Meet the Bride...
Faye Banks Faye was due to be born on the 4th October, 1979, but kept us all waiting until the 8th. Her dad was told by the midwife we had had another boy, she just wanted to see the surprise on his face when I told him. When Faye was coming up to two years old, the family went on holiday to Malta, the Maltese love children and Faye and her two brothers were pretty much made a fuss off. I remember a British couple just picked Faye up and hugged her, she said, treasure every moment because before you know it, they will be all grown up and independent, how right she was. You have heard the saying, fur coat, no knickers. When Faye was turned three, she started at pre-school nursery, she would go for about two hours each day. This particular day, we were running late, I put Faye into her clean clothes, put on her warm tights and her fur coat and hat, took her to school, on collecting her later, the teacher informed me Faye had had to be given a spare pair of pants, I asked if she had had an ‘accident’ and was red-faced when they told me Faye had been put into school bare-bottomed, I had forgotten to put her pants on in the rush. When Faye was about six years old, her and her friend, Elizabeth McLaughlin, were playing in the street, pushing their dolls in their prams, both wearing ‘clickers’ which were their mothers heels that made a clicking noise when they walked, I kept popping to the door to check on them and the other children in the street, I realised I hadn’t seen them for about ten minutes, when I checked at neighbours houses, they were not there, panic set in and the neighbours all gathered to go and search for them, next minute, they came round the corner, still in their clickers and pushing their dolls, they had only walked up to the post office to pretend to get their family allowance. Someone had a sore leg that day!!! In 1989 on a trip to Wet and Wild in Florida, the children were having a great time in a very safe environment, The older kids said they were going on the Screamer, the tallest sheer-drop water slide ever, us adults
watched from where we were sat and we saw the kids come down the slide one by one, a couple chickened out and gave it a miss, next minute, this blonde haired girl in a bright swimsuit, was being put into position by the lifeguard, it was Faye. We were terrified. She never tried it again though. I remember she came home one day and she was dripping wet, Craig Daley had decided to throw buckets of water over the kids when they were coming home from school, just because he felt like it, he got Faye good and proper, she was soaked, I wasn’t amused because it was a really cold day. She was dried off and I went to tackle Craig myself armed with bottles of water, only thing was, he saw me and ran, I ran after him and slipped, got a broken ankle for my trouble. When we two went to Krakow, it was minus 13, she of course was dressed in little thin dresses under an equally thin coat, she looked gorgeous in her little beret, but she was freezing. She ended up giving in and wearing a big thick jumper of mine under her coat. We had got a taxi to see a memorial to the Holocaust, the driver asked did we want him to wait, we said no and went off to have a good look around, we ended up walking for miles, couldn’t get a taxi. We went into a supermarket to see if we could call a cab, asked someone if they spoke English and they just said no and walked away, obviously could but didn’t like the Brits. We walked for miles and were wet and cold, we ended up going to a little cafe and they ordered a cab for us. The driver dropped us off in the square, we later realised that Faye had left MY gloves I’d lent her to warm her hands in the cab. We laugh about it now but it was a bit of an ordeal at the time. Faye met Danny one night while she was out having a drink locally with her friend. Faye told me this bloke wanted to see her again, she had recently come out of a long-term relationship at the time and didn’t want to get involved with anyone for a while, I told her he had asked her for a date, not to marry her! Anyway, he was a tonic to her, he made her
laugh. Danny would phone her and she would chuckle and chuckle. What does he do for a living, I asked, he’s an architect was the reply, good occupation said I. As we all know now, Dan has a tendency to exaggerate (Danny: There are some security huts in Abu Dhabi that beg to differ!), but at that time we hadn’t even met him and to be honest, we wouldn’t have cared what he did for a living, anyone who goes out and does a day’s work for a day’s pay was good enough for us. Dan came to our house for a meal one night, I did a three course meal, the starter went well, I recall we had a chicken dinner. Looking back I think Dan was hoping to make a good impression by eating the meal I had cooked, he told me at a later date that he was apprehensive about meeting us, god knows why. He ate everything on his plate then proceeded to eat Faye’s leftovers, I thought to myself, he’s got a healthy appetite, but there’s extra if he wanted it, no need to eat the leftovers, then I came in with cherry pie and custard, I learned later that he hated fruit pies, bless him, he ate the lot. He did look very uncomfortable afterwards, he had eaten far too much. It didn’t stop him from doing it again - remember the Brussels Sprouts Danny? I recall when Faye got the teaching post in Abu Dhabi, I really didn’t want her to go, I wouldn’t tell her that though, I didn’t want to sway her and regret in later life that she hadn’t had the experience. Around the time Faye was leaving, Danny announced he had decided he would go to Abu Dhabi as well, I didn’t think it a good thing to do without having a job to go to, anyway, it’s all turned out well, eventually. Danny appears very happy and contented in the work he does and I do believe him to be a good worker. Now they are getting married, see how your life is mapped out for you, had Faye not gone out that night, they wouldn’t have ever met, had Danny decided to stay in England, well there’s a shortage of houses so the poor architects must be out of work, you see Dan, that may have been you!!! Seriously Danny, I think you have matured since we first met you, I also have seen the soft-hearted Danny as well as the comedian. Thank you for making Faye happy and for making her laugh. Just remember to be yourself. We wish all good things for the both of you, enjoy the day, it belongs to you and Faye. Welcome to the family Dan. With love, The Mother in Law.
