How Low Self-Esteem Can Affect Young People And Adults

Written by Marilena Andreou, Cognitive Behavioural Psychotherapist

Self-esteem refers to the general opinions that we have about ourselves. When a person has healthy self-esteem, they generally tend to feel more positive about themselves. A person with low self-esteem has more negative self-beliefs and tends to be more self-critical.

Where does low self-esteem stem from?

Most of the time low self-esteem stems from childhood. The main component of self-esteem is in your specific beliefs about yourself. Sometimes you may view these beliefs as concrete facts about yourself. It is worth noting that these are more distorted perceptions that you have developed about yourself rather than actual facts. These perceptions (opinions) are often biased or inaccurate. The opinions you hold about yourself can be adapted.

Most people’s perceptions about themselves come from some of the experiences that they have had. Teachers, friends, parents and even the media can send both positive and negative messages about ourselves. Those with low self-esteem can fixate on the negative messages that they have received in their lives and start believing them through to adulthood. This negative belief system can perpetuate and sometimes leads to anxiety and depression.

How do negative experiences affect young people?

The beliefs we have about ourselves have been learned. The negative beliefs you have about yourself are based on conclusions that you have developed because of what has happened to you. Your thinking has been hugely influenced by those around you, the things people said, the things you saw in your childhood. Furthermore your negative thinking patterns could have continued to the present day which has contributed to low self-esteem.

Punishment, neglect or abuse

If children are treated badly, then most of the time they make assumptions that they must have deserved this. If you were punished frequently (particularly if it was excessive), abused or neglected then these experiences affect how you perceive yourself in general.

Not meeting parental standards

If others (teachers, parents, and friends) treated you as if the things you did were never not good enough, and highlighted your mistakes then you could have been left believing that there is something wrong with you and that you are different (or the ‘odd one out’) from the others around you. You could have internalised that being different means being somehow odd or inferior.

Here are some good tips about how to acquire healthy self-esteem:

• Identify the negative beliefs you have about yourself and write down some evidence that challenges them. Don’t believe everything you think.

• Keep a diary on a daily basis of good things that people say or have said about you.

• Write down what you are good at doing (for example, cooking, playing football, drawing, arts and crafts et cetera). Try and do more of the things that you are good at as this can also bring a sense of enjoyment and can improve your mood.

• Be kind to yourself – talk to yourself as if you were talking to your best friend, with compassion.

• Be assertive – you don’t need to be a people-pleaser to be liked, learn to say no to others and to communicate your needs.

In conclusion, low self-esteem affects young people and adults, it often develops in childhood. But there are things that you can to boost your self-esteem and make it healthier.

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