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to know who they are, know there’s nothing wrong with them, and know they’re free to make different choices— more informed ones. Likewise, allosexuals who date out asexuals are free to make informed choices of their own. (Allosexual is the opposite of asexual . . . and, yes, you could call allosexuals plain ol’ sexuals, but confusing new terms that have to be unpacked in parentheticals is better than simple and clear language that doesn’t have to be unpacked in a parenthetical.)

But what do you do now, ACED? Nothing. You know who you are after all these years, you’ve explained who you are to your husband, and your husband has your permission to seek sex elsewhere, if he so chooses.

If he needs to feel a deep emotional connection in order to experience sexual attraction—if your husband just realized he’s demisexual (sigh)—he can seek out women who are . . . I don’t know . . . unhappily married to emotionally obtuse men they don’t wanna leave for the sake of their kids and might be seeking some dick and affection elsewhere.

Romantic love isn’t a zerosum game—loving someone else doesn’t mean your husband has to love you any less, or any differently, than he does right now. v

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