Spring 2018
Meet Marilyn
the care giver who gives and gives ...and gives
Inside the Fostering Review 2018
10 celebrities who grew up in care
“We knew our family was incomplete� Meet the woman who turned her nephew into her son
Editor’s Note I’ve always thought that the best people to talk about children in care was children in care. Who knows their life better than they do? I was put into a foster placement in 2012, when I was 15. It’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, but I know
I was lucky. So many other children are still looking for their forever homes, and they’ve been through far worse trauma than I have. Every child is different, but their basic needs are the same. A roof over their head, a full belly and someone to love them.
RETIRED BUT CAN’T QUIT Meet Lynne, the retired care giver who just keeps on giving
ON THE COVER “You can really click with some of the people that you meet, and for them, you may just be the thing they needed to get their life on track.” She knows, however, that it’s not all fun and games.
M
arilyn Bailey had been fostering for 16 years, when she retired last year.
“I’ve had some really troubled children come and live with me, and it’s been hard. Some children just don’t want to be helped, and then there’s only so much you can do.”
“I’m 65 years old, and the job is stressful! I’m Her fostering career has had severe impacts not as young as I used to be. I needed to slow on her health. down.” “I was fostering one child, and it was Marilyn, who is known as Lynne, has fostered reasonably long term. She’d been with me for almost two years, and suddenly she decided over 40 children over the span of her career, that she wasn’t happy anymore, and she from all different walks of life. turned, almost overnight. She would run away daily; I was on first name terms with most of “I work for an independent fostering agency, which means I get children who are harder to the police.” place than children who are placed by local Lynne noticed her hair had begun to fall authorities. I get sibling groups, “trouble” out, and visited a doctor who told her it was children, teenagers, mothers and babies, asylum seekers, basically children who aren’t alopecia. so easy to place.” “They said it was probably down to stress. I was obviously annoyed, I loved my hair Her job as a foster carer started when she and I spent a lot of time and money looking worked in a school for children with learning after it, but I never said anything to the child. disabilities. Regardless of whether or not it was their fault, “I used to see that some children just weren’t I wasn’t going to go and blame them and make them feel worse. That’s no way to deal getting the support at home that they truly with the situation.” needed, and I thought that I might be able to provide that support for other children who Since then, Lynne decided to retire, only need it.” agreeing to do respite and emergency Lynne, who has four grown up children of her placements. own, explains why she fostered for so long. “Fostering is what I do. It’s a part of my life that I can’t just give up on completely. Children “It’s so rewarding. You do need to have the need my help, and so I’m going to continue mind-set that you can’t help every child that comes into your life, but sometimes you really giving it to them.” can have an impact.
“HE DIDN’T GROW IN MY BELLY”
E
lizabeth “Liz” Hughes was born in Northampton in 1963 to Hungarian parents. When she was 3 years old, her parents Ilona and Imre fostered a family friend’s little girl for a few months, opening Liz’s eyes to the world of fostering and adoption. Fast forward to 1999, and Liz would be settling the adoption process of her nephew. “Myself and my husband Harvie had two children, but we knew our family was incomplete. My pregnancies hadn’t been wonderful, but I’d had a dream that I had
another child, not through giving birth, so I knew that I had yet to be a mother again.” Harvie’s sister Alexa, who lived in Scotland, had a baby son named Callum, but due to schizophrenia, was deemed an unfit mother. “Social services wanted him to stay with family, but wanted him to be out of Scotland. Originally he was potentially going to be placed with another aunt, but she had a smaller house and more children, and she also lived in Glasgow.” After discussing with her own two young children about whether or not they would be
“HE GREW IN MY HEART”
From left to right: Adoptive dad Harvie Hughes, Callum, brother Adam and cousin Ashley pleased to have a baby brother, the adoption process began. “We used to travel up to Scotland on the regular to do panels and children’s reviews. There was still some talk of letting Callum stay with his mother, or living with her on a mother and baby unit, but she was too unstable.
home. When asked if there was ever any feelings of Callum being “different”, Liz chuckled.
“She couldn’t bond with him. But she loved him, there was no doubt that she loved him.”
“You know what, two weeks after we brought him home, on his first birthday, he got as many presents as Adam and Lauren ever did. He’s our son. He’s their brother. He never got the “you’re adopted” argument from anyone. He was the missing piece to our family.”
