CinCinnati
July /august 2015
Love Wins ! The Wedding Issue
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table of contents PUBLISHER Michael A. Monks Editor - in-chief Chuck Beatty MANAGING Editor Jerod Theobald CREATIVE DIRECTOR Chad Turner
CONTRIBUTORs Rob Bucher, Michael Chanak, Ron Clemons, Sean Howley, Christian Johnson, Nate Moster, James Reynolds, Bree Singler, Shannon Smith, Jason Wiff NATIONAL ADVERTISING Rivendell Media-908.232.2021 Sales Chuck Beatty-513.813.8246 Cover photo: Glenn Tatman-TatmanPhotography.com
www.unitemag.com/cincinnati unitecinci @unitecinci unitecinci
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FEATURE CODY AND CHRISTIAN
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COMMUNITY UNITE NEWS JOIN THE HARVINATION EFFORT THE CIS JUNGLE HAVE A GAY DAY
12 13 26
BUSINESS THE ART OF CUSTOMER SERVICE LGBT BUSINESS DIRECTORY
6 28
DIY GOING TO THE GAY CHAPEL
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HEALTH & FITNESS FIT FOR LIFE: FIND YOUR SUMMER ADVENTURE
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STYLE GET OVER THE GOWN
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A&E THEATER LISTINGS LIMITED PARTNERSHIP THE VALLEY
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Letter From The
Publisher
at Northern Kentucky, recently took to the dance floor with his new husband, and I had the great fortune of seeing that, too. So did a lot of our fraternity brothers, the grooms’ families and friends. And when that song ended and the couple embraced, inside this iconic hall in our hometown, everyone in the room applauded just as they would have any of the straight couples there. Because what’s the difference? Love is love, and love wins. Love always wins.
Down, down, do your dance, do your dance
For many reasons, the love between some has to fight harder, but it always wins, eventually.
I recently found myself in a small crowd of couples at Arthur Murray Dance Studio in Cincinnati, lingering along a wall, watching these people learn how to do The Cupid Shuffle, that American line dance staple of every cousin’s wedding ever.
Everyone deserves the right to love and to be loved, and to be married, and to be led to the dance floor and spun and lifted off your feet by arms or by a moment. And to have a wedding reception where your cousins do The Cupid Shuffle.
The instructor, clad in western wear because this was a party night Friday at the studio, lovingly barked the instructions, echoing Cupid’s commands.
After all, as a wise hip hop artist once said, Down, down, do your dance, do your dance.
To the right/To the right/To the right/To the right
Michael Monks is the publisher of UNiTE Cincinnati.
The couples were obedient and enthusiastic, if imperfect in the feet. They laughed at each other and clapped with each other. They blushed, they encouraged. To the left/To the left/To the left/To the left They held hands and twirled and experimented. They kicked (Now Kick/Now Kick/Now Kick/Now Kick) and ultimately, per the song’s instructions, walked it by themselves (walked it by themselves). They danced. Then the lesson ended and the instructors called for showcases where some of the couples would show off the dance they had been learning at private lessons. As everyone else joined me along the wall surrounding the dance floor, two ladies joined hands and led one another to the center. Their wedding was approaching, one of the instructors (dressed as Kenny Rogers) told us, and this would be their First Dance at the reception. The music, a slow tempo love song, started and the pair floated around the mirrored room and everyone watched quietly, smiling. I’m sure the moment wasn’t lost on any of us that these soon-to-be newlyweds are both women and their very attempt to promise each other forever was a legal question before the United States Supreme Court. It also wasn’t lost on us that this was more than watching two women dancing. This was love, and when the showcase ended in a graceful hug and a proud embrace, everyone in the room applauded just as they would have any of the straight couples there. Because what’s the difference? Love is love, and love wins. Love always wins. A longtime friend of mine, a fraternity brother from our time
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Unite News Mama once said by Michael "Goose" Chanak
Unite CinCinnati
My Mama always says to me, “Be careful of what you wish for, it might come true.” For once in my life, I am hoping she’s right. The other question some might have is what in the goddess’s name does “wedding and marriages” know of the Goose? So, okay, I don’t have a mate, partner, spouse or even a “boyfriend”. But I see the marriage equality struggle not so much through a personal lens, but its broad implication of progress. I don’t feel I need a husband or the “lead activist/ group of the moment” to feel pride in the promise of marriage equality. For me and others, it reflects years of struggles, half steps forwards, and a quarter back or sideways, but always forward. We have been part of this grand effort. When I see friends now serving openly in the Armed Forces with their partner in full embrace, I say good for them and good for us. I see the work my generation and those whose shoulders we all stand on that made these events possible. Ever wonder how or why certain governors of some great states so oppose marriage yet claim this or that state is open to business? I always did. After all, imagine the market for all those little expensive things that go with marriage, including divorce attorneys. It doesn’t end with marriage anyway. There will still be plenty of work ahead in housing, employment protections, etc. for all of us. So, to me, marriage is just another step along the journey of full equality for all of us. Let us not forget our Trans brothers and sisters that will need our support in their journey for equality. Meantime, I feel love in the air. Who knows, maybe even Goose can catch that bouquet?
