2015 - GAILLARDON Marine - Becoming transcultural parents by China Studio

Master Degree thesis - China Studio 2014 / 2015 Marine Gaillardon

ABSTRACT Every person has their own habits and beliefs coming from their own culture. Although some ÂŤpregnancy rulesÂť are quite universal (no drinking, no smoking, no drugs etc), each culture has also its own rules regarding pregnant women, and Chinese culture is not an exception. In ancient China, pregnancy and childbirth were so mysterious that there were many rules to respect in order to prevent and avoid misfortunes. All these traditions were based on the TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) which saying that pregnancy and childbirth use to get out the energy of the future mother. That is why all the advices are turned around prevention and protection of the baby and the mother to be. To this day, Chinese people try to respect and follow some of these important pregnancy customs. They are very attentive and careful to ensure that everything goes smoothly. They may tell you what you have to do or cannot do in your everyday life. It is a lot of pressure for Chinese women, especially from the family, but also from the society in general. We can wonder how a couple with different cultural background manage it?

How do they deal with their two cultures during this important and intimate moment which is giving life and starting a family? The aim of this dissertation is to discover and learn about these Chinese traditions around pregnancy. In order to bring out similarities and differences between cultures, I want to compare and study relationships inside the couple and the family. In this way, seeing and explaining the different issues experienced when people have and raise a child in China, and how they manage it, being a couple with a multicultural background. This writing aims at helping to understand how Chinese Culture affects mixed coupleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s pregnancy experience in China. In order to get answers to this question, I will firstly make observations, then I will interview couples of mixed origins, and improve this field approach with reading and internet researches. We will go through the main aspects of transcultural pregnancy experience such as: medical aspect, chinese customs - during and after the birth - , the concept and vision of the family, and the relation within the family of both parts and inside the couple.

FOREWORD This thesis has been written as part of my end-of-studies project at Lâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Ecole de Design Nantes Atlantique. After three years of studying graphic design in France, I came to Shanghai to achieve my master degree specialized in Transcultural Design at the China Studio. I chose to come to Shanghai to observe, understand and learn another culture. I was very anxious about the idea of leaving France, and immersing myself in a foreign country with other customs, habits and a language totally unknown. But it was also what pushed me into leaving. I wanted to live an adventure, literally! I wanted to discover another life style, but not only, also discovering

and challenging myself in a way I never did. Leaving my family, friends and everything I used to know. Working on myself and get out of my cozy family unit. It was a difficult decision to take but I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t regret it. I have learn a lot about Chinese people and China since I am living here, but it also gave me an open-mindedness, autonomy and an patience that I havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t before. It has provided me transcultural eyes that help me to understand how to look at a different culture behaviour by avoiding prejudices. The thesis you are going to read his based on observation, interviews and research made from May 2013 to January 2014.

SUMMARY

INTRODUCTION I. context 1/ Statistics 2/ Definitions a. What is meant by «“mixed“ couple b. What ransculturality is c. Anthropologically

II. THE Process

III. Within the family

1/ Medical aspect a. Medical follow-up b. Child’s gender c. C-section

1/ Conception of the family a. Different perceptions b. Birth control policy

2/ Cultural aspect a. During pregnancy b. After the birth

2/ Relationships a. Relation with their in-laws b. Relation with their family c. Relation inside the couple

Conclusion 8

INTRODUCTION One year and a half ago, I came to Shanghai to achieve my master degree. Then, I started to live in an apartment with a transcultural couple: Cindy, a chinese woman, and Tolik, a Belarusian man. We used to share the same kitchen the same kitchenware. One day, I used a ceramic pan belonging to my chinese roommate to boil pasta. When she entered in the kitchen and saw me with her pan, she laughed and told me «Oh dear, if people saw you using it to cook pasta they would think you are so cute!». I was quite lost and perplex, so I asked her why she told me that. Then she explained me that I should not to use this tool except if I wished to be pregnant. Cooking food in this kind of material was, according to her and Chinese people’s belief, «good for the uterus» and so helpful to become pregnant. This caught my interest, I found her story amusing and interesting. From my western and atheist point of view it sounds unusual and impressive. I have never heard that kind of story in France, and I did not know that there were such pregnancy’s beliefs in Chinese culture.

That is why I started doing some research about it and the subject of becoming a mother in China. Then, it made me to wonder how a transcultural couple who have different belief and background deal with that differences? Especially when they think of starting a family. The fact of having a baby and becoming parents is an important moment, it is already a big deal and challenge your whole life. So, what happens if you have to live your pregnancy far away from all you know, from your family and your friends, in a foreign country and in a different culture? From my perspective, it looks very frightening. If I decided to stay in China and to build my family here with a Chinese man, I guess I will be completely lost. I would need to be close to my family, especially to my mother, and I will also be afraid that our different way of thinking drive us further apart instead of bringing us together in this crucial moment. This questioning was the starting point of my project, as well as these three questions: What is the process of becoming a mother

– within a mixed couple - in Shanghai ? What are their issues ? And how to improve their daily life with a design approach? The following dissertation will bring part of answers to these questions in order to establish the context and justify my design project realized at the same time as this writing. As I have already spent one year in Shanghai when I started my researches, this city was obviously the best context for me to use as a background for my research. Moreover, Shanghai is the city the most populated in China (in term of urban population), one of the largest megalopolis in the world with over 23.5 million inhabitants, but also and especially a cosmopolitan city! Some even call it the “expat land” or the “laowai paradise”. According to this globalization the arrival of foreigners increases in the city, and so mixed marriages are more frequent. About one fifth of the 110 000 mixed marriages count one spouse non-originating of the China’s continental part. So Shanghai was a good place

for me to meet mixed couples. However, this city stands out in a country with a “millennia of history”, and we can feel a mixture between an eastern style and a western lifestyle. It is an interesting place to observe how Chinese Culture affects mixed couple’s pregnancy experience, how they combine Western and Chinese way. After a first part dedicated to the context where I introduce the subject with statistics and definitions, we will go through the Chinese customs about pregnancy according to the medical and traditional aspect - before and after the birth – and we will try making links and to draw a parallel between the Chinese and the Western way. Then, we will see what is the impact or issues of these differences of culture on the experience of pregnancy through different interviews and testimony. Finally, we will conclude and open on other questions like: How do parents conciliate their two cultures for their baby and how these differences create the child’s cultural identity.

I. CONTEXT 1/ Statistics

23.5 MILLION INHABITANTS

208 300 FOREIGN RESIDENTS

3 / 100 MIXED MARRIAGES

+30% EACH YEARS 14

Shanghai is the most populated city in China and one of the largest megalopolis in the world with over 23.5 million inhabitants. According to the Municipal Office of statistics, Shanghai possesses the most important population of foreign citizens of all the cities and provinces of China, with about 208 300 foreign residents, including people originally of Hong Kong, Macao and Taiwan. One quarter of China’s foreigner live in Shanghai[1], and they represent almost 1% of the city resident’s total. This city attracts lots of people all around the world for many reasons: the economy, the urbanisztion, the job opportunity, study, nightlife, or other[2]. According to this globalization, driven by the country’s rapid economic growth, there are more and more foreigners in the city year after year. That makes Shanghai the most cosmopolitan city of all the cities and provinces of China. That is why mixed marriages are also more usual. Moreover, foreigners who are traveling or working in China are mostly at the typical age to marry.

A chinese expatriation survey lead in 2008 says that, 65,2% of the 2971 interviewed persons were between the ages of 25 to 39 years old. In Shanghai, for exemple, the average age of marriage is approximately 32 years old for men and 30 years old for women[3]. From another survey[4], among each hundred locally registered couples in today’s Shanghai there are an average of 3 cases involving foreigners, a rate higher than any other Chinese provinces or cities. Statistics showed that from 1996 to 2002, the city saw more than 21 000 foreigner-involved marriage registrations, so 3 500 couples per year, a figure more than eight times higher over 1980. «Each working day we deliver marriage certificates to an average of 13 mixed couples», said an official in charge of marriage registration of the Office. The survey also shows that Shangainese are married with people from more than 40 countries and regions. Futhermore, from relatively new statistics of the Civil Affairs Offices of Shanghai, 2 960 mixed marriages were registered in 2006, it’s 30% more than the previous year.

