MANAGING MENOPAUSE DURING “THE SQUEEZE” By Mary Keen If you are a woman in your late forties to early fifties, chances are you may have kids who are dependent on you for something, even if they are not living with you. To add to the mix, you or your partner’s parents may be moving into the stage of older age, perhaps also needing some assistance, or just a bit more of a watchful eye. Depending on their overall health, a sudden crisis may be just around the corner that will require you to become involved in the situation. The truth is, with two generations depending on you for care and, possibly, financial help… you are a member of the Sandwich Generation! As luck would have it, with menopause spanning the ages of 45 to 55, and the average female caregiver being about 49-years-old, we are now seeing the phenomena of caregiving and “The Change” converging at an increased rate. Blame these overlapping life passages on good healthcare and longevity. You wouldn’t find this happening long ago. In ancient times, life expectancy at birth was 25-years-old. In the USA in 1800, it was 40-years-old. A woman may not have lived long enough to experience menopause, and her parents would have pre-deceased her many years before. So, her only caregiving requirements would be for her children and spouse—there would be no Sandwich Generation and little menopausal activity during those eras. And even if there were, household sharing among generations would have provided built-in support for each other, much more than they do now. Also, many of the current Sandwich Generation caregiving problems arise from its members’ isolation and distance from family due to career and other demands.
Sorry ladies, if you are of a certain age, it’s in the cards: just as the stars align in the sky, you’re most probably going to enter menopause at the same time you begin caregiving a parent, and possibly at the same time you might be caring for children too. All is not lost though. Knowing when your mother reached menopause can give you a clue as to when you will too, especially if her sisters and her mother (your grandmother) all reached it at the same time. Trying to anticipate when you can expect to enter menopause and preparing yourself for some typical symptoms—such as irregular periods and spotting, hot flashes, night sweats, and irritability—can help a great deal.
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Also perimenopause (the transitional time around menopause) can cause very uncomfortable symptoms for some because of changing hormones, and it can begin years before your last menstrual period. Thus you might experience this before entering your Sandwich years, but you can at least anticipate it.
Prepare Your Mind for a Confluence of Feelings Caregiving and Menopause = Similar Feelings of Loss
As your parents need more help with basic household chores or start to lose their hearing, sight or memory, you may be hit with a “reality check” that they are growing older. They may appear frailer and not rebound as quickly from an illness … and that can cause an adult child to feel sad. At that same time, if you are entering menopause, you may feel that you are losing your youth, your fertility and your ability to have children. These are all feelings of loss that can occur during menopause and can have a very strong and lasting impact on a woman’s overall health and well-being. Sharon Dornberg-Lee, Clinical Supervisor of CJE SeniorLife Counseling Services, notes “Simultaneous work, caregiving and child-rearing demands leave many women feeling exhausted and with little time or energy to devote to self-care. It is important for women not to lose sight of their physical and emotional needs during midlife. This may mean getting supportive counseling to address issues relating to changing self-image, one’s own aging and caregiving stress, as well as getting medical advice on coping with symptoms of perimenopause or menopause. Simply taking a few minutes a day for respite, a mindfulness practice, walking or other self-care activities can make a big difference.” Caregiving and Menopause = Similar Feelings of Anger
Anger bubbles to the surface when you are caregiving day in and day out. Maybe you are asked a few too many times to
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