DownRange

DownRange Life During Deployment

A Guide for the Deploying Soldiers and families of B CO, 1-168 AVN, 66th TAC Prepared by: CH (MAJ) Don Brewer, 66th TAC CH (CPT) Andre Ong, 1-168 AVN

FEATURE ARTICLES How to talk...without killing each other a common sense approach to having conversations and solving problems.

LOVE KNOW DO in Deployment Practical ways to show you care Expectations How your expectations of deployment affect your experience of deployment What to Expect when Deploying CH Brewer’s advice to deploying Soldiers The Little Things Little habits to create routine Emotions How to direct your emotions to your benefit Details of Deployment Taking care of the business details Deferring to Christ when Deploying to War One veteran’s advice to deploying Soldiers

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TIPS AND IDEAS

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Very Important Points of Contact —DELETED FOR PUBLIC DISTRIBUTION—

Online Resources Ideas for Keeping in Touch Red Cross Messages Family Care Team Casualty Notification What’s an FRG Using Skype Chaplaincy Strong Bonds for Single Soldiers Feelings and Behaviors in Children Army Spouse Employment Partnership A Closing Prayer

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DOWNRANGE, Issue 1 A publication of the 1-168 AVN/66th TAC Unit Ministry Teams Washington National Guard in support of the deployment of Bravo Company.

Digital versions of of DownRange are available for free.

To order additional copies of this issue, or future issues of DownRange, contact CH (CPT) Andre Ong 1-168 BN Chaplain 425.390.4064 chaplainong@gmail.com 2

I have been counseling couples and teaching about marriage for over 8 years now. I find that one of the most challenging aspects of counseling marriages is teaching couples to communicate and problem solve together. For that matter, I find that communication and problem solving in my own marriage to be a very difficult project. Communication is central to the intimacy of any relationship, however, especially marriage.

As I have studied, I have learned a very simple three-step process that can make even the densest of husbands a competent communicator.

The process is LOVE-KNOW-DO. It is taught by counselors for use in counseling situations. I find that it works excellently in marriage.

Let‟s begin with a common scenario. Eve is concerned because the oldest son, Cain, seems to be getting more withdrawn and sullen.

She has also noticed a couple times that he has snarled at his younger brother, Abel, and even refused to pass the wine to his brother at dinner. Concerned, she decides to talk to her husband, Adam. Their conversation goes something like this: Eve: Adam, I think something is wrong with Cain.

Adam: Distracted by the weeds in the garden he keeps having to pull. Why? He seems fine to me.

Eve: He‟s not fine, Adam. He‟s grouchy.

Adam: Probably because of the stupid weeds! Look at this! I can‟t keep them under control. I‟d be angry, too, if my entire farm was covered in this stuff.

It‟s a waste of time.

Eve: No. It‟s not weeds. There‟s something wrong. Have you noticed how he snarls at Abel?

Adam: Snarls? Maybe he‟s just having a bad day.

Eve: A bad day all week?

Adam: Sure. Why not. Cut him some slack.

Eve: I don‟t know. Will you talk to him?

Adam: Talk to him? About what, Eve? „Hey Son, your mom says you‟re being grumpy. What‟s wrong with you?‟ He‟ll love that.

Eve: No, just talk to him. You haven‟t talked to him in a hundred years, you know. You‟re always working.

Adam: I have to work! Ever since God cursed the ground it‟s the only thing I have time to do. Work and sweat…when do I get to rest?!

Eve: Look, just talk to him, will ya?

Adam: Fine. I‟ll talk to him when I get around to it.

Eve: Great. He‟s likely to kill his brother by then.

Adam: Whatever.

Does this conversation hold any similarities to the conversations in your own home? Does it seem that Adam and Eve are connecting on a real level? Coming away from this conversation, Adam probably feels like he has been criticized and inconvenienced. Eve feels that her opinion and concerns are unimportant to her husband. A problem has been raised but not adequately addressed.

I believe that a better method is possible in communicating with each other. This method will function well in families, work, military, and friendship settings. Anytime you are in a position to speak to someone, consider these three words: LOVE, KNOW, DO. For the purpose of this lesson, we are going to distinguish two parties: a talker and a listener.

The talker is the person with an issue, concern, or matter that he or she wishes to discuss. The listener is the person with whom the talker has decided to consult.

LOVE Love is defined, for our purposes, as the demonstration of concern, care, and interest in the talker. The listener seeks to demonstrate that he cares about the person intrinsically. In other words, he isn‟t just interested in the matter or concern at hand. He is genuinely interested in the person.

In marriage, this stage is developed over time starting all the way back in those dating days. It is built by demonstrating fidelity to your marriage and a passion to be a good spouse. It is devel3

oped as you set the needs of your spouse ahead of your own and focus your energies on providing affection, tenderness, and romance in your marriage.

In the immediate conversation, love is communicated by simply turning off the TV, closing the laptop, putting down the gaming controller, or silencing the cell phone. It is shown by focusing your full attention on the talker.

In case the timing is not ideal and you cannot give the talker your full attention, you demonstrate love by scheduling un-interrupted time together and keeping the appointment. It is also demonstrated by eyecontact, a genuine smile, and body language that communicates the idea that there is nothing in the world more important at this moment than to hear what the talker has to say to you.

Or perhaps you‟re in Eve‟s situation.

You notice something is going on with Cain and think that you might want to see if you can get an idea on what is going on.

So you begin by demonstrating love. You make sure to wait until after dinner— when a man‟s brain turns on. You bring him a fresh cup of coffee and start talking about some of the funny things he did as a child. Take the time to just talk. Work into the conversation in a caring and loving way, making it clear that your whole focus is to simply be with your son and listen to his thoughts. You may or may not get to the point of asking questions today, but in the meantime you are demonstrating that you love him no matter what. After a while, he may open up and simply start telling mom about his frustrations with God and Abel, and the little voice in his head that tells him to kill his brother. He may not. But as you spend the time demonstrating love in your conversation, you build a safe place for him 4

to say whatever he desires. That is critical.

What about at work or when you are on orders? The same concept applies to conversations you may have with your coworkers or friends. Of course you do not want to demonstrate a romantic interest in this stage. You should, however, demonstrate a full 100% of your attention is given to the person to whom you are listening. Take the time to listen to emotions, concerns, and situations.

Don‟t rush someone who seems to be taking too long to get to the point. Let a few minutes go by as you demonstrate that you care about the person, not just the conversation.

KNOW This phase is where you transition into the actual issue at hand. Eve wants to talk to Adam about Cain. Adam puts down the shovel, takes off his gloves, and turns to face his wife. He lets her speak about her concerns and then even asks questions such as, “did something happen that you think might have set him off? How long has he been acting this way? How is this different from his other moods? What do you think he‟s dealing with? Why are you concerned? What do you think I can do to help?”

Adam takes his time to listen to the issues. He also realizes that the KNOW section is integral before getting to the DO portion of the conversation. Adam cannot solve any problems until he has a full understanding of the problem. We have often heard that wives don‟t want their husbands to fix anything, just to listen. This is only partially true. Wives want us to listen and understand before working on the solution. When guys jump to the solution, they demonstrate a lack of trust in the wife and impatience with

her. By taking the time to understand the whole situation, the husband gets to fully understand the issues at hand and then make fully informed, quality decisions in response.

In working through this process, Adam may discover that his wife is more concerned about Cain‟s relationship with Adam than Cain‟s relationship with Abel.

