Certains Regards

CERTAINS REGARDS

credits to Wilful Publicity

ÂNGIE - ONE DIRECTION - LADY BIRD

ISSUE I: THE TEEN ISSUE/ FREE

credits to GIPHY

EDITORIAL Our teenage years are the ones which shaped us into the adults we are today. No matter if they have been the best years of your life or the hardest, that time helped you make the decisions which brought you to the course, job or whatever else you are doing in your early twenties. It can be terrifying to grow up, especially in this day and age, where every wrong step and failure feel like a constant reminder that you are nowhere near where you should be yet.

My teenage years were hard, and I couldn’t wait to get out of them as soon as I was able to.

However, I am 22 now and remembering my teenage years brings me a wave of odd nostalgia.

That is really what this zine is about, remembering those days, like an ode to them. This project is the last one I am putting out in the world before graduating and going on to do some very grown up things with my life, like looking for a job in whichever industry I finally settle on, or even worse, actually getting a house and a mortgage and urgh, responsibilities. This zine is a mix between the diary I never finished, and the zine I needed when I was younger but ended up with Grazia, Cosmopolitan and Teen Vogue before it got great thanks to their incredible new editor-in-chief, Elaine Welteroth. It is filled with stuff I couldn’t talk about with anyone, and felt like a weirdo for actually being interested in, such as mental illness, relationships with parents, feminism, art, etc…

You should read this like you go in reading a book without really knowing much about it but the synopsis, many zines declare their content straight away but I know that some parents are very strict and might stop you from reading certain things, god knows my mum did it to me when I was younger. Hence, the need for something light with a pretty girl (Ängie, the swedish badass making music about suicide, weed and pussy) and a few French words on the cover. I mean there’s nothing suspicious about that, right? But if you want some ideas there will be an interview with Ängie, a playlist, an interview with a transgirl on her struggles and journey, a whole feature on depression, another one about Lady Bird and our mothers, and a few more surprises! I also like to think about it as something that my readers can keep with them for a while, and glimpse at whenever they need to, a little bit of comfort when life gets too crazy, just like your favourite book, song, series, or movie. I hope this zine will impact you as much as it impacted me while creating it, and hopefully it will help make your life a little bit better.

Cheers for picking it up, Enjoy and remember well behaved women never make history there’s little time may as well misbehave and be remembered right?

Noura (THE EDITOR THE CREATOR THE MIND BEHIND THIS ZINE)

credits to DrawMeASong.com

PLAYLIST OF OUR TEENAGE YEARS

Remember 8tracks? The app where many among us were able to create our very own playlists; it was truly one of the best things the internet came up with. The process was simple; tap in a word, and within seconds you get a few hundred playlists all different and somehow related to what you want to listen to. But finding the right playlist, the one that had all the right songs, the right feeling, the one that made you feel the way you needed to was exhausting. Once you found the one, just like love you had to keep it, and play it over and over again. Many underestimate the true power of a really great playlist, songs that can change your mood within seconds, it is a weapon used by its creators to get us through a surge of emotions. With this playlist, I am the curator not only of this magazine but of your nostalgia, your joy and your tears. I am bringing you back to the indie noughties, the poppy 90’s, to those emo days which for many among us went on to be our fangirl days.

So, grab your favourite alcohol (I suggest a very cheap white or rosé), put on your favourite face mask, grab that amazing scented candle, put your speakers on, and enjoy a trip down the road of nostalgia while reading our first issue.

If I Were A Boy- Beyonce Queen B did best when it came to powerful ballads about having your heartbroken and double standards. She has the best bangers of the 2000’s and all these years later she’s still coming out with many more, she’s the Queen for a reason after all. ‘If I Were A Boy’ is one of her classics, and to be honest a classic in all things pop. You must have blared it through your headphones in grade 8 and probably haven’t stopped since.

Nine In The Afternoon – Panic At The Disco!

This is an incredible bop, but it also is the perfect example of those songs we used to scream the lyrics to, not realizing what they meant. I promise it feels just as great to do the same 10 years later, when you actually understand the innuendos. I may even have sung this while having eyes as big as the moon.

Party In The USA – Miley Cyrus You may have been a Disney Channel kid, tuning in every day to watch Hannah Montana, the Suit Life of Zack and Cody or the Wizards of Waverly place, or maybe not (some of us were just too poor to afford the channel). No matter, you’ve heard this song, either at a school disco, a Sweet Sixteen birthday party, or a college party where everyone even the frat boys just nod their head like yeah! This is a definite 2010’s banger, and it is probably the anthem of the late millennials, early Gen Z! Baby – Justin Bieber/Ludacris Making a playlist about my (well our) teenage years and not having ‘Baby’ would be close to blasphemous. It did get really annoying at one point during 2010 when it was played everywhere, so much so that even your mom knew the lyrics, but hearing it a decade later, the joy of singing this song is even stronger than it was back when we were teens.

What Goes Around Comes Back Around – Justin Timberlake/Timbaland We were all way too young when Justin was part of N’Sync, but definitely old enough to remember some of his best jams, including this one. Not only Timbaland (aka the best producer of the

2000’s-2010’s) is featured on the song, but it is one of the best Timberlake songs ever. This one is for the nostalgia of what Timberlake could once do, which he destroyed in the last few years.

Sk8ter Boi- Avril Lavigne Emo kid or not you know this, emo kid or not you sang this song so fucking loud you were probably left whispering for days. I mean, can I make it anymore obvious?

Hot N’ Cold/Kissed a Girl -Katy Perry Those are not only some of the best bangers of the 2000’s but they probably are the best Katy Perry songs ever. The videos to both these songs are also probably the first times I realized I may be bisexual, but don’t tell my mum.

