El Estoque by charlottechui

Student reflects on taking daily snapshots throughout 2017

O | SH PHOT

ARJEE

L RAH

MAN

BY CHARLOTTE CHUI AND ADITI GNANASEKAR

EL ESTOQUE | JANUARY 2018

sickeningkumar Day 155: It’s that time of the year for me to embark on my 2 month pilgrimage to my mother land. I leave for India tomorrow morning at 11 AM and I’m gonna miss you all! I live in Coimbatore, Tami Nadu so if you ever wanna know what time it is, add 30 mins to PST and then flip AM to PM or other way around. I cut my hair too! I’m gonna be sending hella snaps and s*** so dw but yeah

USED WITH PERMISSION OF KAVIN SIVAKUMAR

A&E

t was tradition for senior Kavin Sivakumar to come up with a resolution at the start of every new year. For 2015, he made it a goal to run a mile every week. For 2016, he promised himself that he wouldn’t drink soda or eat red meat. Continuing this pattern, Sivakumar’s 2017 resolution was to take a selfie every day for a year and observe how he changed over the course of the year. Sivakumar drew inspiration from a video he saw in his photography class, where a man completed a similar project by taking daily pictures of himself for seven years. Seeing the video pan out sparked his interest in seeing his own growth over time. “Through the process, I just got more familiarized with my face because I feel like a lot of people are scared or are like, ‘Don’t take a picture of me. I don’t want to be photographed,’” Sivakumar said. “I’ve never been like that. But I always get a little self-conscious when I take selfies.”

When taking pictures of himself for his allowed him to express a different resolution, Sivakumar worried about the side of himself. Sivakumar used various factors that go into a selfie, such these daily pictures to create a as his appearance, facial expressions, the compilation at the end, spanning angle and even minute details like how his from Jan. 2017 to Jan. 2018. eyebrows must align with the three by three As Loo appears in many of grid on his phone’s camera. the group selfies Sivakumar had Posting his selfies daily on social media taken throughout the year, she helped him with this felt that these as he became more daily pictures were EVERY DAY WHEN I comfortable with a way to reflect on WROTE A CAPTION himself. By the end moments from her FOR [MY SELFIES], I of 2017, he had taken own life as well. over 400 pictures of Because of this, JUST VENTED OUT himself, including viewing the final MY FRUSTRATION ones with friends. product was an exciting OR SIMPLY GOT MY “I’m pretty experience for her. narcissistic,” “It was like we were THOUGHTS OUT. IN Sivakumar said. “I building up to this moment A WAY, IT WAS LIKE A think people think where we finally have a DIARY. of me as very selfwhole video made,” Loo SENIOR KAVIN centered, which I said. “We’re obviously not SIVAKUMAR don’t think is a bad going to have an exciting thing. When I realized or activity-filled day every that I’ve literally single day, and just seeing posted a picture of myself every single day those moments where we hung out together for a whole year, I was like, ‘This is the and had good times really reminded me of biggest thing for my own vanity that I’ve those days.” ever done.’” Sivakumar did have this purpose in Senior and Sivakumar’s friend senior mind when initially posting his selfies on Sydney Ty echoed a similar sentiment. Instagram, feeling that it was a convenient “I thought it was very like Kavin because way to keep a record and compile the I know he enjoys taking selfies,” Ty said. pictures in one place. Eventually, he found But this experience had another that these Instagram posts served another unexpected effect for Sivakumar: attention purpose as well. from followers. Over the course of 2017, “Every day when I wrote a caption for Sivakumar’s selfies on Instagram became [my selfies], I just vented out my frustration an expected occurrence for his followers. or simply got my thoughts out,” Sivakumar “People just got used to [my daily said. “In a way, it was like a diary. Every selfies],” Sivakumar said. “When I didn’t single post, I wrote how I was feeling that post a selfie for a while, people on my day. I can recount my year.” Instagram were like, ‘Where’s my selfie? For Sivakumar, these daily posts allow Where’s my daily selfie?’” him to go back and pinpoint a specific Senior and Sivakumar’s friend Danette moment, reflecting upon his changes and Loo is one of these supporters. feelings over the course of the year. He “His captions were really funny and I feels that he has grown more laid-back and enjoyed looking at them everyday,” Loo relaxed with this safe space to express his said. “Sometimes, I don’t see Kavin so it feelings honestly, with a positive mindset was nice to see [his selfie posts].” that every day is a new one. Ty had a similar response to Loo, Though he is unsure of how long commending Sivakumar’s commitment. he intends to take these daily selfies, Though Sivakumar faced challenges with Sivakumar is certain of his decision to his goal, such as when he missed a few days continue this project. In fact, he has made during a three month long trip to India or it his 2018 resolution to document his year during a hectic junior school year, Ty found in selfies but with one change in mind: to his consistency admirable. smile more in photos. “I felt like it was a huge accomplishment “As soon as I posted that last selfie, I was that he kept up with it for most of the year,” like, ‘Do I continue doing this?’” Sivakumar Ty said. “I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep said. “And then I just said to myself, ‘Let’s up with something like [that].” dive back in.’ Who knows how far I’ll go?” e Friends such as Ty and Loo enjoyed seeing Sivakumar’s posts and captions every day. Loo in particular liked that they A & E | JANUARY 2018

