94.8 by The Clocktower

Issue 94.8

Union College

10/30/19

TheCLOCKTOWER

PC: nbcnews.com

Whats Inside huuge world event recap

the global citizen

Page 05 Bob Ross

Page 08 Strawberry Tales Page 11 Allyson Felix

ello everyone and welcome to The Apprentice, I mean, the Oval Office. Sorry, sometimes when I work in front of the cameras so much I get confused. I would love to take a moment and tell everyone about the great and marvelous work happening in the world these days thanks to my great and unmatched wisdom! First, I would like to mention that the economy is doing great and one reason itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s great is because of the winning I did with the World Trade Organization on the subject of the European Union! Only my negotiation skills and business experience could make sure that the United States of America stays number one with these trade deals and subsidies. We will make sure the American economy stays making huuuge leaps and bounds ahead of everyone else by taking back taxpayer money. Also, I would like to thank Turkey for agreeing to the ceasefire against the Kurds who were our other allies just a while ago. Our plan is to make the ceasefire permanent Continued on page 2.

2| Clocktower Staff everywhere. We don’t like allies attacking allies, so I placed Editor-in-Chief a very effective series of economic sanctions on Turkey and I Jovan Cross believe that after five days they will have learned their lesson Assistant Editor and will start to play nice with the Kurds. The sanctions will Juliet Bromme lift soon and hopefully, we can all go back to getting along. Layout Editor Hong Kong is still a mess. Those people don’t seem to know what’s going on anymore, while we have China who Chrisheline Kalawo wants to take control and keep the peace. Yes, I know that Social Media Editor they are pro-democracy but they’re pursuing it at the most Nicole Mckenzie inconvenient time. I’m still trying to work on reaching Website Manager a deal that will let us win this trade war with China! Celinda Mansilla The Amazon is still burning, but that’s fine, the trees will grow back. I did not agree to the G7 aide package to Section Editors help support the fire-fighting . The fires are a natural part Max Bromme of life and the Amazon is a big enough rainforest so it’s not Katie Buxton that big of a deal. The Democrats and Liberals want to say Claudia Bauermeister that this will negatively affect global warming but climate Photographers change isn’t real so there’s literally nothing to worry about! If you don’t believe me on how great of a job I’m Levi Ventura- Head doing, just go and check out some of these fact-checking Enoc Teron websites below and you can see for yourself! I am the Joseph Lee only one who can lead America to victory so much Adreana Ward that the American people will get tired of winning! Life Writers www.FactCheck.org or www.Politifact.com Alexander Nesmith Hannah Armstrong Religion Wesley Rodriguez-Diep is a senior Jade Covel studying international relations. Art Gianna Starr Entertainment TJ Pittinger Political Gabriel Zita Jacob Sanchez Sports Sierra Sanchez News Drew Hickman World News Wesley Rodriguez-Diep Social Media Instagram -@clocktowerasb Twitter - @ClocktowerASB Facebook -The Clocktower

REcap...

Canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Speak

ACA

PC: Ohio State Football Twitter

Alexander Nesmith is a sophomore studying communication.

ADVICE

hey hannah Hey Hannah, How do I stop watching Netflix instead of doing my homework? -Ned of Netflix Do your homevork first and then vatch Netflix. Use Netflix as a motivation to get your stuff done. If this is hard for you, schedule your time visely so that you can efficiently finish vat you need to get done. Vatching Netflix isn’t a bad thing, but don’t let it get in the vay of your grades because it honestly isn’t vorth it. Union is expensive so if you vanna vaste your money by messing around then go ahead.