1. According to the sixth national census maked in november 2010. 2. More than 50% of the overseas resident are in Shanghai for work or business, while about 20% come for their studies. 3. January 2010 number provides by the Office of Civil Affairs of Shanghai. 4. Survey conducted by the Shanghai Civil Affairs Office and the prestigious East China Normal University

2/ Definitions a. What is meant by «mixed» couple Expressions have not only a real impact on everyday life, but also help to build a perpetuate social and personal realities. Far from being simply descriptive, expressions are also «performative». They constitute themselves what they indicate, it means they produce the action it describes. For exemple, the simple act of saying «I promise» is a promise, it the same for the term «mixed couple». So what is behind the term «mixed couple»? What image does it bring to us? Expressions composed with the adjective «mixed» have existed since the Middle Ages. We can notice that the word «mixed» is contained in many fields of social life: family, personal identity, education or politics. But its use has conveyed concepts that affect social relationships in a way that is not always positive. The word «mixed» has a tumultuous past. It was used to stigmatize (officially) banned couples like: Christians and Jews during the Nazi period or whites and blacks in apartheid regimes. In front such a past, we can wonder if it is a good thing to perpetrate the use of this expression, which is a awful term and not really clear. The first time I heard the term «mixed couple» I thought that it meant heterosexual couple, because to me «mixed» means «consisting of people of both sexes»

5. I will explain what transculturality is in the next page p.19

like a mixed-gender school. That is why I have chosen not to use the term «mixed couple» for the title of my thesis which does not necessarily bring a positive image of the couple. I opted for the «transcultural[5] parents» term instead of «mixed couple» which is more comprehensible and relevant to my topic. In Chinese language they do not have a specific word to say «mixed couple». They say it : 来自不同国家的夫妻 (Láizì bùtóng guójiâ de fûqî) which means «couple who are from different countries». They can also say it differently according to the nationality, like a French/Chinese couple, which is 中法夫妇 (Zhông fa fûfù). But it does not work for all the nationalities, just for famous one. However, they have a specific word to call the child of transcultural parents : 混血儿 (Hùnxiě’er) Even if, for western people it could sound as a negative term, because we can think they do a differentiation between a child and a mixed blood child, it is not the case at all. According to my chinese friend Linping it is a neutral word as 老外(Laowài) = foreigner, it depends on the person who says it, the context etc... It is the same thing in each language and country.

b. What transculturality is Now it is important to define what the transculturality is:

Multiculturality

«The concept of transculturality suggest a new conceptualization of the culture differing from classical monocultures and the more recent conceptions of interculturality and multiculturality. The transculturality seeks conversely to articulate today’s cultural constitution, one characterized by intertwinement, and to elicit the requisite conceptional and normative consequences» according to the anthropologist Wolfganf Welch[6]

a juxtaposition of clearly delineated cultures. While it is currently assumed that we are going global and are, by doing this, uniformizing more and more, the concept of transculturality calls the line of thinking into question. The tendency towards transculturality does not mean that our cultural formation is becoming the same all over the world. On the contrary, processes of globalization and becoming transcultural imply a great variety of differentiation. Therefore, the process we are witnessing is simultaneously a process of unification and differentiation.

Transculturality characterizes our world today, in which the media such as the Internet or television contribute to promote contacts and mixtures between cultures. This results a greater cultural diversity within a same «nation». Furthermore, transculturality is found at the individual microlevel. Transculturality aims for cultures with the ability to link and undergo transition whilst avoiding the threat of homogenization. Cultural diversity arises in a new mode as a transcultural blend rather than

Damien Ehrhardt speaks only of a «cross-cultural identity,» when a person identifies himself with social groups of the same level and when he can no longer distinguish his own culture from the one of the other[7]. This notion of transnational identity joines the definition of «cultural syncretism» of Hans-Jürgen Lüsebrink that applies to the mixture of its own culture with another, implying at the same time that it is no longer possible to clearly separate which are matters of the identity and alterity «the character of what is the unfamiliar»[8].

6. Wolfgang Welch, «Transculturality - Puzzling from of cultures today» published in october 29,20002. 7. Damien Ehrhardt, «Think of (trans)cultural identity» Valentin Koerner Edition, 2010, p. 217-218. 8. Hans-Jürgen Lüsebrink, Interkulturelle Kommunikation, Stuttgart et Weimar, J.B. Metzler, 2005, p. 99

Interculturality

Transculturality

c. Anthropologically In an anthropological perspective, mixed marriage refer to exogamy, which is a matrimonial rule imposing to look outside their social group to find a spouse. It means a transgression of endogamous marriage standards. So an union is defined as «mixed» when it transgresses a collective standard, a symbolic border like: a difference of language, religion, nationality, or cultural point of reference etc. In an article published in 2008, Beate Collet and Emmanuelle Santelli incite us to perceive the mixity as being at the same time cultural and social. Beate Collet develop this idea in an more recent article: «Objective or Cultural differences alone are not sufficient to define mixedness. Cultural, ethnic and racial differences only become signifiant when they are based on historical and socially constructed differentiations. Our reflection on mixedness must combine perceived differences with the existing social order and norms»[9]. Mixity established a challenge of inherited attributions, that is what Catherine Therrien has described in her work like an removal of

the «home» of the childhood. Living and starting a family with a person from another background confirms the ability to relate to transcultural parts of our identities and habits or traditions that we share, no matter what are our cultural engagements. Mixed couples tend to be more aware of their cultures compared to more «classical» or «traditional» couples that never crossed lines. Otherwise, the term «mixed» has a changeable characteristic. Mixed marriage is not an objective fact, because it takes a different signification according to the time, the location or the context in which it is placed. The border between these criteria being arbitrary, the couple will be «mixed» according to the place where we will establish the border. So these criteria change, as they depend on the politic or social situation of a country at one time. The arbitrary character of the mixed marriage is also hold in the fact that its delimitation depends of the observator and the actors point of view. So it is not the difference that determines the mixity, but the suitability that the observers and the actors give to it in a specific context[10].

9. Beate Collet, Mixed couples in France. Statistical facts, definitions, and social reality, 2012. 10. C. Therrien and J. Le Gal, New perspectives on conjugal mixity: the subject and the actor in the center of the anaysis, «Internatinal Magazine: Childhood, Family, Generation» n°17, 2012 p.3-4

Officially, a «mixed» couple is composed of one person originating of the country and another person with foreign origin. The statistical definition of the INSEE has recently extended to couples formed by a person originating of the country and an immigrant, even if this person has acquired the citizenship of the country in question[11]. Although certain arbitrary criteria are posed by researchers in order to define and qualify a couple as «mixed», this does not mean that the chosen couples feel their union as mixed. For exemple could we say that a Chinese/Hong Kong couple is a «mixed» couple ? From my point of view, they are not, because they share the same culture background without any language barriers. The difference made today is artificial, and it is mostly due to a political system and issues than to the culture. In this thesis we will consider a couple as a «mixed» couple if there is an union (cohabitation or marriage) between two people with different origins , and with different cultures. By different cultures I mean, between two persons who does not share the same beliefs, traditions or native language,

with different background which lead them to behave, think, or express themselve differently. I know a Chinese/Vietnamese couple, although their cultures are similar on some points, there are still differences. For example, the importance of the family: in Vietnam the parents are more present and raises their children, while in China, the grandparents take care of the kids. These little differences lead the people to have a different vision and thinking of the family and about how to raise a child, which causes problems of comprehension if they do not analyze and talk about that. Now we will talk about the process to have a child in China. We will go through the medical aspect and the Chinese cultural heritage around the important event, which is to be pregnant. To exchange with mixed couples, and learn more about their daily life and their experience of pregnancy, I created an online questionnaire that I posted on several forums[13], but it has mostly worked thanks to word of mouth. I also learned a lot thanks to the diverse testimonies and blogs found on the Internet.

11. Gabrielle Varro, “Mixed couples” across time: towards an epistemology of diversity, p.6-8 13. Forum bonjourchine.com / shanghaïexpat.com / Facebook Expats in Shanghai, Shanghaï expats, Shanghai French people.

II. THE PROCESS 1/ Medical aspect a. Medical follow-up Aftercare in China is really different than in France for example, it is another approach. In France, the pregnancyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s monitoring recommended by the HAS (the High Authority for Health in France) is composed of seven prenatal consultation: one of the ninth month, eight training lessons for birth and parenthood, and additional examination including blood tests and three obstetric ultrasounds. All these allows to identify risk situations that could potentially complicate the pregnancy. This treatment process is very regular. Furthermore, we are used to have one doctor who will do all the tests himself, and we will feel like he knows us better, as he takes time for us. In China, the medical follow up changes depending on the kind of hospital you have chosen. You have 3 choices, with different prices: Public Hospital follow 2000 RMB normal way 5000 RMB cesarian section 6000 RMB

Public Hospital VIP section follow 6000 RMB normal way 15 000 RMB cesarian section 25 000 RMB International Hospital follow 15 000 RMB normal way 60 000 RMB cesarian section 86 000 RMB In Public Hospital, a regular monitoring is based on clinical examination of the TCM. It includes a meticulous medical questioning, a pulse palpation, an observation of the womanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s complexion and tongue, and then an auscultation. This allows detecting potential imbalances in the body at the root of the pathology. After, a specialized nurse takes the blood pressure, the temperature, the weight, and the uterine height. None additional examinations are prescribed. They do not go through, for the most part, gynecological examination. Indeed, Chinese people have a relation to the body that is very different from ours,

