SUPER BRAIN SOLUTIONS PERSONAL CRISES

Many people react to personal crises with fear, which is instinctual. But it’s possible to have a more integrated approach, which is to say, using your higher and lower brain together. A personal crisis is just a challenge magni ed to drastic proportions, and challenges are part of everyone’s life. No one escapes those dark moments when a challenge turns into a crisis; many turning points have come out of impending disaster.

The outcome of your life depends on how you deal with its darkest moments. Will they be turning points or setbacks? What we call wisdom comes into play here, for most people make important decisions based on impulse or its opposite, habit. They feel the tug of emotions, which are never more powerful than when the mind is in disarray. There is no denying the famous rst sentence of M. Scott Peck’s The Road Less Traveled: “Life is di cult.” But wisdom can be an incentive to conquer the di culties, transforming frustration and defeat into turning points and breakthroughs.

Anytime things go badly wrong, ask yourself three questions, all of which are geared to turn the mind’s disarray into an orderly process that the brain can follow and organize physically.

Do Ask

1. Is this a problem I should fix, put up with, or walk away from?

2 Whom can I consult who has solved the same problem successfully?

3. How can I reach deeper into myself for solutions?

Conversely, there are three questions that you shouldn’t dwell upon because they are self-defeating and promote mental chaos.

DON’T ASK

1. What’s wrongwith me?

2. Whom can I blame?

3. What’s the worst-case scenario?

The situations in which these questions come into play are innumerable, from a bad relationship to a serious car accident, from a diagnosis of life-threatening illness to a child’s arrest for drugs. The sad truth is that millions of people constantly dwell on the questions they shouldn’t be asking, while only a fraction seriously ask the right questions, leading to the right actions. Let’s see if we can improve on that.

1. Is this a problem I should fix, put up with, or walk away from?

The rst thing to do is to get your bearings in a reasonable way. Therefore, ask Is this a problem I should x, put up with, or walk away from? Unless you can answer this question clearly and rationally, your vision will be clouded by emotional reactions. Without knowing it, you will be under the sway of the instinctive-emotional alliance in your brain. You may give in to impulsiveness or else fall back on old habits when what you need is something new, a solution that fits the crisis at hand.

Bad situations can often induce bad decision making, and so to get to the point of making good decisions, you must clarify your inner confusion. Pause to consider—with consultation from those you trust—a course of action that begins with nding a x. If the x isn’t there, ask why. The answer may be that you need to be patient and put up with the bad situation, or else that you need to walk away because no one in your place can nd a x. Financial problems can sometimes be xed, but sometimes you have to put up with them, unless worse comes to worst and you must walk away by ling bankruptcy. Notice that this sequence has to exist. Society was backward when debt was turned into a moral failing and debtors were thrown into prison. They were deprived of the means to either fix their situation or walk away from it.

Don’t trap yourself through judgment and punitive moral attitudes. In general, because nding a x takes e ort and walking away feels risky, most people put up with bad situations, even ones in crisis, such as a violently abusive spouse or serious signs of heart disease due to obesity. Only a small percentage of people (under 25 percent) seek professional help for their emotional problems, while most people (more than 70 percent) report that they deal with emotional difficulties by watching more television.

The alternatives would work if people didn’t vacillate when things go bad. One day they wishfully hope for a x and maybe take a few steps toward it. The next day they feel passive and victimized, so they put up with things as they are. The third day they are sick and tired of su ering and simply want to escape. The overall result is selfdefeat. No solution can ever be found by running in three di erent directions. So clarify your situation and act on what you clearly see.

Actions: When you feel calmer, sit down and examine the crisis. Write down the alternatives, making a column each for x it, put up with it, and walk away. Write down the reasons for each. Weigh them carefully. Ask someone you trust to read your list and comment. Once you’ve decided what to do, stick with it unless strong indications point in a new direction.

2. Who can I consult who has solved the same problem successfully?

Bad situations aren’t solved in isolation, but our emotional reactions undoubtedly isolate us. We become afraid and depressed. We draw into ourselves. Around the edges we entertain shame and guilt, and once these corrosive feelings take hold, we have even more reason to shut down. Therefore, you should ask, Who can I consult who has solved the same problem successfully?

Finding someone who has gone through the same crisis that you are facing accomplishes several things at once. It gives you an example to follow, a con dante who understands your plight, and an alternative to withdrawing into isolation. Victims always feel alone and helpless. So reach out to someone who has proven, through their own life, that you don’t have to be victimized by the bad thing you are facing now.

