Log of Shame

APRIL BLANKINSHIP AND TONI GARCIA

Contributed

February 9th

Just before 7 a.m., a homeowner reported that when they had gone to turn off their porch light they noticed that the light bulb was missing. What kind of person had the bright idea to steal a porch light? You can get them for a dollar at the store. Let us hope their next bright idea does not involve illegal activity.

February 10th

Around 7 a.m. on Cromwell Ave, a call came in regarding theft at the community mailbox. When officers arrived, they noticed that multiple boxes had been compromised and mail taken from them. I do not know about everyone else, but I get a lot of junk mail and bills. Unless these thieves really want to pay my bills, sell their house for cash, or want coupons from the grocery store, they should look into getting a job for steady income.

February 11th

Around 4 p.m. at a big box store on Shaw Ave, an unidentified man walked into the store and walked out with a package of diapers, laundry detergent pods and a remote-control car. Sounds like he went in with good intentions and got distracted by the toys. He must not have had enough money for all of it and he knew if he came home to his wife without diapers and laundry detergent, he was dead. His choice was to make a run for it. His wife must be scarier than police so, jail might be better than going home to an angry wife.

February 12th

A report for a vehicle burglary came in around 9 a.m. over on Minnewawa Ave. Someone had used a brick to break into the car and stole a pink leather diaper bag. The perpetrator must have been surprised when they found nothing but diapers, a blanket, and some baby bottles.

February 13th

Just after 7 a.m. on Karen Ave, a report came in about a vehicle burglary. The thief had managed to take an autopsy saw, some paperwork and make up. This sounds like an undertaker kit! Hopefully, with them stealing that would scare them stiff and deter them from stealing from random stranger’s cars.

February 14th

A man walking down the street was attacked by a random dog just after 4 p.m. The poor man had to spend the rest of his night in the hospital getting stitches for his wounds. Instead of getting love bites from his valentine, he was getting bites from a dog. I do not think this was the valentine’s day he was looking forward to.

February 15th

At 11 p.m., a homeowner on Woodworth Ave reported an attempted burglary. When police arrived, they noticed damaged on the garage doors. Luckily, the homeowner caught them as they were coming home, and they took off running but left behind their tools. Not a clever idea to leave evidence behind while you are committing a crime, buddy. Do not quit your day job.

February 16th

At a big box store on Clovis Ave, just before 1 p.m., store employees reported that someone had taken five aluminum caps off generators. That is a random thing to steal. Guess they thought they would be valuable because they were metal. You are better off sticking to cans out of the dumpster. The dumpster sounds right up your ally!

February 17th

At a convenience store on Clovis Ave, a man was attempting to buy items with a stolen credit card. When the cashier asked the man for ID, he gave him the stolen ID he had. The cashier ended up taking the card and ID from the man and called police. When police arrived, the man was still on the scene outside smoking meth behind the dumpster! It turns out the man was on parole and wearing an ankle monitor. He was arrested for impersonating another person, theft, and drug activity. It is time to lay off the drugs when you are too high to realize when you have already been caught!

February 18th

Around noon on Richert Ave, a homeowner reported their package had been stolen from their front porch along with miscellaneous junk mail. The thief must have been surprised when they opened the package to find nothing but a bottle of lotion! That was not what they were looking for but at least their skin will be hydrated for the rest of this dry winter!

February 19th

A little after 2 p.m., a man who reported that his ex-girlfriend had broken into his house and vandalized his property. Apparently, the woman had broken into the home to retrieve her items but on the way out, decided she would spray paint the windows of his car! Unlucky for her, she was caught in the act and was hauled off to jail for vandalism and burglary.

February 20th

Just before midnight on Pollasky Ave, two best friends had just left the bar and were walking down the street being loud and singing the Macarena. An officer just so happened to pass by to hear the lovely ballads the pair were singing as they stumbled down the street. The officer stopped the friends, and it became obvious the two were drunk. Unfortunately for the pair, their singing skills did not keep them out of jail, and they were booked into the drunk tank for the night where they can sing their hearts out.

February 21st

At 9 a.m. on Shaw Ave, an officer was attempting to pull over a white van that had run a red light. After the officer flashed his lights, the driver of the van decided he was not going to pull over and sped away from the police. As it turns out the man was on parole and had tampered with his ankle monitor. He was eventually pulled over and taken into custody. It is not like he was going to go far; they had a tracking device on him anyways, but he must have forgotten. Next time, might do you well to remember to obey all laws.

February 22nd

At roughtly 3 p.m. at a gas station on Clovis Ave, a man stopped in to get fuel for his lawn mower and fill up his gas tank. He set an empty gas can down on the ground and began to fill up his car first. After a few moments, a random guy ran up and took the empty gas can, jumped into a nearby car and sped away. Gas is expensive but you just stole an empty gas can, buddy. Do not attempt to steal things from strangers. Sounds like his plan just went up in flames.