Western people (at least French), they are more modest. In everyday life they have relatively few physical contact. For example, they do not kiss one another like people usually do in France greet each other, even if the person you are saying hello to is unknown. The Hospital is well organized, a lot of people are involved and are affiliated to a room or to a specific task. For many people it could be comparable to an assembly line. Moreover, the staff is overwhelmed and overburdened with work, maybe they are not enough to take care of all the patients and to give advices «Breastfeeding in the beginning was difficult and I had few help because after having spent three days at the clinic, there were not any midwife available to help me and give me advices.» The midwife who followed Myriam[14] in the Shanghai United Family Hospital (which is an International Hospital) explained to her how they proceed - in general - in the rest of the country for the less wealthy patient: «Women are approximately fifteen in the same room, there is not enough personal, not enough hospital beds, and not enough time to wait that

birth pangs of each one do their job, It’s cesarian section in assembly-line. And husbands are all waiting in a room for someone to tell them that they are finally father and the sex of their baby». Which explains Joren’s[15] feeling: «My wife gave birth in a public hospital, and the situation is not so nice, doing a c-section will spare you the «slaughterhouse» that is the delivery room». This kind of dehumanized way to proceed could be a bit disturbing sometimes, but Chinese Public Hospital is not all negative as a French man explained to me that «After the delivery, our child stayed one week at the premature babies service. Again, this is really different from France where parents can come to see and take care of their newborn. In China we just had one hour and a half per day to call or meet the staff. I found them very professional, they have the desire to do well and answered all our questions. I believe that the seriousness of their work is equivalent to the French one.» This said, in Shanghai, it is also possible to have a natural birth and a Western follow-up in the VIP section of a Public Hospital or in the International Hospital,

14. French woman living her pregnancy in Shanghai, http://blog.imandarin.fr Pregnant in China, 4 November 2012 15. Joren, Dutch man married with a Chinese woman. Father of a just got born baby of 8 days old. 19/09/14

but it is more expensive. A French woman confided in me that she has preferred her childbirth in the VIP section of a Public Hospital in China than the one she gave in France «The envirionment is way less medically assisted than in France, and the obstetrician is much more listening to me». As Guifang[16] told me she has lived her pregnancy in France with her husband Maxime, but that she went back to China for the childbirth part because she had much more confidence in Chinese Hospitals «If you are ready to pay good money, you can have a luxurious VIP room where you can take advantage of the intimacy of the space, with an extra bed if people come to visit you, and with a higher quality patient care than ever in France.» There are various ways to proceed for birth delivery and pregnancy aftercare in China. It depends on the hospital you choose. I think there are a lack of information, or lack of accessibility to the information. Researches should be done in advance to be well informed and visit the various structures to avoid bad surprises. If you have just arrived and do not know Shanghai yet, which maternity

would you choose? Which doctor? As a French woman testifies «I didn’t really know where to go, so I went into the most famous private hospital. It was such a disappointment! A factory hospital, where moms come and go every fifteen minutes, where the cases without really problems are treated like ordinary consultations. By the way, the staff wasn’t available and was very stressed» Apart from that, the languages spoken in the Hospital are also an important things to research on before making the choice of the maternity. If the pregnant woman does not speak Chinese, it can be really hard for her to discuss and have answers from specialists to her questions or doubts, as Viginie[17] explains: «My doctor didn’t speak French very well so he gave me bad answers or didn’t answer at all, instead of answering me in English». She related because of complications, she was forced to give birth in the emergency caesarian section: «Throughout all the process, I have seen doctors who didn’t speak a word of English and so nobody has ever explained me what was happening». In a certain way, she appreciated that she did not fully understand everything, because this allowed her to not worry at this point.

16. Guifang, a Chinese mother of three years old twins, married with a French man Marie-Maxime. 03/10/14 17. Testimony of four women who give birth in Shanghai http://www.lepetitjournal.com/shanghai Aurélie Avelet, Maternity - have a baby in Shanghai, 10 June 2014

b. Child’s gender In China, ultrasound scans are prohibited after the fourth month of pregnancy to avoid prenatal selection. The fact is that boy preference[18] is always of topicality nowadays in China. With the one-child policy, the birth of a girl is became undesirable. Thus, to keep a chance of giving birth to a son, various illegal practices are carried out: girls’ infanticide, selective abortions or abandonment of female newborns. That is why today in China, it is strictly forbidden to know the sex of the future baby. Nevertheless, it’s still possible to know it by others ways, as explained Myriam[19] «In the ultrasound room there is a poster which conveys that it’s prohibited to reveal the sex of the baby at risk of losing your job. As I am a foreigner, the law is even the same for us, but I have asked anyway, the doctor said nothing, she just showed me without purpose and waited I guess. I have said «it’s a boy!». She acquiesced and continued as if nothing had happened. She did not say anything, so she is not outside the law ...» There are also several beliefs and things to do to help the couple to have male descendants, like the «Chinese pregnancy calendar», which is

supposed to predict the gender of the unborn child. This calendar is a grid, based on mathematical calculation. To the number 49, we add the numeral of the procreation’s month of the lunar calendar. To this result, we substract the mother’s age, then we add 19. If the final result is an odd number, the child will be a boy, otherwise, if the number is even, the child will be a girl. This calendar is also well known and used in western countries. Some future mothers are a little bit hysterical, excited and curious at the idea of knowing the sex of their child, so many of them try all kinds of techniques. Besides, there are also lots of beliefs to guess if people are going to have a boy or a girl in the Western Culture. For instance, some people use to say that if a future mother eats salty food during her pregnancy, she is going to give birth to a boy, whereas if she eats sweet food, she is going to have a girl. There is also another common belief consisting of paying attention to the shape of the future mother’s womb: if it is sharp on the top, then the baby is going to be a boy; whereas if it is rounded on the bottom, it means that the baby will be a girl.

18. I will talk about it later in the «conception of the family part» of the thesis p. 50 19. French woman living her pregnancy in Shanghai, http://blog.imandarin.fr Pregnant in China, 4 November 2012

c. C-section in China In China C-section is widely practiced. Around 50% of the births are programmed by cesarean section, while it is recommended by The World Health Organization recommends not to exceed 15%. As Myriam[20] explained, the idea of giving birth by C-section is just lambda, and standard in China: «When I said that I would like to give birth naturally if it is possible , the reactions were always the same: «Western women are so strong !» Unfortunately, my Chinese was not good enough to explain that a cesariean has many more consequences and side effects. But our visions of all this are culturally different.» We can wonder why C-section is so common and chosen even without any medical indications. Firstly, it appears that women deliver their child more and more at the hospital than they did a few decades ago. The proportion of hospital births increased from 54% in 1993 to 82% in 2002, and today home births are rare. Secondly, another reason is less obvious: the link to the health system functioning. Even if, due to the one child policy, the fertility rate of China is the lowest in the world,

around 1.6 (0.7 for Shanghai), because of the huge population of the country, the total number of childbirth to manage each year remains high. But the system cannot keep pace. Otherwise, Chinese women did not choose cesarean but they are pushed to deliver their baby in that way because of the lack of personnel and time - as explained above. In fact, Hospitals used to push the cesarean because it is economically more interesting and takes less time.

Then we can notice the demand of the parents, who would like to chose the date of birth according to the Chinese astrology to favor one sign or another, or according to the educational calendar. In addition, they are afraid of the consequences of a natural delivery on their body, and they worry about the pain «During the cesarean section we sleep, we do not feel anything, we wake up and it’s over». Nevertheless, it appears that mentalites are changing, it seems that natural childbirth is more and more chosen when there is not any contraindication. For example, David[21] told me that his Chinese wife desired a natural childbirth in water, and another story about one of his Chinese couple friends: «at the beginning of the pregnancy, the husband told me «she will get a cesarean, she is too weak»». It is means that the family plays also an important role concerning the choice of delivery, it does not only belong to the woman.

Thirdly, the psychological and social effect are directly linked to the one child policy. The family (and in-law family) pressure is important, this unique childbirth has to be perfect. The C-section, in that context, became the modern standard of child delivery: it is perceived as more efficient, less painful for women and also less dangerous. This statement is completely wrong. It is not a common or an insignificant act. It is a real surgical procedure whose the main sequel is a scar on the uterus’s wall, which can be a real weakness later if another pregnancy occurs. But Chinese mothers knowing that they will have just one child, do not have any regrets choosing the cesarean way of delivering birth.