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I'ze Married Now
by Ron Clemons
Unite CinCinnati The Color Purple is one of my favorite movies. Not only does it have a stellar cast and script, it also contains the timeless message of “love wins”. There is a scene in the movie where the honky-tonk singer, Shug Avery, comes running up to her estranged, minister father who shunned her for walking away from the church and becoming a bar singer. As she is running towards him, she has her left arm outstretched, waving her ring finger in her father’s face, and says, I’ze married now, see, I’ze married now”. He stared icily ahead without a glimmer of acknowledgement about his daughter’s news. Her hope was that somehow, being married would melt the wall of ice between them and she would once again become daddy’s little girl. She believed that by getting married, he would automatically change his mind and see her as a good woman. She married a man she didn’t love but thought that by getting married, it would somehow change her status from unacceptable to acceptable. With the current campaign for marriage equality, I sometimes wonder if part of our emotional fuel getting through this struggle isn’t the same as Ms. Avery’s. Somehow, by virtue of the blessing of SCOTUS, we will be granted admission to the country club and gain access to full rights and all privileges and we’ll feel better about ourselves. Don’t get me wrong, I do firmly believe that as tax paying citizens, we are entitled to enjoy the same rights and privileges as everyone else. The right to marry whom we choose is basic in that belief. As a therapist, I had the vantage point of observing how couples tended to view marriage both collectively and individually. While it typically was a crisis that brought couples in to my office, once the immediacy of the drama abated, people were able to look at some of the core issues that led up to the crisis. While there were many recurring themes with the couples I saw in my practice, there were three that were pretty consistent. First, money and economics. Second, was lack of respect. The third, and by far the largest, the rage over how the marriage or partner didn’t follow the ideal about what marriage and or a spouse is supposed to be. Whenever I would ask about who set the standard about what marriage and spouses are supposed to be, the common answer was based on religious teachings. I always found that
somewhat amusing in that we are living in the 21st century, but our beliefs about marriage are based on books and teachings from a culture that existed thousands of years ago and on a culture that was very different than the one we live in. However, these couples were bent on making the ideal of the marriage work rather than looking at what works for the two individuals that were involved in the marriage.
tections. Nothing more, nothing less. It is the quality of the dynamic between the people involved that truly determines the success of the marriage. Be kind, be compassionate, be patient, be forgiving and above all, be authentic. It isn’t up to SCOTUS to make that determination. That is entirely up to you.
With the rate of divorce hovering around the range of 5055%, it would seem the standard is more impossible than it is practical. Even the non-married couples found themselves in the same conundrum. They couldn’t live up to the ideal standard, felt like they were failures and as a result, began to take their frustrations out on one another. I don’t think it will be any different for the members of the LGBTQA community. We all grew up in the same culture and our perceptions about what marriage is supposed to do and be are based on a formula with a 50+% failure rate. This doesn’t mean that marriage is a bad thing. In addition to the legal and economic benefits, having someone to build a life with is a wonderful thing. However, it would appear that how we approach marriage and live within marriages are key questions to ask ourselves prior to making the commitment. If you do decide that marriage is the right choice for you, I encourage you to sit down and talk about more than the color arrangements and caterer for your ceremony. As your relationship moves towards marriage, sit and talk with your intended and create a dynamic within your marriage that works for the two people involved because nothing else matters. Marriage won’t improve your status in the community, it won’t make sex better nor will it make loneliness magically disappear. The truth is, getting married gives you legal pro-
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Business
The Art of Customer Service
by Shannon C. Smith, Esq
Unite CinCinnati
I find myself writing this article after terrible experiences with customer service. Although hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, I have stifled my desire to publicly admonish these companies (you’re welcome, Voldemorts) because mistakes happen and companies have bad days. The problem is that lately, it has seemed A LOT of companies are having A LOT of bad days. It seems customer service is no longer a priority. The extra effort and expense of customer service may be tough to reconcile because it is difficult for a business to quantify the impact it has on the bottom line, but the bottom line is without question positively impacted. Despite the positive impact, the question remains are the expense and effort justified? In short, yes! The Struggle is Real The struggle with customer service is more prevalent today because we are in a world where instant gratification and technology are highly valued. Technology negates the need for personal interaction and efficiency limits the time for it. Technology not only reduces personal interaction but increases competition, allowing a customer infinite options. “The world at their fingertips.” (Note: Technology is not all bad – it is an excellent opportunity for those that know how to harness its power and service its issues). These barriers disrupt the development of a topic which was at the epicenter of my previous article: the necessity of building a relationship with customers. The easy part is to recognize the importance of efficiency, technology, and customer relations. The difficult task is reconciling the above with the need for excellent customer service – and there is a need, indeed! Although there are several factors that determine the success of a company, customer service is certainly one of the most important. Customer service increases repeat customers, creates a good business reputation, increases employee morale, and combats higher prices. (According to CEO Colin Shaw, 55% of Customers will pay more for better customer service. How much more? American Express’s Global Customer Service barometer suggests approximately 13%!) As a business owner, customer service is a priority of mine, but these companies- who-must-not-be-named further opened my eyes to how largely lost this art was. I was in disbelief at the repeated negative experiences. I had a company drop furniture
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on the sidewalk in front of my office (which is located on a busy street) where no one was there to receive it and no call or apology was made. I paid extra for a company to deliver heavy materials to particular floors and they delivered them to the wrong floors and tried to charge me fees to correct their mistake (which they acknowledged). At least two companies set a meeting with me and never showed up. Another company began work on a project six months late, and the list goes on. Most of these errors were corrected but I’m not sure they would have been had I not been an attorney. I never put that hat on unless I have to and unfortunately, I had to. Although being an attorney has its advantages, from a business perspective it comes with its disadvantages and one of the greatest of those is this: notoriously poor customer service. I’ve heard my fair share of attorney jokes and heard the laundry list of why people hate attorneys: dishonest, uncaring, snobby, heartless, etc. With so many legal options today and so many negative perceptions I knew for my business (and really the legal field) to thrive there needed to be a separation from that perception. It is this logic from which my Office slogan was created. We would be Client Focused. Results Driven. Channeling My Inner Archeologist Equipped with a catchy slogan and the desire to distance myself from that laundry list, I began the excavation of customer service and attempted to unearth and learn everything about this lost art. I did not possess the traits of the above hated attorney but I wanted it to be shown in my practice and wanted to see the impact customer service would have on my business. I could not measure directly the impact, but I saw it. My business grew primarily from repeat customers and word of mouth. (Remember above the specific indicators of quality I knew there had to be evidence somewhere demonstrating a numerical correlation between the two and I soon found it.) Consider the following: In 2014, USA Today published a study in which 1500 customers were polled regarding their experience with over 150 of America’s best known companies across several industries.
