BUST Issue 56 by debbie stoller

FOR WOMEN WITH SOMETHING TO GET OFF THEIR CHESTS

APRIL/MAY ’09

MUSIC NOW! LADY SOVEREIGN

BAT FOR LASHES FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS DIY BAILOUT economic recovery in 5 easy steps

Neil Gaiman Zesty Vodka Spring Rompers $4.99US $6.99CAN

71486 02925

lily allen up close and personal

FEATURES [APRIL/MAY ’09]

TOP LEFT: PHOTO BY GUY AROCH. SWIMWEAR BY MISS SIXTY, SKIRT BY PEPPER + PISTOL, GLOVES BY LACRASIA. BOTTOM LEFT: PHOTO BY DANIELLE ST. LAURENT. ON JEMAINE: SHIRT BY JEAN PAUL GAULTIER, JACKET BY GILDED AGE, PANTS FROM SCREAMING MIMI’S, SHOES BY DUCKIE BROWN. ON BRET: SHIRT BY BILLY REID, JACKET AND PANTS BY MOSCHINO, SHOES BY DUCKIE BROWN.

42 ALLEN INTELLIGENCE Chatting it up with Brit-pop darlin’ Lily Allen. By Leonie Cooper 50 BLEAKONOMICS This recessionista’s survival guide will help you break on through to the other side. By Jennifer Lee Johnson

54 PAGING DR. CONCHORD Flight of the Conchords’ Bret and Jemaine give love advice that’s twice as nice. By Debbie Stoller

58 OH, MOTHER! The crazy true story of how Mother’s Day came to be. By Katherine Jamieson

62 KHAN ARTIST Find out what’s going on with Bat for Lashes’ Natasha Khan. By Victoria Woodcock, photos by Guy Aroch

ON THE COVER: LILY ALLEN PHOTOGRAPHED IN LONDON BY PEROU FOR BUST. POLKA DOT DRESS BY LOUISE GRAY, SANDALS BY MARNI. STYLED BY ELLIE STIDOLPH FOR LUCY MANNING @ PATRICIA MCMAHON, MAKEUP BY GINA KANE, HAIR BY HAMILTON.

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CONTENTS

Regulars 6 Editor’s Letter 7 Dear BUST 11

Broadcast Free to be Charlyne Yi; before you have a heart attack, relieve that stress at Sarah’s Smash Shack; they broke the mold after they made Holley Mangold; and more. 12 She-bonics Courtney Love, Janeane Garofalo, Cate Blanchett, Eva Mendes, and Jennifer Aniston in conversation. By Whitney Dwire 16 Pop Quiz Our love’s true blue for Siouxsie Sioux! By Emily Rems 17 Boy du Jour Daydreamin’ about Neil Gaiman. By Corrie Pikul 18 Hot Dates It’s spring—get out and do something! By Libby Zay

Real Life Vodka you’ve infused is too good to refuse; ditch the dry cleaner for a method that’s greener; a disaster guide you’ll want to keep by your side; and more. 24 Old School Grandma Blegen’s Gingersnaps. By Alicia Blegen 25 Buy or DIY Wipe your chores away with cute tea towels for every day. By Debbie Stoller and Callie Watts

Looks Our sales assistant strikes a pose in her favorite clothes; style bloggers hit the street in super rompers; get glammed up in mineral makeup; and more. 32 Fashionista Jude Feller does it her way at Lily + Jae. By Lisa Butterworth 36 BUST Test Kitchen Our interns add some lip sheen to their routines, indulge in lime power in their showers, and give their hair some much-needed repair. 37 Page O’ Shit Trash, won’t pick it up, take them lights away. By Callie Watts

Sex Files All the cool rainbow warriors are recycling their vibrators; don’t get screwed by chemical lube; and more. 86 Ask Aunt Betty and Cousin Carlin When you need sex advice to get the job done, two heads are better than one. By Dr. Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross 88 One-Handed Read The Doctor Is In. By Jayne Falcon

Columns 14 Pop Tart She doesn’t want anything to do with it until you’re through with it. By Wendy McClure Museum of Femoribilia When girls played with makeup like Mom, did it cause them harm? By Lynn Peril 20 News From a Broad Breastfeeding isn’t a good look on Facebook. By Laura Krafft 28 Eat Me Leftovers you’ll want to savor. By Chef Rossi 30 Mother Superior The kids are all right, but not always polite. By Ayun Halliday 40 Around the World in 80 Girls Go with the ﬂow in Chicago! By Laura House 94 X Games Dance Your Cares Away. By Deb Amlen 15

The BUST Guide 71 Music Reviews; plus Lady Sovereign is back again. 79 Books Reviews; plus the new book that gained infamy in Germany. 83 Movies Blessed Is the Match that can grow an American Violet in Grey Gardens. 90 96

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BUSTshop The Last Laugh Tammy rules and boys drool on April Fools’. By Esther Pearl Watson

TOP: ILLUSTRATION BY SERGIO MEMBRILLAS. CENTER: PHOTO BY ALIYA NAUMOFF. BOTTOM: PHOTO BY AMANDA MARSALIS.

EDITOR’S LETTER

ISSUE 56, APR/MAY 2009

recessionista FOR WOMEN WITH SOMETHING TO GET OFF THEIR CHESTS

THESE DAYS, ALL anyone seems to be talking about is the recession. Here at BUST HQ, we’ve been brown-baggin’ it every day and making coffee in the office instead of going out for our usual latte run. We haven’t laid anyone off, thank Maude, but we’ve been tightening our seat belts, because we know it’s going to be a bumpy ride. Unfortunately, for some, the ride is already over. Week after week, we hear about a magazine folding or a small business failing, and it breaks our hearts. Even my little neighborhood in Brooklyn is changing by the day, as more and more restaurants, cafes, and boutiques are shutting their doors. Those spaces either stay vacant or are taken over by the chains, which can afford to have a few locations suffer as long as others continue to do well. But mom-andpop stores, and small businesses like BUST, need to be able to make it on our own, or we won’t be able to make it at all. And while the bankers, whose greed helped get us into this mess in the first place, continue to get bailed out, those of us who are trying to get by on an honest day’s work ain’t getting bailed out by no one. Over the past decade, we’ve seen hundreds of independent businesses start up and flourish, and it’s been exciting to watch. From record labels to crafters with home-based operations, they’ve promoted their products to you, our readers, and their ads have, in turn, helped support the magazine. But what’s going to happen to this indie economy in the coming years? Will these companies go the way of so many of the small shops in my nabe? I hope not. I, for one, am trying to be more selective about where I spend the few dollars I have to spare, in an effort to help bail out these BUST-y businesses. And you can, too. Please try to support the folks who advertise here, and, while you’re at it, buy yourself a subscription to BUST—not only will you save yourself money over buying BUST on the newsstand (almost $10), but you’ll also be providing us with the lifeline we need to be here when you need us. And we’ll try to help you in every way we can. Our article, “Bleakonomics,” will prepare you for whatever the economy brings, by showing you how to budget, put money aside for your future, and get yourself out of debt. It sounds painful, I know, but we all need to put on our big-girl panties and get with this sensible plan if we want to become recession-proof. But it’s not all bad news out there. Even though our economy’s in the crapper, there are still some fantastic musicians who are thriving, and we’ve brought you a few of our favorites. We’re so pleased to have Lily Allen on our cover. The brilliantly snarky pop star is back with a follow-up album to her multiplatinum release of a few years ago, and it’s full of the same girly pride, honesty, and attitude that made her debut such a hit around the globe. Bat for Lashes’ Natasha Khan is another bright star from across the pond who is featured in this issue, and who was photographed wearing fashions inspired by her own innovative sense of style. These two are joined by a third U.K. lassie—Lady Sovereign—who’s survived a few bumps in the road herself and has returned with her own label and a new album. Then there are those Kiwi cuties, Flight of the Conchords. Crushworthy times 10, they’ve just wrapped up a second season of their HBO series and are about to release their second album. They’re welcome to stimulate my economy any day. There’s lots more here to help keep your spirits up during a downturn, including our articles on the secret history of Mother’s Day, how to infuse your own vodka (can bathtub gin be far behind?), and how to whip up some old-school gingersnaps; plus, we have interviews with Neil Gaiman, Charlyne Yi, and much more. Times are gonna keep getting tougher, and we just need to keep supporting each other. So toss your berets in the air, ladies, ’cause we’re gonna make it after all. xoxo,

Debbie 006 / BUST // APR/MAY

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Debbie Stoller CREATIVE DIRECTOR + FASHION EDITOR Laurie Henzel MANAGING EDITOR Emily Rems JUNIOR DESIGNER Erin Wengrovius ASSOCIATE EDITOR Lisa Butterworth CUSTOMER SERVICE + CRAFTY LADY Callie Watts BOOKS EDITOR Priya Jain ASSOCIATE MUSIC EDITOR Sara Graham CONTRIBUTING EDITOR Molly Simms PUBLISHERS Laurie Henzel & Debbie Stoller ASSOCIATE PUBLISHER OF ADVERTISING + MARKETING Maggie Tâm Clark/Peony Media Ink. 212.675.1707 x106, ads@bust.com MARKETING, PROMOTIONS + SALES ASSISTANT Susan Juvet, 212.675.1707 x104, susan@bust.com BOOKKEEPER Amy Moore accounting@bust.com EDITORIAL INTERNS Courtney Almeida, Alison Carroll, Alison Thornsberry, Catherine Weisnewski MARKETING INTERNS Tukie Babumba, Bianca Casusol FOR SUBSCRIPTIONS Please email subscriptions@bust.com or call 866.220.6010 FOR BOOBTIQUE ORDERS Please email orders@bust.com

MEMBER OF THE MAGAZINE PUBLISHERS OF AMERICA

WWW.BUST.COM ©2009 BUST, Inc. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in any retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the permission of the publisher. The articles and advertising appearing within this publication reﬂect the opinions and attitudes of their respective authors and not necessarily those of the publisher or editors. Canada Post: Publications Mail Agreement #40612608 Canada returns to be sent to Bleuchip International, P.O. Box 25542, London, ON N6C 6B2

DEAR BUST

Krysten Ritter, Model Citizen I really loved your article about Krysten en Ritter (“Shop Girl,” Feb/Mar ’09). It’s refreshing to hear about someone n! who’s writing good scripts for women! As head blogger for an organization based on introducing legislation to require minimum BMIs for models [www.healthymodels.org], I was reallyy intrigued by the pilot she wrote, Model Camp, considering most things I hear about the industry are horrendous. Kathleen Richter, La Jolla, CA I’m 18 years old. I have spent those 18 years pawing through magazines full of unbelievably beautiful women who lower my self-esteem with each perfect, airbrushed photo. I want to be an actress, but I’ve always felt crazy for wanting that. I’m just this silly, chubby Mexican girl with a wild sense of humor—not Hollywood material. The other day I purchased BUST, and by chance (or was it fate?), the ﬁrst article I read was about Krysten Ritter. If there is someone like her who wants to provide something new for women in movies and television, then the least I can do is try to achieve my dream. So thank you, BUST, for revitalizing my lust to act and my belief that I might succeed. Kat Gonzalez, Las Vegas, NV

Cowgirl A-Go-Go Thanks so much for the excellent article on our foremothers, the cowgirls of the early West (“Home on the Range,” Feb/Mar ’09). It inspired me to take pride in my horsey heritage. As a longtime cowgirl (both in the rodeo realm and the everyday ranching sense), I appreciated reading a piece that meant so much to me in my favorite magazine. Yippie ki yo, Lindsey Pharr, Blacksburg, VA

Losing My Religion I’m writing in response to the Elisabeth Moss article (“Moss Appeal,” Feb/Mar ’09) in which she states, “there are a lot of misperceptions [about Scientology] out there, and I’m happy to give the truth

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CONTRIBUTORS about it.” Yet, everything that she says Scientology does for the artist and society is a lie. Until six months ago, I was a die-hard Scientologist. My family and I endured year after year of intense recruitment activities and believed we were part of an ethical, important group. Well, we were fucking idiots. Finally, we saw that they did not care about us but solely wanted our money, and when they couldn’t get it, they got mad. Scientology is not a church. It’s a moneymaking, human-rights-violating organization that is incredibly intelligent and covert. I am an artist, and the only misperception about Scientology is the one that Moss has—that it’s a “religion.” Jane McCartney, Pasadena, CA

I Wanna Safe-Sex You Up I always get a tickle out of your One-Handed Reads, but the characters so rarely practice safe sex. I’d love to read steamy stories where condoms are involved. BUST has a great opportunity to show women that you can have spontaneous hot sex and take care of yourself. Julia Watson, Vancouver, BC

Puppy Love When I sat down on a cold January night to read my newest issue of BUST, my two-month-old puppy, Chuck, decided to join me. I just had to share the picture with my favorite ladies, from my favorite magazine. Keep up the good work. Karen Derzic, Pittsburgh, PA

Big Fan in Japan Last April I decided to quit my job, say good-bye to my loving family, and move to Japan. It was quite possibly the most amazing and terrifying thing I’ve ever done. When packing for this trip, I realized the one thing I could not live without was BUST! So I subscribed internationally, and for the last year I’ve received every issue in Sakura-chi (a suburb of Tokyo). I couldn’t have predicted how comforting it would be to have BUST arrive at my door. Thank you for all the work that you do and for making my time here in Japan BUSTtastic! Natasha Rothwell, Sakura-chi, Japan

Get it off your chest! Send feedback to: Letters, BUST Magazine, P.O. Box 1016, Cooper Station, New York, NY 10276. Email: letters@bust.com. Include your name, city, state, and email address. Letters may be edited for length and clarity. 008 / BUST // APR/MAY

Leonie Cooper, who interviewed Lily Allen for our cover story, is a freelance music and lifestyle writer based in London. She’s been writing for NME since the age of 18 and also regularly contributes to The Guardian. If she’s not at the National Film Theatre watching Ava Gardner movies, she’s either cycling around the Stoke Newington ’hood or in the kitchen trying to perfect her veggie enchiladas. She wants to be Bobbie Gentry when she grows up and harbors dreams of one day moving to southern California’s Laurel Canyon to make an outlaw country record with Josh Homme and the ghost of Gram Parsons. Katherine Jamieson, who wrote “Oh Mother!,” is a graduate of the Nonfiction Writing Program at the University of Iowa. Her work has recently appeared in Narrative, Ode, Ms., and on Terrain.org. She writes with a kitten or two on her lap in Whately, MA, where she lives with her fiancé, Ben, and a venerable black lab mutt. Her family is originally from Clarksburg, WV, about 20 miles from Anna Jarvis’ hometown of Grafton, and she likes to imagine that some of her relatives attended the first Mother’s Day celebration a hundred years ago. Priscilla Polley, who styled Bat for Lashes’ Natasha Khan, was born in Portland, OR, at noon in the dark during a total solar eclipse. After starting her career in the music industry and traveling around the world as Lou Reed’s right-hand woman, she now spends her days working on her own creative projects which include fashion styling for publications such as WWD and Nylon, collecting antique wedding sheets for her art installations, and searching for New York’s tastiest vegetarian duck salad. She is also developing a collection of textiles in collaboration with contemporary artists that will be released on www.tenantofnewyork.com in late 2009. Mark Todd, who illustrated “Bleakonomics,” lives in southern California with his wife and fellow artist, Esther Pearl Watson, and their daughter, Lili, an avid artist herself. He has worked with clients such as MTV, Coca-Cola, Clearasil, Rolling Stone, The New York Times, Travel and Leisure, and Country Music Television. Todd also co-teaches with Watson at Art Center College of Design. Their book, Whatcha Mean, What’s A Zine?, about creating ’zines and mini-comics was published by Houghton Mifflin in 2006. His latest book, Bad Asses—104 pages featuring formidable pop culture legends—is now available from Blue Q.

NEWS+VIEWS

california girl MEET CHARLYNE YI, THE NEW FACE OF FUNNY

PHOTO BY AMANDA MARSALIS

TOWARDS THE BEGINNING of our phone interview, 33year-old actress and comedian Charlyne Yi interrupts a story she’s telling me about how there are lots of Hell’s Angels in her hometown of Fontana, CA, to stammer, “My heart just got really fast because I’m so nervous!” Of course it’s natural to get shy during interviews, but Yi will no doubt be an old pro at dealing with the spotlight before long. With a comic style that’s delightfully immature and Andy Kaufman–esque in its absurdity, Yi gives performances that are never meanspirited, instead finding the hilarious and goofy in the simplest moments—and it’s an endearing quality that’s getting her noticed. She first got big laughs with her breakout role in 2007’s Knocked Up as Jodi, the guffawing stoner chick who pals around with Seth Rogen’s band of lovable losers. And though it was the role that launched her career, she doubts she won the part because of a stellar audition. “I didn’t really read the description of her as a stoner. So in the audition, I said my lines really hammy and bad,” she confesses. “I’d never been high. I just kept thinking, ‘This is horrible, and I’m sweaty, and my armpits smell.’” Reflecting on her performance in the film, however, Yi recalls modestly, “I ended up saying something funny, and they ended up not firing me.” Clearly, selling herself isn’t Yi’s strong point. In fact, prior to becoming an actress, she had an ill-fated stint as a magic-tricks saleswoman at a mall kiosk. “I didn’t want kids to spend their life’s savings on these magic tricks,” she recalls, “so I would explain how they could make them at home.” Luckily for us, Yi eventually forged a more fruitful career in comedy. She followed up her film debut with two more small roles last year, in Cloverfield and Semi-Pro, now performs standup all over L.A., and has gained an even wider audience with her quirky YouTube videos, like one in which she somberly auditions for Saturday Night Live in her bedroom, or another featuring her walking up to strangers on the street and holding a microphone up to their mouths while grinning at them in silence. Yi’s also one half of the twee-pop band the Glass Beef and recently completed a documentary-style rom-com called Paper Heart with rumored boyfriend Michael Cera (though she won’t confirm or deny their romance) that will be released later this year. When asked to name her dream role, however, Yi doesn’t suggest another comedy. “I want to remake the action movie The Long Kiss Goodnight and play the Geena Davis part,” she says with deadpan sincerity. “That would be amazing.” [MOLLY SIMMS]

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broadcast

appetite for destruction

Take a crack at the smash shack

“TWELVE YEARS INTO our marriage, he woke up one day and walked out on me,” recalls 39-yearold Sarah Lavely of the breakup that spawned her unusual new business. Shortly after being dumped, Lavely says, she awoke one morning with a craving to enter a pristine room where she would be allowed to go buck wild, “all-out destroying stuff and getting some of the pain and

anger out of me.” The more she fantasized about such a place, the more she says she realized “other people must feel this way, too.” And it turns out she was right. Three years later, in August 2008, Sarah’s Smash Shack opened in downtown San Diego, CA, with Lavely and her longtime buddy Ed King at its helm, and the place has been helping enthusiastic customers vent their frustrations ever since. Here’s how it works: patrons either bring their own stuff to trash and pay by the item or select from a menu of breakables, like the Smash Shack House Special (10 glass plates, “the smashing staple,” for $35), with the option of taking a Sharpie to their purchases predemolition (take that, asshole boss!). Once the sacriﬁcial items have been chosen, customers connect their iPods to the house speakers to set the right mood before donning protective gear and going at it

in one of two designated Break Rooms. After the resulting carnage, “we clean up the mess,” Lavely says, “and donate the broken bits to artists and schools [for use in mosaics].” Safe behind Break Room walls, Shack customers strike out against myriad demons, celebrate achievements, or just chuck ceramic ashtrays for the fun of it. “At ﬁrst, women seemed a little nervous about coming in, but then word started spreading,” says Lavely of her clientele, which started out mostly male but has steadily grown to be about even between the genders. “Because there’s no judgment here, women feel safe getting wild and breaking shit up. They’re letting me know that constructive destruction is so much more of a relief than writing a scathing letter and throwing it away.” As patrons will attest, tackling pent-up emotion by hurling housewares is well worth the money, even in a dismal economy. In fact, business has been so brisk since the recession began that a second Shack is slated to open soon. Wanna visit the Shack yourself? Then check it out online, at www.smashshack.com. [KRISTEN ELDE]

OMG Rhoda! If you missed out on Rhoda—the awesome 1974 spin-off of Mary Tyler Moore starring Valerie Harper as a gal who moves home to New York to be with Mr. Right and Julie Kavner (aka Marge Simpson) as her depressive sister—you’re in luck. A 35th-anniversary DVD collection of season 1 is coming out in April, and it’s pure lady TV magic. Snag one for $39.99 at ShoutFactory.com.

she-bonics

OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES

[COMPILED BY WHITNEY DWIRE]

“This all-girl [band] fantasy I’ve “Being liberal is something to be very proud of. Over the last 30 years or so, the right wing of this country has managed to bastardize the word. They think it’s something to be feared because had my whole life…well, it’s not liberalism equals progress and social justice, and Republicans and conservatives hate progress going to happen. Like, there are and social justice. Liberal is not a dirty word.” Janeane Garofalo in Inked fucking riot grrrls banging on “I look at someone’s face and I see the work before I see the person. I personally don’t think look better when they do it; they just look different. You’re certainly not staving off the pots and pans and talking about people inevitable. And if you’re doing it out of fear, that fear’s still going to be seen through your eyes. their vaginas, and that’s all really The windows to your soul, they say.” Cate Blanchett on plastic surgery in Vanity Fair lovely, but the music blows. “My whole struggle as a teen was trying to accept myself. If I can make one girl, whether Latina, Asian, Indian, or whatever, more accepting of her body, that’s it. I’m happy.” You have to fucking sit in your she’s Eva Mendes in Latina room and practice. You have to “Look, I think all women at some level just want to rage against the machine. There are just too fucking learn how to play guitar.” many movies out there that don’t empower women—movies in which their only way of being Courtney Love in Heeb 012 / BUST // APR/MAY

happy is ﬁnding a man. And you know, that’s not my favorite theme.” Jennifer Aniston in GQ

PHOTO COURTESY OF TEAGUE HUNZIKER

HURLING BREAKABLES BY THE STACK IS BIG FUN AT SARAH’S SMASH SHACK

broadcast POP TART [BY WENDY MCCLURE]

how to avoid mad men, vampires, and gossip girls CONFESSIONS OF A POP-CULTURE PROCRASTINATOR I’VE BEEN SPENDING the past year not watching Mad Men. Before that, I was busy not watching Project Runway. Occasionally, I managed to fit in ignoring Lost, too, though once all my friends stopped talking about it, I was able to drop it from my schedule of

Maybe my TiVo ought to have suggested I take a chance on How I Met Your Mother instead of offering to record the next 43 episodes of The Simpsons in Spanish the way it always does. I could also blame Tyra Banks for cranking out yet another cycle of Top Model for me

I know I can always catch up on something after it’s caught on, but I’m convinced there’s only a limited time span in which you can join watercooler conversations with dignity. avoidance and move on to not reading Twilight or watching the movie. Sometimes, when it comes to the latest stuff, life really is like a box of chocolates, chocolates that everyone else has tried first. I’d rather hang back with my old candy stash of Gilmore Girls reruns, E! True Hollywood Stories about brat pack stars, and V.C. Andrews novels, swearing all the while that you’re the one who’s missing out. I’m probably kidding myself. But is it really all my fault when these shows and movies and books pass me by? 014 / BUST // APR/MAY

to watch. Just when I think I want to try something new, she’ll show up at the judging panel wearing massive shoulder pads and “smiling with her eyes,” and suddenly I can’t look away for four more months. Or maybe I have commitment issues, since more than once I’ve actually bought the book or the video of the must-not-miss thing and, er, still missed it. When I got season one of Lost on DVD, no fewer than three friends warned that I’d be compelled to watch all the episodes at once and blow a whole weekend. “You’ll totally

get sucked in,” they said. “Cancel all your plans. Stockpile food.” Jeez, I used to hear that exact same advice about dropping acid. I’d have to find time not just to watch Lost but to lose myself, too? Forget it. To this day, the DVD is still sealed in shrink-wrap. I bet it helps to get hooked on a pop phenomenon early—to be the first on your block—but it’s hard to get in on the ground floor, especially with TV shows. I never joined a sorority in college (due to a lack of enthusiasm and Benetton sweaters), but the beginning of each new TV season gives me a pretty good sense of what rush week must’ve been like—the stress, the excitement, the decisions. Will the show I pledge to follow turn out to be Gossip Girl, or will it fizzle like the 90210 remake? I know I can always catch up on something after it’s caught on, but I’m convinced there’s only a limited time span in which you can join water-cooler conversations with dignity. Once that window closes, my avoidance snowballs—the longer I wait to watch or read something, the more negligent I’ll feel if I actually do get around to it and find out that it’s good. It’s easier, I tell myself, to stay away altogether. What I’m doing isn’t actually staying away, though. Is it wrong that sometimes I read whole Wikipedia articles about the stuff I’m avoiding, or that sometimes I Google the names of characters, or that “sometimes” means “most of the time?” I suppose I feel like if I’m going to be a bitter nonparticipant, I should at least be well informed. After all, there might be a situation— cocktail party, game show, hostage crisis—where this knowledge would come in handy. “Ah, yes, the secret organization on the island is called the Dharma Initiative,” I’d answer confidently. And while fans can’t read anything that might give away the plots of their precious show or novel series, every spoiler I come across is like a little gift from the universe. Every shocking truth, be it a vampire baby, a secret tryst, or an evil conspiracy, is a truth that sets me free—free from this bizarre sense of obligation that accompanies so much of our entertainment these days. And now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to catch up on the 1999 season of Dawson’s Creek. ILLUSTRATION BY EMILY FLAKE

MUSEUM OF FEMORIBILIA [BY LYNN PERIL]

color me beautiful EVEN WHEN ADULTS FLIP THEIR LIDS, THERE’S NO STOPPING MAKEUP FOR KIDS

PHOTO BY SARAH ANNE WARD

THOUGH COSMETICS HAVE been around for millennia, in the U.S., makeup was not fully accepted for everyday use until the 1920s and ’30s. And while children no doubt played with Mommy’s rouge and lipstick, the idea of little girls wearing makeup was strictly taboo. Nevertheless, a few enterprising marketers tried to sell cosmetics for children, as evidenced by an outraged educator’s quote to The New York Times in 1925: “Do [parents] stop to think what results miniature lipsticks and vanity cases...may have on child minds?”»