20. French woman living her pregnancy in Shanghai, http://blog.imandarin.fr Pregnant in China, 4 November 2012

21. David, French man married with a Chinese woman and father of two girls - 6 and 3 years old - 12/11/14

2/ Cultural aspect As cultural anthropologist Paul Hiebert[22] emphasized, «Culture is learned rather than instinctive— something caught from, as well as taught by, the surrounding environment and passed on from one generation to the next» When we think about the word culture, we think about how to dress, eat, speak, act and think like those around us. Culture is the way to know the world, individually and collectively[23]. In fact, it is a system of shared concepts, beliefs, and values. It is the base where we can interpret and make sense to the world around us. It is the base that make us what we are, how we think, and what we pass down to our children. Moreover, childbirth is a window into shifting cultural and political landscape of a particular place and time. We can learn a lot about one culture by examining how are treated woman and children. In imperial China, securing the continuation of the family line was the utmost important things to do. In the preface to her anthropological study of modernization and traditional childbirth customs in rural China in the 1990s, Li Xiaojiang compares childbirth to «the wrap on which the fabric of society was woven»

a. During pregnancy Childbirth is certainly routine on a global level, but it affects individuals and families. As said before, in China – but also everywhere else - being pregnant is an important and wellprepared moment in the life of the mother-to-be. Formerly, pregnancy and childbirth were a mysterious and important event, so, to keep evil spirits away there were many traditions and beliefs to follow, even more pronounced than in others cultures. Chinese people are very careful during pregnancy, to ensure that everything goes perfectly, the pregnancy and the delivery have to be done without any stumble. It is such a big responsibility for all future mothers. The pressure and the stress increase as the pregnancy progresses. As it is often the case elsewhere in the world, Chinese mothers-tobe often learned these rules from their own mothers. If some of the Chinese traditions are quite similar than some of ours, the future Chinese mother will be really more judged by her family circle if she does not apply it. Because it is part of their Chinese cultural heritage and background every Chinese people – even the society - want to take care of the future mother: the family, friends, co-workers, even strangers on the street insist to give advices according to their own experiences or grandmother saying.

22. Culture’s definition mentionned by Paul G. Hiebert, 1985, Anthropological Insights for missionaries,. 23. Yonca Oktay, «Third culture kids, growing up among worlds» regional Conference, held in Madrid, 2012

Of course, all these tips have the best of intentions. But within a mixed couple, it is not always easy for the rootless spouse to get used to the new country, new habits, and to be or feel accepted. If in other countries, as in France, many people with different skin colors or origins coexist, on the contrary China is still a country mostly populated by Asian type people – even in Shanghai the most cosmopolitan city of China. That is why a mixed couple cannot go unnoticed in the street, especially if the woman is pregnant. The rounded belly attracts the attention of all the people around. So what does women have to do or cannot do in the traditional approach of pregnancy ? Firstly, in way of living terms, Chinese tradition says that the future mother has to avoid all stress and change in her life, like no house moving or furniture moving. They have to protect herselves against all harmful element (glue, adhesive, seam, scissors), it is forbidden to sew, to nail or use a cutting tool. Symbolically, it could cut the umbilical cord. To avoid bad evil spirits that could harm the child, they cannot visit temples, carry baby of others mother, go out at night, or even assist to funerals and weddings. It is also common to wear anti-radiation apron to protect the baby of cellphones or computers, and to forget about sex during pregnancy. As Ruth[24] told me, when she went to see the doctor at the beginning of her pregnancy, he told her that

«There are three things you need to avoid: Lifting heavy things, falling down and sharing the same room.» «I’m sorry ?» she said. He answered: «You can’t sleep with your husband. You might have different ideas about this in Western countries, but we are quite strict about it here in China». They have to create a favourable environment for the good development of the fetus, but she must also show an irreproachable behavior, because her thought will be transmitted to the baby. It means, reading lots of poems and literature to intellectually stimulate the baby, not to see scary things, or put cosmetics on her skin. You can forget nail varnish and make up! The inhalation of cosmetic products is toxic for the baby, everything the mother breathes arrives in his bloodstream and can also reach her baby. This can be potentially responsible of malformation or the infertility of the future child. As Myriam[25] shared with me an interesting anecdote that happened to her when she was pregnant: She used to go to a nail salon close to her apartment. But, from the moment a little round belly began to appear, the girl who used to do her manicure has refused to put her nail varnish «A pregnant woman should not put it, it is very bad for the baby !» she affirmed, and she has even called his colleagues to support his arguments. And before Myriam went back home, seeing her a little skeptical, the manicurist even told her to not put any varnish on her nails at home. To me, this story is quite impressive,

24. Ruth, Austrian mother of a three months little baby, married with a chinese man. 03/10/14 25. French woman living her pregnancy in Shanghai, http://blog.imandarin.fr Pregnant in China, 4 November 2012

because instead of making money, the storekeeper sent a client back home. She cared more about the woman’s health than about making profit for herself. This demonstrates that Chinese people do not want to disturb the couple by giving advices like empty words, they really care, they want to help and to be friendly. But due to the cultural difference, there are misunderstandings, and they seem to be too much intrusive according to Western criteria. The next time, Myriam explained to me that she has found kind of compromise with the manicurist: at least varnishing her toenails. Feet being further away from the belly the woman finally agreed, hoping that it would not affect the baby.

AVOID STRESS NO MOVING NO FUNERAL NO WEDDING

AVOID COLD FOOD AVOID TOO HOT FOOD

READ DON’T GO OUT AT NIGHT NOT SEE SCARY THINGS NO COSMETICS

NO HARMFUL ELEMENT NO TEMPLE VISIT NO CARRY BABY ANTI-RADIATION APRON NO SEXE

Secondly in nutrition terms, Chinese mothers to be have to eat healthy food ! The woman should eat right and satisfy her food desires dictated by the fetus. It is said that to have an easier delivery, women should satisfy all her wishes. However, certain kinds of food are forbidden whereas other are recommended. In the Asian Culture, having a white skin is a sign of beauty and purity, so it is recommended to not to drink black tea in the first months of pregnancy, because it would tint the baby’s skin color. According to that, white food, such as tofu or milk are preferred. As said by TCM, nutrition has to respect a balance of positive (yang) and negative (yin). The imbalance between these two would cause health problems. Each quarter or months, some food is recommended and others has to be avoided. Food is usually classified as «hot» or «cold» according to the perceived effects on the body. So, during their pregnancy, women have to avoid what is considered as «too cold» (like crab, shrimp, banana, kiwi, watermelon...) or as «too hot» (like spices, lamb, mutton)[26]. Rush[27] has also shared with me about food advices that she has been given during her pregnancy. One day she went to the fruit shop and chose a melon, has put it on the counter and looked around her to see if there were any other fruits she would want to eat.

She saw Chinese hawthorn fruits and put them on the counter as well. The cashier took the melon, weighed it and registered the price, but then stopped and said «Pregnant women can’t eat Chinese hawthorn.» Rush said: «Really? I’ve already eaten hawthorn fruits quite a few times during my pregnancy» Him: «Yes, really, it is not indicated for pregnant women. That’s what we say here in the south.» Seeing that he would not sell hawthorn fruits to her even if she insisted, she only bought the melon. Then she went back home, and did online searches. She found articles saying that pregnant women should be careful with eating Chinese hawthorn (especially eating lots of them) during the first trimester, when the possibility of emphasizes a miscarriage is the highest. This second story emphasizes the fact that Chinese people really care about the safety of pregnant women and their baby. They want to help and to do their best, people’s goal is not to annoy expat women who do not know at all these customs.

Indeed, when people that you don’t know come to see you and tell you that what you are doing is wrong, it is never really pleasant. But they just have to be aware that the intention is good and that they should not feel attacked. It’s just a problem of cultural misunderstanding: in France, do not take the liberty of correcting parents about what they do with their child, find it incongruous and inappropriate; while in China it’s just friendly.

However, according to information that I collected through interviews and testimonies, I can say that for transcultural couples, being always the center of the attention came to be tiring and using: «In China I fear the moment I will go out with my baby. I am always annoyed by Chinese people’s advices. It makes me feel stressed and furious !» a young father told me.

26. Multicultural Clinical Support Resource, Cultural dimension of pregnancy, birth and post-natal care, p31-33 27. Ruth, Austrian mother of a three months little baby, married with a chinese man. 03/10/14

b. After the birth The postpartum confinement «Zuo yuè zi» 坐月子[28] is the most famous and important Chinese tradition for women who just have given birth. «Zuo yuezi», means «accomplish the month». The basic idea is to get some rest, to eat nourishing food and not to see too many people. Chinese belief says that there are three times in women’s life when her health is fragile and needs special care: when she first begins to menstruate, after the birth of a child, and when she is old. According to the «Zuo yuezi», for 30 days after her baby was born, the new mum can not get out of her house or receive visitors, and one of the most important thing is not to wash herself. She bathes only with a sponge dipped in ginger water and does not wash her hair. This is to prevent the body from getting cold. A woman’s body goes through a lot of changes during and after childbirth. She loses a lot of blood, and her whole body is more susceptible to cold. In fact, the most principles of zuo yuezi are aimed at warming the body. The woman should avoid cold drinks, cold foods and «cooling» fruits and vegetables (watermelon, cucumber, nashi pears etc). Instead her diet includes warming foods such as soups with ginger, rice wine, Chinese herbs and ingredients such as Chinese red dates and goji berries. Soups are very nutritious and easy to digest, so that makes sense for recovering after childbirth.

