TRIVIA Love Lockdown The first recorded note was sent Valois, Duke of in prison in London in 1415.
Valentine’s by Charles of Orleans, while the Tower of
Love Letter
gr
Gone are the days of pen pals and phone cards – budget airlines have made long-distance relationships a piece of cake. “A long-distance romance allows you to see if you’re really serious or not,” advertising executive David Garcia Cabre tells Expatica.com. The Spaniard who has a girlfriend in Paris says cheap flights really help: “A k i s s c a n s o l v e a p ro b l e m ; a ph on e call can’t.”
M
o
pages of tips to fan the flames
19 -26 Ready for love? Eager to put the spark back in your relationship? It’s all here in this issue. Even the most experienced man- or womanabout-town could use a few pointers. Married couples are not excused, either. Love needs effort, and this pullout will help you keep romance aflame.
e t h e h ea
r
t
No sweat!
ak
er
Absence?
2011
d
ebruary January/F
w fon
Smartphones make it easier to overcome absence. W hatsApp Fre e t e x t i n g makes long-distance communication a breeze.
LovePoems The right words at the right time, any time.
TwoCup This app creates a private space to share thoughts and sync up schedules, and even check your partner’s ring size or gift list.
Bar teletransporter
What happens when your girlfriend calls while you’re out with the boys at the bar? A beer company has made a soundproof booth where you can select the ‘right’ ambient sounds before you pick up the call. “Out drinking? No…. honey, I’m at the hospital! (*machine beeps*)” Select preferred ambient sounds: ‘Hospital’
Virtual Love The girlfriend calls...
Having a great time with the guys at a bar
Watch the video at: http://tinyurl.com/bartransporter
Step into the Teletransporter
Success
As if from a sci-fi no vel, a 2 7 - ye a r - o l d To k yo re s i d e n t identified only as ‘S al 9000’ married his virtual girlfriend Nene Anegasaki, a character on the Nintendo DS game “Love Plus”. “I love this character, not a machine,” he told CNN last year. “I understand 100% this is a game. I understand very well that I cannot marry her physically or legally.”
Rest & Relax
Quick bytes Singlesmingle.sg This agency creates fun opportunities for singles to meet – think barbecues, car rallies, hiking, wine appreciation. Whoworksaroundyou.com Location-based online dating using your laptop or smartphone. Perfect for lunch or after-work drinks near the office.
Lovestruck.com/ Singapore Part of a worldwide
dating network, this agency’s unique feature is a “Little Black Book” of single professionals.
Singaporecupid.com For a
laidback, local approach to online dating, tr y this self-descr ibed “pakthology kopitiam”.
Vacations
Singles
Contiki Tours Pick from flexible budget coach tours all over the world, specially for 18- to 35-year-olds. Make new friends… and maybe more? www.contiki.com
Green Tortoise Bus tour in the USA offering a unique communal experience: you bunk and cook together while visiting national parks. www.greentortoise.com
Books for singles
The Dog Who Couldn’t Stop Loving by Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson: for science buffs
The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake by Aimee Bender: for sentimental foodies
Best places to eat alone
$$$plurge The Plain (50 Craig Rd) a Melbourne-style nook perfect for a sandwich and lunchtime paper.
$$Savour Bon Gout (#01-01 The Quayside, Robertson Quay) a mod-Japanese cafe packed with books and magazines from the motherland.
$ave Maxwell Food Centre (South Bridge Rd, Maxwell Rd) packed at lunchtime; sharing a table might let you make a new friend?
FACT
Couples
“Singlehood” rates in Singapore are highest among men with belowsecondary school qualifications and women with university qualifications.
Vacations
Source: http://tinyurl.com/popbrief2010
chill out at this countryside
Riders Lodge Pick up horse riding or simply resort located in Johor, Malaysia. www.riderslodge.com.my
Chic + Chill
Singles in singapore (30-34 years old)
Head up north to Pattaya, Thailand and unwind out at this resort’s villas that come with private pool, garden and sun lounge. vwww.chicchill.com
Books for couples 33.2% 21.7% 1999
41.9% 29.8% 2009
Source: http://tinyurl.com/popbrief2010
At Home: A Short History of Private Life by Bill Bryson: for the sharpwitted with a taste for history
Our Kind of Traitor by John le Carré: for spy-thriller romantics The Idle Parent by Tom Hodgkinson: for the savvy modern parent
Marriage is a fine institution, but I’m not ready for an institution.