Hey Hannah, What’s the best way for a college student to get a car? -Carless Carrie One of the best vays to buy a car is to buy one used because it’s more affordable. If you’d rather vait for your dream car then I vould suggest saving money each month until you can afford it. There are vebsites online that show the value of a used car and it vill help navigate vether or not it’s vorth buying. Vebsites like CarDirect and CarGuru make it easy to plug in the model and year you’re looking for. Ultimately, do some research before making a purchase. Hey Hannah, Ok so last week this guy asked me out, and I was like yeah man let’s do it, but he hasn’t contacted me since. I sent him a text but he just hasn’t gotten back to me. Should I try again or just drop him dead? - Forgotten Francine I can guarantee that he isn’t vorth your time since he’s making you vait around. If this dude can forget you this qvick he

probably isn’t ready for a relationship. If you think he deserves your time, let him come to you. But know your vorth gorl. Hey Hannah, I feel like dropping out, what should I do? -Drowning Daryl Analyze vhy you’re feeling this vay. Is it because you feel a future that doesn’t involve college is really for you, because you don’t vant to put in the vork to succeed or do you really just need to take time to sort out your mental/physical health? However you’re feeling, find the root of the problem and then make the necessary changes. College isn’t for everyone, and if college is vhat you vant, you don’t have to finish in four years. Society normalizes the feeling of needing to “just get it done”, but if this isn’t for you, then don’t put yourself in a box you don’t vant to be in. I took a year off to do the ACA program in Spain my sophomore year and it vas the best year of my life. I don’t regret taking a year that vas all about ME. I needed that year to live my dream of going abroad and it gave me time to figure out vhere I vanted my life to go. Take the time to figure out vhere you vant your life to go because in ten years, you’ll vish you had listened to your heart.

PC: Joseph Lee

Hannah Armstrong is a senior studying health and human performance.

ARTS

to paint or not to paint

ey guys, could I interest you in an amazing chance? Have you heard of this exciting opportunity? To learn the stupendous skills of an artist called uuuummmm give me a second. I almost have his name. Ohh Bob…. hhhmmmm Bob something? Oh, shoot I forgot his name. What is it? Hold on, hold on, don’t go anywhere. Oh, boy Bob Ross! The opportunity is in the Lincoln area: to learn how to do your very own Bob Ross painting. Wait, I bet all of you are wondering why you should go to one of these events? Well, it’s coming up to the wonderful Christmas season where you gotta give mom or dad or someone a gift. The hours you work at the Krusty Krab don’t really cover a whole lot at this time. Mister Krabs is still so stingy with only a dime an hour. Now I have a big hunch you are wondering what these paintings you’re going to be learning at an event like this are. A Harvest Moon is one of the themes of your own Bob Ross painting. This concept fits so perfect with early November. Another concept that will be demonstrated is the Milky Way

PC: Forbes.com

Magic. Be able to create a beautiful cluster of stars that is often seen when you’re in Montana. To really experience the coming snow of the Nebraskan winter, try painting the Winter’s Glow. When painting this, you’ll feel the winter coming. Butttt, you might not be in a wintery mood, so try painting Prairie Cactus. Here you can make your own desert filled with sand dunes and cacti. Hey, so if any of this interests you and you want to learn more about theses opportunities, go to https://www. southeast.edu/cenew/arts-crafts-hobbies/! Gianna Starr is a senior studying history.

PC: theblast.com

DEMOCRATIC?

why bother running? T

he following is a true and accurate representation of the Republican Party: When Donald Trump promised us America would win if he got elected, I don’t think anyone completely understood how much winning we’d have. Three years later, Trump truly has made America greater than anyone could’ve imagined. Anyone in their right minds would want four more years of one of the best presidents of our lifetime! We all know that the Democrats don’t want the best for this country. They have tried to thwart President Trump at every turn; everything from this “impeachment” scam to making up scandals has been about the Democrats stopping President Trump’s attempts to make this nation great. Nevertheless, they have failed at every attempt, which is why there are so many running for President: they want every chance to beat Donald Trump. We’ll examine some of the “plausible” candidates for the 2020 Presidential race. Joe Biden: Starting off with one of the worst options, we have former Vice-President Joe Biden. Why anyone would want to vote for

