PRIVATE EYE

Hey, sane Utahns! Here's your chance to ask Burgess Owens anything you'd like. He doesn't know Utah and doesn't speak to Utahns, but we can try. Each author of a published question will get a $25 prize from City Weekly.

THIS WEEK'S WINNER

Hey Burgess, Why don’t you realize that the best economy is a mixture of capitalism and socialism?

Why won’t you admit that our healthcare system, even if it included Medicare for All, is not totally socialistic.

Why don’t you recognize that our hospitals and clinics are not owned by the government, and our doctors, nurses, et al, are not hired by the government? STEPHEN CLARK Salt Lake City

SEND YOUR ‘ASK BURGESS’ QUESTIONS TO JOHN@CITYWEEKLY.NET

They’re Against It

Most readers know I basically grew up inside a mine, with railroad tracks on either side of my little community of Lead Mine in Bingham Canyon. I later worked in the mine itself for several summers engaged as a trackman on the college gangs. Back then, Kennecott Copper would hire 100 or so additional college students as summer employees. We all had family in the mine and that was the predicate for most of us getting hired—basically nepotism of nearly the worst kind, since sending a college kid into a mine to be crushed by heavy machinery is hardly the kind of upward mobility nepotism bestows. You want nepotism?—better to be one of the Trump kids.

I was sent to the clinic a couple times a er getting bashed with various track repair tools or for getting acid water blown into my eyes. It was a dangerous place. I nearly lost one of my best friends, Jeff Tibolla, to a mining accident. He spent days in a hospital a er a track-shi ing machine tried to cut him in half. But he knew he was lucky since mining accidents killed someone in the mine with common regularity back then, and before back then, when our parents and grandparents worked there, it was even worse.

So, it is with some irony that the one thing that finally kept me from work the past couple of weeks was not a giant boulder falling on my head, taking an electrical shock from a fallen trolley cable or from having my feet smashed under a piece of menacing machinery. It was from typing too much. Who knew? I guess the character count allowed for my hands reached max level and the only solution was to have carpal tunnel and trigger release surgery to relieve the numbness and pain in both my wrists and hands. It kept me up all night, making me an even less desirable person to hang around with.

I just shake my head thinking of all the seriously dangerous stuff I’ve done in my life to be knocked off my perch by fingers that were no longer even any good for sticking into peanut butter jars. Worse, though, for a guy who never had any good ideas anyway, being out of circulation for just a couple weeks has drained me of finding something worthy to write about, not to mention that during the past two weeks, I discovered a piece of clarity: No matter how much I poke and prod, the people I poke and prod the most—QAnon’s Burgess Owens, CowardAnon’s Chris Stewart and PhonyAnon’s Mike Lee—remain as vibrantly dumb, cynical and self-aggrandizing as ever. ey just are. is week I watched the Marx Brothers’ movie Horse Feathers for the 100th time (fingers on remote control are fine), and remembered that Ecclesiastes 1:9 is as relevant as ever, that is, there is nothing new under the sun. So it is, that when Groucho sang this little ditty to the students at Huxley College, he was just reminding us that even when Owens, Stewart and Lee are finished, someone just like them will come along, because there’s fruit in the GOP tree of always opposing open minds and progress. Herewith, the GOP theme song:

I don’t know what they have to say It makes no difference anyway Whatever it is, I’m against it No matter what it is or who commenced it I’m against it

Your proposition may be good But let’s have one thing understood: Whatever it is, I’m against it And even when you’ve changed it or condensed it I’m against it

For months before my son was born I used to yell from night till morn “Whatever it is, I’m against it.” And I’ve been yelling since I first commenced it I’m against it

Send comments to john@cityweekly.net

MISS: Out Standing in His Field

You’ve seen the movies where, as the world freezes or melts, the climatechange deniers have that come-to-Jesus moment. Everyone pulls together for the good of the Earth and, whew, they dodge a bullet. But that is fiction, and it’s not the kind that motivates the conspiratorial right-wingers of the world. One would think that Utah’s agri-governor, Spencer Cox, sees the light. Instead, he bemoans those who blame water-sucking agriculture. at’s “very uninformed,” Cox told e Salt Lake Tribune, “I might say ignorant.” While agriculture isn’t all to blame, it accounts for about 70% of the water use worldwide, according to the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development. Cox farms alfalfa, not a crop that is largely consumed in the state but rather exported as feed. Meanwhile, the lakes are shrinking, reservoirs are depleted and people are still watering their lawns. at’s not good, either, but it doesn’t look like Cox has a plan other than prayer or shame. Stemming climate change requires long-term thinking, and that’s not the Utah way.