Riot Van- Arctic Monkeys I know most people know ‘I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor’ but ‘Riot Van’ is my personal favourite, how many times did I listen to this song dreaming I was living in London with some cute English guy by myside being all loved up and cute and singing along to this song? I did end up living in London and got the cute English guy, unfortunately he’s not that into Arctic Monkeys … I will break him down sooner than later (and if you put on “Black Parade” instead I promise I won’t get mad.

Teenagers- My Chemical Romance EMO KIDS WHERE R THOU??? ‘Welcome To The Black Parade’ is probably MCR biggest song but it’s been played so much through my university years that I just can’t bare It anymore. In all honesty ‘Teenagers’ is just as good to listen to!

One Thing- One Direction My obsession for all things British may have started before One Direction? but being a crazy teenage fangirl of the best boyband of the 2010’s definitely pushed the obsession to its extreme and finished (although considering the fact they were my most played artists of 2017, I’m not sure it has finished yet) with me applying to a uni in the UK. I choose ‘One Thing’ over ‘What Makes You Beautiful’, because it’s just a hella lot better, and I’ve watched the video so many times I can probably do all the moves by heart (I tried, I can).

So here you are a small playlist, and a first look into my life as a teenager, if I’m being completely honest the playlist could have been 10000 songs long, and they all would’ve been top hits from 2008 to 2014, and even more honesty? They are the songs I still listen to now. Ooops??

crdits to Harumi Hironaka

WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A FANGIRL

credits to Mirror Pix

Unless you have been living in some kind of cave, you have definitely heard of fangirls, or even have been (are) one. You know the world of fangirls is a complicated one, and really kind of like a full-time job. If you know me, you know that I used to be a fangirl - well I still am, but I am trying to pretend it is all behind me. As a 15-year-old until, well now, I was a massive One Direction and 5 Seconds of Summer fangirl. I spent every waking moment dedicated to them, I was all over Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Tumblr and every other social media platform. I ruled official fan accounts, tried to write (bad) fan fictions, tweeted endlessly to get followed or just to get them to win awards, researched through hours of gossip discerning what was true to what was untrue, made friends for life, and just found a great community to support me throughout some of the worst years of my life.

Expect beating hearts, sweatiness and small spasms, with a mild need to scream out your lungs.

The main thing you have to understand about fangirling is it’s not as much about the band as it is about the community surrounding whichever band you’re into. And the community around One Direction and 5SOS is HUGE, as in millions of fangirls all dedicating themselves to the band and to support each other. They usually meet on social media, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, fan fictions take your pick, and then friendship forms, long lasting friendship, friendships which may have started online but end up being some of the most important relationships of your life. What you need to understand about fangirling is that it is full of emotions, you are literally drowning in your own emotions. Expect beating hearts, sweatiness and small spasms, with a mild need to scream out your lungs. And that is often every single time, so as I said it is a full-time job.

It is a lot of daydreaming as well, usually helped from fan fictions. Wattpad is your best friend as a fangirl, Skyblog was as well back in the day, and obviously A03. However, the home of the fangirl, especially musical fangirls, are the gigs. Imagine coming into the queue at 7 am, or the whole night before, making friends in the queue, sharing your love and passion for the same thing, sharing parts of your life, sharing memories and food, and cigarettes and excitement. The excitement is literally all over the place, it’s buzzing with love and camaraderie, and singalongs to ‘What Makes You Beautiful’.

It’s the best time where no one is judging you or what you are doing because you’re all in your own element. Looking back on it I remember those moments as the ones I felt the more at peace with life and everything around me. It’s a community and a home away from home, a bit like a cult but without all the creepiness around it. This month I went to meet the new 5SOS fans, and some of the old, and I also went to a Harry Styles concert (told you I was not over my fangirling days). I realized hours and hours after chasing down 5SOS all over London, managing to stand in front of my beloved Calum Hood unable to do anything but say “Hi”, and a horribly shacking hand take pictures of other people with him instead of getting my own picture.

What I was chasing was that feeling of being at home, and my old friends. I really loved being a part of it and I imagine that as I’m growing up nothing makes sense and it is just too damn hard and complicated, so I guess I’m trying to figure out how to hold on to those easy, crazy, amazing days. It’s a little like going back to your mom’s house when everything goes to utter shit.

I guess it would be hard to go back now, and even if I tried it wouldn’t be the same as I am not the same person, but I do know it will always a feels a tiny bit like home, and I will always be a fangirl at heart …

What I was chasing was that feeling of being at home.

credits go to Billboard magazine

Instagram Artists: Meet Young Women Using The Platform To Share Their Art credits to Bayley Leaves

Most of us have an Instagram profile, mainly using it to display our lives to our friends, or just to store some of our best memories. However, lately many artists have found in social media, especially Instagram, a way to display their art and get recognition they wouldn’t have had in other places. I’ve talked to two very talented girls, one from Berlin and the other from Brussels, one, Bailey draws and the other, Elena, is a photographer. Here’s a glimpse into their lives behind the follow button.

Bailey, From Berlin (@bayleaves) CR: What do you do apart from being an artist?

B: Apart from being an artist, I am a massive appreciator of the arts. Berlin is such a great city for that. There are so many openings and wonderful artists I have been introduced to since moving here a little over a year ago. I struggle with depression, anxiety and being a human, which takes up a good bit of my time as well. That and my day job of course.

CR: When did you start drawing and painting?

B: Honestly, for as long as I can remember. I was/still am very shy and this lead me to spend of lot of time drawing as a kid. My step grandfather, Tony Benedict, was a cartoonist for Hanna-Barbera in the 1970s. He was the first person to really teach me how to draw and map out figures with circles and squares as he would for his cartoons.

«I consider some communities within social media safe spaces but as a whole it is about as safe as any other possible space.»

CR: How did you come upon the idea of painting nude selfies?

