www.citizenpet.com
celebrating life with our animal companions
When it’s time to say
goodbye
The 5 stages of grief
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Crazy cat
Pet loss books SUMMER 2015 I $3.95 CDN
for children Understanding disenfranchised GRIEF
behaviour Support through grief’s journey:
Bijou’s story
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celebrating life with our animal companions
www.citizenpet.com facebook.com/citizenpetmagazine Publisher/Editor Sherry Warner
Contributors
April Clay Susan Crawford Dr. Dirk Dekens Debbie Frenette Kathleen Grey Straja Linder King Beth O’Connor Audrey Pavia Rebecca Stares
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Copyright 2015. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part is prohibited without permission of the publisher. The views and opinions in articles and advertisements in this publication are not necessarily those of the publisher.
This magazine is a proud member of the Alberta Magazine Publishers Association, abiding by the standards of the Canadian Society of Magazine Editors. Visit www.albertamagazines.com
www.citizenpet.com
celebrating life with our animal companions
When it’s time to say
goodbye
The 5 stages of grief
#FOF²UT PG OBUVSBM TVOMJHIU for your parrot Back across the Rainbow Bridge
Crazy cat
SUMMER 2015 I $3.95 CDN
for children Understanding disenfranchised GRIEF
behaviour Support through grief’s journey:
Bijou’s story
Cover photo: www.dollarphotoclub.com (Author: natasnow) Copies of Citizen Pet & Equine are available in Alberta and other parts of Canada at your specialty pet supply retailer, select veterinary clinics, rescue organizations and shelters. Citizen Pet & Equine is also available at Calgary Public Library and Edmonton Public Library locations and other magazine stands throughout Alberta. Citizen Pet & Equine is also inserted into select community and specialty newspapers.
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The sorrow and grief surrounding the death of a pet
8
Grieving the loss of a pet: do you need counselling support?
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When it’s time to say goodbye: home euthanasia
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Book review: The Grief Recovery Handbook For Pet Loss
15
The psychology of horse craziness
16 18
Crazy cat behaviour
20
The benefits of natural sunlight for your parrot
22
Back across the Rainbow Bridge
Support through grief’s journey: Bijou’s story
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Pet loss books
contents
editor’s note Denver and Tiffany
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hen I was growing up, I didn’t have any pets. That didn’t stop me from trying to sneak a cute little cat into the basement, which my sisters and I found wondering the neighbourhood. We called him “Handsome” but unfortunately we couldn’t keep him. I love animals, especially horses. I remember dreaming about the day when I would learn how to show jump. But riding horses and having pets of my own would have to wait until I was an adult. As soon as I got married and bought a home of our own, my husband and I got two beautiful dogs named Denver and Tiffany, both were Maltese. This was before we had children, so they were our only pride and joy. Being one who loves to learn new things, I also took English riding lessons as an adult, hoping to make that dream of jumping fences a reality. Needless to say I was the oldest person in the class but I managed to keep up with the kids and I loved the time I spent with the horses. When Tiffany was about seven, we noticed that she had lost her appetite, was losing weight and had very bad breath. When we took her to the vet, she was diagnosed with cancer. She underwent immediate surgery but the cancer was so widespread there was no way to save her. She was diagnosed and passed in just two weeks. Denver had Addison’s disease and was doing well on his medication but when we didn’t return from the vet with Tiffany, he collapsed. Denver never recovered and we had to put him down a few months later. I’m sure he died of a broken heart. Losing two dogs in such a short period of time was extremely difficult. I think I was in shock. Looking back I realized that I was also embarrassed to tell my co-workers the reason for my inability to focus on the job. Thankfully, as a society, we’ve come a long way since then. More and more people are becoming aware of how significant the loss of a pet can be. In this issue we focus on pet loss. It’s my hope that the information between these pages will provide some comfort, an understanding of the grieving process and some tools to help you work through your grief. And above all, an understanding that it’s OK to grieve the loss of such an important being in your life.
Sherry
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3TRAJA ,INDER +ING BOARD CERTIlED CLINICAL ART THERAPIST AND CLINICAL ANIMAL ASSISTED ART THERAPIST WITH HER TWO THERAPY DOGS 4ANGUS AND 4UMBRA LYING DOWN 4ANGUS DIED UNEXPECTEDLY SHORTLY AFTER THIS PHOTO WAS TAKEN AND 4UMBRA PASSED WITHIN THE SAME YEAR 3ADLY HE WAS ONLY TWO AND A HALF YEARS OLD
The
sorrow and grief
surrounding the death of a pet By Straja Linder King
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S
taring out the window of my cottage-like art studio, I am invited to a sensory feast of sounds and sights. A crow squawks, a jet roars on the celestial highway above while flocks of geese bark out commands overhead. The day is warm and teeming with life. We are at winter’s end. Bravely, I slide the window even further to breathe in the clarity of the clear blue sky. The window becomes an interactive canvas inviting me to a private viewing. What do I see? I see a constant interplay of beginnings and endings. Myriad stories unfold and shift, viewing life through this portal to the outside world. On the left hand side of the window an empty bird’s nest sways precariously on the limb of the cherry tree. Across the yard, tangled branches shadow dance in the energetic winds and shifting light on my neighbour’s
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wall. On the cedar fence post a sassy magpie vies for the attention of my three dogs playing in the yard. Here as I sit staring out the window, I witness life and death comfortably entwined. Birth and death are present always. Loss is inevitable yet we do not get the call to attention until the death impacts us directly. The death of a pet, a powerful call, impacts us with immediacy and full intensity. The death of a loving pet irrevocably changes us forever. The loss means one less family member and the pain can be debilitating. Put simply, grief is a broken heart. The absence of our beloved friend alters our home and hearts forever. After working in pet bereavement for over two decades, I can clearly state that no two losses are alike. Grief is unique as one’s fingerprint. From the moment that death occurs we feel a heaviness that defies description. Grief and gravity combined are unbearable to hold. No recipe will circumvent or eradicate
the pain due to the death of a beloved animal companion. The grieving process unfolds on its own volition and there are no short cuts. Ignoring or minimizing this grief falls into the category of disenfranchised grieving. What does this mean? “Disenfranchised grief� means there is an existing social stigma to this type of death and the grieving process surrounding the loss. Depending on the bond, the death of an animal companion can wound our soul with the same intensity and magnitude as the grief we feel for a human death. Research demonstrates that the grief experienced due to pet loss can actually be higher than that of human loss — even if the pet has only been in our lives for a short while. This is due to the relationship, proximity, and deep bonds created with our beloved pet. When we adopt, rescue, or add animal companions to our family we are well aware that their life span will most likely be shorter than
In the depths of grief Far beyond the place of tears Memories reside
