INTRODUCTION A story has been sold to you for countless generations. The main character of this story was you. For years, the CEOs had you believe that you were born into this world for a purpose and that one day you would achieve it.
You can't really achieve happiness.
They told you to go after your dreams and pursue happiness, in the belief that you would one day possess them. Unfortunately, you were led on a wild goose chase. You were told to chase happiness and go after your dreams, but you ended up being fooled into pursuing something intangible instead of something real. Well, I'm here to wake you up to what is real. The truth is...
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Now before you chuck this book into the recycle bin, realize that it's not as big of a deal as you think (though you should've seen my face when I figured this out). It’s just that the happiness you thought you were shooting for might not be as easy to get or as clearly defined as you once believed.
We think that if we augment ourselves to what society wants, we’ll be that much closer to true happiness. For example, I used to think success meant a big mansion and fast cars, and happiness was getting a hot wife and having geniuses for kids. Did I come up this myself? No, but at the time, I wasn’t aware.
Throughout our lives, we place so much value on finding our purpose and obtaining happiness. And while we look for them, there are influences all around us, spanning anywhere from the countless history books to the elders of society themselves.
I struggled with this idea of happiness for a while, to the point where I was just about ready to doubt whether I could ever truly be happy. Luckily, I was able figure out why I was so confused.
We think because they’re older, the books and the elders have all the answers. And to some extent, they do. Much can be learned from the written teachings of Buddha and the advice of your grandparents.
I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, so I sought someone else to decide it for me. To achieve my own happiness, I had to focus on what I wanted and not on what society thought I wanted.
But it’s ultimately because of this constant search for meaning that we’re so easily led astray.
This goes for you too. If you’re willing, put aside your preconceived notions of what happiness is.
When we don’t trust ourselves to decide what our own purpose is, we seek the approval of others to tell us how to live, how to dress, and how to act.
You don't have to chase the carrot on the stick anymore. You don't have to pursue what you can't touch.
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Instead, you can go after what you've been working for all this time; the right to enjoy life on your own terms. The purpose of life is not to achieve happiness, a mere emotion, but to engage in the actions that evoke it. I’ve taken the steps to discover these actions and have been living a life of enjoyment ever since. I hope that this book teaches you how to fashion your life so that you can do the same.
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Don't let anyone decide the future but yourself
Schools are constantly working to churn out math and science geniuses (or high school and college dropouts). They spend more time on memorization and less time on encouraging students to embrace their hobbies.
My first mistake was allowing others to decide my future for me. In doing that, I relinquished responsibility over myself, blaming others whenever I got into trouble and seeking material things to make me happy.
Society tries to force people into the same mold, but everyone's not the same.
When I found out my parents wanted me to be a surgeon, I was ecstatic. I knew surgeons made a lot of money, and it was an honorable profession as well. What I didn’t know is that being a surgeon didn’t align with what I wanted out of life. No offense to the profession, but I didn’t want to work for most of the day opening people up. Learning new things and reading books was where my passions lay.
The child with a mind bursting with creativity is lumped with the other "defects", put in a position where he has to decide between making lots of money doing what is acceptable, or working for minimum wage to make his passion worth something. Why does this happen, you ask? Purely because society laid out this foundation; a foundation that's been in power for decades. In exchange for years of conventional servitude, the people soak in steady income and honor and praise. The result: better doctors, lawyers, and engineers.
So I took a chance. I turned my back on the conventional path in favor of becoming a writer.
But where does that leave people like you and me, whose passions lie not in doing work that doesn't matter, but work that matters to you?
Instead of looking to others to decide your future, ask yourself, who are you living for? For yourself or for others?
That's where this movement comes in. The path to freedom begins now.
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These are two terms you’re going to need to know. To put it simply: “Happiness” is an emotion attached to whatever society thinks is enjoyable or embodies success. Whether that means through getting laid with a lot of women or a lot of men (sex sells), or buying lots of clothes and useless technology, if you achieve this, you’ll definitely feel good. Chance of acquiring: Portrayed to be easily attainable, but it’ll cost you a lot of your time and money.
HAPPINESS
Longevity: At the most, will last for a few days or weeks after each purchase/engagement (depending on how materialistic you are).
“HAPPINESS”
VS.
Happiness is an emotion that we know we can’t possess. What’s important, however, is what it symbolizes. The actions you take that give you the most enjoyment— that is happiness. Chance of acquiring: 100%. Minimal to no purchases required...as long as you do what you enjoy. Longevity: It can potentially last an entire lifetime.
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THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS IS A LOST CAUSE Year after year, you're told the same story―that your primary goal in life is to achieve happiness. What you don't know is that the happiness everyone's been brainwashed into going after isn't something you can achieve. You can't buy it in small amounts or bag it up and save it for when you need it.
