UNDERSTANDING Relationships
Your marriage – it isn’t Algebra 1…
According to the Parrotts, there are three hallBy Gary Moore marks of health and wholeness: (1) Profound signifiRemember back to your high school days. For cance; (2) Unswerving authenticity; (2) Self-giving some of us, that’s a long way back. Most of us love. Another way of saying it: (1) Getting right with took Algebra 1. And, one of the things we learned God (significance); (2) Getting right with yourself in Algebra 1 was that you can take two negatives, multiply them together and get a positive result. You (authenticity); (3) Getting right with others (love). remember: ( -2 X -1 = +2). Let me clarify a popularly held misconception: But that’s Algebra 1, not Relationship 1. You can’t being healthy is not the same as being happy. But take two unhealthy people and put them together you can’t be happy without being healthy. Emotional and get a healthy result. And yet, that’s exactly what health is more than the absence of dysfunctional many people try to do. Instead of realizing that the emotions. Healthy people contend with depression, best thing they can do for their relationship is to stress, anger, anxiety, and all the rest. But they don’t become whole themselves, they are looking for that let their feelings determine their destiny. They man“special someone” to “complete them.” Or, if they age their emotions. They don’t let their emotions are already married, they are looking to their spouse drive them. to be that person. Healthy people are far from perfect, but they are Not long ago I posted this question on my Mutual committed to being honest with themselves – to Gary Moore Understanding Method Facebook page: What’s the seeing themselves as they really are. They own their single most important thing you can do for your dark side, their ugly parts. Not content to accept their shortcomings relationship? Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott say, and I agree with them, and limitations, they move toward growth. They use their pain to get healthy. make progress, their hurts to heal. In their recently released book, “Healthy Me, Healthy Us,” which You may be single or married, young or old. You may live a many of these ideas are taken from, they make this statement: “If charmed life or suffer unthinkable challenges. Whatever your bagyou try to build intimacy with another before you have gotten whole gage or background, each moment of every day you are moving on your own, all your relationships become an attempt to complete yourself.” And guess what? These relationships will fall flat. Why? Be- either away from or toward the person God designed you to be. As a cause nobody was designed to complete you. Not a friend, colleague, result, either your inner self is deteriorating into something unattractfamily member, or even your soul mate. Nobody can do that work for ive or it is quietly becoming a work of art. You are either maximizing you. Nobody in your life is a shortcut to personal wholeness. your moments or allowing them to slip by without notice. You can solicit input (even from professional counselors), read, and As the Parrotts so succinctly put it, “No matter your age, stage, research the subject. But ultimately you are the one who must do faith, or career, all of us, if we choose, are on a journey of wholeness. the work on your own to become psychologically, emotionally, and It’s a process that never ends.” Enjoy the journey. spiritually whole. The reality is that your relationships can only be as Remember, your marriage relationship isn’t Algebra 1. n healthy as you are. If you want to have healthy relationships with other people, parGary Moore served as associate pastor at Cloverdale Church of God for 15 ticularly your spouse, you’ve got to be healthy yourself. Your relation- years. He does couples’ coaching and leads couples’ workshops and retreats called ships don’t necessarily need more skills, tips, or tactics – although MUM’s the Word. He does a weekly radio program called Life Point Plus on those do have their place. What your relationships need most is KBXL 94.1FM at 8:45 a.m. on Fridays. Monday mornings at 10 a.m. he does something deeper, something stronger, something that has more to live relationship teaching called MUM Live on his Facebook page Mutual Underdo with your being than your doing. Your relationships need emostanding Method. He may be contacted at glmoore113@gmail.com. tional health.
Homeskool By Samantha Tovalin
38 November / December 2020 | Christian Living
www.christianlivingmag.com