broadcast It wasn’t until the 1950s, however, that toy cosmetics really took off. Dating from early in the decade, the Dolly’s Make-Up Kit (pictured on previous page) included everything a girl could want to get her favorite doll glammed up: powder puffs, miniature perfume bottles, compacts embossed with “powder” and “rouge,” a container of cotton, manicure implements, an atomizer, and lipstick, along with a tiny three-way-mirror vanity, all packed in a green faux-lizard carrying case. But a girl needed her imagination, too, because the cosmetics were strictly make-believe; the lipstick, for example, contained a piece of blue tubular plastic instead of creamy color. In 1953, Ideal’s Doll of Beauty came “equipped with a table, an eightpiece cosmetics kit, and a booklet of instructions,” and was “designed to teach little girls the essentials of beauty care.” And at least two com-

panies in the 1950s manufactured candy lipstick that worked like the real thing. “Just Lick the Delicious Candy and Paint Your Lips Red!” proclaimed the packaging for one. In addition to providing early gender-role training, beauty toys were an opportunity to instill brand loyalty in young consumers-to-be. Many, for example, featured miniaturized versions of real products. A special pajama-party overnight case might contain tiny packages of brand-name cold cream and tissues, or a toy home-permanent set might look just like Mom’s. It was a short hop from these toys to real makeup for little girls. At first, children’s cosmetic kits consisted of toiletries like bubble bath and hand lotion. One of the most successful brands, Tinkerbell, first appeared on the market in 1952 and stressed “good grooming” rather than making

little girls look more grown-up. Beginning in the mid-to-late 1970s, however, the same cosmetics that had once seemed too adult were being marketed to younger and younger girls. And that trend continued, until, according to a 2007 study, 55 percent of 6-to-9-year-old girls said they used lip gloss or lipstick. But do child-sized nail polishes, lipsticks, and blushes really have an effect on “child minds” like that teacher contended way back in the 1920s? And do play cosmetics sexualize little girls, or are they simply about children’s fun and fantasy? The debate is sure to rage on as long as companies continue to market makeup to kids, but by all accounts, these products are here to stay: according to the Encyclopedia of Children and Childhood in History and Society, as of the early 21st century, American consumers spent $10 billion a year on children’s cosmetics.

pop quiz WE’RE SO IN LOVE WITH SIOUXSIE SIOUX, WE DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO! [BY EMILY REMS] SPANNING THE GENRES of punk, gothic, new wave, and alternative with her haunting voice, British pop provocateur Siouxsie Sioux is one of the most inﬂuential women in rock. Churning out hits for the past 33 years, both with her iconic band, Siouxsie and the Banshees, and solo, she’s been covered by such big-name ladies as Shirley Manson, PJ Harvey, and Santigold, and her signature style is imitated nightly in punk clubs around the world. Think you’re a fan of the Sioux too? Then take the quiz! 3. What member of the Sex Pistols played drums for Siouxsie and the Banshees at their ﬁrst gig in 1976? a. Sid Vicious b. Johnny Rotten c. Steve Jones d. Paul Cook

7. When the Banshees broke up in 1996, Siouxsie moved on to front her side-project band _____ full time. a. the Creatures b. the Glove c. the Altered Images d. the Slits

4. When Siouxsie appeared on TV with the Sex Pistols in 1976, they caused a scandal when a Pistol called host Bill Grundy a “____” after he tried to ﬂirt with her. a. tosser b. cocksucker c. creepy old geezer d. dirty fucker

8. In 2007, 31 years after she launched her music career, Siouxsie ﬁnally put out a solo album called ____. a. Hong Kong Garden b. The Killing Jar c. Mantaray d. Superstition

5. Siouxsie was considered for the ﬁlm role of what Batman villainess? a. Poison Ivy b. Catwoman c. Roxy Rocket d. Lady Shiva

2. Before Siouxsie’s dad died of complications from alcoholism when she was 14, he had a job milking ____. a. cows b. snakes c. goats d. sheep

6. Which of her Banshees band mates was Siouxsie married to from 1991 to 2007? a. Steven Severin b. Robert Smith c. Budgie d. John McKay

9. Also in 2007, Siouxsie appeared in an ad campaign for what product? a. false eyelashes b. cofﬁns c. black nail polish d. rice cookers 10. Complete the following Siouxsie quote: “I’ve never particularly said I’m hetero or a lesbian. If I am attracted to men, they usually have more ______ qualities.” a. feminist b. sensitive c. ﬂamboyant d. feminine

DECCA LABEL GROUP

1. Born in Kent, England, in 1957, Siouxsie’s given name is ______. a. Christine Edge b. Kristy Wallace c. Cassandra Peterson d. Susan Janet Ballion

Answer Key: 1.d, 2.b, 3.a, 4.d, 5.b, 6.c, 7.a, 8.c, 9.a, 10.d 016 / BUST // APR/MAY

BOY DU JOUR

he’s a magic man FROM PAGE TO STAGE, NEIL GAIMAN’S CORALINE IS A GIRL-CULTURE GOLD MINE

I’M NERVOUSLY EXCITED about meeting Neil Gaiman at a Manhattan hotel bar, not only because the 48-year-old novelist, comic-book legend, and screenwriter is known for being tall, dark, and handsome, but also because when I say dark, I mean it in more ways than one. Regarded by many as the godfather of modern goth literature, he’s produced titles—ranging from the cultishly collected Sandman comics to the award-winning novel American Gods—that are required-reading for the black-eyeliner set. But it was the genre-hopping success of his best-selling 2002 children’s novella, Coraline, about a young girl’s adventures in a topsy-turvy fantasy world she enters through a secret door in her house, that brought Gaiman to a whole new level of notoriety. Considered so terrifying that his publishers initially wondered if it would be too unsettling for kids, Coraline has since been spun off into an animated ﬁlm (directed by Nightmare Before Christmas’ Henry Selick), a graphic novel, a video game, and now a quirky-cool offBroadway musical with tunes by fellow cult icon Stephin Merritt of the band the Magnetic Fields, set to open this May at MCC’s Lucille Lortel Theatre. Clearly, sinister is this man’s bread and butter. But while the imposing ﬁgure that suddenly materializes at my table in a swirl of signature black has the intense gaze and thick, tousled hair of a dark knight, Gaiman’s manner belies some of that Minnesota PHOTO BY ALIYA NAUMOFF

friendliness he’s picked up since moving there from England in 1992 (so that his three kids could grow up closer to his ex-wife’s American family). In a seductive British accent, Gaiman informs me that he isn’t really in New York to do publicity for Coraline, but instead to attend his friend’s daughter’s bat mitzvah. “So empowering for her,” he says of the event. Talk does turn to Coraline, however, and Gaiman is quick to reveal that its success isn’t his doing alone. It was his daughter Holly, now 23, who came up with the story when she was 4. “She used to climb onto my lap and dictate nightmarish stories,” he says, “in which girls were taken prisoner by evil witches disguised as their mothers.” While having this much grown-up attention paid to a story for and about alternative-minded little girls is a novelty these days, Coraline’s explosion in pop culture comes as no surprise to Gaiman’s lady readers. For the past two decades, he’s been writing consistently compelling female characters in the dude-centric world of comics and fantasy ﬁction, and for all those years, women have been lining up to thank him. But when I join those ranks, Gaiman humbly deﬂects my compliments. “I just write the stories I want to read, with women like the ones that I know,” he says. “The people who pass for females in traditional comics look like men with watermelons strapped to their chests, carrying big guns and posing like they’re in a porno magazine. I’ve never met any women like that, so I won’t put them in my books.” [CORRIE PIKUL] // BUST / 017

broadcast

hot dates THINGS TO SEE, PEOPLE TO DO April 10 – 12

THE SPORTS WORLD IS SOLD ON 19-YEAR-OLD HOLLEY MANGOLD WHEN NFL CENTER Nick Mangold joined the New York Jets in 2006, the media really started paying attention—to his little sister. Back home in Kettering, OH, 17-year-old Holley Mangold was already forging her own reputation, playing offense for the Archbishop Alter High football team, the first girl ever to do so in her division. But her physical achievements didn’t stop there. An imposing figure standing 5-foot-9 and weighing 310 pounds—she once escaped injury in a head-on auto accident by pushing the steering wheel away from her body until it crumpled—Mangold decided to give competitive weightlifting, shot put, and discus a try as well. And the rest, sports commentators say, is soon-to-be athletic history. Now 19, she’s a powerhouse who’s already set an Amateur Athletic Union women’s weightlifting record with a squat lift of 525 pounds and is currently attending Ursuline College in Ohio on a discus and shot put scholarship. When we meet, however, Mangold’s not at the gym. She’s holding court at a cookout with her friends. Wearing a stylish short skirt and black top, she’s got all the confidence and ease of that popular girl in school you both envied and feared. “I have to work harder to prove I can do simple tasks that would easily be accepted if I were a man,” she says of her continuing path in a dude’s world. “But I’m also naturally competitive, so I enjoy the challenge of proving my ability.” A football player since second grade, Mangold has been so tied to sports, I can’t imagine what she’d be doing if the athletics all came to an end. Clearly, neither can she. “I have no idea [what else I’d do]” she says, “because training and competing are my life.” But when I press her about her future in football, she’s casual, saying she’ll go back to it “when the NFL decides to offer me a spot.” She’s quick to add that she’s joking, but I’m not so sure. If anyone can do it, Holley Mangold can. [SUSAN FINCH]

What a way to make a living! Dolly Parton wrote the music and lyrics for a Broadway musical based on her gloriously girl-powered flick, 9 to 5, and now it’s finally fixin’ to open on April 7th at N.Y.C.’s Marriott Marquis Theatre! For tix and more, visit www.9to5themusical.com. 018 / BUST // APR/MAY

May 10

CODEPINK MOTHER’S DAY PROTEST This Mother’s Day, why not ditch those cards and flowers in exchange for some quality time picketing with Mom? Activist organization CODEPINK: Women for Peace is organizing rallies in Washington, D.C., and across the nation on the second Sunday in May to speak out against the Iraq War. So grab your favorite pink T-shirt and celebrate the true meaning of Mother’s Day, a holiday first started by a pacifist activist. To find a protest group near you, visit www.codepinkalert.org. May 17

BUST SPRING FLING CRAFTACULAR BUST’s famous spring DIY shopping bonanza is returning again to the Warsaw in Brooklyn, and this year will feature over 50 crafty vendors selling the best in handmade wares. Pick up some earrings or a hand-printed tote while indulging in pierogies and cocktails, then dance to the sounds of our rockin’ DJs on the dance ﬂoor, snag a goodie bag, and enter the rafﬂe for a chance to win a Singer Sewing and Quilting machine! Never has so much fun been had for only two bucks, so keep your eyes peeled for more info at www.bust.com. May 28 – 31

M.A.L.I. WOMEN’S FILM AND PERFORMANCE ART FESTIVAL Talented ladies feel right at home in the Lone Star State; for nine years, the Media Arts and Literary Institute has been putting on a festival in Austin aimed at embracing the work of female artists. M.A.L.I. “uses media and communication to reduce stereotypes, cultivate expression, and teach media literacy that produces and promotes cultural interaction in the arts,” and this year’s festival will showcase 28 ﬁlms, 30 performances, and a slew of workshops, parties, and dances, all showcasing and celebrating women. Browse www.blowinupaspot.com for info, previews, and more. [COMPILED BY LIBBY ZAY]

PHOTO COURTESY OF WWW.HOLLEYMANGOLD.NET

Holley living the dream on her high school football team

strong enough for a man

THE GREAT BOSTON BURLESQUE EXPOSITION AND VINTAGE FASHION FAIR This weekend of burlesque performances, classes, exhibits, shopping, and parties brought to you by a rowdy roster of professional peelers at the Hyatt Regency in Cambridge, MA, is sure to get your tassels twirling. A costume exhibit, art showcase, and sideshow-themed ball make the lineup even more seductive, so shimmy on over to www.burlesque-expo.com to learn more about this event that promises more than just a good show.

broadcast NEWS FROM A BROAD [BY LAURA KRAFFT] What’s even more disturbing is that, according to the study, “More girls than guys take part: 22 percent to 18 percent.” Are participating teens aware of the possibility that their image may end up on unintended monitors? Yes, and they’re OK with it. The study found that “almost two out of three teenagers in the survey described tech sex as both ‘flirty’ and ‘dangerous.’” So, in an age when the mothers of some of these girls have installed stripper poles in their family rec rooms, is this all really so surprising? Um, still, yes.

VITAMIN INEFFICIENCY Supplemental vitamins don’t prevent cancer in women

jugs get superpoked FACEBOOK REMOVES PICS OF WOMEN BREASTFEEDING RECENTLY, THE SOCIAL-NETWORKING megasite Facebook has taken it upon itself to remove certain photos from members’ pages, and unfortunately, they’re not the unflattering ones your junior-high classmates have tagged you in. Instead, they’re the ones of women breastfeeding.

no problem with breastfeeding. Rather, like with that pale-pink prom dress your mother made you exchange, it’s a nipple issue. Maybe they’re right, if you’re going to show photos of kids drinking on a social-networking site, they should be like the ones you see now, of teens slurping booze off each

“They’ve deemed women’s breasts obscene and dangerous for children, and it’s preposterous.” According to The New York Times, Facebook acted in keeping with a policy that “prohibits members from uploading any content deemed ‘obscene, pornographic, or sexually explicit.’” Not surprisingly, Stephanie Knapp Muir, an organizer of a group protesting the removals, finds the company’s policy unfair. “If they were removing all photos of any exposed chest—male or female—in any context, at least that would be fair, but they’re targeting women. They’ve deemed women’s breasts obscene and dangerous for children, and it’s preposterous.” Facebook disagrees, saying it has 020 / BUST // APR/MAY

other’s rear ends during spring break.

KEEP YOUR PANTS ON! Twenty percent of teens pose nude on Internet—mostly girls And speaking of naked bodies, a recent survey by the youth research firm TRU states, “20 percent of teenagers have sent nude or seminude pictures of themselves over the Internet, while 33 percent have received such photos or videos via email, instant message, or webcam.” Apparently, the days of getting your thrills from cutting out the Land O’ Lakes lady’s knees and making them her boobs are gone.

We all know how hard it can be to take supplemental vitamins: if the smell doesn’t get you, trying to force the enormous pill down your throat might. Well, for women who are taking vitamins to try to prevent cancer, recent findings may give you a get-out-ofgagging-free card. In a study published by the Journal of the National Cancer Institute, 8,171 women were randomly assigned combinations of supplements over a 9-year period. The findings? According to The Washington Post, “Researchers didn’t find any ‘statistically significant’ evidence that the supplements either helped or hurt a woman’s risk of developing cancer.” This goes against what researchers had previously believed, that taking antioxidants could help reduce damage to women’s cells. One theory as to why they aren’t helping “is that they might be effective in women who are poorly nourished, but not in the well-nourished women in the study,” says study author Jennifer Lin. She goes on to say, though, that the same may not hold true for men, noting, “One trial study has suggested that men were more likely to gain benefits from supplementation with antioxidants in reducing cancer risk.” So the bottom line is, keep eating your fruits and vegetables. Aside from reducing your cancer risk, your reward is that you won’t have to choke down a huge vitamin pill. ILLUSTRATION BY WESLEY ALLSBROOK

CRAFTS+COOKING+HOME+HEALTH

infusions of grandeur ADDING FRESH FLAVORS TO VODKA MAKES FOR DIVINE DIY COCKTAILS WHETHER IT’S BEEN a long day at work or a short day on vacation, if you ask me, happy hour never comes soon enough. Which is why I love mixing up delectable libations at home, without wasting time or money at a bar. Fortunately, I’ve discovered how easy it is to make infused vodka, and it’s definitely worth the wait. »

PHOTO BY SARA ANNE WARD

real life When it comes to infusing, the ﬂavor possibilities are endless— you can use anything from fruit to herbs to nuts. The result is a full-ﬂavored vodka you can use to make cocktails or enjoy on the rocks. It’s a supersimple way to create your very own fancy concoctions without going broke. Cheers to that!

Materials Flavor base, such as lemons, limes, oranges, berries, ginger, mint, basil, lemongrass, vanilla beans, cucumbers, chili peppers, or peanuts 1 750 ml. bottle good-quality vodka 1 large glass jar—a container with a spigot at the bottom (available at www.infusionjars.com) is ideal, but a regular canning jar works well too

Instructions 1. Thoroughly wash your fruit, vegetables, or herbs. Freshness is important for taste, so don’t use frozen or dried ingredients. 2. Citrus fruit, melons, cucumbers, and strawberries should be sliced to expose the flesh, while other berries (such as blueberries or raspberries) and herbs can be left whole. Peanuts should be shelled and unsalted. 3. Place enough infusion ingredients in the jar to fill it about half way, and cover with vodka to the top of the jar. 4. Tighten the lid and place the jar in a cool, dark place, like a pantry or cupboard. Strong flavors like citrus can infuse in as little as three days, while subtler flavors, like cucumber, can take

up to two weeks. It doesn’t hurt to do taste tests every now and then to see how the ﬂavor is developing. 5. Once you’ve arrived at your desired ﬂavor (whether that’s just a light hint of your infusion base or the deeper taste of a longer steeping period), it’s time to strain the vodka. Line a mesh strainer with cheesecloth, place it over a large bowl, and pour your infusion through. 6. Discard the solids (or eat them up) and pour vodka back into D the glass jar. 7. Store your infused vodka in the freezer or whip up a tasty cocktail like the one below!

Drink Up OH, HONEY! Use your new skill to make this light and refreshing drink that has a hint of sweetness. In a cocktail shaker, combine 1.5 oz. of mandarin orange–infused vodka, .5 oz. of fresh-squeezed juice from a mandarin orange (about 1⁄2 an orange), and .5 oz. of honey syrup. (To make syrup: heat 1 part water over low heat for about 1 minute, turn burner off and add an equal amount of honey, stir until smooth.) Add a handful of ice and swirl for about 15 seconds. Pour into an old-fashioned glass, and top off with 1.5 oz. of club soda. Stir to combine, and garnish with a slice of orange. Makes one cocktail. [KELLY CARÁMBULA] Read more about Kelly’s adventures in food and drink at www.eatmakeread.com.

wash this way DRY CLEANING SUCKS—it costs a fortune, and the process is chock-full of chemicals. But luckily, it turns out that most of those “dry clean only” pieces—including wool, cashmere, linen, and fine cotton—are perfectly hand-washable. Silk and rayon are especially fussy, so those are still better off left to the professionals, unfortch. But for the majority of your dirty laundry, using just a little soap and water can help you save cash and the planet, not to mention the life of your clothes. That's because handwashing is far easier on fabric than dry cleaning, so those delicates will stay lovely for longer, and your cashmeres will be softer than ever. To wash, fill a deep basin (your kitchen sink is perfect) with lukewarm water and add a tablespoon or two of a mild liquid soap, like vegetable oil–based castile soap; detergents are too harsh. Give the water a good swish, add a couple of like-colored pieces at a time, and swirl them for three to five minutes. Be gentle; agitation is what causes fibers like wool to shrink. Empty your basin and refill it with cool water to swish the suds out. After rinsing, fold each piece and gently squeeze the water out—wringing is a no-no. Then lay them flat on dry towels and roll them up, pressing out excess water. Transfer your pieces to a drying rack, or, if you can keep your cat from nesting in them, simply lay them on a towel on the floor. Wool and fine knits need to dry flat—be sure to shape them first so that they retain their prewash size. If your clothes have any stains, spot-treat them before you wash. A little dab of fully concentrated soap applied directly on the stain and left to sit for 10 – 20 minutes usually does the trick, but for really obstinate coffee or tea stains, use a paste of cream of tartar with a little water. For ink or tomato sauce, soak the spot in vinegar or lemon juice for about an hour before washing. [EMILY HORTON] 022 / BUST //APR/MAY

M. SCOTT MILLER

USE YOUR HANDS TO GIVE DRY CLEANING THE FINGER

in case of emergency A GIRLS’ GUIDE TO SAVING YOUR ASS IN A DISASTER

ILLUSTRATION BY SERGIO MEMBRILLAS

QUICK: A NASTY Category 2 hurricane has knocked out power and cell towers for your entire city, and electricity won’t be restored for at least 72 hours. Faced with no phone, Internet, or open grocery stores, you: a) curl up in a ball with your dying iPod and wait for FEMA to come to the rescue, b) light candle nubs, work your way through the contents of your refrigerator, and pray that the mayo doesn’t get warm enough to spawn salmonella, c) break into your stash of protein bars, water, and extra ﬂashlight batteries, then implement the action plan you decided on at the last neighborhood potluck. If you answered C, you’re way in the minority. According to a recent survey by AxcessPoints, a disaster-readiness Web site, only 22 percent of women consider themselves well prepared for a catastrophe, and just 19 percent have an emergency plan should an earthquake, ﬂood, hurricane, blackout, nuclear meltdown, tornado, or terrorist attack wipe out communications and comforts. Considering all the ways shit can hit the fan in our technology-dependent lives, isn’t it time the rest of us joined them? Heeding the following advice will help you keep your head when you need it most, because contrary to what your grandma may have told you, getting caught

wearing holey underpants is not the worst thing that can happen in an emergency. To familiarize yourself with the possible freak weather and industrial risks in your area, get to know the “disaster information” tab on FEMA.gov while the lights are still on. Where you live will determine the natural disasters you’re more likely to encounter, but these basic steps can be followed to prep yourself for all kinds of trouble. If you’re fortunate enough to have advance notice of impending doom, don’t be lazy: heed evacuation updates from authorities via radio and television—you can even sign up with local media outlets for text updates. When cutting out, first gather up birth certificates, Social Security cards, and other important personal papers as well as any meds; then go for photo albums and other sentimentals. Know alternate routes out of your city, and make plans for accommodations. Don’t forget your pets: animal-friendly hotels get booked quickly, so have a list of them on hand. The roads will be choked, so fill your tank before leaving town and grab a jug of antifreeze— cars easily overheat on slow highway crawls. Should disaster strike without warning, deciding now where to meet up with friends, family members, roomies, or neighbors can minimize chaos. Check with your city government to find out which » // BUST / 023

real life schools and public buildings are designated relief sites and choose one that’s centrally located. Use the buddy system and pair up elderly or disabled folks with someone who will make sure they’re safe. According to Elaine Enarson, professor of applied disaster and emergency studies, emergency preparedness is “all about building connections.” Violence against women rises dramatically after disasters, and there’s safety in numbers, especially for the young and elderly. “The biggest lesson we learned after Hurricane Katrina is that no one may be coming to the rescue,” says Enarson. “Being able to come together and share resources with people you trust is vital.” Having your own stash at the ready ﬁlled with items that will help you survive being stuck at home for three days without power and running water will put you at a major advantage. It may seem like an intimidating undertaking, but we’re not talking about stocking a bomb shelter for Armageddon. A basic emergency survival kit should contain provisions for each

member of your household for three days. Ready-made kits are available online, and you can inexpensively compile a DIY version in a plastic tub (see sidebar). Mina Arnao, owner of MorePrepared.com, an L.A.-based disasterpreparedness supply company, stresses that even if there are already emergency supplies on site, ladies should make sure exclusively female necessities like tampons are included. “After talking with New Yorkers after 9/11, I’ve also begun suggesting that women keep a decent pair of walking shoes in their kit. If you end up having to walk many miles, you don’t want to be in high heels.” When something hellish hits home, emergency services have their hands full, and investing a little time now means sending relief workers on to those in greater need—and even being in the position to help others. It might be every woman for herself, and if that freaks you out, remember another one of Grandma’s favorites: preparation is the best antidote to fear. [JESSICA LEIGH LEBOS]

Get Your Kit Together Water 1 gallon per person per day for 3 days Nonperishable foods like nuts, dried fruit, protein bars, canned goods (don’t forget a can opener!), pet food Pocket knife/multitool Waterproof matches and lighters Flashlight and extra batteries Heavy gloves for removing debris Solar or crank-powered radio Thermal blankets Ziploc bags to keep things dry in case of a ﬂood Toilet paper Bucket useful for hauling, and doubles as an ersatz toilet First-aid kit Prepaid calling card or extra cell-phone battery Condoms or extra birth control Just because there’s danger outside, doesn’t mean you should take risks between the sheets Three days’ supply of prescription meds Tampons/pads Whistle Pepper spray for defense Chocolate A little treat can provide a lot of comfort

health inspector Each one of Shannon Gerard’s handmade Boobs and Dinks Early Detection Kits comes with a crocheted breast or penis and a booklet with self-exam instructions, so you can get the jump on any lumps ($25, shannongerard.etsy.com).