Meet the Groom...
Daniel Goulding Aged 4 Wargrave Primary School Teacher: “Daniel Mr Travis the Headteacher would like to hear you read in his office as I have told him how good you are at reading.” Daniel: “OK I will go then.” Mr Travis gave him a random book from his office and was amazed at his reading ability. When mum collected him from school Daniel told her what had happened, she was so proud and asked him what he had said in return to the Head, his reply was “I have had enough of reading now Mr Travers I am going back to Class now. Aged 5 Day trip to Chester Zoo on Eavesway coach. Go into office to pay and informed that under-5’s travel free whispered to Daniel that he is aged 4 on this occasion, went to Chester Zoo and pay desk said under 4s were free told them that he was 3 nearly 4. Went on ride for over 5s only, as he was small for his age told them he was 5 and a half, when we got on ride Daniel turned to mum and asked “mum how old am I ?” When Daniel was 5 years old we went on holiday to Crete, it was very hot and as everyone knows he did not like walking very far. There was a little trinket shop not far from where our hotel was and one day he sat on the step and was heard by the shopkeeper saying ‘my legs are hurting, can I go on your Soldiers Stu?’ (he could not pronounce shoulders). The shopkeeper eventually came out and offered to shut up shop and ride him on the back of his motorbike. The next time we went past Daniel did exactly the same and the shopkeeper again took him to the hotel. For the rest of the holiday he would look out for us passingh and automatically do the same again.
Daniel grew up with Nan and Grandad’s dog Timmy who protected him where ever he went. Daniel always had colds when he was little and was always wrapped up warm when playing out with his friends and Timmy at his side however the dog did not like him wearing a bob hat and would growl constantly at him and no matter how many times Timmy was told off for this he would eventually jump up grab the bob hat off Daniels head and run like mad to the back fields and bury his hat, which were never found. There are many bob hats buried on that field to this day! Aged 9 Daniel Bless him was no David Beckham on the football field. He trained for a football team called MTB Motors. He religiously attended all training sessions and he would run to Wargrave Primary School field every Saturday for the match. When mum arrived he would be by the goal post with his boots round his neck and shout excitedly to her “Mum I am a sub”. He was delighted if he had ten minutes on the pitch at the end of each match. Aged 10 Daniel came home with the violin from School overjoyed because he had been selected from the Schools Music team. He practiced very little and when he did it was not good on the ear. This went on for a few weeks and mum asked how the tutor thought it was going, he replied they think I am good and are pleased. A couple of days later a letter arrived for the School Music Team requesting the violin back as they thought there had been very little progression and that another child would benefit from the use of the tuition on offer. Aged 10 Mum arrived home from work to see a Police car on the front with two Police officers and Daniel crying his eyes out in the back of the car. Mum was horrified and thought the worst to be told that he had been
playing with golf club and ball on Bradlegh Road and the Police car had been passing when he had whacked the golf ball off course and it had hit their window screen as you can imagine it frightened the life out of them and DANIEL!! Aged 12 Daniel asked if he could go to a disco at Mr Smiths in Warrington as all his friends were going. Mum bought him a new umbro top and jeans and off he went. Stu was picking him and some friends up at 10pm. When they arrived home Daniel was covered in head to toe in mud and Stu was fuming, mum was furious and demanded to know what has happened thinking that he had been in a fight. Eventually he admitted that someone had bought them drink which they drunk before going into the disco one of them was sick and they were thrown out immediately. They could not ring home and decided to spend the evening rolling down an embankment hence the mud! Steven Tither was taken home and them had to be taken by ambulance due to a reaction from the drink! Aged 13 Daniel has asked the milkman who llived in Birlwey Street if there was any jobs, he asked how old he was and when he said 13 he said you have to be 14 to work with me. On his 14 birthday he knocked on the milkmans door and said I am 14 today have you got any jobs. He started work and did a few mornings a week getting up at 5am in all weathers and collecting the milk money. Although he was never on time for school and we only lived over the road from the school. Aged 16 Daniel was never on time for school and on the last day he was up and ready. When Mum asked why he was going to School so early his reply was that they were have a disco and he was helping to set this up. Mum received a phone call at work from the school at 9.30 am to say that a group of school leavers had arrived in school worse for wear and Daniel was particularly bad and needed to be checked out at the hospital. Mum went to the School to be greeted with Daniel green in colour with his head over a tin bin being violently sick. Daniel had a tattoo done secretly and slept in a t-shirt constantly for fear of retribution from his mum. She became suspicious when she had bought him some new clothes and he was reluctant to try them on and said he was going to try them on upstairs. Call it a mother’s intuition but she followed him and the tattoo was revealed! Aged 18 Daniel used to walk up Rob Lane to pick his lift up on the East Lancs to get to work at Knowsley. He did this for weeks and the same coming back getting dropped off at the top of Rob Lane and walking home. Stu got a call from the lodge asking if he knew a Daniel Goulding, he replied yes. He said can someone pick him up as he is scared to walk home as he thinks someone is hiding in the bushes further down.