She senses a growing distance as Cain has become an adult and Adam has become preoccupied with a growing family and troubles at work. The lack of fathering and mentoring in Cain‟s life is taking its toll and Eve really would like to see Adam and Cain connect again like they used to when they would go fishing together. She has been looking for a way to encourage this relationship and thought that perhaps this would be the opportunity.

By listening to her thoughts and concerns, Adam can fully understand his wife‟s concerns and then consider the best course of action. He demonstrates that he loves his wife and loves his family with all his heart. This will in turn lead to good decisions and good leadership DO Havi ng worked through the LOVE and KNOW phases of the conversation, the DO phase comes naturally. This is the solution phase. At this point, Adam and Eve can begin discussing options, ideas, and resolutions to address the issues that they have been discussing.

Adam has a full picture of the situation and his wife‟s concerns. Most likely he‟s learned things and discovered circumstances he was blind to earlier. Eve has the confidence that her husband cares and truly loves her and the boys. She is able to respect, honor, and cherish him as a man of compassion and a man of action as well.

The DO part of a conversation opens the door to creativity. Brainstorming ideas and options are much easier once proper attention has been spent in understanding the situation, issues, and hearts of the people involved.

A few pointers for the DO:

For complicated issues, take the time to write out a short description of the situation and issues involved. This will help you come up with solutions that address all the issues.

It is also wise to brainstorm ideas and write them down on paper. If you are working through this with the whole family or a large group of people, put the ideas down on a whiteboard or large easel if you have one. Alternatively, typing it out on a computer screen everyone can see helps everyone brainstorm together.

No idea is a silly, stupid, or bad idea at first. Write down every idea, even the off-the-wall ideas. These are often the catalyst to the best solution. As you work through to solutions, you will narrow your options.

Create an action plan with achievable steps and deadlines. Stick to your deadlines.

Conduct an AAR (After Action Review) after completing each step of your plan.

Then conduct a final AAR. Your AAR should answer questions such as: How well did it go? What could have been done better? Are the results what you expected? How can you follow up?

Make it fun, not a chore.

Conclusion For the most part, people have difficulty in the KNOW phase. Taking the time to listen, ask questions, and explore matters takes time and energy. Taking the time to work through each phase is the key to success.

That brings me to my final thought on this topic. The person who directs the flow of the conversation is the one who has “the problem.” You don‟t move into KNOW until your loved one feels and understands that you LOVE. You don‟t move into DO until you have fully understood the matters involved. At times, you‟ll find the conversation moves backward and you‟re back at the LOVE portion. That‟s okay. Take the time to work through the phases again. Perhaps a comment or a thought that came up shocked the person you‟re talking to and they felt insecure

LOVE KNOW DO in deployment So if you took the time to read the article on LOVE KNOW DO as a communications method, you may be asking yourself what good the model is during deployment. I believe it is applicable regardless of the situation you are in. It is very useful face to face, but extra handy during separation, especially during deployment.

Communication with family and home during deployment has its challenges. You are limited on telephone.

Internet video chat may also be limited, or spotty at best. Email can carry more information sometimes, but doesn‟t have the benefit of hearing each other‟s tone of voice or seeing each other‟s expression. It is also quite prone to being misunderstood, especially if you don‟t habitually write with precise grammar. What you write may sound good in your head but be received differently by your audience. Letters share many of the qualities of emails, but tend to be better received because of the personal touch and care involved in handwriting a letter. At the same time, they take a long time to travel and may not be able to deal with a pressing situation adequately.

Regardless of the means of communication, LOVE KNOW DO is a usable method. Here‟s a few pointers: If you are on a phone call, and know you have only 5 minutes to talk, break the conversation down. Use the first minute to express to each other your affection, care, and appreciation of each other. If you are stressed and busy, take some time before the conversation to think about your loved one and what it is that you genuinely love about him and her— don‟t try to fake this and attempt flattery.

Take the next three minutes to ask questions and get information, working on the KNOW. This is where you need to get to fully understand the issues that may be pressing and urgent. Finally, use the last minute to create an action step or two to follow through. Hopefully you have more time to talk. Remember to spend the bulk of your time on KNOW. Write emails with section headings.

For example: Dear Hunney-Buns,

LOVE Let me start out by saying that I truly appreciate you and can‟t wait until you get home. Things simply are not the same without you. My feet are cold every night and I hate wool socks. I miss you and even your very warmth.

We‟ve run into an issue at home and I need your help deciding what to do. I know if you were here you‟d probably just grab your tools and fix it yourself—I love that about you—but I guess I‟ll have to wait for those days again. There‟s something wrong with the heater. It turns on, but only blows lukewarm air. It‟s not enough to keep us warm. We‟re all wearing sweaters and blankets inside.

KNOW I‟ve tried cleaning the thingies like you showed me, but it‟s not getting any better. I called somebody out of the phonebook to come look at it, but they want $120 just to do a service call! It‟s getting really cold. The cat is growing extra fur, even!

DO I‟m not sure what to do. Please help.

In response, you may write back: LOVE Oh baby, I‟m so sorry you guys are freezing back home. If I could, I would send you about 80 degrees of heat from this desert oven we‟re living in. You can have it! So I‟m sweating, and you‟re freezing. I would much prefer to be with you freezing than sweating alone. You‟re the world to me—I can‟t wait to get on that plane home.

I hate the fact that things break when I leave. I like to take care of my girl. You should be chillaxing at a spa with cucumbers on your eyes right now…

KNOW Can you tell me if it is making any weird noises? Does the air that comes out smell funny, like it‟s burnt or weird in some way? Have you checked the breakers to see if maybe one is tripped and the other is on—they‟re in the garage, by my workbench. I‟ve made sure to label each breaker clearly for you.

DO Call Joey and ask him to check it out 5

for me. He knows about that stuff. Make sure he doesn‟t let his dog in the house, though. That thing has no self control on carpet L. Let me know what Joey says. $120 is too much for a service call. Ask around our friends and see if anybody knows someone who‟ll do a free inspection. I‟ll look online since I‟ll have some

free time tomorrow.

Giving yourself headings and sticking with them helps you communicate clearly and lovingly to each other. Problems become projects. The deployed Soldier feels he is a part of the family and still involved. The family has a connection to their Soldier since he or she is able to interact on a day-to-day issue.

Use the same method in a handwritten letter. In this case, multiple issues get their own LOVE KNOW DO sections.

Starting over each time with LOVE reminds each other that you are connected, care, and involved. Most problems are manageable as long as we know that our partner in life is right beside us, even if not physically beside us.

You may think of other ways to use LOVE KNOW DO with your family. Play with the model and take ownership of it.

Develop it into your own unique way of communicating.

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Online Resources The following websites provide information and assistance for deployed Servicepeople and their families. www.btyr.org: Beyond the Yellow Ribbon. Maintained by the Minnesota NG, provides numerous articles, resources, and links. militaryonesource.com: The source for all kinds of assistance, including tax filing services, online libraries, moving planning, free counseling, military spouse guides, and more. Excellent site to browse. jointservicessupport.org: Used by the WAARNG to coordinate youth events, family programs events, and especially marriage retreats. Free to join. As content is added, it becomes more and more valuable. Especially valuable on this site are the lessons on the emotional cycle of deployment.