OLD SCHOOL

grandma blegen’s gingersnaps I COME FROM a long line of crafty Norwegian women in rural Wisconsin. This old family recipe connects me with cold winters, warm memories, and the DIY resourcefulness and aesthetic of my grandmother from whom I inherited it. The mother of five sons, Grandma Blegen embraced girly things by being an Avon lady (to get over her shyness), sewing aprons and dishtowels (often to sell), and making sweet treats (to give away to neighbors and customers). A natural baker, she never kept track of oven temperature or baking time, so the ones below I learned from trial and error. My grandmother was as well known for her ribald sense of humor as she was for her gingersnaps, and she’s still remembered for her jokes and gag gifts—this magazine’s title would have made her giggle. Though I never baked these cookies with Grandma Blegen, every time I make them, I’m reminded of her: the spicy smell of her skin, the way she softened when we hugged her, and the mischievous glint—like glistening sugar—in her smiling eyes. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a large bowl, with a mixer or wooden spoon, mix 3⁄4 cup bacon grease or shortening, 1 cup sugar, and 1⁄4 cup molasses. Add 1 egg. In a medium bowl, mix 2 cups all-purpose flour, 1⁄4 tsp. salt, 2 tsp. baking soda, 1⁄2 tsp. ground cinnamon, 1⁄4 tsp. ground ginger, and 1⁄8 tsp. ground cloves (for a spicier cookie, increase to 1 tsp. cinnamon, 11⁄2 tsp. ginger, and 1⁄2 tsp. cloves). Mix the dry ingredients into the wet until combined. Roll dough into 1" balls then dip and roll in sugar. Bake on cookie sheet for 7 – 9 minutes, until flattened and crackly on top. [ALICIA BLEGEN] 024 / BUST // APR/MAY

BUY OR DIY

day by day FOLLOW THESE DIY TEA TOWELS FOR THE BEST WEEK EVER

ILLUSTRATIONS: JULIA STAITE

YOU’VE SEEN THEM at every ﬂea market you’ve ever visited—vintage cotton dishtowels, lovingly embroidered with a kitten doing the laundry or a Dutch girl sewing, and there is usually one for each day of the week. But it may come as a surprise to you that not only were you supposed to change your dishtowels as often as you change your underwear, but women were also expected to follow their schedule of household chores, which was exactly the same on every Days of the Week dishtowel set: Monday: washing; Tuesday: ironing; Wednesday: mending; Thursday: marketing; Friday: cleaning; Saturday: baking; Sunday: rest. For over a hundred years, this routine was followed by millions of women, ensuring they’d complete each important task every week without really having to think about it. The schedule worked so well because of the reasoning behind it. Washing, which was once an exhausting job requiring a lot of physical labor, was to be done on Monday, when you were energized after a day of rest. Having ironed the laundry on Tuesday, you’d know which items needed mending on Wednesday. Grocery shopping on Thursday and cleaning on Friday meant you’d have a spotless house full of food for the weekend. Baking is a chore that’s kinda fun and makes the house smell good, so why not do it on Saturday when the whole family is home? Sunday, of course, was reserved for rest. »

PHOTO BY SARAH ANNE WARD

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real life

BUY OR DIY

For modern gals, however, most of whom work outside the home, a contemporary set of Days of the Week towels would say the same thing nearly every day: work. What we ladies have trouble scheduling is time for ourselves, our friends, and our families. That’s why we came up with this Nights of the Week towel set, illustrated by Julia Staite, to help you out: Monday for TV, Tuesday for takeout, Wednesday is ladies’ night (such as a Stitch ’n Bitch), Thursday is yoga (or any exercise) night, Friday is party night, Saturday is date night, and Sunday is for having a stay-at-home potluck. And since we know you busy gals might not have the time to embroider seven towels, these are done with fabric paint.

i’d like to buy a towel, please HAVE A NEW ONE BY YOUR SINK EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK [BY CALLIE WATTS]

The English Breakfast Club Clean up your counter with a screen-printed towel— if you can’t stand it neat, get out of the kitchen ($16 each, mrps.etsy.com).

Bear Necessities Hand-embroidered from vintage patterns, these Days of the Week towels will keep your chores on track if you want to kick it old-school ($25 for set of 7, lindacollinsrn.etsy.com).

Materials 7 ﬂour-sack towels; 1 iron-on transfer pencil or pen; Aunt Martha’s Ball Point Paint (or other fabric paint) in purple, rose, teal, cherry, chartreuse, dark yellow, pine, and rust; Aunt Martha’s Tracing Pad or other tracing paper or vellum; iron; Aunt Martha’s 10" metal paint hoop with blotter or a 10" embroidery hoop and paper towels.

Download all 7 designs at www.bust.com/Info/Downloads. html, and print each one out at 150 percent. Lay the printout underneath tracing paper or vellum, and lightly trace over all lines (you want them as ﬁne as possible) with your iron-on transfer pencil or pen. Place the transfer with your pencil lines facing down on top of the tea towel where you’d like the design, and pin in place. Heat your iron to cotton setting, then press down on your transfer, shifting your iron back and forth. Refer to the instructions for your transfer pen or pencil for how long to keep ironing. If you’ve got Aunt Martha’s paint hoop with blotter, place the blotter over the metal base hoop ﬁrst, lay the tea towel on top, and hold the towel in place, taut, with the hoop. If you have a standard embroidery hoop, you’ll be using it in exactly the opposite way you’re used to. Place the tea towel face down over the smaller hoop, cover with a layer or two of paper towel, and hold both pieces taut with the larger hoop. Flip the hoop over, and place on a sturdy work surface. After practicing on scrap fabric, carefully paint over each line of the transferred design. [DEBBIE STOLLER] 026 / BUST // APR/MAY

Awesome Blossoms

Big Girls Hand-Dry

Turn your abode into a bed of roses with the retro ﬂoral feel of Moda Home’s Swell Towels ($20.99 for set of 4, www.homealamode.com).

Keep your house tidy and eco-friendly by using cute cloth towels for splatters and spills ($9.99 each, www.blueq.com).

PHOTOS BY CHRISTINE BLACKBURNE, DRAWINGS LEFT: JULIA STAITE

Instructions

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real life

EAT ME [BY CHEF ROSSI]

Take your steak to new bites

twice as nice GIVE YOUR LEFTOVERS NEW LIFE

I’M THE QUEEN of leftovers, so my brain is always whizzing with ways to turn extra supper into something special. Waste not want not, right? Especially in today’s economy. But no one likes to eat the same thing two nights in a row. Here are some simple recipes that will help you turn today’s dinner leftovers into tomorrow’s whole new meal.

Today’s Hamburger/Tomorrow’s Sloppy Joes Burgers (beef or veggie) make for an easy din-din, but what to do with those uneaten patties? Sloppy Joes! Sauté 1 large chopped onion in a couple of good drizzles of olive oil. Crumble 3 or 4 leftover burgers, and throw them in the pan when your onion starts to brown. Add a plop of minced garlic, a couple of drizzles of Worcestershire sauce, a coffee cup of tomato sauce, a drizzle of balsamic vinegar, 1⁄2 coffee cup of ketchup, and salt and pepper to taste. Simmer for 10 minutes, and serve hot inside hamburger buns.

Today’s Grilled Chicken/ Tomorrow’s Chicken Enchiladas Give leftover chicken a Mexican makeover. Pour a little olive oil into a skillet and bring to medium hot, then warm a corn tortilla a second or two per side for each enchilada you plan on mak028 / BUST // APR/MAY

ing. On every tortilla, plop a heaping handful of chopped chicken, a handful of grated cheddar, Monterey jack, or jalapeno jack cheese, a plop of chopped onion, and a pinch of oregano. Roll them up and place in a baking pan. Make an enchilada sauce by sautéing 1 diced onion, 1 diced bell pepper, and a plop of minced garlic in olive oil. Add an 8 oz. can of tomato sauce, a pinch each of oregano, cumin, and chili powder, salt and pepper to taste, and a dash or two of hot sauce. Simmer for 20 minutes, then pour over enchiladas. Top them with cheese, and bake at 350 degrees till the cheese inside melts.

Today’s Steak or Tofu/ Tomorrow’s Steak or Tofu Salad I love a huge hunk of meat, but day-old steak is not a tasty treat. Unless it’s in a savory salad! In a big mixing bowl, drop a heaping pile of your fave salad greens, 1 diced red onion, 1 sliced cucumber, 2 sliced tomatoes, and 2 coffee cups of diced steak, or for the veggie version, any kind of leftover tofu. To make the dressing, mix 2 shots of olive oil with about half as much red wine vinegar, a plop of Dijon mustard, a drizzle of Worcestershire sauce, a plop of honey, a drizzle of soy sauce, and salt and pepper to taste. PHOTO BY SARAH ANNE WARD

real life MOTHER SUPERIOR [BY AYUN HALLIDAY]

hello, operator BAD MANNERS ON THE PHONE MAKE MOM GROAN GREG AND I have developed a semipsy- to perform some trick with the cat. “Evchic phone sense. The lack of privacy in erybody sit down!” Admiral Bitchmother our compact apartment makes it easy for commands, as her ship lists toward the whichever one of us who didn’t pick up to inevitable iceberg. guess the caller’s identity from the vocal and “Come on. Two minutes,” Greg persists. behavioral patterns of the one who did. For “No,” I say, sticking to my guns. “Why?” instance, Greg has this polite but slightly My increasingly irritating husband retorts. strained way of saying, “How are you?” “Because! We’re eating!” Greg screws when it’s my mother ringing from Indiana. his lips halfway to his nostrils, dismissing Or say the caller is the mom of one of the my bourgeois regard for etiquette with kids’ friends wanting to set up a play date. a showily ﬂicked wrist. Yanking my chain We may have known her for half Milo’s life, amuses him almost as much as talking but her name still eludes him, and her kid’s to Bosker. “It’s rude,” I stress, goggling identity comes into focus only when said kid meaningfully at the little pitchers. is a foot away from him, doing something really good or really bad. His queasily companionable chuckles are meant to mask his near utter lack of recognition, from her if not from me. He doesn’t laugh this way chatting with Bosker, the family friend whose urge to Ruefully, Greg picks up his fork. converse is uncannily synched to the mo- “Bosker,” he snifﬂes, as if he’ll never get ment dinner is served, variable as that mo- the chance to speak to him again. The ment may be. My feeling is the machine kids shriek with glee. It’s an old routine, should pick up when food’s on the table. but they still get a bang from it. Phone + “Come on, it’s Bosker!” Greg protests, Lack of Manners = Funny. yearning toward the cordless temptaPerhaps it’s a precedent worth recontion. “He can leave a message,” I grum- sidering. Inky answered the phone last ble, digging into my dinner. “I’ll get it!” night, listened for a few seconds, then holshouts Inky, who springs from her place, lered. “Daddy! It’s for you. Dick Strayhorn… inspiring her brother to hop off his chair whoever that is!”

“Inky!!!” we screamed from opposite ends of the apartment, charging toward the middle room, where our 11-year-old daughter stood like the unrepentant maid in some screwball comedy, hand on hip, phone held at arm’s length to emphasize how unimpressed she was with the big shot on the other end. For the record, Dick Strayhorn is my playwright husband’s agent, but what if he had been, I don’t know, Harvey Weinstein or somebody? Bratty Kid + Touchy Fat Cat Accustomed to Kowtowing Lackeys = Deal Breaker. “You’re not done here, Miss!” I hissed as Greg, after a brief but intense verbal corrective, relieved the girl of the receiver. The faraway howls of the childless, oldschool agent remained audible as Greg stalked to the living room. Clearly, his perspective was that of someone who’s sat through half a century’s worth of dismal Off-Broadway plays, praying for comic relief. “Let me tell you who Dick Strayhorn is. He’s Daddy’s agent. Which makes this a business call. Do you know what that means?” Her nod was a touch resentful so I continued. “It means we don’t try to be cute by shouting obnoxious things. Unless the caller is someone you’re permitted to make fun of, like Bosker or Uncle Stephen, you will speak politely. Or you will no longer be allowed to answer the phone.” She scowled and nodded again, both of us aware that this was the sort of conversation one has with a much younger child. By ﬁve, I’d been trained to say, “Halliday residence, Ayun speaking.” Of course, my mother placed a high premium on prissi-

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ness. I couldn’t have been more than six when I rebelled. The second I gleaned that the caller was the little girl across the street, I jettisoned my ﬁne manners to snap, “What do you want?” unaware that my father was but six feet away, appalled and inappropriately amused. His ultimate punishment lay in refusing to let the anecdote die, though I do hope he’ll refrain from sharing it with Inky until such time as her phone conduct is no longer my affair.

AYUN HALLIDAY

The kids shriek with glee. It’s an old routine, but they still get a bang from it. Phone + Lack of Manners = Funny.

FASHION+BOOTY

susan juvet SALES ASSISTANT & FREE DANGER ’ZINE CO-FOUNDER How would you describe your style? It’s almost like my wardrobe has multiple personalities. I have a set of clothes I wear during the daytime and then stuff that I wear after 7 p.m., and they don’t usually cross over. What’s the main difference? The later stuff is a lot louder. So your daytime aesthetic is a little more… Proper. I get a lot of inspiration from Mad Men, and I like a schoolgirl look, too—white shirts and black jumpers or skirts. Is this a day or night outﬁt? This crosses over, because sometimes I’ll wear the top as a dress at night, or sometimes I’ll wear it with pants to work. I bought it for under $20 off of eBay. I love the blouse, because it’s not hard to wear and it’s supercomfortable. I think it might be pajamas, actually, from the ’70s. And I really like animal prints, leopard in particular. Tell me about your necklaces. I only like to wear long pendants. The heart one I got in Montreal at a little independent boutique. It was like $30. A friend of mine lent the horse necklace to me, and I never gave it back. The other necklace is an old opium holder from India. I got it from the Hand of Fatima at the BUST Holiday Craftacular. It was $40. And your tights? I always wear black tights, day and night. The best places to get them are H&M and Urban Outﬁtters; they always have good deals on tights. You mentioned Mad Men. Where else do you get your inspiration? A lot of old movies. I have this habit of developing a girl crush on a character—lately it’s been Joan [on Mad Men]. I get really obsessed and adjust my wardrobe to emulate them and hope that nobody actually notices that that’s what I’m doing, and just thinks that I have awesome style. [laughs] [LISA BUTTERWORTH]

PHOTO BY ELIZABETH PERRIN

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FASHIONISTA

Designs by Jude Feller are totally stellar

hey, jude GIRLS CAN PLAY ALL DAY IN LILY + JAE “DIVE IN HEADFIRST or don’t even bother,” says 30-year-old Jude Feller, laughing. The Canadian-based designer is talking about the attitude with which she started her label, Lily + Jae, in 2007. “I decided, ‘OK, I’m going to do this little line of clothing,’ not really knowing what I was getting myself into.” And we’re probably lucky she didn’t know. If Feller had stopped to think about the trials and tribulations of running an independent label—especially in Vancouver, BC, where fashion is more sporty than stylish and resources are scarce—we might not have the opportunity to rock her perfectly flirty-yet-functional pieces. “I call it the romantic rebel,” Feller says, describing the look of her fifth collection, which features colorful floral dresses, solid rompers, and patterned raincoats, so even inclement weather can’t put a damper on your look. “I have a steady concept that Lily + Jae is half tomboy, half girly,” she continues by phone, sitting on a bench outside her local sewing store while on a fabric run. “This collection goes from one extreme to the other; from super vintage, really girly silhouettes to baggy sweatshirts and pants. I just took my original idea as far as I could.” The non032 / BUST // APR/MAY

fussy pieces, which scream summer adventures and lakeside days, are made of light cotton, supersoft denim, and jersey, offering the best of both worlds: cute and comfy. Feller graduated from Vancouver’s Helen Lefeaux School of Fashion Design almost 10 years ago, wanting to start a clothing line. But when an internship at a local label left her feeling like the world of fashion was pretentious and wrought with knockoffs, she ditched the idea of designing and instead started doing wardrobe styling for Canada’s booming ﬁlm industry. After seven years on sets, Feller admits she got a little bored, and when the director of a movie she was working on convinced her she needed to “do her own thing,” Lily + Jae was born. The popular styles in Vancouver tend to be mountain-climbing gear and yoga clothes, but Feller doesn’t mind. “We’re sort of on our own here,” she says of the insular design community. “I can’t be checking people out on the street, because folks here are pretty casual, so I’m not a very good trend forecaster; I’ll happily admit that. I make what I think is cute.” Peep her new collection at www.lilyandjae.com. [LISA BUTTERWORTH] PHOTO BY JEANEEN LUND

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TREND SPOTTING

romper room TAKE TO THE STREET IN A SWEET ONE-PIECE NO LONGER RELEGATED to newborns and ﬂuorescent-clad folks in the slammer, jumpers are all the rage among fashionistas everywhere. Style bloggers from France to Australia are embracing rompers and one-piece suits to complete their spring look in one fell swoop. From simple button-downs to strappy shorts numbers, nothing pulls a cute, comfy look together better than a fused top and bottom. And let’s face it: cutting the fuss out of choosing an outﬁt is totally boss. Stop playing matchmaker with your ensemble and try one of these one-piece wonders. [TARA MARKS]

Lover David Romper, $440, www.loverthelabel.com 034 / BUST // APR/MAY

She-bible Marianne Jumpsuit, $125, www.she-bible.com

Fremont Bridgette Jumper, $277, www.fremontapparelco.com // BUST / 034

PRODUCT PHOTOS BY CHRISTINE BLACKBURNE

Lily + Jae Denim Bloomer Dress, $168, www.lilyandjae.com

CLOCKWISE FROM TOP: BETTY AUTIER (WWW.LEBLOGDEBETTY.COM); EMILY OGDEN (WWW.EMILYOPHOTO.COM); ERIKA MARIE (FASHIONCHALET.BLOGSPOT.COM).

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mama celestial

girls just wanna have fungus This mushroom-capped mug and toadstool tin make the perfect teatime team. The cup includes a strainer, and your loose leaves will stay dry in this canister, which keeps fungi on the outside only. It’s the closest thing you can get to mushroom tea without seeing trails (mug, $21, large canister, $20, www.japanesegiftmarket.com). [CALLIE WATTS]

PRODUCT PHOTOS BY CHRISTINE BLACKBURNE

Become a zodiac thriller in these satin skivvies. Each astrological identity comes in a different color with your sign written in script across the rump ($15 each, www.bestowboutique.com). [CALLIE WATTS]

test kitchen [ THEIR PRODUCTS, OUR INTERNS ] ALISON

With ingredients like lime, strawberry, and grapefruit, this organic shower soap sounds more like a recipe than a body wash, but it left my skin feeling clean and conditioned. Unfortunately, it couldn’t handle my often-rank armpits, but then again, not much can.

It’s not often that you can pronounce and even eat virtually all of the ingredients in a beauty product, so thumbs up there. Though it felt like pie ﬁlling, it left my skin soft and smelling delish too, making it a good one for summertime, people.

The scent of this soap reminded me of the fruity Teen Spirit deodorant I wore in middle school, but it left my skin supersmooth. It also doubles as an awesome shaving cream.

This all-natural lip sheen gave my lips some much-needed moisture, shine, and just the right amount of color. As for its chocolatey-mint scent, my boyfriend said, “That smells so good, I’ll eat it right now.” I puckered up; you do the math.

A loyal Chapstick girl, I hate goopy or sparkly stuff on my lips. But this shimmer actually went on pretty matte and had a nice, deep color. While not my everyday lip balm, it will certainly ﬁnd a place in my purse for future use.

I love that Kiss My Face products are 100 percent natural and 91 percent organic, and this lip shimmer scores points for being so tingly and minty. However, it did little to nourish my chapped lips, and it was way too lipsticky.

Arrojo Hair Repair Masque, $15, www. arrojoproduct.com LUSH Lime Shower Smoothie, $16.95, www.lushusa.com

CATHERINE My ADD prevented me from leaving this masque on for the suggested 10 minutes, but even after one prematurely washed-out treatment, my crazy-frizz hair was noticeably quenched. I loved that it wasn’t supersticky and had a natural, fresh scent.

Kiss My Face Sheer Organic Shimmer in Garnet, $4.95, www. kissmyface.com

ALI My hair tends to get greasy rather than dehydrated, so the idea of a deep conditioner made me hesitant. To my surprise, this masque made my ﬁne tresses feel thicker and softer without looking weighed-down. I’m deﬁnitely adding it to my weekly regimen.

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When the dudes from What Not to Wear talk, I listen, so I was stoked to try this hair masque from the show’s hairstylist, Nick Arrojo. It totally rehydrated my overly stressed hair, leaving it smooth and shiny. At $15, it’s a reasonable splurge for broke girls like myself.

PAGE O’ SHIT

from trash to treasure MAKE YOUR FRIENDS GO GREEN WITH ENVY OVER THESE RUBBISH REPLICAS [BY CALLIE WATTS] Clockwise from top left: I’m Not Paper, But I Crush a Lot This ceramic crinkle cup will have you whistling Dixie ($12, www.aplusrstore. com). Stackin’ Counterfeit Paper Throw a green party with plastic plates donned up in drag to look disposable ($5.99 each, www.mfah. org). La-Di-Da-Di, It’s a Reusable Party Be the classiest lady at the keg with this dishwasher-safe tumbler that just looks like toss-away plastic ($4, www.mfah.org). Message in a Bottle Make sippin’ from plastic water under the bridge with this classy glass container ($7.95 for 22 oz., $15.95 for 50 oz. shown with straw, www.crateandbarrel.com). Freaks and Greeks Wake up and smell the coffee: the look of bodega joe is now sustainable ($12, www.uncommongoods.com). We’re Not Gonna Take Out Without a doubt, this handmade porcelain to-go tin’s got clout. ($50, lorenabarrezueta.etsy.com). Ramen Holiday Use your noodle and ditch the Styrofoam for this reusable ceramic cup ($16.99, www.perpetualkid.com). Lookin’ Like Trash This porcelain cup has a silicone lid, so next time you get java on the run, you can BYOC ($20, www.moma.org). The Final Straw This handmade sippin’ stick is a quick ﬁx for all the plastic you toss suckin’ through disposables ($8, www.glassdharma.com).

PHOTO BY SARAH ANNE WARD

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tammy, can you hear me? tammy, can you see me? A BUST regular since 2004, “Unlovable” is a comic based on a diary the strip’s author and artist, Esther Pearl Watson, found in a gas-station bathroom. This ﬁrst-ever collection follows ’80s hot mess Tammy Pierce through her sophomore year of high school, as she fumbles her way through unshaven knees, stupid crushes, bad fashion, and a painful amount of embarrassment. You’ll love her ’cause you were her ($22.99, www.

get knuckle-dusted If you liked it, then you shoulda put some wood on it! Handmade by Kerri O’Connell, these two- and three-ﬁnger rings are all-natch street fash (top to bottom: $25, $20, $30, www.goodwoodnyc.com). [CALLIE WATTS]

rock a lobster This crustacean creation from Erickson Beamon for Target is a beaded dream. Come spring, all the mobsters will be wearing lobsters as ice, so start reppin’ that lob mentality now ($39.99, www.target.com). [CALLIE WATTS]

PRODUCT PHOTOS BY CHRISTINE BLACKBURNE

bustboobtique.com). [CALLIE WATTS]

Size Matters Does your larger-than-average shoe size lead to fruitless hours of sole searching, leaving you longing for a cute boot or a swell heel? Then get your feet lookin’ neat at BarefootTess.com which offers affordable designer shoes from the likes of 80%20, Faryl Robin, and Dolce Vita, in sizes up to 15.

rock steady

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PHOTO COURTESY OF BRAMBLE BERRY

MINERAL MAKEUP GIVES GOOD FACE THIS SPRING, WHEN you shimmy out of your winter layers into something a little more comfortable, why not give your face the same treatment? Instead of getting bogged down by makeup with funky chemicals, there’s a bevy of natural mineral-based products that can make you feel fresh as an April morning. Made primarily from ﬁnely ground minerals and pigments found in nature, like silica, ultramarine, and iron oxides, mineral makeup doesn’t have the talc, preservatives, and oils that can constitute the bulk of traditional makeup. In other words, they don’t feel heavy and won’t clog your Make your eyes merry with Bramble Berry pores. Plus, most contain titanium dioxide, which happens to have a natural SPF. I tried a few brands to see what all the fuss is about. The freshMinerals starter kit ($30, www.freshmineralsusa.com) comes with three brushes, foundation and ﬁnishing powders, bronzer, and eye shadow. I loved the foundation by itself—it’s so light, and gals like myself, who prefer a barefaced look, will especially appreciate its smoothing and illuminating qualities. My favorite product from Everyday Minerals was their Intensive Concealer ($8, www.everydayminerals.com). The powder can be applied dry or wet (just add water!) and it did a bang-up job hiding unwelcome spots. If you don’t mind getting your hands dirty, you can mix up your own customized foundation with Bramble Berry’s DIY Mineral Makeup Kit ($39.99, www.brambleberry.com). It comes with all the ingredients you need, including kaolin clay and titanium dioxide. I prefer my foundation premade, but I dug mixing up a rainbow of shades with their Eye Shadow Kit in Vivid ($44.99), though its variety of crazy colors (which can’t all be found in nature) means it’s got some synthetic ingredients. One thing is clear: the time has never been better to start powdering your way to perfection—naturally. [SIRI THORSON]

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AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 GIRLS [#37]

Hey! Ho! Chicago

Word nerds will love Women and Children First Light up your life at White Attic

chicago, illinois THIS WINDY CITY GUIDE PROVES THE MIDWEST IS THE BEST [BY LAURA HOUSE]

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FROM THE MAD-TALL skyscrapers downtown to the tidy blocks of brownstones in Chicago’s eclectic neighborhoods, this big city is full of smalltown heart. Whether you’re grabbing a cheap taco in Pilsen, scouring indie shops in Bucktown, or simply soaking up the shimmer of Lake Michigan, you’ll see exactly why local hero President Barack Obama called Chicago home. Here, funny is sexy, plastic-perfect is suspect, and being nice will actually get you somewhere. The Windy City is the country’s third largest metropolis, but boasting really isn’t our thing––in typically chummy midwestern fashion we’d rather drag you around to our favorite joints and show you why this town totally rules. So in that spirit, let’s save the small talk and get right to it. If you do one geeky tourist thing while you’re here, make it a crash course in architecture aboard Chicago’s First Lady (www.cruisechicago.com). You can get the lowdown on the high-rises during a cruise on the Chicago River with docents from Chi-town’s Architecture Foundation. The views are spectacular, and the buildings are more impressive than you’d think. Back on land, enjoy the quintessential photo op at the iconic “Cloud Gate” sculpture in Millennium Park before heading east to the beaches of sparkling Lake Michigan, where you

can hop on a bike (check www.bikechicago.com for rental locations) for the cheapest, easiest way to cruise the 26 miles of paved paths along the shore. You won’t soon forget the feel of the wind in your hair as you pass landmarks like Soldier Field (home of da Bears) and the Adler Planetarium. Now that you’ve scoped some major scenery, catch the “El” train (plan routes at www.transitchicago.com) to the vibrant neighborhoods outside of downtown. Chicago’s main public transportation offers a rumbling ride through subway tunnels and on elevated tracks that afford great city views for just $2.25 a journey. Art junkies should head southwest to Pilsen, a Latino community chock-full of creative types. Gallery hop along South Halsted Street (between Canalport Ave. and 17th Pl.) the second Friday of every month. If all that culture makes you thirsty, refresh with a cold beer and pub food in the laid-back atmosphere of Skylark (2149 S. Halsted St.). Sample cheap, satisfying tacos from the taquerias along 18th Street, Pilsen’s main drag, or try Mexican with a Mediterranean ﬂare at BYOB favorite Mundial Cocina Mestiza (1640 W. 18th St.), which turns out carne asada as skillfully as it does pappardelle pasta. From there, follow in hometown boy John Cusack’s High Fidelity footsteps northwest to the PHOTOS BY MICHAEL EVANGELISTA