him is beyond me. He keeps bringing up his time as VP for former President Obama as is it was a good thing. He clearly wants to go backward and undo all the good Donnie has done, so this is an easy no from me. Bernie Sanders: Folks, we have a literal Communist running to be President of the United States. Let that sink in. If he gets elected, he and his cronies like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez will try to give people “free” stuff while taxing the bejeezus out of everyone and creating us into the United Soviet States. Elizabeth Warren: Pocahontas is also trying to be in the Oval Office. She’s just as bad as Bernie, except she might not get a heart attack when in office. She’s a “Democratic Socialist” - like Comrade Bernie - who keeps saying she has a plan, but in reality, just wants to destroy America’s middle class. Kamala Harris: From the liberal hell-state of California, the former attorney is running to challenge Donald Trump. Attacking our beloved President is her only policy point: she really expects that to get her elected! DONALD JOHN TRUMP: The best president of our lifetime is running for four more years. After reversing the mess that Obama made, our President has done more than ANY other President ever. I can only imagine what strides our country under Trump in another four years! Especially in this time of great divide I ask once again that no matter which side you are on, pray for the leaders for our country. May God bless each one of you. Gabriel Zita is a junior studying psychology.

PC: huffpost.com

A look at our candidates S ooner than we realize we will be voting on a cold November day to decide who will be our next president or if Trump will remain for another four long years. We saw the glorious Barack leave behind a legacy the next Democratic president may not be able to live up to. Let’s take a look at who are our top five candidates-- one of them could very realistically face Donald Trump in the final race. Up first we have the great and marvelous Senator Elizabeth Warren of Massachusetts. As we look upon her great policies we wonder if she is a good fit for the White House. Will she live up to all the claims and promises? Will her picture look nice on our kitchen sink or on shirts during our protests? But is she who we want? Is she the one we want to pour our Democratic ideals on for the next four to eight years? Next we have the one and only Obama child, the most amazing Joe Biden. We love Biden, the way he sniffs hair and reminds us 24/7 that he is very close to Obama. If we do choose to make his rise to the top happen we could see the Obama legacy live on. Obama’s grace and elegance can be seen once again in our White House.

PC: Nationalreview.com

REPUBLICAN?

PC: abc13.com

And then we have our passionate speaking Kamala Harris. She reigns from the great flagship Democratic state of California. She walks with the grace of Michelle and the passion of Hillary. All of the times we have seen her righteous furry reign down on Republicans has made us proud to have her as a candidate. Up next we have America’s favorite and oldest socialist-- Senator Bernie Sanders. What does he bring to the table? He brings hope to a future Socialist America. Isn’t that what we all look forward too?How could we not vote for Bernie? Why would we not want to follow Vietnam and Cuba’s way of government? Bernie is really onto something and all of us millennials just can’t get enough! His 100 years in politics makes him the perfect candidate. And last but not least on the Republican side for this 2020 election, we have the reigning big bad orange machine of a man President Donald J. Trump. We have never before seen a man’s tweets have millions of dollars worth of media coverage on a daily basis. Does he have the Democratic vote for 2020? It’s up to us. Are we going to give him another four years to prove that we made the right choice or did we really screw this one up? The ball is in your court America. Who will you choose to be the next President of the United States of America? Jacob Sanchez is a freshman studying general studies.

RELIGION

str awberry tales B ob: Hey kids! Welcome to Fruit Tales! Larry: And we’re here to answer your questions. Bob: Today we got a question from Violet. She said, “Do distractions affect our relationship with Jesus?” Let’s tell the story of the Strawberries. Larry: Jade’s family used to own and operate a u-pick strawberry farm when she was a kid. She remembers planting what seemed like endless rows of strawberries! In the spring her dad cultivated and tilled the field so the dirt was nice and soft, and then for several days her whole family tucked tiny strawberry plants into rows, each plant a foot apart from the last one. All throughout the summer, Jade and her sister Calista, had to weed that acre of strawberries almost every day. The next year, her dad decided they needed to plant more, so they planted - tuck cover, tuck cover, tuck cover - another acre. When a new strawberry bush is first planted, the blossoms have to be picked off to give it a chance to establish itself. Within a year, a spindly row of berries can be a wide, productive row of berries. By the time they planted that second acre, the first acre had filled out and was beautiful and productive. However, the second acre got neglected because Jade and Calista focused on weeding and caring for the first acre. When they did eventually go back to the second acre, weeds had choked out the strawberry plants. Bob: Larry, you know what this reminds me of? A parable Jesus told, in which a farmer planted a crop and some of the seeds landed in good dirt and others landed in a bunch of weeds. The ones that landed in good dirt produced a good crop, but the ones that landed in the weeds died. Jesus said the seeds planted represented hearing His teachings, and the dirt and weeds represented the different types of people that hear them. Some people eagerly accept what they have heard and keep growing

