTUNITIES

As I start my AS journey, I imagine that this the second step in continuation with my scholarly interests and the beginning of an extraordinary stage in my life. Moving from GCSEs to AS is more than just an academic step; it's a chance to think more deeply about ideas. It's a call to rise to the occasion, push my own intellectual and personal boundaries, and shape a future with meaning and passion.

The anticipation of this fresh start is palpable. AS provides me with numerous opportunities to investigate topics that pique my interest and satisfy my thirst for knowledge. It's an opportunity to dive into complex themes that line up with my inclinations, moving past fundamental ideas to draw in with animating substance. I am ready to immerse myself in a rich learning experience that goes beyond academics and am eager for this intellectual adventure.

Not with-standing, this energy is tempered by the consciousness of the difficulties ahead. I have yet to fully understand the dedication, self-control, and perseverance required by AS. The obligation that accompanies these new assumptions is an update that the work I put in now will shape my future. I accept this humbling realization because I am aware that real growth comes from overcoming obstacles.

I am also taking advantage of the chance to rethink my identity—not just as a student but also as a thinker, a leader, and an individual by welcoming this fresh start. Similar to a chance to foster abilities like decisive reasoning, scientific thinking, powerful correspondence and key time usage. Skills that will prove helpful to me in the future. I can use these tools to confidently and gracefully face the challenges of life and academia.

Besides, AS brings me closer to accomplishing my dreams, AS proves to be a vital stage towards my goals. It is time to set the stage for the journey I want to create by aligning my academic goals with my future goals. Resilience, adaptability, and creativity essential qualities for achieving greatness can be learned and developed in any subject, assignment, or challenge. This new beginning has more significance than just academic and personal development. It's a chance for me to figure out who I am and what I want to accomplish. AS is a journey of self-discovery, that will shape my character, beliefs, and goals for the future—not just a means to an end for higher education or a career.

Beginning this journey fills me with a feeling of direction. Although I am aware that the path ahead will be difficult, I am prepared to tackle it with tenacity, perseverance and a dedication to excellence. I'm ready to take on the unknown, see every challenge as an opportunity to improve, and approach each day as a learning experience.

As of now, as I step into AS, I'm reminded that new open doors and potential outcomes depend on what lies ahead, on how I decide to align myself with the present.

I am ultimately in charge of this journey and I am determined to make it meaningful, influential and satisfying. AS isn't only a part in my academic journey; it is the preamble to the future I am focused on building — a future characterized by the quest for information, the drive for progress, and the persevering mission for greatness.

~Yashal Fakhar

18th birthdays are like 2:30 pm on a Wednesday afternoon in college. I’m so tired of everything; the day that has been too long, the week that just won't come to an end, life that I’ve completely given up on and yet I still have one class more to attend, out of obligation it feels just like the heart pumps blood, simply because that is the job, despite the tiredness that claws around the organ, begging it to give up. and yet the afternoon fatigue becomes a bit lighter with my friend's shoulder to lean on. 18th birthdays are like the days following the death of a loved one, when reality places its cold hand on your shoulder, reminding you of its presence just when you were about to go back to normality. 18th birthdays are the taste of July ending- bittersweet and sharp on your tongue, almost slicing through it. I sit with my hands folded and wonder why they haven’t stopped trembling since the past 3 and a half years, and I wonder what was it like before I tasted anxiety-ridden coffee beans or before my blood became too uncomfortable inside my body; and so 18th birthdays are like eulogies hanging onto the past. I think of all the things I could’ve been at 14 and yet all I became, was confused. and then I realize how 18 isn’t much different than being in 8th grade- it should be; people told me it was one of the two life checkpoints and still, I feel like a child new into teenage without any sign of coherence that once previously existed. I think of the smell of summer that tasted so cool in my mouth, now all that’s left of that feeling is the burn of the ice afterwards. I wonder if summers in the future will bring more pain.

~ Amnah Khan