The art has heart on South Halsted

Natalina’s pretty pastries

Make your digs divine with ﬁnds from @home The Ruby Room’s zen zone The snacks at Milk and Honey are totally money

The Cloud Gate is great

Penelope’s steez

hipster haven known as the Ukrainian Village/Bucktown/Wicker Park corridor and flip through vinyl at Reckless Records (1532 N. Milwaukee Ave.). Then expand your wardrobe at Eskell (1509 N. Milwaukee Ave.) with a oneof-a-kind design from the shop’s owners, or Penelope’s (1913 W. Division St.), which has a well-selected mix of Built By Wendy, A.P.C., and Dunderdon threads for gals and guys. Get your DIY fix by shopping for homemade accessories, clothes, and more at Renegade Handmade (1924 W. Division St.), the brickand-mortar store from the crafty gals behind the Renegade Craft Fair. Pop into the casual cafe Milk and Honey (1920 W. Division St.) for breakfast (try their famous homemade granola), gourmet sandwiches, or snacks. Vegetarians will want to fill their belly with small plates from around the world at the mod Mana Food Bar (1742 W. Division St.). Or nosh on a wood oven–baked organic pizza on the chill patio at Crust (2056 W. Division St.). Now for a cocktail: on a warm evening, the gnome-accented patio at Happy Village (1059 N. Wolcott Ave.) is just like Grandma’s house––only with beer and ping-pong. Snap souvenir shots in the photo booth at Liz Phair’s former watering hole and

current scenester fave Rainbo Club (1150 N. Damen Ave.). For a little night music, dive into the no-frills, all-fun Empty Bottle (1035 N. Western Ave.) to catch sets by up-andcoming bands. Spend some time in the charming neighborhood of Andersonville on the North Side, which is full of mom ‘n’ pop shops and restaurants. Tuck into a plate of Swedish pancakes at Svea (5236 N. Clark St.), a tiny diner trimmed with Scandinavian kitsch. Browse the shelves and pick up the latest copy of BUST at independent bookstore Women and Children First (5233 N. Clark St.), or poke around the many home stores like Scout (5221 N. Clark St.), an urban antique shop, and White Attic (5225 N. Clark St.), which features vintage furniture and a mix-and-match lamp bar. Refuel with Italian cookies and confections at Pasticceria Natalina (5406 N. Clark St.) and coffee from the groovy Kopi Travelers Café (5317 N. Clark St.). Grab dinner at swank Jin Ju (5203 N. Clark St.), which serves yummy Korean cuisine and killer sojutinis (you’ve been warned). If jazz or poetry slams are your thing, drop by Al Capone’s old hangout (complete with underground escape tunnels for the notorious

gangster) The Green Mill (4802 N. Broadway Ave.) in neighboring Uptown. On Wednesdays and Saturdays, you can grab all the fresh ﬁxings for a lakeside picnic at the expansive Green City Market (1750 N. Clark St.), and Sundays are perfect for thrifting at the Maxwell Street Market (640 West Roosevelt Rd.). Locals don’t take themselves too seriously, making Chicago fertile ground for acclaimed comedy, so see what’s happening at iO (3541 N. Clark St.) and The Second City (1616 N. Wells St.), where Amy Sedaris and Tina Fey got their comedy start. For a place to ditch your bags, go low-key at the serene Ruby Room (1743-45 W. Division St.; rooms start at $89)—its spa offers yoga and energy cleansing, and the rooms are without phones or TVs. Tucked away in the Lincoln Park neighborhood is Windy City Urban Inn (607 W. Deming Pl.; rooms start at $115) where you can start your day with a breakfast buffet. Chicagoans are an affable bunch, and if you ask nicely, someone just might offer her own neighborhood tour. So grab your sneakers, loosen those belts, and ﬁnd out why Frank Sinatra crooned that Chicago is one town that won’t let you down. // BUST / 041

042 / BUST // APR/MAY ALL IN ONE: TOPSHOP UNIQUE

Allen intelligence When pop superstar Lily Allen talks, the entire U.K. listens. Here, we get her all to ourselves as she opens up about her new album, her family, and the huge changes her life has undergone since Alright, Still

BY LEONIE COOPER PHOTOGRAPHY : : PEROU STYLIST : : ELLIE STIDOLPH FOR LUCY MANNING AT PATRICIA MCMAHON MAKEUP : : GINA KANE HAIR : : HAMILTON

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S A LONDONER, one enfamous mouth, it becomes quickly evident that the brazen, counters Lily Allen almost self-assured Allen we’ve come to know and love is no mere daily. As famous here as construction. Responding to a comment I make about the luParis Hilton or Britney dicrous press she gets almost daily in the U.K., it’s clear she’s Spears is on the other side eager to tackle the issue head-on. “I’ve often phoned up The of the pond, she frequently Mirror’s news desk and said, ‘What the fuck have you written appears on the covers of that for?’” she says. “It’s pretty pointless, me calling them, but such tabloids as The Daily I like to stand up for myself.” She takes the press to task on Mirror and The Sun. Starher new album’s first single, “The Fear,” as well, mocking the ing out at us through thickly superstar lifestyle she is often accused of having. When I ask lined peepers, sporting luxe labels and immaculate maquilher about the story behind the song, her answer is immediate. lage, she’s a far cry from the girl we came to know in 2006, “These two girls walked past us with their mum and their dad, when she released her first record, Alright, Still. Back then, and they were about 10 and 7, I’d say,” starts Allen mattershe burst onto the music scene dressed in teen-tastic prom of-factly, her legs now swung over the side of the chair, “and dresses and sneakers, singing songs about crappy boyfriends they both had matching hot pants and crop tops on. I thought, with undersized packages like the hit “Not Big,” in which ‘That’s not really a good look for children.’ It scared me.” she belted out the scathing refrain, “I’m gonna tell the world The song itself is a sugar-dipped, electro-driven rampage you’re rubbish in bed now/And that you’re small in the game.” that bluntly showcases today’s pretty vacant tabloid society The album also told tales about her pot-smoking younger brother, Alfie, and fearlessly explored the everyday angst of young women (“I wanna be able to eat spaghetti Bolognese/ And not feel bad about it for days and days and days”). A global sensation, Alright, Still was nominated for a Grammy, went gold in the U.S., went six-times platinum in the U.K., and earned Allen a huge audience of smart, snarky women who were drawn to her sweet pop style and sarcastic, biting lyrics. Over in the U.K., she soon became tabloid fodder, thanks to her outspoken personality and very public partying, and found herself relentlessly harassed by the media. As a and Allen’s very real dread over what she refers to as her “feelresult, in addition to having her appearance constantly picked ing of terror about the world becoming a fake place.” It’s not all over, she’s also had to deal with her personal life—from her deadly serious cultural commentary though, because as always, romance with Ed Simons of the Chemical Brothers to the reAllen’s tongue is wedged firmly in her cheek. Indeed, it’s a rare sulting pregnancy and eventual miscarriage—becoming frontstar who could sing lyrics like, “I want to be rich and I want lots of page news. Now, almost three years after that initial album money/I don’t care about clever, I don’t care about funny/I want catapulted her into a completely different kind of life, Allen’s loads of clothes and fuckloads of diamonds/I heard people die back with her sophomore release, the hotly anticipated It’s Not while they’re trying to find them” and still come out on top. Me, It’s You. And you can practically hear the paparazzi drool“Maybe they feel like women won’t fight back,” Allen offers, ing at the thought of all the glamorous public appearances and explaining why she thinks the tabloids target women more than nocturnal cavorting that are sure to follow. men. Fighting back, however, is something Allen prides herself But when I finally meet Allen in person, at a posh celebrity on. “I don’t play the game,” she says of her refusal to cooperate hot spot known as The Club at The Ivy in London, she’s nothing with the media—a bold move in the press-obsessed U.K. “I don’t scratch their back, and they don’t scratch mine.” Unfortunately, like the larger-than-life party girl she’s portrayed as in the media. taking this tack means that if the tabloids don’t manage to get Although The Club’s upmarket penthouse is scattered with mini hold of a new story on her, they’ll simply make one up. Having leather armchairs and filled with cozy little corners, Allen has lies written about you day in and day out rarely gets easier, Allen chosen a chair in the very middle of the room. She’s curled up says, but some stories are less difficult to deal with than others. in her seat and sporting a bulky black Chanel sweater, her teeny, “It depends, really, on what it is,” she says. “I guess when people tiny frame practically drowning in the garment. Without her insinuate that I lost my baby because I was smoking, that upsets usual extentions, her dark chestnut hair is chopped into a messy me. But when people say that I’m causing a war with [U.S. pop bob, her well-worn white Chanel ballet pumps are on the floor, star] Katy Perry”— referring to a story alleging the two are tradand her face is clean of makeup. Scraped of the layers of supering insults—“because I told…whatever it is they’re saying, then star styling, she looks far younger than her 23 years. that doesn’t bother me, because it’s nonsense. They’re both still Yet, despite her low-key appearance, when she opens her

“ I’ve often phoned up The Mirror ’s news desk and said, ‘What the fuck have you written that for?’”

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PLAYSUIT: D&G; SHOES: LILY’S OWN

quite personal, but when people are making claims about things they know absolutely nothing about…” She trails off, obviously peeved, declining to go any further. Regardless of tabloid speculation, the true story behind Allen’s rise to fame is plenty interesting, to say the least. After a childhood that saw her move from school to school—13 in all, including stints at some of the U.K.’s most privileged establishments—and even a brief spell selling drugs in Ibiza, Allen finally dropped out of formal education. Though somewhat estranged at the time from her father, Keith Allen, a notorious British actor and comedian who split with Lily’s film-producer mom, Alison Owen, when Lily was two, Lily allowed him to spearhead her initial attempt at a music career. At first, things seemed to be looking up. Her dad was able to score her a deal with Warner Music in 2002. But it was there that the teenage Lily was handed a clutch of evidently uninspiring folk songs that eventually came to nothing. As a musical calling, it was over before it began, and instead, Lily dabbled with the idea of becoming a florist. Not one to give up, though, she gave it another go on her own, and her second crack at the musical limelight was an unfettered success. This time she joined forces with production pair Future Cut and wowed the world with the summery, ska-tinged Alright, Still. She’s since dabbled in television, briefly hosting the BBC talk show Lily Allen and Friends, and, more successfully, branched out into fashion with a line called Lily Loves for the U.K. chain New Look, known for it’s plus-sized offerings as well as for its low-priced, youth-oriented clothing. “Lots of different companies asked me to work with them,” she tells me, “but I decided on New Look, because I wanted to do a range of clothes that would suit people of all different shapes and sizes.” Now, however, all eyes are on her new album, It’s Not Me, It’s You. A collaboration between Allen and producer Greg Kurstin, of the beloved indie band the Bird and the Bee, her sophomore collection is packed with more of the kind of sing-along pop hooks and lyrical pyrotechnics that made Alright, Still such a runaway hit, proving once and for all that Allen is a star with staying power. Alongside Keira Knightley and Amy Winehouse, Allen has become one of the new millennium’s most well-known young British female exports, not least for simply being a woman who speaks her mind and enjoys a drink. Today, though, she proudly states that she hasn’t drunk alcohol since September 2008, preferring now to swap boozy nights out for posh dinners at fancy London eateries. When asked what prompted this lifestyle change, she’s tight-lipped but does concede, “I have a clearer head now.” Basking in the powerful glow of the media spotlight for over two and a half years, however, means that since hitting the big-time, Allen has rarely been able to do anything outside her own home without the world and its dog knowing about it. As well as her very public miscarriage, her relationship ups and downs are always big news. At the time of this article’s writing, the Internet was awash with pictures of her enjoying a brief holiday romance with 45-year-old

gallerist and art dealer Jay Jopling. Paparazzi will wait outside her house from early morning and follow her all day and night. The only chance she has of giving them the slip once they’re on her tail, she tells me, is by getting in a black taxi, because it can use restricted bus lanes and the paps in their cars can’t. Her life may have changed completely, but she does her best to keep it as normal as possible; “I drive myself around, I do my own thing, I go for lunch with my friends,” she says. Dining venues have had to change a tad, though. “Lunch at McDonald's on Oxford Street,” she says, is “probably not such a good idea for me now. I used to enjoy it, but y’know, I’d be in there for an hour having my photo taken with people.” Now her little brother, 22-year-old actor Alﬁe Allen, has also fallen into the fame game, both for taking over from Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe in a U.K. tour of the Peter Shaffer play Equus and for dating fellow Brit actress Jaime Winstone. But when I ask Lily if she ever tried to warn him of

“Lunch at McDonald's on Oxford Street is probably not such a good idea for me now.” the pitfalls of fame, her response is surprisingly casual. “We all do our own thing,” she says diplomatically. “I don’t think I’d be the best person to give advice, either! He’s actually much brighter than I am at dealing with all that stuff.” One of the prominent ways in which Allen seems to deal with and attempt to make sense of her whirlwind life is through her MySpace blog. Though she dismisses it as “just a bit of fun, really,” having a place to air her grievances and directly receive support from fans must be therapeutic. Last year she wrote about a war of words she was reported to have had with Elton John at the GQ Men of the Year Awards, which—of course—was splashed all over the tabloid gossip pages. “Trying to create a feud and trying to make me out as being some rude little girl with a drink problem is just unfair,” Allen wrote. “Elton and I exchanged jokes, and there were no hard feelings at all; in fact, neither of us gave it a second thought. It’s sad that an evening enjoyed by all had to be ruined by some bitter journos again.” When I mention that another controversial female musician also renowned for keeping a blog is Courtney Love, a laughing Allen brands her writing “quite unreadable!” But as it turns out, Allen’s known Love for years. The pair met while Love was working on a movie project with Allen’s mother, which was never shot. When asked about what she refers to // BUST / 047

“My mum probably didn’t realize the damage going to Catholic school caused. I thought I was going to hell.” The new album’s jazzy, emotion-drenched track “He Wasn’t There” is clearly about her father. In it Allen sings of their complex relationship, with the lyrics: “It didn’t matter if he let me down/I didn’t care about the lies/All I knew was that he loved me very much/He was my hero in disguise.” When asked about her penchant for keeping her songs close to home, she explains, “I think it’s easier for me to write things when they’re honest and coming from a real place.” There’s also a lighthearted, acoustic-guitar-spiked number about religion, “Him,” which name checks 9/11 and suggests that God’s favorite band is Creedence Clearwater Revival— “because they’re beardy men and they look a bit like Jesus,” she explains. It turns out, however, that due to some preteen Catholic schooling, Allen’s personal views on religion run much deeper and darker. “My mum was never a practicing Catholic, but I grew up in quite an intense Catholic environment,” she says. “I didn’t understand it, because they said gays were bad, adultery was bad, and killing each other was bad. And I saw lots of killing going on in the world, and my mum’s friends were all gay, and my father was an adulterer. My mum probably didn’t realize the damage going to Catholic school [caused],” she says. “I thought I was going to hell.” Politics—personal and otherwise—evidently loom large in the life of Allen. Her jaunty new piano-driven anthem “Fuck You” 048 / BUST // APR/MAY

began as an attack against the fascist British National Party but also features what many believe to be a dig at George W. Bush, with a phrase that features Allen chirping, “Do you get a little kick out of being small-minded?/You want to be like your father, it’s approval you’re after.” Then there’s her eco-consciousness and growing public bouts of social and environmental activism. Last year, she wrote to British Members of Parliament backing a campaign to increase renewable energy resources and met with London Mayor Boris Johnson to talk about reducing knife crime among the capital’s youth. But she knows it takes more than meetings to make a difference. “I’m always thinking about things and how we can change the world,” she says. “It’s more difficult putting those things into action.” Impressed, I ask her if she thinks it’s the duty of a celebrity to draw attention to worthy social causes, but she answers the question with a simple no, adding, “I think it’s the duty of a human being.” When she’s not out and about being a rock star or trying to save the planet, Allen says she prefers to work from home, a flat in well-to-do West London that she shares with her beloved pooch, Mabel, a mutt she picked up six months ago from the Battersea Dogs Home shelter. Allen describes her “very cozy” home as a space full of big comfy sofas, pictures on the walls, fireplaces, flowers, and “some antiquey-looking furniture.” It sounds like sheer domestic bliss, especially once she reveals that she’s also a whiz in the kitchen. “I make an aromatic Thai chicken broth quite well, with rice noodles. I make a good Sunday roast, cake…” she pauses. “Victoria sponge is a nice one.” So what’s a girl like Allen doing in a stuffy place like West London? “It’s closer to Heathrow [airport],” she confesses. When she’s on tour, Allen admits she’s “flying probably about three times a week around the world.” How, though, does she square this with her other life as a social and environmental activist? “We’re trying to route the world tour,” she says, “because the last time we did it crossing over and going back on ourselves and coming back to London. With the last record, we didn’t really know how well it was going to do, so we started off in places and then had to keep going back, whereas this time, we’ve got a better idea of what territories we might work in, so we’ve routed the tour to go all the way around the world, rather than….” She ends her explanation with a crisscrossing gesture, made with fingers tipped in chipped turquoise nail polish. “When I’m on tour, I miss home very much,” she adds wearily, obviously feeling the weight of her next departure, in only three weeks. But when I ask her what it’s like when she finally gets to head home after a long time abroad, her response suggests that as hectic as her life may have become over the past few years since her career took off, she wouldn’t have things any other way. “When I get on the airplane to fly back to London, my favorite thing is reading the Daily Mail,” she says. “It really makes me feel like I’m going back to horrible England where people are mean— there’s something quite cozy about it!” B

DRESS: LOUISE GRAY

as the “quite insane” ﬁrst time they met, Allen recalls, “My mum and my mum’s business partner were busy and had another meeting. So my mum said, ‘Oh, Lily, can you take Courtney to a pub or something?’ It was the end of the day on a Friday, so I took her to this pub in Soho. Everyone was staring at us, ’cause I was 15 and she was in her mid-30s.” In fact, during our chat, Allen’s blond, stylishly put-together mom appears, coincidentally called to The Club for a business meeting. After the pair chat and share a warm hug, Allen tells me she’s taking her mom to the Caribbean—the very vacation on which she is spotted with her new man a few weeks later. Other signs of the important place that family holds in Allen’s life can be found on her new album, which is home to a number of songs about various relatives. “I write songs about things that mean something to me,” she says. “That’s why there is a song about politics, there’s a song about my dad, my mum, my older sister, and the relationships I’ve had over the past few years.”

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Bleakonomics BUST’s guide to surviving the recession, no matter how broke you already are

T’S NO SECRET the economy isn’t exactly booming right now. Banks are in a world of hurt, folks are losing their jobs left and right, and the stock market is going crazy. There’s no doubt about it: we’re in a recession. But how does this craptacular economy affect someone who’s less likely to invest a spare $50 than drop it on a night of drinking and Sunday brunch—or who doesn’t have a spare anything to begin with? What is a recession anyway, and more important, what does it mean to you? When the economy slows down considerably for more than just a few months, it’s called a recession. Rising unemployment, declining consumer spending, and dramatic ups and downs in prices feed off each other to fuel the downturn. Think about it this way: let’s say you lose your job and have to cut back on spending. In a good economy, you’ll ﬁnd a new job and go back to your old cash-burning habits without affecting the ﬁnancial state of the country. But in a recession, employment is hard to come by. And let’s say a few million people lose their jobs and cut back their expenses. Suddenly, companies are making less money and have to let employees go. Now those people cut back, so even more companies lose business, and a pretty vicious cycle ensues. That’s what I mean by the economy slowing down, and it’s what we’re in the midst of now. Most of the time, the market rights itself on its own. Other times, the government steps in to try to spur spending (hence all the talk of “stimulus packages”). You’ve probably heard

speculation that we may even be entering a depression—an economic slump that lasts longer and hits harder. In fact, every downturn before the Wall Street crash of 1929 was called a depression. The word recession was coined later because after America crawled out of the Great Depression of the ’30s, people didn’t want to use the word depression again unless they really meant it. So far, we haven’t had to. Right now, we’re firmly in recession territory, and there are a number of things that could happen to you because of it. If you’re unemployed, you may have trouble finding work. If you have a job, you may lose some benefits or even pay, due to salary cuts or fourday workweeks. You can also expect prices to get wonky: while the cost of some items might go down (hello, sales!), the cost of others (like food or gas) may go up. Interest rates on savings accounts may drop as interest rates on credit cards increase. In general, it will be tougher to get credit because banks and credit card companies have less money to lend. If you’ve worked hard to save and invest money, you may have to kiss a lot of it good-bye. The best way to prepare for all these things is to take control of your finances. Figure out where your money is going and where you can save; then use those nickels and dimes to build an emergency fund, and brace yourself for whatever the economy may bring. If you dodge a layoff, you’ll have a pool of money set aside that you can use to pay down debt or go on vacation. It’s a win-win.

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FACE THE MUSIC: WHERE IS YOUR MONEY GOING? Before you do anything, take a cold, hard look at what you spend your money on. If you’ve woken up on a Monday with $12 in your account when you know you had $100 on Friday, it’s time for the dreaded B word—budget. Creating one will help you avoid the horrible realization that you spent your grocery money on vintage jeans. So pick a week and take note of every penny you spend. Whether it’s $10 on a pair of tights or 75 cents on a candy bar, write it all down. You’ll be shocked by how much you spend on things you don’t even care about. I realized I spent over $10 a week on the “good coffee” across the street from my ofﬁce— and I wasn’t even getting lattes! That’s more than $500 a year, dribbled away $1.75 at a time. If you’re too lazy to write it all down or just don’t trust yourself, sign up on a budgeting site like Mint.com or Wesabe.com. They’ll link to your checking account and track your spending for you, free of charge. They even provide neat budgeting tools and tips for saving cash.

NOW WHAT? PINCH THOSE PENNIES, AND PUT ’EM AWAY Armed with the knowledge of where your money is going, you’ll want to start looking for places to cut back, because building a cushion of savings is the first step toward surviving the recession. Shoot for an emergency fund of at least three months’ salary— cash to fall back on if you get a pink slip at work. Since that could happen at any time, you’ll want to start pinching pennies immediately, in every way you can. Are you spending a lot on going out? Cut back a night or two each week. Is the cost of gas a problem? Look into public transportation or carpooling—some companies offer their employees incentives to use mass transit or ride-share, so be sure to take advantage! Do you really watch all those cable channels you pay for? Drop some. Have you noticed a cheaper cell phone or Internet plan that your provider doesn’t offer? Switch companies. Or call your provider and ask them to match the rate. If they don’t go for it, ask for the customer-retention department—it’s their job to keep you happy—and try again. These companies are feeling the recession too, so make them work for your money. Most of us can trim our spending by at least 10 percent with simple cutbacks like these. The more you scrimp now, the better off you’ll be if you find yourself facing unemployment. Be realistic, though—a girl has to save, but she also needs to cut loose sometimes. The trick is to be cost effective, like grabbing a cheap bottle of wine to share with your ladies instead of sitting at a bar dropping $8 a glass. Now that you’ve “found” this money in your budget, start socking it away in an emergency fund by following the old adage “Pay yourself first.” My checking account is linked to my savings account, and I have money automatically transferred to it every payday, so I never even see it. You’ll want to put your money in a “high-yield” savings account, which just means that it earns more interest than the average savings account you’d find at your local bank. By shopping around or 052 / BUST // APR/MAY

going online, you can ﬁnd an account that earns 3.5 percent (go to BankRate.com to compare percentages). That’s $35 a year for every $1,000 you save—for doing absolutely nothing. If your local bank charges a monthly maintenance fee, you’d actually be losing money every month. You’ll also want to make sure your savings account is FDIC-insured, which means that if your bank goes out of business, your money is protected by the government for up to $250,000.

WILD CARD: JUST SAY NO TO PLASTIC If you have a lot of credit-card debt (and honestly, who doesn’t?), paying it down, even in this crappy economy, should be next on your list, for a couple of really good reasons. First of all, your monthly payments are determined by how much you owe, so reducing your balances now means lower monthly payments later, which will be crucial if you lose your job. Second, paying more than the minimum shows your credit-card companies that you aren’t a risky customer. In this economy, they’re looking for any excuse to take away your credit or increase your interest rate, so don’t give ’em one. Besides, clearing room on your cards could come in handy if unemployment forces you to charge necessities in the short term—only as a last resort, of course! I’m not going to lie; scrimping to pay off your debt is a brutal process that takes a ton of dedication. But the result is totally worth it. First, stop using your cards! Seriously—hide them, freeze them in a block of ice, do whatever it takes. If you can’t afford something, don’t charge it; years of interest can make a $20 item cost hundreds. Then ﬁgure out exactly how much you owe (sorry, there’s no other way). After setting all your credit-card bills out in front of you, write down how much you owe on each, what the minimum payment is, and what the interest rate is. Once your emergency fund is built up, you can start devoting at least half your monthly savings to paying down your debt. Focus on one card at a time while continuing to pay the monthly minimum on all the others. Once you’ve paid one card off, move on to the next until you’re done. To make the penny-pinching during this process a bit less painful, get creative to squeeze a little more savings out of your budget. If you have a car, consider getting rid of it. If you live in a big apartment, get a roommate or downgrade your digs. Also, think about ways to make more moolah. Can you pick up a few shifts waitressing or working retail? If you make jewelry or clothing, consider opening a shop at Etsy.com or selling your wares at a local crafts fair. Trust me, the feeling you get when you pay off that last bill makes it all worthwhile. Until your emergency fund is stocked, do what you can to at least make all your minimum payments. If that’s truly impossible, call your credit card company before you miss a

due date, and try negotiating a different payment plan or lower interest rate. Whatever you do, don’t ignore your debt. As tempting as that is, it only makes things worse. And don’t think declaring bankruptcy is the answer, either. It’s not a magic wand that makes all of your money problems disappear, and some types of debt, including student loans and back taxes, will still stay with you even after bankruptcy. Plus, it puts a huge black mark on your credit report for eight to ten years. If you are drowning in debt, get some help from a non-proﬁt credit-counseling service. But before you do, check with the Better Business Bureau (www.bbb.org) to make sure you use one that’s legit.

