Journey to a New Me

BY MIRANDA BREIT, Ph.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Emotional and psychological issues are often major factors in obesity and are particularly common among patients seeking or undergoing bariatric surgery. One such issue is codependency, a dysfunctional pattern of relating to others characterized by extreme focus outside of oneself, an extreme dependency on the approval of others, and the simultaneous ignoring of one’s own needs in favor of attending to the needs of others.

People who are codependent appear strong and controlling, but are actually controlled and dependent themselves, often by an illness or disorder, such as alcoholism, substance abuse, or overeating. What has been found to run through codependency and food addiction is a sense of shame, which manifests in low self-esteem, people pleasing, and the neglect of one’s own needs.

The following is the personal story of an actual patient who turned to food to help combat her depression, family stress, and anxiety.

Anna has always been a caretaker. As a child, she babysat; as a teen, she was the teacher’s assistant; and as an adult, she turned to nursing as a career. She had learned at an early age that if she managed responsibilities well, she earned praise from her often-critical mother. Later, working, married, and with four children, she took care of everyone’s needs but her own. It was a rare occasion when she took time for herself. Something as simple as having her nails done was almost an imposition on the time she felt she needed to spend helping others.

Anna coped with her stress by eating. At 5 foot, 3 inches tall, she weighed 261 pounds, almost 120 pounds over a healthy weight.

“The more responsibilities I took on, the more weight I gained,” Anna said. “I just wanted everyone else to be happy, and I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. Food was my ‘go-to’ way of feeling better about all of the stress. I’m such a caring person that it sucked me dry. I lost myself.

“In therapy, I was learning to let go of some of the responsibility for others, expecting them to do more for themselves. As I did so, I was able to focus more clearly on the ‘elephant in the room’ that I was not addressing: my own self-neglect and obesity,” she said. “This was not the person who I was or wanted to be. I felt burdened, heavy with responsibility, and weight. I was literally and figuratively carrying around an extra person. I was finally ready to look more squarely at myself. With encouragement from Dr. Breit, I attended an informational session about Centra’s bariatric surgery program.”

Bariatric, or “weight loss,” surgery is a procedure in which a patient's stomach is reduced in size, thereby reducing the amount of caloric intake that is possible. This surgery, combined with a lifestyle that includes healthy eating and exercise, can minimize excess weight and many of the complications that go along with it.

Bariatric surgery is not for everyone, nor does everyone qualify. Anna did. “I had been heavy for so long,” she said. “The surgery was my last ditch effort.”

Integral with the bariatric surgery program is a patient’s commitment to weight loss. Determined to do something for herself, Anna lost 36 pounds prior to surgery. After the surgery, she lost another 64 pounds. The weight loss resulted in other health benefits as well. Anna no longer takes medications for blood pressure, sleep, or urinary infections, and she has been able to decrease her psychiatric medicines.

Psychologically, Anna realized how her need to be a caregiver had taken over her life. Now, she was committed to sticking with her food plan, meeting with a Centra nutritionist, exercising at the gym, continuing her regular therapy sessions, and attending the bariatric program’s monthly support group.

“When I went to the meetings, I heard stories about people being codependent,” Anna said. “I never realized I was that codependent. But it was me in a nutshell."

“I’ve had to learn to take care of myself. I’m losing weight and giving up the burdens,” Anna said. “I’m like a horse with blinders. I know that all of the needs are still there, but now I let everyone else take care of themselves. It’s enlightening to see myself now,” she said. “I don’t even recognize myself in photos from two years ago. My goals are to keep the weight off and keep myself in a good place. I’ve learned that I can’t take care of everyone.”

But Anna hasn’t given up all of her need to care for others. “I’m telling my story to encourage others,” she said. “I want someone else to benefit from what I’ve learned on this journey.”

Miranda Breit, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist, certified marriage and family therapist, and certified sex therapist. She specializes in relationship issues, couples, families, and sexuality in her private practice at Centra Medical Group Piedmont Psychiatric Center.

Resource: 1.2. www.Altamirarecovery.com/blog/common-thread-food addiction-codependency