Best places to eat together
– Mae West,
$ave Joo Heng (360 Joo Chiat Rd)
Actress
$$$plurge Le Tonkin (18 Mohd Sultan Road) serves up an incredible spread of French-Vietnamese cuisine that’s ideal for a special occasion. Very romantic, especially if seated on the verandah.
$$Savour The Ship (#04-34 Shaw Centre, Scotts Road) The Ship’s been around for decades, good for steak and escargot at plain prices. Half the fun is finding it. serves some of the best zhi-char and won’t burn a hole in your pocket.
ideas to
spice up your marriage
Subscribe to Marriage Central’s Twitter feed @RealLoveWorks The cost of
love
A new Oxford University study says the “cost of love” is two friends. Anthropologist Brian Dunbar told the BBC: “People in romantic relationships, instead of having the typical five [inner circle friends] on average, only have four, and bearing in mind that one of those is the new person that’s come into your life, it means you’ve had to give up two others.”
You know, even as a kid, I always went for the wrong women. I think that’s my problem. When my mother took me to see Snow White, everyone fell in love with Snow White. I immediately fell for the Wicked Queen.
Bad pick-up lines Don’t try this at home (or anywhere) “Stand still so I can pick you up!”
“Hurry up and write your number down before I don’t want it anymore.”
“Your lips look so lonely... would they like to meet mine?”
“I only have six months to live...”
“Can I take your picture? I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas.”
TRIVIA Dating customs In the Bulacan province of the Philippines, the male suitor uses a pointed object to poke the object of his affection through the floor of her elevated bamboo hut. Once she awakes, they talk in whispers.
Don’t forget to love yourself – Soren Kierkegaard Philosopher
– Woody Allen Annie Hall (1977) The language of
love
“I love you” in different languages Danish: Jeg elsker dig! (yai elska dai) Tagalog: Mahal kita! Farsi: Tora dost daram! Bengali: Ami tomake bhalobashi! Korean: Dangsinul saranghee yo! Japanese: Kimi o ai shiteru! Need help with pronunciation? Check out http://www.forvo.com/languages
Pillow talk A couple’s “insider language” – pet names, baby talk etc – can help strengthen their relationship. A Minnesota researcher found that cutesy codes and phrases “are saying, symbolically, that you care enough about the other person and the relationship to develop your own way of speaking.” Source: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29901815/
INDOOR TYPES
Date Plan
Date emergencies tricks of the trade
Always, always, always bring baby wipes or moist towelettes
They are a cure-all for spillage, scuffed shoes, armpit deodorant stains, smeared mascara… you name it.
urely t ig h e s e a leis o re’s h gah y? Tak p g r a e g n e s, S in Telok Blan ll of e Still fu d e r s o n Wav om e t r a il n yo u f r e s H e ad th g k n a lo t lo n It a . w wa lk ridge r. D o trian b o u n t Fa b e .s g. pedes M ov o .g t s k k r ar w.n Pa H il l P w w f ro m map
Food in the teeth?
Alert the person with a discreet tapping on your own mouth to drop a hint. The person might be embarrassed at first, but always grateful, and it’s amazing how smoothly the night will run on.
Open fly
This is a little tricky – not unlike staring into the sun, don’t make direct eye contact with the “problem area” – clear your throat and make a subtle gesture to bring it to attention.
Wind down at Spa Botanica, one of Asia’s largest “outdoor” spas. This S entosa garden retreat combines indoor and outdoor treatments for a unique experience.
Ta k e t he new ca b le c a r back o M ount ve r to Faber P ark for fo r. Wa a view tc h th e to k ill sun go Fa b e r P down o int; e n at joy a n in d in n e r d u lg e n at The t J e we l B ox .
Just getting off work?
Hair looking a little greasy? Try some talcum powder... just don’t pile on too much.
My Valentine… Gifts for that someone special, or even for yourself For the boy who loves toys
For the girl who loves her teas
Tea Sub
Price $19.95
www.shinnpark.com
Tin toy robot Price $16
www.catsocrates.com.sg
For couples who can’t bear to be apart
King and Queen magnetic rings Price $23.95 each
www.shinnpark.com
For a very special occasion
Build your own diamond pendant, earrings or rings PricE from $370
www.bluenile.com
R
START with an early breakfast at
Take a free iPod-guided tour of the specially-commissioned ar tworks at the Ritz- Carlton, Millenia Singapore. On display are pieces by Andy Warhol, Henry Moore and David Hockney.
Halia Restaurant in Botanic Gardens – take advantage of the cool morning weather for a leisurely stroll around the park.
Try the notorious “Secrets of the Red Lantern” evening tour in Chinatown every week. If history isn’t your thing, swing by the BluJaz Café at Bali Lane on the second Wednesday of every month for their regular stand-up comedy night.