GOLDEN YEARS: YOUR 401(K) WILL SAVE THE DAY The recession’s given the stock market a serious ass-kicking. If you have a 401(k), you probably can’t help but panic when you open a new statement and see the beating your hard-earned retirement savings has taken. But pulling your money out to halt the damage won’t ﬁx anything. You’ve got decades until you need money for retirement, so just wait out the economic slump. If you withdraw from your 401(k) now, not only will you lock in your losses instead of giving the market time to rebound, but you’ll also get hit with taxes and big penalties—10 percent of what you withdraw. It’s just not worth it. But until the market recovers, you should consider reducing your 401(k) contribution to whatever minimum is necessary to receive your employee match; neglecting this company perk is like telling your boss you don’t want a raise. If you don’t have an employee match, stop investing in your retirement account until you have a healthy emergency fund set up and have paid down your debt. It’s also a good time to think about how your 401(k) money is allocated. If you’re young, you can afford to be risky by investing more in stocks because retirement is ages away. But if all this recent turmoil has you losing sleep at night, you may want to invest more conservatively, in money-market funds and bonds—they’re a lot less dicey, which means they’re making more money than stocks right now but won’t rake it in over the long haul. Taking some risks now, though, can pay off big-time in the future. I know that sounds counterintuitive, but let me explain. When the economy is doing well, our instincts tell us to buy stock. But when the market dips, we get scared and pull back. So we wind up purchasing stocks when the prices are higher (in a good economy) and we stop buying them when they cost less (in a bad economy). That’s like buying clothes only when they’re not on sale—it doesn’t make sense! If you can stomach the risk, this is probably one of the best times to invest in stocks through your retirement fund. If you don’t have a retirement plan, consider opening one now only if your employer offers a match. You’ll take advantage of the free

money and save a few bucks on your taxes, since contributions come from pre-tax income. Otherwise, make a note to start one when the economy rebounds. If you work for yourself or your company doesn’t offer a plan, you’ll want to look into a traditional or Roth IRA—an independent version of a 401(k)—at an investment ﬁrm, like Fidelity or T. Rowe Price.

HAVE A PINK SLIP PLAN: KNOW YOUR FACTS IF YOU GET THE AXE All this planning is great, but what if you get laid off? Don’t panic. First, make sure you get everything your former employer owes you. Ask about severance pay, health-care continuation, stock options, payment for accrued vacation, everything. If you still have a good relationship, you might want to talk about freelance opportunities. It may feel weird, but even a small paycheck can help you make it through while you look for your next job—and in most states, you can still receive unemployment benefits even if you’re working part-time, as long as you aren’t earning more than 50 percent of your benefit. Now is the time to hustle and keep all your options open. So don’t flip your boss off and tell her to go to hell on your way out; be professional. File for unemployment insurance immediately, so you start getting those checks as soon as possible. The benefits you’re eligible for vary from state to state (anywhere from a weekly maximum of $405, in New York, to $240, in Arizona), and they’re calculated based on a percentage of your former income. Search online for your state’s unemployment office; you may be able to get forms or even file through its Web site. The federal government recently extended unemployment insurance for an additional 13 weeks (previously, you got 26) in states that are experiencing high unemployment rates, so know what you’re entitled to. If you have student loans through the government, look into forbearance—you can usually take a six-month vacation from payments, just by filling out a form that says you’re having trouble making ends meet. Look into consolidating all your loans into one and adjusting your payment plan (you can do most of this online at www.dl.ed.gov).

THE BOTTOM LINE It’s scary out there. And who knows when the economy will get better? In the meantime, all we can do is put the kibosh on crazy spending, control our ﬁnances as best we can, and hang on for the bumpy ride. But here’s a bonus: taking care of business now means that when the economy ﬁnds its feet again, you’ll be sittin’ pretty with more savings, less debt, and best of all, peace of mind. B // BUST / 053

PAGING DR. CONCHORD N E W Z E A L A N D ’ S M O S T C R U S H W O RT H Y E X P O RT S , F L I G H T O F T H E C O N C H O R D S , A N S W E R OUR READERS’ BURNING QUESTIONS ABOUT LOVE, ROMANCE, AND WOOING A KIWI

RET MCKENZIE AND Jemaine Clement know a lot about women. How else could they have made such a deep impression on so many of this nation’s females? On HBO’s Flight of the Conchords, the two play a hapless New Zealand folk-rock duo of the same name, pursued by a single female fan, Mel. But their image on the show couldn’t be further from the truth. Ever since the show first aired last summer, the comedic twosome have transformed millions of defenseless female viewers into a virtual army of Mels, who fanatically follow the pair’s every move, TiVo their every episode, and memorize their every song. Most women would be willing to dive through their TV screens if it would bring them nearer to the guys; a few got the chance to at least be in the same room with them when the Conchords went on tour after their self-named album, featuring songs from the show’s first season, was released by Sub Pop last year. The frenzy for Flight has only increased since then. The hotly anticipated second season of the Emmy-nominated show was devoured by fans this year, and tickets for many of their spring tour dates, in support of their forthcoming Sub Pop release, I Told You I Was Freaky, sold out within minutes. The album is filled with the same brilliant combo of clever lyrics set to musical-genre parodies that we’ve come to expect from the duo, and should provide a lifeline for their fans until next year, when, hopefully, the show will return with a third season. It seems every lady wants a little piece of Bret-y, or at least a view of Jemaine’s sugalumps, so we decided to ask these masters of the female psyche if they would assist our readers with some of their issues in the romance department. Always willing to help a sister out, the boys agreed, and we put out the call on BUST.com for visitors to “Ask the Conchords.” That is how this past winter, armed with questions that had been culled from those submitted, I entered the HBO press room, where Jemaine was lazily sprawled across a leather couch, and Bret was curled up in an armchair. They were obviously exhausted from a day’s worth of interviews, yet, when I whipped out my sheet of questions, a clearly curious Jemaine asked if he could read them himself. I handed him the paper, and these two love doctors got to work. [DEBBIE STOLLER]

ON BRET: JACKET BY LIMOLAND, COAT FROM SCREAMING MIMI’S, HAT FROM ATOMIC PASSION, SHOES BY ALIFE. ON JEMAINE: SWEATER BY MOSCHINO, COAT FROM SCREAMING MIMI’S, HAT FROM ATOMIC PASSION.

J: “Dear Bret and Jemaine, How can I meet a man who both likes to kiss girls and dresses up like David Bowie on occasion? P.S. And one who is preferably as freaky as a party in space?” Sounds like what you want is to meet me. B: She should just become ﬁctional. J: “Dear Bret and Jemaine, I’m a tall girl, six feet, good looking, funny, and intelligent. But for some reason, I never get asked out on a date. Are most guys just not attracted to tall girls unless they’re supermodels or something? Signed, Really Tall Gal. P.S. For some reason, really short guys hit me up. I have nothing against shorter men, but I really would like to look a guy in the eyes and not get a sore back.” Hmm. To be honest, I think guys are intimidated. B: By height. J: Yeah, ’cause it’s seen as something really… B: ...powerful. It feels like you’re outgrowing them. J: But often, tall girls only want to go out with tall guys, so you’d wonder if you were tall enough. B: Yeah, she could just remove a little bit of bone. From the shins and the thighs. J: That’s not very helpful Bret… B: Stand farther away. J: Stand farther away, tall girl. “Dear boys, What, in your opinion, is the best romantic dinner to make on a low budget?” B: Um...a bottle of wine. J: Nice. And? B: Just a bottle of wine. J: “Dear Bret and Jemaine, Part of what I love about your comedy is that it’s about dating and romance from a nice guy’s perspective. Yes, you want to get laid, but you’re not jerks about it. Well, I’m having trouble distinguishing these guys from the ones I end up meeting in the college party scene. I’m sure they’re out there, but when I end up seeing a likely candidate at the bookstore, I don’t know what to say. Do you have any tips for meeting nice guys and the best ways to approach them? What could a hot girl—well, I think I’m kind of hot—say that would make you want to know her better? Signed, Taylor.” I’m interested, Taylor.

P H O TO G R A P H Y: D A N I E L L E S T. L A U R E N T / / S T Y L I N G : K AT H A R I N E E RW I N / / G R O O M I N G : A M Y S C H I A P PA // BUST / 055

JUST BE MORE SCRUFFY. KIWIS ARE SCRUFFY. J: The likeliness of ﬁnding one. B: There, Americans are exotic. J: Good answer. B: It’s just very true. J: It will be very easy in New Zealand for you, Sara. “Dear Conchords, Please help. I love a dude in addition to you guys. My love is tragically unrequited. I would like to use the power of music to charm him. What stuff should I include in the song in order to make the dude fall in love with me? I already made a song that compliments him on his Willie Nelson impression, and that didn’t work. Thank you. Honey.” Well, I’m surprised that didn’t work, Honey. B: Try it again; try it in a different chord. 056 / BUST // APR/MAY

J: I would find somebody else who does a good Willie Nelson impression, and try the song on him. B: Or go to a Willie Nelson impersonator’s gig. See if there are any guys you like there. J: “Dear Bret and Jemaine, Thank you for answering some questions for all the ladies of the BUST readership. Would you give some advice to American men on how to be more Kiwi? I’m a big fan of many Kiwi musicians and actors in addition to you two, and I see a marked difference between Kiwi men and American men. Have you noticed these differences? I’m single, and I’m turned off by the loud bragging and frat-house mentality of most American men. What tips can you give our men to soften that up a bit and have them be more Kiwi? From Lisa.” Well, I would say the American men need to live in a society for 20 to 30 years where it’s frowned upon to promote yourself, and that’ll soon be taken care of. Also, don’t pronounce your vowels. Never admit to being good at anything. And don’t wear brand-new clothes. B: Just be more scruffy. Kiwis are scruffy. J: We’re a scruffy bunch. “Dear Bret and Jemaine, I’ve never been in love. What’s it like?” [pause] It’s nice. “Dear Conchords, I’ve been in a very committed, heavy relationship for the past five years. The one thing I’d like to improve in the relationship is the spontaneous romanticism. What can you suggest? Signed, Jenny S.” B: [laughing] It’s amazing how sincere all this stuff is. J: Well, the irony is, Jenny, that you’re asking us in advance how to be more spontaneous. B: Yeah, so just plan the spontaneity. J: What are some spontaneous things that you do, Bret? B: Well, one of my favorite spontaneous things that I do all the time... J: Regularly... B: That I do every week…um… J: Come on, man, you just need to finish that sentence. B: Is...take a walk. J: You know what, that’s something that I’m not very good at, spontaneity. And I think, relating to Lisa, that’s something that should be able to make her men more Kiwi-ish. Oh, and they can walk more. New Zealand men walk more. B: True. Walk more, talk less. J: More walk, less talk. So, spontaneity. B: Back to spontaneity. J: I really want to answer this one, ’cause she sounds like the spark’s gone. We’ve got to help this girl, Jenny S. B: Travel. That’s it. What you gotta do is get out of town. J: Yes, because random things are gonna happen. B: Or, I guess, just get out of your neighborhood. J: You’re pretty good at this Bret. B: Yeah. B

ON JEMAINE: SWEATER BY BILLY REID. ON BRET: SWEATER BY BILLY REID, PANTS BY MOSCHINO.

B: I’m interested already. But what could she say? J: Well, just “hello” would be a big start. There are a lot of nice guys that would get that. I feel like, if you’re a nice guy, even trying to pick up a woman seems sexist in itself. That you’re taking a position of power. B: Yeah. J: So it’d be good to talk to a nice guy. That’s probably enough, I’d say. B: Or you could drop your books in front of him. J: Brilliant. You could fake a cardiac arrest. “Dear Bret and Jemaine, When a guy breaks up with you and uses that line ‘You deserve better,’ does he really think that makes it hurt less?” B: Sad. J: That’s true, it is sad. [continues reading] “I’m apparently bordering on sainthood, ’cause the last three guys I really liked all ended up saying things like that. What am I supposed to do, stop being so awesome? Seriously, do guys think this makes things better?” B: Sounds like there’s something wrong with her. [laughs] Sounds like you’re trouble. [keeps laughing] J: Bret says. “Dear Bret and Jemaine, After watching your show obsessively, I now can’t get enough of men from New Zealand.” B: Whoa! J: [continues reading] “What is the best way for a lady to seduce a New Zealander into taking you out for a kebab? Is there a special technique for getting into a Kiwi’s heart?” This is from Sara. B: Well, deﬁnitely start by going to New Zealand to increase the ratio....

// BUST / 057

Oh Mother! BY KATHERINE JAMIESON // ILLUSTRATION BY SHANE HARRISON

In this surprising history of one of America’s most beloved holidays, we meet a woman who fought tirelessly for the establishment of Mother’s Day, then later fought just as hard to get rid of it HEN YOU THINK of Mother’s Day, bouquets of roses, perfume bottles, and pastel-colored cards with flowery script probably spring to mind. It’s hard to argue with a day designated to honor the one who gave you life, but the road to birthing Mother’s Day was far rockier than one would imagine. Its unlikely founder, an unwed, childless insurance clerk from West Virginia, spent almost a decade petitioning for the establishment of a day when children could thank their tireless, hardworking mothers, finally achieving her goal in 1914. But her triumph was short-lived. Ten years later, unhappy with what she saw as the bastardization and overcommercialization of her original intention, she devoted the rest of her life to the dissolution of the very holiday she had fought so hard to create, and her battle to defend her vision pitted her against suffragists, New York Governor Al Smith, Eleanor and Franklin Roosevelt, and even mothers themselves. Efforts to celebrate mothers in the U.S. actually began decades before an official holiday was finally established. In 1872, Julia Ward Howe, the famous author of The Battle Hymn of the Republic and a social crusader, was the first American woman to propose a day dedicated to the maternal bond and its potential to instill pacifism. Dubbing it the Mother’s Day for Peace, Howe envisioned a day to organize, pray, sing, and speak out against war. She wrote, “Arise, all women who have hearts, and say firmly: Our husbands shall not come to us, reeking with carnage, for caresses and ap-

plause. Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn all that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.” Not surprisingly, as the country was just gearing up for another century of carnage, Howe’s idea ﬂopped. Her husband threatened to divorce her, her own children told her to get out of the public eye, and even in Boston, her hometown and the only place where the holiday had achieved a foothold, she found herself largely covering the expenses for her annual peace rallies for mothers on her own. Another 35 years would pass before a second woman took up the Mother’s Day crusade. Anna Jarvis, the 10th of 13 (possibly 14) children, was inspired by the tireless work of her own mother, Ann Marie Reeves Jarvis. In 1860, Mrs. Jarvis had formed “Mother’s Day Work Clubs” to teach women sanitation methods to protect their children’s health. Refusing to take sides during the Civil War, Mrs. Jarvis and women in the clubs also helped nurse thousands of wounded Confederate and Union soldiers. After the war, Mrs. Jarvis again leveraged the theme of maternal care to promote peace in her divided community. She established a Mother’s Friendship Day and, according to Olive Crow-Dadisman, director of the Anna Jarvis House in Webster, WV, brought Civil War veterans together in a room and “got 5,000 angry men to put down their weapons and hug and kiss.” Despite all Mrs. Jarvis' extraordinary work outside the home, Anna also heard her mother speak passionately throughout her life about the need for a day of rest for every// BUST / 059

day mothers from their non-stop routine of childrearing, cooking, washing, and sewing. When her mother died, on May 9, 1905, the second Sunday in May, Jarvis vowed to make her dream a reality. At the service, Jarvis’ brother Claude heard her promise, “by the grace of God, you shall have that Mother’s Day.” But the road ahead would not be smooth; the idea of “women’s work” was far from appreciated in the early 1900s. “She was laughed out of places,” says Crow-Dadisman. “We have letters from men, saying, ‘I love my mother, but I don’t think she needs a day off.’” In 1907, Jarvis began her campaign for the establishment of Mother’s Day, writing hundreds of letters to businessmen, legislators, and executives across the country and around the world. She even bought the house next door to hers just to store her massive correspondence. But it wasn’t until she joined forces with John Wanamaker, the founder of Wanamaker’s department stores and now considered the father of modern advertising, that the movement took off. Though Wanamaker was credited in his time as a great philanthropist, his motivations for helping Jarvis are rather murky. Like Jarvis, he was a committed Christian, and he claimed this as his motivation for venerating mothers. But as a successful merchant and businessman, he must have also recognized the potential goldmine of another gift-giving day.

done. She also said it must be on the second Sunday in May, both to commemorate the anniversary of her mother’s death and to make it a “holy day,” not just a frivolous “holiday.” “She saw it as a home day, when you came back and paid homage to your mother,” says Katharine Antolini, a history lecturer at West Virginia Wesleyan College who is completing a doctoral thesis on Anna Jarvis. “Anna idolized motherhood in a way that only a woman without children could,” she says. “It was a very sentimental and childlike view. It was motherhood as the ultimate sacrifice.” Jarvis’ image of Mother’s Day, however, didn’t quite jibe with the goals of those engaged in the growing fight for women’s voting rights. In 1910, the suffragists were making more of a racket than ever, and the 19th Amendment was still 10 years away from being ratified. Jarvis herself initially dismissed the movement, prioritizing her campaign above all else (she later recognized the importance of the vote for women). And for some legislators, Mother’s Day presented a more desirable option than giving women a real voice in running the country. As Lois Rudnick, director of American Studies at the University of Massachusetts at Boston, commented in a 1991 Boston Globe article, Jarvis’ holiday appealed to many politicians because “enshrining a traditional view of motherhood was a way of mollifying some critics at a time

“We have letters from men, saying, ‘I love my mother, but I don’t think she needs a day off.’” In any case, his financial support and promotion proved crucial, and on May 10, 1908, he hosted a Mother’s Day service in the Wanamaker Store Auditorium in Philadelphia. That day, an overcapacity crowd of 15,000 listened to Jarvis’ 70-minute plea to bring Mother’s Day into existence. Jarvis also sent 500 white carnations, the flower she had chosen as a symbol, to mothers in the congregation of the Andrews Methodist Church back home in Grafton, WV—the same church where her mother had taught Sunday school for over 25 years—along with the following telegram to be read at the service, outlining the primary tenets of the day: “To revive the dormant filial love and gratitude we owe to those who gave us birth. To be a home tie for the absent. To obliterate family estrangement. To create a bond of brotherhood through the wearing of a floral badge. To make us better children by getting us closer to the hearts of our good mothers. To brighten the lives of good mothers. To have them know we appreciate them, though we do not show it as often as we ought...Mother’s Day is to remind us of our duty before it is too late.” Jarvis’ passion was not in vain: the next year, 45 states, Mexico, and Canada observed Mother’s Day. From the beginning, Jarvis’ conception of the day was unwavering. She envisioned an intimate day for every mother’s child to express deep love and fidelity, a kind of once-a-year communion with your mom. And she was insistent about the placement of the apostrophe in the name: her vision was a singular Mother’s Day—not Mothers’ Day— honoring the individual, not the practice of mothering. It was not about uniting with mothers as a whole or using motherhood as a springboard for political action or change, as her mother had 060 / BUST // APR/MAY

when women were asking for more than a maudlin moment of memory.” As Americans fought over the role women would play in governing the country, the Mother’s Day celebration became both a token concession and a decoy for true power. Jarvis’ crusade gained steam when William E. Glasscock, governor of WV, proclaimed on April 26, 1910 that “Mothers’ Day” be celebrated henceforth in the state, to commemorate, “the noblest, sweetest, and best of all God’s creatures.” An article in the May 7, 1910 edition of the Palestine Daily Herald of Palestine, TX, noted that Jarvis’ movement had grown with “remarkable rapidity” and expressed hope that it become an “international festival date, observed by christians [sic] the world over and possibly by Moslem and heathen—for it is the one subject on which mankind can unite in common reverence.” In 1912, Jarvis incorporated The Mother’s Day International Association, which was headquartered in her home in Philadelphia. Two years later, on May 8, 1914, Jarvis sat triumphantly in the House gallery when Congress issued H.J. Resolution 263 calling for the second Sunday in May to be designated as Mother’s Day. President Woodrow Wilson signed the Resolution, stating, “The American mother is the greatest source of our country’s strength and inspiration.” After seven years of perseverance, Jarvis’ struggle had ﬁnally been vindicated. If the story ended here, it would be worthy of the millions of schmaltzy Mother’s Day cards sent each year. But Jarvis’ choice to accept support from Wanamaker, and perhaps her own naïveté about the power of commercialism, made the next several years an unpleasant reality check. No sooner had the ink from Wilson’s

signature dried than every American business was clamoring for a nor Roosevelt for backing a Mother’s Day tribute. piece of the Mother’s Day pie. According to Crow-Dadisman, Jarvis Jarvis spent the last of her years and her substantial family was initially tolerant of practical gifts for mothers, particularly those inheritance persevering in this countercrusade. By the 1930s, she that would provide rest and comfort, like chairs and mattresses. But had earned herself quite a reputation and made enemies from all soon enough, the card, florist, and candy industries swooped in, sectors of society, so it’s no surprise that stories written about her and Jarvis had no tolerance for their profiteering. It was war. during this period tend toward defamation. The New York Times Now in her 50s, Jarvis rapidly retooled, and with a gusto rivaled printed rumors that she had secluded herself inside a three-story only by her own efforts to found the holiday, she set about trying brick town house that could be entered only after a secret knock, to nullify it. Less than a decade after the holiday’s recognition, in but Jarvis denied these stories. In fact, she had taken to the streets 1923, she was clashing with New York Governor Al Smith for failing once again, this time going door-to-door canvassing and asking for to gain official authorization from her Mother’s Day International signatures for a petition to rescind Mother’s Day. “If the American Association for his proposed Mother’s Day Celebration to benefit people are not willing to protect Mother’s Day from the hordes of handicapped children. Claiming they were in trademark violation money-schemers that would overwhelm it with their schemes,” she and had price-gouged the event’s carnations, she threatened a lawvowed on behalf of her Mother’s Day International Association, suit against him, as well as the mayor, a U.S. senator, two right rev“then we shall cease having a Mother’s Day—and we know how.” erends, and the police commissioner. The event was called off. That But Mother’s Day had long since been adopted by American same year, Jarvis targeted candy makers with a similar vengeance. capitalism, and there was nothing Jarvis, or anyone else, could do “Mother’s Day was not intended to be a source of commercial to stop that now. Her health failing, she was put in the Marshall profit,” she ranted to the assembled membership of the Associated Square Sanitarium in West Chester, PA, in 1944, the bill for which Retail Confectioners in Philadelphia, prompting the conventioneers was footed in part, unbeknownst to her, by a group called the to recess in order to cut her polemic short. Floral Exchange. This fact is usually touted as the crowning irony to From then on, Jarvis became a quirky public figure, famous for Jarvis’ life, that the very merchants she first made wealthy and then her outbursts, scathing editorials, and willingness to go after any turned against were the ones to feed and clothe her in old age. But perceived enemy to the authentic spirit of Mother’s Day, no matter Crow-Dadisman sees it otherwise, arguing that it was not generoshow large or small. According to Antolini, part of Jarvis’ frustration ity but self-interest that prompted the floral industry’s support. Citarose from the fact that she expected to control the commercializaing records from the sanitarium, she says that Jarvis was not insane tion of Mother’s Day, and she was outraged when she could not. but “crushed” by seeing her life’s work turned against her, and the She considered Mother’s Day her legal and intellectual property florists just wanted to get her out of the public eye. Jarvis’ death, in 1948 at age 84, was attributed to congestive heart failure, but and trademarked the emblem of the white carnation, the words Crow-Dadisman speculates that it was actually a “broken heart.” Mother’s Day, and the phrase second Sunday in May. But as soon It's hard to say whether Jarvis can be considered a feminist. She as the day became recognized nationally, the legal trademark began to slip from her grasp, and, in her words, “antimother propa- certainly never thought of herself as one. Both a pioneer in identifying the great contributions of women’s labor to society and an unwitgandists” burst onto the scene. Jarvis would spend the rest of her life battling “the charlatans, bandits, pirates, racketeers, kidnappers, ting pawn of the antisuffragist movement, she was more concerned with intellectual property rights than the political ramifications of and other termites that would undermine with their greed one of her holiday. Yet, paradoxically, she also stands as an example of the the finest, noblest, and truest movements and celebrations.” lasting impact of an independent woman, though it took her years Even the children trying to honor their mothers were not exto recognize the significance of the vote. Her rejection of the comempt from Jarvis’ diatribes: “A printed card means nothing except mercialization of Mother’s Day is one of the first and most powerful that you are too lazy to write to the woman who has done more for examples of an individual going head to head with modern corporayou than anyone in the world. And candy! You take a box to Mother—and then eat most of it yourself. A pretty sentiment!” Over time, tions, and foreshadows later losing battles to protect human relationships and rituals from commodification. The ultimate irony, which her position and actions became more extreme. Going up against the mothers she had originally intended to honor as part of her new Jarvis never publicly acknowledged, was that she was able to pursue her cause with such vigor because she had personally rejected the cause, Jarvis quarreled with the American War Mothers when they traditional ideals she claimed to hold so dear. Unhindered by children held their own celebration. After breaking up a rally of a group sellor a husband and financially independent, Jarvis was free to loudly ing carnations in 1932, she was dragged off by the police to a brief express her radical, unpopular views, public opinion be damned. stay in jail. And to protest the flower industry’s exploitation of the Regardless of Jarvis’ considerable conflicts over commercial holiday, she suggested that people wear celluloid buttons of carnarights and the bastardization of her true vision, one thing is certions instead and made them available free, from her association. tain: Mother’s Day lives on. It’s the second-highest gift-giving Jarvis’ relationship to other influential women of the time was furholiday after Christmas, a peak day for long-distance phone calls, ther compromised by her fanatical take on intellectual property. She and the busiest day of the year for many restaurants. According to never mentioned Howe by name or recognized her when speaking Hallmark, 96 percent of American consumers take part in Mother’s or writing on the history of Mother’s Day, and she flat-out denied the Day. And in her day, even childless, Anna Jarvis was not exempt existence of “Mother’s Peace Day.” When Frances Perkins and other from the burgeoning celebration: each year until her death, she leading feminists attempted to use Mother’s Day to promote social received thousands of Mother’s Day cards. B causes, she criticized them harshly. In 1931, she even went after Elea// BUST / 061

KhanArtist Bat for Lashes’ striking star sits down to gab about boys, clothes, making an album, and making babies BY VICTORIA WOODCOCK PHOTOS BY GUY AROCH STYLING BY PRISCILLA POLLEY HAIR BY WESLEY O‘MEARA MAKEUP BY NICOLE HEFFRON

ONESIE BY JEN KAO, WWW.JENKAO.COM; GOLD METALLIC SWIMWEAR BY NORMA KAMALI, WWW. NORMAKAMALICOLLECTION.COM; TACHE CHAIN TRICOLOR-HAIR NECKLACE BY BIJULES, WWW. BIJULESNYC.COM; GOLD CHUNK NECKLACE BY MCTEGA, WWW.MCTEGA.COM; GOLD PENDANTS NECKLACE, NATASHA’S OWN.