Two weeks before Callum’s first birthday, in November 1999, Liz and Harvie brought him
Even though Callum is their child, he has always been aware that he wasn’t born from
Liz and Harvie. “He used to come up to me and ask if he came out of my belly like his brother and sister did. I had to remind him that he came from Mummy Alexa’s belly, not mine, and I think he was desperate to have come from me the same way Adam and Lauren had. I told him, “you didn’t grow in my belly, you grew in my heart.”” Callum remains in contact with his birth mother now, although there was almost a time when it was cut off. “When Callum was a baby Alexa and I would chat on the phone about how he was, and then when he was old enough we’d put the phone on loudspeaker and let them talk to each other. There was one time where she was really unwell with the schizophrenia, and started telling him her unstable thoughts, and I had to whisk the phone away and remind her that he was a child. If she wanted to speak to him, she needed to have child friendly conversations with him. “Ever since that day, she’s been fine.” Liz and Harvie would travel up to Scotland with Callum once or twice a year to visit, and Callum grew up to know that his birth mother was unwell. “At the end of the day, she loves him. We always promised we’d look after him until she got better, but that never happened. I think if
it ever had, there’s no way we’d have handed him over without a fight. He’s our son.” Liz explained how social services had wanted to see what would happen if Callum had gone to live with his birth mother when he was younger. “I had to tell them, he’s not an experiment, he’s a human being.” Liz believes that Callum becoming part of her family was meant to be. “I’m very spiritual, and I believe that these children are meant to come into our lives and be ours. Harvie and I are a team who were brought here to have children. “I believe that everyone that comes into your life does so because you met in a past life and were meant to be connected again. “Callum used to hold my hand in the car as a baby and look at me as if he was looking directly at my soul. He knew that we’d met before in a different life.” “I’d do it all again. Even though Callum can be a pain in the a*se, I’d do it again. If there’s a child that’s lacking it, why wouldn’t you love and nurture them? Love is endless. If you had 100 children, you’d love each one of them the same. You wouldn’t run out of love after the 60th child because you can’t run out of it.”
Liz (left) and adopted son Callum
10 CELEBRITIES WHO Steve Jobs Jobs, one of the most influencal people of all time, was in foster care before being adopted by Paul and Clara Jobs as an infant.
Marilyn Monroe American film actress Marilyn Monroe (real name Norma Jeane) spent most of her childhood in a foster home and an orphanage.
Eddie Murphy Murphy’s father died when he was young, and his mother became ill so he was placed into foster care with his older brother. He lived in care for around one year.
Kerry Katona Kerry’s mother was a manic depressive and the pair often stayed in women’s refuges.Social services intervened and Kerry was taken into care until she was 16.
Pierce Brosnan Pierce’s mother moved to London to train as a nurse. He was brought up by his grandparents until he was six. He was sent to live in a boarding house until he was 10.
GREW UP IN CARE Fatima Whitbread Whitbread grew up in a series of children’s homes. When she was 14 she was adopted by the Whitbread family who she says ‘gave her a future’
John Lennon John grew up with his aunt and uncle, regularly visiting his mother, after his aunt complained to social services about the conditions he was living in.
Seal For the first four years of his life, Seal was placed with a foster family in Essex. He was reunited with his foster family 40 years later.
Neil Morrisey Morrissey and his brother were placed under a care order after being subjected to a filthy, chaotic house in which they were frequently left unsupervised.
Lorraine Pascale Pascale moved between families until she was 11, before moving to boarding school until she was 16. She was breifly adopted by a white family as an infant.
