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Contents 4
Letter from the Editor
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Senior Independence
10 Relocating & Caregiving 15 health & Wellness Directory
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Kauai Shinbuyo Kai
20 Community Resources 21 Crossword 22 Ask the Nurse 23 Confessions of a Caregiver
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From Hiapo to Tapa 12
16 Chronic Pain 17 Health Literacy
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Exercise: Badminton Recipe: Cioppino
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Cover: Fualupe Tuihalafatai-Silva holds a beautiful tapa cloth while reminiscing about her childhood & growing up in the Kingdom of Tonga, where her parents & family spent much of their time in the labor-intensive practice of making tapa. Story & more photos on page 12.
Elder Resource Magazine
Editor & Publisher Artistic Consultant: Judith Lee Christine Bothmer, RN Contributing Writers: Graphics & Design Pam Woolway, Rose Murtagh, MPH; Julie Bothmer-Yost Winifred Tamura-Lis, PhD
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Contact Elder Resource Mail: P.O. Box 1257 Koloa, HI 96756 Email: cbothmer@elder-resource.org Phone: (808) 212-2760
The material in this magazine is for educational purposes only and not intended to replace the advice of your healthcare provider. Talk to your healthcare provider before changing your healthcare regimen.All rights reserved. Permission granted to reproduce portions of this magazine for educational, non-commercial purposes only; please credit Elder Resource Magazine including date of issue, website url or mailing address. Advertisement in Elder Resource does not imply endorsement of products or services. We have no political or religious affiliation. www.elder-resource.org 3
Letter from the Editor
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ebruary is National Senior Independence Month, and I’ve been mulling over a dilemma. When does a person’s safety override their free will? Consider that people take risks all the time--hiking along treacherous cliffs or shorelines, extreme sports, eating decadent desserts--it’s risk versus benefit, with individuals allowed to decide based on their own values. So why is it that all too often, when frailty hints at the close proximity of death, our autonomy diminishes in the name of keeping the body alive for as long as possible? As a society we are trained to think living longer at the expense of everything else is a person’s priority when “the end is near.” But is it? For some maybe, but for everybody? Dr. Atul Gawande, surgeon, best-selling author and author of Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End, in a recent interview put it succinctly: “Safety is what we want for our loved ones; autonomy is what we want for ourselves.” To learn more and discover how to make a difference in your own life and the lives of others, watch Frontline: Being Mortal on PBS February 10th at 10pm.
-Chris Bothmer
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Senior Independence
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Christine Bothmer, RN
ebruary is National Senior Independence Month, but what exactly is independence? Ask 10 people and you’re likely to get 10 different answers. Is anybody truly independent? After all, we all rely on others to some degree. We are dependent on farmers to produce food and make it available to us. We rely on auto mechanics to repair our cars, and even if you don’t drive, you probably rely on public transportation; or a bike shop for supplies to repair your bicycle.
In healthcare, independence is generally described as the ability to make one’s own decisions and act on them without assistance or restraint. So independence is a matter of degree. Keeping this in mind can help alleviate the anxiety associated with age-related loss of independence. Richard is 75 years old and still works part time because he enjoys the work, teaching children about the natural world. He travels, goes on camping trips, takes care of
himself and decides what he wants to do each day. Reflecting on what senior independence means to him, Richard says he is more careful when his wife isn’t home, for example avoiding doing chores that re-
Independence is the ability to make one’s own decisions & act on them without assistance or restraint. quire a ladder, saying “It’s a matter of staying safe because you break easier.” This is a common sense approach--avoiding accidents as a way to preserve independence.
CDC/ Richard Duncan
Levers instead of knobs are easier on arthritic hands 6
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Sue is retired and enjoys the natural world that Kauai has to offer, as well as the home she built and lives in. She takes pride in performing general maintenance around her home but has had to cut back on some outdoor activities saying, “there was a time I realized I won’t Continued on Page 8
Giving Back to the Community
Last year, Elder Resource Magazine was delivered with over 1000 home delivered meals with Meals on Wheels to homebound seniors through Kauai Economic Opportunity Over 1000 have been provided to food pantries around Kauai through Hawaii Foodbank, Kauai Branch 100s more to non-profit & government agencies dedicated to the wellbeing of older adults. Let’s keep it going in 2015. Our advertisers make it possible.