// BUST / 063

SWIMWEAR BY KSUBI, WWW.KSUBI.COM; SHORTS BY QUAIL, WWW.QISFORQUAIL. COM; HAT, BELT, GOLD PENDANTS NECKLACE, NATASHA’S OWN; BLUE-GREEN HAIRRING BY BIJULES; PLAZA LETTER NECKLACE BY LULU FROST, WWW.LULUFROST.COM.

064 / BUST // FEB/MAR

N STAGE, NATASHA Khan’s face sparkles with colorful glitter, and her sequined headband is strung with feathers that sway as she pounds on her keyboard, shreds on guitar, shakes a tambourine, or simply strikes a large wooden staff against the ﬂoor to create a sparse, reverberating beat. Her jawdropping beauty and powerful presence are captivating, but it’s when she opens her mouth to sing in her hauntingly beautiful voice that it becomes obvious why the 29year-old has achieved such critical acclaim. Under the moniker Bat for Lashes, Khan creates music with a mystical edge, spinning tales about wizards and spirit animals, with spooky instrumental swells and electronic beats that send shivers down your spine. In 2006, Bat for Lashes’ debut release, Fur and Gold, introduced Khan’s enchantingly offbeat pop to the world and garnered her welldeserved comparisons to iconic artists like PJ Harvey and Kate Bush. Considering that she penned the album in her bedroom while working as a nursery-school teacher makes its instant success all the more impressive. Not only is Khan an awesome musician, but she also has a quirky, new-wave hippie look that has thrust her into the fashion limelight—she gets as much attention from style magazines as she does from music rags. Like the sartorial love child of Stevie Nicks and Björk, Khan rocks eccentric headgear (ranging from fabric bands to feathered headdresses), vibrant layers of clothing, and shimmering makeup in a way that’s inspired savvy dressers everywhere, even helping to launch the ubiquitous headband craze. With Bat for Lashes’ highly anticipated follow-up, Two Suns, coming out on Astralwerks in early April, Khan is set to steal the scene again, this time introducing Pearl, her reckless blond bombshell of an alter ego, through songs that touch on the negative, conﬂicting emotions she embodies. Half Pakistani and half British, Khan experienced an “idyllic childhood” in rural Hertfordshire, U.K., which was spent playing “endless games and reading fairytales and Roald Dahl books,” she tells me. Now based in Brighton, on the coast of England an hour outside of London, she channels her stillvibrant imagination into her lyrics and look. When I meet the tall and willowy Khan, in a

him. There are a lot of songs written prior to going out there, when I was really longing [to be with him], and then when I was there, the Pearl songs started coming out because it wasn’t really going according to plan. So Pearl is your alter ego on the album? There is a lot of debauchery, drinking, and fucked-up people in New York, and I think Pearl came out of trying to relate to those people. She’s a bit of a drunk, a deluded, fragile-minded person, and that is what I felt like. Dressing up as her was really unconscious. Everyone thinks, “Oh, alter ego,” like it’s so pretentious, but it wasn’t as if I wanted to explore another personality; it felt more playful. What are you working on now? At the moment, I’m making artwork. Last The songs are quite intense about how night I was up drawing until really late, mak- evil Pearl is. Do you feel that Pearl is still part of you? ing an illustrated collage to go inside the I feel like she is still there, but I want her to special edition of the album. be more subterranean now. In our culture, How important would you say the visual there is a thing, especially for women, about side of Two Suns is? being nice or submissive. Then there is When I’m writing songs, I see very strong visual images. It’s very cinematic. For exam- also the opposite—powerful, strong-willed, ple, the song “Daniel” I see as the time of “don’t fuck with me” women. So it was interday when the sun is really low, and you’re in esting to explore both my desire to be an a car with all your friends and you put your amazing girlfriend who will do anything and be smiley and sweet all the time, and what head out the window and it smells of pine trees. It’s kissing pretty boys, Halloween comes out of that repression, an explosion cozy Brighton café on a freezing day in January, she is in off-duty dress: black skinny jeans tucked into vintage boots, and a hooded black lace top over a white vest. Barefaced, bar a smudge of gold eye shadow, with her on-stage theatrics pushed ﬁrmly to one side, Khan leans in close to chat. She’s instantly likable—sincere and open, charming and funny. She speaks softly, spontaneously breaking into infectious laughter, different accents, or a spot of air-guitar. Though she talks about cosmic connections, she seems totally down-to-earth, and one thing’s for sure: Khan’s star is deﬁnitely rising.

“It was interesting to explore both my desire to be an amazing girlfriend who will do anything and be smiley and sweet all the time, and what comes out of that repression.” parties. On this album, there are two major landscapes—the desert and New York. I was struggling between the city and nature. Spending a lot of time in New York, I was going a bit mental, so I would escape to the [California] desert. You live in Brighton at the moment. Why did you write Two Suns in the U.S.? Throughout the whole process of this album, I was going back and forth for work but also to be with my boyfriend of the last three years, who I am not with anymore. There is a lot of heartbreak on the record, about separation, and I ended up packing up everything and moving to New York to live with

of something far more destructive. Like what we see in cool road movies such as Wild at Heart—reckless, wild, off-the-rails women. I think that dichotomy is fascinating—that you can be both; [you can have] absolute opposites in one body. After the huge success of Fur and Gold, how did you approach making the second album? It was actually quite different, because the last one I wrote mostly in my bedroom while being a nursery-school teacher, and this one I wrote while living in two different countries, touring, being heartbroken. But vocally, I feel this album is stronger, and I also co// BUST / 065

produced it. I was much more conﬁdent and had a much stronger idea of what I wanted. The ﬁrst one is almost like a beautiful dream that I captured in a bubble. This one is more like a big rock that I had to chip away at to get to this gorgeous dark emerald inside— it’s sharp on some edges, and it was hard work, but it’s beautiful. Connectivity and spirituality are a big part of your imagery. How do these ideas come into your day-to-day life? I think living by the sea is really important. There is constantly a battle between individualism and connectivity—being isolated in a human body but also knowing that you are connected to all living things. When you fall in love or you create something, or when you make babies, it is always through the desire to bond with someone. I think the desire to merge is so overwhelming sometimes that it is painful to be in your separate body. You mentioned making babies. Do you want to have kids? I really want to have babies. I think I am quite maternal. I’m 29 now, and I think it will hap-

pen in the next five years, but I don’t feel like was one of the first records I bought. My running around grabbing a man and being mum was into Blondie and Donna Summer, like, “Impregnate me! I want your sperm!” and we would sing Fleetwood Mac songs. When your first album came out, it made Stevie Nicks is the coolest thing ever! When you a fashion icon. I was writing “Daniel,” I was thinking about Yeah, I don’t know why! When I did my first Daniel from The Karate Kid and, you know, photo shoot, I just thought, “What is the running in the night and dancing like that! stupidest thing that I can do? I know, I’ll [pushes the air with her hands] I just wantwear an ice-skating costume in a boxing ed to play that kind of guitar—like Bruce ring, and I want lots of feathers.” I was just Springsteen-y—and really rock out! being spontaneous, and then people were “Daniel” is about a teenage crush. What like, “Oh, wow! Who styled that?” I think were you like as a teenager? the key is not to care. Well, I wasn’t very pretty. I really blossomed And now there are girls everywhere wear- a bit later in life. I think I have got better in ing headbands. my late 20s—I don’t know how that hapHow funny! It is a bit of a bummer, be- pened! When I was younger, my nose grew cause I love wearing head things but before the rest of my face. I looked really now I refuse to. It is just “so last season!” awkward and gangly, but I made up for that [laughs] No, I’m trying to think of other by being funny, so I had some really goodways to be creative. I’m really into hoods looking boyfriends. I was absolutely in love at the moment—Virgin Mary, Mexican Day with Kurt Cobain and thought I was going to of the Dead–style things. marry him. I wore ripped jeans, with my bum There are a lot of ’80s references on your cheeks hanging out, big jumpers, and red new album. You were a kid during that lipstick. I was really grungy. And I got susdecade. What influenced you then? pended from school for just being a nightI love the ’80s. Madonna’s album True Blue mare! I was a real rebel. B

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DIAMOND WOVEN NECKLACES BY ALYSSA NORTON; CAPE BY HENGST, WWW. HOUSEOFHENGST.COM; TIGER-PRINT TUNIC BY ALEXANDER MCQUEEN FOR TARGET, WWW. TARGET.COM; LEGGINGS BY ALTERNATIVE APPAREL, WWW.ALTERNATIVEAPPAREL.COM; HAIRRING BY BIJULES; RINGS AND GOLD PENDANTS NECKLACE, NATASHA’S OWN.

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AMELIA CAMISOLE BY FREMONT; “IN THE CHIPS” NECKLACE BY THEA GRANT.

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ONESIE BY JEN KAO; GOLD METALLIC SWIMWEAR BY NORMA KAMALI; TACHE CHAIN TRICOLOR-HAIR NECKLACE BY BIJULES; GOLD CHUNK NECKLACE BY MCTEGA; RING AND GOLD PENDANTS NECKLACE, NATASHA’S OWN; GLOVES BY LACRASIA, WWW.LACRASIA.COM; GLORY BOOTIE BY K* SHOES, WWW.KEIKOHOLIC.COM. STYLIST'S ASSISTANT: TARA MARKS.

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the bust guide

MUSIC

AKRON/FAMILY Set ’Em Wild, Set ’Em Free (Dead Oceans) Describing Brooklyn-based Akron/Family is a bit like trying to sum up the plot of a David Lynch film: it’s best to just experience it for yourself. Notorious for their unforgettable live performances—one show I caught included a decorative maypole, Indian headdresses, and a rabble-rousing sing-along outside of the venue—the boys have created another gloriously eclectic production with Set ’Em Wild, Set ’Em Free. Funky bass beats, fuzzy drones, and catchy ’70s rock rhythms are sprinkled throughout tracks like “Everyone Is Guilty” and “MBF.” On the slower side, “River” and the title track showcase gorgeous vocal harmonies alongside sweet guitar melodies, flute, and strings. Experimental folk, psych, and freak rock are all genres that can describe Set ’Em Wild, but none are adequate. Only once you stop trying to figure out what category this album might fit into can you truly discover and appreciate the sound Akron/Family creates. [DAWN MAUBERRET]

DAN AUERBACH Keep It Hid (Nonesuch) 2008 was a banner year for the Black Keys; the Ohio blues-rock duo saw its proﬁle and creative horizon expand, due to a timely collaboration with ultrahip producer Danger Mouse on Attack and Release. Never one to sit idly, Keys singer/ guitarist Dan Auerbach is keeping the hot streak alive with his solo debut, Keep It Hid. Partially because it was recorded in Auerbach’s new analog studio, the album hums with the warmth of Memphis blues and lo-ﬁ garage rock. Instead of pretending his main gig doesn’t exist, Auerbach plays into some corners of the Keys’ sound, which are normally unexplored. Album opener “Trouble Weighs a Ton” sets a quiet, pastoral tone with acoustic strumming and high, lonesome vocals, but the feel of the record is closer to its second track, the sweaty, keyboard-lubed “I Want Some More,” and the strutting fuzz of “The Prowl.” [TOM FORGET]

neko case MIDDLE CYCLONE (ANTI) FOR SONGSTRESS NEKO CASE, love ain’t grand, and it’s certainly no fairy tale. Middle Cyclone, her long-awaited follow-up to 2006’s stunner Fox Confessor Brings the Flood, confronts love, only to deconstruct it. Without a heavy heart, Case ﬁnds a beautiful strength in her understanding that love exists in countless ways. Joining Case on this journey are some of her fellow New Pornographers bandmates, M. Ward, the Lilys, Los Lobos, Calexico, and the Sadies. From the string-laden ethereal quality of “The Next Time You Say Forever” and her luminous rendition of the Sparks classic “Never Turn Your Back on Mother Earth” to her prowling harmonies on “Prison Girls,” Middle Cyclone is as wild as the title infers. “Yes, there are things I am still so afraid of/But my courage is roaring like the sound of the sun,” Case howls on “I’m an Animal,” musing on the ﬂawed soul that lies within all of us. True, love’s not always grand, but with that irreplaceable voice and its gorgeous country twinge, Neko Case makes us all believers once again. Welcome to the storm. [MACKENZIE WILSON] // BUST / 071

the guide MUSIC BLACK LIPS 200 Million Thousand (Vice) Atlanta’s anarchic Black Lips clawed its way to the top of the garage-rock heap with an insane live show and a series of albums that swam in a toxic swamp of early Stones bravado, Velvet Underground darkness, and hotshot punk energy. The Lips’ ﬁfth studio album, 200 Million Thousand, doesn’t mess with success but notably takes a step back into the murkier waters from whence the group came after their comparatively clean previous release, Good Bad Not Evil. Muck-encrusted songs like “Big Black Baby Jesus of Today,” with a sound likened to the Animals playing in a waste dump, and the broken ’50s sock-hop sweat of “Drugs” are what you’d expect, though small stabs at experimentation abound. The foggy trip-hop touches of “The Drop I Hold” and the vaguely Eastern lilt of “Old Man” hint at some growth, but the boys behind Black Lips are too smart to stray too far from the glorious lo-ﬁ wreck they are. [TOM FORGET]

BONNIE ‘PRINCE’ BILLY Beware (Drag City) I See a Darkness, Will Oldham’s ﬁrst record under the moniker Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy, was a sort of punk/rock/country mash-up with overwrought lyrics and brooding country instrumentals. Since then, Oldham has crafted Bonnie into a countrymusic cult legend. His latest, Beware, is his most mellow and heartwarming release yet—though the music is more robust, the lyrics are quite tame. “You Don’t Love Me” ﬂoats in an expected drunken irreverence but remains sunnysweet, while “I Won’t Ask Again” has a standard slow-dance-in-cowboy-boots feel, requisite of any country star’s repertoire. The same can be said for the sullen, honky-tonk “I Don’t Belong to Anyone,” which explores growing old alone, with a tinge of regret. With so much in his catalog, it’s impressive that Oldham can still craft new sounds, even if they are on the quieter side. [CHRIS STIEGLER] 072 / BUST // APR/MAY

GABRIELLA CILMI Lessons To Be Learned (Universal) Young in age and big in pipes, 17-year-old Aussie Gabriella Cilmi is the latest imported pop/soul stylist (think Adele, Duffy, Joss Stone, Amy Winehouse) to take her musical cues from iconic American acts like the Supremes and the Ronettes. On her energetic U.S. debut, Cilmi adds some Swinging London beats into the mix, and though the throwback vibe might be a tad trendy, she often hits the mark. Both “Awkward Game” and “Einstein” are atmospheric and bluesy, while the single “Sweet About Me” is souped-up girl group a-go-go. There’s no denying Cilmi has the singing and songwriting chops; what’s missing is the emotional depth and maturity that come with the sonic landscape she attempts to mine. Lessons To Be Learned is aptly named, because it features moments when Cilmi comes off like a kid trying on her mother’s clothes. [AMY LINDEN]

MELORA CREAGER Melora a la Basilica (Filthy Bonnet) A must-have for superfans of Rasputina (the spooky chamber-rock ensemble helmed by eccentric cellist Melora Creager), this limited-edition solo release features pared-down revisions of her band’s classic tracks, alongside a few kooky covers. Performed live by Creager and “second chair” cellist Daniel De Jesus in “a behemoth of a defunct glue factory,” each song reverberates in the hollow space with delicate, nonproduced beauty. Most surprising, however, is the effect De Jesus’ male harmonies have on Creager’s Tom Petty cover, “American Girl”; the Sweeney Todd doubleheader, “Green Finch/Johanna”; and Rasputina classic, “Rose K.” For followers of Creager’s main project, this jolt of vocal testosterone to her plaintive refrains may come as a surprise. However, De Jesus is one of the newest members of Rasputina’s ever-changing stable of supporting musicians, and his precious pipes will have you hoping Creager keeps him around for a while. Sold in a metal tin with a numbered certiﬁcate and elabo-

rate liner notes, Melora a la Basilica is being produced only in a batch of 1,000, available exclusively online from the band’s Web store, Rasputina.shop. musictoday.com. Snap one up before they’re all gone! [EMILY REMS]

ALELA DIANE To Be Still (Rough Trade) A native of the freespirited, natureloving Nevada City, CA, scene that fostered the early career of Joanna Newsom, Alela Diane exempliﬁes a singularly West Coast perspective and lifestyle. The contemplative, acousticdriven songs on her sophomore effort, To Be Still, are the sweetly subtle fruit of long stretches of isolated cabin dwelling in Redwood territory. The album’s insular country rock has nothing in common with the radio-friendly music of pop-centric Nashville, and each track on the album is organic and lovingly crafted, denoting maturation after the bare-bones arrangements of her ﬁrst release, The Pirate’s Gospel. Diane partially recorded the album in her father’s studio, and the mini-orchestra of backing instruments and harmony vocals never outshine her composed-yetemotive voice, which swoons, swoops, and trills, sharing the mournful timbre of the violin on “White As Diamonds” and matching the slow dive of the title track. Deliciously cryptic story-songs (“The Alder Trees,” “Lady Divine”) abound, and love and loss mesh with odes to nature (“Dry Grass and Shadows,” “Every Path”) that speak of a soul whose musical motives are as crystal clear and refreshingly distinctive as her pretty voice. [DEVIN ESTLIN]

JULIE DOIRON I Can Wonder What You Did With Your Day (Jagjaguwar) When Julie Doiron decided to reunite with former bandmate Rick White— from ’90s alt-rock band Eric’s Trip—any expectations for an album similar to her previous well-crafted, acoustic solo records were squelched with a rockin’ stomp. With White in tow, I Can Wonder What You Did With Your Day careens between blistering rock and whittleddown folk. “Life of Dreams” features

bare melodies plucked on a single guitar as Doiron sings about comfy beds and good people in her rich, tremulous alto. “Spill Yer Lungs,” on the other hand, showcases her confessional, intimate lyrics over crunchy, growling bass lines and walls of distortion. Yet the best of the bunch, like “Tailor” and “When Brakes Get Wet,” crackle with noisy, loﬁ intensity, while managing to capture those plaintive, evocative lyrics and that golden voice fans have come to expect from Doiron. In the end, I Can Wonder ﬁnds a delicate balance between fuzz and folk. [MICHAELA BRANGAN]

MARIANNE FAITHFULL Easy Come, Easy Go (Decca) The grand dame of rock ‘n’ roll is back with another collaboration with famed record producer Hal Willner. After first hooking up on Lost in the Stars (1985) and then on the classic pop/jazz covers album Strange Weather (1987), the pair keeps the covers tradition alive on Easy Come, Easy Go, which features a song selection from many contemporary writers, duet partners, and musicians. Notable tracks include Dolly Parton’s “Down from Dover,” a heartbreaking story fit for Faithfull’s dramatic vocal delivery; a rockin’ version of Neko Case’s “Hold On, Hold On,” featuring Chan Marshall (aka Cat Power) and Sean Lennon; and Billie Holiday’s “Solitude.” Always one with her finger on the pulse of who’s cool, Faithfull brilliantly covers Espers’ “Children of Stone,” though my fave track is her duet with Antony Hegarty—who may be her best singing partner since David Bowie—on Smokey Robinson’s “Ooo Baby Baby.” The band ensemble here is smokin’, and old pro Willner knows just how to accentuate Faithfull’s unmistakable vocal rasp. [MICHAEL LEVINE]

FEVER RAY Self-titled (Mute) Karin Dreijer Andersson has a serious case of the Midas touch. First, she showcased her talent as one-half of creepy electro-pop duo the Knife. Then came her goosebump-worthy collabs with ambient producers Royksopp. Now, under the moniker Fever Ray, her

the guide MUSIC solo debut is so beautifully hypnotic, I listened to it four times in a row before realizing it was on repeat. This is Swedish electro at its most minimal, all haunting vocals and sparse melodies. Uberdark tracks like “If I Had a Heart” and “Concrete Walls” could be outtakes from the Knife’s Silent Shout, but it’s the addition of upbeat moments, like the Björk-ish dance epic “Seven,” that make Fever Ray so irresistible. Here, childlike lyrics with pitch-shifted vocals and way spooky sounds create something totally effed up—and completely perfect. [MOLLIE WELLS]

HANDSOME FURS Face Control (Sub Pop) Handsome Furs, the indie-rock side

project of Wolf Parade guitarist Dan Boeckner and his wife, Alexei Perry, has developed its trademark minimalist sound by employing not a drummer but a drum machine to keep the beat. The Furs’ sophomore effort, Face Control, pulses in its entirety with elementary machine beats your kid brother could’ve crafted in ’85 on a Casio keyboard—and it’s infectious. Boeckner’s powerful vocal swagger and devastating guitar licks, with Perry’s thick synths, create a cool, controlled ambience. “I’m Confused” has enough gusto to ﬁll a dance ﬂoor, while “Passport Kontrol” gives krautrock a twitchy nod. Conversely, “Talking Hotel Arbat Blues” sounds like Bruce Springsteen by way of Arcade Fire, with its rumbling guitar, echoed vocals, and shiny keys. Closing track “Radio Kalininbrad” is a

{cool ep alert}

gorgeous electro ballad, and by the album’s end, you’ll be hard-pressed not to fall for the Furs—corny backbeats and all. [SARA GRAHAM]

HERE WE GO MAGIC Self-titled (Western Vinyl) Genre-bending singer/songwriter Luke Temple’s first two albums garnered critical praise from some of indie rock’s elder statesmen, like Death Cab for Cutie’s Ben Gibbard and Sufjan Stevens; his voice alone is worth the hype. Temple’s brand of bedroom atmospherics is marketed perfectly for his latest record, selftitled under his new moniker, Here We Go Magic (which, as far as I can tell, has nothing to do with David Copperfield, Orlando, or Mr. Johnson). The lo-fi masterpiece was recorded on a four-track in his Brooklyn apartment, and from the opening strains of woozy “Only Pieces,” it’s clear Temple has worn out his copy of Paul Simon’s Rhythm of the Saints—and MGMT’s “Electric Feel”— while floating through a tunnel of free love. The pulsing rhythms, kaleidoscopic krautrock, and underwater instrumentals only get trippier from there. Call it Graceland, Memphis, in Greenpoint, Brooklyn—it’s every bit as transcendent. [DYLAN STABLEFORD]

JUNIOR BOYS Begone Dull Care (Domino)

FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE 4 Song EP (IAMSOUND) WITH ONLY A four-song EP, Florence and the Machine, aka Florence Welch (“the Machine” is a rotating cast of musicians and surrounding hype), was given the Critic’s Choice honor at The Brit Awards, taking the crown from fellow South Londoner Adele. A former punk rocker and artschool dropout, Welch is seemingly ready to fill the hole left by recently sedate Brit bad girls Lily Allen and Amy Winehouse. Though Welch’s voice is soulful, it’s her penchant for style and arty psych-out music videos that really shine; the video for “Dog Days Are Over” showcases Florence surrounded by creepy clowns as she sweetly repeats the titular line over a bass drum beat, before joining them in glee. In “Kiss With a Fist,” she jams through the sadomasochistic lyrics, “You smashed a plate over my head/I set fire to our bed,” proving she’s got the fighting words down pat. But without the pop royalty status of Allen, the stamina of Winehouse, or the humbleness of Adele, Welch has her work cut out for her. Here’s hoping she doesn’t get eaten by “the Machine.” [MARY-LOUISE PRICE] 074 / BUST // APR/MAY

The third album from Canadian electro duo Jeremy Greenspan and Matthew Didemus, aka Junior Boys, will not surprise fans. Airy, longing lyrics and tight, polished beats are prevalent as ever, and the transitions between tracks and tempos are impressive as always. “Parallel Lines” and “Work” set a mellow atmosphere to chill out to before seamlessly taking you into “Bits and Pieces,” which makes you want to grind on a hot boy in a dark room. Junior Boys’ strength is in the editing and mastering of their sound, and Begone Dull Care (a name inspired by animator Norman McLaren who is known for his technical cachet) is no exception. Bottom line: If Kraftwerk, David Bowie, and Justin Timberlake made studio love, this just might be their baby. [CATHERINE WEISNEWSKI]

IDA MARIA Fortress Round My Heart (Waterfall) With very little frills and some hard-hitting girl balls, Sweden-based rocker Ida Maria has barreled her way into the hearts of U.K. listeners and is working her way west. Her debut album, Fortress Round My Heart, is packed with energetic, catchy rock anthems that have wide-reaching appeal. Following the classic guitar-driven poprock formula that’s worked for so many bands, such as Bloc Party and Kings of Leon, the songs are not revolutionary— repetition, cheesy breakdowns, and massive choral buildups abound. Maria’s raw voice, which oozes with passion and cracks at just the right moments, recalls PJ Harvey and Chrissie Hynde. In the climax of standout track “Oh My God,” Maria lets out a wild, scratchy “Oh, Mah, Gah-hod!” and it’s somehow pained, triumphant, and infectious all at once—isn’t that the underlying thesis of every great rock song? Proving she has versatility, the album offers a few girly ballads too, like “Keep Me Warm,” where her vocals become unexpectedly milky and soothing. [ERIN GRIFFITH]

