FAILURE IS AN OPTION

FAILURE IS AN OPTION FRED ENGELFRIED / DIRECTOR, NORTH COAST HOLDINGS

For we Type-A CEOs, rejection is a blip to overcome, or even a motivator—but others may need a hand coping with setbacks.

Fred Engelfried is director/chair of North Coast Holdings and its subsidiary Lewis Tree Service. He has been a member of the board of directors of Lewis for over 20 years and is president of Market Sense, a participative management firm that has served more than 100 regional clients over 35 years. WE ALL EXPERIENCE IT GROWING UP: REJECTION!

Page through your personal history: you didn’t make the team, you got turned down at your preferred college, you didn’t get a job offer from the “dream” employer that recruited you, you were passed over for a promotion.

For some of us it’s just a part of life, but for others it can be a source of anxiety that may lead to withdrawal. Not everyone has leather skin.

Early in my career, I was chasing a game-changer-size order with a national company. I had no formal sales training, just an unmerited big ego. I called the buyer almost daily to check if the order had been released as promised, always trying to have “openers” first—local sports talk, weather, weekend activities. Clearly, I brought no skills to this interaction, and one day the buyer said, “Fred, don’t call me no more, I’ll tell you when it’s ready.” I had been rejected…big time! Devastated, with my oversized ego deflated, I sulked in my office, hoping I hadn’t trashed the opportunity.

I once knew an executive who, when faced with peers who disagreed with his opinions/conclusions, would unrelentingly focus not on understanding the others’ positions but instead bore in on why they thought he was wrong. Even when his colleagues changed subjects, he was obsessive about reverting back to acceptance of his views. He could not stand the thought of being rejected and used combative mechanisms to deny peers the opportunity, provoking the same fear of rejection in some of them.

Most of us have a good understanding of how the experience of rejection has shaped us. Creating an environment where its negative impact can be minimized is the greater challenge. Here are a few approaches to consider: RIGHT RESPONSE. Always be timely in your response to initiatives and respectful if deferring action. “Soft landings” tend to keep the door open; hard landings e.g., “no” or no response at all can eventually slam it shut.

PREP THEM. When you’re sending someone into a situation expected to be adversarial, prep him/her for the worse case. “They may throw our proposal in the basket,” “they’re upset with us and may use the meeting to take us behind the woodshed,” “I’ve been through that before, don’t take it personally,” or, “Here are some things I would do.”

BEHAVIOR MODS. Watch for the signs, especially with folks who were initially open and interactive. Some shut down, while others seem distracted. It’s important for them to verbalize their concerns and just as important for us to help them develop coping skills.

BE HONEST. Don’t rationalize the rejecter’s behavior—e.g., “that’s just him” or “he does that with everyone” doesn’t make anything right. Fix the behavior problem in the offender. Left unchecked, you may end up with more followers than leaders.

As seasoned CEOs, we know how it feels, that it comes with the territory, but not everyone in our orbit feels the same. Being confronted with rejection from time to time doesn’t make us failed executives, nor does it mean a team member is weak. It does, however, provide us the opportunity to help them understand its influence and to create a work environment that minimizes its negative impact. The personal experiences cited above have stayed with me to this day, and I use them as a teachable moment for others. CE

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