Jaquan "Culture Quan" Reedy Riding The Fence

It starts with being unified. The more we identify the tricks and traps the better we would as a whole see the picture that is bigger than us. Identity is so important because once you realize that you ' re the target, you ’ re the puppet on the string, it “should” trigger emotions like anger, guilt, but also it puts you ahead of the game. Once you know better you have the option to do better instead of being robbed of your choices because of being naive. Be the culture. Because for real, for real, if you ain’t with it, you against it.

I’m in the middle of working on my little brother. What I mean is I’m righting my wrongs through his life. I’m older by about 4 or 5 years, so what I’m trying to instill in him is recognizing the warnings before destruction. Sometimes in life when you have people around who love you & have more life experience it sounds messed up but let other people make mistakes for you. Let them go through some of the hardships for you. You don't always have to touch the hot stove to know it’s hot when I’m right next to you with 3rd degree burns. To me that is one of the significant things about the human race, we go through so many different walks of life & at different times we might not even understand that we are the blueprint of someone else’s life. We may not even know that our going through is a testimony and guide to help out someone we love dearly. So whether we are going through good or bad times, embrace it, learn from it, be a part of it. Because it could mean life or death to someone important in your life.

I need a father… lol I’m 26 and he’s been dead since I was 5. A great person (Lisa) told me that you will never stop needing a parent. It started with me hearing a guy talk about how his father was an outdoors guy and I started thinking about something I thought about the other day. I want to go hunting and that seems like the right bonding moment between father and son. To be honest there are alot of moments when I want to call you, dad, from heaven and ask you for a visit. If you could pay me a visit I would first tell you I’m sorry for using you being dead as an excuse for doing wrong, or not being man enough to acknowledge that a lot of decisions I made were solely on me, so sorry about that.

Would you have told me to be careful of being a heartbreak kid and filling girls' hearts with hope because one day you will receive what you dish out? When I was a pre-teen, 12, 13 years old, I started to see the real world, like drugs, violence, deception, when I was failing high school. What advice would you have given me about peer-pressure? Would you have told me peer-pressure comes in different forms, like being cool in school?

Being a leader comes with a lot of responsibilities. When you ' re on a certain platform you have the spotlight. What would you have said about being a leader? Knowing how to lead and not lead based on what the masses think but what is right despite what people may want. Henry Ford said if I would have asked people “What improvement would you make on transportation?” they would have asked for faster horses. I would have never created the engine.

7th grade B-team. Now I have to move up to the A-Team with all the rest of the guys. I'm tall with no good foot work so I’m stuck with the rejects on the B team. Basketball is different playing under the whistle, which is basically organized basketball. Playing at the park or the backyard is fine, but organized basketball is what separates the strong from the weak. Men from boys. I got to stop fouling.

“Quan just stand with your arms straight up tall. Make a wall and keep your feet planted.” Yelled D-Walk’s dad. Which is like my dad/mentor and he’s one of my coaches. “Block!!” yelled, the ref. Oh shit. He said block, and not foul?! Oh shit oh shit oh shit I got it now. That game I didn’t foul out changed me. He gave me the boost I needed. So from that point on I went extra hard in practices and no bullshit. I played more than half the season with my guys on the A team.

To be called every game in the starting lineup was everything. That year we literally made history and went downstate and came in second place… Great season, eighth grade season. Me and my guys, which is our school starting five, are airtight. We ball together, hang together and get into trouble together. Mr. Walkers is my close homie's dad, but he treats me and Armon like his son. D-Walk’s walk…

Now Mr. Walker is old-school, like for real. Big down south meals for every eating hour of the day; breakfast, lunch and dinner. He believes we need to always work or do some type of chore before we do anything. We used to laugh on our way to D-Walk’s house because we know. Oh shit. What slave work Roy [Mr. Walker] want us to do? When we clean the gutter or cut his grass or wash the car, let’s bet the order or do y ’all.

