chalkdust
Moonlighting agony uncle Professor Dirichlet answers your personal problems. Want the profβs help? Contact c deardirichlet@chalkdustmagazine.com
Dear Dirichlet, As a successful author on spies who are also fish, Iβm looking to branch out a little. What with the number of stream ing platforms, Iβm hoping I can get a TV company to make my series of novels into a ten-episode drama. But it fee ls like a buyersβ marketβhow can I hook a produc er? Let minnow!
β Micholas H erron, Oxford
β
dirichlet says: May I recommend the school market. Each year there
is a new set of 7ΒyearΒolds looking to be entertained. For example, I am about to pitch the BBC my Downton Abbey / second world war / great railway infrastructure crossover series for children, with all the characters played by simple 3D shapes. I have already written to CubeΒonneville, Dame Sphera Lynne and Prismbard Kingdom Brunel. (Still waiting for a reply from the latter twoΝΎ Cubeβs on board.) Dear Dirichlet,
ns. But when I get tner bought me some new jea For my birthday this year my par ring the day, matchsticks in the pockets! Du find ays alw I , obe rdr wa the of them out and pull out some his hand in one of my pockets, put r, ove e com l wil r tne par my ember the moral to do the same? Does he not rem of the matches! Am I supposed play with matches! film Frances the Firefly?... Never from 1990s public information rs, Wigan
β The Wrong Trouse
dirichlet says: FΓ©licitations!
Youβve been given the latest in French fashion: couture deNim! But also comΒmisΓ¨reΒations: nobodyβs going to remove the last matchstick for you. If youβre happy to play along, sew up all but two pockets and keep the sticks in each pocket equal. Failing that, I suggest an eXORcism to heal these obviously cursed jeans. A word to the wise: run away if your partner offers you chocolate where you are only allowed to eat squares if you also eat those that are below it and to its right.
β
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