Issue 1 July 2009
JOANNA PENN INSPIRING AUTHORS IN THIS ISSUE
BLUE LIKE YOU BW IMAGERY SPEAKING PROFESSIONALLY CREATIVE COACHING and much more... CLIQ eMag - inspiring, motivating and connecting people around the world
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Inspiration !
BLUE LIKE YOU
a positive media initiative and community for women feeling blue
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Appearances are not what they seem... The happy pics we see posted on our own and our friends’ Facebook sites are rarely representative of what is really going on in their world. By selectively portraying and emphasising some parts of our lives and omitting others we create self-styled, pictureperfect scenarios that may bear little resemblance to reality. And even though we know that, we still compare ourselves against these manufactured perceptions that we then judge as more fun or more successful than our own. Monique Van Dijk, Brisbane resident and creator of the Blue Like You campaign, admits that for five years she pretended to her friends and family that ‘everything was fine’ even though her life was far from it. It was not until this year that she finally decided to start getting authentic about her life and to start opening up about her experiences.
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The untold story behind the smile This is a photo of me taken on a trip to Shangri-la last year. Definitely not the poster girl for depression - if you don’t look too closely. On the surface you’d assume I was happy and successful – 27 and happily married to a very sexy engineer, speaks Chinese and constantly travelling around Asia, has worked on glamorous Film and TV projects in New Zealand and China, received numerous scholarships and awards, holds a Masters degree and has two books published, and to top if all off, she’s just signed on for a high-flying marketing gig in Brisbane! How exhausting it was to be me! The ‘me’ I wanted you to see. Even during my darkest moments I could always muster a fake smile and I was very good at pretending everything was OK – wonderful in fact. My photos, websites and experiences all proved how exciting and accomplished my life was. Who I didn’t want you to see was the ‘real’ me – a desperately, desperately unhappy girl who considered herself a worthless, lazy, pathetic loser. Someone who felt abnormal and alienated from others because of the crazy world that inhabited her ‘broken’ mind and destroyed her ability to just be happy like normal people. Someone who knew something was really wrong – but had decided that it was easier to continue ‘dealing’ with it by herself than talk about it with others or actually seeking professional help. About five years ago I experienced a debilitating bout of depression that lasted for two years. It happened slowly, as a result of a number of factors and so I attributed my decreasing motivation levels and interest in life as laziness, not depression. I was a high-achiever and still able to function in society and didn’t want to be lumped into the ‘mentally ill’ category. Since I didn’t want to be judged as having a ‘problem’ I tried harder and harder to ‘get over it’ – with varying levels of success/failure over the years. I’d concoct crazy lists and plans for making myself feel better – none of which ever eventuated because I would lie in bed for days sleeping – the only respite from the dark thoughts that inhabited my mind.
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It is difficult to describe how I felt during those years – gravitating between such intense unhappiness that I would have routine suicide fantasies, to feeling completely devoid of emotion, as if there was nothing but emptiness and nothingness inside. I would feel better during social interaction (and it took the focus off me) so it wasn’t too difficult to pretend I was feeling great, but I did have to hide the habits that I usually employed to make myself feel better (eg. dull the pain and make myself feel numb) such as routine binge eating, excessive alcohol consumption, smoking, drugs, etc. I believed that as long as I could continue to achieve success through various projects and achievements the rest didn’t matter. I once tried to tell my parents about how I was feeling, but I felt like they didn’t believe me. After that I decided I wouldn’t seek help from anybody, especially a doctor – I didn’t want to be judged, or worst of all, be told that there was nothing wrong with me. My long-suffering boyfriend (now husband) was the only one who really knew the truth – but he had no idea what depression even was and I had emphatically shut down any discussions on the topic of my wellbeing. Despite that, he has remained my rock over the years, loving and supporting me – both emotionally and financially – when I did neither for myself. Things did get better for me over the years, and I never returned to those dark days of clinical depression. However, I still felt like I had no genuine passion or excitement for anything in life, and I struggled to maintain motivation. I still hated myself and had a very nasty and unhealthy inner dialogue on repeat – which made me even angrier at myself, as I knew that these thoughts were destructive and feeding a vicious circle. In my mind I had decided that I was ‘broken,’ that I wasn’t like everyone else, that depression was something I had to ‘beat,’ and that until I was ‘fixed’ I’d never be motivated or be happy again.