Various creations to make with peppermint BY CHARLOTTE CHUI

Along with the end of the year comes gifting presents, Christmas caroling and, of course, peppermint. Here are four DIY projects to try with this quintessential holiday favorite.

1 CANDY CANE TREES Try a fresh spin on a classic Christmas treat with this recipe, combining candy canes and white chocolate. Ingredients: Mini candy canes Peppermint candies White chocolate wafers Sprinkles Directions: 1. Preheat the oven to 300 degrees Fahrenheit. 2. Lay candy canes in a heart shape on baking sheet, with one peppermint candy at the heart’s tip. Cut a mini candy cane in half to create a “tree stump.” Place at heart’s opposite end. 3. Bake for three to five minutes, until soft. 4. Press the candy cane’s curved tips into a straight line. Pinch the candies together to attach all parts. Let cool. 5. Melt chocolate wafers. Spoon white chocolate into trees’ center and decorate with sprinkles. Let cool. sOURCE | JENNIFER FISHKIND

2 PEPPERMINT

3 PEPPERMINT LOTION

ORNAMENTS

BARS

Spice up your Christmas tree with this unique take on traditional ornaments. Ingredients: Peppermint candies Directions: 1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. 2. Spray the inside of ovensafe cookie cutters with nonstick cooking spray. Place on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper. 3. Fill the cookie cutters with a layer of peppermint candies. 4. Bake for three to nine minutes or until melted together. 5. Coat a toothpick with cooking spray and use it to make a hole in each candy. 6. Once cool, pop out the hardened ornament by carefully stretching out the cookie cutter. Thread with string or ribbon and hang on a Christmas tree. sOURCE | HELLO HOMEBODY

Chilly weather taking a toll? Moisturize dry skin with these mint scented lotion bars. Ingredients: 3 ounces cocoa butter 3 ounces coconut oil 3 ounces beeswax 36 drops of peppermint essential oil Directions: 1. Heat water in a medium pan over the stove, until simmering. 2. Place cocoa butter, coconut oil and beeswax into a bowl. 3. Place the glass bowl over the pan of simmering water until all ingredients are melted. 4. Remove from heat and stir in peppermint essential oil. 5. Pour into silicon molds. 6. Refrigerate to cool before removing and packaging. sOURCE | PLANT THERAPY

4 CANDY CANE SLEIGHS

A&E

MINT FOR THE HOLIDAYS

Transform candy into Santa’s sleigh ride with this sweet treat. Ingredients: 2 candy canes 10 miniature sized candy bars 1 full size Kit Kat bar Directions: 1. Glue the candy canes to the Kit Kat’s bottom for the sleigh’s base. 2. Stack and glue candy bars to make a pyramid formation on top of the Kit Kat. There will be four bars on the bottom, then three, then two, then one. 3. Wrap ribbon around the sleigh, tying it at the bottom. Tie and glue a bow on top. sOURCE | MAVIS BUTTERFIELD