METRIC Fantasies (Self-released) Fantasies, Metric’s fourth outing and ﬁrst self-released album, ﬁnds songstress Emily Haines and her bandmates sifting through their various musical identities to piece together what Haines has referred to as the “fragmentation of my existence.” After nearly three years of living apart and pursuing side projects—the Soft Skeleton for Haines, a new recording studio for guitarist Jimmy Shaw, and garage-rock offshoot Bang Lime for bassist Joshua Winstead and drummer Joules Scott-Key—the synthy charisma of these songs sounds exactly like a unifying of some pretty complex appendages. From the wary, industrial stutter of “Help, I’m Alive” to the chase suspense of “Sick Muse” and the crashing anthemic stomp of “Stadium Love,” every hook keeps you guessing, listening for the next shifty guitar line or surprising vocal swell under all the shimmering, dancey beats. Fantasies is a grand evolution from everything Metric has done before. [ANDREA BUSSELL]

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the guide

MUSIC {INTERVIEW}

not so grimy LADY SOVEREIGN’S NEW ALBUM WILL GET YOU DANCING

IN 2005, PINT-SIZED British rapper Lady Sovereign (née Louise Harman) became the first non-American woman to sign to Def Jam, when she scored a record deal after freestyling for Jay-Z. Her debut album, Public Warning, was a bona fide hit, introducing grime (a combination of London-based garage, dancehall, and hip-hop) to a whole new audience. But while her unapologetic single “Love Me or Hate Me” climbed the charts, Lady Sov found herself having to apologize for her behavior. She developed a reputation for being difficult, missing interviews, and storming off stage mid-performance. Soon after, the self-proclaimed “biggest midget in the game” disappeared from the limelight. Tired of the endless promotion a major label required, she walked from Def Jam to start Midget Records, so she could do things her way for Jigsaw, her sophomore album, which drops in early April. This time around, her sound is slightly less grime-driven but still has the heavy beats you’d expect, plus a splash of singing from Lady Sov herself. The lyrics are honest and funny, just as she was when I caught up with the 23-year-old via phone at her dad’s house in London, where she’s been crashing to avoid paying rent. You have your own label now. How’d that come about? It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, so I just went for it. Obviously I got help; EMI is distributing [the album], but I have full creative control. I wouldn’t sign to a major again. I don’t think it’s the way to go these days; it’d be a waste. What do you mean by that? They spend so much money, and you don’t really see any of it. Now I get to call my own shots. Before, I didn’t get any chances to get in the studio and make music; I was just constantly doing promo. I don’t mind it, but when I have to repeat myself about the same song, it gets old. I really like the track “So Human” [on Jigsaw]. What inspired the lyrics? It’s loosely based on the pressure of things, really. You know, I’m a human being. I have my ups and downs. Don’t judge me or tell me off for it. It’s my life, basically. I heard you wore an Adidas tracksuit to your sister’s wedding. I did. I think the pics are on my sister’s Facebook. I was the bridesmaid. Everyone looked at me like, “What the fuck?” but people know I’m not gonna wear a dress, whether it’s a wed076 / BUST // APR/MAY

ding or a funeral. It was white denim and gold. But I think the sneakers killed it—they were a bit dirty. What do you do in your downtime? I find it hard to have a hobby, ’cause my main distraction—well, it’s not a distraction, because I love it—is making music. I don’t really do much else but hang out with friends and get banned from pubs. I just got banned from two in one night. I climbed on the pub roof and did a rendition of Romeo and Juliet. Then, when I tried to climb down, I grabbed the entrance sign, swung on it, and it fell off. And then you got banned somewhere else? Yeah, for getting into a fight. I’ve got a big black eye, a bruised lip, and a cut on my head at the moment. What was the fight over? You know, I don’t know. I really don’t know. [laughs] I actually saw you once at a club. You got really pissed off and kicked a table over, then threw a bottle of vodka at somebody. Oh, God. You know what? That happens a lot. I’ve got to stop mixing drinks. [CALLIE WATTS ] PHOTO BY BEN RAYNER

MIRAH (A)spera (K) (A)spera nuzzles its way into the music scene as Mirah’s long-awaited fourth solo album. The title is Latin for “hope through difﬁculty,” a dynamic that is explored repeatedly in Mirah’s lyrics. Both intimate and pretty, the songs alternate in style and theme from one melody to the next, utilizing guitar, drums, horns, bongos, strings, and even the exotic harp-like mandinka kora, giving the album an alluring World feel. My favorite track, “Generosity,” billows with strings and beautiful vocals, perhaps explaining to a soon-to-be ex, “It was all of my energy, more than I wanted to give.” “The River” is long and winding, reminiscent of one of Liz Phair’s earlier, low-key tunes. Whatever questions life has you struggling with, this album will answer in kind. [WHITNEY DWIRE]

MARISSA NADLER Little Hells (Kemado) Don’t let the title fool you: Bostonbased songbird Marissa Nadler’s Little Hells is so sweet, it hurts. Honest and penetrating, her fourth album highlights the dream-folk musician’s eerie reverb vocals that deliver all-American tales, mimicking ’60s folk stars of yesteryear. With discordant harmonies littered throughout the album, Nadler’s songs deal with the usual suspects: death, love, and loss. Poignant lyrics such as “Ghosts and lovers/They will haunt you for awhile” (“Ghosts and Lovers”) and “When you were young, did you ever think that it would end?” (“The Whole Is Wide”) set the tone. Some songs harbor a distinctly twangy feel (“Little Hells”), and others incorporate carnivalesque sounds to create an even bleaker, more delicate soundscape (“Loner”). Nadler’s talent is supported by appearances from Simone Pace (Blonde Redhead), Myles Baer (Black Hole Inﬁnity), and producer Chris Coady (Yeah Yeah Yeahs). The depth and maturity of Little Hells proves this maven has many more tricks up her American Gothic sleeve. [ERICA VARLESE]

ORCHESTRE POLY-RYTHMO DE COTONOU The Vodoun Effect: Funk & Sato From Benin’s Obscure Labels 19721975 (Volume One) (Analog Africa) It’s no surprise that Orchestre PolyRythmo De Cotonou is touted as “West Africa’s best kept secret,” since their traditional Afro-beat sound is infused with funk, soul, and even a little bit of rock ‘n’ roll. A true testament to fuji-funk (a type of funk music with Japanese elements), The Vodoun Effect creates the feeling of being native while also capturing the essence of Western inﬂuences. Despite the group’s distinctive sound, you may feel like you’re jamming to Fela Kuti when “Nouèssènamè” and “Akoue Tche We Gni Medjome” greet you with blaring horns, guitar riffs, and saxophone solos. “Se Tche We Djo Mon” is, from the very start, an undeniable Beach Boys moment, while “Koutouliè” uses deﬁnitive drum beats, loud howls, and call-and-response vocals as an homage to coming-ofage. The Vodoun Effect is a proud tribute to Beninese tradition and culture, using native rhythms of the region that provide a sense of ethnicity and craftsmanship on each track. I think it’s safe to say these musicians have earned their acclaim. [KUTENDEREZA BABUMBA]

PETER BJORN AND JOHN Living Thing (Almost Gold) What’s a band to do following the smash success of an irresistibly catchy single that topped year-end best-of lists in 2006 and even made it onto Gossip Girl? If that band is Peter Bjorn and John, then the evident answer is to produce an album with nary a radio-friendly hit. The tracks on Living Thing, the Swedish trio’s ﬁfth album (the title of which calls out ’70s power-pop group Electric Light Orchestra), favor an eclectic mix of spare beats, electropop, and rock that’s a far cry from “Young Folks.” Of the bunch, “Nothing to Worry About” is the strongest breakout

contender, with its children’s-chorus vocals and stompy drumline. And yet, it’s refreshing to hear a group just not give a shit about creating another hook-heavy hit. Peter Bjorn and John have made one hell of an interesting album, which is more than most groups can say these days. [AMY PLITT]

YEAH YEAH YEAHS It’s Blitz (Interscope) A Yeah Yeah Yeahs dance album is like an airbrushed Obama T-shirt: you didn’t know you needed one until you got it. Though It’s Blitz will please longtime fans of the Yeahs’ signature drone-and-crash rock ‘n’ roll, there are plenty of unexpected tracks here

ﬁt for a dark club of shimmying hip kids. The practically perfect opener, “Zero,” pulses with sexy, thumping backbeats behind Karen O’s orgasmic wails and pummels right through into “Soft Shock,” which artfully intersperses big, layered keys with danceable, chaotic guitar riffs. “Heads Will Roll” convinces its listener that this is indeed an ass-shaking affair, with O demanding “Off with your head/ Dance till you’re dead.” However, It’s Blitz is far-reaching, with “Shame and Fortune,” a bona ﬁde discoinspired track, and “Hysteric,” a breathy ballad about fast love. It’s no surprise that the Yeah Yeah Yeahs seamlessly shift into new territory with every album—always evolving while creating a new standard of cool. [SARA GRAHAM]

{heavy rotation}

PJ HARVEY AND JOHN PARISH A Woman a Man Walked by (Island) UNLIKE THEIR FIRST go-round in ’96, with the celebrated Dance Hall at Louse Point, PJ Harvey and John Parish’s bold new collaborative effort, A Woman a Man Walked By, may not draw in casual listeners—most of these narrative songs are shockingly raw and often confrontational in their bursts of beauty and fatalism. Lead track “Black-Hearted Love,” reminiscent of mid-’90s Sonic Youth, provides an access point into an album that is, typical of most anything associated with PJ Harvey’s velvetfor-ﬂesh aesthetic, impossible to ignore or imitate. Parish’s stamp is apparent in the stripped-down East-meets-West stringed instruments that anchor most of the arrangements. “Sixteen, Fifteen, Fourteen” is driven by a box-spring sitar; “Cracks In the Canvas” features an eerily amorphous Nashville-via-Nanking mandolin. Whether unleashing a profanityladen tirade in a mocking growl that is both hilarious and disturbing on the title track, or voicing the most memorable barks heard on a rock record since Hounds of Love–era Kate Bush on “Pig Will Not,” Harvey’s voice is a ﬂexible bullet. Even the sweetly pastoral “Passionless, Pointless,” buoyed by swelling strings evocative of a lost ’50s soundtrack, conveys emotional urgency and, like the rest of the album, is ultimately as envious of objectivity as heartbreak itself. [DEVIN ESTLIN] // BUST / 077

248 broome st ny ny 10002 call for an appointment tel. 212.674.8383 www.fringeny.com info@fringeny.com

078 / BUST // APR/MAY

the guide

BOOKS

LITPICK

wetlands

BY CHARLOTTE ROCHE [GROVE PRESS] SINCE WETLANDS’ RELEASE last year in Germany, many have accused author Charlotte Roche of just trying to provoke her readers by breaking taboos. Indeed, this debut novel—newly and accurately translated into English by Tim Mohr—contains many explicit, if not downright filthy, details: the flavor of body fluids, way too much information about anal sex, and a rather unique use of avocado pits for female pleasure. Reading some paragraphs might cause an urgent desire to brush your teeth or take a shower, or both. And you will never look at your vagina—or cauliflower—the same way again. But to dismiss the book for its sheer shock value would be a mistake. Behind the racy language lies the tragic story of 18-year-old Helen Memel, who thinks her “ass surgery” might unify her estranged parents, who come to visit her at the hospital. Her desire to have an intact family is sometimes as painful as the anal lesion for which she needs the surgery. While certainly not for the squeamish, Wetlands raises fascinating questions about female hygiene (why are there only female odor-control products—is the vagina less clean than the penis?) and women’s lack of connection to their own bodies (the “body hair shaving obsession,” as Roche calls it) by describing what we all know about our bodies but would never dare to talk about. After 1.3 million copies sold and a year following its release, the debate over the book’s merit still rages in Germany—even among those who did not read it— and as such, it has administered CPR to feminism in its own way. Let’s see how the American market will react to it. [JULIDE TANRIVERDI]

BABYCAKES: Vegan, GlutenFree, and (Mostly) SugarFree Recipes from New York’s Most Talked-About Bakery By Erin McKenna (Clarkson Potter) I’ve been a devoted fan of the vegan and gluten-free bakery BabyCakes NYC since I moved to New York. Their delicious and not-sobad-for-you treats, with ingredients like agave nectar and applesauce replacing sugar and eggs, satisfy my sweet tooth as much as the fat-laden competition. So my inner baker went bonkers over owner Erin McKenna’s new cookbook, which is ﬁlled with BabyCakes’ signature goodies, including a variety of mufﬁns, scones, pies, cupcakes, cookies, and their famous frosting (offered by the “shot” at the bakery). The recipes are straightforward (even a novice baker

could pull most of them off), but here’s the catch: all that healthiness is kinda pricey. I nearly went broke stocking up on unusual ingredients like xanthan gum and coconut oil (available at health-food stores or from the online purveyors listed in the book), but once you’ve made the initial investment, you’re set to make almost all the treats featured, including my faves: banana bread and chocolate-chip cookie sandwiches (slapped together with icing). Punchy personal anecdotes written by McKenna and testimonials from totally BUSTy celebs, like MaryLouise Parker and Zooey Deschanel, make even the nonrecipe text fun to read. Throw in photos of every tantalizing treat, the adorable bakery, and the gals who work there, and you’ve got an awesome cookbook for folks with or without diet restrictions. My goodies didn’t come out as pretty as the ones at BabyCakes NYC, but I’m committed to keep trying until they do. [LISA BUTTERWORTH]

DISFIGURED: A Saudi Woman’s Story of Triumph Over Violence By Rania Al-Baz (Interlink) R an ia A l-Baz’s autobiography traces her life from girlhood in Saudi Arabia to her high-flying career as one of the country’s premier female TV journos by way of two calamitous marriages—the first ending when she was barely out of her teens, and the second with a severe beating from her husband that left her with a three percent chance of survival. This is the kind of lady you really, really, want to root for. Unfortunately, Al-Baz comes off as narcissistic, self-aggrandizing, and hypocritical. And the pot-boilerstyle prose in Disfigured—translated from the original French by Catherine Spencer—severely undermines the dead-seriousness of the subject matter.

Yet, Al-Baz’s willingness to tell her story in a country in which women are primarily relegated to the kitchen and the bedroom (they are not legally permitted to drive, vote, or enter certain professions) is an achievement itself, and her perspective on the world at large is nuanced. Al-Baz lucidly defends Saudi Arabia, its cultural heritage, and Islam, managing to cogently explain how a society in which women are at a signiﬁcant disadvantage politically and socially is not synonymous with the promotion of violence against women. After pictures of her attack landed on the front pages of newspapers, Al-Baz was thrust into the role of spokesperson for women in Saudi Arabia. She has successfully put a much-needed spotlight on the problem of violence without attacking her country’s way of life, which has won her support in all areas of Saudi society. I only wish she’d hired a ghostwriter. [KATHLEEN WILLCOX] // BUST / 079

the guide BOOKS IT SUCKED AND THEN I CRIED: How I Had a Baby, a Breakdown, and a Much Needed Margarita By Heather B. Armstrong (Simon Spotlight Entertainment) Heather Armstrong’s ﬁrst memoir is a frank and hilarious chronicle of her existence as a recovering Mormon, a newlywed, and a naïve new mother with postpartum depression (PPD). Having won awards for her blog, Dooce.com, Armstrong brings largely original content to It Sucked, writing with the ballsy and irreverent style of Anne Lamott on the absolute wonder and fear associated with having a newborn. Whether she’s analyzing diaper doodie art or dealing with her three-month-old daughter’s need for physical therapy, Armstrong woos the reader with humor. Every month she records is celebrated with a heartfelt letter to her newborn to read later in life, and these tender passages are reason enough to read the book. Conversely, she describes her pre-water-breaking contractions as “REALLY FUCKING AWFUL,” and with equal lung strength demands the return of the two weeks she spent needlessly worrying about the nominal pain of her epidural. The author has a heart of gold and the mouth of a trucker, and it’s easy to forgive Armstrong’s propensity for “screaming” in ALL CAPS, as the book is just so damn genuine and insightful. The balance of It Sucked covers Armstrong’s battle with PPD, which affects 10 – 20 percent of new mothers. She writes with aplomb about her “craziness,” the effect it had on her new family, her stay in a psychiatric hospital, and her recovery. Her compassionate choice to share her experience will beneﬁt many women and, more important, make them laugh. [RACHEL BRAVMANN]

LIKEWISE: The High School Comic Chronicles of Ariel Schrag By Ariel Schrag (Touchstone) From the mighty 080 / BUST // APR/MAY

pen of Ariel Schrag comes the fourth graphically documented (and some of it is pretty graphic—a plus in my book!) installment of her entire high school experience. While the previous three books, Awkward, Definition, and Potential, cover her freshman, sophomore, and junior years, respectively, Likewise reviews her senior year. The issues you can expect—applying to college, being a lesbian, divorced parents, sex, break-ups, fashion, awkward situations, masturbation, and many more—are all thoroughly discussed with satisfying accuracy. “All I ever think about are my pants,” writes Schrag, as if she took the thoughts right out of my head. She also describes the post-breakup emotions surrounding the end of her relationship with her girlfriend, such as “feeling sick” whenever she thinks about her, and her honesty will make anyone who’s ever gone through something similar feel flashes of their old traumas. All the characters in Likewise are drawn “ugly” (uglier than they really are), a daring departure from the mainstream comic majority. At first glance, the comic seems messy, but one sees quickly that everything’s drawn with tremendous focus and care (the thin, clustered parallel lines, used to convey darkness, are amazing). As I devoured the pages, all I could think about was how difficult it would be to confess all the dirty details of high school the way Schrag does, and I can’t thank her enough for having the balls to do it. [WHITNEY DWIRE]

LUCKY GIRL By Mei-Ling Hopgood (Algonquin) As a Chinese adoptee who was happily raised in Detroit, Mei-Ling Hopgood never desired to uncover her ancestry. In fact, she rarely identiﬁed with her Asian roots, and instead practically abhorred them until she made her ﬁrst Asian-American friend in college. As fate would have it, one postcard is all it took to reconnect

Hopgood with her past. Suddenly, she is whisked into a whirlwind of telephone calls, emails, and faxes, all in a language she had never cared to understand. Albeit reluctantly, she decides to travel across the world to meet the family that gave her up and find the answer to the question she always had in the back of her mind: why? A journalist by trade, Hopgood pushes herself to ask tough questions. As she does, shocking family secrets begin to spill forth. Her birth father, for example, was so obsessed with the idea that boys are intrinsically better than girls, that he stopped at nothing to produce a male successor—even if it meant betraying all of the women in his life. Although Hopgood’s memoir is uniquely her own, multiple perspectives on adoption saturate her book. Her loving adoptive parents, the nun who swaddled her as a baby, and her two adoptive Korean brothers each come to life in her story through intimate letters, conversations, and situations. As she gets to know her birth parents and siblings, their stories and perspectives also become animated. The end result is a tale so brutally honest, one would hope a translated copy never reaches the hands of her birth parents. [LIBBY ZAY ]

MADE FOR EACH OTHER: The Biology of the Human-Animal Bond By Meg Daley Olmert (Da Capo Press) When Mickey Rourke accepted a Golden Globe for his performance in The Wrestler, he thanked not only the usual suspects, but also his dogs. There’s no arguing that dogs, and pets in general, are often truly our best friends. The question that Made for Each Other asks is: What is the scientific and historical basis of this interspecies bond? The cornerstone of the book’s answer is a hormone called oxytocin, which acts to promote socialization and connection

between animals. Meg Daley Olmert expertly sums up a slew of scientific studies (some of which uncomfortably involve animal experimentation) that show oxytocin to have a hand in everything from the monogamous mating habits of prairie voles to the early relationship between a human mom and her newborn. But though oxytocin is definitely the scientific heart of the book, as a subject, it’s much less compelling than the examples peppered throughout that demonstrate the depth and power of the human-animal bond. In one study, caring for zoo animals was found to increase the attention spans of those with ADHD. In another, pet ownership was correlated with the survival of those with heart disease. For anyone who’s already an animal lover, these statistics won’t come as a surprise, but what they might do is inspire non–pet owners to take a trip to the Humane Society. [ ERICA WETTER]

MAKE ME SOMETHING GOOD TO EAT By Tamra Davis (Tamra Davis) The appeal of Tamra Davis’ new cookbook is basically the same as that of the Internet cooking show on which it’s based. Featuring her husband Mike D of the Beastie Boys, their two cuteas-hell young sons, and Davis herself—a film and TV director whose credits include Billy Madison and Grey’s Anatomy—both the book and the show (found at www.tamradaviscookingshow.com) focus on bland, kid-friendly, pescetarian cuisine, making them more interesting to creepy celebrity voyeurs (like me!) than to serious cooks. So while this self-published collection is unfortunately riddled with typos and casually vague cooking instructions, at least now I know that Davis’ formerly vegan hubby currently eats fish and eggs but is lactose intolerant, and that their pal Chris Martin from Coldplay had trouble making her Banana Pancakes because of the pan and spatula he was using. And when

my rendition of Davis’ Peanut Butter Noodles with Tiger Tofu came out icky and sticky, at least I could console myself imagining what her expertly crafted version of the dish must have tasted like fresh out of the backstage kitchen where she says she cooked it before a Beastie Boys show. The recipes aren’t all misfires, though. Redeeming the entire book in my eyes is her take on Ginger Tempeh, a super-easy concoction that produced the most juicy, flavorful, and succulent version of this veggie staple I’ve ever had. By her own admission, however, this one isn’t actually Davis’ recipe. So to Nichole, the woman Mike met in India who later became the family nanny, and thus brought this recipe circuitously to me, I salute you, wherever you are. [ EMILY REMS ]

THE MEANS OF REPRODUCTION: Sex, Power and the Future of the World By Michelle Goldberg (Penguin Press HC) The Means of Reproduction is a sweeping, well-researched review of the last few decades of the reproductive and sexual-rights struggle for women, with a focus on the developing world, particularly as it has been affected by American politics. Goldberg begins with the 1960s, when male politicians zeroed in on the threat of over-population to justify the need for contraception rather than attending to overall health issues for women. Using document research and first-person interviews, she demonstrates how a handful of researchers, activists, and non-governmental organizations (NGOs) fought to define access to contraception and abortion as a basic human right. Just as policymakers began to understand the connection between Third World development and women’s access to contraception and abortion, the Bush administration reinstated the global gag rule, limiting funds to NGOs if they provided access to abortion. Goldberg’s greatest achieve-

ments in this book are the many intimate examples she provides of how conservative evangelical policy, like the gag rule, has affected women in the developing world, often with frustrating results. When Nicaragua, for example, voted to ban all abortions, even those necessary to save the mother’s life, the resulting deaths of both women and their unborn children underscored the absurdity of the claim that this type of legislation is “pro-life.” Goldberg’s work will be invaluable in making the case that policies which support a woman’s agency will inevitably result in stronger and more vital communities and nations, something that is a true affirmation of life, not simply lip service. [ LAURA STOKES ]

NOISE: Fiction Inspired by Sonic Youth Edited by Peter Wild (Harper Perennial) A short anthology of fiction inspired by Sonic Youth seems like a great idea. Sense memory, after all, is a powerful thing, and music translated into words should enable readers to strengthen the nostalgic bond any good band evokes with its fans. But this collection of essays, sadly, falls short. Each of the book’s contributors took a title of a Sonic Youth song and wrote a short story loosely based on their interpretation of the track. But many of the stories lack a point. Shelley Jackson’s “My Friend Goo” is a confusing, uninteresting story about a girl who navigates the world through tongue twisters: “Maybe my father is still trying to get me to talk like a normal person when he screams, ‘Good blood, bad blood! Good blood, bad blood!’ Maybe he doesn’t mean that I’m my mother’s daughter and always will be. But I even look like the goo.” Pardon me, but wtf!? Where there was a clear narrative, I wondered how much of the story was inspired by Sonic Youth’s music, and how much was the author trying to shock readers—as in Rebecca Godfrey’s “Shadow of a // BUST / 081

the guide Doubt,” in which the author writes in the ﬁrst person about a friend’s reverse psychology attempt to save Godfrey from killing herself by compelling her to commit suicide. Noise left me with a secret desire to destroy counterculture for the unfortunate bi-products it produces, such as this book, which seems to be not really made for Sonic Youth listeners, but instead, for folks who enjoy buying books for show, to display impressively on milk-crate bookshelves, propping up dusty editions of The Great Gatsby, also never to be read. [TAYLOR CHAPLIN ORCI ]

SPOILED: Stories By Caitlin Macy (Random House) In this collection of stories by the O. Henry Prize-winning author of The Fundamentals of Play, Caitlin Macy returns with another foray into the delicate imbalances between status and class. Putting her characters under a spotlight of wealth and privilege, she lets us watch them squirm. In nine taut, sharp stories, Macy dissects the inner turmoil of advantaged New York women tangled in endless power struggles with each other, and with themselves. In “Bait and Switch,” two sisters goad each other as they compete for the attention of an irrelevant admirer from the past. “The Secret Vote” chronicles the lead-in to Election Day for a woman coping with a very personal—and yet still inescapably political—decision. And, naturally, Macy explores the ample tension between those who serve and those who are served: “Annabel’s Mother” and “The Red Coat” both examine missteps borne out of a cocktail of guilt and the best of intentions when two ladies of the house try to do favors for the help. It’s a melody we’ve heard before—the woe of the sad-hearted rich folk. But Macy invests her characters with quiet, restrained despair and examines their interiority with such careful precision that you 082 / BUST // APR/MAY

can’t help but feel for them (even if you hate yourself a little for it). Macy’s collection delves into the perils of trading agency for status; Spoiled is a study of women lost in a tidal wave of trinkets and delusions, groping for solid ground. [LAURIE ANN CEDILNIK ]