and improving their relationship with Jesus, just like the first acre of strawberries Jade planted. It grew healthy and produced well. Larry: And the second acre Jade planted, or the weeds in the parable, represents people that hear what religion is about, and may even agree with it, but then get distracted by school, entertainment and maybe even by friends. Bob: Okay. It’s time to talk about what we’ve learned today. We learned that we need to weed out the distractions in our lives to make room for Jesus. Larry: That second acre of strawberries in the story never recovered. If Jade had put effort into weeding and caring for it, eventually it could’ve, but it still would have started producing later than it could’ve. Bob: Let’s see if Qwerty has a verse for us today. “I will meditate on your precepts and fix my eyes on your ways” Psalm 119:15. Larry: I want to make sure that I avoid distractions from God so that I can develop to the full potential He has planned for me. Do you? Bob: And remember kids, God made you special and He loves you very much. Both: Goodbye!

PC: yogawinetravel.com

Jade Covel is a junior studying religion.

SPORTS

PC:Baylor.edu

a concert in lincoln I fyouhadseen me on October 4th,youwouldhaveseen mewithalargesmileonmyface. Wealllistentoanartistwe wanttoexperienceliveand inperson.*Breathe*Wewant tofeelthatartist’senergyand styleinperson.Forme,thatartistisLecrae. IhavewrittenaboutLecraebefore. H e i n t r o d u c e d m e t o r a p . SinceIwas12yearsold,*Breathe*Ihave wantedtoattendaLecraeconcertandlose myvoiceyellingthelyricsrightalongwith thesongs.IwasabletoonOctober4th. *Breathe* IfoundoutthatLecraewascoming to Lincoln andIrealizedthiswasthechanceIhadbeen waitingfor.Ipreviouslyhadtheopportunityto seehimlive,butitdidn’tworkoutbecausethe concertwasthreehoursawayfrommyhouse. Something always seemed to keep me from attending, whether it was money or lack oftransportation.Lecrae’sLincolnconcert wasachanceIwasn’tgoingtoturndown. * B r e a t h e * Thebuild-uptotheexperiencewaskilling me.Iboughtmyticketsamonthbeforethe concertanditfeltliketheconcertwouldnever

happen.Icouldfeelmybrainexplodewhen thedayfinallyarrived.Iwentwithmyroommate andtwootherfriends.*Breathe*Wearrivedat thevenue,boughtsomemerchandfound ourseats.WhenItookmyseat,Icouldfeel myheartpoundinginexcitement.Iwas readyforwhatIhadbeenwaitingfor. ThefirstsongLecraeplayedwasoneofmy favorites.WhenIheardthefirstpartofthebeat IyelledasloudasIpossiblycouldlikethefangirl *Breathe*Iam.Everywordofthesongcame frommymouthrightalongwiththesong.The energywasamazing.Throughoutthewhole concertthecrowdwasenergetic.Lecrae broughteverythinghehad.*Breathe*I witnessedtheconcertthatIbuiltup forsuchalongtimeinmyheadandit wasn’tadisappointment.Itwas exactlywhatIthoughtitwouldbe.*Breathe* TJ Pittinger is a freshman studying theology.