she walked by our open room she irritatingly exclaimed, “I have another euthanization and need someone to help me in the back.” Upon witnessing this event, both of our hearts filled with terror at the thought of our community therapy dog receiving the same death sentence on that cold morning. How insensitive and careless in not thinking about others in the nearby rooms. Needless to say we never went back to that clinic again. Thank goodness our sensitivity has grown exponentially over the past decade. We want dignity for our pets facing end of life challenges. Many veterinarians now include a quiet room where patients may wait the outcome of their injured or sick pet’s future. One clinic here in the city designed its new quarters to incorporate a quiet room for animals facing end of life. There are two doors so you need not go through the waiting room once you check in and are ready to see the doctor. This fosters dignity and displays sensitivity to meeting the needs of the pets and their guardians. You are invited to take your pet’s favourite toy and blanket to make your animal companion as comfortable as possible. Being in a home-like room is calming when you are already in distress. I have been blessed to experience this with two of my ani-
mal companions and having a quiet room was extremely helpful. And some veterinarians make house calls in order that the pet is as comfortable as possible. Also, this allows the entire family to be involved and creates a ceremonial area right in their home. This also facilitates children or other pets being able to witness the pet’s end of life if they wish. There are many ways to create rituals and ceremony to commemorate your pet depending on the circumstances. Having these options available allows you to be aware of the many avenues to explore prior to an emergency. This knowledge will surely mitigate some of the anxiety when faced with emergencies and end of life situations with your beloved animal. We all can contribute and carry this sentient wisdom in assisting those experiencing the loss of a partnership that fosters happiness and loving kindness. Our animal companions deserve this dignity. —Straja Linder King is a board-certified clinical art therapist and clinical animal-assisted art therapist. She practices at her Strawberry Moon studio with certified therapy dogs, Twillow Rose and Tala Rain. Visit www.strawberrymooncounselling.com for more info.
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ours. However, this knowledge does little to lessen the pain of pet loss. Our head holds the logic about our longevity not being the same as our pets, yet our heart contains the feelings experienced together in our relationship with them. Hence, when people minimize or disregard the animal’s death the grief intensifies. The term for this exacerbated grief is known as “disenfranchised”, making the bereavement journey all the more difficult. Therefore, validation is vital in assisting those experiencing the death of an animal companion. “Disenfranchised” best describes this type of grieving when the validation is lacking. For example saying: “It is only a pet,” and “You can always get another,” is hurtful and wounding to the soul. This thinking still exists and as a society, many are still not willing to honour this type of grief. An animal companion can never be replaced anymore than a lost human life and “getting another” sounds like restocking our fridge with depleted items. Our pets are members of the family too. With the death of a pet many people live in the shadow of their grief. This merely exacerbates the grieving process. When time is not taken away from our work to allow for working through the loss, emotions become bottled up. All this stems from the fear of embarrassment in sharing what they are feeling. When you hear co-workers respond with: “It’s just a dog, you can get another,” or “Thank goodness it was only an animal,” there is not much to say. This response simply perpetuates the stigma leaving the bereaved feeling isolated and filled with despair. No one should grieve alone. Grief houses myriad responses, complicating the grieving process. The complexities may stem from a variety of sources such as unexpected deaths, witnessing a traumatic event, or feeling solely responsible for the death. Reactions to these types of complications affect us at every level — physical, emotional, spiritual, and social. We all grieve differently and we need to companion and support one another on the journey experienced due to loss. We are evolving with sensitivity to this unspoken grief. Thankfully, I have lived to witness the journey of seeing the changes evolve. I will always remember the horrific experience of taking my therapy dog to a local animal hospital. My dog was undergoing many tests due to the mystery surrounding constant weight loss. He was not doing well. One morning we had to take him in unexpectedly as he was hardly moving. They weighed him on the scales and quickly escorted the three of us into the nearest examination room. Sitting with deep fear in our hearts we gently stroked the fur of our handsome big boy waiting for the doctor to enter. The door to our room was left ajar. While we sat in dread of the not knowing the fate of our beautiful pet, another vet walked by. Stuffed under one of her arms was a limp but alive small dog and as
Grieving the loss of a pet: do you need counselling support? By April Clay
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I
f you have experienced the death of a pet, you may be finding it very difficult to adjust to the many changes in your life. This kind of loss can leave you feeling shaken up, lost and misunderstood. It’s important to respect your loss just like any other. Although not everyone in your life may understand your feelings, there will be those that will be able to offer support. Take care to seek out those in your circle who have compassion for your experience. Develop a “go to” circle of people or seek out a grief support group or a counsellor. Bereavement is the time we spend adjusting to loss. There is no set time limit and no wrong or right way to feel. Everyone must forge his or her own path, but you don’t have to do it alone. Grief can manifest in a multitude of ways. Some people get angry, some withdraw and
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some experience numbness. Sometimes, grief can turn into something more serious, like depression. Many signs of grief resemble those of depression. It is perfectly normal to cry, experience changes in sleep and appetite. Most people report experiencing “waves” that come and go throughout their process. However, if you begin to notice persistence in and worsening of symptoms it may be time to seek out another form of support. Signs that grief has turned into depression may include: s 0ERSISTEnt feelings of guilt s 0ERSISTENT AND DISRUPTIVE CHANGES IN SLEEP and appetite s &EELINGS OF WORTHLESSNESS s 0ERSISTENT CHANGES IN MOOD MOTIVATION and energy s $IFlCULTY CARRYING OUT EVERYDAY RESPON sibilities s 4HOUGHTS OF SELF HARM OR SUICIDE
If your grief has begun to take a more complicated turn, you may also notice yourself engaging in behaviours foreign to your personality such as: s $RINKING OR USING OTHER SUBSTANCES MORE than usual in order to numb emotional pain. s !CTING OUT YOUR FEELINGS WITH OTHERS AND having a negative impact on relationships. Counselling can help provide support during the grief process and ward off the risk of depression taking root. If you are concerned, seek out the assistance of a qualified therapist. The person you speak with should have experience with grief counselling along with an understanding of the special issues pet loss can include. Don’t be afraid to ask questions before booking an appointment. Get the right fit for you, and make sure you’re comfortable with the person that will assist you in your healing. —April Clay is a registered psychologist and offers counselling and sport consultation services. Visit www.bodymindmotion.com for more info.
