Ashley Sears
Her own personal story ‘unveiled’ By Sandy Jones Publisher’s note: When Mark Arenas from the Boise Harvest Team introduced me to Ashley Sears, I knew her story had to be remarkable – I had no clue just how much so. Ashley’s story is one of two. In this issue, both Ashley and her husband Asher share their own stories about how the hopelessness of pornography addiction nearly ruined their marriage...until they found hope and help. “I was reading something several years ago by @ jenniesallen. She says, “What if the very darkest moments of your life, God intended for good... for saving lives?!” Think about that. What if the hardest seasons, the lowest times in your life, God wants to use to bring light and healing to someone else? Would it be worth it?” – Ashley Sears’ post on the Stories:Unveiled Facebook page Ashley Sears doesn’t look like anybody’s victim. Smart, strong, courageous – a true leader – that’s what people see when they meet her. Growing up in an active church family, Ashley’s parents divorced when she was 14. Ashley asked if she could live full time with her mom; the courts in Southern California consented. Two years later, before there was online dating, her mom met a Christian gentleman in an AOL chatroom; they married months later. The family moved to Northern California. Ashley, now 17, learned that she had been conceived through artificial insemination, and her “dad” was not her biological father. Although relieved from the guilt of not having connected to him, she was left feeling a little betrayed. Ashley: “It was a good thing and actually propelled me into a deeper relationship with Mom’s new husband,” who adopted her at 21. Ashley’s family moved to a small town south of Reno, Nevada. Her parents found a wonderful church; sadly, Ashley never felt like she fit in with the high school group at the church. Never angry at God, and not intentionally leaving ‘the church,’ once Ashley was off to college and dorm living, she started working weekends, “partying and making new friends.” Eventually, Ashley and her best friend moved into a house, where she was raped by a “good friend,” and soon found herself the target of a serial stalker, who ultimately went to prison for two counts of stalking. “I had just come off of being assaulted by a friend and was literally in the middle of the trial with the stalker when I met Asher (her husband). I’m not sure why he didn’t turn and walk away. But he came with me to the Victim Impact Statement and walked through all of that with me.” Asher Sears was divorced with a 5-year-old son. Ashley knew from the beginning that Asher was not a Christian. He was good with the fact that her family was, telling her, “As long as they don’t try and convert me, or Bible thump me...”
“We fell hard, and we fell fast,” Ashley said. “After two months of dating I moved in, and 8 months later I got pregnant. We found out on a Friday, told my parents on Monday, and the following Friday we were married in a Reno chapel with our families present.” Soon they fell into a Sunday routine. They would meet Ashley’s parents at their home after her parents got out of church – the ladies in the kitchen catching up and making lunch, while the guys went out to the hot tub. Both a recovering addict and alcoholic, Ashley’s dad has “a lot of real fun stories.” He was able to keep his stories genuine, while sharing how God had brought him through those times. He’s nonjudgmental and easy for Asher to talk to about his own past and struggles. It was after one of these Sunday dinners that Asher asked Ashley what she thought about checking out her parents’ church. He’d been told they had great music there. As a music major, this was probably the best way to get Asher’s attention. The three Sears visited the following Sunday and the next, and on the third Sunday Asher accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior and was baptized. The couple decided then they would raise their family in ‘the church.’ When their daughter was 2, a fashion show of sorts came on TV. Ashley, self-conscious of her post-baby body and not wanting their daughter to watch it, asked if they could change the channel. She was surprised when Asher said, “No.” This lead to an argument, which lead to an even bigger discussion. It was then that Ashley learned Asher had a pornography addiction. This was the beginning of what would be a 10-year struggle. Ashley explains, “I don’t care what your faith is, that’s not ever anything you want to deal with in your marriage. We were very up and down. I would find out; I would get mad; he would say he would do better, and he would or wouldn’t for a certain amount of time, and then it would just be back. “To say that I didn’t want to stay a lot of the time would be pretty honest. I didn’t know if I could do this. I didn’t want to raise our children this way, and at this point, we had two more children, both boys.” Several years into their marriage the Sears moved to Idaho, something they both agree was a real blessing. However, their marriage was still on the rocks. They’d been to counseling. Asher had been to recovery groups. Nothing seemed to work for long. They were “white knuckling it” until they found a “phenomenal” counselor, and Ashley learned things about Asher’s addiction, making it possible to move forward. She thought they were in a really good place. Continued on page 18
16 September / October 2020 | Christian Living
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