The number one company? Amazon. This customer centric company is doing something right as they have tripled their sales over the last few years. Not only is Amazon number one in customer service, according to Business Insider, Amazon owns 10 percent of North American E-Commerce. This 10 percent matches that owned by Office Depot, Staples, Apple, Dell, WalMart, Sears and Liberty combined. Coincidence? I think not.
expressed needs. Empower your employees to do the same. Consider this: the most highly rated company in terms of customer service, Amazon, is also one of the most highly rated companies in terms of employee satisfaction. The environment where employees feel empowered and valued is an environment which will promote high morale - that translates into a great customer experience.
(Sidenote: The USA Today Customer Service Hall of Fame had little to no tech companies on the list. What is the highest rated tech based companies in customer service? Apple; the world’s most valuable company. So all you techy companies consider the digital needs your customers may have in order to be a cut above the rest. I’m looking at you Uptech grads!) So, whether you are starting a law practice or a lawn mowing company know customer service drives financial success. With that in mind, and with my experience running businesses, I compiled the below tips to help efforts to become ‘customer centric’. 1. Set Expectations. Let customers know up front possible outcomes. Be realistic and do not set a bar that will ultimately result in a face plant. Set a goal that can be cleared and anything better is icing on the cake. There is always the possibility you do not meet expectations, so be prepared to address undesired outcomes and do not be afraid to apologize for an error and correct it! 2. Celebrate Customer Success. Listen to what a client wants and get it for them. Sounds simple so it is hard to understand how so many get it wrong. I would venture to say it is one of the two l’s: not listening or lazy. “God gave us two ears and one mouth, so we should listen twice as much as we speak.” Listen to what the customer wants, make their success (desire) your priority, and your bottom line will grow. 3. Be Memorable. Providing memorable customer service could be an article all its own. At the core of memorable service is a personal connection. Realize what your customer wants, produce it, then go beyond that to meet an unexpressed need. Think hot, fresh, coffee every day in the lobby at the Hilton or those chocolate chip cookies they bake in the evenings. Neither were requested, but more importantly, neither were forgotten. 4. Don’t be a robot. (DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER) Be Flexible. Answer unusual requests with how instead of yes or no. If it causes you an inconvenience, you are probably providing excellent service. Remember, if you do not do it - it is likely your competitor will. 5. Take ownerhip and empower employees. Make customer problems your problem. Meet their un-
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Health & Fitness
Fit For Life: Find YOUR Summer Adventure How long has it been since you went on an adventure? A month? A year? Decades ago? When we were children, our whole lives were part of a grand adventure. In fact, our sole focus and desire in life often revolved around playing. As kids, to “play” is in our very DNA. We are wired to run, jump, crawl, and climb. There seems to be a natural affinity for kids to explore, to get dirty, and to be downright fearless. Then somewhere along the way, we grow up and become sudden victims to the unwritten code telling us that being a “grown up” and “playing” cannot coexist. I don’t know who made that rule, but it’s a stupid rule and I have a bone to pick with them. I firmly believe that when we stop playing, we start not only aging, but aging exponentially (I’m talking physically, mentally, the whole gamut of it). Finding time to play, no matter your age, is important. I found my summer adventure last month when I participated in my first ever Spartan Race® with a team of clients and friends. Quickly growing in popularity, obstacle course races (sometimes referred to as OCRs) appeal to a wide range of ages and fitness levels. Everyone from elite athletes and weekend warriors to those just looking for a reason to get up off the couch seem to be following the hype, but what is the appeal of these obstacle course races and mud runs? One of the main draws is that there really seems to be something for everybody. Races range in length and difficulty which allow every fitness level to be adequately challenged. A healthy dose of competition attracts athletes of many disciplines from cross-fitters to marathon runners. The teamwork and camaraderie combined with a chance to push myself training for a specific event is what pulled me in. OCRs are putting play back into people’s lives and if you ask me, that is a VERY good thing. What if obstacle course races or mud runs just simply aren’t your thing? That’s okay! If the idea of climbing over cargo nets, carrying sandbags through a mud pit or crawling under barbed wire doesn’t tickle your fancy, then I encourage you to go out and find your own adventure. If you like being out on the water, buy a kayak! If you have a need for speed and love being in the great outdoors, go mountain biking! If you cannot stand being outdoors, look into indoor climbing! Whatever your passion may be - hiking, swimming, rock climbing,
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by Bree Singler, CTP Unite CinCinnati
free running, roller derby - go out and attack it. Relentlessly. After all, one of the most awesome benefits to being healthy and fit is the ability to go out and live your life to the very fullest. *As with any type of exercise program, it is important to consult with your doctor before you begin training for an Obstacle Course Race, mud run, or other extreme activities.