• how well you get paid/how good your job is What I’m about to share with you is how I think most American children (like myself ) are raised to seek employment in order to obtain happiness. It’s a pretty sad cycle, albeit a very clever process. One that persists to this day.
Unfortunately, not everybody knows this. For decades we've tried to find ways to quantify happiness. Now we’ve found ways, or, in other words, society has found ways to sell us the dream of happiness. Happiness has come to be defined by: • how much you own • how many friends you have • how cool you are • how much sex you’re getting
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HOW I WAS RAISED TO JOIN THE RAT RACE As a young boy, I originally saw life as an adventure. A mythical journey with an interesting surprise at every turn. Seriously, I used to believe that this was how life was. Paying bills, getting jobs, driving cars; none of that mattered. Rather, I was more interested in getting life to reveal its secrets by running around and playing. The longer I played, the more alive I felt, and the more I enjoyed life.
For a while, everything was great (no wonder childhood is seen as the Golden Age by many!). But that all changed when I let myself become exposed to two things: 1. a TV 2. school The moment I came into contact with these two things, my life would never be the same. Now, I’m not blaming either of these things for the problems I would soon develop. They were just significant factors that helped bring to light the fate of most Americans.
I'd recount the day's events and think to myself: "Life is good. I hope this feeling lasts forever."
The moment I relinquished my own happiness I know you saw this coming.
Like many kids my age, as soon as I laid my eyes on the television, I was hooked. I swear, not a day went by without watching up to 3-4 hours of TV (6 or more on the weekends). Though, I admit, I learned a lot about people and life through the television,; I enjoyed watching nature shows and the hilarious sitcoms. Cartoons were peoples’ imaginations brought to life.
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But the thing that I didn’t notice at the time was the impact of the commercials. Now that I think about it, I saw A LOT of commercials; the majority of them specifically targeted at children.* Every time a commercial came on, I dreaded it (they interrupted my programming), but I’d sit through them nonetheless. They’d typically show kids playing with the hot new toy on the market. But the issue here isn’t what they were advertising, it was how they acted while doing it. In every commercial, they acted happy. No matter what toy they had, the kids were always smiling and laughing. As a child, you wanted to be just like them. You wanted to have the fun that they seemed to be having so much of. Your new objective was to get that toy.
*The
But what could you do? You didn’t have money. You were just a child; powerless and weak... unlike your parents. No, the solution was to complain. To beg and to plead with your parents to get you that toy. Almost immediately, they’d respond with a “no” (or maybe they’d humor you with a “why” first). But that wouldn’t be the end of it. How could it be when you had school to attend to, filled to the brim with people who watched TV just like you! It was funny; we had all seen the exact same commercial. In no time, the latest kid’s toy was the talk of the class. Everybody would share stories of how they asked their parents and got rejected. For a moment, that would make you feel better. But then, there would be that one kid whose parents had said “yes”. We’d stare at him in disbelief. “Yes!? My parents said “no”!” we’d exclaim.
average American child sees over 20,000 30-second TV commercials in one year.”
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In an instant, we knew what we had to do. It was either get this toy, or be left out of happiness.
The happiness the commercial advertised proved to be short-lived.
There’d be hell to pay when you got home from school.
Oh, but wait! There’s another new toy on the market. This time it’s something completely different. And look! The kids are having fun in this one too.
The birth of consumerism This time, you wouldn’t accept “no” for an answer. You would do more than just beg. Instead you’d erupt! Your rage would know no bounds. You’d do whatever it took to get that toy.
Maybe more toys meant more happiness. And so, the cycle continued. But it didn’t stop there.
Then, after much yelling, your parents would give in (trust me, they ALL give in). At long last, the happiness that the kids in the commercial had experienced would finally be yours! And for a while, it was. You’d play with your new toy every day, thinking it was definitely worth all the trouble. Even your friends at school seemed happier, as they too acquired that new toy. But then, as with everything else you got as a child, you got bored. The allure of the toy quickly faded.
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Entering the workforce Let’s fast-forward to your teenage years. Hormones are coursing through your veins. Strange thoughts are consuming your brains—mostly that of the opposite sex. What’s more is that the friendships we made in school are becoming more and more significant. You’re also beginning to care more about the self-image you project than how you feel about yourself. But that’s not all. As you grow, the shows you watch and the ads you see on TV are growing with you. No longer are you interested in buying the children’s toys. You’re more interested in the drama-filled shows. However, the guys behind commercial advertising already know this. They know that you’re going through a difficult time of confusion and self-discovery. They’re here to take advantage of this. How do they do that? By putting images and innuendoes of sex in your face and making money from it, that’s how!
