Ditching your negative self-talk

Many people, even when they are having success, don’t speak kindly to themselves. A lot of negative self-talk is experienced; it’s almost as though what they’ve achieved is never enough.

There’s a constant internal battle going on – from the outside looking in, very few people would know the crushing internal dialogue that plays out in their minds. And it’s wearying, debilitating, and creates increased anxiety. Many will try mindfulness practices, the art of living in the present moment, yet they don’t stick at it for long – they’re often too busy to stop when their day is one long stream of activities. And they can’t seem to control their self-talk; can’t silence their inner critic, that irritating little person who seems to pop up out of nowhere, sits upon the shoulder, and prattles on, uninvited.

Adults experiencing this kind of anxiety are often very critical of themselves. Setting high standards for yourself is generally a good thing. If you are striving for excellence, you will have a sound internal measure of what that success looks like. So, taking care of what you’re saying to yourself is paramount and will help to relieve internal pressure and stress.

Here are some valuable reminders about taking care of your self-talk: 3. Language has power

How you talk to yourself has a major effect on how you think, feel, and react. The power of language shapes your life immensely and when you take control of it, you help create a healthier, happier life.

4. Identity is tied to self-esteem

At the core of who you are is your identity, the concept you develop about yourself. Catch yourself when you use negative labelling in your self-talk, and practise reframing the statement into a more supportive one.

5. No one can read another person’s mind

These two quotes are good ones. Eleanor Roosevelt said: ‘No one can make you feel inferior without your consent!’ and Olin Miller observed: ‘You probably wouldn’t worry about what other people think of you if you knew how seldom they do!’

6. Your internal language affects your stress and anxiety levels

Negative self-talk will increase the following: worry, anxiety, loss of control, feeling overwhelmed, confusion, indecision, mood changes, depression, frustration, anger, helplessness, irritability, defensiveness, irrationality, overreaction, impatience, and restlessness.

7. You are often your harshest critic

Many people set high standards for themselves and won’t accept anything less. This can lead to feeling everything you’ve done or achieved is not good enough – it could be better. Thinking like this makes the thought of making mistakes really scary and puts you under pressure to do and take on more.

Remember, there is nothing wrong with having high standards, but when these standards are too high or the cost or pressure of maintaining them is too great, they can really get in the way of your work, relationships, and enjoyment of life.

1. Speaking kindly to yourself is a learned action

Like most new strategies, it takes time to instil a new way of doing things. Persist until it becomes a habit. Go easy on yourself and keep practising just as if you were learning a new skill such as playing the violin, learning how to sail a boat, or learning to speak a foreign language.

2. Writing down positive thoughts will increase positive feelings

Keeping a daily journal or writing in a notebook can be one of the most powerful ways to change your self-talk. Allow time to write down what you’re grateful for or what your positive intentions are. For helpful, practical strategies, communication tools and techniques Linda has written the award-winning book Transforming Your Stress Into Business Success. This is available at: www.transformingyourstressintobusinesssuccess.com

Linda Wells – The Business Stress Specialist. Linda is a speaker, trainer and consultant. Over the past 14 years, she has inspired and educated men and women to lead, communicate and respond more effectively to avoid overwhelm, reduce stress and increase productivity, success and enjoyment.