THE SPY GAME: A Novel By Georgina Harding (Bloomsbury USA) Spy stories capture every child’s imagination. Who of us didn’t, in our pre-teen days, sneak around writing down the “suspicious” activities of a perfectly innocent family member? Now imagine that you’re eight years old at the height of the Cold War, and one day your East German mother disappears. The next day, the newspapers are full of a story about a Soviet spy ring. Sure, the adults tell you that your mother died in a car accident. But this is Britain in 1961, where children don’t go to the funeral, so you have no evidence of her death. Such is the story of Anna and her older brother Peter in The Spy Game. Peter furiously gathers evidence of their mother’s supposed undercover activities, while Anna is more reluctant to dig into any secrets. But 40 years later, the doubts Peter sowed linger. When Anna visits her mother’s ancestral home for the first time, she starts to suspect that the truths she may uncover won’t be as romantic as those imagined in childhood. Anna’s search should make for an exciting story. The details of a young girl’s inner life, such as Anna’s girlish crush on her piano teacher, are vividly portrayed and animate those sections of the book. But the adult Anna is expert at hiding her emotions, even from the reader, so revelations that should be deep and shocking remain flat and light. For those who grew up on a diet of spy stories, this novel provides little in the way of surprises. [ KARIN MARLEY ]

UNBELIEVABLE: Investigations into Ghosts, Poltergeists, Telepathy, and Other Unseen Phenomena, from the Duke Parapsychology Laboratory By Stacy Horn (Ecco) It’s easy to dismiss ghost stories as pure fiction, but, from 1930 to 1980, they were the subject of serious study at Duke University. Helmed by J.B. Rhine—to paranormal research what Alfred Kinsey was to sex—the lab at the heart of Stacy Horn’s Unbelievable experimented in “parapsychology,” a moniker intended to avoid the hoaxes associated with the “paranormal.” As Horn, a contributor to NPR’s All Things Considered, tells it, the psych research, with its funding battles and ego clashes, is just as fascinating as the ghouls. (One particularly lurid scene involves Mina Crandon, a Boston medium whose 1920s séances culminated in an alleged “ectoplasmic emission”—said to be the hand of her dead brother—emerging from her nether-regions.) It’s not a coincidence that a rise in belief in telepathy followed the popularization of the radio; people figured that “if you could send sound invisibly through the air, it didn’t seem unthinkable that our minds could tune in to the voices of the dead.” The studies—of telepathy, clairvoyance, precognition, and pyschokinesis—employed scientific methods in order to legitimize their findings, attracting the attention of boldface names like Carl Sagan, Jackie Gleason, Pearl S. Buck, Albert Einstein, and Richard Nixon. Famous cases covered include that of the Maryland boy who inspired The Exorcist, but best are the letters from average citizens concerned about their otherworldly experiences. “What they wanted was validation and an explanation,” Horn writes. And some of the explanations here, backed by scientific fact, will send shivers up readers’ spines. [ IRIS BLASI ]

WHO’S YOUR MAMA?: The Unsung Voices of Women and Mothers Edited by Yvonne Bynoe (Soft Skull Press) In an effort to open society’s eyes to “the diversity of ways that real American women—women of every hue and social strata—experience motherhood,” writer and political activist Yvonne Bynoe has assembled a wide-ranging collection of 28 essays, mostly written from non-traditional perspectives. Race, class, age, and gender are all addressed here. Lisa Chiu, Kim Green, and Lori L. Tharps consider the delights and difficulties of raising multicultural children, while Kelly Jeske, Kathy Bricetti, and Mary Warren Foulk explain the challenges of having a baby with a female partner. To breed or not to breed has become an increasingly fraught decision, and Bynoe has selected essays that reflect that ambivalence: Liz Prato writes with giddy relief about her decision to remain childfree while Martha Southgate guiltily confesses her fantasy of abandoning her role as a wife and mother, and Christine Murphy and Kersha Smith, both married without kids, weigh the pros and cons of parenthood. Robin Templeton’s essay, about her fears that she’ll take after her own damaged, destructive mother, stands out for its polished prose, but some of the most affecting work comes from previously unpublished writers Heather McCary and Tanika Feaster, who write with passion and candor about becoming mothers before they were quite ready for the job. With its anything-goes all-inclusiveness (Bynoe writes that “the only prerequisites were that the essays had to be personal narratives and they had to be interesting”), this anthology will offer welcome asylum to those who have not yet taken sides in the literary mommy wars. [ CORRIE PIKUL ]

the guide

Beharie has the right to remain silent in Violet

PHOTOS COURTESY OF SCOTT SALTZMAN/SAMUEL GOLDWYN FILMS, KATAHDIN PRODUCTIONS, AND PETER STRANKS/HBO

AMERICAN VIOLET Directed by Tim Disney (Samuel Goldwyn Films) Standing up to the law in a small town ain’t easy, but that’s exactly what one hard-working Texas waitress and mother of four must do in this drama based on a true story. As the ﬁlm opens, Dee Roberts (Nicole Beharie) is portrayed as a woman who wants nothing more than to provide her children with a loving and stable home. But when a police informant incorrectly names her as a drug dealer, Roberts is swept up into a justice system that immediately categorizes her as a young, black troublemaker. Distraught at being unable to support her family, Roberts is tempted, when her defense attorney pushes her, to take a plea bargain. Against the advice of her mother (Alfre Woodard), however, she refuses to admit any guilt and instead goes toe to toe with the county’s popular DA (Michael O’Keefe) in a valiant attempt to clear her name. Roberts quickly learns that ﬁghting Texas’ goodold-boy network means dismissals from jobs and constant threats that her children will be taken away, but her perseverance ultimately results in a case that would change her state’s laws on using informants. An engaging story impressively held together by newcomer Beharie, American Violet stands out from the sea of slick, mass-produced legal thrillers by not focusing on evidence

Hannah Senesh beside her mom in Match

but on a family and the effect incarceration has on personal relationships. A modern day David and Goliath tale, the ﬁlm doesn’t offer a neat ending. Nonetheless, you can’t help but be inspired by how one young woman without education, money, or connections was brave enough to put her liberty on the line to help change her community. [ERRIN DONAHUE]

BLESSED IS THE MATCH: The Life and Death of Hannah Senesh Directed By Roberta Grossman (Balcony Releasing) Hannah Senesh was 22 in 1944, when she landed in Nazi-controlled Europe with 30 other paratroopers in an effort to save Hungarian Jews—her mother among them—from Hitler’s Final Solution. It was the only outside rescue mission for Jews launched during the entire war, and Senesh’s role in the daring attempt transformed the young poet into an enduring symbol of courage. But no documentary feature has ever been made about her stunning ordeal, until now. The title lets us know up front: Senesh did not survive this mission. The idealistic young woman had parted with her mother and brother and journeyed to Palestine in 1939 to attend agricultural school. As the war escalated, however, news of the Holocaust came to her community, and she and her neighbors decided to act. Tragically, she was captured, and her refusal of clemency in the face of a Nazi death sentence prompted many to refer to

MOVIES

Life is hard for Barrymore and Lange in Grey Gardens

her as “Israel’s Joan of Arc.” Director Roberta Grossman employs Senesh’s poetry, letters written between Senesh and her mother, diary entries, and testimony from Senesh’s classmates, fellow soldiers, and inmates at the prison camp where she was held, to paint a vivid portrait of this fascinating young woman. The historic footage and photographs of Senesh and her family that Grossman compiles are also compelling. But the ﬁlm’s dramatic reenactments inject an aesthetic that would be more at home on the History Channel. For Senesh’s story alone, though, it’s worth watching. Look for screenings in your area, at BlessedIsTheMatch.com. [ANNA BEAN]

GREY GARDENS Co-Written and Directed by Michael Sucsy (HBO Films) A story ﬁrst told as a 1975 documentary that became a cult sensation, and then recently recounted in a celebrated Broadway musical, Grey Gardens, the true tale of mother and daughter “Big Edie” and “Little Edie” Beale, is being revived once more, and the result is another terriﬁc tearjerker. This time, the tragic saga of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis’ eccentric aunt and cousin—a pair born into wealth and privilege, whose descent into isolated poverty and squalor made national headlines—is getting a glamorous makeover, thanks to its

big-name stars, Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange. And with a script that both painstakingly reconstructs moments from the iconic original doc and lushly imagines scenes of the Beale family’s former grandeur, this version, scheduled to premiere on HBO on April 18, unfolds with more plot-driven momentum than its previous incarnations. One of the most striking aspects of the ﬁlm is the way in which Barrymore and Lange transform as the story bounces between time periods. Lighting up the screen one minute as youthful, incandescent glamour girls, each hungry for her own moment in the spotlight, the women then careen seamlessly into scenes depicting them as elderly recluses, hiding out from the world that abandoned them in the ﬁlthy remains of their East Hampton estate. Lange, especially, is the spitting image of the real Big Edie in these moments, while Barrymore, though less-convincingly aged, does an admirable job recreating the oddball joie de vivre that made Little Edie a countercultural phenomenon in the ’70s. As much a story about keeping impossible dreams alive as it is about the Gordian Knot of the Beale’s mother-daughter bond, Grey Gardens may not be as accurate a snapshot of these two women’s lives as the doc was, but emotionally, it covers new, compelling ground that fans of the original won’t be able to resist. [EMILY REMS] // BUST / 083

084 / BUST //APR/MAY

sex ﬁles

slick picks

PHOTOS COURTESY OF GOOD CLEAN LOVE; OCEANUS NATURALS; BABELAND

ECO LUBES MAKING GOING AU NATUREL NATURAL UNTIL RECENTLY, THE last thing on my mind when my boyfriend and I were getting busy in bed was whether or not my lube was allnatural and eco-friendly. But after learning that most lubricants are made with petrochemicals (derived from petroleum in a way that wreaks havoc on the planet) and preserved with methyl and propyl parabens (possible carcinogens that are linked to cancer and can cause irritation), I quickly changed my tune. Do I really want to be using ingredients I can’t even pronounce on my most private of parts? No, not when there are all-natural lubes that purport to have the same slippery effect as their chemical-laden counterparts, making them safe for you and the environment. In the interest of science, I decided to take a few for a test run. Oceanus Naturals offers Carrageenan ($10.99 for 4 oz., www. oceanusbrands.com), a lube made with a gelatinous seaweed extract of the same name; other ingredients include aloe and vitamin E. The consistency of this one is very runny, so make sure you know where you’re aiming that thing before it starts squirting (the bottle, that is). If you’re in the mood to kick things up a notch, Carrageenan also comes in a version with a warming element

seduce, reuse, recycle A NEW WEB SITE KEEPS YOUR OLD DILDOS OUTTA THE DUMP

courtesy of natural mint extract that creates a rather mild heating sensation. The silky glide of both wore off after only a few minutes, so keep the bottle handy. Good Clean Love’s 95 percent organic Almost Naked ($16 for 4 oz., www.goodcleanlove.com) is more gel-like than Carrageenan, so the application is less messy—you won’t need to lay down a tarp before you bust out this lube. It also happens to be edible, so you don’t have to worry about getting it in your mouth. My personal favorite, Babeland Naturals Organic Lube ($12 for 4 oz., www.babeland.com), is thick and doesn’t drip. Its consistency felt closest to the real thing, so I couldn’t tell when the product ended and the natural slip ‘n’ slide began, thanks to ingredients like aloe, agar (also derived from seaweed), water, and vegetable glycerin. Available in Naked with a “hint of lemon and vanilla” or Fresh with a “subtle mint infusion,” both have a pleasantly surprising, light fragrance. All of these lubes are water-based, which means they won’t weaken latex like an oil-based product, so you can go nuts with them when you’re using a condom. With natural alternatives like these, it only makes sense to turn your bedroom green and give a whole new meaning to safe sex. [ALI CARROLL]

EVERYONE KNOWS THAT bottles, cans, and newspapers are recyclable. But vibrators? Yep, now those are, too. Thanks to the new Web site RecycleMySexToy.com—founded by David Kowalsky, the 35-year-old owner of online adult toy store VibratorShopping.com—your unwanted plugs, dildos, and vibes can be transformed into park benches and playground mulch. To save your retired Rabbits from a landﬁll, simply drop them in the mail (after a solid scrub) to Wesley Chapel, FL, where Kowalsky and his diligent crew break down the pleasure products and ship the rubber, silicone, and motorized parts to companies that will reuse them. Packaging and batteries are also fair game for recycling (though you might want to remove the AAAs before shipping; the post ofﬁce freaks when a buzzing package ar-

rives in the mail). The idea came to Kowalsky when he realized the product satisfaction guarantee he offers at his online store was great for business but bad for the environment—those rubber rejects went straight to the dump. After some research, Kowalsky found companies that would work with the buzzers’ parts, and since launching his new site in November, he’s recycled more than 600 toys. “We’re doing it as a campaign for goodwill,” he says. “I have two children. I would hate to see the planet wither and die in their lifetimes.” Not only will recycling your old sex toys help out Ma Nature, but for every shipment you send—even if it’s just a lone bullet—you’ll also get a $10 gift certiﬁcate for VibratorShopping.com. Talk about a pat on the back, or wherever you fancy it. [HELEN ANNE TRAVIS] // BUST / 085

sex ﬁles

ask aunt betty and cousin carlin DR. BETTY DODSON AND CARLIN ROSS TELL YOU EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT SEX BUT WERE WAITING FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO ASK

For almost a year now, I have been struggling with a sharp discomfort on and around my clitoris. Testing has ruled out STDs, and the doctors I’ve seen haven’t had answers beyond that. I turned to the Internet for info and am convinced I’m dealing with vulvodynia, a little-known disorder that is largely unresearched. My condition makes sex uncomfortable, there is no consistency to the pain, and yet it is not going away. I had a perfectly healthy sex life before this and can still achieve arousal and orgasm, body permitting. I think there are many other women who are suffering the same mysterious pain who also feel helpless and crazy. Can you shed some light on this? Clit Crisis

Betty says: My dear woman, you have my heartfelt compassion. What you’ve described does sound like vulvodynia (VVD) or vestibulodynia (VBD), which result in chronic pain conditions located in some part of a woman’s genitals. Although the exact cause has never been conﬁrmed, one of the leading theories is that the source of VBD pain may be a glitch in the central nervous system. Check out The V Book: A Doctor’s Guide to Complete Vulvovaginal Health by Elizabeth Stuart, M.D. She believes that VVD may involve pain from a nerve injury or inﬂammation. In one case I know of, a woman used a topical painkiller during intercourse. Another stopped having penetration sex due to the pain at the entrance of her vagina and engaged her clitoris only with oral sex and masturbation. There is still much to be learned about the female genitals and women’s sexual responses.

Carlin says: This is by no means a medical answer, but maybe a lubricant with a numbing agent could help. It will act like a topical anesthetic, and you may be able to enjoy minor stimulation of your clitoral area. You could also focus more on G-spot stimulation since you experience pain in your clitoral area. Your G-spot is about two to three inches in your vagina (insert a ﬁnger and curl it up toward your belly).

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I’m interested in a higher education on the subject of orgasms. I can have all manner of mind-erasing climaxes, with or without a partner, but they come only from rubbing my clitoris. Clearly, this is not a complaint. But in the spirit of fun and for the challenge itself, I want to learn to have orgasms during sex without doing the reach-between. Do you have any tips or book recommendations for achieving vaginal orgasms? Magna CUM laude

Betty says: You have come to the wrong university, and I’m not the professor you seek. My life’s work has been about expanding the image of women’s sexual response by getting beyond America’s obsession with vaginal orgasms. Reachdown, reach-around, or reach-between is what I teach when it comes to partnersex. Even vaginal stimulation is a form of indirect clit stim. You might like one of the G-spot DVDs or books that explain how your man can use his ﬁngers to rapidly strum on the ceiling of your vagina to stimulate a cluster of prostate-like glands inside the erectile tissue that surrounds your urinary tract. I personally dislike the sensation, but you may love it.

Carlin says: I consider orgasms without clitoral stimulation an oxymoron, but if it’s variety you’re looking for, why not bust out the anal orgasm? Keep stimulating your clit and start playing with a small butt plug while you masturbate. Don’t forget the lube, and just play around with different levels of penetration. Then, when you’re feeling up to it, let your partner have at your ass, but make sure that you stay in charge and talk him through how you like to be stimulated. Lube up his phallus, especially around the rim, and squeeze a bit inside your anus for good measure. He’ll go crazy, and you’ll have another orgasm under your belt. Even Betty approves of anal orgasms, as long as you stimulate the source of your climaxes: your clitoris.

Got a question for Betty and Carlin? Post it at www.bust.com/auntbetty

MARCELLUS HALL

sex ﬁles ONE-HANDED READ

the doctor is in A GIRL GETS A BIG O FROM HER GYNO [BY

JAYNE FALCON]

I WAS SCANNING our local message boards trying to adopt a French bulldog when I happened upon a bulletin from RiotGrrrl27: “Ladies: Stay away from gyno Dr. Ross. I went for a visit and found him to be totally inappropriate. Unless, of course, that’s what you’re looking for. He is smokin’ hot.” This piqued my interest and I immediately made an appointment. The following week I strode into an empty waiting room; I was the last appointment of the day. The receptionist handed me a clipboard and grunted some instructions that I silently followed. Dr. Ross’ office featured oddly masculine decor that reminded me of my parents’ never-redecorated den—complete with dark wood paneling and a painting of a toreador. Sooner than expected, I was told by the receptionist to enter the first examination room and disrobe. I closed the door behind me and dutifully removed every stitch of clothing before slipping on the obligatory paper gown, open in front. A few moments later, Dr. Ross entered with my freshly minted chart in his hands. He was handsome in a clean, innocuous way with a shaved head and trim, athletic build. “Hello there,” he began in a deep baritone. “And what are we here for today?” “I’m here because I can’t have an orgasm anymore,” I answered, lying to his smooth, inquisitive face. “I see,” he said, giving me the briefest flicker of nonclinical interest. “You realize this could be a psychological issue for which I’d be unable to help.” “I know that, but I’m worried that it’s physical,” I responded, expanding my fib. “I had a very long horseback-riding session a month ago, and since then, I’ve felt numb in the groin.” “OK, well, I’ll be happy to give you an exam, and we’ll see if you’re functioning properly, all right?” My plan, so simple and devious, was working as scripted. I was certain I 088 / BUST // APR/MAY

detected a note of excitement in his voice, and I was already wet with anticipation. Trying to contain my eagerness, I scooched carefully to the end of the table and put my feet in the padded stirrups. The flimsy gown barely covered me, but I welcomed the momentary flash of exposed flesh. Dr. Ross positioned the gooseneck lamp right at my crotch and squinted into me like an undersea explorer. “You’re going to feel my hand,” he began. “Just relax.” I was already quite at ease and extremely turned on, which he couldn’t help but notice. “You are certainly well lubricated, I see.” “Mm-hmm,” I murmured. I realized he wasn’t wearing his latex gloves. At first he did a few normal, doctory things that didn’t feel inappropriate in the least. But just before disappointment set in, he stood up and said, “OK, in order to examine your sensitivity levels, I’m going to have to touch you in a way that shall, hopefully, feel arousing.” “Oh, sure,” I said with a quiver in my voice. He came around to the side of the table, lubed up his fingers and instructed me to lay flat and still. “I’m going to test your clitoral sensitivity now, aided by some artificial lubricant that you may want to try at home.” Suddenly, his fingers, wet and viscousy, were right between my pussy lips; touching me with the most delicate pressure. “Can you feel this?” he asked, bending toward my ear. “I can. It feels fine.” It felt more than fine; I was swooning from his touch. My clit was already completely engorged and hypersensitive, contrary to what I had claimed earlier. My inadequate gown was open at the bottom, allowing a full view of my neatly trimmed bush. I kept my legs together, as this somehow felt hotter, less clinical. “Now, move your hips so that you are rubbing against me,

in your own rhythm; your own pace,” the doctor instructed. I did as he said, closing my eyes and concentrating on rocking my lower body against his touch. My entire pussy felt afire and deliciously wet. I let a moan of delight escape, and Dr. Ross answered back, “That’s right, that’s good. This is what it should feel like. Your clit appears to be working perfectly; it seems you can feel every bit of pleasure.” His voice was thick with desire. “Open your legs as you become more aroused, OK? Can you do that for me?” I opened my eyes and spread my legs a bit so that his expert fingers could move deeper into my swollen folds. “That’s it,” he whispered. “I’m going to open your gown a little bit more, because having an orgasm is a full-body experience.” He needn’t have given me that tidbit of advice; I was already desperate to be naked and fully exposed. With that casual warning, he used his free hand to tug at the flimsy belt and push aside the confines of my ineffective covering. I arched slightly, jutting out my breasts. I could hear him suck his breath in. This nonverbal compliment fueled my delight, and I opened my legs as instructed. His smooth, manicured fingers moved over the surface of my torso. Without hesitation he cupped one breast and tweaked my alert nipple. “You know,” he said softly into my ear, “the tissue of the nipple has the same nerve endings as your clitoris. Do you feel that?” He pinched me again for emphasis. “That’s a direct line to your arousal.” By now I was completely gushing between the thighs, leaving a puddle on the waxy paper sheet between me and the table. I opened my eyes and saw that the doctor, standing right by my head, had a raging hard-on straining lustily through his pants. I sighed and moaned aloud, unable to contain myself. “Please, let me suck you,” I pleaded. “I think I can come then.” With his free hand he released his erect and gorgeous cock from its restraint and turned it toward my eager mouth. He was hard like a steel rod, his tip glistening with anticipatory pre-cum. I took him in my mouth and tasted the salty flavor, which drove me into a complete frenzy. With my legs open, I bucked my hips in response to his touch, feeling his warm fingers inside me; I was lost in the tempest of lust. I sucked him ravenously using my hand to jerk his shaft as I twirled my tongue over his head, relishing all the juice he was releasing. He groaned with abject longing then bent toward my raised hips in order to lick my eager pussy. I opened my legs wide for him, his fingers busy frigging me within while his practiced tongue licked my clit in unison. The sensation was overwhelming; the office, the examination table, his piston still pumping into my mouth, growing stiffer by the second. I pulled away for the briefest of seconds to pant, “I’m gonna come. I’m gonna…” and I gulped him hungrily back into my mouth, sucking with a renewed enthusiasm. He didn’t miss a beat, licking me into a tumultuous, earth-shattering orgasm. My scream of satisfaction was thankfully muffled by the thrust of his dick in my mouth, suddenly spewing thick and creamy cum. I swallowed and let out a gasp of satisfaction. The doctor turned his head and smiled down at me. “I think you’re cured,” he said, beaming. B BUST (ISSN 1089-4713), No. 56, Apr/May, 2009. BUST is published bi-monthly in Feb/Mar, April/ May, June/July, Aug/Sept, Oct/Nov, and Dec/Jan by BUST, Inc., 78 5th Avenue #5, New York, NY, 10011-8000. Printed in the U.S.A. Periodicals postage paid at New York, NY, and additional mailing offices. Subscription prices, payable in U.S. funds, are $19.95 for one year (6 issues). Additional postage: In Canada add $10 per year, and in all other foreign countries add $20 per year. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to BUST, P.O. BOX 16775, NORTH HOLLYWOOD, CA, 91615.

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X GAMES [BY DEB AMLEN]

dance your cares away

68. Devonshire dad 69. Cutting the mustard 70. Person, place, or thing 71. Sound of contempt 72. Kim Gordon's instrument in Sonic Youth 73. Explorer Fraggle who gets postcards from his uncle, Traveling Matt

Down 1. Opal or ruby 2. Egg cells 3. “Losing My Religion” rock group 4. A, B, C, or D but not DD 5. __ Forever, 1984 Beverly Cleary novel 6. Court cry 7. Stake 8. Puppeteer Lewis 9. Lemonade + ___ = Arnold Palmer 10. Pop singer Amos 11. “Le Freak” disco group 12. Produce a loogie 13. Affirmative votes 21. You might give it to a waiter 22. Shopping binge 23. Ellen Page's career, for example 24. Result of a fistfight 25. Tramp stamp, for one

Across 1. Giant, radish-growing species from Fraggle Rock named Ma, Pa, and Junior 5. Column crossers

20. Fraggle snacks, made from ground-up radishes

29. When doubled, a French actress whose stage name means “pussycat”

23. Backward

31. Numbers to crunch

26. Ready to eat

32. Eaves dropper

9. Mouse on The Simpsons

27. Half a Latin dance

33. Pack man

14. Penultimate fairy-tale word

28. Dental ___

34. Fraggle Rock creator Jim ___

15. Asian nursemaid

30. Main food source for Fraggles, it's grown in

36. Mardi Gras follower

16. Paciﬁc salmon

Junior's garden

38. Grey's Anatomy extras

35. Sir or Madam

39. Sugar bowl marchers

37. “Dies ___” (hymn)

42. Queen topper

18. Start of something big?

40. Wile E. Coyote's favorite mail-order company

43. Step out on

19. Fear of Flying author Jong

41. How important we all are to each other, and the

48. Megan Nicolay can give you 108

17. Vicki Lawrence character to Carol Burnett's Eunice

central theme of the show this puzzle is based on

50. Chuckleheads

45. Reddish-brown

53. Cult BBC comedy starring Jennifer

46. Trespasses in cyberspace

Saunders and Joanna Lumley (abbr.)

47. Capri attraction

54. R&B songstress ___ Moore

49. 180 degrees from NNW

56. In competition

51. Revolutionary Road star DiCaprio, casually

57. Puppy sounds

52. Emulated Dara Torres

58. Arabian Sea nation

55. Alehouse

59. ___ no good

57. Cream used by 1-Across that actually

60. Golfer, at times

keeps them from vanishing

ANSWERS TO “WINTER WARM-UPS” FROM THE FEB/MAR ‘09 ISSUE. FOR ANSWERS TO THIS ISSUE’S PUZZLE, SEE NEXT ISSUE OF BUST.

ways to transform one

44. It's a gas

61. Feels punk, but not in a good way

62. Louvre pyramid architect

65. Tic-tac-toe win

63. Hairdo sported by That Girl

66. Kernel

64. Say Anything actress Skye

67. Another Green World composer Brian // BUST / 095

thelast the lastlaugh laugh {BY ESTHER PEARL WATSON}

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