Andy H. Wallace Broken Promises From The Streets

Hey y 'all, my name is Andy. Through this book I want to take you through where I came from and hopefully my story helps or even touches one person and if that is done then my mission is complete. People come from different places in this world and even different places in life. But my job is to show you if you put your all in it you can change, anyone can. Now sit back, open your mind and your heart and let this book take you away and see the struggles and the ups and downs of a boy turning into a man.

See my childhood was rocky. I was taken away from my mother and father at the age of two because of my mother's drug abuse.

Instead of DCFS taking me, they let me go with my aunt and my sister. See I got taken away because my mom ' s drug abuse got so bad that she tried to put me in the oven.

I’m still battling with myself and trying to find out who I am. I’m scared to open old wounds. I am scared to find out who I am. I’m scared to feel that hurt again. Or imagine why my mom didn't want me and would try to hurt me. They say, “ you not supposed to question GOD!!!”

But I find myself doing that a lot. See I was born on the westside of Chicago, K-Town to be exact. There was no love frfr. I didn’t feel wanted until I fell into the “street life,” where they accepted me with open arms and I embraced it.

When it came to hustling I felt that’s what I was born to do. I could stand on the corner for hours, literally from 7am to 11pm. Me and lil B we was the trappers of the hood. See B was 5 years older than me. He was the trap star. He was already running shit. He knew how to put the money up!

See my brother and sister wasn’t with me, so I lacked that big brother, big sister love. But B took that up, that was my big brother to me and the streets.

It was on Wilcox and Kilbourn where I first started my hustling. See I was too young to start off selling. I started out watching look out. See that was the first time where I felt like I was wanted and served a purpose. See, at home there wasn't no more kids or fun. Even though I was the youngest out there, I felt accepted.

I came to be known because my Aunt would walk around the neighborhood looking for me with a picture, asking have they seen me cause I used to run away from home. So everybody would be like your grandmomma looking for you with a picture. Some would take me back, some would hide me but I always found my way back to the streets.

I was around love and I had the freedom to do what I wanted to do. On the other hand at Mama Pearl’s house things was strict. I couldn’t be the kid I wanted. I wanted to be free, learn things on my own. Be a boy, fall, get in fights, talk to girls. I felt I couldn’t do that at Mama Pearl’s house

I made my choice. The streets was the only thing that accepted me. So that was home for me, that was where I belonged. I knew no other acceptance. The streets was my family and where I felt loved and wanted.

Here I am 36, still trying to figure it out, but guess what, I'm learning. Love is loving yourself first. To give love you have to love yourself first, and honestly I don't love me. Sounds weird don't it, but I can't if I don't even take care of myself. I know y 'all saying how you don't take care of yourself and you made it this far? I took drugs which isn't good for you. I put myself in situations that I know weren't right. I know right from wrong but still decide to do wrong. The thing is though I acknowledge those things so is that the beginning of love?

Pat, I have a few questions. With me being the baby, why wasn't I loved? Why would you want me to die? Why would you give me up? Your sister took me in and tried to show me love but you mentally f***** me up. You made me not trust no one, not even myself! Sometimes I blame me. Maybe I was a crybaby, maybe I was ugly. Maybe this, maybe that, maybe I'm not supposed to be here. But how is that, I'm 36 now. But I'm still trying to learn who I am. Am I a Hustler or a killer, what am I covering up? Man, I hate you! Yes, hate you, and I thought you should know that.

Signed, Andy