4military families.com: Military discounts listing http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/520597 preparing_for_a_deployment_to_iraq.html: Information and tips for deploying single Soldiers. http://www.afcrossroads.com/famseparation/guide_sec01.cfm#3: Family Separation handbook that Provides support for what’s to be expected for all members

Expectations During marriage retreats and Yellow Ribbon deployment events, we talk often about expectations. Expectations are those events, plans, and behavior we think should happen without having to express them. A husband may expect dinner to be ready when he gets home from work. A wife may expect her husband to call even if he is going to be 2 minutes late getting home. A son may expect that his mother will take care of his laundry.

We all have expectations. Quite often, though, these expectations go unspoken. Inevitably, unspoken expectations lead to frustration and arguments. Deployment causes it’s own expectations issues. You may expect the last days before the send off to be romantic and focused on just the two of you. Or you may expect to see every family member and friend you ever made. You may expect that your Soldier will call you every morning and every night. Or perhaps you expect to only communicate by email once a week. Expectations for the pre-deployment, during deployment, leave times, and after deployment all play a role in how you and your family communicate and experience the entire deployment cycle.

Take the time to discuss each of these.

Here are some questions to discuss. As you discuss them, work on getting into an agreement on how each phase of the deployment will go, as well as understanding each other’s desires.

What do you expect to accomplish before deployment?

What can be left on your undone list, or delegated to others, in order to make time for spouse and family?

What kind of time do you want to have together or with family before the deployment?

How soon do you anticipate you will be able to communicate with your family that you have arrived in country? What form will that communication most likely be (telephone call, email, etc.).

How often will you communicate with each other, and for roughly how long?

What kind of mail do you hope to receive? How often?

Who do you want to communicate with regularly during the deployment?

What do you want to do during the mid-deployment leave?

What topics will we not discuss during leave, and which ones are safe to discuss?

How will we specifically spend the last two days of leave together?

What do you want to do after the deployment?

Who will do what chores, duties, and responsibilities after the deployment is over?

What will we discuss during the first weeks home? After the first month?

If you need help dealing with post-traumatic stress, who will you go to voluntarily?

What kind of medical, processing, military events, etc. are required before, during, and after the deployment? How will we use these events for our family's best interests?

Record some of your new activities that you have started or resumed while being apart. Choose two reasons why you like them as well as some cons or challenges. Share these with each other. This will keep a sense of doing life together while apart.

Record your thoughts and experiences in a journal to share with your partner. Try keeping an online journal with pictures for your spouse to access over the Internet. You can do this using Facebook or your own website. If you are unable to do that, send your partner a scrapbook each month documenting your days apart. If you have children, have them contribute pictures or thoughts to the scrapbook or journal.

Record a tape or CD with songs that remind you of your partner. Make copies for each of you. You will have warm thoughts of each other while listening to it. You can also send songs through Facebook now.

Send handmade coupons. These should be redeemable upon your partner’sreturn home. Your coupons might be for special activities, such as dinner at your spouse’s favorite restaurant, a movie and popcorn, or an hour-long backrub. Engage the children in these fun coupon ideas.

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What to Expect When Deploying Chaplain (Major) Don Brewer 66th TAC Chaplain, WAARNG

Most adults who have had the pleasure of experiencing the joys and challenges of parenthood are probably familiar with the popular book “What to Expect when You’re Expecting” by Heidi Murkoff and Sharon Mazel. This book became essential daily reading as soon as my wife and I found out that she was pregnant with our first child. I can remember both the excitement and the nervous expectation that came almost immediately after seeing the crazy grin on my wife‟s face as she emerged from the bathroom with a thin strip of paper in her hand revealing two small very distinct red lines. For those of you who don‟t know what I‟m talking about— the pregnancy test was positive…baby was coming! From that moment until baby arrived, we both expected and prepared for change. Our life was going to be changed forever.

It is interesting that for National Guard soldiers and family member‟s deployment is, in some respects, very similar to having a baby. Nervous anticipation of the impending life-changing event follows the shock of being informed that you or your loved one is being deployed. However, the difference between the two is seen in how people prepare for the impending life-changing event. Preparing for baby involves: researching the pregnancy process, picking names, buying baby stuff, etc. while preparing for deployment usually involves…mainly just worry.

Getting used to the idea of leaving my family for an extended period of time took a little while to get used to. We did the normal things that the Army suggested we do to get our legal/financial things in order. But other than that, my wife and I did little to prepare for deployment. We basically lived life trying to avoid the emotional “elephant” in the room called deployment.

This article attempts to help prepare you and your loved ones for deployment by explaining some of the inter-relational dynamics that take place as people face and undergo the deployment experience.

Here are three very important things to expect when deploying: #1. Change starts before Deployment!

Most people understand that deployment is a significant event that changes people. It changes soldiers, spouses, children, parents, friends, family members and many others. The change that hap8

pens is the result of learning to cope with the stress that is caused by separation, fear, and uncertainty of the future. What many people do not realize is that this change starts before the deployment.

When the word change is used with deployment, it usually takes on a negative connotation. However, change is neither positive nor negative. It is merely something that happens. The definition of change, as per Webster‟s Dictionary, is simply “to make different,” or “to transform.” As with other things in life “change happens.” How we react to it determines whether it is positive or negative. It is very important to understand that the months and weeks leading up to deployment set the stage for how you are going to both perceive and react to deployment.

Life doesn‟t change when baby finally arrives, it changes as soon as you learn that baby will be arriving. Planning, communication, coordination and change all happen prior to the delivery of a child. If these things do not take place, then the arrival of baby can be a very shocking and miserable experience. The same goes for deployment. #2. Change happens as we deal with the STRESS created by emotional pain!

The reason why people usually don‟t prepare well for deployment is because most of what people face during deployment involves emotional pain.

Guess what?! People, for the most part, do not like pain. Therefore, they find ways to avoid it. This is true for both physical and emotional pain. In most cases, physical pain is easier to deal with than emotional pain. Why? Because physical pain is fairly simple to deal with: if my knee hurts, I take a pain killer. There is no pain killer for emotional pain. Facing long periods of separation from someone you love dearly involves emotional pain that has no quick fix. Facing thoughts of injury and death are even harder.

It is helpful to understand that change happens as we deal with the Stress created by emotional pain. In order to cope with emotional pain, we build defense mechanisms to help us deal with it. Defense mechanisms are habits, techniques, and reactions to help ease or eliminate the pain. This is something that people do all of the time regardless of whether they are facing a deployment or

not. Here is a quick glimpse of what is happening, emotionally, with both the soldier and a loved one.

What is happening emotionally to the soldier and our loved one (s)? He/she is building defense mechanisms to cope with: Fear of injury or death Uncertainty of future Separation from loved ones Feeling /Showing emotion: men especially are afraid to feel and show emotional anxiety New Responsibilities: the soldier must transition from civilian mode to soldier mode; loved one may transition from being a parent team to single parent What are some of the defense mechanisms that are built?

Withdrawal, impatience, silence, busy -ness (keep busy so as to avoid having to talk about or deal with emotional issues), frustration, impatience, substance abuse Men: usually avoid emotions at all cost therefore avoid communicating about emotional subjects Women: usually embrace emotions and desire attention and communication #3. Change, prior to deployment, is usually seen in emotional detachment!

I have talked with hundreds of military couples at various post-deployment events and the overwhelming theme is Emotional Detachment. As departure time gets closer, the soldier may start to push away rather than draw close to loved ones. An emotional separation thus begins before physical separation. I can remember wishing that the deployment date would hurry up and come so as to avoid the dreaded last few, emotional, hours with my family. The last few hours

were “dreaded” because I did not want to experience the tear-filled moments of grief and despair as I hugged and kissed my family one last time.

