free will ASTROLOGY

BY ROB BREZSNY

ARIES (March 21-April 19)

We’re always telling ourselves stories—in essence, movies in our minds. We are the producer, the director, the special effects team, the voice-over narrator and all the actors in these inner dramas. Are their themes repetitious and negative or creative and life-affirming? The coming weeks will be a favorable time to work on emphasizing the latter. If the tales unfolding in your imagination are veering off in a direction that provokes anxiety, reassert your directorial authority. Firmly and playfully reroute them so they uplift and enchant you.

TAURUS

(April

20-May 20)

A famous coach once said his method was to manipulate, coax and even bully players into doing things they didn’t like to do. Why? So they could build toughness and willpower, making it more likely they would accomplish formidable feats. While this approach may work for some tasks, it’s not right for many others. Here’s a further nuance: The grind-it-out-doing-unpleasantthings may be apt for certain phases of a journey to success, but not for other phases. Here’s the good news, Taurus: For now, you have mostly completed doing what you don’t love to do. In the coming weeks, your freedom to focus on doing fun things will expand dramatically.

Gemini

(May 21-June 20)

Most of us have an area of our lives where futility is a primary emotion. This may be a once-exciting dream that never got traction. It could be a skill that we’ve never found a satisfying way to express. The epicenter of our futility could be a relationship that has never lived up to its promise or a potential we haven’t been able to ripen. Wherever this fruitlessness resides in your own life, Gemini, I have an interesting prediction: During the next 12 months, you will either finally garner some meaningful fulfillment through it or else find a way to outgrow it.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

Many of us Cancerians have high levels of perseverance. Our resoluteness and doggedness may be uncanny. But we often practice these subtle superpowers with such sensitive grace that they’re virtually invisible to casual observers. We appear modest and gentle, not fierce and driven. For instance, this is the first time I have bragged about the fact that I have composed over 2,000 consecutive horoscope columns without ever missing a deadline. Anyway, my fellow Crabs, I have a really good feeling about how much grit and determination you will be able to marshal in the coming months. You may break your own personal records for tenacity.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

Why do geese fly in a V formation? For one thing, it conserves energy. Every bird except the leader enjoys a reduction in wind resistance. As the flight progresses, the geese take turns guiding in front. Soaring along in this shape also seems to aid the birds’ communication and coordination. I suggest you consider making this scenario your inspiration, dear Leo. You are entering a phase when synergetic cooperation with others is even more important than usual. If you feel called to lead, be ready and willing to exert yourself—and be open to letting your associates serve as leaders. For extra credit: Do a web search for an image of migrating geese and keep it in a prominent place for the next four weeks.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

I boldly predict that you will soon locate a missing magic key. Hooray! It hasn’t been easy. There has been luck involved, but your Virgo-style diligence and ingenuity has been crucial. I also predict that you will locate the door that the magic key will unlock. Now here’s my challenge: Please fulfill my two predictions no later than the solstice. To aid your search, meditate on this question: “What is the most important breakthrough for me to accomplish in the next six weeks?”

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Losing something we value may make us sad. It can cause us to doubt ourselves and wonder if we have fallen out of favor with the Fates or are being punished by God. I’ve experienced deflations and demoralizations like that on far more occasions than I want to remember. And yet, I have noticed that when these apparent misfortunes have happened, they have often opened up space for new possibilities that would not otherwise have come my way. They have emptied out a corner of my imagination that becomes receptive to a fresh dispensation. I predict such a development for you, Libra.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Kissing is always a worthy way to spend your leisure time, but I foresee an even finer opportunity in the coming weeks: magnificent kissing sprees that spur you to explore unplumbed depths of wild tenderness. On a related theme, it’s always wise to experiment with rich new shades and tones of intimacy. But you are now eligible for an unusually profound excursion into these mysteries. Are you bold and free enough to glide further into the frontiers of fascinating togetherness?

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Antonie van Leeuwenhoek (1632–1723) worked at a variety of jobs. He sold cloth, was a land surveyor and bookkeeper. He managed the affairs of his city’s sheriffs and supervised wine imports and taxation. By the way, he also had a hobby: lensmaking. This ultimately led to a spectacular outcome. Leeuwenhoek created the world’s first high-powered microscope and was instrumental in transforming microbiology into a scientific discipline. In accordance with astrological omens, I propose we make him your inspirational role model in the coming months, Sagittarius. What hobby or pastime or amusement could you turn into a central passion?

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

I wonder if you weren’t listened to attentively when you were a kid. Is it possible you weren’t hugged enough or consistently treated with the kindness you deserved and needed? I’m worried there weren’t enough adults who recognized your strengths and helped nurture them. But if you did endure any of this mistreatment, dear Capricorn, I have good news. During the next 12 months, you will have opportunities to overcome at least some of the neglect you experienced while young. Here’s the motto you can aspire to: “It’s never too late to have a fruitful childhood and creative adolescence.”