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swim out that far again. I won’t hike that trail again.” She helped a friend’s mother, who is now blind, stay in her own home. The familiar surroundings helped, but she was having trouble heating up her food because she couldn’t see the temperature setting on her stove. Sue placed a raised plastic dot at the right temperature so she could could feel, rather than see, the correct temperature. They did the same thing with the microwave. Sue is a problem-solver and encourages other seniors to be problem-solvers to help them stay independent. Ironically, sometimes help is needed to
Sue is a problem-solver and encourages other seniors to be problem-solvers to help them stay independent.
caregiver and the person who needs help. Flora (not her real name) is in her 90s and lives at home with her husband, who is also her primary caregiver. He drives safely and is able to manage his own personal care and shopping. Flora, however, has had health challenges for at least a decade and now she is frequently tired and dizzy. She had a stroke several years ago leaving her weak on one side but she is able to slowly move about her home with a cane. She manages her own personal care but needs help with her medications because being tired and dizzy makes it hard to concentrate. Her husband now helps with her medications, but he is burnt out, having cared for his wife for so long. He feels conflicted--he loves her but wishes she would move to a care home. Flora wants to stay home, where her chil-
maintain independence. For those who need help with daily activities, caregivers should ensure the person is able to safely do as much as possible independently. This helps them continue to live a meaningful life, promotes harmony in the household and reduces the risk of injury to both the
CDC/ Richard Duncan
An expensive remodel is not necessary to make bathing safe. 8
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CDC/ Amanda Mills
Question: What other equipment does this woman need to solve this problem?
dren were raised and where the familiarity of the place allows her to reminisce about when she had a career and entertained in her home. Recently Flora started losing weight and is having a harder time with her personal care. Her husband is now exhausted and irritable, pressuring her to move into a care home. A home health nurse was called in to assess the situation and make recommendations that would allow Flora to remain at home while easing the strain on her husband. Neither Flora nor her husband could figure out why she was losing weight. Somebody had mentioned to them that very old people tend to lose weight, so they assumed it was normal. After several visits the nurse arrived while the couple was arguing. Flora wanted some soup but she couldn’t open the can. Her husband had spent the whole morning helping her and went outside to do some yardwork. After talking with Flora, the nurse learned she had stopped taking her arthritis medication because it was contributing to her dizziness. The nurse informed the doctor about her stopping the medication. She also recommended obtaining an electric can opener so she could eat when hungry and changing the bathroom faucets so water flow could be adjusted with levers instead of knobs, which is easier for people with arthritis. On a follow-up visit, the couple was having lunch together. Flora had gained a few pounds and was clean and well-groomed. Her husband felt bad that he hadn’t thought of getting an electric can opener or the lever water faucets. He enjoys tinkering around the house and took it upon himself to make other changes that allow Flora to maintain more independence and live a meaningful life.
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Photo: Rachelle Bachran
Relocating and Caregiving
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Winifred Tamura-Lis, MSN
ong distance caregiving is difficult. You are not there. You worry about your parent eating healthy foods, using the toilet with no problems and sleeping alright. Can he get around safely--walking, doing chores, and driving? Does he fall? Have skin problems? I used to call my father daily. When he didn’t answer the phone, I’d imagine all kinds of things happening.
My siblings and I discussed how we could help our then 94-year-old father since he did not want to leave his garden, woodworking shop, friends, and senior activities (including gateball), or Kauai. It was a busy time for us; for a while we alternated monthly week-long visits to Kauai. We helped with cooking, cleaning, paying bills, and laundry, but this was not enough. We contracted a lawn care service and a nurse to visit with him several afternoons a week. As a charge nurse with a gerontological background, it made sense that I was the best candidate for caregiving. My husband passed away in December of 2011, and friends said I should not make drastic life changes for a year. I continued to work; feeling conflicted about leaving good friends, a great job, our home of 23 years and a familiar city to return to Kauai. I had to pack up and store our belongings and sell the house, closing a chapter. It was not easy. Dad welcomed my moving in with him. He
is very patient and makes few requests, but as a widower of 25 years, is used to doing things his way. It’s hard for Dad to give up his zori or flipflops for non-slip shoes. It’s hard for me to repeat sentences in a loud voice because of his age-related hearing loss. He refuses hearing aids. So based on his talents and limitations, I try to tailor care to optimize his quality of life. We went with him to his doctor’s visits, so keeping track of his medications and other health-related activities was straightforward. We ask his doctors questions to get the information we need. I believe he prevents falls because he walks very slowly and carefully. Other safety measures included installing grab bars by steps and in the bathroom, removing throw rugs to prevent tripping, and installing a bed transfer bar to help with getting in and out of bed. These modifications help him to be independent. Dad has a history of healthy eating. He prefers fresh fruit for dessert. He had a vegeta-
Top Photo: Winnie & her father, Misao Tamura, flanked by UH nursing students Mark Gil Billwayen, Rhea Corpuz, Nathrene “Puna” Butay and Danielle Gonabe.
