17 minute read
Something Old Something Borrowed
For 90 years, a local family’s brides – and close friends – have passed down a special heirloom
Story and photography by Courtney Byrnes
When Ruth Klinger Borstein walked down the aisle in 1932, chiff on handkerchief in hand, she began a tradition that has lasted 90 years, crossed four generations and connected more than 85 brides.
After her own wedding, she passed the handkerchief on to friends and eventually her daughter, Joan Borstein Rogoff – the 12th bride to carry that handkerchief when she was married at the Tudor Arms Hotel in Cleveland on March 11, 1956, at the age of 20.
As the popular tradition goes, “Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue,” this family heirloom continues to serve as that something old or borrowed for those who carry it on their wedding day.
Rogoff , now 86, carried on her mother’s tradition of lending the hanky to her friends, and passing it down to her daughters, Debbie Rogoff Aronson and Marci Rogoff Moses, and daughterin-law, Neela Levey Rogoff . When Liza Friedman Aronson married Chad, the son of Debbie Rogoff Aronson, Aug. 19, 2017 at the Cuyahoga County Courthouse, she became the 84th bride and the fi rst in the fourth-generation to carry the hanky.
“It’s got more meaning than I can even say because to see it is still going down, and it’s almost tattered in spots,” Rogoff says. “I completely cherish it, and I just gave it to my daughter here a few (years) ago for her to be in charge of it now,” referring to
“To have an heirloom generally is very special. I would say the American Jewish community, our families came here, particularly mine more recently, with nothing. Some other families (in America), they always have heirlooms and things that they can pass on. So, it’s nice that nally our people, we’ve been around long enough here that we have our own heirlooms, our own tradition that we’re able to bring and continue on here.” Liza Friedman Aronson
Neela Levey Rogo , with the handkerchief exposed out of her sleeve, when she married Eric Rogo on May 1 at Anshe Chesed Fairmount Temple in Beachwood. O ciants standing beside them are Rabbi Joshua Caruso, left, and Rabbi Robert Nosanchuk. Photo / Mara Friedman
Above: Liza Friedman Aronson, from left, Debbie Rogoff Aronson, Joan Borstein Rogoff, Marci Rogoff Moses and Neela Levey Rogoff with the book of record and handkerchief. Below: The handkerchief is kept with a book that holds the number, names and dates of the weddings where a bride has carried it.
her daughter, Marci Rogoff Moses, 55, the current keeper of the hanky.
It is kept alongside a book with each bride’s name, number and date of the wedding carried in.
“I was young when I lost my grandmother, but the fact that I have this is very special,” says Moses, the 53rd bride to carry the hanky on her wedding day, Aug. 10, 1991 at Landerhaven in Mayfield Heights, when she was 24. As keeper, she says she enjoys presenting the heirloom to friends and family, explaining and bringing the tradition to more brides.
When Debbie Rogoff Aronson, 61, carried it at her Aug. 12, 1984 wedding at Landerhaven at the age of 23, it was special for both families involved as her husband’s aunt was her mother, Joan Rogoff’s best friend, and the hanky had been passed down and used by both families.
The tradition has grown generation by generation, as friends pass the hanky down to their children. New friends are also welcomed to share in celebrating with the tradition.
“This book will grow, God willing, and hopefully the hanky lasts,” Rogoff Aronson says. “And it will – even if it’s just a piece of it at some point.”
BECOMING PART OF THE FAMILY
While most brides carry the hanky wrapped around their bouquet, when Neela Levey Rogoff, 49, married Eric Rogoff on May 1 at Anshe Chesed Fairmount Temple in Beachwood with their reception at Elle Restaurant & Lounge in Solon, she tucked it in her bolero sleeve, letting it hang out by her hand. She was the 85th bride to carry it.
“When Marci and Eric told me about it, to me, it meant that I’m part of the family to marry a brother,” she says. “(Eric is) the
Fifteen of the 85 brides who carried the handkerchief at their weddings hold up the number corresponding with the order they carried it.
love of my life and it was just so special. … It meant so much to Eric, it meant so much to him for me to carry it, too. He’s like ‘You’re part of my family now.’”
Most of the weddings that have featured the hanky have been Jewish weddings, which adds another layer to the treasured heirloom.
“To have an heirloom generally is very special,” says Liza Friedman Aronson, 29. “I would say the American Jewish community, our families came here, particularly mine more recently, with nothing. Some other families (in America), they always have heirlooms and things that they can pass on. So, it’s nice that finally our people, we’ve been around long enough here that we have our own heirlooms, our own tradition that we’re able to bring and continue on here.”
Many in the Rogoff family and close friends are aware of the story behind the hanky and excited for the opportunity to carry and pass on the tradition, the women say. For friends or those marrying into the family, the hanky serves as the official seal that they are a part of the family and are connected to all the other brides that have come before and those who will come after them.
For example, two of Rogoff Moses’ college friends, Amy Blocker Drechsler and Debbi Miller Cohen, were asked to carry the hanky in their weddings, becoming the 55th and 62nd brides, respectively, to do so.