Confinement is all about rejuvenation, rehabilitation and recovery. Many of the «Zuo yuè zi» traditions are passed from mother-in-law to daughter-in-law. Cold is considered redoubtable for the health. That is why after birth, the woman is covered from head to feet, she will wear hat and socks, even in summer. She has to stay lying on her back to strengthen her spine which was really used during the pregnancy. She will stand up just to go to the toilet. She should not leave her home to avoid getting sick. Read and watch TV will also be banned to not bother their eyes, and any other activities will be suspended too. Generally, her family support is composed of her husband and her mother (or mother-inlaw). Everyone will take care of the new mother, she will «make her month» while her family circle will take care of the newborn, of the domestic tasks, and of her nutrition. As Serina[29] explained, the most difficult thing during this period was to not drink water at all. No H2O, or at least ordinary water, for at least thirty days. Because to her it was the most unusual strictures, as we are used to drink water every day and in quantity. The requirement to only drink liquids that have been cooked would have made hygienic sense, since today in China and in many other places in Asia, people don’t drink tap water. From her experience, refraining from taking

28. Serina’s blog, Australian woman married with a Taiwanese man, http://taiwanxifu.com, «Zuo yue zi» section.

a bath was not as hard to deal with as she thought at the beginning. Her German spray-in dry hair wash has kept her hair reasonably well-groomed, and she actually enjoyed her daily ginger sponge bath. Originally, she dreamed of taking a bath in a luxurious spa. But there is also a zuo yuezi practice for ending the no washing rule as well. At the end of her full month rest it’s the time for the mother to finally take a bath. The D-day, her nanny has made an chicken soup where she was the «chicken», as she told me. «I was immersed into a hot ginger and rice wine infused bath to soak for over an hour». The goal of the hour-long soak is to get hot. In fact, she found it so hot that she almost thought she would pass out «It was not just the heat of the water alone; the combined effects of hot water plus pungent ginger and rice wine was incredibly «heaty». The first ten minutes were bliss, but after that it was hard going. I was able to half sit out of the bath to get time off». But after nearly an hour Mrs Yang (her nanny) has declared that she was «red enough» so she went back into the tub to soak for another ten minutes until she was fully «cooked». After bathing, she was not allowed to get dressed until she stopped sweating «I was amazed at the amount of water out of my body». After over half an hour, she finally got dressed and enjoyed several big gulps of water to recover. «I felt almost back to normal now that I have had a bath».

29. Serina, Australian woman married with a Taiwanese man who have experimented the «Zuo yue zi» after her second childbirth.

Today, in modern China, there are specialist luxury confinement centers, where the new mother rests and the baby is placed at the nursery. It is interesting to note that parallel and paradoxe between the modern infrastructures which responds to TCM. The growth in centers has increased along with higher disposable incomes. Couples are having fewer children — and later — and can afford to splurge to ensure a woman recovers. Plus many independently minded women, especially those with careers they want to bounce back to quickly, prefer being pampered in a hotel like environment than being stuck home under the watchful eye of mother-in-law. Many women and couples focus on having an intensive recovery process before handing baby over to mother-in-law or a nanny before returning to work. But it is really expensive, the average cost per day of most confinement centers is between 1000RMB to 1300RMB per day. But many are now priced 2000RMB and over. In order to be competitive, confinement centers fall over themselves in promoting luxury five-star service with up to six gourmet meals a day prepared by top chefs. To secure a place, you need to book at least six months in advance. But despite the high cost, confinement centers remain a popular choice for new mothers, anxious for help and reassurance about how to care for their newborn babies.

Otherwise, if the couple can not afford to pay a luxury center, and if the mother-in-law is too far to come and to take care of her daughterin-law, some families will hire a nanny during this time to take care of the newborn, and the mother’s meals. Meals are split into four or five during the day, to avoid that the woman feels hungry. Serina[30] who hired a nanny during this period, said: «I am convinced it helps. I did not do it with my first child, and I was exhausted, emotionally fragile, and on medication for months to increase my milk supply. But after Zuo yue zi, I felt energetic and positive. I have reduced 13kg within one month, I looked and felt better than before I was pregnant. I had a freezer full of breast milk and the baby blues I experienced before never appeared ».

worked or studied overseas, so their have different experiences of health care and beliefs. The degree to which this adaptation of practices happens will depend very much on decisionmaking and gender roles within the family. Chinese society is grounded in respect towards elders and this is shown in their acceptance of elders’ decisions and influence. Chinese women of mixed couple may find it difficult to go against beliefs of their elders. The strict ritual of «doing the month» was designed to help a woman during this difficult time. The social, economic, educational and communication developments that have taken place over the last two decades have all played a part in improving the situation for many women.

Although Chinese women follow the ritual of «doing the month», they do adapt some of the practices. Several factors influence this modification. There is considerable Western influence through the media and health professionals which can cause some conflict between more traditional beliefs of older generations and more modern beliefs of new parents. All women delivered in hospitals and so received care from health professionals who are trained in Western style medicine. This care and advice will most likely influence subsequent behaviour. For most of mixed couples interviewed, Chinese partners have

30. Serina, Australian woman married with a Taiwanese man who have experimented the «Zuo yue zi» after her second childbirth. http://taiwanxifu.com

Furthermore, after the birth, the mother is not the only one to be careful about, but also the newborn. A new child born is kept away from society during the first month, like his mother. In China, there are diverse important dates to celebrate like: the three days, the month, and the hundred days. The celebration of the full month old («man yue» 滿月), is more important than the birthday itself. A young mixed-couple’s father told me a story that happened to him «I carried my one month’s baby in my arms, down of my home, when suddenly a neighbor jumped on me and the baby in order to cover his feet. She told me that it is not good, that babies can not got out unless they have a month and took me back home». The month over, the family organizes a party to introduce the child to the community. Everyone comes to offer their congratulations and presents. But these celebrations are going to be forgotten, according to couples I have interviewed, as David[31] told me: “We have not really celebrated the important dates, but we have organised an photo shooting for the 100 days. We also did the ceremony which consists to place various objects symbolizing his future job around the child for his first birthday but it was more for recreational purposes, than for traditional ones”. As we said before, practices are changing, and are adapted for different ways of life and beliefs.

Moreover, at the beginning of my research I have interviewed Shawn, 22 years old, student at Shanghai University in fine art department. For the moment, Shawn is not pregnant and does not have any baby. She is young, and she lives in Shanghai, thanks to that she can give me an overview of what the new generation of urban Chinese women thinks. After having introduced my subject, I asked her if she knew and cared about pregnancy’s Chinese traditions, she answered me «I do not care and I do not believe in that. It’s too old, not scientist. But I respect it. I will listen what my mother or grandmother will say to me, and do it if I can and if it is not too much inconvenient for me. Because I do not want to be against them.» Her answer shows that the notion of respect - which is an essential notion according to Chinese culture - is still important for the young Chinese generation. Respect the beliefs of other people around you, and respect people older than you. She does not believe and does not care about tradition but she is ready to make compromise not to disappoint her parents or her relatives. Then, I asked the same question to my Chinese roommate Cindy[33], who also neither has any kid yet, but she began to think about that since she is married with Tolik, a Belarussian man. She told me quite the same thing as Shawn, she does not believe in those beliefs because it is

31. David, French man married with a Chinese woman and father of two girls - 6 and 3 years old - 12/11/14 32. Cindy, Chinese woman married with a Belarussian man, at her apartment 30/05/14

not scientific, to her it is quite ridiculous «Maybe if I had been married with a Chinese man I would follow some rules to reassure him». So, again, the notion of respect, the new generation thinks of followint the different customs to reassure their entourage and to not disappoint them. But it is maybe also a question of fear, it is preferable to follow – the family or the husband – than to pay a huge price in case it actually works. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Although young women living in urban areas such as Shanghai, increasingly tend to live their pregnancy in the same way as western countries, there still remain few customs that are still followed by Chinese women today. Most of these «rules» have not any scientific proof, and nowadays, most women in Shanghai trust «modern medicine». They «prefer to consult a doctor than to follow their mother’s advice based on traditional Chinese medicine», or they try to «deal with both». Considering Chinese medicine as a way «to give more chances for their baby to be stronger and to succeed.»[33] The Western proceed to care both of the mother and the baby combined with the Chinese traditional approach of carrying provides 100% happiness and safety for the couples. «Some rules are questionable, but it’s better to put up with this hardship for a month and avoid serious health problems in the future.»