B: I remember a couple years ago when Kim Kardashian’s selfie book came out (with very limited sales I might add). I thought the craziest thing was that it came from the famed New York publishing house, Rizzoli. Although dripping with capitalism, at the very least, this was a step to viewing the selfie as art form. Or at least, this publishing house famous for art books was proposing that by making this book. And I guess art and capitalism have a pretty sordid history so it is hard to say that one cheapens the other when at this point they are so very connected. But I could talk about that for ages…

The idea for nude selfie came from wanting to take this really new art form (a selfie) and place it

in the context of traditional art (a painting).

CR: Is it a weird process? I would imagine that most of us don’t want to share our nudes with the world, how do you get people to agree with you painting them?

B: The first person I asked to paint was a photographer based out of Denver, Colorado named Morgan Rodríguez. We knew each other from college where we were a part of an art collective called Yours In Art. Yours In Art threw a lot of “gallery” parties in people’s houses and artist co-living spaces around Seattle. I think why I asked to paint her was because I respected her work and the way it included female nudes.

Since then I have continued to ask people over Instagram who inspire me. One piece from the series is of Hannah Hill. Her work reclaims embroidery art as something that is fine art and I find that really powerful. I guess I just asked her in her DMs one day and she agreed.

Phrasing the question makes me really nervous I don’t want someone to think I am a creep. So far no one has been offended.

CR: What part does Internet culture play in your personal life?

B: Internet culture always seemed so much easier for me to reach out and connect with people. I actually met the boy who I lost my virginity to through friends of friends over Myspace. I think I friended him and we started talking one day when I was in 8th grade. Still today I meet other artists through Instagram. I am very critical when people talk about meeting over the Internet as being inorganic when for me it has always been the most natural thing.

CR: Do you consider social media a great tool for inspiration and as a platform for your art to get recognized?

B: I spent a brief stint working at Bryan Ohno gallery in Seattle and an even briefer one at the Mariane Ibrahim Gallery (I think I only spent a week behind a desk while Ibrahim was attending an art fair). People would come in pretty regularly to these established galleries with something drawn on a piece of paper and ask if the gallery would be interested in showing their work.

Which is not how galleries work at all. The crazy thing is so many artists don’t know the path to get there, do not have access to the resources or the connections. The established art world can be really limiting as to whom it chooses to be valued. With social media, I think more diverse audiences can find the art that speaks to them.

CR: Do you consider social media a safe space?

B: I consider some communities within social media safe spaces but as a whole it is about as safe as any other possible space.

credits to Bayley Leaves

credits to Elena Majecki

Elena, From Brussels (@thats_el) CR: How did you get into photography?

E: In the most random way possible: my aunt gave me her old film camera with some rolls of film. I was already taking pictures with my phone but having a proper camera was life changing.

A year later I got a digital camera and started taking photo classes CR: How do you use your camera as a tool for creativity?

E: My camera allows me the share with the world: my view of the world, my adventures and my everyday life. I always have a film camera on me and shoot anything that catches my eye.

CR: What are your favourite things to shoot?

E: People! Whether it’s bands, friends, or random people in the streets. People are my favourite thing to shoot. I’d like to develop the human and vulnerability aspect of some of my friends, but also bands’ personality in the years to come.

CR: Do you think you have a certain way of looking at things which other people don’t?

E: Yes, definitely and that’s why I’m doing photography. I don’t think that the way I see the world makes me better than someone else cause at the end we all see the world in our own way. However, it pushes me to document my world and the way I live it.

CR: Who inspires you?

E: All the bad bitches. Whether it’s my girl friends who makes bold and badass decisions such as moving to London to realise their dream or the women I see on stage, or fellow female photographers, badass women are my main source of inspiration.

CR: You dabble in music photography world would you like to share some of your worst and best experiences?

E: First I want to say that as a female photographer I hear a lot about sexual assaults at gigs but I have never witnessed or been a victim of such experience. However, I have had bad experiences with men at gigs, especially photographers in Paris. They often oppress female photographers by making them feel insecure and not worthy to be there.

The best experience however was shooting from the pit at Columbine’s gig in Lille. I was there for a photo project coming later this year and the band nicely gave me and my partner in crime, Alexandra, a last-minute photo pass. But as this band is close to their audience and they often go see the first rows at gigs, they changed the rules of ‘3 songs and no flash’ to ‘no flash but you can stay for the whole gig’. In the end, we had awesome pictures of both the bands and fans.

CR: This is our TEEN ISSUE, has your art in any way gave you closure with your teenage years?

Do you still struggle with some things you struggled with as a teen?

B: It really did. My teenage years were not the best and definitely not the worst. I used to spend a lot of time on my own because I wanted to. I also liked being on my own and listening to music, exploring cultures in some way and reading books more than hanging out with random and meaningless people. And starting photography has become a way to continue through this path by using what I’ve seen, learned and dreamed about for years. It also became a way to close a chapter of my life where I couldn’t create anything. By taking pictures I grew up and became more confident and I finally became the person I wanted to be, I also got to start my own projects rather than just watch people on internet making art.

«Never forget that you have a whole universe inside of you, it’s only waiting to be showed to the world.»

CR: What would you say to your 16-year-old self?

B: You’ll become the person you couldn’t even dream about and you ended up exactly where you’re supposed to be. And never forget that you have a whole universe inside of you, it’s only waiting to be showed to the world.

CR: How did Brussels shape and influence your style?

B: Brussels is a very creative and fast city. It’s the perfect mix between Paris and London. You can spend one night in an underground party or gig and the next day to a mainstream gig at Forest National. Living in a multicultural city makes you think further than what you’ve been used to and pushes you to be creative in the best way possible.

So, there you have it a glimpse at some of the artists who decided to showcase their work on Instagram, and their journey of self-acceptance through art, and recognition.