PHOTO | SUNJIN CHANG

A & E | DECEMBER 2017

YOUR DREAM SCHOOL Admissions & Financial Aid Dear applicant,

WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU... that we cannot offer you admission to the class of 2022. We wish that a different decision could have been possible, but it’s important to experience rejection and learn to deal with it in a healthy way. Rejection is something we all inevitably have to deal with at some point in our lives. That’s not to say that we should become immune to the disappointment that comes along with it — you may feel an overwhelming frustration and that everything you’ve ever worked for has crumbled down because of a single decision. When it comes down to it, there are both healthy and toxic ways to work through rejection. Sincerely,

El E stoque Staff Editorial Opinion of the El Estoque Editorial Board 1 2

EL ESTOQUE | APRIL 2018

n the midst of college admission at play and ones that are completely out of decisions, rejection seemingly becomes your control. a commonplace. The rejection from Maybe you were rejected because the a safety school is unexpected. Your admissions officer didn’t think you would test scores are above average, and you fit in at the school. Maybe you had an didn’t think your extracurriculars or admissions officer similar to a SUNY Buffalo teacher recommendations were too State admissions officer, who confessed shabby either. You ask around for your that they rejected all the applications they peers’ results, browse numerous threads read the day after they got food poisoning. on r/ApplyingToCollege and College Maybe there isn’t even a concrete answer of Confidential and are slightly miffed upon why, so attempting to find out and wasting seeing that people who were accepted had time dwelling on and analyzing it will only the same — or even lower — statistics. prove futile. It’s a huge blow to your ego and It might be hard to separate external confidence in future decisions. In the success from feeling good about yourself. moment, it’s not It’s easy to feel enough to be told that that acceptances YOU MIGHT NOT BE ABLE the college you end up and compliments TO CONTROL REJECTION, at doesn’t determine will make you feel BUT YOU CAN CONTROL your future, and that better. And it takes “it’s what you make a great deal of effort THE WAY YOU REACT TO IT, of the experience.” to come to terms AND THAT MAKES ALL THE Even the politelywith rejection. But DIFFERENCE. worded rejection take time to realize letter encouraging you and remember that to take pride in your accomplishments and colleges only know what you showed them, saying that the decision isn’t a reflection on and that there’s so much to being a person you as a person, seems insincere. that can’t be summed up in supplemental In the face of rejection, the competitive essays or interviews. The more you equate culture of college admissions lures students your sense of self worth with your college in. When a highly anticipated school results, the worse off you’ll be. Your releases its admission decisions and you’re understanding of your worth as a human rejected — along with the majority of your being should not be contingent on what an peers — there’s often a frantic flurry to find admissions officer thousands of miles away out who got in, what their stats were, what spent a few minutes trying to understand. they had that you lacked. College admissions is one of the first It might be an effort to justify that large hurdles that high school students rejection, to make it sting a little less. If you face in terms of rejection. It elicits an could just find a logical reason behind why intense, emotional response, and you may you received that rejection, it feels like it’ll not be able to stand it at first. After all, it’s be easier to swallow or that it’ll be easier to rejection. It has the ability to make us feel move on with peace of mind. But does that incredibly insecure. really work? At that point, there’s nothing Some people may be able to brush it off we can change about our results, and and continue on their merry way. Others finding out more about the success of your won’t be as unaffected, and it’s healthy to peers at such a low point probably won’t take the time to mourn the possibilities of actually make you feel any better. what could have been, consult your support In terms of college admissions, it’s system and organize your thoughts. You important to realize that it’s unlikely you’ll might not be able to control rejection, but be accepted into every single school you you can control the way you react to it, and apply to. There are unpredictable factors that makes all the difference.