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5 Stages of Grief The five stages of grief, as defined by Swiss psychiatrist, Elisabeth KĂźbler-Ross, M.D., in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying have been found to be common in many forms of loss. Remember that your grief is as unique as you are and you do not enter and leave each individual stage of grief in order. As you progress through the grieving process you may feel one emotion and then another and back to the first one. There is no right or wrong way to go through the stages nor is there a set amount of time in which one should grieve.
1. Denial. A common first reaction is denial, in which a person imagines another outcome other than loss, or the reality they face does not seem real. “This cannot be happening.�
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2. Anger. When denial can no longer continue, people can feel angry — at God, the universe or others. “Why is this happening to me?�
3. Bargaining. This stage involves hope that grief can be avoided. The person may bargain for extended time in exchange for something else. “Maybe there is something I can still do.�
4. Depression. In this stage the individual becomes saddened by the certainty of the loss, and may feel as though life is meaningless. They may isolate and refuse to engage in their usual activities. “I’m so sad, why bother with anything?� 5. Acceptance. Here, individuals accept the reality that their loved one is gone. They may never get over it but they learn to live with it. They create a new “normal� and learn to live within it. “It’s going to be okay.�
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When it’s time to say goodbye By Dr. Dirk Dekens, DVM
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ithout a doubt having your companion animal “put to sleep” or humanely euthanized is one of the toughest emotional decisions any pet parent can be faced with. For many, our companion animals are members of the family and their loss is no different than losing a beloved friend or family member. Regardless of their age, their loss is always too soon. We are their guardians and caregivers throughout their lives, and we owe it to them to be kind, caring and selfless when the time comes that their pain and suffering no longer allows them to enjoy a reasonable quality of life. Letting go is hard, but it is the only compassionate act we can offer them when their little bodies and/or minds no longer can sustain any further enjoyment of life as they once knew it. It’s hard to prepare ourselves for death and dying. While some pets may live into old age and experience a slow and steady demise of their abilities, others may experience a sudden onset of illness or, in some cases, a critical accident. As our pets can only communicate with us through their behaviours, deciding as to when to euthanize can be very challenging. Families often look for changes in their pet’s behaviours to let them know “their time might be close.” Families considering euthanasia often observe many of the following in their beloved pet: s CHRONIC AND UNCONTROLLED PAIN s FREQUENT VOMITING AND DIARRHEA THAT CAUSES DEHYDRATION AND weight loss s INCONTINENCE s LOSS OF INTEREST IN FAVOURITE ACTIVITIES TOYS WALKS OTHER PETS FOOD or time spent with family members s INABILITY TO STAND OR WALK s BREATHING DIFlCULTIES s GENERAL DETERIORATION IN THE QUALITY OF LIFE WITH NO FORESEEABLE chance of recovery s A DIAGNOSIS OF SEVERE ILLNESS WHERE MEDICAL INTERVENTION WILL NOT help improve the quality of life
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Your veterinarian is there for you to consult with, review the needs of your pet and help you make the best decision possible while respecting individual wishes for dealing with the euthanasia. Allowing your pet to pass peacefully at home rather than in an unfamiliar and often scary clinic environment is an option many families choose. Home euthanasia allows for the entire family, including other pets, to be present and assists greatly with the grieving process for everyone. Tears can be allowed to flow freely and the home environment allows for a safe place to respect and honour various personal and religious rituals. Some families in preparation for the loss of their loved one may wish to have end-of-life photos taken prior. There are many pet photographers who offer this service or people may do so on their own. It may be that your family dog loved being in the garden or out by a favourite tree, or your pet cat had a favourite chair he liked to lie on. These personal wishes can be honoured through an in-home euthanasia process. For families with children, it is important to explain and prepare them for the loss of their family pet. We all need to find ways to say our goodbyes and to grieve. The decision to have younger children and family present is a personal one and you should discuss your wishes with your veterinarian to make a choice that is right for you. The process of euthanasia offers a peaceful and painless ending to your companion pet’s life and your veterinarian is there to guide you through the process — whether at home or in a clinic along with the decision to cremate or bury the remains. Grieving is a natural response to loosing those we love. While the stages of grieving — denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance — are similar for most, the way in which we grieve and the time it takes varies from person to person. It is very individual and personal, and expressing sadness over your loss is understandable and normal.What matters most is to take care of yourself and those around you and seek out support. —Dr. Dirk Dekens is the owner of Dekens Housecall Veterinary Services and offers mobile vet care including home euthanasia in Calgary and area. He can be reached at (403) 615-8016 or visit www.dekensvet.ca.