10 |

UNION NEWS

Observing the ‘Society of Adventist Communicators’ Ritual

ello and much greetings! I’m reporting back to the almighty Tallest! Normally I wouldn’t be making a report if there wasn’t anything meaningful to report on, and there almost wasn’t. The denizens of this filthy rock lead simple, routine lives and almost never do anything out of the ordinary. But while making my regularly scheduled observations on the “people,” I found a group doing something… different. I’m presenting my findings in this very official document, to be broadcasted into deep space! A group seemed to be heading towards a place called “Albuquerque,” for some sort of event at a large place full of box rooms. Other groups of humans came in droves to the same location, and I suspected t h a t something r a t h e r menacing was afoot. The fate of my invasion was obviously in danger. I decided to lay low as one of them and create a counter-attack of genius measures. Over the next few days, I observed this “Society of Adventist Communicators,” their mundane naming schemes, and equally failing attempts to stop the Irken empire. The convention took place over three agonizingly boring days. During the first they toured various media stations and discussed their agenda. The following day saw the PC: scmp.com

humans displaying various new technologies to film with their cellular phones. Both of these were obviously trying to crack down on surveillance: he who controls the cameras controls the world! The third and final day was very barren of content, but the simple fools did ride a tram up to the top of a mountain. It would make a very conspicuous base. What a waste of time. The humans seemed to get quite a bit out of it though. Their leader, a “Professor Lori Peckham,” tricked herself into believing this was an enlightening strategic move: “This convention offers outstanding opportunities to increase your skills through workshops and network with professionals in the communication field. It was a highlight to see the Union College students make those connections.” Little did she know she gave me ALL of their inside information as to their ultimate goal! Once again, I have made it that much more easy for the almighty Tallest to annihilate this disgusting dirt clod! So please come soon. Please.

Drew Hickman is a sophomore studying communication.

SPORTS

s.s. sports

| 11

PC: essence.com

ver the weekend of Sept. 30, Allyson Felix ran in the mix-gender relay at the World Championships. She secured her 12th career gold medal at the track and field event, breaking Usain Bolt’s previous record of 11 gold medals. ANY QUESTIONS? Usain Bolt is considered to be the fastest man in the world. Felix has competed in the Olympics four times and has won six gold medals in those events. This story is even more amazing because Nike dropped Felix as a sponsored athlete a few months ago because she wanted to take a break from sports and start a family. Now she’s come back and snagged the world record. Most amazing of all is that she won the 4x400 10 months after giving birth to her daughter via C-section. ANY QUESTIONS? She also suffered from serious preeclampsia, which is a pregnancy condition in which the mother suffers from high blood pressure. Her goal for 2020, as she announced via Instagram, is to “Make my 5th Olympic team! It’s the hardest team to make and I never take anything for granted.” She hopes to bring more medals home. ANY QUESTIONS? Simone Biles has once again made history after breaking the record for most world medals ever earned by a gymnast. ANY QUESTIONS? During the last day of the World

Gymnastics Championships, she earned her record-breaking 24th gold medal, which is the most ever earned by a male or female gymnast in history. After a “quick” break, she returned to the floor and earned her 25th gold. The previous record of 23 world medals was set by Belarusan Vitaly Scherboin 1996. Both of these women have remarkable talents. ANY QUESTIONS? They are breaking records no one thought they could.

PC: nypost.com

Sierra Sanchez is a freshman studying biomedical science.

12 |

MISC. CORNER

November

31 uGather

7 uGather

14 uGather

Tacky Turkey Sweater Run Preview Days 7:30 pm

International Club World Cup 9:00 pm

16 Barn Party 6:30 pm

uGather

THANKGIVING BREAK

SUDOKU 6

5 3 7

Candy corn was originally called “chicken feed”.

6 3

4 9

DID YOU KNOW:

5 1 2 3 8

7 1 3 6 2

6 4 6

5 2 3 9

http://www.sudokuessentials.com/easy_sudoku.html

THE PUNDERBOWL I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn’t find it very humerus.

The Clocktower encourages reader feedback and strives to maintain accuracy. If you have comments, please email us at cltower@gmail.com. The Clocktower, established in 1927 and sponsored by the Associated Student Body of Union College, is published semi-weekly during the fall and spring semesters. The opinions expressed are the opinions of the writers and are not to be construed as the opinion of the editors, Associated Student Body, Union College, or the Seventh-day Adventist Church.