68% 81% of students feel better after finding out why they were rejected

of students view rejection as a valuable learning experience

*According to a survey of 330 MVHS students

*According to a survey of 328 MVHS students

While it’s important to not delve too deeply into the inner workings of college admissions decisions, the same advice might not apply to a “no” from a sports team, summer program or employer. There are aspects you can improve upon for future endeavors. When you’re cut from a sports team, it might be in your best interest to talk to the coach and find out why, so you can put that specific advice into your practices. Try out again next year and show everyone how much you improved. When you’re rejected from that prestigious summer camp you were hoping to attend, think of all the aspects of your application. Maybe you already have an inkling of why, or maybe you don’t know where to start. If you’re still intent on the program, take time before next year’s application to possibly boost your GPA, become more involved in extracurriculars that you genuinely enjoy, form relationships with your recommenders or brainstorm more about your essays. The same goes for job searching. There are definitely aspects you can improve on for next time in light of your rejection. It might be reevaluating your resume, brushing up on interview skills with the help of friends or trying to ask for constructive feedback from employers. They might say no, or you might not like what you hear, but at least you’ll get information that can help you improve and potentially erase any doubts about why you didn’t get an offer. Rejection is so commonplace, and while this might also be common advice — it’s important to learn from rejection. One failure doesn’t define you or sweep you under a generalization that you can’t escape from. It might not seem like it in the moment, but there are other opportunities out there to work towards — you just have to search or wait. So while it may not be productive to go searching for definitive reasons behind your rejections or obsess over why others weren’t rejected, direct that effort eventually into being receptive and flexible, and look towards the future with newfound conviction. e

79% of students are scared of rejection

*According to a survey of 330 MVHS students

OPINION | APRIL 2018

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MAPPED

Location tracking apps are intrusive and break trust in relationships

e have certain established expectations when it comes to privacy. For example, we expect privacy when we are alone, when we’re on the phone and when we’re at home. On a day to day basis, these expectations are seemingly met. The problem, however, starts when our expected privacy is taken away. And we have technology to thank for that — specifically, the apps on our phones. We now have apps for studying, cooking, dating and countless other activities. One app in particular, Life360, takes technology’s presence in our lives to the extreme. Imagine an app on your phone that tracks where you go, how fast you’re going and when you leave or enter certain locations. That is the basis of Life360. Life360 allows users to create several circles for their family or different friend groups and then view the location of others in their group on a real-time map. They can also set notifications for when a user arrives or leaves school, work or home. With the rise of apps that have these features, parents also have a new way to monitor their children 24/7. The instinctive reaction among teenagers when hearing about these sort of apps is one of indignation. It’s too easy to imagine a situation in which overbearing parents use these apps to take the art of micromanaging their children to the next level. Of course, the more rational, reasonable side of using the app is that parents can keep track of their children for safety purposes. But the boundary between safety and intrusiveness is a thin line to tread, especially when taking different family dynamics into consideration. It starts with this vicious cycle: if our parents want to install these apps on our phones, it is easy to jump to the conclusion that they don’t trust us. After all, if they feel the need to keep track of where we are at all times, outside of using it for safety purposes (which is possible to do with less invasive apps like Find My iPhone), it’s synonymous to them saying that they don’t trust us to tell the truth about where we are. It seems like they don’t believe we can make responsible choices or stay out of trouble without

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EL ESTOQUE | MAY 2018

their constant supervision. Naturally, this can get frustrating. At the same time, if we refuse to download these apps or seem opposed to the idea, our refusal simply gives them more reason to distrust us. In their eyes, our refusal only emphasizes the need to download apps like Life360. It seems that there’s no way to win and that it only harms both sides. However, it’s important to realize that if the relationship between parent and child were built upon trust, the situation above could be avoided. The foundation of a healthy relationship should be established to prevent these situations. It is our responsibility to communicate with our parents and let them know where we are. Simply texting our parents we’re staying after school to make up a test or

that we’re getting food with friends can reassure them, rather than not coming home without telling them beforehand. This way, our parents won’t feel as much of a need to use apps like Life360. This establishes a balance between allowing kids to have freedom and addressing our parents’ safety concerns. Open communication also lessens our parents’ worries and strengthens our relationships with them. If we form this strong relationship to begin with and establish this intial trust, they’re more likely to allow us more freedom. However, it is important to recognize that a healthy relationship isn’t always possible. There certainly will be parents who will do everything they can to manage their child’s whereabouts, crossing the line into the extreme. This

34%

57%

of students use location tracking apps *According to a survey of 287 MVHS students