I hope this article gives you a reason to start on your journey, enjoy it and learn to accept yourself, your passions and everything in between.

credits to Elena Majecki

OUR MOTHERS AND

credit to Naomi Tard

Many movies depict the relationship between mother and daughter, especially around adoles cence. Between Freaky Friday (Lindsay Lohan playing a rebellious and frankly quite annoying teenager who switches bodies with her mum), Thirteen (a dark coming of age where a tween turns into a promiscuous, self-harming, drug taking teenager with a young mum who has never really grown up), to Carrie (a telekinetic girl who has to deal with an overly strict, conservative, extremely abusive catholic mum), every side of the daughter/mother relationship seems to have been explored in film. Most of these movies get it but not quite yet, they flirt with the truth of what these relationships are but often go overboard, or venture down a route which is honestly quite improbable.

However, 2018 graced us with Lady Bird, starring the incredibly talented Saoirse Ronan as Christine “Lady Bird” Mcpherson, and Laurie Metcalf as her mum, Marion Mcpherson, the movie directed by Greta Gerwig hits the nail repetitively when it comes to teenage daughters and their relationships with their mothers.

Lady Bird is a 17-year-old girl living in Sacramento, California with dreams of the Big Apple, and being the next Carrie Bradshaw. She attends a catholic school where her wittiness, quirkiness and all-around coolness feels both ill fitted and perfectly at place. Nevertheless, Lady Bird is far from the clichéd female lead which riddle coming of age stories, pretty but somehow with no clue of it, shy and at the same time super badass, sarcastic and witty. You know THAT character. Lady Bird is a character in which I found myself; how many times have I written the names of my crushes either on my bed or desk? Or all the times I read a magazine dreaming about an amazing glamourous life far away from where I lived (despite living in the pretty romantic Paris), all the times I longed to be part of the cool kids and sometimes left my best friends to be able to spend time with them, how many times did I fight with my mother over and over again, and how many times did I feel like the world revolved around me and me only?

Lady Bird is a character in which I found myself; how many times have I written the names of my crushes either on my bed or desk?

Lady Bird is not the perfect character, she is at times annoying, and she irked me in such a way I had the urge to shake her by the shoulders and tell her to grow up, but she is the closest representation of a teenage girl, and daughter I have ever seen. Gerwig narrates (both in the script and behind the camera) Lady Bird and Marion’s relationship so perfectly I felt as if I was watching an old tape of my relationship with my mum. One scene which strikes to mind immediately is the

credits to Art Vandeley

one where they are shopping for a dress and bittering until they find the perfect dress and stop to gush over it. I remember all the times I have done the exact same thing with my mum.

Lady Bird and her mum are in a constant battle, one is trying to spread her wings and find herself, while the other is longing for her daughter to understand that dreams aren’t all that and sometimes life is just too harsh, while trying to protect her from all of it. Their characters seem somehow put in parallel, many times in the movie there a character compares mother and daughter; their caring, strong wild and stubborn personality are so obviously similar they clash all the time. And many among us can find ourselves in those constant reminders that we are indeed like our mothers, which as a rebelling teenager can feel like the worst thing to hear: “ME? Like my mother? NEVER!”

There’s also this lack of communication while constantly talking, the way every single word which comes out of Marion’s mouth feel like a direct attack to what and who Lady Bird is, as If she doesn’t accept her, love her as she is. And I have felt that, still feel it at times when my mum calls, despite my 22 years old and having lived by myself for 3 years, it still feels like she’s picking at everything I am. But Lady Bird understands, just as I do with my mum, that it comes from a place of deep care which the movie reminds us is at the root of any love.

And Marion cares deeply so much so that sometimes she just does the wrong thing, she doesn’t talk to Lady Bird for weeks before she has to leave for college, because of pride, and she even drove off while dropping her off without as much as a proper goodbye. But we can on her face as she realizes that her baby is about to leave to live the big life in New York City, and she does a U-Turn just to arrive a bit too late. And there’s love, deep love in both of those decision.

Sometimes love especially, that one is selfish but always caring All of these things, and more make Lady Bird the best depiction in a movie of the bond between a mother and her daughter, because sometimes love especially, that one is selfish but always caring. Because we always fight with our mothers, and we always hate them a tiny bit, and they love being on our back about every little thing, but they love us tenderly and with force and we reciprocate that love just as much, especially as hormonal teenagers. But just like lady Bird once we leave home, when the bickering is not constant, when we miss home, we understand that our mums are just trying their best with what they have and sometimes we just need to let them love us the way they need to.

credits to ANNA PARINI FOR THE BOSTON GLOBE

The hidden part of depression: Self-Harm, and why we need to talk about it.

As I sat down on the bus I could see the wrist of the girl sitting next to me, a faded scar peeking through her sleeves, she felt me staring and immediately reached to hide it. I had the urge to pull up my own sleeves and show her my scars but something stopped me, I believe it’s society.

Mental health has been taboo for a while, but thank god in the last few years it has been put back on the table and people are finally acknowledging diseases of the mind, especially depression and anxiety. However, even in 2018, many sides of struggling with your mental health are taboo, including self-harm.

In the world of mental health struggles many have self-harmed, even more have thought about it. Self-harm ranges from anorexia and bulimia, to addiction and actual cutting, burning and any other physical injuries which are self-inflicted. We will mainly focus on the later as it is the one which most people don’t understand, which is barely talked about in media and or anywhere else. And when it is brought up in the conversation it is always through a negative lens.

Self-injury is often seen as a cry for help and attention, or even a failed suicide attempt, but it is so much more complicated than that. It is an addiction of itself, it is a copying mechanism, and it is a representation of our failure as a society which just keep continuing.

