Bully Blues

Nobody likes a bully – here are the top tips on recognizing, dealing with and preventing bullying

By Sarah Robinson

One of the worst things to find out as a parent is that your child is being bullied at school. Perhaps even worse, though, is to find out your kid is the bully.

Every kid gets picked on here or there – it’s an unfortunate part of growing up. But what do you do when the teasing gets worse and your child’s self-esteem and safety are called into question?

Westerville City Schools Director of Mental Health and Wellness Tami Santa has some tips on handling this sticky situation and addressing common questions parents may have.

What should I do if I find out my child is being bullied?

“The good news is there’s policy – board (of education) policies and protections – for helping our students in those situations,” says Santa. “We take those reports very seriously. … There’s a very systematic process in place at every building.”

If your child confides in you that they are being bullied at school, Santa says it’s important to let your child lead the conversation.

“Be really careful as (you) listen and ask open-ended questions,” she says. “We want to gather as many facts as we can, (but) don’t want to lead those questions.”

Santa says it’s important to let your child tell you what’s going on to be able to assess the situation before taking the next steps in getting others involved.

Who needs to get involved when there’s a bullying situation?

“The classroom teacher is a wonderful starting point,” says Santa. “When there is a true situation of bullying, we’re going to get connected with each other, whether that starts with the teacher, that’s going to end up on the school, counselor and principal’s plate.”

Santa says it’s best to start with a teacher or school staff member who you or your child has a strong relationship with, whether that’s their classroom teacher, guidance counselor or principal, and they can take it from there.

“(They) will involve the necessary people without over involving too many people, so that we can gather the information that’s needed and, most importantly, support the student who’s struggling,” she says.

How do I know if my child is a bully?

“We get this question all the time: ‘What if my kid’s the bully?’ As a parent, that’s a fear of many of us,” says Santa. “If your child is identified as a bully or in a bullying situation, there could be lots of things happening there, whether it’s just a problem where the student really struggles to handle conflict, … or do they get frustrated really easily and not value their peers’ opinions, or are there some more things going on?”

Santa says there isn’t just one idea of what a bully looks like. Some may have lots of friends, some might not have any. It’s important to look for warning signs like your child acting more aggressive toward their peers, friends or classmates.

Finding More Help

The Student Well Being page on the Westerville City Schools website offers numerous parent and student resources. Check it out online at www.westerville.k12. oh.us/administration/103.

How should I talk to my kids about bullying?

Santa says it’s never too early to start talking to your kids about bullying, but she cautions parents to use ageappropriate messages.

“I don’t think we think as parents to talk about bullying until it’s happened,” says Santa. “(Do) that pre-work of saying the clear messages – bullying is never OK, let’s talk about what bullying looks like, let’s talk about the consequences, let’s talk about that other role there, which is when you see bullying, what do you do in real life? So, helping our children understand as early as we possibly can.”

Santa says it’s important to have those conversations not just early, but often. The wealth of available books, videos, podcasts and more focused on bullying can help to start and continue those discussions at every level.

“The more we can do and model, if we can teach and model kindness and respect for all sorts of folks, that’s huge,” she says.

Sarah Robinson is an assistant editor. Feedback welcome at feedback@cityscenemediagroup.com.

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