“Whoever wins gets to do less work when Roy not around, bet!” We all say “Oh yeah.” We call him his first name behind his back. We pull up to the house ready to play ball in his backyard and, sure enough, he let us think it was sweet and right. When we thought we were good, he called with them jobs for the day. He didn’t just give us orders like some slave master, but used to give us what we now know were words of wisdom, teaching us how to be men.

“When you get your own house, little shit like keeping your gutters clean and keeping your house in order is what men do," he would say. It saves you money when you take care of your household. 13 / 14 years old, who cares? I don’t even have a job! You talking about our own homes. Whatever. Mr. Walker’s house was the shit as a kid; two game systems and just a little under a full court to play ball, unlimited Gatorade, snacks, food, and his liquor cabinet. He is a very strong believer that hard work brings great rewards.

So early on we got it in our hearts that he wasn’t trying to treat us. We just looked at it as even trade for all the food, games, and a court in the backyard to hoop all weekend. Wasn’t that bad. It came to the point where we just came over and before he would tell us what to do, we would just find everything that needs to be done and get to it. He would always preach education, family, hard work, what it is to be a real man. As he would always give us these talks, I would feel the love and keep thinking this is as close to what it feels in my heart and mind of what a father is.

All around me, destruction and madness mask themselves with faces like rap music, street money, broken homes, and a corrupt government and flawed justice system. I’m pretty sure we can all talk about the glories and upside of the faces I’ve named. For example, growing up the police and government officials, and honestly, for a lot of us, gangbangers and drug dealers were heroes and role models. Growing up you couldn’t tell me characters like Lonzo off the movie Training Day were real or based off of real life events. You couldn’t tell me my dad sold drugs, or been in and out of jail. You couldn’t tell me drinking and smoking causes broken homes because when my aunt Viv got drunk she was a happy drinker, most times. She was the highlight of me and my sister’s night. These were a lot of things I thought before growing out of my innocence and into the realities of the life that’s out there. 15 or 16 playing basketball, good summers, high school would be a cakewalk.

You couldn’t tell me shit. This time as well I’ve been exposed to gangs & drugs, and, a few summers ago, sex. My brother was the man growing up. He had fly cars and shoe game was on point. I’ve heard many stories about him I never told him I knew. Basketball started to become secondary. Because at first school and basketball were supposed to be my only job, let her tell it. Little did she know that would soon change. Seeing her struggle and my mom being laid off didn’t start to settle in my mind until that home energy was just different. To be honest, financially it was tight. A lot of you reading this may have your own experiences in life where it was tight. Some of you know how it feels to boil water on the stove before school. Gas bill ain’t paid and the furnace broke and they want an arm and a leg to fix it. Or when you nail the doors with blankets and plastic on the windows to help keep the house warmer. A cold home makes a cold heart.

“Damn, you can still smell it can’t you. ” “Hell yeah, a little,” one of the guys said while I’m trying to find my practice shoes and keep the weed wrapped tight to suppress the smell. Playing ball was fun, not a career. School was always my weakness, not because it was hard or I wasn’t understanding the work. It was more so that I just couldn’t stay focused. My mom ’ s been laid off a while now and, for some strange reason, the idea of “ you got to stay out of the way ” so she can make sure Nay and Mal were straight, my little brother and sister. I grew up fast, and to be honest, as the oldest man in the house I didn’t want my mom to be overstressed, so I made the choice to do whatever for the paper. OK, I’ll keep it real, when you see that street money there’s nothing like it. It comes fast and leaves even faster when you ’ re a teen steady coming home with five, six hundred dollars three or four nights in a row.

Side bar, I used to watch all the drug dealer gangster movies and would think I was so smart by saying, see ain’t gonna be like those dumb ass goofys with all the millions they bringing in. Just stop. Go legit. Get out the game. I had countless thoughts day in and day out on looking for the right way to do the wrong thing. Story of my life. Go to school. Go to all classes, find a decent female who you can talk into doing all your work so you can have something to turn in then leave out door five to get to what really matters. My crowd of homies were a little older, so everyone I’m around drinks and smokes, ball players and all. So once I discover that again, the right way to do wrong side came out and told me since you still have to go to practice, bring the work to practice. There are plenty of guys at the gym or park districts. I know I can at least get a few sales and still practice. Now I understand the term “addicted to the rush, not the money. ” The fact is all this tax free money steady rolling in. Damn I’m in too deep to turn back. I can't even see where I started, but the road of destruction was clear as day.

