DEAR DELI LADY … Life with autism is still a daily struggle BY ALI GOODMAN
SPECIAL NEEDS
I
’m no longer embarrassed by my kid. I admit, there was a time, not too long ago, where I was embarrassed. Woefully. Painfully embarrassed. I think it stemmed from not understanding his behaviors and thinking that others would judge me as a mom when he was acting out. And then there’s the stimming. Jackson stims with hand movements, visually with his eyes and verbally with sounds. The verbal stim is usually an “eeeee” sound or a high-pitched “aaaahhhh.” They happen automatically. They happen often. They happen without warning. They are never quiet. When he was a baby, I had no clue his rocking on all fours, his mouth noises or his obsession with ceiling fans were clues into what was happening with him. I thought it was totally normal baby behavior. My first clue into something amiss began with what I wryly refer to as “The Bagel Incident.” Jackson was about 15 months old when we went to lunch at a deli in our neighborhood. We were a large group— my four nephews, my brother and sister-in-law, my parents, Jackson and me. It’s one of those restaurants where you order at the counter,
looking deli/restaurant. Jackson looked up and was totally enthralled by the ceiling fans. He was hyperfocused and excited by them and started to verbally stim a high-pitched sound that was, yes, loud. But he was not crying. He was not even upset. He was excited and fascinated and his way of expressing it was through sound. We were mostly finished with our meal when an older woman walked up to us. My mom was holding Jackson and I was trying to finish my meal. I heard the woman say, “It isn’t fair. You shouldn’t bring him.” That’s when I snapped to attention. I joined my mom and said, “I’m sorry, what was that?” She looked at me and said, “Is this your child?” I said, “Yes, he is.” She then gets a sympathetic look on her face, places her hand on my arm and tells me, “Honey, you cannot bring this child out. He ruined 50
grab a table number sign and then find somewhere to sit. It was pretty busy since it was lunchtime. The space has tall ceilings with ceiling fans and fluorescent lights. The floor is a linoleum tile. It’s a standard
16 March 2020 CHICAGOPARENT.COM
”I should have stood up for him. I should have advocated for him. Granted, I didn’t know his diagnosis, but I still should not have let that woman say such shaming things to me about my kid.”