Q Q A
How do I work in daily “training moments� with my dog?
Beth O’Connor
A
Working training into your daily routine can be fun and easy! There are so many awesome opportunities for you to create a better behaved dog in your every day activities. The most important thing to remember is that every interaction with your dog is, essentially, training. So if you are, say, chopping carrots, and you toss a piece to your dog, you just taught your dog that when you’re preparing food, they’ll get some. Situations like that create bad habits like begging. So instead, put some carrots aside and give them to your dog when they aren’t expecting it. Showing your dog that you are their leader is very simple. In my classes I show people how to incorporate training into their routine so that it becomes a lifestyle. Here are a few ways to show your dog that you are their leader in daily activities:
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Most importantly, don’t forget to play with your dog every day. Play is an important bonding activity. Have FUN with your dog! — Beth O’Connor is a certified dog trainer and owner of Cultured Canines. She can be reached at 403-472-2384 or visit www.culturedcanines.ca.
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s 7HEn you’re going up stairs, ensure that you are going before your dog. This isn’t just a leadership technique, this is for your safety. I’m sure many of you have almost been tripped by your dog racing up and down stairs ahead of you! Simply block them with your legs so they can’t get ahead of you. s %AT MEALS BEFORE YOUR DOG EATS !LPHA ALWAYS EATS lRST s .EVER LET YOUR DOG GO IN OR OUT OF DOORS AHEAD OF YOU 3ET THE tone of your walk by leading your dog out of the door instead of them leading you! s -AKE YOUR WALKS MORE FUN AND INTERESTING 'O SOMEWHERE NEW with your dog. Even driving a few blocks away and going a different route will tire your dog out more because of all the new sights, smells and sounds. s 4AKE YOUR DOG SHOPPING WITH YOU 4HERE SHOULD BE SEVERAL STORES in your area that allow dogs but be sure to confirm the store allows pets before you make the trip. Dogs will love all the extra attention they’ll get from people in the store and will love you more for taking them somewhere new!
pet pin-up
Chloe #)4):%. 0%4 %15).% s 35--%2
Breed: Calico
Favourite toy: laser pointer (Chasing it never gets old!) Favourite pastime: watching out the kitchen window and playing with her brother Finn Favourite place to sleep: on Mommy’s bed, on top of her clothes or in the linen closet 12
Photo by Darby Leigh
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higher learning
The Grief Recovery Handbook for Pet Loss Russell Friedman, Cole James, and John W. James 168 pages Taylor Trade Publishing (Dec. 2014) ISBN-10: 1630760145 $17.95 Canada, $14.95 US
By Susan Crawford, M.Sc.
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T
he death of a pet is a heartbreaking loss for any pet guardian, and every year, pet deaths number into the millions. One of the most hurtful things a grieving pet guardian ever hears is, “Don’t feel bad, it was only a dog. Get another one.� Feeling bad is a normal, natural emotional reaction to death. Such a comment implies there is something wrong with feeling sad, and minimizes the loving relationship you had with your pet by using the world “only.� No wonder grieving pet guardians are scared to tell people how they are feeling and often get isolated for fear of hearing more hurtful comments. Books written in first-person by pet guardians who share their grief are common, but books to really deal with the loss of your pet and to help you get a sense of completion are not. The Grief Recovery Handbook for Pet Loss is, however, one of those rare books. It shows pet guardians how to deal with the emotional pain of their loss and really recover. The exercises in the book are based on John James’ own experiences when he and his wife lost their three-day-old son, and then divorced shortly after. He devised a series of actions that helped him feel emotionally complete to deal with the grief. The first action is to help identify the myths you have been TAUGHT OVER THE YEARS TO DEAL WITH DEATH NAMELY DON T FEEL BAD REPLACE THE LOSS GRIEVE ALONE TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS BE STRONG AND keep busy. Readers are told how to discard the myths, and replace them with more accurate ideas about dealing with sad emotions, and that short term relief like food, alcohol or drugs does not help. The authors recommend that readers start by detailing their own history of pet losses since childhood. Then, review the relationship with their pet, with the goal of replacing painful memories with positive ones and remembering their pet the way they knew him in life, not only in death. Readers are encouraged to graph the entire relationship with their pet over their lifetime then convert the relationship graph into recovery categories including apologies, forgiveness, and significant emotional statements such as: “I had always planned to take you to the beach to run and play and I’m sorry I never followed through� or h) FORGIVE YOU FOR CHEWING UP MY NEW SHOESv AND h4HANK YOU FOR loving me just as much as I loved you, if not more.� The final step Friedman and colleagues suggest is to write a completion letter to your pet, in order to say what you need to in order to feel emotionally complete. Examples are given, so readers know how to start their own letters. They recommend saying goodbye to the pet at the end of the letter, in order to complete the communication. Reading the letter to the pet is one possibility, if death is imminent. If the pet has already passed away, Friedman and colleagues suggest reading the letter to a human witness, who you trust. This is the key to feeling complete.
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They end the book with hints about dealing with your pet’s things. Despite well-meaning friends advising you to get rid of everything, you may not want to, which is fine. Other helpful advice regarding burial options is also included. Scattering all your pet’s ashes versus having some permanent place to go to remember your pet is important to consider. Keeping some ashes to stay connected can be comforting. This book is a gem — so helpful for grieving guardians to discover and complete what has been left emotionally unfinished by the death of someone so important in their life. A highly recommended read.