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Kauai Shinbuyo Kai Performance
Photos by Christine Bothmer
Formed in 1980 and under the leadership of Aiko Nakaya, this Japanese dance club keeps tradition alive with their weekly practice sessions, their performances and traditional costumes. “Like Hula, it’s interpretive dancing,” says Freckie Okada, who acted as this event’s emcee. The club practices at the Hanapepe Neighborhood Center every Friday starting at 8:30 am. Stop by for more information on joining the group.
Above: Beautiful fans and traditional costumes add to the delightful performances.
Right: Aiko Nakaya, left, and Jan Matsumoto, right, perform Yagi Bushi. “It’s about a sociable chap, which explains the masculine step” in this picture, says Freckie Okada (above), adding that womens’ movements never have such bold steps in traditional Japanese dance. www.elder-resource.org
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From Hiapo to Tapa a moment in the life of Fualupe Silva
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Interview & photos by Christine Bothmer
ualupe “Lupe” Tuihalafatai-Silva has a passion for tapa. Growing up in The Kingdom of Tonga life was filled with family, school and church, set against a backdrop of the manufacture of tapa, the cloth of the mulberry tree. Historically, tapa was used as cloth is used in other cultures--as clothing, hung on walls & over windows to prevent drafts, for wrapping, covering and given as gifts. Today it still has many uses and carries important cultural significance. In Lupe’s words, “In the Tongan culture, if you don’t have tapa you’re a poor person.” On these pages, Lupe talks about her childhood memories of growing up around tapa. Here’s what she had to say: My Mom used to have a group to do the tapa. My Dad had a man group; they grow the tapa for the ladies. They grow the little hiapo [mulberry] plants and have to manicure the plants so they don’t have branches. When there is a branch that’s where the hole’s created. So they groom the tapa straight up, about 8 feet, 10, 11, then they cut. They cut and open [the bark from the tree] and help the ladies pull the inner bark out. 12
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From there the ladies take over. The inner bark they soak overnight and in the morning get together. They send their kids to school, then sit and do their pounding. A lot of us, we think it’s a lot of work. To them it’s fun. You know what they say, “the good old days.” They get together, relatives and friends, sing songs and keep going. It’s a hard life, but to them it’s everyday life. They’re happy. When they do the big pieces the whole village
came and helped. Usually the husband do the cooking, an imu to feed all the people there. He’ll have a pig, seafood, and all different kinds of food, sweet potatoes, tapiocas and all that. We always have fish, we share our food with our neighbor. It was a neighborly thing with us. We share our food. The paint used on tapa, over here they call it lapalapa but in Tonga they call it koka. The men go out and scrape the bark from these big trees and into a burlap sack; wring all the liquid into a tub tapped at the bottom to collect the liquid. The ladies boil those liquids and put it away for a few months. The thing will get thick and ferment. The black they scrape from the mangrove. The milo tree has a nice color to it, it’s almost golden. The mountain apple has that burgundy-reddish. Sometimes they use red dirt. After they have all the koka, they get another piece of tapa, grab into it and wipe the whole white tapa down. That’s how it ended up brown. The lauhala fruits, that’s the paintbrush. It’s a lot of work, that tapa.
Lupe holds a sample of the inner bark.
Here, she demonstrates how the bark is tapped with a mallet to spread the fibers, resulting in a thin sheet. This is the width after the first pass.
Left: This tapa was a wedding gift to Lupe from her sisters. The lion represents the King; below the lion is a lei. The road to the palace is lined with pine trees. A peaceful dove is to the right. Above: a gift to her husband from Lupe’s cousins. www.elder-resource.org
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Exercise of the Month: Badminton
Photos by Christine Bothmer
Top: Rose sends the birdie back over the net with a flick of the wrist while her teammate Andrea watches and moves into position, preparing for a quick turnaround.