33. Cindy, Chinese woman married with a Belarussian man, at her apartment 30/05/14

III. WITHIN THE FAMILY 1/ Conception of the family[34] a. Different perceptions In the context of transcultural couples, the different vision or conception of the family could be an issue. In China, the perfect vision of a traditional family is based on the social and family system enacted by Confucius, it means have five, rich, vigorous and well-read boys. In the Chinese society, the family model (jiātíng 家庭) is patriarchal and patrilineal. The term patriarchal means that the descent was calculated through men. A person was born from both a mother and a father, but we inherited the membership of a family from the father. In China a woman was like removed from the family of her birth (her niángjiā 娘家) and affiliated to her husband’s family (her pójiā 婆家). A man «gets in» the family, whereas a woman «gets out» the family. Indeed, a boy ensures the perpetuation of the family line, the transmission of family and economic heritage and continuity of ancestral worship, while, raising a girl is synonymous of lost investment. Married, she will joined the household of her husband, will serve her in-

laws-family and will be devoted to her in-law-parents during their old age. Instead, a boy will support his parents in their old age, as this popular expression says «Raising a son to prepare his old age». Patriarchal term means that the family is hierarchically organized, with the prime institutionalized authority being vested in the senior-most male, who was considered to be responsible for the orderly management of the family. Two members of a Chinese family can not be equal in authority. Officially, older people were superior to younger ones, and men were superior to women. («Men are high, women low» nán zūn, nu bēi 男尊女卑 said another old proverb.) According to the Confucian structure of society, women at every level were to occupy a position lower than men. Most Confucians accepted the subservience of women to men as natural and proper. Nonetheless, at the same time they accorded women’s honor and power as mother and mother-in-law within their family.

34. TISON B. Soins et cultures : Formation des soignants à l’approche interculturelle. Elsevier Masson; 2007.

Otherwise, Chinese people think more collectively. This is reflected at the family level. Western people give more importance to the close family, in other words the couple and the children. While, Chinese people have a more large, more vertical conception of the family. This is why it not unusual to see in China several generation living in the same house. Therefore, the notion of privacy is not the same in a Chinese family than in a Western one. The differences in the relationship between child and parents are one of the biggest conflicts for mixed couples[35], as Nadine[36] confided to me «The biggest issue during my pregnancy was having my mom and dad living in our house for a few months, it was really difficult since it is not like that in French tradition. But my hubby did it, and I really appreciated that.». Of course, Western as Chinese people love and respect their parents, but they maintain a different relationships with them. The majority of foreigners refuse to live with their parents or their in-law-family, while it is a very common practice for Chinese people, if they are in need or especially when the couple has young children. When I met and interviewed mixed couples, lots of the

Western partner explained me that they maintain friendly relations with their parentsin-law, but they also think that Chinese motherin-laws are quite too much intrusive in their couple «For our first child her family was very present, maybe a bit too much, but that adjusted well for our second child»[37]. Jocelyn[38} shared an interesting anecdote about her mother-in-law: «Five days after my wedding ceremony in China, my Chinese mother-in-law sat down with me to do «the talk». It was about, well…children. «You have to have a child, and earlier is better», she said, flashing me a nervous smile. «But we can not» I pleaded. «I am the primary earner in our family. John still is not in school yet, and we are just trying to survive right now». Apparently, the only survival she had on her mind was of our future children. «People in China will have more than one child. Even if they have to pay the big fine, they will do it». «Now is not the right time. How are we going to raise it ?» «You have the baby, and I will raise it for you until he is three years old.» I groaned inside. Not only was she challenging my reproductive choices, but she also challenged my ideas of how a child should be raised.» Her mother-in-law had the final. «Chinese people must have children — it is part of the culture.»

Chinese culture sees pregnancy and birth as a prerequisite, instead of an elective. It is really important for them to have child, to keep the lineage and the heritage of the family. It is a lot of pressure for the woman (especially for western women within a mixed couple) and the couple in general. b. Birth control policy[39,40] Which could also be an issue for a mixed couple is the one-child policy applied in China. In order to control the demography of the country, and by fear that it rapid growth compromise the economic growth of the country, the government has launched successively several birth control policies. The two attempts of births limitations of 1956-1957 and 1962-1966 having ended in failure, the government has thereafter launched two major political of birth control.

(wan) = night

(xi) = attenuate

The first one in 1971, under the government of Mao Zedong. Since 1973, the slogan «wan xī shao» 晚稀少, extrol litteraly three rules: «late marriage, spacing and few birth». In urban areas, the measures are more pronounced: the age of marriage is fixed to 25 years old for women and 28 years old for

(shao) = less

35. According to a survey conduct by the AFFC (French-Chinese Famillies Association) in 2012 36. Nadine, Chinese woman married with David French man, and mother of two girls - 6 and 3 years old, 15/01/15 37. David, French man married with a Chinese woman and father of two girls - 6 and 3 years old - 12/11/14 38. Jocelyn, American woman married with a Chinese man, «The pressure of having babies in a Chinese family», 20 December 2009

39. Annie San, Rites and cultures of women with chinese origin in perinatality, Paris Descates University, 20 December 2013 p.15-16 40. ATTANE I. En espérant un fils : la masculinisation de la population chinoise. INED; 2010.

(Jì huà) = program

(shēengyu) = birth

(zhèng cè) = policy

men (against 23 and 25 in rural areas); the number of children is limited to two (three in rural areas). In town as in the countryside, births should be spaced at least of three to four years. The fertility rate has sharply fallen from 5.7 children per woman in 1970 to 2.7 in 1978. However, these results are considered insufficient due to generations born in 1960 who are now of childbearing age.

to economic and cultural requirements, the authorities have relaxed their policy. Since 2002, couples have to pay a charge of 5 000 yuans to allow the legal birth of a second child. In the situation of illegal birth, penalties are applied: fines and non-delivery of the «hukou», the Chinese family record book which allows, among other things, the free transport and education.

After that in 1979, the one-child policy 计划生育政策 Jihua shengyu zhengce «family planning policy» is implemented under Deng Xiaoping government. This drastic measure is applied in the city but also in the countryside with a few exceptions: couples whose first child is handicapped, couples who have dangerous jobs (eg: mine workers), or couples who were themselves only children in their family. Respecting this rule allows to enjoy benefits and privileges in terms of housing, employment, medical, and education. In return, if the rule is transgressed, then the benefits are deleted and penalties are given. Further to strong resistance in rural areas, where many descendants are more favorable due

The 15th November 2013, the New China agency has declared that the plenum of the Central Committee has decided to gradually relax its one-child policy, to fight against the aging of the population. While until now, couples were allowed to have a second child only if they lived in the countryside and if their first baby was a girl, or when the both parents were only children, from now couples could have a second child even if just one of the two parents were only-child. The birth policy will be adjusted and gradually improved to promote «the well balanced growth in long-term of China’s population», said the agency which talk of a «major reform».

David[41] explains to me that the one child policy is applied when you register a second child in the hukou. Besides, a mixed couple are given the opportunity to give the Chinese nationality to one of their children, and the foreign nationality to the others (so do not register the seconde child on the hukou). «In fact the law has changed in 2011, the year of birth of our second daughter, it stipulates that if two only children get married they can have a second child. The Civil state of Henan’s province, which my wife depends on, does not take me into account because I am a foreigner! She is only child, so she has the right to register a second child in the hukou without any charge. It is not a problem if we want to have a third child, we will officially give him the french nationality and revoke the Chinese one at the beginning.» Thus, the one-child policy is also potentially applicable to mixed couples, however depends on the province of the Chinese partner, and on the political will.

40. David, French man married with a Chinese woman and father of two girls - 6 and 3 years old - 12/11/14

2/ Relationships a. Relation with their in-laws It is usual to be given advices from the in-law. It is normal because they care about their daughter-in-law and their future grandchild. Given that they are older and they have already raised children before, they think they are always and absolutely right, and so it is not possible to have a real discussion or to explain your choices. I think it is also because of the Confucius system, it is quite normal for the elderly to «tell how it should be». As a young mother told me, the first time her little baby had fever, her Chinese father-in-law wrapped the baby in two or three blankets. She explained him that in case of fever it is necessary, on the contrary, to uncover the baby, but he did not want to listen. She had to wait for him to go to make it by herself. Quite the same thing happened to Ruth[41], who told me that every time she was squatting on the floor, her mother-in-law used to tell her «Get up! Get up! Get up! Get up! Get up!» until she did. Ruth always replied that the baby would not fall out if she did squat and that squatting did not do any harm. But since her mother-in-law did not stop to repeat again and again «get up» she finally got up. This is strange because most public restrooms in China only have squat toilets. Otherwise, each family is different, it is not

possible to generalize. Chinese in-laws like to give advices, and think they have to, because of their background, as Ruth explains «They do give a lot of advices, but they don’t force me to do anything. And sometimes we need them, we can’t ignore them». Moreover, they could be very open-minded and «accept that we want to do it the «international» way»[42].