www.unwindhydepark.com
3435 Michigan Ave, Cincinnati, OH 45208
513.321.9463
Voted Best Happy Hour in the City 50 wines by the glass open 7 days a week
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Community
Join the Harvination EfforT by James Reynolds Unite CinCinnati
Up until March 2015, the word “Harvination” was synonymous with great energy, undeniably well-laid danceable beats, and a group of great people assembled wherever the mohawk donning DJ was doing her thing. After her diagnosis of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), however, “Harvination” morphed into a far more complex version of its former self. The people are still using music to unite and the energy is still on high, but time with Harv is not just about letting go anymore. Along with hundreds of friends and fans, she is making the rest of her time as a fully-functioning person about raising money and awareness so nobody else has to go through a diagnosis of ALS with the minimal medical advancements made to date. Harv has a dedicated fan base and keeps them informed and motivated via her website (harvination.com). This is part of her story and vision, taken from that same website:
she was going through both mentally and physically. “Having muscles spasms every day till you are paralyzed for your predicted new life span of about 800 days is pretty much a bummer. But the face cramp I just had felt like being punched by 6 Mike Tysons and having a broken jaw. It was like feeling the pain of every person who has ever had or has ALS and the pain of everyone that hurt for them all at once. Sad truth. It was the first of many. This is why we stand up and make a difference to fight this disease! I will continue to say this until I can’t, this
“Harv was diagnosed with ALS, Lou Gehrig’s Disease, on March 11, 2015. That was the day “Sh*t got real”. And on that day began an epic journey like none other. Harv is loved by a lot of people, and keeping up with all of them using the various devices and social media accounts will be taxing on her as this thing progresses. So this website is setup as a way for Harv to communicate with the countless people who love her. This site also exists to help Harv and all of those stricken with ALS. Use this to raise awareness. Share the things we post on treatments and medical breakthroughs and research. Share this site and Harv’s story with those more powerful or more connected than you (Ellen DeGeneres, are you listening?) so that we can help Harv, share love and support, help change legislation to approve new drugs for ALS patients, and raise funding to help those going through life with this crappy disease. And donate. Let’s get real, insurance will only cover so much. Help out in any way you can. It adds up fast and you can help more than you know.” The words crafted by Harv are undoubtedly the most moving though to describe both what she is going through and how she views the situation she has found herself in. After processing, Harv came out with an honest and very real account of what
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disease could grab any of us. Find a way to fight and bring treatments and a cure! NOT JUST FOR ME...FOR THE FUTURE OF YOUR LOVED ONES. Who could get picked for this next in your world a niece or nephew, a sister or brother, your child, your husband or wife, your best friend, or YOU?” “There is no cure for the disease that takes a big piece of me each day I have left to rule this damn world! The medical field has only come as far as to help make life a little more comfortable with sleeping aids and muscle relaxers, better powered wheelchairs (though the tank chair is not covered through insurance), technology to help me continue to communicate down the line.
But....since there is no answer I am free to choose my own path of dealing with it, I chose LIVING REALLY FU**IN HARD, eating lots of fruits and veggies (as well as donuts, ice creams, and steaks medium rare), I WHOLEHEARTEDLY BELIEVE that the only results I have had to ease the pains (mentally and physically) have been through music. Being a lifelong junkie addict of music, I am faithful you cannot overdose on this and therefore take in an average of 80-200 filthy nasty beats, or super smooth lyrical freestyles or belted out vocals per day. I find that I am more likely to move and smile once these have kicked in, and also when a tune reminds me of someone I love, I go directly to my massage bed and stretch during that song in their honor and reflect on how thankful I am for that person and hope we get to dance together soon (even if my feet don’t work...I still dance...KNOW THAT)! So once again, this is the public Spotify playlist I add to on the regular (“HarvCore” on Spotify).” Now, how about you look at the events link on Harvination.com and go see for yourself what this amazing person is doing with the cards she has been dealt. The only warning worth offering is this: do not expect to find a somber tone anywhere near her events. All in attendance are expected to help Harv keep that energy flowing and create some amazing memories as they spread the word about and help fund research for ALS. Want to donate? Visit http://www.gofundme.com/harvination.
The Cis Jungle by Christian Jackson Unite CinCinnati In March of 2014, a new identity was born unto me through the aid of education, language and resources. I was a trans woman of color, always had been, but I didn’t have the language or resources to understand this identity. One year later in March of 2015, The Cis Jungle was born. My blog is a creation of my mind, words, and hands. The Cis Jungle’s tagline, “It’s a cis world and girls like us live in it”, refers to the world that we as trans people live in. Trans people navigate a world that has not been developed with their identities in mind. The blog covers a multitude of topics that explore and focus around identity and extracting the parallels between cis and trans identities. In The Cis Jungle, I explore my truth and discuss the systematic oppressions reflected in the lives of trans people and specifically speaking from my own life and personal experience as a trans woman of color. As the layers of The Cis Jungle continue to unfold and expand, there will be a continuance of guest writers who share their experiences and write about topics that focus on physically transitioning as well as a list of medical, mental health, and self-care resources You can find The Cis Jungle at Thecisjungle.wordpress.com and on social media using the hashtag #cisjungle.
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Feature
Cody & Christian
by Jason Wiff Unite CinCinnati
Marriage: noun
lead into their plans for their big day.
1. (broadly) any of the diverse forms of interpersonal union established in various parts of the world to form a familial bond that is recognized legally, religiously, or socially, granting the participating partners mutual conjugal rights and responsibilities.