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n enthusiastic & friendly group, The Kalaheo Badminton Club was having fun & working up a sweat on a recent morning at the Kalaheo Neighborhood Center. Badminton is an Olympic sport & popular in many Asian countries. With a variety of skill levels, there’s a place for everybody in the Kalaheo Badminton Club. “The lightweight equipment makes it easier on the body than tennis,” says Andrea “and it’s great for mental sharpness and eye-hand coordination.” 10:00 - 12:00, every Wednesday & Friday. Bring clean gym shoes and an unbreakable water bottle. Nominal fee helps replenish shuttlecocks. For more information contact Andrea at 212-9388.
Peutu challenges Kyoko, a formative opponent, with an explosive return of the shuttlecock. Arlecia watches on, anticipating her next move. 14
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Walt maintains the volley with Kyoko at the ready.
Elder Resource Magazine’s
Health & Wellness Directory of Products & Services
Tips & Ideas for Quality of Life
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Chronic Pain in Older Adults By Gerald J. McKenna, M.D.
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s we age there is more wear and tear on the body, particularly the spine and joints. Degenerative joint disorder, osteoporosis and osteoarthritis can lead to various forms of skeletal chronic pain. In addition, many other illnesses are accompanied by pain, such as the neuropathy so common with diabetes. Walking, swimming and other forms of regular exercise will help decrease chronic pain and often eliminate or decrease the need for pain medications. Combinations of non-addicting medications are often prescribed for inflammatory pain. There are a wide variety of nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs) that are effective. Consult your primary care physician before starting these medications because they all have the potential for gastrointestinal bleeding. Some can have adverse effects on the liver and kidney if used for long periods and in high doses. Increasingly in the United States, opiate analgesics have been prescribed for chronic pain. These drugs (morphine, hydrocodone, oxycodone, prescribed as MS Contin, OxyContin, Percocet, or Vicodin) are designed for short-term use and not for long-term treatment of chronic pain. If these opiate analgesics are used, it should be for short periods of time and/or combined with other medications in the lowest effective dose. One of the best ways we can keep our bodies limber is through regular exercise. Walking 30 minutes per day is recommended for able people of all ages. Physical therapy is another treatment modality to help strengthen muscles that support the back and to keep our extremities working and strengthened. Dr. McKenna is the medical director of McKenna Recovery Center
Health Literacy
by Rose Murtagh, MPH & Winifred Tamura-Lis, PhD
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he more you know more about your health, the better you are able to take care of yourself. If you have questions you want to ask your healthcare provider (HCP) or if you have trouble understanding everything your HCP tells you, here are a few suggestions to help your next appointment go smoothly. Plan ahead. Take time now to plan for your next appointment. Keep a written list of your questions/concerns about pain, medications, feeling better or worse or any problems with vision, balance, weakness, falls, appetite, bowel or bladder, sleep, stress or anything else. At every visit, the nurse who checks your blood pressure will ask about your medications. Therefore, make a list and include all prescriptions, vitamins, supplements, herbs and over-the-counter (OTC) medications, their strengths and doses; or simply bring your medication containers. All the information is on the labels. Make a note of anything you stopped taking, any new medications started since your last appointment and any problems or questions about your medications. During the visit. Listen carefully and take notes. To be sure you understand what your HCP said, try repeating it back to them in your own words. That way if you misunderstood, they can clarify the information. After the visit. Follow the advice of your HCP. When you understand everything the doctor or nurse tells you, you will be better able to take care of yourself. Don’t be afraid to ask questions! Write your questions and concerns to help you to remember them all. Rose Murtagh is the owner of Movin’ On 2 Wellness; Winifred Tamura-Lis is a former charge nurse of a long term care facility.
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Photo by Allen Stinson Send us your fish photos! Christine Bothmer holds a freshly caught aku in Haleiwa before sailing back across the channel to Kauai. Captain Allen Stinson reeled this one in off Kahuku, enroute from Kaneohe Bay. Aku, or skipjack tuna, makes a great sashimi and is also a good addition to cioppino. Send us your fish photos with a caption. See “Contact Elder Resource� on page 3.