As you can imagine, this emotional detachment can cause problems even in a healthy relationship. Emotions are heightened. Arguments can become more frequent and communication less frequent. Children may become worried and disinterested in discussing the parent‟s deployment. All of which add stress to an already stressful situation.

So what do you do about it?

First, UNDERSTAND what is going on! People protect themselves from pain and deployment provides a significant amount of emotional pain. The defense mechanisms created to protect from this kind of pain can actually have a negative affect within your relationships.

Second, COMMUNICATE! Communicate to your loved one‟s how much you love them and will miss them. If you can‟t do it out loud—write it down. This is especially important during deployment. Don‟t let the negative consequences of emotional detachment damage your relationship(s).

Third, MEN—DON‟T WITHDRAW! Try to strike a balance emotionally.

Everyone knows that men don‟t like to cry or at least don‟t like to be seen crying.

However, for your emotional health and the emotional health of the one(s) you love, learn how to engage with emotions without isolating yourself. Fourth, BE PURPOSEFUL ABOUT SPENDING TIME TOGETHER! Soldiers/leaders, I know that there are all kinds of military “requirements” to do prior to deploying. But guess what?!

You are still going to deploy whether you get them all done or notJ If you or your loved one is already deployed, spend time planning about how you will spend time together in the future.

Last, THE KEY TO SUCCESS is this, “…in humility consider others as more important than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3-4). When you treat others as more important than yourself then you will not be so concerned about building defense mechanisms in order to ease or eliminate emotional pain. The end result will be stronger, healthier relationships that will be able to weather this temporary storm called deployment.

Questions to ask yourself during deployment The following questions are designed for you to work through during a long separation, particularly a military deployment. It can be used by the Service-member or spouse. I have written it with the married couple in mind. I do believe that other family may as well find it useful, however.

This is not a worksheet to work through in one sitting. The questions are meant to be thought-provoking. Use them to engage in conversation or to have something to write about when corresponding with each other. I also hope the questions will help you understand better your own thoughts and feelings.

General Questions 1. What do you fear the most?

2. What dreams or ambitions do you feel you have been cheated of?

3. If you can do anything or be anywhere, what would you do?

4. How is life different than you thought it would be when you were growing up?

Pre-Deployment Questions 1. What do you hope to accomplish before the deployment begins?

2. Who do you want to talk to before deploying?

3. What do you want to remain completely unchanged during the deployment?

4. How can we best demonstrate our commitment to each other during the deployment?

5. What responsibilities are we currently sharing that will need to be adjusted during the deployment?

Mid-Deployment Questions 1. What are you most looking forward to at mid-deployment leave? After the deployment?

2. What habits have been instituted at home that would be best maintained after the deployment is over?

3. In what ways are you holding on to habits or routines that may not be sustainable after the deployment?

4. How do you expect your spouse/child/family member to behave after the deployment?

5. What are your plans for after the deployment? (job, hobby, education, etc.)

6. What do you miss most from before the deployment?

7. What do you daydream about?

8. What have you been doing for entertainment or diversion that may not be the best use of time after the deployment?

9. What individual “rights” will you give up after the deployment?

10. What decisions have you been making on your own that you will soon need to make together?

11. What fears haunt you?

12. What worries do you let occupy your mind?

Post-Deployment Questions

1. What memories do you have from during the deployment that you wish you could have shared together?

2. What regrets do you have from during the deployment?

3. What hopes do you have for life after the deployment?

4. What is not turning out as you expected?

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Red Cross Messages The American Red Cross provides a means of verified, official emergency messages to be transmitted between Soldiers and their families. Red Cross messages are used to communicate the birth of children and emergency situations. In order for a Soldier to receive permission to return home for an emergency, an official Red Cross Message must be received by his or her unit.

To initiate a Red Cross Message, contact the Red Cross-Mt. Rainier Chapter at

CASUALTY NOTIFICATION In the military, a soldier becomes a casualty when he is reported injured, ill, missing or dead. The Army has a very specific procedure for notifying the soldier‟s family. A Casualty Notification Officer (CNO) will be the first to make contact with the family. The CNO is assigned based on geography, not unit association. If the soldier is injured or ill, the Army may notify the family by telephone. If a soldier is killed or missing, the Casualty Notification Officer (CNO) will visit the family in person and a Casualty Assistance Officer (CAO) will be assigned to the family. The CAO will help eliminate delays in settling claims and paying survivor benefits and assist the family in resolving other personnel related matters. Unless you have been contacted by a Casualty Notification Officer (CNO), the news is not official.

How to Respond to Unofficial Information In this age of email, satellite phones and 24-hour news channels, there will be times when a family may learn about a casualty before the Army can notify them. There have also been some very cruel hoaxes. If you receive information, please

253-474-0400 http://www.rainier-redcross.org

1. Get the caller‟s name and contact information.

2. Then, contact your soldier’s home unit or someone from your Family Readiness Group to help you get official confirmation.

The Family Care Team

While they cannot confirm the information you just received, they can find someone who will.

Should it come to pass that your Soldier is a casualty, you should be given the option of having a Family Care Team assist you.

(How would you find out if your Soldier is a casualty? See next page.)

The FCT is usually about three people, volunteers, who will come to your home and help with things like meals, walking the dog, buying groceries, or just being available to listen. They are trained to come alongside and help you with the basic things so that you can take care of the pressing and more important things during a very difficult time.

The FCT will stay and assist you for as long as you need them. They are free to you.

In the case of a casualty, if you are not offered an FCT, feel free to request one from your Casualty Notification Officer or Chaplain.

Family Care Teams (FCT) Teams of three volunteers are trained to provide support to Families in the case of a KIA. Support is provided only if PNOK desires assistance.

Provides emotional support.

Listens and responds to family‟s needs: Answers door/phones. Provides a protective barrier when needed.

Assists with the children.

Contacts friends.

Provides or coordinates dinner meal for day of notification.

Provides contact card with phone numbers of FCT members to spouse for additional assistance.

Provides feedback to commander on needs/issues.

Coordinates directly with company FRG leaders.

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Tip: Be Prepared in Case of a Casualty It is wise to post in a noticeable location a list of names of close relatives and friends, with phone numbers and email, in case of a casualty notification. In the past, some casualty’s family have been unable to remember the phone number for their parents and in-laws, or even how to use a cell phone.

This contact list will be a resource to the Family Care Team and Chaplain in their assistance to you.

The

little

Little things make a difference. A smell, a tradition, a favorite flavor of coffee. These little things also provide a bit of sanity and stability.

Whether you are the one deployed, or the one holding down the fort, take the time to develop a few little habits that will help you keep your sanity.

Here's a few ideas: Keep a stock of your favorite snack food. Dip into it occasionally, especially when stress is high. It's OK to relish the enjoyment of something. Be careful of becoming indulgent or addicted. Avoid becoming dependent—that takes all the fun out of it.

Prayer walking, or just walking if you aren't given to prayer, is very beneficial.

Use the time to think through the matters going on in your life, relationships, work issues, family issues, etc.

Have a morning and evening routine.

Routines provide comfort.

Exercise. Even fitting in a 10 minute short fitness time, or randomly doing push-ups and crunches, can help relieve stress and anxiety. Physical exertion can channel emotional energy.

Handwrite letters to each other. The art of handwriting letters is all but lost.