“When (friends) include you in their own family and their own traditions, it’s just so touching and it means so much,” says Miller Cohen, who was married Oct. 16, 1993 at Fairmount Temple. “And to be able to be a part of a huge tradition because it was so meaningful to Marci and her family.”
She says there is a clip in her wedding video of Rogoff Moses explaining the tradition and the women who have carried the hanky.
“I never really had lifelong friends or bonds, and I didn’t grow up in a Jewish area, and this was really the first time I felt that kind of community,” says Blocker Drechsler, whose wedding was Nov. 30, 1991 at Fairmount Temple. “This just helps solidify and give me something I never ever had or felt before in my life – this Jewish connection, friendship connection.”
They added that it feels wonderful to be connected and join the family of all the brides who have carried the hanky. The women also look forward to having their daughters one day join in the tradition.
“I’m thrilled when I see it all these years later because we’ve been married 66 years, so when I see it all these years later still being happily used,” it is clear the hanky and the family’s love is very treasured, Rogoff says.
Over this year’s Fourth of July weekend, family and friends gathered to watch the 86th bride carry the hanky down the aisle, as Ruth Klinger Borstein had 90 years before, keeping the tradition alive. With the next generations eager to carry and pass on the heirloom to daughters and friends, the list will undoubtedly continue to grow in the years to come. sj
FASHION
KEVIN+KATE’S WEDDING Kevin Love, Kate Bock marry in old Hollywood glam celebration
Cleveland Cavaliers power forward Kevin Love and model and entrepreneur Kate Bock were married in a ceremony with nods to her Jewish heritage and celebrated with an Old Hollywood glam, old-school New York style bash.
The wedding took place June 25 at the New York Public Library, Vogue and other news outlets reported.
Their ceremony honored Bock’s Jewish heritage, as the couple was wrapped in a tallit. They also signed a ketubah and stood under a white cherry-blossom chuppah. It was officiated by Love’s agent, Jeff Schwartz, and Bock wore two dresses designed by Jewish gown designer Danielle Frankel, The Forward reported. For the ceremony, she wore a dress by Ralph Lauren and worked with the fashion designer’s team to bring the concept to life. Love was also dressed by Ralph Lauren.
The pair met in 2015, after being set up by a photographer who worked with both of them and thought they would hit it off, according to Vogue. They got engaged in January 2021.
The couple broke tradition by getting ready and arriving at their wedding together.
“Kevin and I didn’t feel it was important to keep things separate,” Bock told People magazine. “We planned the wedding together, got ready together and went to the library together.”
Celebrities like former Cavs teammates LeBron James, Channing Frye and Richard Jefferson were in attendance.
“It was a lot of work, but we had so much fun doing it,” Bock told Vogue. “We love being creative, and it was amazing to see the process of how our dream celebration came to life. I create mood boards all the time for my brand Love Kate, so making them for my wedding was natural for me. I would create mood board after mood board and ask for Kevin to provide his input. We both envisioned an old-school New York City, Great Gatbsy-inspired, black-and-white ball for the big day. That was the easy part! The hard part was just making the small detailed decisions – whether it was a specific linen, the seating chart or where to get ready. Our amazing wedding planner Marcy and her team guided us along and helped us through everything.”
Photos / ALLAN ZEPEDA
Rachel Schuster & Anthony Southavilay
Wedding Day Oct. 3, 2021 Thyme Table | Bay Village
Today Ages: 36 & 37 Hometown: Mentor Synagogues: Temple Am Shalom and jHUB Cleveland
How did you meet?
We have an inside joke that we met while in college because a friend asked us where we met and if we went to the same college. We both went to the same college, but at different times – I (Rachel) attended University of Central Florida for undergrad and Anthony for grad school. Really, we met on a dating app. Anthony has the habit of making pun jokes. The initial message Anthony sent to me was “Since we are a match, does that mean that we are an inter-Rachel couple?” I thought this was pretty forward, also creative and thoughtful, and thought to myself, “I have to meet this guy.”
Do you have any interesting stories to share about getting to know one another?
In the first couple years of dating, we went on a hiking trip to Zion National Park. At the beginning of the Angel’s Landing hike, we went off the main trail and found a log to sit on near the river while we ate a snack. Before we knew it, there was a large mule deer that came from the tall brush, and walked within 10 feet from us. We stared at the deer and the deer stared at us. We were not sure what was going to happen and it was quite scary at the moment. Luckily, the deer was not interested in us and then walked across the river. Four years later, we went back to Zion National Park as it had become one of our favorite places. We went to find the same spot where we encountered the deer and that was where Anthony proposed.
How long did you know each other before you got married?
We knew each other for six years before getting married.
When did you know you wanted to marry your partner?