56% of students are not okay with their parents using location tracking apps *According to a survey of 229 MVHS students

of students who use location tracking apps use them with parents

*According to a survey of 152 MVHS students

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ILLUSTRATION | MALLIKA SINGH

being said, there are also kids who will a relationship that should have originally continually break whatever rules are been built upon trust. set — which only traps us back in the We also have to acknowledge that vicious cycle. Life360 takes invasion of privacy to This is why the exchange of trust must another level. There are various other be mutual. If we choose to break that apps like Find My iPhone or Find Friends trust by consistently lying about where that don’t actively send notifications and we are or updates to sneaking users of the out without app. While permission, Life360 we’re only does only justifying send these our parents’ notifications OPINION OF THE EL ESTOQUE concerns. if a user EDITORIAL BOARD On the sets them, o t h e r it makes hand, if our parents break that trust these options available. In the case of and continue to track us, regardless other apps like Find My iPhone and Find of if we regularly update them on our Friends, it is only when a parent actively whereabouts, it feels like this trust isn’t opens the app to check on their child that mutual at all. they will they receive information about If we’ve shown that we can be their location. trusted, through regular and honest Especially in the age of online communication, it’s then on our parents connectivity, when our data no longer to reciprocate that and allow us a certain feels private, it’s chilling to think that on amount of freedom. It is excessive and the other side of some obscure screen, invasive for parents to constantly track people are watching our every move: and receive notifications about their what we like on Facebook, our Google children’s location because this harms searches, our recent purchases. The

STAFF EDITORIAL

least our parents can do is make us feel safe and free to make our own choices, not like we’re being constantly watched. In addition, it’s inevitable that there will come a time when our parents can no longer watch over us. We should start developing that freedom now so we can develop a habit of taking responsibility for our choices. Unless there’s reason to believe that we’re in danger, it is best for parents to take a step back and let us take our own paths. e

OPINION | MAY 2018

Write for you S

Reviews of various pens and highlighters BY CHARLOTTE CHUI

tored in a container on the corner of a desk, tucked behind an ear or buried at the bottom of a backpack — writing utensils can spruce up chemistry notes or add a colorful pop to a daily planner. Here are some of the best items, from pens to highlighters, to try out.

Pilot Hi-Tec-C Maica

Price: $2.50 each, $1.50 each if buying a pack of 12

Pilot’s Hi-Tec-C Maica pens come in a whole rainbow of colors, with a selection of 12 ink options, though the nuances between colors like Orange and Apricot Orange or Pink and Baby Pink are subtle. With a slightly wider barrel than most conventional pens, the Maica makes for a comfortable grip. Offering only 0.3 mm and 0.4 mm sizes, the precise tip widths lean towards the thinner side, so writing with these pens gives a slightly scratchy feel on paper. The price point is a bit steep, but they are more reasonably priced if buying them in a pack.

Rating: 3/5

Muji Gel Ink Ballpoint

Price: $1.50 each, $1.00 each if buying a pack

These pens come in a wide variety of colors, offering selections from the classic black and blue to more unusual colors like purple and orange, with width options of 0.38 mm, 0.5 mm and 0.7 mm. The gel ink lays down smoothly on paper, with no bleeding or feathering and only minimal smudging. Conveniently, Muji also sells ink refills at a slightly lower price to replace old ink cartridges, making these pens a little more environmentally friendly. Muji’s minimally packaged pens are the ones to reach for on a daily basis. Reliable, no frills — these are the Carmex of ballpoint pens.

Rating: 4.5/5

Sakura Pigma Microns

Price: $2.89 each

Sakura’s Pigma Microns offer the most comprehensive range of tip widths, starting with 0.2 mm and increasing in increments of 0.05 mm to the thickest of 0.5 mm. With pigment-based ink, these pens don’t bleed, smudge or feather. However, these softer, felt tip-like pens may not be the best choice for heavy-handed writers, especially when using the thinner tip widths. These Pigma Microns are on the higher end in terms of price, but what they lack in affordability, they make up for in quality.

Rating: 4.5/5

Zebra Mildliners Muji Dual Clear Tips

Price: $6.80 for pack of five

Zebra’s Mildliners are double sided, with a chisel tip on one end and a pointed tip on the other. There is minimal ink bleeding with thin paper — none at all in other cases, depending on paper thickness — and no smudging. Mildliners’ ink come in all the standard colors of highlighters and then some, with options like brown and gray. But true to its name, Mildliners come in mild, muted tones. Think less of the neon fluorescence of conventional highlighters and more pastel. Slightly frivolous? Probably. Visually pleasing? Absolutely.