“We are having our ceremony and reception at the beautiful Wiedemann Hill Mansion in Newport overlooking our favorite view of the city skyline followed by a honeymoon in San Francisco and Napa Valley. Donna and her husband Roger who run Wiedemann have been nothing but accepting, helpful and completely supportive,” adds Gausvik.
By definition marriage sounds like a typical contract between two entities, a business deal covering multiple “adult” institutions. I believe this definition to be a cold, senseless idea of a wider concept. Sitting across from me at a long, low mahogany table, Cody Roberts and Christian Gausvik tell me about their engagement and upcoming marriage. The never ending smiles and glances at one another tell of another definition of marriage that Webster’s Dictionary and half of the United States seems to ignore – love. Cody, a native of Taylor Mill, is a University of Cincinnati graduate in operations management and Christian is from Fort Thomas, and a student at UC College of Medicine. The two met thanks to the help of a few friends and overlapping social circles one night at Unwind Wine Bar just outside the Hyde Park Square in 2013. Three hours of conversation, nervous glances and a few glasses of Riesling later they had planned their next few dates. Dates turned into dating and on their first anniversary, February 8, 2014, Christian popped the question. “I proposed to Cody at Unwind. I had planned ahead and had a wine bottle label made with ‘Cody, will you marry me?’ on it. I had it put on our favorite bottle of Riesling and coordinated with Darrick the owner of Unwind to have the bottle delivered when we ordered. From there, we went to Sotto downtown. I had made up a bouquet of roses and Calla lilies and had them at the restaurant before we got there. We had dinner as an engaged couple and headed home. At home, I had made him a video of our year together and we watched it together.” With the excitement of engagement fresh on their faces they
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Cincinnati has always been known for its conservative nature - a beacon of “proper living” for the Right Wing. In recent years, this time-honored cloud of conservative nature has dissipated. Cincinnati has gone from a model of what not to do to your LGBTQ community to being the model of how to accept and honor this community. While marriage in Ohio is still seen as one man/one woman, it is inspiring to see this young couple take steps toward their own definition of happiness, regardless of whether or not it is accepted in the eyes of the government. “Marriage is such a common word in our political sphere today and I think it kind of distracts people from what this is really about. Yes there is a legal fight – and we’ll see how that turns out perhaps before this issue comes out – but there’s more to it than that. Our marriage was and is happening no matter what government has to say about it.” Cody and Christian are the next step in the evolution of our community; the take-charge attitude that says, “This is how I am going to live my life: happily ever after.” The two were married at the 60-seat Weidemann Hill Mansion on June 14th before heading off on their honeymoon. Then, it’s back to Cincinnati where they plan on moving from East Walnut Hills to Hyde Park and starting their family. Politics aside, definitions aside, and cultural norms aside, these two are doing exactly what generations of LGBTQ people have wished they could do but have lived in fear of the consequences. Love, in any form deserves recognition and praise.
No one is asking permission for marriage. Because real love needs no permission.
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Walters
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Style
Get Over the Gown by Becky Haltermon
Unite CinCinnati
smack of antiquated gentility and I love the way they elevate an ensemble. Perfect for a big day.
I have been known to publicly announce that weddings are dumb. My sister was wed a couple years back and while I lectured her on the evils of the diamond industry and the untenable imbecility of thousand-dollar parties like the cold-hearted harpy that I am, she coolly and quietly planned her matrimonial masterpiece. And while I enjoy belittling the unfounded and often idiotic traditions that wrap even the most modest of social gatherings, I was forced to admit that her marriage did occur during what was decidedly a damn good time. Her wedding was really a reflection of her personality. The traditions that she chose to follow or flout or invent conformed to the image she had created of her own future. What makes wedding dumb? Feeling like you have to follow the same steps of matrimonial monotony that everyone else does. Love exists in all varieties. Shouldn’t our celebrations of love be just as varied? With that in mind, here are some of my favorite ways to innovate on the special day: -
Matrimonial millinery. Oh boy, do I love me some hats. Brides (and grooms, too, I guess) of all types can skip the stuffy veil and instead indulge in a masculine boater (an easy way to be fancy without being frilly) or a fabulous derby-style flowered monstrosity (EMBRACE THE FRILL).
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Casual coupling. I don’t care what you say, the most powerfully attractive attire is that in which you feel fabulous. So, why not wear a simple white button-up shirt? It looks fantastic on all variety of humans and it belies a confidence that is just as sexy as any bosom-bearing ball gown.
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I’m just going to leave this here: vests. They are awesome. I have a 70s nipped-in number that makes me feel like a natural woman, but I’ve also indulged in a boy’s pinstripe vest when I feel like being manly. Vests
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I’ve been told that it’s tacky for same sex couples to wear the same thing, but frankly I love it when couples of any persuasion dress alike. A duo adorned in duds that make them look like a pair of mid-century salt and pepper shakers? Swoon. Complimentary color palettes, echoed accessories or similar silhouettes, I adore any configuration that visually identifies you as half of a partnership. So what if your wear isn’t the usual wedding garb? When you match your lover, you don’t need to match expectations.
And what, you may query, would I wear if ever wed? Actually, I’m going to wear my mom’s wedding dress. It may be the “traditional” choice, but I love it. And that is what a wedding is all about.