Bridesmaids Q&A
Francesca Knight Bigwood How long have you known the bride? Since 2006 properly. How do you know the bride and where did you first meet? The very first time we ever met was on New Years eve in the millennium, in Sarah Gregson’s house, although this is commonly denied amongst the St H girls. However the first time we met properly was in the Gerard on Good Friday 2006, where a game of Never Have I Ever, went terribly wrong. I met Faye through Shelley and Karen Barnes. What were your first impressions of the bride when you met her? Faye was wearing white over-the-knee socks and a little dress at the time and thought, “I’m glad someone’s bringing them (knee socks) back, it’s been far too long”. I also thought she was on the phone because she was holding her hair out of her face, hence “on the phone Faye”. What is best memory of a time you spent with the bride? I think our best memories, although there are A LOT, have come from V Festival. These moments won’t mean anything to anyone else but I know Faye will laugh when she reads them: there was a year where we bugged the hell out of this poor graffiti artist, his heart sank whenever he saw us approaching. He was only trying to draw a cat. The time we discovered the hair straightening tent, and made friends with Frank who let us use it unlimitedly for only £5, times were hard for Frank after that; whilst watching Amy Winehouse, Faye decided she was going to go outside and get some fresh air… we were already outside and it was raining! To be fair, she clawed her way back that day, when no one thought she would. I also quite like that we’re known as the orange twins! Although I imagine Natalie whose bed was covered in our
fake tan, didn’t mean it in an affectionate way. Our favourite one liners: “The Boomtown rats are huge.” “The man who loved his daughter more than Disneyland.” “I’m looking for Lenny (from Animal Farm).” How long have you known the groom? I think since 2008 How do you know the groom? He’s engaged to Faye. What were your first impressions of the groom when you met him? Daniel was wearing a leather jacket and I offered him a glass of Pimms at my summer garden party. It’s probably best you ask Daniel what his first impression of me was to be honest! What is best memory of a time you spent with the groom? I think our time in Abu Dhabi a couple of years ago. There was one day, which we spent by the pool and we played a game where we all told stories, I really felt I got to know the real Daniel that day! If you had one piece of advice for the bride on her wedding day what would it be? Bankster is ready for this, so she doesn’t need any advice from me. Try to enjoy it and savour every moment. Be nonchalant! You know what to do! If you had one piece of advice for the groom on his wedding day what would it be? Don’t get too drunk, leave early to go to bed. And finally, do you have anything you would like to say to the bride and groom for their big day? I am delighted and honoured to be part of your special day but also part of your lives. You are both dear friends and I wish you all the happiness in the world. xxx
Cathy Stephenson How long have you known the bride? Almost four years How do you know the bride and where did you first meet? I work with her. I am her bitch at Al Yasmina School. I didn’t start off being her bitch though. In fact when we first met, I was cold and heartless and didn’t even invite her to the Fourth Floor Festive Fiesta. Since then we have developed a mutually beneficial relationship in which I make her brews and feed her and she mocks my character flaws. It is a beautiful friendship. What were your first impressions of the bride when you met her? My first memory of Faye Banks was viewing her arrival at Tourist Club Tower from my window. I was supposed to be meeting my buddy and when I saw Faye floating towards the front entrance like an angel, I really hoped she was the one. She wasn’t, so I ignored her. I continued to ignore her for the next few months as I thought she was a strong and selfsufficient female who did not need my help and advice. Once we formed the quiz team Let’s Get Quizzical in February 2011, I soon realised how wrong I was. What is best memory of a time you spent with the bride? One of my favourite memories of Faye Banks is the night she left me a salt and vinegar twirl on my pillow. It was at that moment I realised how special our friendship really was. How long have you known the groom? I met Danny not long after I met Faye. What were your first impressions of