Please God save me from me.

We hit every block in the land. So we spotted one of them. All hell broke loose the moment we stepped out the car. We kicked his whole ass!!! I mean you would have thought he killed someone close to us the way he got fucked up. We left him where we beat him. Well the next day, we would have another problem. Well, I forgot to mention we all went to the same high school, and his mom showed up with him looking like pumpkin-head. We got a court date.

My mom and me had to pay a fine on the court date that was set. On my way home, sitting in the driveway, my mom and I had a long talk. One of the main things I heard her saying is “ one day you ’ re going to get into something that a fine and me signing some paperwork won’t help you. ” Warning number one.

Warning number two came a little harder. Coming around the ramp getting on the E Way going way faster than we should, my homey pushing his Explorer like in the movies everything went in slow motion: the radio stopped out of nowhere, conversations in the backseat of the car ceased, and we all felt it. Boom!!! Boom!!! The 18 wheeler totaled the car. The highway was clear and we were in the wrong because of speeding. He was doing at least 60 or 65 miles an hour and we tried to jump in front of him and all you know is I’m spinning, lost in my mind, and it’s crazy because when you ’ re in a car crash it’s like you go blind. When the car finally stopped, we were deep in the field, the railing on the Eway was coiled. My friend snapped us out of a trance, saying the car is going to blow, get out.

By the grace of God, we all got out with no major injuries or none at all. I was so lost and scared and confused because if you could see the car, you would be sure someone was dead. When the state troopers came and did their routine, I was scrolling through my phone just thinking I can’t tell my mom she would tweak. As I looked up Lord and behold, my mom was one of the cars slowed down by traffic because of our car crash. My sister was pointing and I could tell her and my mom were going crazy. She pulled over and hugged me so hard. I got home with a friend's mom and then that night my mom poured her heart out to me about signs and symbols. “The warning before the destruction, Quan, is real. Whatever it is in life you ’ re doing, that you and only you know you ’ re doing wrong, has to stop. Two months later at 17 years old, 144 days before I was 18, I was taken out of my home on first-degree murder charges. The start of my end.

My mom is a very spiritual person. She’s not a bible thumper (a bible thumper is a person who brings God into everything. “What would Jesus do?” about everything). But she gives you enough information to really think about some real life shit. So one day around Thanksgiving my mom went shopping . She told me all the stores were crowded, so I might as well get the nutmeg for my pies here. So she went on to say there was this guy who she locked eyes with a few times throughout the store. So I asked did he give you the creep vibe… or like he knew you but couldn’t put his finger on it. She said it wasn’t a creep vibe and she was sure he didn’t know her. So when they ended up in the same aisle, he stopped her and said “Excuse me, Miss. I'm sorry to bother you, but do you have a son in jail?”

Now pause. My mom don’t miss a beat of church but she know the streets well. Shoutout to her beloved husband. She answered carefully saying something along the lines like why do you ask? Where’s this going…? So she ended up saying “Yeah. I have a son in jail.” He told my mom with all seriousness that “God wanted me to tell you your son is going to be ok. He's coming home,” and, knowing my mom, that gave her so much more confirmation from God. And I can see her now beaming because of that, and when she told me that story it made me instantly thank God because I was at a point in time where I prayed the same prayer everyday. God please don’t let me be blind to what you want me to see or deaf to what you want me to hear. That was a great phone call for a number of reasons but mainly because me and my mom found great bonding time over a subject she lived day to day and a lifestyle I’m chasing for the rest of my life.

A new part of life begins every time you get confirmation from your higher power.