FOSTERING REVIEW 2018 SIR MARTIN NAREY AND MARK OWERS
To read the review in full, visit https://www.gov.uk/government/ publications/foster-care-in-england
A
review about fostering in England has suggested that carers neglect to give their foster children physical affection for fear of sexual allegations. The report, co-authored by Sir Martin Narey, the former chief executive of Bernardo’s, and children’s services adviser Mark Owers, said that children were being denied “the physical or emotional affection they need that helps them to thrive” because carers “had been taught to be fearful of potential allegations”. Introducing the report, children’s commissioner Anne Longfield said young children in care “often feel worried and confused about the lack of physical affection they are shown”. Owers said in his foreword: “Every child growing up needs and deserves the love, care and support of a family. For the thousands of children in foster care, it is no different, if not even more acute. “… Our ambitions for foster children should be high. Children in foster care tell me that they want to live in a family that has the same expectations for them as they would have for their own children, with foster carers who do all they can to help their foster children succeed and thrive as they grow up. “…Twenty-four hours a day, 365 days of the year, foster carers help children in care to feel safe, loved and part of their family. We can be proud of fostering, local authorities and independent fostering agencies alike. But we can do better.” The review, published on the 6th February
this year, suggested 36 changes to the fostering system, including giving councils the choice to “dispense with” independent reviewing officers (IROs) and reinvest the savings - “rather than spending large amounts of money checking that children are being appropriately placed and cared for in the care system, we should invest that money in more frontline and line management staff to make that happen.” To conduct the review Sir Martin Narey and Mark Owers drew on a wide range of information, including a public call for evidence as well as meetings with local authorities, independent fostering agencies, representative organisations, academics, foster carers and children and young people. The largest change recommended by the review is a renewed focus on the parenting aspects of fostering, as opposed to caring. For example, it strongly recommends giving foster carers greater discretion over everyday decisions that would normally fall to parents, such as haircuts, clothes and friends. Needless barriers that prevent foster carers from treating foster children as they would treat their own children should be removed. This relates to the stigma attached to physical affection mentioned previously. “Carers should be in no doubt that, unless it is unwelcome to the child, they should not curb the natural instinct to demonstrate personal and physical warmth.” The Government will respond to the report and the recommendations in Spring 2018, setting out the future programme of work for the fostering system.
“I JUST WANT SOMEWHERE TO LIVE” N
ineteen-year old Toni has been in care since where I was living. I honestly regret moving now, 2011, when her father kicked her out of their but that’s what I wanted at the time.” family home. Since then, she’s moved multiple times, for multiple reasons. She moved to placements in Cambridgeshire, one for 11 months, and another for two and a Her first placement was emergency half years. In the longer placement of the two, accommodation, with a couple in Wisbech. she turned 18 and started paying rent as part of the ‘staying-put’ scheme. “They were so lovely. If we’d had a choice and they didn’t have an age limit, I would’ve stayed “I moved out of there because my carers started with them.” demanding rent money I’d already given them. They’d said that they wanted it monthly, which She lived there for a week, before she was told I was giving them, but then they changed their that she would have to move on. Due to family mind about the frequency and it all got very preferences, the couple only took on children confusing. They ended up getting angry and who were 9-years old and younger for long term basically kicking me out, so I was stuck.” placements. Toni claims that her Over 18 Supervisor was “It really was an emergency when I moved in. It unhelpful. Since being kicked out, she has lived was late in the evening and I had nowhere else with boyfriends, friends, and family of friends, all to go. Wisbech was the closest place that there of which have fallen through. were any carers that could take me on.” “My PA has meant to help me find somewhere Toni moved from Wisbech to Wellingborough, more permanent, but he’s a little bit useless. via her secondary school. He’s made me fill out forms for “We packed our bags with Jane hostels, but that’s and Peter, went to school, and then not really where I were picked up by a social worker want to be.” who took us to Northamptonshire. We literally had to drag all of our Toni, who works belongings through the school at William Hill, corridors during the end of day is looking for rush. We’d had to beg some of the somewhere more teachers to keep our stuff in their long term. She’s offices during the day; it was all so found a room to quick.” rent in shared accommodation, Toni (left) at her prom in 2015 Toni lived with her carer in where she hopes Northamptonshire for a year and a she’ll be for a half before deciding she wanted to move closer while. to where she’d grown up. “I’m going to have to move out at some point to “I wanted to be closer to home, closer to where live by myself, I just don’t want to have to move I wanted to go to college. I needed more again, not for a little while.” independence and I wasn’t getting that from
Toni (left) and friend on a cooking course at college
There are plenty of films about children in either foster or adoptive care. Many of them focus on the bad, and make out that the looked after children are bad, or criminals. Here’s a short list of modern films that include children in care of all varieties of care.
Despicable Me Margo, Edith and Agnes are sisters who live in an orphangage until they are adopted by Gru and his minions.
Big Hero 6 Hiro Hamada and his elder brother Tadashi are looked after by their “aunt” (there is no indication as to whether or not she is a blood relative) since their parents died when Hiro was 3 years old.
Lemmony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events Violet, Klaus and Sunny are orphans with a large inheritance who are placed with various family members, all whilst being pursued by villainous Count Olaf.
M O V I E S A B O U T
B E I N G I N C A R E
Juno Juno is about a young teen who gets pregnant and decides to keep the baby, so that she can give it up for adoption when it is born.