Now we all more or less grasp the “whys” behind addiction, eating disorders, etc. But it is hard to understand what pushes someone to inflict physical harm upon themselves, what drives them to punch a wall, bring a razor, or flame to their bodies. According to the UK’s National Health Service, over half of people who die from suicide have a history of self-harm, but self-harm is usually not a suicide attempt. As the NHS website notes, “the intention is more often to punish themselves, express their distress or relieve unbearable tension. Sometimes the reason is a mixture of both.” Weirdly enough, many who self-harm, also use it when feeling numb, the feeling of

the blade on the skin and the adrenaline that comes from the pain from the blade brings them a sense of feeling alive.

One of the most important trait which links all self-harmers is an extreme low self-esteem, and extreme emotions. Self-harmers drown so much in their own negative emotions; they take up all their beings and leave them out of control. On the other hand, physical pain is controllable to a certain degree, inflicting on yourself a physical pain which you have somewhat control over, takes your mind of the inside pain, the one many have no resources to deal with. Furthermore, in today’s society physical pain has more value than mental pain; someone with a broken arm will be treated with love and care, whereas someone with unstable emotions will be treated either as crazy, manipulative or unstable. Putting the pain on your skin makes it real and it can also be a way to let people know about what is going on inside.

However, using cutting as a way of communication can have a terrible impact if the person on the receiving hand of the message does not understand it. When my family saw my scars for the first time, my mother’s reaction was, “how can you be so selfish, you just ruined your life?”.

There was nothing selfish about the scars all over my arms, ones I managed to hide for a good four years before anyone else saw them. She did not see the pain underneath them, the evident turmoil and need for help and comfort, she just saw an annoying teenage girl who didn’t receive what she wanted, so she lashed out.

Putting the pain on your skin makes it real and it can also be a way to let people know about what is going on inside.

I remember the first time I took a pair of scissors to my wrists; I was barely 12 years old, my mum and I just got into an intense argument, I felt trapped in my own world, I wanted to scream but I couldn’t, crying made me feel weak and I had so much anger I just wanted to explode. But instead I imploded and drew it out through my wrists. My cousin just showed me the movie Thirteen by Catherine Hardwicke, and that scene where the main character cuts herself and says: “the feeling it gave me, the release” stayed with me. I wanted to know if it was true, so I did it, and I vividly remember how it felt. The fear of the pain, and yet as soon as that blade touched the skin and started to draw blood I felt like every part of my being was calming down. Weirdly enough it felt the same as when the downers finally kick in, rushed adrenaline followed by intense calm, which is understandable as the endorphins released are the same, hence the addictive part of self-harming.

Now that the “whys” have been made clearer, we need to figure out how we can have a discussion about it, and how we can help young people before it is too late, and possibly has already happened.

There are many campaigns to prevent eating disorder, addiction and to bring sexual awareness to young people, but there is nothing to prevent self-harm, which is foolish. According to the Royal College of Psychiatrists: “About 1 in 10 young people will self-harm at some point, but it can happen at any age. In a study of over 4000 self-harming adults in hospital, 80% had overdosed and around 15% had cut themselves. In the community, it is likely that cutting is a more common way of self-harming than taking an overdose.” These are very high numbers for a condition that is more often than not ignored or looked upon negatively. By not talking about it we put all of those people on the fringe of society, contributing to their feelings of self-loathing.

To prevent cutting we need to expose every single teen, not just the emotionally hard up ones, with tools to deal with negative thoughts and teach them that they can navigate through their hard times with a better coping mechanism. Introducing every teenager to CBT should be a school requirement, as it is a technique used to understand and acknowledge your negative feelings and thoughts, and the behaviours that happen when you have these moments and how to fight them. Not only it will equip kids with a way to cope with adolescence but it will also help them in the future, and potentially they could be able to spot if someone else is going through one of those moments, and how to help them.

In a generation riddled with the notion of absolute success, overworking and individuality, we need to start accepting failure. We need to teach our generation, and the future generations that you need to accept the worst part of you, because they are normal, and accepting them will only make it easier in the future. Acknowledging this will probably drive kids to be more open about their mental struggles, and possibly prevent many from self-harm, and in worst cases, suicide.

It is time to talk about self-harm, it is time to put in place resources to access better coping mechanism. It is time to remove the taboo pin from the darkest sides of mental health.

IMPORTANT REMINDER: If you feel suicidal there’s plenty of ways to get help; Talk to your friends or family if you can and if you can’t you can call these different helplines: Childline – for children and young people under 19 Call 0800 1111 Papyrus – for people under 35 Call 0800 068 41 41 – Monday to Friday 10am to 10pm, weekends 2pm to 10pm, bank holidays 2pm to 5pm Text 07786 209697 Email pat@papyrus-uk.org Samaritans – for everyone Call 116 123 Email jo@samaritans.org Or if you need therapy you can contact mind.org which is an NHS organization helping people, if you are felling extremely suicidal they will also refere you to your local common mental health center.

And if you feel like talking to someone who’s been through it before you can always pop us an email at certainsregards342@gmail.com Remember, you are not alone

credits to wilfuul publicity

In conversation with Ă„ngie: The controversial Swedish star

Ängie has been referred to by the Sun as “The Most Shocking pop star of 2016” back when her first single ‘Smoke Weed, Eat Pussy’ came out. Receiving this title while you’ve just come out of your teenage years can be daunting but not for the now 22-year-old pop artist. I knew that The Sun love giving out exaggerated names to artists who differ from the norm, so I decided to interview Ängie myself to see if she actually is “The Most Shocking pop star” of our generation, or if maybe she is just a perfect reflection of our generation. Ängie got in the music business back in 2016 when she sent snapchats to the Swedish duo Death Team, who like her raping so much they have asked her to join them in the studio and possibly create her first single. A few years down the line she has released her first album called ‘Suicidal since 1995’, a few videos and has over 23.5 thousand followers on Instagram. However, her true power lies in the way she manages to mix very cutesy and kitschy videos with rough trap beats and some post PC music influences, and lyrics you expect more from Lil Peep or Yung Lean - a fellow Swedish rapper. When asked about her lyrics and reputation given by The Sun and other English tabloids I can hear her chuckling on the other line, “if I was a male I would never ever be described as provocative, but I am 20 something girl so it’s outrageous. Many males have been singing and rapping about weed, sex, and pussy for years, why are they not deemed provocative?”. There lies an obvious double standard which we can only suspect from controversial Christian rightist publications, but within Gen Z many of her lyrics ring true.

