“I GET TO!”®
Declare independence for personal freedom By Joan Endicott “I could never have imagined this level of freedom and independence two years ago, Joan! I am so grateful, happy and at peace with my life right now.” My heart swelled while my eyes welled with tears listening to my client share his emotional summary of his biggest wins and blessings from our coaching over the two years prior. When I first started coaching him in 2018, although very “successful,” he felt trapped and tethered; traveling three out of four weeks per month to at least five countries, connecting to thousands of people in his organization—too many of which had his direct cell number so he felt like he was on-call 24/7. He was highly stressed mentally and emotionally, he didn’t sleep/rest near enough, he was overworked and overwhelmed. He so desperately wanted to change his life that he would put the tools and ideas into practice that I’d share with him immediately. Guess where I learned most of those valuable tools? Yep, HKU! Hard Knocks University. Quite sure I graduated with honors—possibly Magna Cum Laude. You see he was struggling with some of the exact challenges I experienced years prior in letting go of 1) what others think of me—and—of 2) what I am hoping to control for others. Here’s the deal, we may not call it control, because that doesn’t sound good. In fact, it sounds downright, well…controlling. LOL! J Personal freedom and independence lie in letting go of both!
Freedom – ability to act freely
A state in which a person is able to act and live as he or she chooses, without being subject to any undue restraints or restrictions.
Independence – freedom from control
Freedom from dependence on or control by another person, organization, or state. Remember me sharing that I’m a recovering approval addict? I confessed to having wasted too much time worried about what other people thought, being more concerned about another broken humans’ opinion rather than being completely connected to my Creator’s. Well, in addition to letting go of what other people think of you, if you want to experience personal freedom and independence, I’ve learned through HKU that you also need to let go of your expectations and desires for others—no matter how just, noble and hope-filled they are.
One of the most challenging areas in my life to do this was as a mama. If you’re a parent, you know, it’s the toughest job you’ll ever love. As our kids get older, letting go is harder. Why? Because we love them so deeply and desperately. But no matter who it is, if it’s someone you love, you want God’s best for them so if they’re accepting less than that, it can be excruciatingly difficult to let go. In the midst of some of my most agonizing letting go times in life, God gave me the gift of a perfectly timed and poignant dream that has served me and many others since. I dreamt I was running alongside a rushing river, shouting to my precious loved one, “I’m throwing the rope out. Grab the life preserver so I can help you!” My legs and arms were cut and bleeding from flailing through the brush and branches. Any other day I would have stopped long ago from the exhaustion but my loved one was in danger and she needed me, so I pushed myself to keep going and running and yelling: “Hurry! Grab the rope so I can rescue you! You’re in danger!” Finally, she grabbed it. I was so relieved and kept running to keep her in sight. But wait, what was she doing? She grabbed the ring and then…she looks like she’s throwing it back to me?! “No, no—you don’t understand. There’s danger ahead. Real danger. I’m here to help you. Please! Please grab it and hold on while I help pull you to safety.” I threw it again. She grabbed it! Great…but then she did the same thing. Now painfully pleading, “What are you doing? Please grab it and let me help you. There’s a waterfall ahead; I want to save you—I love you! I’m throwing it again…please…” As she was disappearing down the rushing river, I heard her say, “I don’t want you to save me. I don’t want to be rescued.” Friend, you cannot rescue someone who doesn’t want to be rescued. If you keep trying, that not only does not help them, you end up compromising your own health, wellness, and life purpose. I know this all too well! Rewind a few years. I’d been feeling extremely run down, exhausted and lethargic for long enough that I knew I needed to go to a doctor. The week prior, I had gone in for the blood work and tests he recommended so today was the day we’d find out the results. I was anxious to get answers for obvious personal reasons but also, on a professional level, it takes a lot of energy to do what I do and frankly, it’s not good advertising to even appear depressed, distressed, or dragging as a “motivational speaker.” He came in wearing his crisp white lab coat, name embroidered over the heart, stethoscope around his neck, holding a manila patient folder which I knew held my test results. I was so ready to hear some good news! After the initial greetings, I said, “Bring it on, Doc! What
Homeskool By Samantha Tovalin
10 July / August 2020 | Christian Living
www.christianlivingmag.com