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Cioppino Photo: Christine Bothmer
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irst created in San Francisco in the 1800s by Italian immigrants, this tomato based soup is loaded with seafood and easy to prepare with local options. For busy seniors & caregivers, this recipe uses marinara sauce from a jar as the base. For the best marinara, check the ingredients label to be sure real tomatoes are the first ingredient, rather than tomato puree or tomato paste. Fennel is available in the produce section and is an excellent source of vitamin C. Recipe by Lisa Martz
Ingredients:
Suggested Seafood (adjust by availability): • 6 Mussels, opihi, cracked crab legs/claws or clams • ¼ Lb Scallops • ½ Lb Ono or other firm, white fish cut into chunks • ½ Lb Shrimp
Instructions
• 2T Olive oil • (Optional) 1 Small fennel bulb, quartered, & sliced • 1 Qt of your favorite marinara sauce • ½ cup Red wine • ½ cup Clam juice or other broth • Pinch of crushed dried red pepper • Lemon wedges
• In a large pot heat olive oil and saute fennel until soft, about 5 minutes. • Add marinara sauce, red pepper, red wine & clam juice, simmer for about 10 minutes. • Turn heat down to a low simmer, add seafood and simmer until cooked through--about 5 - 10 minutes. • Makes 4 - 6 servings. • Ladle into bowls and serve with lemon wedges & french bread. • Don’t forget the extra napkins! www.elder-resource.org 19
Community Resources
Food Security
Need Help With Food Stamps? Call Child & Family Service Dory: Hale Hoomalu 821-2520 Momi at Nana’s House 338-0252 Hawaii Foodbank Kauai Branch Helping to feed Kauai’s hungry To find a food pantry near you call (808) 482-2224 or visit www.HawaiiFoodbank.org Kauai Independent Foodbank Kupaa Kokua Kupuna: a monthly service offering a variety of foods For seniors 60 years and older. Call 246-3809
Government Agencies
VA Rural Health Program Mon 10-2, Kilauea Christ Mem. Church Wed 930-130, Hanapepe U. Church of Christ Thur 930-130, Hanalei Hale Halawai; Fri 930-130 Kekaha Westside Christian Ctr; 246-0497 Support Groups Alzheimer’s Assn caregiver support groups, training, counseling. Call Humberto Blanco at 245-3200 Humberto.Blanco@alz.org
Caregiver Support Group Feeling overwhelmed as a caregiver? Group meets 2nd & 4th Thursdays 5:30-7pm at Kauai Hospice Call 245-7277 for info
Agency on Elderly Affairs Information on senior resources Linkages to appropriate agencies Community outreach (808) 241-4470
Parkinson’s Support Group Talk story & share ideas Last Tuesday of each month Regency at Puakea 5-630 pm Susan Storm 212-1250
DHS Adult Protective Services Information-Report on Adult Abuse/Neglect call 241-3337 humanservices.hawaii.gov
Think B.I.G. For persons with acquired brain & spinal cord injuries, family, caregivers 2nd Wednesdays, 430-630pm Kapaa Neighborhood Center
Volunteer Opportunities Habitat for Humanity Build homes, community & hope Volunteers of all abilities needed Call Jess at 335-0296 ext. 152 Foster Grandparent Program Help children learn in school Provide one-on-one tutoring 241-3355 Share the Care We help organize family, friends & resources into caring teams. Deborah Duda 332-7668
Elder Resource Magazine Activities
Long Term Care Ombudsman Protects the human & civil rights of long term care residents Executive Office on Aging 274-3141 ext. 60100
Legal Aid Free legal assistance for seniors Elder law, wills, power of attorney Call 808-245-4728
County Senior Centers Kilauea 828-1421; Kapaa 822-1931; Lihue 241-6858; Koloa 7421313; Kalaheo 332-9770; Hanapepe 335-3731; Kaumakani 335-5770; Waimea 338-1122; Kekaha 337-1671
US Dept of Agriculture Home repair grants for income qualified homeowners ages 62+ contact the USDA to see if you qualify (808) 245-9014
Seniors Law Program Educational seminars for your club or group by James Michael Ratcliffe Attorney at Law 246-8868
Kupuna Party 2nd Tuesday of each month 10:45-12 noon themed parties with bingo & healthy snacks call 826-6687 Princeville Community Center
Legal
Medeiros Family Reunion Sept 18, 19, 20, 2015 Let’s get all the descendents together. For more information to order your shirts & submit old photos for the reunion book contact Shirley Simbre-Medeiros at 645-0668 or Suzette Medeiros at 645-7006 ASAP! Community Resources is a benefit for the Kauai community. If you would like to list your agency’s free senior service, contact cbothmer@elder-resource.org. Entries may be rotated for space. 20
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Ask the Nurse Christine Bothmer, RN
A Grasp on Bathtub Safety Question:
How do I decide where to put the grab bars in the bathroom? My cousin installed some for my uncle but he doesn’t use them. I don’t want to make the same mistake on where I place them.
