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A DAY IN the life

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Helen Downs is a counsellor working for Chrysalis, a charity supporting transgender, non-binary and questioning people and their friends and family

When I was growing up in the 1980s my best friend began to question their gender. At the time this wasn’t something that was talked about, but I helped to support them and we learnt as we went through the process together. My friend is now living very happily as a married man and I work for the charity that helped him, Chrysalis.

I work six hours a week, meeting clients for one-to-one counselling sessions. Chrysalis don’t impose a time-scale so we work with each client for as long as they need us. The first session is often the first time that a person has disclosed their feelings and that’s an immense moment. Each session...

... is different. I support people through a process, helping them to get to a point where they can live as their authentic self. We spend a lot of time exploring the hurdles and external pressures that stand in the way of that.

The biggest fear for most people is the collateral damage of their transition. Many fear losing relationships. Some people believe they will have to sever ties with their old life. We work towards allaying fears and identifying the qualities they can transfer into their new life. I had one client who asked if they would be able to continue their career. They did stay in their job and the acceptance and support they got from colleagues was amazing. I feel proud to have built a relationship where someone feels comfortable enough to share such personal feelings. We go through highs and lows but when you stop to acknowledge how far someone has progressed, when you see someone blossom and expand into themself, it’s very humbling. When someone is able to live as their authentic self their life is so much more fulfilling and it radiates out of them.

The best thing... … is being part of someone’s journey, it’s an honour and a privilege.

Always authentic

Chrysalis’ mission is to create a world where trans and nonbinery people are free to live as their authentic selves. They provide a safe space, support groups and experienced counsellors. chrysalisgim.org.uk The hardest thing... … is working through painful history. We could have a client in their 70s who has had to hide their authentic self for years. It’s about unpicking that history, the shame they may have had forced on them, the fear of retribution they may have felt. Some may have endured horrific aversion therapy. You have to go through that before you can start to rebuild confidence and a sense of self. I have learnt...

… so much from my clients. They have been so gracious and considerate of me and we learn together. Working at Chrysalis has made me ask myself about what it is to be your authentic self – this question applies to everyone. It’s given me greater awareness of society’s expectations and how much further we have to go. But I’ve learnt that anyone can be an ally. The important thing is to be there, to listen, to give someone the space to explore feelings. Don’t be fearful of using the wrong language, you can learn as you go.