«Many males have been singing and rapping about weed, sex, and pussy for years, why are they not deemed provocative» Ängie comes from in Nynäshamn, “a little ghetto countryside weird place” in Stockholm County, conservative as they come. It was difficult for her, especially as a bisexual struggling with mental illness, she confesses “at 13 I started going to the therapist, it was hard, and I felt like therapy didn’t help very much, so I turned to drugs, as weed helped with anxiety and my suicidal thoughts at the time. I was just able to forget about everything, get wasted and not have to deal with it. Especially, in my little town where no one really understands any of those things …” She even struggled with self-harm, admitting that she used to cut to “feel alive, maybe even a cry for help. And I want to be vocal about it because no one does in the media and people end up thinking that artists don’t go through these stuff, that we are strong, but we are not. We do go through this stuff and we do understand.” Her Instagram is a reflection of this, in the midst of artists pictures of herself cigarette at the mouth (or joint), she also has some inspirational quotes and never forgets about her fans. “I try to keep close with and answer to everyone, I have a group which my fans can join and we just talk about different stuff. It can be stressful trying to answer everyone but I do it nonetheless, they need it and it makes their day when I do it”.

When watching her videos, you can pick up that her videos seem to always fit a different aesthetics, and her hair colour. Some good examples are ‘Housewife Spliffin’’ which is very blueish, cutesy with an underlining sense of danger, same with ‘Smoke Weed, Eat Pussy’ where Ängie stands out in front of a vibrant pink background, holding guns, smoking a blunt and throwing fake cash around. “Usually I write the songs first and then draw the video from there, in ‘Dope’ the video is very different from the previous ones, it’s like very red and dark and punchy, and I just thought it would have been a great fit for the song. I draw a lot of my influences from Lana Del Rey, who has these very epic videos who give the song something more. So yeah, I want to be different, but I think the influence is still quite clear in that.”

In that sense there is not much controversy about her. It is just that the girls are done playing with dolls and are finally able to reclaim places in the music industry which were predominately male.

Place where if a woman were to get through the cracks she could not show her vulnerability, but with Ängie you get both. Ängie may seem very controversial to many but as she told me she draws her music from her life, “every song is like a diary, all of it is true, it comes from my own experiences.” And it is very clear that for a lot of these experiences, many girls have experienced today. In that sense there is not much controversy about her. It is just that the girls are done playing with dolls and are finally able to reclaim places in the music industry which were predominately male. Place where if a woman were to get through the cracks she could not show her vulnerability, but with Ängie you get both.

credits to wilfuul publicity

In Conversation With Aimee: A Girl Tells Us How It Is To Be Transgender

credits to Noura Ikhlef

In the last few years there has been many discussions on the concept of gender, what it meant, what was being cisgender, transgender, non-binary, it reached different media platform, especially social media, and has more and more talks have been put in place to understand gender. I was not always the woke woman I am today, and some of my parents believes may have been passed on to me slightly (although I do remember fiercely defending Conchita when my dad was being a prick about her during her Eurovision performance). However, last year I met one of my best mate of my closest, badest pals: Aimee. She is transgender, and I thought while making this magazine that I wanted her to have her own special article. Not only because I believe that some of the things she says may help young trans, but also because I felt like having the story of someone who is still figuring her life out, while also succeeding one published article at a time, just proves that sometimes you just need to own yourself, even when not everything is perfect.

CR: When did you realize were not in the right body, that you were transgender?

A: I don’t think I realized I was transgender until later on, but I realized I wasn’t in the right body quite early at around 3 or 4 or something like that. I never really had much context of what transgender exactly was, until later on in my late teens when I decided to come out. I always knew there was something there but I thought it was something I was gonna hide forever. I can’t say there was some dramatic realization and it felt natural when it happened.

CR: How was the experience of coming out to your friends and family?

A: It was really liberating, felt like I was freed from some cage, you always worry about who’s gonna say what but at the end of the day you just have to do it and be true to yourself.

CR: What advice would you give to young teens coming out?

A: Just persevere with it and whatever happens they will be in the wrong side of history. If it feels true to you, just do it.

CR: Is that what you wish you told yourself when you were younger?

A: I do think school would have been horrible if I did it then, so it was the right to do it in college, I was sure about it, if I did it earlier I would have gone back on it loads, I’m really happy about the time I did it.

CR: What coping mechanisms did you use to get through transphobia?

A: I haven’t had to deal with much transphobia. However, to get through the process of changing gender I just found people to relate to in media and art, thinking they have been through the same things and managed through it all helped a lot. If we are talking about before I came out I mainly used escapism, these like different rounds.

CR: Do you think that representation is very important?

A: It’s really important, I think don’t there is enough positive transgender representation, I think there needs to be people famous for things other than being transgender, more artists, writers, actors, etc. I don’t like the focus on people who are famous mainly for being trans, I just think it should be normal, personally I don’t see myself as a trans person, I am a person. I do believe, sometimes it does help, but when it becomes the sole thing you are, I don’t think you should build everything you are and you do around your identity, you should have other things.