Pet loss books for children: s I’ll Always Love You, by Hans Wilhelm (Ages 2-6) s The Tenth Good Thing About Barney, by Judith Viorst (ages 4-9) s $OG (EAVEN, by Cynthia Rylant (ages 4-11) s 4HE $AY 4IGER 2OSE 3AID 'OODBYE, by Jane Yolen (ages 6-9) s *ASPER S $AY, by Marjorie Blain Parker (ages 6-10) s 3AYING 'OODBYE TO ,ULU, by Corinne Demas (all ages) s 4HE ,EGEND OF 2AINBOW "RIDGE, by William N. Britton (all ages) s &OR %VERY $OG !N !NGEL by Christine Davis (all ages)
The psychology of horse craziness By April Clay
F
ortunately for you, horses are not like puppies. Kids don’t find them wandering the streets with hopeful eyes and bring them home to announce: “Mom, look what I found, can I keep him?” Whew. So yes, to be in the company of horses, or not to be, is your choice. Even so, if you have a potentially horse-crazed young one living with you, challenges are a given.
Supplements to help keep all your pets healthy for life.
Sport or non-competitive? Some kids will want to be involved in the show circuit. For others, it’s pure love and contact is quite good enough. Take some time with your young rider to see what it is that attracts them. Don’t forget that there are ample opportunities to be in the company of horses, competitive sport is only one. There are lessons and camps, volunteer opportunities and odd stable jobs. This is where moving slow initially can really pay off. It may be your child is unsure about what type of horse involvement would suit them best.
Why girls and horses? Here is a common burning question. Why are girls drawn to horses like flies to barns? This is a question Melissa Holbrook Pierson eloquently undertakes in her book Dark Horses and Black Beauties: Animals, Women, A Passion. She circles daintily around all the standard explanations: girls love horses because they are better equipped with the relationship skills it takes to ride, to fulfill some deep Freudian urge, to feel powerful, because horses are pretty and thus feminine and so on. In the end, Pierson prefers to embrace the mystery of the attraction and be satisfied, to stop analyzing and revel in the wonderful pleasure of it all.
Potential benefits
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All youth sports offer great opportunities for kids to grow. There is the social aspect, learning good sportsmanship, building confidence in new skills and experiencing what it’s like to set and meet goals. But, horse sport also provides something unique and different. A distinctive benefit of spending time with horses is what they can teach us about ourselves. For kids, learning to problem solve with their equine friends can be challenging and empowering. They will be quick to learn, for example, that ill-focused anger doesn’t get you anywhere with horses or people. Talk to your kids about what great role models equines can be for humans. Draw parallels for them between their horse relationship and how they deal with other important relationships in their lives. Make the most of your kid’s chosen passion because as Lord Palmerston so wisely said: “The best thing for the inside of a man is the outside of a horse.”
Crazy cat behaviour
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By Audrey Pavia
was the relaxed owner of two senior felines when I decided to add another cat to the household: Holly, a six-month-old kitten I’d found in the street. A beautiful girl with an incredibly sweet personality, I had no idea what demons lurked within Holly’s brain until I took her into my house. Once Holly became comfortable with her new surroundings, the insanity began. While my two older cats slept quietly in their beds, Holly rampaged throughout the house. She attacked my feet as I walked and swung from the window blinds. She scaled the eight-foot-tall ficus tree in the dining room in one leap, then flew around the house at 90 miles an hour. Pottery and artwork I had collected over the years crashed to the floor as she leapt from one shelf to another. Even our normally playful Corgi watched Holly’s mad antics in disbelief as she spun around the house like a calico tornado.
Things cats do Anyone who has lived with a kitten — or a particularly energetic adult cat — has experienced this feline lunacy to one degree or another. Some kittens and cats are inclined to act as if they have lost their minds, making us wonder if we should be providing our feline friends with strait-jackets instead of safety collars.
Behaviours that drive cat owners to distraction include:
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s 'ETTING INTO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING
including cabinets, drawers, closets, washing machines, boxes, bags, and even refrigerators s !TTACKING THE LEGS OF INNOCENT PEOPLE AS they try to go about their business s "ITING AND KICKING THE HANDS AND ARMS OF people who are simply trying to be friendly s #LIMBING UP THE LEGS AND BACKS OF UNSUS pecting humans s (ARASSING OLDER MORE SEDATE CATS WHO JUST want to be left alone When a kitten or cat is in the throws of this kind of craziness, it can seem as if the cat’s sole purpose is to make life a living hell for everyone in the household. But according to experts on feline behaviour, these behaviours are actually typical expressions of play and curiosity. “Most unwanted behaviours from kittens are done in play or because they want to investigate their environment,” says Melissa Bain,
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Crazy but normal
expressing his normal, healthy self. “Play is extremely important for establishing the relationships between kittens and the other animals in their social group,” says Lisa Radosta-Huntley, DVM, resident in behavioural medicine at the Matthew J. Ryan Veterinary Hospital at the University of Pennsylvania. “It is very important to keep in mind that some kittens did not have proper socialization during critical stages and may exhibit play that is too aggressive. They may not inhibit their bites, or they may play with claws extended and cause injury. This is the case with many orphan kittens because they do not get the chance to be with the queen and the litter-mates, and learn bite inhibition and normal behaviour.” Because kittens are learning as they play, it’s important to help teach them what is appropriate and what is not, according to Dr. Radosta-Huntley. “Play needs to be directed to appropriate toys immediately so the kitten learns how to play with humans in a safe way,” she says. “Before the kitten comes over to you, get ready with appropriate toys.” Although crazy cat behaviours are normal, they can get out of hand. If this happens, it’s time to call in a professional. “If biting escalates to injury, or if you see signs of true aggression, like growling, seek professional help immediately,” says Dr. Bain. Next time your kitten or cat starts swinging from the chandelier, remember that the behaviour you are witnessing is normal. If you work at redirecting his energy, he will soon be hanging from his scratching post instead.