Rating: 5/5

Price: $1.95 each

Sticking to its simplistic style, Muji’s dual ended highlighters come in clear packaging and have a more limited selection, with only five color options. The ink doesn’t smudge and has some minimal bleeding on thinner paper. The chiseled end has a transparent tip which helps one see the words being highlighted on the page and know when to stop highlighting — a unique concept, if a bit unnecessary. These Muji highlighters’ muted ink colors are of the same breed as the Mildliners and are overall reminiscent of a slightly more expensive, yet minimalistic cousin of the Mildliners.

Rating: 4/5 3

EL ESTOQUE | MARCH 2018

STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES Four creations to make with roses BY CHARLOTTE CHUI

dd a rosy tint to your life by experimenting with these floral crafts and recipes. From rose jam — swirled into a bowl of creamy yogurt or spooned onto a warm lemon scone — to fragrant rose petal sachets — tucked into a closet drawer or hung in the car, here are four DIY projects to try with roses.

1.1 ROSE JAM

22 PRESSED BOOKMARK

3 ROSE LEMONADE 3.

4 AIR FRESHENER SACHET 4.

Supplies: - 2 ounces rose petals - 1 1/2 cups water - 2 cups sugar - 3 tablespoons lemon juice - 1 teaspoon fruit pectin

Supplies: - Fresh roses & assorted flowers - Tissues or paper towel - Parchment paper - Large book - 1 1/2 x 8 1/2 inch cardstock - School glue - Water-based sealer

Supplies: - 1 cup sugar - 2 cups water - 1/2 cup dried, food-grade rose petals - 1 cup lemon juice - Lemon slices

Supplies: - Dried rose petals & optional assorted flowers or herbs - 1/4 cup rice - 5 by 2 1/2 inches of lightweight cloth - Ribbon - Needle & thread

Steps: 1. In a medium saucepan, bring the rose petals and water to a simmer for 10 minutes, while stirring occasionally. 2. Add half of the sugar to saucepan. Stir until dissolved. 3. Add lemon juice and let simmer for 10 minutes. 4. Mix the remaining sugar and pectin in a separate bowl. While stirring, add the sugar and pectin mixture slowly into the jam. Continue to simmer for 20 minutes. 5. Let cool to room temperature, then refrigerate. SOURCE | FEASTING AT HOME

Steps: 1. Line book pages with tissues. Place flower petals and plants between the pages. Weigh down the book, and wait two to three weeks until petals are completely dry. 2. Arrange pressed petals on the cardstock, then glue down. 3. Place bookmark between parchment paper, and put a book on top overnight. 4. Laminate the bookmark, or seal with water-based sealer and let dry.

Steps: 1. Fold the rectangular cloth in half, then sew the two edges together. Turn the pouch inside out, so the seam is on the inside of the sachet. 2. Mix together dried rose petals and rice, then fill cloth pouch. Tie the opening at the top of the pouch with ribbon. 3. Once scent wears off, replace the rose petals and rice mixture. SOURCE | THE PIONEER WOMAN

SOURCE | FOODESS

SOURCE | FELT MAGNET

Steps: 1. In a medium saucepan, heat sugar, water and rose petals, stirring occasionally until the sugar dissolves completely. 2. Remove saucepan from heat and let the rose syrup cool to room temperature. 3. Strain the rose petals from the syrup. 4. Add the rose syrup to the lemon juice and stir until thoroughly combined. 5. Add lemon slices, ice and optional rose petals to garnish.