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A&E
Theater listings by Rob Bucher
Unite CinCinnati
CINCINNATI ● 1776 This musical follows four founding fathers as they attempt to convince the members of the second Continental Congress to vote for independence from the shackles of the British monarchy. July 8-26. Warsaw Federal Incline Theatre. www.cincinnatilandmarkproductions.com ● 9 TO 5 THE MUSICAL Pushed to the boiling point, three female co-workers concoct a plan to get even with the sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot they call their boss. In a hilarious turn of events, Violet, Judy and Doralee live out their wildest fantasy - giving their boss the boot! August 12-30. Warsaw Federal Incline Theatre. www.cincinnatilandmarkproductions.com ● THE COMPLETE HISTORY OF AMERICAN (ABRIDGED) The brilliant (and deranged) minds of Reduced Shakespeare Company have done it again. This time reducing centuries of American history into one madcap evening of theater. Three actors take you on a whirlwind historical tour. July 24-August 15. Cincinnati Shakespeare Company. www.cincyshakes.com ● HUNDRED DAYS The fierce, triumphant story of a young couple who fall in love, only to have their time together cut short by a fatal illness. They decide to try and live the 100 days they have left together as though it were the 60 years they had imagined July 24-August 22. Know Theatre of Cincinnati. www.knowtheatre.com ● QCQTC TBA The Queen City Queer Theatre Collective seeks to be a safe space for LGBTQ stories and conversation. Upcoming readings to be announced. July 13 and August 10. www.facebook.com/qcqtccincinnati DAYTON ● THE BOOK OF MORMON This outrageous musical comedy follows the misadventures of a mismatched pair of missionaries, sent halfway across the world to spread the Good Word. August 18-23. Victoria Theatre Association. www.victoriatheatre.com
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LEXINGTON ● 42ND STREET Plucky Peggy Sawyer tries to make it big on Broadway in this splashy, tap-happy show. July 23-26. The Lexington Theatre Company. www.lexingtontheatrecompany.org LOUISVILLE ● OTHER DESERT CITIES Brooke Wyeth returns home to Palm Springs after a six year absence to celebrate Christmas with her family. Brooke announces that she is about to publish a memoir dredging up a tragic event in the family’s history - a wound they don’t want reopened. July 23-August 2. The Bard’s Town Theatre. www.thebardstown.com NORTHERN KENTUCKY ● THE 25TH ANNUAL PUTNAM COUNTY SPELLING BEE An eclectic group of kids vie for the ultimate spelling trophy and along the way we learn their hopes and the humorous stories of their lives. A hilarious and warmhearted musical tale of overachievers’ angst. Includes dinner. July 8-26. Commonwealth Theatre Company. www.nku.edu/~theatre ● THE ADDAMS FAMILY A creepy and kooky musical love story. Wednesday Addams is all grown up and falls in love with a normal young man from a respectable family. Chaos ensues as the Addams Family tries to host a normal dinner for the young man’s family. July 10-26. Kincaid Regional Theatre. www.krtshow.com ● COMPANY Robert is single, but all of his friends are married. On his 35th birthday, they surprise him with a cake and a birthday wish that will leave him pondering the life he’s chosen. Full of lively, idiosyncratic characters and some of Sondheim’s best known songs. August 15-30. The Carnegie. www.thecarnegie.com
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A&E
Limited Partnership by Sean Howley
Unite CinCinnati
In 1975, a clerk in Boulder Colorado didn’t see any reason to not alter marriage license forms to reflect same sex couples because love is love right? Forty years later, the crusade for full U.S. marriage equality is almost at a victorious end. The film Limited Partnership has been a long time coming. When the battle for marriage equality started to gather steam, many filmmakers approached long time partners Richard Adams and Tony Sullivan and many were sent away. Fortunately for us all, Richard and Tony finally said yes to director Thomas Edward, who managed to craft an insightful and entertaining documentary that will take you on a roller coaster ride of emotions. I was fortunate enough to hear Tony speak about the film in person at the Florida Film Festival, where it won the audience award for Best Documentary, one of several audience awards it has collected as it plays the film festival circuit. In rare form for a documentary, it is actually getting a theatrical release on June 23 so look for it in your area. While I remain unlucky in love myself, I think about how I myself was born in 1975 and my entire life has lasted for their entire struggle. At issue for Tony was his inability to get a green card. The U.S. government even sent Tony a letter declining his request because they don’t issue green cards to faggots. Such a thing feels impossible today, though maybe not in Alabama.The more they fought to have their love recognized, the harder it got for them. Tony was ostracized in Australia so deporting him wasn’t really sending him home at all. In the end, they wandered Europe for a while until someone had the bright idea of trying to reenter the country via the U.S.-Mexico border. Tony is white after all so he doesn’t look illegal. Since arriving back in the states successfully, they lived as illegal immigrants would, under the radar, taking low paying cash jobs, and ultimately ran the
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risk of expulsion again, which makes their willingness to publicly be filmed about their struggle while living as illegal aliens in America that much more awe inspiring. Sometimes enough is enough. While the firestorm of publicity has grown around them and the marriage issue at large, they seem to now be in a protected state, despite having been told that their original marriage still doesn’t count. So if you find yourself lucky enough to be in love with someone so completely that you want to get married - and you live in a state that will let you - take pause and remember Richard and Tony as they helped get you the ability to get there in the first place. And go see the film as it is wonderful and what little bit I’ve spoken about it really only scratches the surface. This Queen was deeply humbled to be in the same room as Tony Sullivan and loved the film. 4 out of 5 rainbows. It may yet be a 5, but I need to see it again to be sure. 1 Rainbow - How did this get funded? 2 Rainbows - You might find something of interest here but unlikely. 3 Rainbows - You should probably see this movie sometime in the near future 4 Rainbows - Stop reading this review and find a theater showing this film now! 5 Rainbows - I’ll need to find a spot for this in my Top 100 list. Absolutely flawless.