Getting advices is not always annoying or negatively felt by the couples: «I like the fact that people do help out more. Our in-laws came to Shenzhen to help us with cooking, because being pregnant and working or even if you don’t work - is really exhausting and that way I was able to eat freshly prepared, healthy food.» [41]

Moreover, according to my diverse interviews, transcultural couples all said that their in-laws (same thing if they are Chinese or Western) are very welcoming. There is a lot of respect from both sides. «Of course it was more difficult at the beginning, especially before we got married. After that and after we had our children it was much more easy»[43] Besides, they all agreed to say that it is much more easy if they can speak the same language as their in-laws.

41. Ruth, Austrian mother of a three months little baby, married with a chinese man. 03/10/14 42. Joren, Dutch man married with a Chinese woman. Father of a just got born baby of 8 days old. 19/09/14 43. David, French man married with a Chinese woman and father of two girls - 6 and 3 years old - 12/11/14

As Joren explained me, he speaks nearly fluent Chinese, thanks to that he can communicate with the family of his wife quite well, so the first time he met the parents of his wife, he said: «Listen, I am a foreigner, so I will probably do 1000 things wrong, and I know that in China it is important, but I do not want to do it wrong, it is just that I don’t know» He was honest. After that he just showed them that he cared and that he wanted to do the best he could, and so, thanks to his truthfulness, any small mistakes he made was forgiven. Now, their relationship is good, even if his father-in-law is a bit more formal, his mother connects with him. «Even the grandparents and extended family respect me a lot, and I return that by respecting them a lot. We have differences in our attitudes sometimes, but we are usually aware of it and acknowledge it, so it usually works out fine. I feel accepted. I will always be a bit of an outsider, but as far as I know, her family accepts me. I do not feel there’s a lot of pressure there, because they are very open-minded and forgiving» It is a matter of communication, if they want that the relationship with their in-laws goes well they have to find a way to open communication and understanding. It means that if you decide to become involved transculturally many obstacles disappear and you become strong enough to handle everything.

The difference of culture is real and it is a source of frustration and tension. But they fully accept this difference. Living in China is a choice they made long time ago. David[44] shared with me a nice metaphor to explain his feelings before and after he became transculturally involved. It was the first summer he spent in China, and he was riding a bicycle every day. He was doing it the way he always did before, going fast, taking shortcuts, doing what was convenient for him, like riding on the left side of the street because it would save time. Therefore, he was very often going into collision course, and sometimes, collisions with the other riders happened. «I got frustrated at first, because I though that by making eye contact with the other rider, I was clearly showing my intention to cross left or right. But other riders coming from the other way would always get confused, panicked, and eventually were always coming my way, ending in a near or actual collisions.»

«I realized that there was one and half billion people around me who were behaving in a certain way, and there was not a single chance I could change the way they were doing things. Therefore, I only had two options: adapt myself or leave. Nobody had pushed me to come to China, it was my choice, therefore I had to adapt and change my ways and my behaviour. Stress an frustration disappeared instantly after that.»

He realized then, he was the source of his own problem and frustration, because he was not going with the flow of the traffic, and was displaying a behaviour that other people were not used to, even though he though he was doing everything to avoid it.

44. David, French man married with a Chinese woman and father of two girls - 6 and 3 years old - 12/11/14

b. Relation with their family During the crucial moment of pregnancy, the future mother needs a psychological support, because she is the one who lives the fact of being pregnant. Even if Shanghai is quite cosmopolite - more international culture oriented - and even if Chinese women can be good friends; I know from interviews that when you are pregnant far away from all you used to know, full of doubts, you sometimes need a good gripe session, or a shoulder to cry on, or at least, someone to share happy news with. And you want to do it in your own language, with people who understand your culture, and who really know you. If women can not share with their friends or abroad family, it could be really helpful for them to make friends here in Shanghai, to discuss and share with other women who live the same experience, but it’s not always easy and hospitals don’t really provide this kind of service. «The biggest disappointment during pregnancy was the prenatal classes. Unlike Britain, where prenatal classes are designed to help new mums build a network of friends who are about to go through the same life-changing experience, my Chinese classes were practical but left no opportunity for chatter. No mummy friends then»

However, they can meet up or share through blogs or association «Far away from my family and in a very different culture, it was difficult to share my feelings, so I have created a group for future moms with whom we exchange our experiences. Women of all countries have joined and it was a really great experience !» said Gersende[45]. Same thing for Ruth «my best memories is when everyone being really considerate, a lot of understanding from other women, sharing of experience with other women through my blog»[46] Nowadays, keeping contact and sharing with their abroad family, or not to feel lonely, lots of platform exist: like social networks (Facebook, Googple plus, Instagram, Twitter), phone calls with Skype, e-mail, Wechat, Whatsapp. «I communicate with my parents through video call normally once a week, and they also have wechat, so they can see our activities through the pictures we post there»[47] They can also go back to their own country time to time, «I try to celebrate some of our holidays and go back at home as often as I can» explained Ruth. However, even if you can come back home and share your experience with your friends or family abroad, the experience of living in China has changed you in a way.

Hence, people can not understand you or your feelings, because they did not experience -the same things. «I find it quite difficult to share it outside with people back in France, who don’t have the same experience, I am not sure if that is because China, inspires fear, but I often find resistance» David told me. «I feel - I might be wrong - that China is seen as a threat for people, back in France. They saw its skyrocketing rise for the last 15 years, how it came from 7th to number 2, and soon number 1, economy in the world. Today China is perceived as the country «stealing» French people’s jobs. So there is not a huge enthusiasm, when you are in France and say that you are living in China. At best people ignore it. I understand it, but it is quite frustrating. I find that, with somebody who never came to China, the most easy thing to do is to talk about the past, before I left, because it is something we can totally agree on. I usually do not talk about it unless I am asked, and I try to debunk the stereotypes» Futhermore, to go further and to keep contact with their culture, expatriate people also can check tv/news on the Internet «I keep aware of what is going on in France, by extensively reading the news. I also receive the different cultural news letters from the French entities in China (Consultate, Faguowenhua, UFE..) but we seldom have the opportunity to go to those events»

45. Gersende «My pregnancy in China», 5 April 2014 www.femmexpat.com 46. Ruth, Austrian mother of a three months little baby, married with a chinese man. 03/10/14 47. David, French man married with a Chinese woman and father of two girls - 6 and 3 years old - 12/11/14

b. Relation inside the couple «The biggest issues for me was to be alone with a lot of issues towards a child born from parents with different citizenships»[48] The decision to have a child is the biggest challenge for all couples, but even more for mixed couples because of their differences.

«Sometimes, we went through hard moments, but it was nothing compared to the birth of our child»

From information that I have collected through my interviews and testimonies the main concern of mixed couples, when they start to build a family is that somehow they can not be together. Where will they live? Grow up? Give birth? Educate their child? As Joren[49] told me «My wife and me both want to leave China eventually for the education of our child, but making that step is quite hard» Same feeling for Nadine[50] «My biggest worry

is where we are going to settle down in the end. My current difficulty is that I need to take care of many daily issues as my husband does not speak Chinese efficient enough to deal with those issues, which will be the same for me if one day we live in France»

They are afraid that their cultural differences will broke their family up, that they will fail finding compromises in the long term. How to take the time challenge together ?

Everything is a matter of confidence and communication between the two partners: «I am not afraid of the difference of culture, but it is a source of frustration and tension, I try to overcome them by identifying when the problem is cultural and then talk about it in this light»[51] It is easier to go through these difficulties and worry when the couple decided to have a child after being together from long time as Joren explained «We have already been together for 3.5 years and already found a way to deal with that. We live in a transcultural environment, and it is part of us». Just like how they deal their issues with their in-laws, they have to be both open-minded, to accept and understand the culture of their partner. Furthermore, I have noticed that finally their cultural differences help them being more understanding regarding each other, more tolerant and respectful. «The cultural differences affect my way of thinking, help me look things based on the objective fact; also help me when I argue not to involve my personal feelings and just argue about the facts, where Chinese will very often take it personal»[50] If they do not have these qualities they would not be in mixed couple anyway, and they would not take the risk to have and raise a child together.

48. Ruth, Austrian mother of a three months little baby, married with a chinese man. 03/10/14 49. Joren, Dutch man married with a Chinese woman. Father of a just got born baby of 8 days old. 19/09/14 50. Nadine, Chinese woman married with David French man, and mother of two girls - 6 and 3 years old, 15/01/15 51. David, French man married with a Chinese woman and father of two girls - 6 and 3 years old - 12/11/14

They have not been forced to leave their former country to live in China, and to be in a mixed couple, it was their choices, therefore they had to adapt themselves. Now, the problem inside a couple, according to David, is that people tend to think: «Well, we have decided to live with each other, and because he or she loves me, he or she should understand me» The truth is that there are still a lot of their individual behaviours, such as their thinking, assumptions that are deeply related to their culture.