Things Taking the time to write and then waiting to get a response gives you positive thoughts to dwell on and re-read. It also gives you time to think about your response to your loved one's letters. The extra bonus is that these letters become family treasures.

Journal. Write down the stuff that happens during the deployment—funny, sad, exciting, etc. Write down the pranks that people pull on each other.

Write down the funny things your kids say. Journal the goofy mistakes you make and embarrassing moments.

These memories are the sources of war stories when you get back together.

Create a playlist for different circumstances or moods—have one for when you're homesick or missing your Soldier, one for when you're having work difficulties, or perhaps a playlist for that time just after you finally put the last kid to bed. Songs that have meaning and provide comfort, especially ones you can sing along to, can give relief and provide calm.

Doing the little things can help keep your sanity during separation and deployment. Thesae are just some thoughts.

Perhaps you can come up with a few of your own.

Emotions

What do you do when the emotions become overwhelming? Prior, during, and after deployment you will likely encounter a mixed bag of intense emotions. Is there a way to make these emotions profitable for you and your family? I believe the answer to working with emotions is best understand in a martial arts analogy. Judo, Aikido, and Jeet Kune Do, and many disciplines used within the Mixed Martial Arts teach fighters to use the energy of their opponents against them. This means that when an opponent comes toward with you, perhaps with a kick, you side-step the kick and give them a nice shove from the rear.

Their forward energy is amplified by your push and the opponent topples forward.

Likewise, emotions come full of energy. Even depression, anxiety, and worry are a sort of energy. Properly harnessed, I believe you can learn to use the emotional energy and productively direct your feelings for your benefit and your family’s benefit. It’s kind of like jiu jitsu, using your enemy’s energy against him.

Let me discuss a few examples that may apply to you.

Pre-Deployment nticipating a deployment can create a sense of anxiety and worry. Anxiety, improperly applied, will begin to amplify itself into daytime nightmares. You begin to think about all the worst-case scenarios leaving you without your Soldier, your family, a working car, or a dog. You may become withdrawn, worrisome, or easily angered.

A sense of worry can be properly applied by taking the time to think about what frightens you. Worry is based in fear. Oftentimes, fear is based on ideas that may or may not have a basis in reality. Is your spouse going into a dangerous situation?

Yes. That is a real situation. Is all of life about to fall apart? Not necessarily. You 11

may need to write down the things that frighten you. Then take the time, with your spouse, to discuss these things thoughtfully and thoroughly. Work through the realities of the coming deployment and the things that frighten you. This will take time and energy. The energy is supplied by your emotions. By taking the time to work through the emotions, you harness the emotions for your good rather than wasting the emotional energy on building worst-case scenarios in your own mind.

Mid-Deployment our husband has left, you have two kids under the age of 3, and you just realized that you double booked Wednesday evening—you’re supposed to throw a birthday party for your son and also attend a wedding shower for a friend.

Now what?!

In the middle of this realization, you begin to feel the weight of the bills in the mail, the paperwork mess you need to work out with Tri-Care, the mean letter you got from your husband’s employer, and the constant phone calls from your in-laws.

You made breakfast this morning and forgot to put fresh grounds in the machine.

You didn’t notice it was yesterday’s grounds until you took a sip of the nasty stuff. Just then the baby started crying because the cat walked across her face. In a word, you’re experiencing chaos.

Chaos leads to a sense of despair and “Oh-I-Can’t-Take-This-Anymore!” The disorganization, overwhelming responsibilities and lack of direction coincide to create a confusion that makes you want to just quit and turn off the world. But you can’t.

This is the time to sit down with a pen and paper, and channel that despair. First, I encourage you to pray. If you are not a prayer, you at least need to get quiet and relax your thoughts. This may mean getting a baby sitter so that you can grab a good cup of coffee and sit down in a quiet place.

What is making you despair? What is making you worry? What is confusing and out of control. Write all these things down.

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Unload completely onto paper. Fill up as much paper as you can, and then start working through it to make a plan for living day-to-day. You may find that even on paper, your life is still too confusing to figure out. This is the time to call in reinforcements. Which of your friends is best organized? Who can you think of who can help? Maybe you need to call your FRG leader and ask her for a reference. Where can you go to get some help sorting out the details? Again, you are using the sense of confusion, nervousness, and despair to your advantage rather than your detriment.

senses and realize what a gem you are.

Sadness and disappointment point out what is wrong with the world. If you ask yourself, “why am I disappointed?” You’ll get an expectation. Is that expectation reasonable? Discuss it with your husband. Tell him, “I thought things were going to be ____________. Is that unreasonable for me to expect? What did you expect? How can we both come to a compromise and also meet some of our expectations?”

Work out those feelings. If you have to get your Soldier help, do so. Stay committed. Stay involved.

Post-Deployment ubby’s home and initially it was like you guys were newlyweds again. Then things started getting strained.

He seems to have pulled away and you have no idea why. He doesn’t have a job because the company closed down during the deployment. The kids are uncomfortable around Dad, but they really want to be with him. He doesn’t seem to want to be around the kids. He’s always snapping at them to be quiet and stop jumping around.

You thought that after the deployment, life would great. You would have to fear that your husband might die. But now you wonder sometimes if this is worth it. You start to feel disappointment and sadness.

You begin to think that life might be better without him. Divorce is beginning to look like an option.

Disappointment generally has its roots in unmet expectations. You expected things to be a certain way but the reality turned out to be less than you expected.

Your hero seems to have become a wimp.

You don’t see that things could get any better, but you sure wish they could.

Most of the time, I find that wives really step up to the plate in this situation.

This is the most common counseling situation I encounter. Guys show up in my office for help because their wives called me.

Often they have given their husbands an ultimatum, “talk to the chaplain or I’m gone.” I really prefer the husband to have enough courage to admit that he needs help and come to me on his own, but I don’t always get that. I have a strong respect for the men who are willing to ask for help of their own accord.

In this case, you have to communicate regularly and clearly to your husband your sadness and disappointment. Let me warn you that often the battle for the home starts after the deployment is over. Let me also encourage you that the battle is worth it. A man who has a wife who will fight for his heart is a very blessed man indeed. Over time, I believe that he will come to his

Emotions and Actions he common human behavior is to react in accordance with emotions. These reactions are often overreactions. So a person goes into a fit of rage or a self-destructive stupor. Somewhat laughs inappropriately. Another person lashes out with a string of slanderous emails against a co-worker. These are actions that are controlled by emotions.

Emotions have a purpose. You don’t get to choose how you feel or what you feel. Feelings just happen. You can’t control emotions. I do believe that to some extent you can control your actions in response to the emotions. It is possible to feel anger and not start making up curse words. It is possible to maintain your composure while hurting inside. I don’t mean that you should hide and mask your emotions, stuffing them until they explode in the grocery-clerk’s face. I do mean that you can think through your emotions and consider what the cause is. You can then formulate a plan to work through the cause and use the emotions to your benefit.

Conclusion do hope this is helpful to you. I know this deployment is going to put you through a range of emotions you may or may not have experienced before.

It is my prayer that you are able to make

What’s an FRG?

Using Skype to keep in touch One of the advantages of technology today is the ability to see and hear each other over the internet. Skype is one tool being used by many deployed Service-people and families today. In order to use Skype, you will need to install the software on your computer and attach a webcam if your computer is not already equipped with one.