«I just think it should be normal, personally I don’t see myself as a trans person, I am a person. I do believe, sometimes it does help, but when it becomes the sole thing you are, I don’t think you should build everything you are and you do around your identity, you should have other things.»

credits to Noura Ikhlef

credits to Noura Ikhlef

PROFESSIONAL STUDENTS: Meet The Students With A Foot In Journalim

It can be scary to get your foot in any industry. Networking, professionalism, career; those are

only a few of the words you hear once you get to university, they are terrifying, and if you are like

me you may just want to bury your head in the sand and forget about it until you graduate. Howe-

ver, now that I am nearly graduating I realize that may have been a stupid idea, bear in mind I have

done some internships, written for a few places, but it was just too much work having responsibili-

ties within the music industry, while keeping up with uni and also having a normal job. But luckily

for me, some of my friends have been doing so and I have asked them all the same questions about

how to get in this goddamned industry and maybe possibly get an actual job out of it. So here are

their answers and hopefully it will help you to get in either in the music industry or any industry

you would like to get in really.

So get ready to meet Laviea Thomas / writer for Vulture Hound, Aimee Armstrong: writer for The

Quietus and Loud And Quiet among others, Alexander Van Weston Noon: writer for The Quietus

and Cal Cashin: writer for So Young Clash, The Quietus and others.

Meet Laviea CR: How did you manage to write/work for publications while being a student?

Has it been hard to keep up with deadlines in both parts?

L: I pitched to lots of magazines and blogs online by checking out their websites, seeing what genres they covered and then sending them an email with the subject of, re: Contribution Request. Within this email I would include some attachments of the work I had done for uni so that they could see how enthusiastic I was for writing and I would also attach my website so that they could see my passion for writing. In managing deadlines with uni and independent work, I would say for me personally, yes it has been very difficult at times, there’s been times where I’ve had to email lecturers and apology for not coming in because I’m trying to juggle their work with magazine deadlines. Not all blogs are lenient with uni students and so can sometimes have a high demand with writing. But, for me, I personally like this, at me makes me work harder, yes It does stress me out, but it also helps me see how far I can push myself.

CR: What is your best/worst memory dealing with a publication?

L: My best memory dealing with a publication would go to Kerrang! Magazine, throughout the whole of first year I pitched my work to them in hopes to have the opportunity to write for them, I never got a response throughout this whole year, I direct messaged the editors on both Instagram and Twitter and sent regular emails. This continued to the start of second year. However, it wasn’t until last week did I decide to pitch one last time, and I got a response, and it was very positive, they mentioned that they didn’t have spaces currently but that they will consider my work and that I should keep in touch with them. For me, personally this is a big achievement for me, although I haven’t gotten the work experience, it’s the point of persevering, not giving up and just being patient as everything falls into place in its own time. My worst memory dealing with a publication would go to when I had a psycho meltdown at my editor when he asked me a simple question of, ‘have you done interviews before.’ Knowing I had been studying Music Journalism for two years and writing for a bunch of blogs, I saw this question as patronising and lashed out, putting my job role for this mag at a high risk. However, he was incredibly understanding and respected that I was just having a bad day and that I didn’t mean to lash out at him.

CR: Is it easier to get any work/propositions once you actually get in the email lists?

I think once you’re on a mailing list and or on a pr contacts list that it opens a window of opportunities for you. Reason being is because you’re getting information first hand, and you are basically the one who they want to contact first. I think as a Journalist, it’s essential to have a good amount of connections with pr companies and mailing lists.

CR: Is it something you think you will keep doing for a while?

L: I really, really, enjoy being a Music Journalist. However, it is definitely a very hard job, it’s a crazy competitive industry and the money isn’t always good, but I think the crack is, if you aren’t all in it, it’s hard to succeed or do well. I am constantly trying to work harder and for more publications, I see the more experience you get, the better your portfolio. I think you can have a sustainable living as a freelancer if you’re putting in the effort to be one. Having said that, studying Music Journalism, there is a window of music related jobs that you can take from this degree which can help you maintained a sustainable living, for example you could go into PR, Events Management, Lecturing, Teaching the list goes on and on.

credits to Noura Ikhlef

Meet Cal Cashin CR: How did you manage to write/work for publications while being a student?

Has it been hard to keep up with deadlines in both parts?

C: I think the main thing to bear in mind is that at all times you need to know what your priorities are. It’s not set in stone whether uni work or writing for publications is more important, you just gotta play it by ear. I guess you just gotta be aware of when deadlines are at all times.

CR: What is your best/worst memory dealing with a publication?

C: My worst memory is probably interviewing a Cambridge eight-piece rock ‘n’ roll group two days before the singer was outed as a rapist. It’s hard to beat that. A close second would be the time I wrote an article about landfill indie dodge-pots Catfish and the Bottlemen and loads of their fans sent me hate mail. It’s all fun here. Conversely though, it’s a lot harder to choose a best memory. Maybe it was getting paid for the first time? I liked that a lot. Made me feel dead proud.

CR: Is it easier to get any work/propositions once you actually get in the email lists?

C: Uhhhh, I guess. I think once you’re working at a high enough level, and your name’s out there, editors will reply to you unconditionally, and PR people will start emailing you outta the blue.

CR: Is it something you think you will keep doing for a while?

C: Yeah, I reckon so. Maybe I’ll have to do a bit off sellin’ out till the green rolls in, but I think if you try hard enough it’s a possibility.

credits to Noura Ikhlef

Meet Alex CR: How did you manage to write/work for publications while being a student? Has it been hard to keep up with deadlines in both parts?

A: It’s just a case of being in the right place at the right time, talk to people at gigs – you never know, they may end up being an editor for The Wire or something. Deadline wise, it’s more the case that university has got in the way of my professional work, rather than the other way around.