HIT: Vote Local

As the country veers into the depths of voter suppression, a BYU report is encouraging citizens to get out there and make their voices heard—if only in local elections. Get off your high horse, suggests new research published in the American Political Science Review. In other words, recognize that the politics of presidential elections might be way fun, but not nearly as important or impactful as local races. If you sit out those off-cycle elections, you’re basically leaving your future up to a small cabal of interest groups—especially those that oppose what the majority wants. Some 75% of the 25,000 U.S. municipalities hold elections off-cycle, and when you don’t vote in those elections, you “relinquish significant power,” the study says. Utah tends to have low voter turnout in any election, but if you care about development, water use or event pollution, you’d better vote in an off-year election. Voter apathy is more consequential than suppression.

MISS: Pray Tell

Once again, the nation focuses on fear rather than the root causes of hate. In fact, the Pray Safe Act seems to assume that religious discrimination is a greater threat than racial bias. You know why. Politicians don’t really want to tackle race in America, unless it’s to use the boogeyman of Critical Race eory to set the public on fire. It is unsurprising that a Deseret News report sees the “bipartisan” act as protecting religious freedom. “Freedom of worship cannot be enjoyed without freedom from fear,” said Nathan Diament of the Orthodox Union Advocacy Center. While there have been horrific threats and attacks on houses of worship, the rationale is muddy if you point only to religion. Muslims and Jews particularly have been targeted, as have Black churches because of racial loathing. Religion is simply the cover.

Provo Candidate Debate

Provo’s gearing up for quite the campaign season with 15 hopefuls on the ballot. at includes Mayor Michelle Kaufusi, who’s being challenged by four men—one of whom has the email username “letsmakeprovogreatagain.” Wonder where he got that? Kaufusi was Jon Huntsman Jr.’s running mate in his most recent bid for governor, and she has been Provo mayor for the last four years. No one should think that Provo is a monolithic city, although BYU and churchrelated experience dominate candidate profiles. “Discussion topics will include transportation, land use and development, and sustainability,” say the hosts of the 2021 Provo City Council Candidates Debate. Most of the candidates have confirmed their attendance. You may post questions. Virtual, Wednesday, July 28, 7

p.m., free. https://bit.ly/3ySUaVV How Black Athletes Overcame Hitler

Someone will probably claim that this 2016 film and a new book on the subject marked the beginnings of Critical Race eory. Still, it would benefit Americans to familiarize themselves with “Olympic Pride, American Prejudice” and how 18 African American athletes defied Jim Crow and Adolf Hitler at the 1936 Olympic Games in Berlin. ey won both hearts and medals. Author Deborah Riley Draper “exposes the complex, triumphant narratives of these athletes, who represented a country that considered them second-class citizens and competed in a country that rolled out the red carpet for them, despite the rise of Nazism.” Join the Museum of Jewish Heritage for a conversation with Draper. Virtual, ursday, July 29, 5

p.m., free. https://bit.ly/3ii5W5K Earth, Wind and Fire—Not the Band

Climate change is wreaking havoc on our forests and watershed—and oh, that air quality! What can we expect for the future, if not a decimated landscape? “Utah has experienced several of the largest fires in state history in the past few years, leaving large scars in our forests and degrading air quality, fish habitat and water resources.” Is this what we can expect? Will fires be an everyday occurrence and will Utah’s water resources be depleted? ere may be better ways to manage our forests, fires, fish and water resources to ensure better outcomes in the future. At Fired Up: Wildfire, Fish and Water Security in Utah, Utah State University professor Patrick Belmont will help you process the situation as he works to make science useful for policy and management.

Virtual/interactive, ursday, July 29, 6:30 p.m. Free/register at https://bit.ly/3hIMHTD Employment Ethics

You might think this is an oxymoron, but e

Ethics of Employment: COVID-19 & Utah’s

Workforce may disabuse you of that. Experts in Utah’s job market will discuss “how COVID-19 and its many societal impacts exposed and exacerbated existing inequalities, as well as potential solutions for cra ing an equitable recovery for all Utahns.” Utah continues to rank high among the 50 states for the strongest economy, but what happens when federal unemployment benefits get slashed because “slackers” ought to go back to work? e Hinckley Institute Radio Hour hosts a panel that includes Peter Philips of the University of Utah Economics Department; eresa Foxley, president and CEO of the Economic Development Corporation of Utah; Silvia Castro, executive director of the Suazo Business Center; and Heidi Walker, chief operating officer for the Salt Lake Chamber of Commerce. Recorded, any time,

free. https://bit.ly/3id8EJO

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