Slip away to secluded Aramsa the Garden Spa in Bishan Park. Then enjoy a healthy lunch at TheGreenRoom Café.
OU TYPETDOO S R
Head down to the MINT Museum of Toys to relive a bit of your childhood together – an added incentive is the Britishstyle pub, Mr. Punch, on the rooftop.
Tra i f o r pse d o t e l o n e - wn t ofesc ot a ga h m e o p e s - k i n e Su d n , in p c o s t k n i c gei R Sin a ra p ga po h e r n u m e k - k n a oad T re o n a l i a . Y j e w e c k s l h i e ve ik lle yo u s’ o r tr u wo r y a e c o l Mark nd lap n’ t eas e sib t ev u re ol hu e n fe d v i d l e nt. el yo u e o ’r e
Hea d p raw t o P u n s an n g g o the vide d BBQ l P r a w ww n w.p o fo r t them o i n g w i raw ning ps if y n the s h e r e y ou .sg re a l pot. H o u c a n in ly w a n t t fo r t h c a t c h to i som e gu mp re s s ys: wa e tc yo u r da h te.
Garlic, beans, onions
Yes, the obvious must still be said.
Anything too spicy
Don’t show off. It’ll be embarrassing if you cough, choke or turn red.
Sloppy sandwiches
Juicy burgers may be tempting, but not attractive if they drip all over.
Chilli crab
FOODS to avoid
A national treasure, but nobody should wear a bib on a first date.
Anything with seeds
Seeds love to get stuck in your teeth. ‘Nuff said .
Try out woodball at Punggol Park, a hybrid of croquet and golf. Pack a picnic breakfast to go. For more active types, get your day started with Ultimate Frisbee – www. singaporeultimate. com.
TRIVIA YouReallySmell.com This pretty selfexplanatory website is a sneaky, anonymous way to tell someone they don’t exactly encourage close personal contact.
date ideas
for parents
Weird wedding venues
Breakfast dates are most realistic for working parents – the kids are
This year, McDonald’s Hong Kong will offer official wedding packages complete with an apple pie cake and a dress made of balloons. No alcohol is allowed, and wedding games will have a McDonald’s twist, like sharing opposite ends of a French fry.
Take advantage of free outdoor concerts at the Botanic Gardens.
In early 2010, a pair of Apple fanatics got hitched in a New York City Apple Store where the ringbearer was a first-generaton iPod and the priest was dressed as Steve Jobs.
at school, and breakfast is a lot cheaper than dinner.
Evening is a great time to set the mood for romance.
Baking together at home could be
a sensuous way to reconnect with your spouse. (Use your imagination here.) Make sure the kids aren’t at home. Saved by
the app?
A Nepalese couple became the first people to get married on the peak of Mount Everest in 2005.
Internet w e d d i n g s a re b e -
coming more common. If guests can’t fly out, they can “attend” the ceremony via live webcast. FACT Last year, 150 couples got married in Singapore’s parks. Source: http://tinyurl.com/nparkwed
HoneyDo
An app for couples to organise duties and work schedules, sync up shopping lists and other errands on-the-go.
If we men married the women we deserved, we should have a very bad time of it. – Oscar Wilde Till death
An app that promises to offer pragmatic advice and counselling via “time-tested methods” to improve your marriage.
Source: http://tinyurl.com/mcentralpoll
32% of respondents admit that their spouse “looked much better when we first got married”.
Marriage Counsellor (Android)
17% of respondents claim they will only celebrate their anniversary “if they feel like it, but most likely not”.
This could be double-edged, but if you’re both quick to forgive, it’d give you some laughs.
79% of respondents claim they have considered renewing their vows after 30 years of marriage.
Marriage Fight Tracker (iPhone)
Numbers from a Marriage Central poll
37% of respondents claim they would choose to marry someone else if given another chance.
For the humour-challenged spouse.
do us part…
69% of respondents claim they will always remember their wedding vows.
Marriage Jokes
Wedding Vow 2.0 Check out this tongue-in-cheek wedding vow generator from Marriage Central. You can promise to love him “on good meal days or bad” or promise to “grant full sponsorship of (her) shopping trips”. http://bit.ly/weddingvow
FACT Tying the knot in singapore Average marriage age in 2009
29.9
27.4
Source: http://tinyurl.com/popbrief2010
sci-fi movies that
revolutionise love Blade Runner
Ridley Scott’s sci-fi masterpiece explores love between man and artificial intelligence.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Imagine how great relationships could be if you could erase bad memories.
Gattaca
An imperfect man falls in love with the perfect woman. What could go wrong? Also see: The Fifth Element.