Although these wild behaviours may seem nutty to us, they are actually very normal for a kitten or young cat. In fact, kittens who do not play are often not healthy. However, this doesn’t mean you should let your kitten or cat wreak havoc in the household just because he’s
—Writer Bio: Audrey Pavia is an award-winning freelance writer and member of the Cat Writers Association. She lives with three cats: Simba, Murray and Holly. This story was originally published in Cat Fancy/April 2005.
DVM, DACVB, of the Companion Animal Behaviour Program at University of California, Davis, School of Veterinary Medicine. “Young animals also have a lot more energy compared to adult animals, and they expend it in play.” As it turns out, play is the primary reason behind just about every crazy kitten and cat behaviour on the planet. Although rambunctious felines may seem like they are purposefully trying to drive us nuts, they are simply looking for a way to learn and have fun at the same time. “Kittens possess a broad repertoire of play behaviours, and all of these behaviours may occur in the context of play and exploration,” says Lynne Seibert, DVM, MS, PhD, Diplomate ACVB, a behaviourist at the Veterinary Specialty Center in Lynnwood, Washington. “Playing helps kittens to develop the necessary skills for life as an adult: motor coordination, muscle development, social interaction, and eventually hunting.” Dr. Seibert notes that play behaviours in kittens and cats are divided into two major categories: social play and individual or object play. “Social play with other kittens is most prevalent between four to 16 weeks of age,” she says. “Social play involves rolling, pawing, biting, pouncing, chasing, and stalking. Object play, in which kittens manipulate objects, generally resembles hunting behaviour and provides exercise. Kittens will bat, chase, catch, bite, and carry objects during play.”
Guide for good play Kittens will play no matter what you do, but you can do a lot to influence that play and make sure it’s not destructive. Behaviourist Lynne Seibert DVM, MS, PhD, Diplomate ACVB, of the Veterinary Specialty Center in Lynnwood, Washington suggests following these guidelines to help your kitten play safely: s +ITTEN PROOF THE ENVIRONMENT OR RESTRICT THE KITTEN S ACCESS to particular areas of the home s 0ROVIDE CAT FURNITURE CAT TREES CLIMBING PERCHES SCRATCHING POSTS s 0ROVIDE KITTEN SAFE TOYS ROTATED ON A REGULAR BASIS s 3CHEDULE TIME ON A DAILY BASIS FOR PLAY WITH THE KITTEN s 3EPARATE THE KITTEN FROM ADULT RESIDENT CATS IN THE HOUSEHOLD IF THERE is any aggression, and gradually introduce them s #ONSIDER A SECOND KITTEN AS A PLAYMATE s 2EWARD GOOD BEHAVIOURS AND IGNORE OR INTERRUPT UNDESIRABLE BEHAVIOURS s 3EEK THE ADVICE OF YOUR VETERINARIAN IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS OR concerns about the kitten’s behaviour
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Support through grief’s journey By Debbie Frenette
B
ijou filled our lives with pure joy, fun and unconditional love every single day. Our family is eternally grateful for having him in our lives for nine years and I am blessed to have had the honour of being his mom. Bijou’s beauty, gentle nature and friendly personality endeared him not only to his family but also to all of the people and other animals that he encountered. How brave and strong our little jewel was to carry on with energy and spunk while having a type of cancer that is so rare in smaller dogs and was undetectable until the day that he died. The cancer had spread so much at that point that there was nothing that the veterinary specialists could do to save him. The only consolation at that point was that we got to take Bijou home and hold him in our arms and love and comfort him at the end of his precious life. Bijou’s death came so suddenly and unexpectedly that my family and I were completely shocked and truly devastated. We thought that we would have many more wonderful years together with Bijou. The grief that I experienced after Bijou’s passing was extremely intense as he was such a vital and integral part of my everyday life. I did not know how to deal with his sudden loss or know how to go on living without him. I knew that I needed support beyond my veterinarian’s caring words and the love of my family. Eleven years ago, after our wonderful dog Snowy passed away, I had found support at
the Pet Loss Support Group at the Animal Services Centre. However, when I attempted to turn there for help this time, I found that the group was no longer in existence. My daughter helped me search for other sources of pet loss support and thankfully we found it with Straja Linder King, who had previously been the director of group support at the Animal Services Centre.
"IJOU /UR ,ITTLE *EWEL -AY n $ECEMBER When I first came to Straja, my grief was so strong that I could not find the words to express my feelings. Through art therapy, memorial tributes, journaling and counselling, Straja is helping me to work through my intense grief while honouring the won-
derful memories of Bijou. I am so grateful for her genuine understanding and continual support. When a human loved one dies, society helps by providing support with empathy and rituals for closure. When the departed loved one is a pet, it is much harder to find the support that is so desperately needed. It is vital to be among people who truly understand the magnitude and intensity of losing a beloved pet. There is a comfort that comes with sharing the feelings of loss that is truly healing. I am glad to know that Straja is forming a new pet loss support group this fall. I am looking forward to having the opportunity to assist with the Pet Loss Partners Workshop, which will be held monthly at Straja’s community studio in St. Stephen’s church. Here, a sharing circle will enable people to share their stories in a safe, quiet and warm atmosphere. Together we will companion with each other in the company of renowned therapy dogs Twillow Rose and Tala Rain as we navigate through the losses of our cherished pets. In the meantime, I will continue on my own journey of grief with Straja’s support, always honouring the memory of our beloved little jewel, Bijou. Bijou, you live forever in our hearts. Thank you for all of the love and joy that you brought to every day of our lives. May you feel our love as we feel yours, always and forever. For more information on the monthly Pet Loss Partners Workshop, please contact Straja Linder King at (403) 630-1020.
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Connect. Release. Heal.
Losing a pet hurts. Strawberry Moon Counselling’s Pet Loss Partners Workshop can help.