Many thanks to SGT John Wait, 66th TAC for the following suggestions for webcams: Cheap webcam $10-$20 (recommend Microsoft) http://www.newegg.com/Store/SubCategory.aspx?

SubCategory=152&Tpk=webcam&Order=PRICE

YOUR SOURCE FOR FACTS The FRG (Family Readiness Group) is the official connection between Soldier and family. Through the FRG, families back home find out what is really going on and what to expect.

Rely on your FRG to give you the latest, accurate information. Don’t trust the television, the radio, or phone calls you receive from others. If the information hasn’t come through your FRG, it may simply be a rumor.

There are multiple “lines of communication” during a deployment. The FRG is a touch-point and clearing-house for all communications, providing the certainty that what you hear has been vetted and factchecked. When someone jumps these lines and tells “so and so got hurt” or “they’re being extended another 12 years!” suspect a rumor is at work, and not true information.

WHERE YOU CAN BE REAL Another purpose for the FRG is to provide families the camaraderie that Soldiers enjoy within their platoon and company.

The other families within the FRG are going through the same experiences you are encountering. Some are likely coping better than others. Perhaps you have learned a few things and can help encourage other families during the deployment. Perhaps you could use some encouragement. The FRG get-togethers and events are designed to provide the fellowship and community that we all need during difficult times.

Take advantage of your FRG.

Mid-range webcam $25-50 (Logitech B500 or C500) http://www.newegg.com/Product/ProductList.aspx?

Submit=ENE&N=2010290152%2050001080&name=Logitech High-end webcam $50-100 (Logitech QuickCam Pro 9000) http://www.newegg.com/Product/Product.aspx?Item=N82E16826104074 These links and prices are all from www.newegg.com, but you can also buy a webcam from any major electronics store (Best Buy, Circuit City, etc) or other websites (www.tigerdirect.com, www.amazon.com, etc).

Skype Go to www.skype.com and watch the 60 second video on how to make a video call with Skype. It walks you through how to use the program once you have downloaded and installed it. The link to download Skype is right beneath the video.

Hey, Padre, What’s a Chaplain do, Anyway?

Chaplains have been around in the US Army since the Civil War. The role entails a number of different duties. Here’s a sampling of what we can do for you: Soldiers Counseling (for free). Remember: the Chaplain has 100% confidentiality. Anything you tell him/her WILL NOT get to your chain of command without your consent.

Make sure you can worship according to your conscience, as long as it does not interfere with the mission.

Perform services in accordance with his/her endorsing body (church).

Mediate, place phone calls, and assist in resolving issues and problems that may come up.

Field services, prayer, etc.

Weddings, baby dedications, etc.

Memorial services Families Counseling (for free!).

Assist and provide spiritual care in emergencies and critical times (births, during hospice, etc.)

Help expedite communications with Soldiers when necessary Help navigate the “Red Tape” of the US Military Part of the Casualty Notification Team

YOUR FRG LEADER CONTACT YOUR CHAPLAINS: Mindi McMahan

CH (MAJ) Don Brewer, Rear Detachment Chaplain/66th TAC 253.209.5814, donald.c.brewer@us.army.mil CH (CPT) Andre Ong, 1-168 Battalion Chaplain 425.390.4064, chaplainong@gmail.com

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The Details: Getting Ready to Deploy The following article, and other resources, can be found at: http:// www.btyr.org/PreDeployment+Training Ensure these tasks are completed prior to deployment: 1. Obtain family member ID card(s) and register in DEERS Service members and their family members need to have ID cards in order to receive all the benefits entitled to you and your family. A dependent who is not accompanied by a Service member should call ahead to verify documentation needed to receive an ID card.

Be prepared to bring the following items: 1. Photo ID and signed DD Form 1172 (signed within 90 days by deployed service member) 2. Marriage certificate 3. Birth Certificate(s) for all dependent children 4. Adoption papers 5. Social Security card(s)

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2. Familiarize yourself with TRICARE (medical and dental) Insurance TRICARE is the health care program serving active duty Servicemembers, National Guard and Reserve members, retirees, their families, survivors and certain former spouses worldwide. As a major component of the Military Health System, TRICARE brings together the health care resources of the uniformed services and supplements them with networks of civilian health care professionals, institutions, pharmacies and suppliers to provide access to high-quality health care services while maintaining the capability to support military operations.

To be eligible for TRICARE benefits, you must be registered in the Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System. TRICARE offers several health plan options to meet the needs of it's beneficiary population. Additionally, TRICARE offers two dental plans and several additional special programs.

from http://www.defenselink.mil/ ra/.

Basic Pay

There are many resources available to determine amounts of basic pay, rates of pay are determined by rank and time of service: ·

· ·

Basic Pay and Basic Allowance for Subsistence (BAS), Inactive Duty Training (IDT) Pay Basic Allowance for Housing (BAH) and BAH-II Incentive or Special Pay, Family Separation Allowance and Other Allowances may also apply to your Servicemember's specific individual status.

Military Pay and Allowances The military finance system is complex and multi-faceted. Your military unit and finance office are able to assist you with any questions about pay and allowances.

“Taking Care of the families of America’s Armed Forces” The is an excellent reference and can be downloaded

Direct Deposit of Pay and Allowances Direct deposit is mandatory. Pay and allowances will be sent to the Servicemember’s designated financial institution account via electronic funds transfer on a regular basis (1st and 15th of each month) if on active duty, and within a reasonable time after orders and/or travel claims are submitted to your unit’s administrative personnel or Reserve Pay Office.

Income Taxes

your Servicemember is injured.

Will, Living Will and Medical Directives

Federal income and social security taxes are automatically withheld from basic, and special and incentive pays, inactive training pay and funeral honors duty stipend.

Allowances such as BAS and BAH are exempt. Servicemembers on active duty pay state income tax only to their state of legal residence regardless of where they are serving.

Special Tax Exemptions Your military service may cause you to incur expenses for which law does not allow direct reimbursement. You are, however, allowed to deduct some of these expenses from your personal income tax filing.

Tax benefits from Military OneSource ·

·

Free tax consultations and free e-filing for service members and their family members Free financial planning and counseling

Although there are many ways to write a will, it is critical that your will be within the laws of the state in which you reside.

Licensed legal counsel is the best alternative to formulate a will. The Judge Advocate General (JAG) is the best resource to help you. The Service Member’s unit will provide an opportunity to meet with JAG prior to deployment.

Power of Attorney A Power of Attorney (POA) is a document that allows a person you designate as the legal authority to act on your behalf when you are unavailable. Most Powers of Attorney have a beginning and an ending date. Many Service Members set the length of their POA based on when they are due to return from deployment or training. If a Power of Attorney is desired, it should be effective for no more than the period necessary to accomplish the purpose and it is not recommended to be given for more than a period of one year.There are two primary types of Powers of Attorney: ·

Legal Affairs Whether you’re married or single, have children or not, Legal Affairs and planning should be considered an essential task to be completed prior to mobilization and deployment. Preparing for this possibility is critical to avoid unnecessary hardship and legal difficulty on those loved ones left at home if

·

POA grants your representative the right to act on your behalf for a specific transaction.

The Judge Advocate General (JAG) will help you set up a Will and a Power of Attorney. Your Servicemember’s unit will provide an opportunity to meet with JAG prior to deployment.