We aren’t talking about hand-holding, shared misery, or even therapy. All those activities can be bene cial (or not), but there’s no substitute for talking to a person who has entered a dark place and come out successfully. Where do you nd such a person? Ask around. When you are feeling overburdened and stressed, more people want to help than you imagine. The Internet widens your search much further, since it o ers active forums, where crises can be discussed in real time, and links to interconnected sources. But make sure that you are not entering into a moaning session, either online or face to face. In the intensity of our feelings, it’s easy to lean on anyone who will give a listen. Stop and stand back. Are you getting the right feedback? Is something positive, something you can use, coming out of every encounter? Is the other person truly sympathetic? (You can see through faking if you allow yourself to.) Sharing our emotions is only the beginning. You need signs that your emotions are healing and that a real solution to the crisis is starting to appear.

Actions: Find a con dante to tell your story to. Seek a support group; go online to nd blogs and forums the possibilities are much greater than ever before. Don’t stop until you nd not just good advice, but real empathy from someone you trust. Put their words to the test by writing down the solution being suggested. Update these notes every few days until the solution starts to work; otherwise, go back and ask for better advice.

3. How can I reach deeper into myself for solutions?

Finally, there is no getting around facing the crisis head on. Turning a bad thing into a good thing is up to you. No one can be there all the time, and like it or not, crises are all-consuming. You nd yourself facing an inner world that is suddenly full of threats, fears, illusions, wishful thinking, denial, distractions, and con ict. The world “out there” won’t shift until the world “in here” does. Therefore, ask, How can I reach deeper into myself for solutions?

You are seeking entry into the domain of the higher brain, where intellect and intuition can aid you. But you must give permission rst, which means a willingness to go deeper inside. We haven’t dealt yet with the higher brain. As a preview, consider a simple truth that Rudy and Deepak deeply believe in: The level of the solution is never the level of the problem. Knowing this, you can escape many traps that people fall into. What exists at the level of the problem? Repetitive thinking that gets nowhere. Old conditioning that keeps applying yesterday’s outworn choices. Lots of unproductive, obsessive behavior and stalled action. One could go on. But the relevant insight is that you have more than one level of awareness, and at a deeper level you have untapped creativity and insight.

Your higher brain contains the potential for creating new solutions, but you must cooperate. Many people say, “I have to think this through,” which can be a good rst step. But at a deeper level the process is one of allowing. You must nd a way to hang loose, which is extremely di cult in a crisis. Everyone is tempted to ail. Constant pressure leads to constant worry. Mounting anxiety fuels the lower brain, which amps up its reactions. Only the higher brain is capable of detaching the mind from instinctiveemotional reactions.

So how do you allow the higher brain to function better? Trust and experience both help. If you have, sometime in your past, had aha! moments when the solution pops out of nowhere, you can trust that it will occur again. If you value insight, that also helps. Set up the right circumstance for a breakthrough: be quiet for a set part of the day. Close your eyes and follow your breath, until your body begins to calm down. Physical stress blocks the higher brain. Make sure you are well rested, insofar as that is possible. Keep away from stressful triggers and people who make you feel vulnerable.

In your quietness, ask for an answer. For some people, this means praying to God, but it needn’t. You can ask your higher self or simply have an intention that is focused and clear. Then back o and relax. Answers always come, because the mind is never at a loss for channels of communication. Putting a question to the universe, as some people would phrase it, stimulates the universe to respond. In any event, generations of wisdom support the notion that creative solutions arise spontaneously.

The first stage is that fear subsides; you feel strongenough to meet the crisis

The second stage is that you see what to do.

The third stage is that you see meaning in the whole experience. The higher brain serves this natural unfoldment if you allow it to.

Actions: Allow a space for inner quiet. Detach yourself from worry; don’t get involved in the chaos. Under these nurturing conditions, you are reaching the level of the solution while detaching from the level of the problem.

The three questions you shouldn’t ask will haunt you unless you consciously push them aside. We all feel the urge to condemn ourselves out of guilt, to blame others for our misfortunes, and to fantasize about total disaster. That’s what the three bad questions are about, and when we give in to them, they do untold harm in everyday life. Remind yourself, in your moments of clarity, that this is self-punishment. Open a wedge of clear thinking in order to break down the instinctive-emotional reactions that want to take hold.

We can’t know exactly what bad things are happening to you. We just urge you to quit being part of the majority who live in confusion and con ict. Join the minority that sees a clear path out of present darkness, that never submits to fear and despair, and that does its part to lead everyone out of crisis into a future full of light.