Wall-E
When robots fall in love… well, truth be told, that day might actually come soon.
The Fly
Scientist turns into a fly, yet the woman of his dreams is already so desperately in love with him that she can’t tear herself away. What better way to comment on modern relationships?
TRIVIA
Rejection is the greatest aphrodisiac. – Madonna
Scientific journal NeuroReport claims that men’s brains are less likely to recognise stressed or angry facial expressions than women’s. So ladies, you need to tell the guys how you feel because they really don’t get it.
FIGHT CLUB DON’T
A recent University of Michigan study showed that “tuning out” during an argument increases the risk of divorce. It is worse when one spouse deals with conflict constructively by discussing and listening, while the other withdraws by walking away or shutting up.
DO The Wall Street Journal reports that there are good and bad ways to fight. It’s not a question of avoiding arguments - it’s how you fight that matters. Try setting aside weekly meetings, away from the kids, to spit it all out.
ON THE REBOUND? We spoke to Ada Wong, co-founder of The Dating Loft, a membersonly dating agency, on how to “get back in the game”.
How do I spot a single?
There are telltale signs like rings, but these days, many people don’t wear their rings. There’s also an overall feel when you talk to the person; girls are very good at picking up on non-verbal signals. I would also look at the people the person is with.
Is body language important?
Very important. Only 3% of what you say verbally is communicated to the person. The other 97% is through non-verbal cues. Through looks, gestures, what you’re not saying aloud… it ’s good to be able to project a good image, not just being careful what you say. If you have some bad habits, like a limp, weak handshake, or if you shake your leg a lot and are very fidgety, you need to be aware of it.
Speed dating is an easy way to “test the waters” for busy folks but how can I shine?
Avoid being “plain water” – I wouldn’t go to a bar and order that. It ’s just not exciting. Let your personality shine through: be orange juice, or fiery vodka. Don’t be afraid to share opinions; use “I” and state your preferences. Some guys only talk to pretty girls – what impression does that give of you? Some girls only talk to the guys. Just socialise [with everyone].
It’s not that we ain’t trying, lament singles tr ying to get hitched, but dating has its perils. Pinkie, 33, once met the Clown who turned up in track shoes, jeans, over-sized tee and “combed-over” hairdo for a blind date. “I was so embarrassed I almost died,” she recalls. Then there was the guy who took her to a food court, and made her pay for her meal.
If this depresses you, perhaps Susan’s story might cheer you up. At 25, she figured there was a pool of 500,000 men for her to find true love with – too many to meet even if she met one a day. The epiphany got her to speeddate with a vengeance; she was also never shy to ask for dates – “A lot of girls think that’s weird but I’m okay, I don’t see why I need to wait”. On a conservative count, she met 500 men a year; 2,500 in five years. But Cupid never struck. Yet, she pressed on. Then she met a guy at a party and asked him out. He said no – “You have to be prepared for such rejections,” she advises – but rang to fix another date. They are now married.
When Kelly turned 35, Mum got her a dating agency package and she went on four “painful” dinner dates. She’s even met a “weirdo” from an online dating service who wouldn’t stop talking about sex. Angela found her match after one dinner date but now, secretly wishes to be single again. “It’s hard work,” she moans. “I think Cupid has given up on me, ” quips Jon, 43, who has met “confident, well-poised” women but felt no sparks. A dating guru once said Singapore men are picky: they are not James Dean but hanker to meet Marilyn Monroe. They also baulk at shelling out more than $50 for a social event. Derrick, 26, agrees: “We’re stingier and… the only horror (on first dates) is to see an ugly girl. It’s true. This is from a real man’s perspective. And girls only want rich men, right?”
For Susan, the speed-dating years may have been fruitless but “you build confidence, and you get a sense of who you are”. The Game of Love obviously requires oodles more stamina, optimism and open-mindedness than we think. TRIVIA
Names have been changed to protect those who kiss-and-tell.
Dating customs A traditional dating ritual in Japan is called ‘Omiai’ or ‘Miai’ where spouses are matched by their parents; many women look for “Three Hs” – height, high salary and high education.
HE SAID, SHE SAID
Observations from dating expert Ada Wong Men complain
that Singapore women are too impatient, aggressive and upfront about their demands. Just as women don’t like to be judged by age and looks, men don’t want to be judged by the size of their wallet.
Women complain
that Singaporean men are a little too passive and not the “take action” t y pe – the y probabl y are more laid-back in a relationship and take a long time to make a decision. It really drives women crazy. If you like a girl, obviously you’ll take control instead of being passive, or “weak”. Papercraft Source: http://macula.tv/main.htm