Lilo and Stitch Lilo is looked after by her older sister Nani, after the death of their parents due to a car accident. A social worker named Cobra Bubbles questions the care of Lilo.
Annie A remake of the 1983 classic, Annie is an orphan who lives in an unfriendly foster home. She believes that her parents will try to find her.
The UK History of Care
The placement of children in foster care homes is a concept that goes as far back as the Torah and Bible, which refers to caring for dependent children as a duty under law. The Quran carried on this tradition of caring for orphans and widows. Early Christian church records indicate orphaned children lived with widows who were paid by the church.
1853
Foster care in the modern sense was first introduced in the United Kingdom when Reverend John Armistead removed children from a workhouse in Cheshire, and placed them with foster families. The local council (called unions at the time) was legally responsible for the children, and paid the foster parents a sum equal to the cost of maintaining the child in the workhouse.
Southwell Workhouse - photo by Howard Longden
1889
The first act of parliament for the prevention of cruelty to children, commonly known as the “children’s charter� was passed. This enabled the state to intervene, for the first time, in relations between parents and children. Police could arrest anyone found ill-treating a child, and enter a home if a child was thought to be in danger. The act included guidelines on the employment of children and outlawed begging.
1908
The Children’s Act 1908 established juvenile courts and introduced the registration of foster parents.
1933
Bo Gordy-Stith - Flickr
All existing child protection law was brought together into a single piece of legislation.
1989
The Children Act 1989 gave every child the right to protection from abuse and exploitation and the right to inquiries to safeguard their welfare. Its central tenet was that children are usually best looked after within their family. The act came into force in England and Wales in 1991 (Northern Ireland 1996).
1999
The Protection of Children Act 1999 was passed, aiming to prevent paedophiles from working with children. It requires childcare organisations in England and Wales to inform the Department of Health about anyone known to them who is suspected of harming children or putting them at risk. A similar act was passed in Scotland in 2003.
United Kingdom Coat of Arms
2003
n September, a government green paper, Every Child Matters, proposed an electronic tracking system for England's children; 150 children's trusts to be set up by 2006, amalgamating health, education and social services; a children's director to oversee local services; statutory local safeguarding children boards to replace ACPCs; and a children's commissioner for England.
2018
The Fostering Review 2018 is published by Sir Martin Narey and Mark Owers, highlighting what is doing well and not so well in the care systems, and suggesting ways of overcoming these issues. For more information, go to page 14.
Care has gone from this...
...to this
Care Day 2018 16 February 2018 Care Day is the world’s biggest celebration of children and young people with care experience. Care experience includes children and young people who are or were cared for by parents or other family members with the support of social workers; by foster carers; or children and young people from children’s homes and residential units. Care Day is a joint initiative between children’s charities across the whole of the UK under the 5 Nations 1 Voice alliance. Become, the national charity for children and young people in care and young care leavers leads this annual event in England, alongside Who Cares? Scotland, VOYPIC in Northern Ireland, EPIC in Ireland and Voices from Care in Wales. The theme for this year’s Care Day was to reflect on the rights of each child in the care system. People within the care system were encouraged to write placards and take selfies with them to post to social media.
THE BRIDGE BETWEEN SCHOOL AND HOME Sheila Mulvenney Director of Attuned Education, author, speaker, coach and consultant.