Servicemember Civil Relief Act (SCRA) The Servicemember Civil Relief Act (SCRA) was passed by Congress to provide protection to persons entering or called to active duty in the U.S. Armed Forces. The protection begins on the date the Servicemember enters active duty service and terminates upon release from active duty. However, some protections under the act extend for a limited time beyond discharge but are tied to the discharge date. Additionally, some of the protections provided by the Act extend to the Servicemember’s family.

A common benefit of the Act is the management of credit card debt.

The SCRA unambiguously states that no interest above 6% can accrue for prior credit obligations.

Examples of obligations you may be protected against: · ·

Outstanding debt Mortgage payments

General: A general POA gives your designated representative the authority to conduct any transaction on your behalf.

Limited/ Special: A limited or special 15

Deferring to Christ when Deploying to War

By Joseph L. Hoover I asked my friend, Joe, if he would take some time to tell you guys his best advice for Soldiers facing a deployment.

He is a former Soldier and acquainted with deployment, here is his response: It‟s a real drag to wait until the eleventh hour to write anything, and especially when the topic is such a timesensitive one as imminent deployment to a war-zone. But that is what I did. My first real challenge to write anything with an actual deadline, and I was going to blow it because I couldn‟t think of something totally transcendent to put to paper.

So I began with a more practical mindset.

What do G.I. Joe‟s and Jane‟s need to live and fight in a remote wasteland? Okay, that‟s too easy. All the required military gear and equipment? Covered. Thorough pre-deployment training? Absolutely. Regular correspondence from loved ones? Check. An excessive amount of baby wipes? Got it. The standard supply of cheap electronics that will undoubtedly have a lifespan of only a few months before succumbing to the “Dust Taliban”? Done and done. But after dwelling on all of the functional requirements for deployment, my checklist simply fell short of any substance which might prevent the soul of a service member from languishing.

I became quickly aware of the fact that if I were only to discuss deployment in this very practical manner, the article would be very brief.

Well, I like to verbally meander, so that just wasn‟t going to cut it. Therefore, I waited. And waited. I believe God had me wait for a couple of reasons: First, He enjoys when I talk to Him (and believe me, I sweated out a couple good prayers!). Secondly, He had some words for me to lay down, but only 16

after He had laid down His own words in my heart. Immediately after listening to a sermon on Christ commissioning His followers to “go and die” following our desire to “come and see” Him, I realized exactly what I was meant to write.

[Stay with me! I know the whole “go and die” message is not one you or your family wants to hear, but it will tie in less morbidly than it sounds, I promise!]

In writing this, I am not going to pretend to have had experienced or practiced “down-range Christ-likeness”. The fact is, I was not close to God either time I deployed to Afghanistan or Iraq, respectively. I rarely prayed to a God that had been overwhelmingly patient and gracious to me during the years of my disobedience. I did not bother to look for the small tent that served as a chapel on our forwardoperating base. And I only cracked open the Bible a handful of times, usually the day after a mortar attack when Scripture seemed to mean something to me. You would think that these experiences would have been a catalyst to examine my life and its trajectoryperhaps enough to make some changesbut apparently I really was as dumb as a grunt has a reputation for being.

Bottom line, the extent of my wisdom now is based on what I would have had me know then. Sad, but true.

To kick this off, let‟s deal with the obvious. The military has the special capacity for assigning an individual a new identity. It starts during boot camp when

you‟re being screamed at by someone half your height for “doing your own thing”, and generally proceeds throughout your career in whatever Service you happened to choose. By the end of it all you are often confused- like I was - about to whom you belong anymore. The Marines are especially notorious for this, insisting you are one of theirs for life, which undeniably raises the objection that your 6-year contract expired 13 years prior and you just want out!

“You are now government property” is a common theme that comes along with military life. The only problem with this idea is that it is God‟s: “..You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body” (1 Cor. 6:19b-20). It is imperative for the child of God to recognize his or her adoption by God and that they belong to Him, contrary to what might be asserted by the world.

We are His servants, slaves to His righteousness (Rom. 6:19-22). When we are drawn by Christ and respond by laying our life down before Him, affording Him rulership over it, and begging Him to do a work in us that we cannot do ourselves, we are given a brand new identity (2 Cor. 5:17).

The Apostle Peter calls it becoming a “partaker of the divine nature” (2 Pet. 1:3 -4). God‟s story is always so much different than mans.

Before writing this, I reflected on my own library of mistakes. If I had opened my heart to such things at the time, it would have helped to study and know God‟s strategy for my life rather than just my unit‟s strategy for fighting, or- worse still- my own strategy for surviving. Just as the military draws up some reasonable battle plans, so God has some unreasonable ones. Before you object to the statement, let me qualify it by saying that I use the word “unreasonable” because if we actually reflect on some of the stories in the Bible, we hastily conclude that most of God‟s plans are extraordinary and far grander than we would ever dare to come up with!

Since I do not have the time or space to highlight all of the most obvious accounts of battle in Scripture (there are some awesome ones littered all over the Old Testament I assure you), I will instead outline several of the more personal tenets that came to mind. Sometimes it helps to draw corny parallels, so I‟ll feebly attempt a few here without making you laugh. At least not out loud.

In service of our country, we are often presented with “core values” when we enlist (or are commissioned). Likewise, Jesus gives us the greatest commandments to live by when we become His disciples (Mt. 22:36-40). Before a trip overseas, we are prescribed a set of (often painful or surprisingly experimental) inoculations. God has for us some proven supplements (2 Pet. 1:5-8). With new duty stations or deployments comes an introduction to a foreign culture with a foreign people.

God reminds us that we are the foreigners; the exiles in a strange land (Heb. 11:13-14 & 1 Pet. 2:11). As part of a fighting force we are issued body armor.

God also tells us to strap on some spiritual protection (Eph. 6:10-18).

The point that I‟m getting at- that, unfortunately I missed years ago- is that the real (and really hard) battle that is waged is the battle of spiritual forces (Eph. 6:12). I didn‟t fight the war God invited me into, but I was enthused to fight the one man presented to me. I was wholly prepared to die for country, but did not know the first thing about how to live for Christ. I beg you dear readers; dear soldiers and sailors- don‟t forsake God in your most opportune time to serve Him. We must end this competition of worship, this idea that to be under the leadership of men means we can forsake serving a God who calls Himself “our very present help in trouble” (Ps. 46:1)! The very idea is poisonous and only ends in despair of the heart and distortion of the truth. We must smash the idol of believing our identity is in anything or anyone other than Jesus Christ! We must worship Him, even when the environment around us is openly hostile, and even when our hope seems at its lowest. Ultimately our hope is in Him, and nothing else. Please do not deploy to risk your life without em-

ploying the Holy Spirit as master over it!

If you have not thought of these things, and you are focused solely on the practical preparations for battle, then do an about-face in your heart. Repent and turn from viewing this season as anything other than one God can use for His glory. Use this opportunity of a lifetimethis experience that will challenge your physical and mental and spiritual self- for the fame of Jesus Christ. In each moment stay alert, and stay alive in the Holy Spirit.

I remember well one of the few moments I used for the glory of God when I was down range. I was alone on 24-hour guard duty in Afghanistan, in complete darkness and silence. I did not make a habit of looking straight up into the sky, unless it was to view a Blackhawk hurtling by above, but that night I just happened to. Peering upward, I found the brilliance of God‟s majesty mirrored in the vastness of a pitch-black sky dotted with stars He had created and named.