The Valley : season 2 underway
by Jerod Theobald
Unite CinCinnati Dayton’s CW (WBDT-TV) hit reality show The Valley, has begun production for Season 2. The show is set to premiere in September.
“The Valley isn’t your typical reality show. This is reality with a purpose,” said Steve Bailey, The Valley Executive Producer. “Each cast member has something unique to prove and this is their journey. We have some exciting things “I’m incredibly excited that the The Valley is coming back for planned for the cast this summer.” a second season,” said Joe Abouzeid, President and General Manager, WDTN-TV and WBDT-TV. “It was a ratings hit To learn more about the cast, see behind the scenes photos this past fall and we are even more excited for Season 2.” of production, visit www.daytonscw.com. The Valley will air each Sunday evening at 8:00 p.m. beginning in September The Valley was a reality show for young and old and was and is preparing to air 12 episodes. Full episodes will also be reflected in the ratings. It achieved a 2.3 in P25-54, 2.5 in available at www.daytonscw.com. F18-49 and 2.6 in F25-54. Here are the members of this season’s cast: Aaron (20, Troy); The Valley Season 2 began production in May and will wrap Alexys (19, Springfield); Ally (19, Springboro); Casey (23, up in mid August. The Valley centers around six new cast Dayton); Chris (19, Centerville); Don (19, Dayton); Ellis members as well as some of the cast from Season 1. The (20, West Carrollton); Nathan (19, Christiansburg); Noelle cast will be showcased taking part in numerous adventures (19, Fairborn); Ryan (22, Kettering); Sol (22, Centerville). throughout the greater Dayton region.
www.happyRichards.com
Visit our booth at Cincinnati Pride Festival Many products also available at On Broadway Bar & Nigh Club
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DIY
Going to the Gay Chapel by Nate Moster
Unite CinCinnati Weddings. They’re not just for our hetero friends and family any more. Throughout time, the celebrated nuptials of historic couples, celebrities, and our own family and friends alike have dominated our culture. Partnering up before God and the government has evolved as the social norm for most straight couples. Now, fast forward to 2014. At the time of press, 19 states have legalized gay marriage with more on the docket to debate and deliberate the government’s role in homo unions. That’s why this issue of CNKY Scene is timely in its dedication to gathering two grooms and bonding two brides. Since the race to the gay altar has become the new norm, it’s opened a whole host of etiquette queries: What the hell does a gay wedding even look like? Do you marry in a state where it’s legal or host a non-legal ceremony? And most importantly, can Crate and Barrel keep up with the gays’ wedding registries? My hubby and I sealed our long-term commitment with the non-legal option: a surprise backyard wedding at our Ohio home in 2013. Surrounded by just under 20 folks who had been duped to attending an open house, we toasted to friends and family, announced “Welcome to our wedding!” and immediately handed out planned-ahead tasks to our unsuspecting community - for they would be the ones building our wedding. Here, I share tips from my own wedding that may inspire yours: Nuptials Notion #1: Get by with a little help from your friends: A mere hour before our ceremony, we doled out tasks to guests to pick up pre-ordered food while others went to work sourcing flowers. Tables had to be set in the backyard, along with chairs, table runners and place settings. Vows were compiled (also outsourced to friends – best decision ever, as they often know you better than you know yourself!), toasts were written and in an hour, our wedding began. I know…the thought of outsourcing some of these items seems scary, especially for a control freak like me. But with advance planning, you can let go the day of and watch your friends make the magic. My example: I set up a sample table in my basement
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with the chairs, table cloth and place settings just how I wanted it, then said “Please go make six of these.” It works! And, everyone feels like an important part of your special day. Nuptials Notion #2: Go natural. Establish a nice neutral, natural base for your event that will make any added colors pop. I used white table cloths and homemade burlap table runners to ensure the brightly-bursting flowers got all the attention. To make the runners, we measured our long tables, bought burlap off the bolt at the fabric store (cheap), cut to size (easy) and gently frayed the edges by pulling off threads. You could also make burlap table “squares” if you have round tables. Nuptials Notion #3: Add at least one personal element to your tables. Outside of the bar, your guests will likely spend the majority of their time at your tables. Besides the norm – candles, flowers, other décor – offer at least one personalized piece to give them something to talk about. In some cases, this might be your wedding favor with the inclusion of a note; for others, place photos of the happy couple throughout different times in your courtship on tables. Or, theme table numbers or names based on your favorite sports teams, travel destinations, foods – or go REALLY gay…did somebody say Broadway shows?! Do I know your special day will be as special as you are? As long as you make it your own…I do! For more hosting, décor and lifestyle inspiration, follow Fellow Does Fab on Facebook, Pinterest or fellowdoesfab.blogspot.com.