the groom when you met him? I don’t remember exactly when and where I met him. I assume it was in the Captain’s Arms which means he was probably really drunk and I probably thought he was a &*%$ (insert own rude word here.) What is best memory of a time you spent with the groom? I don’t have one particular special memory of a time spent with Danny, but I do always enjoy it when he dances after a brunch. I also enjoy being the one to go home early with him after a brunch. It is a characteristic that we share. If you had one piece of advice for the bride on her wedding day what would it be? It’s never too late. Unless the ceremony has already started, in which case it would be shameful to run away. If you had one piece of advice for the groom on his wedding day what would it be? Say ‘yes’ to everything. And finally, do you have anything you would like to say to the bride and groom for their big day? I wish you both the greatest day. This is the biggest and best party you will ever have so make the most of every second! And remember, any problem you face in your married life can be soothed by champagne xxx
Bridesmaids Q&A
Jude Walsh How long have you known the bride? About five and a half years. How do you know the bride and where did you first meet? We worked together at our old school - Great Sankey High. What were your first impressions of the bride when you met her? Simple. Elegant. Beautiful. I remember meeting Faye on the day I got the job. Our old head of department introduced me to her telling me that she would be doing my performance management and Faye’s first words to me were “You’re very lucky.” Just the modesty we’ve all come to expect from Faye. What is best memory of a time you spent with the bride? There are many! None sober. The first time I really got to know Faye was at a mutual friend’s wedding where we drank far too much wine and decided it was a great idea to drink whisky and sing football songs in the hotel bar until 5am. Thank goodness we’re more sophisticated these days. Other fun memories include dancing with sleazy waiters at a wedding in Cyprus looking like a pair of sad old tarts (sorry Faye), dressing up as sailor girls in Dubai for Cathy’s hen do with Champagne Charlie, whooping and twirling in Heroes to our Clover theme tune, filming for our future award-winning docu-drama ‘The Desert’, the fun we had at the rugby sevens in Dubai singing ‘New York New York’ with men dressed as Arabs, drinking wine at the golf club while waiting for the boys to finish their game and the many brunches we went to together. I miss our Abu Dhabi nights out and our conversations the next day where we try to fill each other in on what happened - our catchphrase being ‘Girls, we’re getting worse.” Faye is one of my closest friends, not just because we always have fun together but, on a more serious note, she is someone I trust implicitly. If I ever need advice, I know I can turn to Faye and I always trust her judgement. She is wise, honest, trustworthy and I value her friendship immensely. Faye and Danny are two of the most friendly, funny and generous people I know. How long have you known the groom? About four years.
How do you know the groom? We met at the same wedding I mentioned earlier, where we all ended up in the hotel bar. What were your first impressions of the groom when you met him? I remember speaking to Danny about Faye’s imminent move to Abu Dhabi and he was telling me all about his grand plans to fly out to visit her each month. That worked out well Danny! I really liked Danny at the time – I thought he was friendly, fun and witty. I later found out that he had described me as ‘mumsy’. My feelings towards Danny soon changed. What is the best memory of a time you spent with the groom? I don’t tend to remember times spent with Danny or Faye very well. Danny has some interesting stories; the one about him being picked up by a gay man on a motorbike outside Mr Smiths is a real treat. I also have a funny memory of Danny dressed in a Scream costume at about 2am in a pool in Abu Dhabi. I think that was the night that he was initially refused access to the pool party because they thought he was mocking Arabs by wearing national dress! All the memories I have of Danny are funny ones. I hate to admit it, but Danny is funny. Whether it’s his completely ridiculous (and clearly fabricated) stories, disturbing photoshopped images of his private parts or his wit, he may actually be the funniest man in Abu Dhabi (sorry Chambers). If you had one piece of advice for the bride on her wedding day what would it be? Faye, it’s not too late. If you had one piece of advice for the groom on his wedding day what would it be? Pace yourself. And finally, do you have anything you would like to say to the bride and groom for their big day? Congratulations! For all my mocking, I genuinely love you both and really value our friendship. You are absolutely, without doubt, the most fun couple I know and I believe you are perfect for each other. I feel very privileged to be part of your special day and I look forward to seeing what fun the future brings for you both. Please don’t let marriage make you boring!