H
aving worked with children and young people in care for many years I have had a lot of contact with foster carers and understand some of the frustrations they feel with education and the systems in place around children in care. I’ve listed below the common issues carers raise and I have given a few tips for handling these and using their unique position to advocate for the vulnerable children in their care. Parents Meetings In my view it is vital that carers attend these, and in my experience, they usually do, because they see the child every day and are well placed to make sure the school know what the child is like at home, what the child may say about school, or which days, sessions, or teachers may cause problems and stress for the child. Sometimes social workers attend as well though often the children don’t like peers to know they have a social worker, so this may need a bit of careful handling. Education, like social care, has its own ‘language’. Education, and in particular assessments, have changed massively over the last few years and it is almost like a foreign language. It is the teacher’s job to explain in a way you can understand. Tip - keep asking questions until you are sure you understand exactly what level the child is at in different subjects and what they need to do to improve. Personal Education Plan (PEP) Meetings It is a statutory requirement that every child in care has a PEP but there is no national PEP format, so each local authority has devised their own. Many virtual schools (the name
given to the cohort of children in the care of local authority and the officers who track and monitor their attainment) now use an electronic PEP but that doesn’t mean they are all the same. The process also varies from area to area. In some areas social workers arrange and coordinate the meeting, in others it is the school or the virtual school. So, make sure you know the specific PEP used in your area, and if you have questions contact the Virtual School. You should leave the PEP meeting with a clear idea of how the child you care for is progressing in school and what needs to happen to accelerate this progress. Targets should be SMART, specific, measurable, achievable (but aspirational), realistic and time limited. Tip - with targets ask yourself how you can tell it’s been achieved at the next meeting, if this seems difficult then it probably isn’t SMART. Also make sure you chat to the child before the meeting - even if you don’t complete the official pupil voice form, what the child or young person has told is important. Pupil Premium Pupil premium plus grant (PPG+) is allocated to every child in care. Foster carers usually get to know their children very well and often have some really good ideas about how the money could be spent. But they also know there are a lot of conditions that are put on how the money is spent. It is given to the Virtual school to distribute to the schools the children in care attend, the purpose being to raise attainment and accelerate progress. It is the schools who tend to lead on this. Every Virtual school distributes the grant differently, some release all of it to schools, others release part and others keep hold of all of it to provide specific services
Photo from Flickr - LucĂŠlia Ribeiro that can be accessed by schools. There is a huge range of things that it can be spent on, but both the school and the virtual school should evidence that it was used to promote achievement. It should be discussed at the PEP meeting and the pupil premium money should be used to ensure that the SMART targets listed can be achieved. Tip - If you are suggesting something it could be used for then you must think how it will help to raise attainment or accelerate progress. Exclusions Statutory guidance says this should be a last resort, but statistics tell us that it still happens far more than it should. Clearly this has a negative impact on the student who misses school and can put extra pressure on the carer and placement especially if the exclusion is permanent. The re-integration meeting can be particularly difficult and is usually based on the premise that the child chose to behave in that way. But sometimes there are reasons for this behaviour and until these are addressed then it may well continue. Each school must have a designated teacher for Looked After Children and often they will advocate for the child, but in some schools, they may not be senior enough to influence decisions around exclusions. Tip - if a child or young person is persistently sanctioned for the same behaviour ask what the school are doing to find out the cause or to
teach them different ways to handle situations they find difficult. Understanding the needs of Children in Care Apart from the practical aspects some carers feel frustrated that not all schools demonstrate a good awareness of the needs of vulnerable children, who will probably have experienced trauma and attachment issues. There is now a lot of helpful material for schools to use to develop knowledge and awareness among the staff team of the issues faced by children in care such as attachment, trauma and selfregulation. It is part of the role of the designated teacher to ensure that staff trained to meet the needs of the vulnerable students in the school. Tip- if the school doesn’t seem to understand the issues the student is facing try contacting the Virtual school who can often either deliver training, offer on line courses or suggest alternative strategies. Every school should have a nominated governor for looked after children so that is another avenue to pursue. The role of the foster carer is vital for every child and for the majority of them part of that role will be in being negotiating with the school to advocate for the child in their care. Visiti Sheila’s website at attunededucation.com
Who can foster? I’m thinking about fostering. What do I need to be eligible to foster a child?
If you have any questions or queries about who can and cannot foster, contact your local authority or see page 31 for some fostering hotlines.
To foster, you need: • • • •
to be at least 21 years-old (although by law you can apply to foster from 18) to have a spare bedroom big enough for a young person to live in to be a full-time resident in the UK or have leave to remain to be able to give the time to care for a child or young person, often on a full-time basis.
Other factors to consider: • Your health – are you fit and able to foster for now and the foreseeable future? • Your financial security – can you afford to foster? • Your home – is it safe for a child or young person? • Your friends and family – are there people who can support you to foster? • Your past – whether you have lived abroad and any previous convictions. • Your experience with children and young people – through family, work, or volunteering.
But I’ve heard that you can’t be in a same sex relationship or certain religions?
Fostering myths: • • • • • •
You can be single and foster You don’t have to own your own home Your sexual orientation won’t prevent you from fostering. Your religion won’t prevent you from fostering You don’t need any formal qualifications standards in England. You can sometimes continue to work and foster, depending on the type of fostering you want to do and the needs of the children you will be caring for.
SAVE THE DATE
5th - 11th March 2018
Are you Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transgender and considering adopting or fostering? LGBT Adoption & Fostering Week is run by New Family Social, the UK support group for LGBT adopters and foster carers. Each spring, agencies across the UK hold events specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender prospective parents.