www.Unitemag.com/cincinnati
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Community
HAVE A GAY DAY How does one have a gay day? Lots of ways, and a committed, passionate group of people in Dayton, Ohio has spent the past three years encouraging you and everyone else to Have A Gay Day. “There were so many people talking about suicide and bullying and Facebook pages and social sites in general, they had momentum for a tragedy, they were propelled and excited to share all this tragedy because people almost made it popular, and it was so sad,” said Michael Knote, founder of Have A Gay Day. “There was no safe place to go on that was a fun, random, happy kind of place. Everyone was saying ‘it gets better’, but there was nowhere to go to look at random fun happiness.” It worked. The Facebook page now has nearly 700,000 followers. Though the motivation in starting Have A Gay Day as a Facebook page may have been a commitment to irreverent and lighthearted gay-related messages, Knote is a committed activist and the social media effort has become a fully functioning organization with a board of directors, and new office space in downtown Dayton. “I never saw it being an organization,” Knote told UNiTE Cincinnati. “I made it more of a place where in the middle of the night, when everything was quiet, we would take over Facebook with rainbows.” While there are still plans to occasionally take over Facebook with rainbows, the mission is often quite serious. Have A Gay Day staffs a phone line for several hours a week where young people who may be suicidal can find a friendly voice. Knote said that Have A Gay Day has saved lives. The group’s Facebook page will receive messages from distraught youth with suicidal feelings. “We do everything we can to try to locate that person, to get help,” Knote said. Once, a would-be suicide victim was found by police with a loaded weapon. Another time, a teenager was found with a gun near the grave site of another teen who died. The group’s messages have also been prominently featured on billboards in cities across the region, paid for through
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by Michael Monks
Unite CinCinnati
crowdfunding online. “Hate Is Not Holy”, “Be The Change You Wish to See”, and “Be Careful Who You Hate. It Could Be Someone You Love.” are messages seen on billboards in Dayton, while one on I-65 near Indianapolis says, “Indiana Welcomes All”. “We do have a large following on Facebook and social media has empowered us to do everything we have to expand our growth,” Knote said. Next, Have A Gay Day is preparing to open its new office in the Key Bank Building. “What we’ve done is create an outreach center. It’s providing a space for different organizations. It promotes different organizations in the community,” Knote said. “The biggest thing for us to find a need in the community and bring the community together.” An opening celebration is scheduled for August 8, from 1 – 4 p.m. Have A Gay Day will also continue to explore models to ensure its own sustainability, an effort that includes T-shirt and merchandise sales, grant writing, donations, crowdfunding, and possibly memberships. “A lot of our work is in education or creating safe spaces and it’s also about empowering organizations that are in existence,” Knote said. It’s very complex just to describe it but every time we find a need or a case of visibility – it’s so much more than marriage equality. A person is well-rounded, and maybe it’s senior housing or whatever. We’re trying to fill as many needs as possible.”
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LGBT Business Directory ART & Culture Cincinnati Art Museum 953 Eden Park Dr. Cincinnati, OH 45202 www.cincinnatiartmuseum.org
EDUCATION The New School Montessori 3 Burton Woods Ln. Cincinnati, OH 45229 513.281.7999 www.newschoolmontessori.com
FINANCIAL SERVICES Shawn P. Hannegan, CPA 10979 Reed Hartman Hwy Suite 331E Cincinnati, OH 45242 513.223.3317 www.hannegancpa.com Eagles Savings Bank 6415 Bridgetown Rd. Cincinnati, OH 45248 513.233.7182 eaglesavings.com
FITNESS Body by Bree 605 Madison Ave. Suite 1 Covington, Kentucky 41011 270.234.3357 www.bodybybree.net Over 40 N Fit
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LEGAL SERVCES Law Offices of Shannon C. Smith 605 Madison Ave. Suite 2 Covington, Kentucky 41011 859.414.0543 or 502.498.4739 www.lawofficesofshannoncsmith.com
NIGHTLIFE The 404 404 Pike St. Covington, KY 41011 The Annex 901 Race St. Cincinnati, OH 45202 513.421.1663 Bar 32 701 Bakewell St. Covington, KY 41011 859.431.7011 Below Zero 1122 Walnut St. Cincinnati, OH 45202 513.421.9376 www.belowzerolounge.com The Cabaret 1122 Walnut St. Cincinnati, OH 45202 513.202.4052 www.cabaretcincinnati.com The Dock Complex 603 West Pete Rose Way Cincinnati, OH 45202 513.241.5623
On Broadway 817 Broadway St. Cincinnati, OH 45202 facebook.com/onbroadwaybar Old Street Saloon 13 Old St. Monroe, OH 45050 513.539.9183 Rosie’s Tavern 643 Bakewell St. Covington, KY 41011 859.291.9707 Shooters 927 Race St. Cincinnati, OH 45202 513.381.9900
NONPROFIT HIV Project 4138 Hamilton Ave. Cincinnati ,OH 45223 513.679.4453 www.ppswohiv.org Imago 700 Enright Ave. Cincinnati, OH 45205 513.921.5124 www.imagoearth.org
PHOTOGRAPHY Mikki Schaffner Photography 2511 Essex Pl. Room 104 Cincinnati, OH 45206 www.mikkischaffner.com
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Psychology/Counseling Ellen O. Bierhorst Ph.D. 513. 221.1289. www.lloydhouse.com
REstaurant Piper’s Cafe 520 W. 6th St. Covington, KY 41011 www.piperscafe.biz
Retail flow - a shop for men 5 West Pike St. Covington, KY 41011 859.291.3569 www.gentlemanflow.com
The Man Cave One Levee Way Newport, KY 41071 Just 4 Kids One Levee Way Newport, KY 41071 Kelly’s Kloset One Levee Way Newport, KY 41071 Past and Present 521 Monmouth St Newport, KY 41071 859.433.0183 Services Tier Haus Pet Salon
Gateways to Healing, Chiropractic & Nutrition Drs. Michael and Julie Nichols 4027 Allston St Cincinnati, Ohio 45209 513.321.3317 www.gatewaystohealing.com Timothy’s Florals 8818 Reading Rd Cincinnati, Ohio 513.604.1835 VENUES Mayerson JCC 8485 Ridge Rd. Cincinnati, OH 45236 www.mayersonjcc.org
5970 Harrison Ave Cincinnati, OH 45248
513.574.9333 www.tierhauspetsalon.com
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