Understanding Relationships

UNDERSTANDING Relationships ‘Normal’ is undergoing some changes

By Gary Moore

Normal. Now that’s an interesting concept. When your 401(k) becomes your 201(k), when you are no longer able to travel freely, go out to eat, go to a sporting event or a performing arts presentation, or even meet with fellow believers for corporate worship, things are not normal — no matter how you define it. However you have defined normal in the past, my guess is that you’ve been forced to struggle with redefining that term for your personal world and the world of your family.

And, when we have to redefine normal, that usually means we have to redefine who we are since a big part of our personal identity is tied to our definition of normal. This is not an easy thing to do, especially when we are forced to do it quickly.

A new level of stress and concern has entered our world — and not quietly. One of the things that stress does is reveal our foundational strengths and weaknesses and magnify them. This includes your marriage relationship as well as your spiritual relationship.

Every household has what I call a baseline stress level. This is the “normal” level of stress that we have learned how to live with and expect on a day-to-day basis. At this level of stress, we have learned how to cope and relate with our spouse and children. We know what everyone’s emotional buttons are at this level and we know what it takes to push them and what the responses will be.

We need to be aware of the new dynamic that happens when our family baseline stress level raises dramatically and there is no longer a recogniz- able normal. Now a simple word, gesture, or facial expression may put you or your spouse into an orbit that you don’t recognize. Remember, you’re both not only searching for normal, but also searching for your new personal identity.

If you haven’t done so yet, you need to have a conversation with your spouse about this very topic. You need to reaffirm your love and care for each other and also talk about how your household base- line stress level has changed. And, how your ability or inability to adapt and cope with this change may cause you to respond in atypical ways. You need to also talk about a signal (preferably humorous) that you can give one another when you recognize and experience an atypical response from either yourself or your spouse.

I also encourage you, if you don’t already do so, to have a time of daily devotions together. In a world that seemingly has lost it’s true North, it’s important for you and your spouse to make sure your compass has the true North (Jesus Christ). And, that your plans and personal interactions are based on that true North.

Discuss with each other some of God’s promises. There are over 8,000 in the Bible. From Genesis to Revelation we read of normal people, like you and me, that received the promises of God. Malachi 3:6 says, “For I the Lord do not change.” Continued on page 11