403-630-1020 18
www.strawberrymooncounselling.com
Every first Monday, 7 pm - 9 pm At Strawberry Moon’s community studio (Inside St. Stephen’s Anglican Church) 1121 - 14 Ave. SW, Calgary, AB $55 per class. Call to register.
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benefits of natural sunlight The
for your parrot By Kathleen Grey
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L
ight is one of the three natural elements necessary for life. However, unlike the clean air we breathe and pure water we drink it gets overlooked as something necessary for good health. Natural sunlight affects people and pets in myriad ways — most notably is the production of Vitamin D. It is estimated that Vitamin D affects 10 per cent of all genes. Vitamin D is known to reduce the risk of certain cancers, reduce blood pressure, improve cognitive function and enhance one’s mood. The ultraviolet B (UVB) spectrum in natural sunlight converts good cholesterol into pre-Vitamin D compounds, which are further synthesized into beneficial Vitamin D. With most parrots, pre-Vitamin D compounds are released with the oil of the preening gland, which they spread over their body while preening their feathers. With exposure to UVB rays, the secretions are converted to Vitamin D3, which is then ingested with subsequent preening. Exposure to natural sunlight enhances the capacity to deliver oxygen to tissues of the body, similar to exercise. This is particularly beneficial for parrots whose ability to exercise is greatly reduced due to being caged for most of the day or having their wings clipped. Natural sunlight increases the production of lymphocytes, or white blood cells, which play a major role in defending the body against infections. Natural sunlight also kills bacteria and can help disinfect and heal wounds in addition to reducing fungal infections of the skin. Over the past several decades exposure to natural sunlight has been frowned upon to the point of paranoia. Now, we are beginning to discover more and more benefits to moderate daily exposure. But how do we determine how much sun is enough? Unfortunately, there is no scientific information to answer this question for birds.
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But, with the information we know about humans and tropical birds’ natural environment, we can estimate how much natural sunlight is safe for your parrot. The average human requires about 10 to 15 minutes of natural sunlight daily to reap the benefits. People with dark skin, living in northern climates, require up to six times that amount. Given that the natural habitat of dark-skinned people and tropical birds are similar we can estimate that parrots require about the same amount of natural sunlight daily, approximately an hour to an hour and a half. Parrots, in their natural habitat, are exposed to direct sunlight in the morning, while foraging for food and frolicking with their mate or siblings, and in late afternoon before they head back to their roosting spot. They take shelter from the intense sun in the early afternoon. If your parrot can be outside for about an hour that’s great but any amount of time your parrot is exposed to natural sunlight is better than none at all. A short walk when weather permits or sitting outside while having lunch are great opportunities to get your parrot outside. While natural sunlight does not pose a risk to parrots, extreme heat can be dangerous. If you plan to hike on a hot day, bring along a water mister so you can cool yourself and your parrot. Predators are always a risk when you take your parrot outside. You can protect them by using a travel carrier or a body harness designed specifically for parrots. Although we must rely on supplemental indoor lighting during the cooler months, Mother Nature does it best and we should take advantage of this. The benefits of natural sunlight far outweigh any risk and if you are smart and take appropriate precautions you and your parrot will be better for it. Just remember how great you felt the last time you vacationed in a tropical climate. That is how your parrots should always feel.
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ESTERN 6ETERINARY 3PECIALIST AND %MERGENCY #ENTRE RECOGNIZES THAT YOUR PET IS AN IMPORTANT FAM ILY MEMBER AND UNDERSTANDS THE STRESS AND GRIEF INVOLVED WITH A SE RIOUS ILLNESS INJURY OR THE LOSS OF A PET )T CAN BE HARD TO lND OTHERS WHO UNDERSTAND HOW IMPORTANT YOUR PETS ARE TO YOU AND THEIR SIGNIlCANCE IN YOUR LIFE 7ESTERN 6ET OFFERS PROFESSIONAL COUNSELLING SER VICES TO ASSIST YOU IN DEALING WITH FEELINGS OF GRIEF
ANGER SHOCK OR CONFUSION THAT OFTEN ACCOMPANY THE LOSS OF A PET AND TO MAKE SOMEONE AVAILABLE TO TALK WITH ABOUT DIFlCULT DECISIONS REGARDING YOUR PET S TREATMENT OR EUTHANASIA *UDITH "LYTHE IS 7ESTERN 6ET S GRIEF SPECIALIST AND SHE IS AVAILABLE FOR ONE ON ONE APPOINTMENTS ON 7EDNESDAYS AT THE CENTRE AND PHONE APPOINT MENTS THE REST OF THE WEEK *UDITH HAS A -ASTERS IN SOCIAL WORK AND HAS BEEN A GRIEF SPECIALIST FOR MANY YEARS IN THE HUMAN REALM AND FOR THE LAST EIGHT YEARS HAS FOCUSED ON COUNSELLING PET PARENTS AT 7ESTERN 6ET h7ESTERN 6ET IS A LEADER IN THIS AREA v SAYS *U DITH h7HEN ) BEGAN THERE WERE TO MY KNOWLEDGE
ONLY TWO OF US IN #ANADA DOING THIS KIND OF WORK v 4HE NUMBER OF PEOPLE *UDITH TALKS TO EACH WEEK IN PERSON OR ON THE PHONE HAS INCREASED SIGNIlCANTLY SINCE SHE STARTED h0EOPLE ARE BECOMING MORE OPEN TO THIS TYPE OF GRIEF COUNSELLING v SHE SAYS h.OW THERE IS MORE AWARENESS ABOUT HOW SIGNIl CANT THE LOSS OF A PET CAN BE v