Answer:
Every bathing area is different, but here are some general guidelines: Place a bar vertically at the entrance to the tub or shower. A 2-foot long bar starting at 2.5 feet above the floor offers a wide enough range to be useful for a tall person who is standing as well as a person in a wheelchair. If you use a shorter grab bar, watch the person get into and out of the tub and see where they place their hand for balance; keep this in mind when selecting the location. Once in the shower/tub, it’s good to have a bar at the person’s side to steady themselves while showering or to help them sit or stand. A good compromise is to place it at an angle, with the lowest end near the seat. Again, have the person sit in the tub to help determine the best height for rising and sitting. Be sure the grab bar is for safety and not a towel bar, which is not as strong. Also be sure it is anchored properly. If you’re not sure about these things, check with a local medical supply company and a knowledgeable handyman. If you have a question for Ask the Nurse email it to cbothmer@elder-resource.org 22
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ble garden for many years and this and his fruit trees undoubtedly contributed to his longevity. Until about 5 years ago he walked at least two miles a day toward the Kilauea Lighthouse or Kahili beach. Nowadays we do seated tai chi. Today at almost 98, he remains alert, aware and continues to have a positive attitude. He greets every morning with a cheerful, “Good morning!” He does his own “activities of daily living,” transferring, eating, toileting, bathing, dressing and walking. He jokes & laughs and is patient when I do yard work and other chores around the house for him. As a caregiver, one needs to stay healthy and take time for oneself. Hobbies occupy spare hours. Siblings visit twice a year and assist with care, but help is also available from friends and support groups. Volunteering for local health organizations has been rewarding for me and several are very accommodating when Dad comes along. Attending workshops designed to assist our kupuna in maximizing their quality of life is a practical way to get valuable information. When I resigned from my job as a charge nurse to return to Kauai to care for Dad, my director of nursing said, “Your father is lucky to have you, and you him.” So true, as we learn from each other, laugh together, and appreciate every day. Caregiving can be very challenging, but also very rewarding! Winifred Tamura-Lis, PhD, MSN, CQT, BA, RNBC; is certified in gerontological nursing and worked as a charge nurse in a long term care facility. She is currently a fulltime caregiver for her father. Crossword Solution
Confessions of a Caregiver
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By Pam Woolway
e were in Macy’s. She had to use the bathroom “immediately” she said. This was pre-wheelchair, post dad-death and present day damage-control. What she meant to say was, “I’m right-this-minute peeing my pants.” in a car door so hard it exposed bone. Dad was away on a cycling tour so rather than head to the hospital, Mom taped gauze over it and then it was business as usual.
Contributed photo
I tied my sweater around her waist and when we arrived at the restroom all the stalls were occupied. When an able-bodied woman walked out of the Big Spacious Stall at the end, I saw myself in her eyes: Oblivious. No matter, it was too late anyway. This was the first time it occurred to me how often I slip into that particular stall in public places without considering who it’s really meant to serve. I relay this story not to shame anyone involved. It’s the memory that springs to mind when I consider the very bowels of my learning curve (pun intended), compared to what our days are like today: predictable and balanced. I think it took my sisters and I longer than most to mother our mother. So to suggest a panty liner, or more accurately, adult diapers, did not come naturally to the offspring of this fiercely independent woman who possessed a threshold for discomfort higher than average. Leave it to say: We did not get ahead of the ball. There’s a grey area, more accurately, a blindspot, when it comes to recognizing when our parents first begin to require intervention. Our mom is one tough mother. For instance, one time she slammed her finger
She was as reckless with her five children. Broken bones didn’t warrant a hospital visit unless they were compound fractures, otherwise you might end up on the couch with your arm in the plastic bubble the school nurse provided when you came off the playground with a double fracture. It’s not like I’m bitter; it just explains why I had to learn empathy later in life. The day of my double fracture, Dad returned from work, assessed the situation, and off we went to the Naval Hospital. Caroline Woolway didn’t raise a bunch of cry babies. We spit on pain. We mock sprains. And we don’t cut much slack for our loved ones either. When Mom first started to fail, my sisters and I were unprepared to nurture her. Eight years later, we are out of damage-control because we were forced to rearrange our lives in order to care for our mom and to dig deep for the sweeter, kinder sides of our collective selves. It wasn’t graceful. It definitely was not painless. But I promise you, I see who I am today because of caregiving, and I like who I see. For more on this subject visit the Resource Playground at ohanahomehealth.com, where I share helpful links, videos and research. Pam Woolway is Community Development Coordinator for `Ohana Home Health in Kalaheo. www.elder-resource.org
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