Rachel: Anthony and I went on a two-and-half month trip to Central/Eastern Europe. During that trip, we made an effort to travel to different cities/countries that have significance in the Jewish culture. Some of the sites we visited were Auschwitz in Oswiecim, Poland, Dohany Street Synagogue in Budapest, Hungary and the Anne Frank House in Amsterdam, Netherlands. Visiting these sites created a lot of good conversations between Anthony and me. This was the first time I was really open about my Jewish culture and saw how accepting and interested Anthony was. This, along with becoming closer by being together 24/7 through travel, made me realize I wanted Anthony to be my forever travel buddy.
Anthony: I knew that I wanted to marry Rachel when she supported me through a career change into technology. I left a good position working in finance and I was nervous about the transition. I attended an intensive software development program and there had been a great deal of late night studying and questioning of my abilities. Rachel’s encouragement and knowing that we were going through this together allowed me to excel in the program and land a rewarding career as a software developer. Going through the program with Rachel’s assistance reinforced to me that we work well as a team and that she is always there to help achieve my goals.
What was the best part of wedding planning?
The best parts of wedding planning were working together on a big project and getting to know the Cleveland area better. We grew a lot as a couple with our communication skills and learned more about one another’s needs/wants. I am from the Cleveland area and had lived out of state for over a decade. Anthony is from the Minneapolis area. Through researching various vendors, restaurants and visiting potential wedding venues, we learned more about the Cleveland area. The wedding planning was a good opportunity for us to discover Cleveland and to find unique restaurants and fun things to do.
How did the COVID-19 pandemic affect your wedding plan and wedding day?
We started wedding planning in early 2021. At the time, many places were still closed/under restrictions. We were unsure if the places we were looking at would still in fact be open or what kind of restrictions would be imposed.
Was there any spot-on advice you received prior to the big day, either in terms of the wedding or lasting relationship?
Some spot-on advice we received was to pick the most important aspects to us and design our wedding around those. No matter how much you prepare, the day won’t go 100% as planned and things will always happen to make the day go awry. The most important part of the wedding is having those important to you there to celebrate. Make sure to take continuous moments to be present, look around and soak it in. For us, we actually did soak it in as it rained on our wedding day and my dress got wet during pictures.
Were there any conflicts between the two of you or your families in the planning process? Did either of you have to make any sacrifices?
Even before the pandemic, we had talked about wanting to have a smaller and more intimate wedding. An intimate wedding was the most comfortable for us. When we announced our engagement to our friends and families and told them that we were planning to have an intimate wedding, there was some disappointment from them. They were hoping that we would have a larger/more traditional wedding. Luckily, they were understanding and supported how we wanted to have our wedding.
What was the most fun or interesting Jewish aspect of your wedding/partnership?
It was important for us to put thought into our wedding ceremony and incorporate both of our traditions. Since we come from different cultures, it was essential to make our wedding our own with traditions that were meaningful to us. I was able to integrate different Jewish traditions and people from my Jewish upbringing. We took a “Planning your Jew-ish wedding” class with Rabbi Chase Foster from jHUB. Chase is my camp friend from Goldman Union Camp Institute. This class helped us to figure out how we wanted the overall feeling of our ceremony to be and what parts of the Jewish culture and Anthony’s Lao culture that we could integrate. We had Renee Blau from Temple Am Shalom as our officiant. Renee was a big part of my Jewish education growing up and knows my family well.
“The best part of our wedding was integrating both of our cultural traditions and involving our intimate guest list in the traditions. Performing the Baci ceremony underneath the chuppah held by our siblings was special. The Baci ceremony is a Laotian tradition of tying strings around one’s wrists to commemorate happy occasions. The Baci strings were made by Anthony’s mother and the portable chuppah was made by my mother.”
- Rachel
Planning
• Engagement: Nov. 11, 2020 • O ciant: Renee Blau of Temple Am Shalom • Dress: Lulus • Wedding Rings: Etsy and family heirlooms • Jewelry/Shoes: Amazon • Hair: Tracy Otero – Cleveland Glam Squad • Makeup: Ariana Reynolds – Cleveland Glam
Squad • Groom’s Formalwear: Maestro Tailor • Bouquet/Flowers/Ketubah: Etsy • Chuppah: Handmade by Rachel’s mother,
Elinor Schuster. The poles were made with driftwood from Lake Erie. • Photographer: Suzuran Photography • Videographer: Swept Away Videos • Planner/Consultant: Rachel and Anthony did the planning together. “Planning your
Jew-ish Wedding” classes were taken with
Rabbi Chase Foster at jHUB. Both families also helped on the day of the wedding with set-up and tear-down. • Reception/Catering: Thyme Table • Cake/Sweets: Rachel’s mother, Elinor Schuster • Rehearsal Dinner: Pho and traditional Lao food at the home of Anthony’s parents, Sou and Kaybee Southavilay • Invitations/Stationery: FedEx • Music/Entertainment: Anna Hoopes Violin • Accommodations: Anthony and Rachel’s parents’ homes • Registry: Amazon • Honeymoon: Hocking Hills, Ohio. Planning to go to Israel with Honeymoon Israel. • Extras: Baci ceremony strings made by
Anthony’s mother, Sou Southavilay. The rugs underneath the chuppah were from Rachel’s grandparents’ house.
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