Katrina Magee (Although Danny still calls me Cath or Catherine.) How long have you known the bride? Four years now. How do you know the bride and where did you first meet? I met Faye at work first. She was very hard working and I was always thanking her for her resources. Later our friendship blossomed and I thanked her for her wine. What were your first impressions of the bride when you met her? Funny. I thought Faye was very entertaining and she made me laugh at lot. What is best memory of a time you spent with the bride? I’ve had so many brilliant memories with Faye and some very touching, like the time she stroked my leg with a make up brush and brought me round a plant in Tourist Club (which I think she later had to return). I’ve never been able to get a whole crisp left out for me (like Cathy) but she recently told me I was whole person and she lent me a valuable pen when I went for an interview because I’m ‘not a loser.’ The time she stayed in Belfast an extra day was hilarious and I have fond memories of her dancing with a blow up shark on a night out. Cathy’s first hen do when we filmed the last ‘Desert’ scene was very emotional too. Faye has made my time in UAE much more memorable. The time during the Rugby Sevens when Faye asked me to ‘join us’ was a life changing moment in my Abu Dhabi experience and there have been so many good times that followed after that. I’ve also got some brilliant memories of Faye always being there with her expert advice, wisdom and wine and I love how incredibly loyal she is. How long have you known the groom? Four years. How do you know the groom? Through Faye. Danny would often drink in Captains too. What were your first impressions of the groom when you met him? I think my first memories of Danny where at a brunch in Pearls and Caviar about three years ago. He sang a lot and to be honest I felt sorry for Faye and thought he was a bit of an eejit. I still do.
What is best memory of a time you spent with the groom? The best memories of Danny are when he goes to a brunch and is then asleep by about 4pm. Although I think at the Fairmount Brunch when he decided to offend everyone is my favourite. He made someone cry because he said they were boring. He then tried to ‘rectify’ things by saying I was boring. It would have been offensive if I’d cared what Danny thinks. Also I wasn’t there, but the accident he had on a jet ski while dressed as the guy from Scream was quite ridiculous. As there is very little competition, Danny is probably Abu Dhabi’s funniest man. If you had one piece of advice for the bride on her wedding day what would it be? Just use your feminine dignity at all times Faye.
If you had one piece of advice for the groom on his wedding day what would it be? Remember Faye is always right. And finally, do you have anything you would like to say to the bride and groom for their big day? All jokes aside, I do love you two and mean it when I say I feel so privileged to be a part of your big day. You make everyone else laugh as well as each other and are clearly made for one another. Enjoy the big day and here’s to the future you have together.
The Story So Far... 1. The early days
2. Trying to change me!
3. Our first (and last) festival
4. Courteeners daft
5. Annoying the neighbours in Prague
6. Another Faye inspired hairstyle.
7. I think this is the Charles Bridge
8. Is it really Halloween
9. Another house party we nearly got kicked out of 10. Our first taste of the VIP life
11. We love a good brunch
12. Have you seen my wallet?
13. Paying our respects, respectfully
14. Forever adapting to local customs
15. and always time for meeting the locals 16. Is that a panda
17. Our favourite t-shirt
19. Birthdaying in Fujeirah
18. Snorkelling at Gili T
20. New York, New York
23. Top of the Rock
21. Always a teacher - NYU
22. Alright Mets fans
24. Shivering in San Fransisco
25. Getting warmer
The Story So Far...
27. Pictureseque at Yosemite
26. And even warmer
28. Back to nature
29. Napa bound
30. Start of the road trip
32. Monterrey 31. Crack heads and prostitutes
33. Cheeese - Santa Barbara
36. Is this on the list? 35. The Hills
34. Hollywood couple
37. San Diego
39. Grand Canyon bound
40. Inside the Canyon
38. Viva Las Vegas 41. Making the most of not being arrested
42. Win money to see us through - Spend it on two drinks
44. Settling the pre-flight nerves
43. then put it on Facebook
46. There are two purple things in this picture
45. The look of love (brunch)
47. A day by the pool
The Story So Far... 49. Celebrating (the weekend)
48. An effort to do something cultural in Abu Dhabi
51. Xmas in the Middle East
50. Sevens antics
53. Posers
52. All the fun of an Aldar Xmas party
54. Another party at the apartment of dreams 55. and another to celebrate the engagement
56. This is to remind Graham it’s his anniversary tomorrow (and you Sandy)
58. Night out with the Melikians
57. The after party
62. Forever Mad Hatters
59. Sandance fun (at least I stayed dry)
60. Re-enactment of the proposal so Yasmin could prepare
61. Happy New Year
63. And finally the big day
Congratulations!