4HE CHALLENGE FOR SOME PEOPLE IS THEY VE LOST A SUPREMELY SIGNIlCANT BEING IN THEIR LIVES !ND WHEN THEY LOSE THIS WONDERFUL ANIMAL THAT GIVES THEM UN CONDITIONAL LOVE AND HAS BEEN THEIR CONSTANT COM PANION IT S VERY DIFlCULT SAYS *UDITH h&OR EXAMPLE
) OFTEN HAVE PEOPLE DECLARE THAT THEY LOST ONE OF THEIR PARENTS SIX MONTHS AGO AND THEY FEEL WORSE NOW AFTER LOSING THEIR PET THAN THEY DID THEN h-Y RESPONSE IS @$ID YOUR MOTHER SLEEP AT THE END OF YOUR BED OR DID SHE GREET YOU AT THE DOOR EVERY TIME YOU CAME HOME v SHE EXPLAINS h4HESE ANIMALS ARE SO SIGNIlCANT TO SOME PEOPLE ˆ THEY MAKE YOU LAUGH AND GIVE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE ˆ WHICH ) THINK IS REALLY NOT POSSIBLE IN THE HUMAN REALM v %VERY INDIVIDUAL EXPERIENCES GRIEF DIFFERENTLY h3OME PEOPLE COME IN ONCE SOME COME TWO OR THREE TIMES BUT THEN THERE ARE SOME WHO COME TO ME ON A REGULAR BASIS FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS AND YET OTHERS COME BACK FOR A hBOOSTER SHOTv EVERY ONCE AND A WHILE v SAYS *UDITH h3OMETIMES GRIEF CAN REAR ITS HEAD A YEAR LATER
AND THEY CAN T UNDERSTAND WHY THEY ARE STILL THINK ING ABOUT THEIR PET v SHE ADDS h) TRY TO NORMAL IZE THAT FOR THEM BECAUSE IF THEY HAVEN T HAD THE CHANCE TO GRIEVE WHEN THEY lRST LOST THEIR PET IT S /+ TO COME IN A YEAR LATER OR WHENEVER THEY FEEL THE NEED v 0ET PARENTS AREN T THE ONLY ONES WHO ACCESS *UDITH S SERVICES -ANY VETS AND STAFF MEMBERS GO TO *UDITH TO DISCUSS THE MANY CHALLENGES THEY FACE
DAILY FROM DEALING WITH SERIOUSLY ILL PETS TO EUTHA NASIA COMMUNICATING WITH PET PARENTS AND OTHER STRESSORS ON THE JOB h6ETS GO INTO THIS PROFESSION ) THINK BECAUSE THEY LOVE ANIMALS AND THEY LOVE TO BE WITH ANIMALS "UT ON A DAILY BASIS THEY SEE SO MANY ANIMALS IN PAIN AND SUFFERING AND THAT TAKES ITS TOLL v SHE SAYS )F YOU WOULD LIKE TO ACCESS *UDITH S COUNSELLING SERVICES PLEASE CALL 7ESTERN 6ET AT AND MAKE AN APPOINTMENT
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Back across the Rainbow Bridge By Rebecca Stares
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’m nearly certain that everyone who’s lost a pet has heard of the Rainbow Bridge, the passageway between this life and the next, which animals use to cross over. It is both a beacon and a safe passageway for animals when they die, and it is comforting in times of grief to be reminded of it. My beloved Joe took the journey across the Rainbow Bridge long before I was ready for it. What I didn’t know until he passed, was that the Rainbow Bridge is not a oneway street — our beloved animals can cross over it, in spirit, to visit us. It was almost instantaneously that Joe started visiting me from the other side, helping me to heal my heavy heart. Joe was a hound/boxer cross, white with brown spots, and I loved him from the moment I saw him. He was the perfect dog for me, and above all, my best buddy. He was easy to recognize, even in spirit form, and I knew immediately when he was with me. Joe MAINTAINED AN UNMISTAKABLE PRESENCE VIbrant, uncontained energy, an exuberant being. Death did not change any of it. Searching the web I found hundreds of stories from people all over the world who assert with confidence that their pet has visited them from the other side: finding a FAVOURITE TOY NOT QUITE WHERE YOU LEFT IT SEEING HIS FORM FROM THE CORNER OF YOUR EYE reaching down to pet him and realizing there’s no physical form to touch. It wasn’t limited to dogs and cats either, but applied to horses, pigs, goats, birds, rabbits, reptiles, etc. Given my experiences with Joe, I’m inclined to believe that animals come back to visit more often than not. Joe’s visits were not uncommon, especially in the year following his death. I would feel his presence in the woods where we used to go walking and take comfort in knowing I was not alone. Many times I would awaken from sleep feeling the outline of his body next to mine. I’ve felt his energy bound through the room and watched the movement of my cat’s eyes as he was tracking it — another sign of validation. All of this raises some interesting questions: What compels our pets to cross back over Rainbow Bridge to visit? Why do some seem to visit more often and others not at all? Are they ghosts, and if so, does that mean they are trapped as ghosts? The last would be unfortunate if it were true.
Animal spirits who visit their human and animal friends, are not ghosts. The difference being that while a ghost is trapped energy, a spirit has successfully crossed over and has the ability to return for brief engagements. They offer validation of a bond that transcends the physical plane. They return to check in on us for reasons of curiosity and to ensure our well being, even helping to heal our grief and helping us move on and adjust to their absence. They teach us that death does not close our hearts to love or developing new bonds. Interestingly, despite Joe being exclusively my dog, I am not the only recipient of his visits. Many of my friends and family members have reported feeling Joe’s presence and having him visit in their dreams. Even visitors in my home have asked what happened to the big white dog who had been running through the yard. (Gives me goosebumps!) Busy helper always comes barrelling in bringing joy and laughter and untold comfort that leaves a distinct and impressionable mark on the day. The next time you think your departed animal is visiting, don’t dismiss it. It’s not your imagination, nor is it just wishful thinking. It’s a visit, and it’s a good thing. —Rebecca Stares is a clinical social worker, intuitive counsellor and animal communicator. Visit www.spiritedconnections.ca for more info.
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