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

As I’ve explored healing my traumas and disturbances over the past 20 years, I’ve concluded that the single most effective healer I can work with is my own body. Expert practitioners are crucial, but their work requires my body’s purposeful, collaborative engagement. The warm animal home I inhabit has wisdom about what it needs, how to get it and how to work with the help it receives from other healers. The key is to refine the art of listening to its counsel. It has taken me a while to learn its language, but I’m making progress. Dear Aquarius, in the coming weeks, you can make strides in developing such a robust relationship with your body.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

Can we surmise what life might be like as the expansive planet Jupiter rumbles through your astrological House of Connections and Communications? I expect you will be even more articulate and persuasive than usual. Your ability to create new alliances and nurture old ones will be at a peak. By the way, the House of Communications and Connections is also the House of Education and Acumen. So I suspect you will learn a lot during this time. It’s likely you will be brainier and more perceptive than ever before. Important advice: Call on your waxing intelligence to make you wiser as well as smarter.

ACROSS

1. Darth Vader’s boyhood nickname

4. “____ la vista!”

9. Big name in transmission repair

14. Eggy seasonal drink

15. Infotainment program once co-hosted by Ryan Seacrest

16. Spin, as a baton

17. Pair of contacts? (SNOW + SLEET)

19. Thrown for a loop

20. “I’ve had ____ to here with you!”

21. Try, as a case

23. Scott in an 1857 case

24. Maritime first responder: Abbr.

25. “I’m such a ding-dong!”

27. Orthodontist’s org.

28. Sound of a sly chuckle

29. Seed covering

33. “____ away” (“RuPaul’s Drag Race” catchphrase)

35. With 43-Across, what a worried game show contestant might do? (SNOW + FREEZING RAIN)

37. Makes use (of)

38. Why a person might choose skim milk over whole milk? (RAIN + SLEET)

40. P.R. liability

43. See 35-Across

47. Counsel 48. Shutter part 49. “Look at THAT!” 50. Drug that’s dropped 51. Poli ____ 53. Be insufferably sweet 54. Spencer of “Good Morning America”

56. Arduous journey 59. Fleischer and Onassis

60. Prayer opening

62. January weather forecast, perhaps ... or this puzzle’s theme

65. Where Hercules completed his first labor

66. “____ these mean streets like a villain”: Patti Smith

67. Ristorante suffix

68. Writing contest entry, maybe 69. Meshlike 70. ____ Fridays DOWN

1. Carpenter ____ 2. “Ah, makes sense” 3. “Ah, makes sense”

Good for Bad

Starting this month, people with bad credit may be able to get federally insured mortgages, thanks to other people getting new loans with good credit. I’m so not making this up!

4. Dickens villain Uriah

5. ____ Arbor, Michigan

6. Meeting, informally

7. Cute, cutely

8. Syrian strongman Bashar al-____

9. Justice Dept. division

10. Make ____ (earn big bucks)

11. Fashion designer and judge on “Project Runway All Stars”

12. Guided by a statement of faith

13. “Good” times?

18. Haul

22. 1982 Grammy winner for Record of the Year

24. 1989 “Weird Al” Yankovic movie about TV

26. “____ Got Time for the Pain” (1974 hit)

29. Montezuma’s people

30. 2021 Aretha Franklin biopic

31. Happening offline, to a texter

32. “Thank you for coming to ____! Sit back and relax! Enjoy the show!” (old theater chain jingle) 34. It’s a wrap in Bollywood

Last week’s answers

Roughly 25% of homebuyers with FHA loans are people of color who, on average, have fewer savings for down payments on homes and condos and often have lower credit scores. Newsweek reported that this can be attributed to distrust of the banking system or even a lack of understanding of the nation’s financial systems among first-generation Americans. Data from FinMasters noted that the average credit score in white communities was 727 in 2021 compared to 667 in Hispanic communities and 627 in Black communities.

The new incentives come at a cost for buyers with good credit who saved money, and some believe this unfairly penalizes Americans with a stable history. Critics charge that rewarding folks with bad credit doesn’t help access to housing. Instead, we should focus on inflation, cutting energy costs and investing in infrastructure in cities across the nation.

This program will increase mortgage payments for good-credit buyers by roughly $40 per month.

It reminds me of the years 2007 and 2008 when minimum-wage workers were approved for huge home loans without any money as a down payment and not great credit. Sadly, many of them lost their homes when the Great Recession hit.

Certainly, people with lower income should have an opportunity to own a home. But the question is will those with bad credit be able to make payments on time? The mortgage broker I work with is more than willing to help first-time homebuyers understand not just the process of getting a home loan, but often to repair the potential buyer’s bad credit before applying for a mortgage—at no cost to the borrower.

It’s imperative to get pre-approved for a loan before making an offer on a home, as the protocol is to show the seller that the borrower has passed certain loan guidelines.

There’s lots of grumbling in the industry about this new program, but the basic facts are that 1. inventory is low and 2. affordable housing is extremely hard to find unless you’re willing to commute to the suburbs.