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The movies and TV shows start becoming more eroticized. It’s like the media’s sending you a subliminal message to go have sex; if you’re not doing it, you’re missing out. What do you think happens when you get back to school the next day? Everybody’s talking about it. Everyone wants to do it. You hear the cool kids are having it too. Unfortunately, sex doesn’t seem as easy to get as a toy. You can’t just ask your parents to get it for you. Your parents have also portrayed sex as something forbidden. It seemed all hope was lost... thankfully, we had our good friend the television to tell us what to do. You turn it on, and what do you see? Not a toy (of course not, you’ve outgrown them by now) but something better. Shiny technology and name-brand clothing that could potentially boost your social proof. The Ipad. A new car. The next laptop. The hottest clothes. And look at the commercials. The people in them all looked so cool. You know what being cool got you, right? It got you lots of friends.
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And when you have lots of friends, you’ll be really popular. And when you’re popular, you get lots of sex, which, in addition to your body wanting it, you heard was good. That’s it then. You had no choice but to get what you saw on TV. But again, there came another roadblock. You weren’t a kid anymore. You already hit puberty—you had responsibilities now. So when you asked your parents for [insert highlycommercialized product here], they’d respond with: “How old are you? Get a job.” Eureka! The only thing that stood between you and ultimate happiness seemed to be a job. So, like everyone else, you got one. Finally, you’re getting paid; now you could buy whatever you wanted. This must be happiness. Or so it seemed.
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YOUR IDEALS HAVE BEEN RE-SHAPED So let’s say you got a job. You got the gadgets—popularity was yours. You got the sex. But for some reason, you still felt unfulfilled. You didn’t realize it at the time, but you were still confused. Maybe you felt great in the moment, but even when you looked back on all the fun memories, you continued to feel empty inside. But at this time in your life, it didn’t matter. You had colleges to apply to. There were craploads of college letters (read: more ads) to sort through. And just look at the packaging! The kids seem happy there. Maybe if you went there, you’d be happy too. Besides, if you ended up not being happy, you’d still be able to get a degree, which will get you a better job, so you could buy more stuff and be even happier! And on and on it went. From college to employment to marriage to children: the things that everyone said would make you happy ultimately didn’t.
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The point of this story isn’t what you think it is... I didn’t write this to bring to light the “evil” that is television or toys or gadgets or sex. The problem really isn’t even the stuff you buy—it actually stems from two things about ourselves: • our narcissism • our desire to belong These personal traits are a bit more complicated, so I’ll explain them below.
1. We’re the “wrong” kind of selfish It doesn’t matter what you say; we’re all selfish in some way. But don’t feel bad about it. Without selfishness, you’d give away all of your stuff to other people. You’d most likely die as a result of being completely selfless.
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What’s important to note, however, is that we tend to have the wrong kind of selfishness. When you’re young, you tend to use the positive kind of selfishness. You live life for yourself, and you play and laugh because it’s fun to you, not anybody else. But as you get older, you start drifting into the more negative type of selfishness. You see that guy with the better job and shinier car and all of a sudden, you want it. HIs life should be yours because it looks like he’s having more fun. Unfortunately, the TV and school accelerate this narcissism. We start focusing on what makes other people happy (getting good grades, being cool) instead of what makes us happy. Ironically, taking the focus off of ourselves makes us unhappy.
2. We want to belong As a human, you naturally want to be a part of a community. You want to be admired. You want to belong. But because of this desire to belong, we sometimes do things that aren’t exactly the best for us. We do things to try to fit in, to get approval from everyone else. This is what keeps the cycle going. We place all this focus on what everyone else wants because we seem to think that other people know about life much better than we do. What’s funny is that most people don’t know where they’re going anyway.
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THERE’S ONLY ONE WAY TO LIVE LIFE ON YOUR OWN TERMS
For me, this rings true in writing. It’s both my therapy and my passion. It’s what I truly love to do.
I used to seek everyone’s approval. I used to buy things to make people think I’m cool or to make myself happy. I used to act a certain way just so I could be accepted. The end result was always the same. But now I know the answer. The only way to truly enjoy life is to focus on what you want. Remember when you were a child when all you did was care about what you got? When all you did was do what you enjoyed? That’s the type of selfishness you want; the selfishness that brings you the most pleasure in the long-run. Focus on what brings you joy. Zero in on the actions that make you feel most alive.
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TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF (AKA CLEVERLY PLACED DISCLAIMER) I know what I talked about earlier isn’t true for everybody. Maybe television and peer pressure didn’t affect you as much as it did me. But for the record, the television shows that I grew up with meant a lot to me (I love Seinfeld!) and if I never went to school, I’d have never met the teachers who believed I could be more than what I saw myself to be. That being said, if you’re ready to be live life on your own terms, be prepared for how much your life will change. You’re not going to be able to blame television, or your friends or your boss if you fail. Everything’s on you. Focusing on yourself means that you shouldn’t ask anyone for approval when you want to take risks. You have to have the courage to make the leap on your own. Don’t hold me responsible for any of your successes or failures.
