Third Place: Two Dolls and a Girl by Ashley Patzwald

Third Place: Creative Nonfiction Two Dolls and a Girl Ashley Patzwald

In 1918, Johnny Gruelle, a cartoonist and illustrator, introduced the world to a rag doll named Raggedy Ann. Two years later, in 1920, Gruelle would introduce the world to her brother Raggedy Andy. The two rag dolls were very recognizable, because they both had red hair and triangles for noses. Andy wore solid blue pants, a checkered red shirt, and a white sailor hat. Ann wore what is called an apron dress. Both dolls had black shoes and leggings that were red and white strips. I’m sure that when Gruelle created the stories of Ann and Andy, he didn’t know that eighty-six years later, he would be giving a little girl two companions. I was six years old, when I received my own Raggedy Ann doll that once belonged to my great grandmother, who I called Nana. I knew who Raggedy Ann was, because I had some plastic dishes with pictures of her and her brother Andy. My Raggedy Ann was not like the doll she was based off. My Ann was made completely out of cloth, and her dress was navy blue and white checkered. She wore an apron that tied around her waist, and pantaloons under her dress. Her hair was not red, and her nose was not a triangle, but a circle. She had round eyes and freckles. I wouldn’t find out, until I was older, that my great Aunt had handmade the doll for Nana. Nana didn’t really take to Ann, for some reason, so Ann was sort of rejected. When I received the doll, I was going through a time in my life where my father had left me behind, and my mother was going through difficult health issues. With these events happening, I found myself being handed over to my grandparents to be raised. My six-year-old heart was given a little comfort, each night, as I would go to bed with Ann laying next to me. A year later, I would reach an age to start getting invited to spend the night at various friends’ houses. Due to being moved around to various family members, when I was a little more than a year old, I had major separation anxiety. This anxiety made it difficult for me to spend the night at any house that was not my own. It didn’t matter how close or far away the house was from home. So, each time I would make the trip to someone’s house, Ann would be safely packed away into my overnight bag. Any time I would wake up with a feeling of unease, I would find Ann lying next to me, and pull her close to my body. I also did this, when I was at home, if I woke up from a bad dream. Ann became more than just a rag doll. She became my protector from monsters that might be under my bed or in my closet. That same year, I began to feel that Ann was lonely, because she had a brother, but he was not with her. As far I could tell, there had never been an Andy that went along with my Ann. That Christmas, the top item on my list for Santa was a Raggedy Andy for my Raggedy Ann. I was not disappointed.

Christmas morning, I was informed by my grandmother that Santa had asked her to make Andy for Ann. For the next few weeks, I watched in wonder as Raggedy Andy became real. He was just like his sister, except my grandma put a heart on his chest. His shirt was blue, and his pants were red. He did not wear a hat, but he did have a red handkerchief that went around his neck. He, just like Ann, had a round nose and freckles. He also wore a hand-drawn smile, unlike his sister, who you could tell just by her eyes that she was happy. After Andy was complete, he would find his rightful place next to his sister in my bed.

Not only would Andy join Ann, but he would also become another protector of mine. After Christmas, when I started going over to my friends’ houses, both Ann and Andy were packed safely in my bag, giving me comfort in the fact that they were there, even if we weren’t home. Another two Christmases would come along, and I would ask Santa for two four-legged companions for Ann and Andy. At the time, I was in sixth grade, and had explained to my grandmother that every little boy needed a dog, and every little girl needed a cat. That Christmas, two stuffed animals were stuck in our Christmas tree by Santa. Just as requested, there was a black and white puppy for Andy, and a grey and white kitten for Ann. Both stuffed animals would join their owners next in line in my bed. They would, however, not accompany me on my overnight journeys. As I grew older, I would take Ann and Andy in my suitcase but rather than take them out, I would keep them hidden inside. Only I needed to know that they had made the trip. Eventually, I stopped taking them at all, because I, by then, was fifteen, and had realized that there were no monsters under the bed or in the closet. They also had stopped laying beside me in bed, instead finding a nice place to sit on a chest of drawers. Their two furry friends joined them so that their little family could be made whole. Both dolls still sit on my chest of drawers, even though I am now twenty years of age. I remember once being told a story by a woman about her daughter who had a blanket she took everywhere. When the daughter became older, the mother took the blanket, and made a pillowcase. That’s what Ann and Andy were, they were a safety blanket. They didn’t tell everyone that I was terrified to leave my house for one night without a family member. It was normal for a little girl my age to have a doll that she wanted to share with her friends. I hope that when I am older, Ann and Andy will help one of my children or grandchildren, as they did me. When I look back, I realize that, as a child, I connected with Ann, because she had been relocated to a new house. Even though she was a doll, I felt as though she still had feelings. When I decided that she needed to have her brother Andy with her, this was because I felt she was lonely, even though she had me. I wasn’t at home all the time, and I felt family was important. When Ann and Andy were reunited, I knew that they would always have each other. I still have a very strong feeling about them always sitting together wherever they are placed. Many people will never understand why I had such a connection with these dolls for such time. To be honest, I didn’t fully understand until recently. Now, I realize that this pair of dolls helped me cope with many things through life, and, for that, I am thankful.