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I would still look at everyone else and think she’s happier / more successful / more ‘together’ than me, why can’t I just be normal like her? At that time I still did not realise that depression is such a common phenomenon that she was probably looking at me thinking something similar... Recently, I got to the point where I realised that it just totally sucked being me, pretending that it didn’t, and continuing the way I was - was so exhausting and it had no future. Some powerful coaching, seeing a psychologist and creating Project Blue and the Blue Like You campaign have all helped me start the process of learning to accept, acknowledge and proactively manage depression as a part of my life. I have learnt to stop judging and being so harsh on myself, to stop trying to live up to an unrealistic set of expectations, and how to be authentic about who I am – which means being truly open and honest with others (and myself!) which has been really difficult but has allowed the loved ones in my life to get close to the real me. It has also opened the door for a new dialogue around depression that has made me aware for the first time that at least six women within my immediate circle of friends and family have experienced depression too. They had never confided in me in the past, much like I had never confided in them. It made me sad that for a long time I thought that I was the only person in the world to have those sort of feelings while others around me who felt the same way, felt alone too.
Depression Facts • According to BeyondBlue, the Australian national depression initiative, one in four women in Australia will experience depression in her lifetime. Over one million adults and 100,000 young people in Australia are currently living with depression each year. (Remember, these statistics don’t account for depression that remains unidentified or unacknowledged.) • A survey of 17,000 Australian women published by the Australian Women’s Weekly found that just over half believed they were, or had been depressed. Of those, 44.6% claimed they had coped with depression on their own, while 40.5% had been prescribed antidepressants. • The Report on Government Services 2001 found that depression is the fourth most common problem managed by Australian GPs, even more common than conditions such as arthritis or diabetes. Depression is a common phenomenon experienced by women of every description in every community. If you are experiencing depression, it’s important to remember that you are not alone, and that what you are experiencing is normal and actually very common.
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Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by everything that needs to be done to reduce the stigma around depression, so I just focus on the things that I can do - the Blue Like You campaign and being honest about my own experience.
About Project Blue Depression is the third most common cause of illness among women, yet ironically, while 1 in 4 women will experience depression in their lifetime, many women still feel uncomfortable talking about their condition or seeking professional help because of the social stigma that continues to surround mental illness. What if we had the power to change that? Here’s the scary part: we do! ... Imagine what could be possible if women across the world started sharing their experiences of feeling blue openly and freely? Our collective identification with and acceptance of depression would liberate our mothers, sisters, friends, colleagues and communities from the shame of stepping forward to speak about, and get treatment, for depression. Blue Like You is a collaborative eBook series which will present 100 candid and authentic experiences of depression in an accessible, female-friendly format. As a community endeavour, all Blue Like You eBooks will be available for free, and will be available through a number of online platforms, including the CL!Q eMag community site. The first eBook includes Monique’s own story, together with those from other brave Australian women, plus helpful information about depression. If you would like to find out more or become part of the blue community, please visit www.projectblue.org. If you would like to share your story in the next Blue Like You eBook, please download a submission form from the website or you can email your submission directly to Monique. Monique Van Dijk - founder Connect with Monique: of Project Blue. Moniques Website - www.projectblue.org has a contract marketing and Email - project.bluelikeyou@gmail.com communications gig in Brisbane Facebook - www.facebook.com/bluelikeyou where she lives with her hubby, Twitter - www.twitter.com/bluelikeyou and is currently establishing an online resource hub for those in the creative industries, and she is also working on a few books.
BLUE LIKE YOU
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Common behaviours / symptoms associated with depression:
Getting help It is normal to feel sadness, but if sad feelings persist and are out of proportion, you may be experiencing depression. There are many symptoms common to the experience of depression, however, the experience is unique for every individual and you should seek professional help instead of relying on a selfdiagnosis. The first step in recovery is identifying and acknowledging depression in your life. This will give you the ability to access and receive help and support, and to take action to begin to manage depression in your life. A wonderful online resource for further information about depression is BeyondBlue, the national depression initiative www.beyondblue.org.au If you, or anyone you know, needs urgent assistance or needs someone to talk to, please visit www.lifeline.org.au or call 131 114 for 24 hour phone counselling.
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