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Why you decided to read this book Maybe you shouldn't even be listening to me. Truth be told, I'm just a college kid, some guy on the internet. I don't even have a “real” job. I know what you're probably thinking and I'll tell you right now: • I'm not a crazy party guy. • I've turned my blog into a business out of necessity (I’m not exactly the richest guy in Chicago).
I can’t teach you how to be rich. Nor can I guarantee that this book will improve your life in every aspect. But I can teach you how to enjoy it. This book isn't about me. It's about you. I'm already living the life I want, minus all the money and gadgets that you think that it requires. I wrote this book to help you to break out of what society says is happiness and find out what it means for yourself. No one should have to force you to wake up at 7 in the morning to do work you don't care about just so you can get a “realistic” job everyone approves of. Wake up because you have a reason to.
• I don't waste money on beer (it's mostly on food and taking the bus/subway). I have maybe 100 or so truly valuable things to my name, possibly less. I'm a minimalist, in practice and in purpose (Don't know what a minimalist is? Find out here).
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
JOHN ANYASOR John Anyasor is the guy in charge of HiLife2B, a blog where he writes to inspire others beyond their perspectives. He believes in pursuing pleasure and simply enjoying life. He is a third-year undergraduate attending the University of Chicago. His ultimate goal is to be location-free and financially independent by Sept. 19, 2011. He also despises pigtails.
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BROADEN YOUR
PERSPECTIVE If your perspective is limited, you can't reach new heights. The best way to see through the smoke is to break your foundations and step forward towards a new destiny; one which you can call your own.
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DEACTIVATE YOUR
PROGRAMMING Since the day you were born, your impulses have been suppressed. Societal norms have taught you that expressing yourself differently was weird. That you were to act “normal”. What’s normal? Whatever they decide. Unfortunately, what's normal and what's weird isn't clearly defined either. You could be acting normal one day and everything's fine, but the next day you could be acting a little off or uncool. So instead of being ourselves, we live as if we're walking on eggshells. Starting now, you will have to stop caring what people think.
The CEOs will tell you to send out resumes by the truckload to even get a chance at acquiring a decent 9-to-5 job. They will tell you that climbing the corporate ladder to gain years of experience is the only way to live a happy life and achieve your dreams. They will tell you that a college degree is absolutely mandatory for survival. Without it, all you can ever hope for is a cheap gig flipping patties on a grill. That without the “gate keeper's key”, you're nothing in this world, barely a contributing member of society. Now here’s the kicker: whatever they told you was wrong. While some of what they say is true (hard work rules all), the rest of it is based purely on what the CEOs want. They want
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you to work only for them for 8 hours a day. In return, they pay you much less than what your time is worth, and you get to keep paying rent or your mortgage. They make you assume that taking the road most traveled is the path to enduring happiness... if you can beat out the competition. Big business wants you to think that the only way to live well is to sacrifice your youth in order to merely survive in the future. We know that money can't buy happiness and buying stuff doesn't create it. What lies ahead for you now is to find your own meaning in life. Take the first step and find out what you want to do with your life.
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TRY EVERYTHING Everyone has trouble answering the BIG question; what do you want to do for the rest of your life? The most common answer I get when I ask people is “I don't know.” I used to give the same answer. The only way to find your life’s work Throw everything on the wall and see what sticks. When I was in the 2nd grade, I had my mind set on becoming a cook. That dream was quickly dissolved by my parents. “You won’t make any money that way. Go study your books.” I eventually gave that up, convinced that I probably wasn’t good enough to cook anyway (sadly, this statement holds true today). Then I wanted to be an artist. I thought this was my calling. I’d draw in class, on the sidewalks, even on the walls of my home.
I even drew my first 2-page Garfield comic in the 4th grade. Everyone thought I was a pretty good drawer, and for a while, I believed them. But somewhere down the road, I stopped cold turkey. The passion just wasn’t there. I tried a lot of other things too: singing, basketball, track, teaching. I couldn’t connect with any of them. It turned out that my true calling was writing, which is surprising, since I never really considered it much of a hobby to begin with. Now I want to spend my entire life doing it. Once you figure this out, take advice from a man who makes his entire living doing what he loves: “Assuming you’ve already figured out what you love, the first thing you should do is … do what you love. Do it for free, in your spare time, and have a blast doing it. Connect with others interested in the same thing, feed off their energy. Eventually you’ll be able to make a living doing it, but for now, just do it.” - Leo Babauta
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