MITCH DALTON

The studio guitarist’s guide to happiness and personal fulfilment, as related by our resident session ace. This month: If It Ain’t Broke, It Soon Will Be.

Oddly enough, I find that the most stressful aspect of studio work is not the fear of failure. The nightmare of being handed a guitar part that you can’t sight read. Or then, having blundered through a stormy sea of semiquavers, discover that it’s technically beyond your ability due to tempo torture or musicality malfunction. Modesty, humility and other undesirable professional defects dictate that I must confess that any or all of the above can happen on occasion. But the thought doesn’t keep me awake at night clutching my Bonnie Raitt comfort teddy. In truth, my particular confidence crusher is the constant anxiety that something, somewhere along the human/instrument interface will let go with an accompanying bang, crash and involuntary four-letter outburst. To be followed by a silence in which musical director and orchestra stare contemptuously as you flounder helplessly, studio time evaporating at the speed of fright. What follows is an inventory of my emergency tool kit, assembled to ward off both psychological and physical angst should disaster strike. Of course, it isn’t foolproof. It won’t prevent universal mirth if the bridge on your banjo collapses with an explosion to shame a ground-toair missile. It isn’t an icebreaker at dinner parties. But it’s a start.

1. Pencils. Essential for altering parts when requested, and considerably less risky than attempting to memorise said changes or borrowing an item from charitable colleagues in amateurish fashion. I’d go for the tactility and softness of 2B grade or beyond. The Blackwing Palomino 602 at a mere £30 per dozen is the pencil pusher’s pencil but the Staedtler Noris at £2.60 per three pack will get the job done, unless you’ve misheard the arranger’s instructions under the sound of scratching. Pair with an eraser from the WH Smith Oxford range and a quality sharpener (metal or plastic) to complete this season’s look.

2. Capos. Handy for retaining open-sounding chords that will please your producer when handed a part in Ab , for example. Handily positioned at the 1st fret, astound your friends (optional) as you play as if in the key of G. You’ll need a selection of these artefacts to accommodate the neck curvature of acoustic, Spanish and electric instruments. I like Shubb products for their design and ease of use. You won’t see much change out of a ton, as we say down The Queen Vic.

3. Spare strings. I bring a couple of sets for each instrument: 0.0110.049 for Strat and 335 type guitars (or 0.0105 for a tad more bend-ability), 0.012-0.052 (round and/or flatwound) for jazz guitars, 0.012-0.052 phosphor bronze for acoustics, Spanish guitar nylon wound items and on into the whacky world of banjos, mandolins and ukuleles. In a word, an expensive nightmare.

4. Tuners. At least two. I use the Snark models that clip on to the headstock relatively painlessly.

5. You’ll need spare 2032 size batteries as these babies run through ‘em like Lionel Messi through Doncaster Reserves. Of course, you’ll also require a premium selection of PP3s for tired and emotional foot pedals, AA and AAA sizes for others and those funny little round ones that are lethal to animals and small children. And guitarists.

6. A set of screwdrivers of progressive gauges to change all kinds of screws that will detach themselves at vital moments from bridges, pickups and pedals.

7. String winders, string cutters, and pliers of assorted sizes. And expense.

8. Spare picks. I favour Fender 351 celluloid ‘tortoiseshell’ heavy gauge at around £4 per dozen. The colour is immaterial but I guess you could experiment with blue for one specific genre.

9. Spare valves. Personally, I draw the line at the prospect of carrying 6L6s or EL84s and attempting to change the blighters under stress. Better to carry a wee Fender Champ in the boot as insurance.

10. Bottlenecks, glass and/or metal, for slide guitar stylings and pedal steel impersonations.

11. Emery boards and block to maintain nail perfection for those filigree fingerstyle passages. Available from Messrs Boots of Nottingham. Clearly, an unnecessary expense if you’re a thrash or death metal exponent.

Sadly, you’ll have concluded that it will be necessary to carry around a flight case of not inconsiderable proportions just to accommodate this plethora of plectrum perquisites and stave off acute anxiety. But after detailed cost-to-benefit analysis, I have concluded that it works out slightly cheaper overall to sell five or 10 million albums and then employ your own tech guy to take care of the angst-filled details of your professional life. And perhaps your personal one.

In ironic conclusion, I will tell you that one of my favourite effects pedals is the Obsessive Compulsive Drive offered by Fulltone Musical Products, Inc. I have promised myself that the day I bring two OCD pedals to the session is the day I seek qualified medical assistance…

For more on Mitch and his musical exploits with the Studio Kings, go to: www.mitchdalton.co.uk