I‟ve lived in a lot of places, but the Middle-Eastern heavens show off the handiwork of God better than anywhere else does. If you have the chance, take a look for yourself. For the few minutes that I was captured by this sight, I realized again how great and sovereign God was; how even in a dusty mess of a war-torn country He was there, as close as ever. Do not forget that God is there for you as well. Stay near to Him, for He offers His presence every step of the way.

Now make no mistake; a deployment does offer some excellent moments of suffering. Sand and sun just don‟t equal a good vacation spot in this case! But as a Christian it is important that you realize what your suffering says about your God to others (Jas. 1:2-4). The military likes to say “embrace the suck”. Similarly, God says the same in 1 Pet. 4:12-13: “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.” God says embrace the suck.

I‟ve given it to you to know Me better.

Embrace it, rejoice in it, be delighted that My glory is given a chance to show.

Once deployed, you will be away from friends, family, community, the local church body, and the spiritual authority of that church. All of this will prove difficult and trying. Do not grow weary in doing good (Gal. 6:9). God will bring you through this fire refined for His glory (Isa. 48: 10-11). It would help to keep “war trophies” of the spiritual kind when you are down range. Perhaps a journal of your thoughts and prayers, or a list of Bible verses that will help you to recognize Jesus along the way; reminders and markers of a good God‟s faithfulness (1 Sam. 7:12).

Above all, stay cross-focused and Christ-centered in all that you do and say.

When your fellow soldiers are frightened or emboldened or are simply acting like idiots at various times, be an example of what it means to be strong in Christ- the proverbial light in the dark (Mt. 5:14).

When you encounter blood, be reminded of the only perfect blood that was shed for sinners. If you encounter an enemy, be reminded of the enemy that lurks about, and the Sword of the Spirit (Eph. 6:17) which cuts him down. God allows Himself to be seen in so many things, it is often just a matter of enjoying our relationship with Him and recognizing the signs. Our lives must be laid out for the Gospel, revolving around Christ. He must be at the epicenter of our desires, and of our deployments. So whether your life be taken or spared, you must ask yourself how you will be remembered. Will the God-man Jesus be honored?

My prayer for you as you prepare to deploy is that you not allow your heavenly Father to be drowned out by an earthly battle call. But be renewed in His strength, and increasingly urged forward to present your life to Christ in and through all things, making 2 Corinthians 5:8-9 the mightiest battle cry of your heart: “Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him.”

Joe’s military career includes 6.5 years n the United States Army (2001-07), E-5. His MOS was 92Y (Supply).

His combat experience includes two combat tours, one to Afghanistan and one to Iraq. He was stationed at Ft. Bragg (82nd ABN) with the 307th Engineer BN, the 2/505th Parachute Infantry Regt., as well as with an Intellegence Group in Germany for three years.

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Strong Bonds for Single Soldiers About 50 percent of the Army’s Soldiers are single and most will get married while on active duty. If you’re a single Soldier, you may also be far from home, lonely, and faced with the uncertainty of imminent deployment. These pressures can lead to hasty decision‑making when choosing a life partner.

A supportive mate is extremely important — so the Army is committed to helping you learn how to make good relationship choices by offering the Strong Bonds Single Soldier program. With this program, you and other Soldiers from your unit will attend training off‑site for a retreat weekend.

In addition to relevant teaching and skills training, Strong Bonds weekends include time for relaxation, recreation, fellowship, and fun.

Strong Bonds programs are offered by Army Chaplains with the full support of your Commanding Officer. You’ll gain practical, useful information based on a nationally recognized curriculum that’s been carefully chosen. You’ll learn to examine priorities, manage mate‑choosing patterns, and learn to evaluate a relationship’s potential for long‑term success.

The Strong Bonds Single Soldier program is designed to help you establish relationship goals and gain essential skills to help you make a good choice prior to picking a partner for life. Click on Find an Event and sign up today.

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Feelings and Behaviors that Affect the Family's Adjustment to Parent Absence: POST-DEPLOYMENT The chart below provides a framework by which you may be able to identify some issues and problems going on in your home after the deployment. Look in the column on the left for behaviors, and then identify the feelings that may be the cause of those behaviors. Work with your children on the feelings, rather than trying to merely correct the behavior.

Any combination of these FEELINGS

Could lead to any of these BEHAVIORS

PARENTS: Fear of infidelity Let down (fantasy of reunion doesn't live up to expectations) Anger at absence Jealousy of kid's preference for other parent Both feel I had it worse

Questioning, suspiciousness, incidence of spouse abuse Withdraw or try to take power back through physical violence Difficulties compromising, often wants other to take care of me

PRESCHOOL CHILDREN: Joy, Excitement Wants reassurance Anger causes desire to punish or retaliate against returning parent May be afraid of returning parent

May have made something for returning parent, wants recognition Clingy Oppositional/Avoidal behavior Attention seeking behavior, competes with other parent and siblings

ELEMENTARY CHILDREN: Joy, Excitement Remaining anger Anxiety over changing roles in Family Competition with dad for masculine role

May have made something for returning parent and wants recognition Attention seeking behavior after things have settled May act out anger May attempt to initially split parents

ADOLESCENT CHILDREN: Anger Relief Resentment

Defiance Behavior problems School Problems

Army Spouse Employment Partnership

Often called the unseen heroes of our nation's defense, Army spouses are dynamic, educated, hard working, creative, flexible and versatile. They "hold down the fort," take care of households, raise families, and hold jobs while supporting their Soldierspouses' careers. Too often, that means sacrificing their own careers.

The Army Spouse Employment Partnership is designed to bring Army spouses and corporate America together in a relationship that is a long-term partnership benefiting both parties: partner companies gain highly skilled, talented, loyal, diverse employees, and Army spouses gain enhanced employment and career opportunities. ASEP partners work strategically to make corporate America aware of Army spouses' professional attributes and to expand spouse training and employment opportunities. The partnership includes both Fortune 500 corporations and military partners who represent retail, healthcare, high tech, telecommunications and defense industries. ASEP partner companies were selected because they offer a wide spectrum of career opportunities for spouses with different employment needs, educational qualifications and skill levels. Access them through the Family Program homepage, www.MyArmyLifeToo.com/WorkandCareers or visit the jobs and resume database hosted by ASEP:www.MilitarySpouseJobSearch.org (or msjs.org)

AAFES Recruits Military Family Members

The Army and Air Force Exchange System (AAFES) offers employment preference to military spouses and family members. AAFES is currently recruiting for entry-level management positions worldwide in Retail, Information Systems, Finance & Accounting, Logistics, Food Service/Restaurant Management, Contracting & Procurement, and other career fields. Military family members can find more information about the AAFES "Spouse Employment Preference" program and a list of current job openings at: http://odin.aafes.com/employment/default.asp.

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In Closing, A Prayer Dearest Lord, Our family, our friends, our companions, ourselves Are off to war.

War is not where we want them to be.

It’s not particularly where we want to go.

But we go for duty. For service. For tradition.

To pay the electric bill. To get an education.

Because it’s what we do.

We go, and we look forward to coming home already.

Lord, keep our people safe. Bring them home. Bring us home.

You are our shepherd. We don’t have to want. You are our provider. We depend on you. We look to you during hard times—when we miss family, our favorite foods, and our simple comforts. Give us endurance. Give us strength. Give us poise.

It’s hard to pray at times like these. That’s why you say that you pray for us with groanings that are too deep for words. That’s what we feel like sometimes, just groaning. Other times we are so happy we just want to shout.

At all these times, let us know you are nearer than a brother (the ones we like) and closer than a friend.

Amen

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