3 minute read

How do I talk to my child about racism?

Paula Rhone-Adrien is a leading Black female Barrister. Keep up to date with her journey on social media @familylawguruuk

The recent headlines and shocking images around the alarming killing of American black man George Floyd by US police has undoubtedly caused us all to question how or why this could ever have happened.

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What can you say to your child when he or she asks you questions about this terrible and tragic incident and the undeniable issues of racism that it raises? What can you possibly say to explain the visions of anger, hurt and furious protests that are being beamed into your home?

If your child is asking questions because either they have seen or overheard something then please don’t shy away from answering, be brave and tackle the question head on.

If you don’t have an answer then admit it. Children have a sixth sense for sniffing out a response given to either shut them or a topic down. If you give them that impression; that there is something to hide, shy away from or be embarrassed about, then that is the impression that they will be left with.

This would be wrong, particularly when history tells us that it is those who fail to question or challenge wrongdoing that permits such wrongdoing to fester.

In any event, if you don’t give them an answer, they will look somewhere else and who knows where that will lead!

Children are being taught about race, culture and diversity all the time, even in nursery they are taught to describe themselves, their family and their community. They watch TV and will notice differences far more than we give them credit for.

However, what they don’t understand is why those differences should create feelings of hatred and anger and this is where you come in. Ultimately there is no right answer to my headline question. However, you may find that you need to challenge yourself first and your own views about what you understand racism to be. What do your network of friends look like? How do you express feelings about people of different ethnicities and cultures when at home? Do your children, for example, possess books that reference those from other races in a positive light?

If you do care about your child understanding and appreciating people from other ethnicities and cultures, then take responsibility for ensuring that they get clear positive messages from you, or that you are able to reinforce that positive message if they challenge you with a negative one.

Remember racism is not innate but learned. This means, the power to eradicate the unfairness that results from this bias is very real and attainable through education, information and communication, be that with your child, those in your community, or with society as a whole.

You should also be conscious that racism goes beyond the tragic loss of George Floyd – terrible though that was – and can cause just as much harm through, for example, negative stereotyping that leads to a skewed view of how others should be treated in society, from the type of jobs they get to how they obtain justice.

It is just as important to tackle that bias because in failing to address this, those who suffer unfair treatment will become disaffected, angry and turn away from the more conventional methods of seeking redress due to the fact that they no longer trust in the system.

The fact is, those protesting against the death of Mr Floyd no longer trust that the system will protect them from injustice.

Children know all about life being ‘so unfair’, from having to go to bed at 7pm to not getting to eat sweets all day every day. Helping them to identify and understand unfairness, that some adults get it wrong and others are trying to make it better is a starting point on what will be a long journey, as they try to understand why some mistreat others, purely on the grounds of their race.

Great books that you can introduce into bedtime reading

A Good Kind of Trouble: 10-12 years

My Hair is a Garden: 5-7 years

Harlem's Little Blackbird: 3-7 years

Little Leaders Book: 8-11 years

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