And when closing costs for a mortgage are 2% to 3% of the sales price, an extra $40 shouldn’t break the bank for a first-time buyer—especially if the buyer’s broker can negotiate with the seller to help pay some of the buyer’s closing costs.

BY THE EDITORS AT ANDREWS MCMEEL

Creme de la Weird

For the first time since the COVID-19 pandemic began, a ritual event took place at the Sensoji Temple in Tokyo on April 22, The Guardian reported. The traditional “crying sumo” event features pairs of infants, held up by the parents facing each other, who are frightened into crying by staff wearing “oni” demon masks. The first baby to cry wins the match. “We can tell a baby’s health condition by listening to the way they cry,” said Hisae Watanabe, mother of an 8-month-old. “I want to hear her healthy crying.” Crying sumo events are held throughout the country. “In Japan, we believe babies who cry powerfully also grow up healthily,” explained Shigemi Fuji, chairman of the Asakusa Tourism Federation, which organized the event.

Clothing Optional

Police in Mesa, Arizona, responded to the One Life Church on April 16 after receiving a call about a naked man in the church’s baptismal fountain, AZCentral reported. Officers said Jeremiah Sykes, 20, was asked to leave repeatedly but wouldn’t comply; he then wrapped himself in a blanket and wandered about the property.

Sykes told officers he was baptizing himself. During his booking procedure, he punched two officers, compounding his charges.

Wrong Place, Wrong Time

Shivdayal Sharma, 82, died in a freak accident in the Alwar region of India on April 19, LBC reported. As Sharma urinated near a train track, a Vande Bharat express train struck a cow, launching it 100 feet into the air before it landed on him. Sharma was killed instantly, and another man narrowly escaped being hit also. Ironically, Sharma worked at Indian Railways before retiring 23 years ago. Officials are calling for metal fencing to keep cows away from the tracks, along with the removal of garbage and vegetation.

The Passing Parade

On April 19, Viktoria Nasyrova, 47, of Brooklyn, New York, was sentenced to 21 years in prison for a bizarre plot that she cooked up against a lookalike friend from Ukraine, NBC News reported. Nasyrova wanted to avoid being sent back to Russia, where she faced charges in a 2014 murder, according to the Queens district attorney’s office. So in 2016, she laced a cheesecake with phenazepam, a powerful toxin found only in Russia, and fed it to her “friend.” The victim survived, but her Ukrainian passport and $4,000 in cash were stolen. Nasyrova’s attorney said that she will likely be deported after serving her sentence.

The Continuing Crisis

In Carmarthenshire, Wales, residents have responded to the condition of a rural road that they describe as the “worst in the county” with a clever road sign, Wales Online reported on April 27. “Caution: Remove dentures.

Adjust bra straps. Secure your nuts,” the sign reads. Abergorlech Road is full of potholes, and while some have been filled, local residents believe that “the road is so worn and damaged that it requires complete resurfacing in many places,” a spokesman said. “Whilst the sign is intended to be funny, the constant wear and tear on our vehicles is a real issue.” The Carmarthenshire Council contends, however, that there is no money budgeted for resurfacing, but residents say it’s “ironic that the police can check our vehicles to ensure that they’re safe for the road, but no one is ensuring that the road is safe for our vehicles.” Maybe it’s time to call the Terminator.

Awesome!

Seventh-grader Dillon Reeves of Warren, Michigan, is being hailed as a hero after he came to the rescue of a wayward school bus on April 26, ABC News reported. Reeves noticed as he was riding the bus home from school that the driver was “in distress.” Superintendent Robert D. Livernois said the student “stepped to the front of the bus and helped bring it to a stop without incident. I could not be prouder of his efforts.” The bus driver had lost consciousness; emergency personnel tended to the driver, and students were delivered home on another bus.

Inexplicable

The Madison County (Texas) Sheriff’s Office is investigating the mysterious mutilations and deaths of six cows spread over three counties, Fox News reported on April 22. The cows were found along a highway with their tongues cut out, but strangely, no blood had been spilled and there were no signs of the cattle struggling. Furthermore, investigators said, the carcasses had lain undisturbed by scavengers for several weeks. All the cows were found in the same position: lying on their side, with the face cut along the jawline and the tongue neatly removed. There were no discernable tracks in the area, sheriff’s officers said. They’re working with other law enforcement agencies across the U.S. to identify similar incidents.

T The Coniston Tavern in Nuneaton, England, is allegedly haunted by the ghost of a former drinker there, according to the landlord, Andy Gadsby. Fox News reported that on April 24, CCTV video captured an incident where a beer glass suddenly exploded, showering three pals with shards of glass. Earlier, at the same table, a different customer’s glass suddenly slid to the floor. Gadsby said the ghost is Dave, who used to live in an apartment above the pub. “One night he drank a bottle of brandy and had a heart attack and died,” Gadsby said. “Maybe his spirit is around the pub and he’s desperately trying to pinch people’s drinks. The two incidents have spooked people out.”

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