CR:What is your best/worst memory dealing with a publication?

A: My best memory is from when I started working for The Quietus, they invited me in to the office and gave me a lot of advice and tutoring when it came to writing. It was a really nice atmosphere in the office – probably the best introduction to working for a publication I could have got! The worst memory is probably when I was tasked to interview a techno producer, who I won’t name, for The Quietus. They were essentially impossible to contact and have a worthwhile conversation with. It has ended up that I still haven’t interviewed them and they are still pulling me along, promising we will get around to it soon.

CR: Is it easier to get any work/propositions once you actually get in the email lists?

A: Definitely, but it isn’t a case that you will get jobs easily – they are still going to look at your pitches with some apprehension, especially if you are a young writer. My advice would be to try and get to know them on a personal basis CR: Is it something you think you will keep doing for a while? Do you see yourself having a sustainable living as freelancers?

A: I think I will be a freelancer to some degree for the rest of my life. Can I make a living out of it? Definitely not. Obviously, the optimum would be a job in the music industry, but who knows what will happen.

Meet Aimee How did you manage to write/work for publications while being a student? Has it been hard to keep up with deadlines in both parts?

Being in the right place at the right time, I did a bit of networking and just got lucky. It was a combination of that and relentless email pitches .

What is your best/worst memory dealing with a publication?

I found a Reddit thread of people slating one of my reviews once, not sure if that counts. The Best when your writing gets posted.

Is it easier to get any work/propositions once you actually get in the email lists?

Simple answer, yes!

Is it something you think you will keep doing for a while? Do you see yourself having a sustainable living as freelancers?

Possibly, who knows? I’m happy with where I am at the moment What are your tips to «networking» as a journalists?

Don’t be scared to approach people, make sure you’re polite, just don’t be boring or shy – it will get you nowhere. credits to Noura Ikhlef

The Best Feminist Illustrators of Instagram

It’s pretty established how much I love Instagram and the opportunity it gives everyone to discover new artists, people and interests. It gave me the opportunity not only to stalk people I don’t talk to anymore, keep up with the ones I still see, but it also opened my eyes to stuff I never thought I would have discovered or understood otherwise. Especially feminism.

Now I can safely say I am a strong feminist but back in my teen years I wasn’t as much, and definitely not an intersectional feminist, despite being Muslim, Arabic and brown. I didn’t even realize it was a thing.

However, through social media, especially Instagram I learned the terms and what they meant, I got to feel a connection with the people trying to educate me, and the ability to ask questions and get answers pretty much straight away was a great help in my learning.

Slowly I began to fill my feed with people, pages and artists that were promoting a message not only did I relate to but I realized others did, and sometimes it opened the door for a discussion with strangers from the other side of the world, and my friends with whom I thought I could not have these discussions.

There is a great deal of Instagram feminists who are all extremely talented. Weirdly enough they are depicting the same struggles they faced as woman, while keeping their art unique. I’ve chosen to feature the three who’ve impacted me the most, whether it be to accept myself as I am, or just opened my eyes to struggles other women face which I never had to.

Here’s their handles so get following and learning.

Carol Rossetti : @carolrossettidesign Polly Nor : @pollynor Venus Libido: @venuslibido

VENUS LIBIDO

Polly Nor

Carol Rosetti

credits to Dick Williams

Top 5 Books Which Changed My Life Books are my first love. I remember being in primary school and spending recess by myself catching up with a book, I also used to hate any kind of dolls, video games or games in general and after a few years my parents realized that my favourite present will always be a book. In my 22 years and a bit of existence, I’ve read thousands upon thousands of books, but only a few stuck with me, so here’s the list of the books which changed my life.

The Harry Potter Series: The Harry Potter Series are a part of nearly every kids’ life since the 90’s, but for some of us it was more than just the movies, or reading the books once in a lifetime. For us they were a safe haven, they were like home, reading those books felt incredible and I can say for sure that they are the reason why I fell in love with reading. I even read some non-canon fanfictions in my spare time, and I’m planning on rereading the books in English.

A Bag of Marbles:

I have a great fascination for World War II and this book is probably one of the best book I have read about this period. It’s a real story about two young boys in Occupied France who try to get to the South of France to get to their families. It is a beautiful story of adventure, brotherhood and the characters they meet are all so improbable, their own stories making the book just that much better.

And Then There Were None:

I love Agatha Christie and I have fallen in love with the thriller genre because of this book. This is perfect not only because it surprises you at every turn, but also because Christie’s writing is simple and powerful at the same time. The story is basically about 10 people going to a remote island, where there is nothing but one mansion, in which there are 10 statues. It’s a thriller book so obviously, they all start to die, and every time one of them dies, a statue disappears ... Now find the murderer. If you want to get into book thrillers, start with this one!

A Court of Thorns and Roses Series: I have read this book about 2 months ago and I have finished the series, and reread it and thinking about rereading it before the next book comes out. This is the first book on which I made a complete U-Turn, the first half of the first book is awful but then a certain character comes in and bam, I’ve fallen in love with the book. It’s also one of the first few YA fantasy book I’ve read (excluding Harry Potter but that doesn’t even count) and I just want to find the next one I can devour.

THUG Police brutality is all over the news, especially in the USA. Policemen are using laughable arguments as to why they have killed black people on duty and they always get away with it. This book is about a story very similar, but the main character survives and is faced with the challenge of having to testify in court against the policeman, being on the media’s eye, all while having to go through what every teenager goes through: love, friendship, betrayal, and growing up.

This book is perfect for when you need that little strength to take on the world.

And so this is a roundup of my favourite books. I have many more but these are the ones that I just can’t take my mind of and will probably read again several times.

So, give them a read, enjoy them as much as I do. credits to Jean Paul BonDaux

creiits to Adams Carvalho