«How we grow up, how our parents have raised us, how our family is behaving around, what the school have taught us over the years, how the society is behaving around us and have behaved in the past, all have strong influence in our daily behaviours. The problem is that the other person in the couple, has not idea about all of this, even worse, they have their own set of values and their own culture that deeply influences their own behaviour. So very often, just like with riding face to face with a bicycle, it creates confusion, frustration and potential clashes. This is something that a couple with same nationality is less likely to have because theses sources of confusion and frustration are absent. We went through a bit of a tense period with my

wife recently, and it was mostly because of cultural differences, but we had difficulties to go around. We ended up one morning, just talking about what were our individual feelings and how we were seeing the situation with our own eyes. And instantly we agreed, that we did not had a problem with each other, but we had acted, and interpreted the other’s action based on our own cultural references. Even though we knew that before we even talked about it, being able to put a name on it «cultural differences» was a huge relief.» If the mixed couple lives in the country of one of the two partners, the native partner should try to understand the difficulties of integration of his spouse, who is sometimes lost in this new world without landmarks, friends or family support: «Of course I do miss my family, my parents are coming over. And the lack of a real, deep, solid social network support is something that I sometimes worry about»[52] Everyone has their habits, even the ways of expressing affection, solidarity or dissatisfaction may be incomprehensible for the other partner. It is not always easy to hear that our culture is incomprehensible to others, and so we can react as the co-pilot, knowing where he is going, forgets to guide the driver.

52. Joren, Dutch man married with a Chinese woman. Father of a just got born baby of 8 days old. 19/09/14

CONCLUSION To sum up, each country has its own cultural traditions and each one has its strengths and weaknesses. Exchanges allow them to complete each other and produice the best of both. They complete each other while bearing their own cultural identity «I do not think my cultural identity changed much after having a child in the context of a mixed couple. I am still a Chinese deep in my mind, especially in the aspect of daily life habits like I will always shower in the evening, drink hot water and forget to say the magic word «please» while asking things»[53] The essential ingredient of a mixed couple to live a successful pregnancy is the mutual deep interest of the two partners in the culture of each other «I love the multicultural life which brings me excitements as well as conflicts but that is what make the daily life more interesting» [53] Unless one of the two has an extreme passion for the country and the culture of his spouse, it seems a bit «unfair» that one «sacrifices» himself for the other and adopt his culture, his language, to abandon his own culture and native language. Ultimately, a mixed couple is especially the addition of two people with their own personalities. If difficulties faced by multicultural couples are more or less common to each couple, each one will have an

experience and a different answer. However as we have seen through this thesis is all about communication: inside the couple, between the partner and his in-law-family and between the partner and his own family. Additionnaly, due to the globalization and westernization of big cities in China, traditional patterns evolved. Today Chinese women are more and more independent, and want to live their pregnancy in a Western way, like Shawn said «Me I want to go back to work as soon as possible, I will have a Ayi to take care about my baby». Even more if they are in mixed couple. In fact, with all the mixed couples that I have interviewed, I can says that Chinese partner is often really open-minded and westernized because of he/she as worked or studied abroad before. As Joren[54] explained «My wife is a scientist and lived in America for 5 years, so she is very open-minded. For example, I told her that if she wants to do the «Zuo yue zi» she can, but she did not want to. Moreover, the people in the hospital are all quite curious that she was able to get up and run, shower, drive the car and did not wear any hat» According to this openmindedness, and maybe because of the fact that they have less pressure on their shoulders,

53. Nadine, Chinese woman married with David French man, and mother of two girls - 6 and 3 years old, 15/01/15 54. Joren, Dutch man married with a Chinese woman. Father of a just got born baby of 8 days old. 19/09/14

thanks to the support of their western partner, Chinese woman within mixed couple do not really follow the old Chinese traditions «My wife is very open minded, and not following much of cultural tradition, or more softer, so it is not a very big challenge. She explained me some aspects of tradition during pregnancy and why she did not want to follow them» told me David[55]. Being a mixed couple also leads to make compromises, it does not only mean being sensitive to his/her partner and open-mindeness, but also making the efforts necessaries to understand him «Concerning the «Zuo Yuezi», knowing I would like to have a child in France too, with my wife we have decided that for the first child, we will follow Chinese traditions and for the second, we will follow the French ones» But all these compromises might not be possible if the couple is not in a wealthy social and financial situation. As Guifang[56] told me very honestly, «If our relationship works, is because we have the resources for it! We have the opportunity to travel regularly, we usually spend 6 months in France then 6 months in China. Without that it would be too difficult. Just the choice of the country would tear us apart»

To finish, we can wonder how mixed couple will deal, after the birth of their child, the transmission of their both cultures and identities, and how it could affect the child ? As Nadine[57] told me «I think my children are a bit more Chinese right now because they are still little and they are in China. But I am sure this will be changed as they grow older and study/ travel somewhere else. One of my biggest worry is, will it be hard for my children to find themselves a position in the society, are they Chinese or French?» According to the opinion of the couples interviewed, rather than conflict issues, cultural differences enriched their daily lives. Moreover, all of them consider the heritage of two cultures as a richness and a priority in the education of their children. The arrival of a child in a mixed couple exposes the parents to make decisions, while the question of the transmission of characteristics identity associated with their different cultural references. They understand and negotiate their differences and affiliations at the time to educate their child. At this moment, everything is subject of negotiations concerning the identity transmitted to the child (name, education, language, nationality ...)

55. David, French man married with a Chinese woman and father of two girls - 6 and 3 years old - 12/11/14 56. Guifang, a Chinese mother of three years old twins, married with a French man Marie-Maxime. 03/10/14 57. Nadine, Chinese woman married with David French man, and mother of two girls - 6 and 3 years old, 15/01/15

Therefore, in order to ensure the transmission of the important cultural elements or the language from their different cultural heritages, and to strengthen their bilinguistic and bicultural identity, several efforts are done. Parents talk with their child in their native language, as David told me «My wife exclusively speak Chinese to our children and me French, so they speak the both languages. They are of course mostly exposed to Chinese so they speak it without any problem. They go to the «Little blue lotus» school[58], whose the kindergarden is bilingual French/Chinese. With my wife we speak English to each other, so our girls are exposed to the English, moreover our friends are mostly English speaking. So the older understand the basic and talk a little, and now she has English class each week at school»; they celebrate with their child both Chinese and Western celebrations, they go back to their second country during the holidays. Also the presence of the grandparents will be very important «We go back to my wife’s family at least once a year for Chinese New Year, and my wife and kids take opportunities to go there from time to time during school vacations. Our daughters are born in Shanghai and they are here until now, but they talk with my parents every week and we go back to France every 2 years for summer holidays»[59]. We can therefore say, that the parents transmit not only a practice,

but a set of dimensions that constitute to their eyes markers of a new cultural identity, multiple identities, a transcultural one «We will teach him Chinese, Dutch and English. Being in China for the first four/five years will give him a boost in Chinese culture experience. Later, we will go to Holland, but travel between. Of course we will educate him on both. In my personal life I feel that cultures are not better than other’s, just different. In this case we will educate him on both and show the difference, without trying to make a value judgment.»[60] When they will grow up, children from mixed unions will face identity choices that others children will not know in the same way. Such choices will come out from their exposure to multiple languages, to different cultural references, to the fact to having more than one nationality, or other to be movable between two or more countries. Transculturality as an heritage, can create identity problems, however such an experience can also have advantages like a positive self-esteem, an optimistic view of life, a enriched cultural heritage, an ability to be understood in all environments, or creativity, ability to accept others, open-mindedness and curiosity, as well as sensitivity to the diversity of values (Breger and Hill, 1998; Maxell, 1998; Stephan and Stephan, 1989).[61]

58. This school is recognize by the French national education department and so follow the french rules. 59. David, French man married with a Chinese woman and father of two girls - 6 and 3 years old - 12/11/14 60. Joren, Dutch man married with a Chinese woman. Father of a just got born baby of 8 days old. 19/09/14 61. C. Therrien and J. Le Gall, New perspectives on conjugal mixity: the subject and the actor in the center of the analysis, «Interatial Magazine: Childhood, Family, Generation» n°17,2012,p1-20

acknowledgment

First, I would like to thank you the teachers who follow me during my end of study year: Karolina Pawlik, Jeremy Cheval and Francesca Valsecchi. I would also like to thanks the persons I interviewed, or answered my online questionnaire: Cindy, Shawn, David, Nadine, Joren, Stephane, Marie-Maxime, Guifang, Ruth, Jocelyn, Serina, Myriam, Jock, Shlomit. Special thanks to Emy, who took time to proofread my writing and correct my spelling mistakes. Then, thank you to all the persons who were involved, in a way or other, to the development of my thought, and the completion of this dissertation.

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Master Degree thesis - China Studio 2014 / 2015 Marine Gaillardon