EL ESTOQUE | SEPTEMBER 2019

Write for you S

Reviews of various pens and highlighters BY CHARLOTTE CHUI

Pilot Hi-Tec-C Maica

Price: $2.50 each, $1.50 each if buying a pack of 12

Rating: 3/5

Muji Gel Ink Ballpoint

Price: $1.50 each, $1.00 each if buying a pack

Rating: 4.5/5

Sakura Pigma Microns

Price: $2.89 each

Rating: 4.5/5

Zebra Mildliners Muji Dual Clear Tips

Price: $6.80 for pack of five

Rating: 5/5

Price: $1.95 each

Rating: 4/5 3

EL ESTOQUE | MARCH 2018

The gift of life Experiencing the early stages of motherhood

hen guidance counselor Jessica Coscia reflects upon her experience as a mother, moments with her son spring to mind: calls of “Mama!” when she walks into the room, him coming up to hold her hand or give hugs and kisses, sitting in her lap, wanting to be read the “Dragons Love Tacos” book. Smile wide, teary-eyed, these moments spill out of Coscia fluidly. “You’re going to make me cry again because I’m a hormonal mess,” Coscia said. “This is what happens when you talk to a pregnant lady.” While Coscia has a one and a half year old son, Bishop, she is also pregnant with her daughter, arriving in April. Going through this for the second time, she does feel there is a notable difference. “You don’t know what to expect the first time around,” Coscia said. “There’s so many people giving you advice and telling you different things — it can be kind of overwhelming and scary. You worry more when you’re a first time parent because you don’t have anything to compare to. But this time, I feel a lot more relaxed.” Theater teacher Sara Capule, expecting her first child in February, has a similar relaxed approach, taking potential difficulties one day at a time. “I think it’s very easy to have a lot of anxiety about the fact that my life will completely change once I have a kid,” Capule said. “But I just am not the kind of person to worry about things like that in advance. My husband and I are doing everything to be best prepared, so I can’t actually say I’m nervous about anything.” While Capule did prepare by getting the nursery ready with animal-themed decor and learning about pregnancy through books and online research, she also focused on aspects like taking care of herself and in turn, the baby. Capule also anticipated the change in her relationship’s dynamic and is going on more dates with her husband before becoming parents. For English teacher Lindsay Stuart, preparation began as soon as she found out about her pregnancy with now eightmonth-old daughter Allie. “I started making a list of everything I thought I would [and] talking to people,” Stuart said. “In terms of learning different 2

EL ESTOQUE | NOVEMBER 2017

BY CHARLOTTE CHUI

skills, [my husband and I] took six different parenting classes at the medical center.” Even with the factors mothers account for, there are still unexpected difficulties, such as the sleep deprivation for Coscia. Between constant feedings and Bishop waking up every two hours, Coscia didn’t really get any sleep in the beginning. “People tell you that you’re not going to sleep and you say okay, but you don’t really realize how little you’re going to sleep,” Coscia said. “You are not getting any sleep the first couple months and that was kind of shocking. You’re in a haze the entire time.” Though Stuart did also experience this lack of sleep, the most surprising aspect was the transition with getting to know her daughter, which didn’t happen immediately. “As soon as you meet your child, you certainly love them, but you don’t necessarily feel like you know them yet,” Stuart said. “Because even though I’m her mother and she’s my baby, you’re still kind of strangers.” Another unexpected aspect was the isolation Stuart felt. As one of the first among her friends to become a mother, the

loneliness of the situation was challenging. However, Stuart feels that some of these difficulties taught her to accommodate unexpected changes. “The only way to survive is just to be flexible and be willing to change your plans at the last minute,” Stuart said. “It’s also taught me to forgive myself, be less of a perfectionist, because especially as a new mom who’s working full time, it’s just impossible to do everything at the same level as I did before. That was kind of hard for me to accept at first, but I think that’s the only way to try to do it all.” Even with the changes that come along with raising a child, Coscia is quick to note that the overall experience is undoubtedly still worth it. “It’s hard when you first have a child,” Coscia said. “It can be stressful and overwhelming, but you figure it out and it gets better. The outcome outweighs all of the exhaustion.” Stuart holds a similar sentiment. Moments like taking her daughter Allie to meet her PHOTO | JACOB WEE grandparents on the East Coast and seeing Allie interact and respond to her only enforced this opinion. “As soon as they smile around three months, it’s so rewarding,” Stuart said. “You finally feel like they’re acknowledging you as a human being, as opposed to just a source of food. Now that she’s more active, just playing with her and seeing her explore the world is really worth it.” Stuart’s treasured moments are also some aspects that Capule looks forward to. “I can’t wait to see the kid smile and hear the kid laugh and all those moments where it’s clear, like this is a little human being,” Capule said. “[During the first ultrasound], we got to hear the baby’s heartbeat. That brought to reality how real the situation was, that I was growing a human being.” Even as a soon to be mother of two, Coscia still finds herself amazed at the concept of motherhood. “As a woman, you can grow a child inside of you, and then you have this little person that you created that you then get to see grow and change,” Coscia said. “It blows my mind all the time. My husband and I are always like, ‘We made that kid. That’s crazy.’” e