12 . Clovis Roundup Community Newspaper Connect with us @ClovisRoundup
www.ClovisRoundup.com . Wednesday, May 11, 2022
LOG OF SHAME TONI GARCIA Contributed
April 20th, 2022 Officers pulled a car over just before 2 a.m. for running a red light. It turns out the driver is a convicted felon. Not only did he just run a red light, but he also had no license. What a stupid move, this will put him in hot water with his parole officer. Officers went ahead and booked him into county where he can now explain to his parole officer why he was driving around at 2 a.m. with no valid license. Good luck with that, buddy! April 21st, 2022 At an apartment complex on Shaw Ave, just after 12 p.m. a call came in regarding a person with a gun. Officers quickly responded to find a convicted felon in possession of a loaded weapon. The man was arrested and transported to jail for possession of a loaded firearm. The felon better hope this doesn’t send them to prison yet again but maybe it should because obviously they didn’t learn the first time! April 22nd, 2022 Around 10 a.m., a homeowner on Temperance Ave. went outside to run an errand when they noticed that quite a bit of their chain link fence had been stolen. Whoever stole the fence must have really needed it for their own home to keep, well, thieves like them out of their own home. That seems rather ironic. Time to start putting up electric fences, that will be a real “shock” to these thieves. April 23rd, 2022 At a gym on Shaw Ave, a man locked his bike up and headed into the gym for his work out just before 4 p.m. As he headed to the locker room, he saw a stranger trying to take his bike off the rack. The police were called, and the man was found still riding the bike. When he was approached, he tried to say it was his bike and he was heading home. Obviously, the man was lying and ended his bike ride with officers putting him into the back of their patrol vehicle. Hope that little ride was worth it because now he will be spending time in jail for it. April 24th, 2022 Just before 10 a.m. a Clovis resident came out of their house for a walk when they noticed their shoes that they had left on the porch were gone. Someone had taken the resident’s sneakers off of the porch. Who wears other people’s shoes? With any luck, they will catch a foot fungus from putting their feet in other people’s shoes and serves them right. Next time, buy your own shoes instead of stealing from someone else’s front yard! April 25, 2022 A vehicle owner on Keats Ave reported their car had been vandalized just before 11 a.m. When police arrived, they found the car had all tires punctured and the brake lines cut! Maybe the owner had wronged a mob boss or worse, a crazy ex! Either way, it is probably best to keep your car in your garage for a while and get a security system. April 26th, 2022 At a local big box store on Herndon Ave just before 3 p.m., a woman attempted to leave the store without paying for an item. It was not just any item, it was a very obvious one. The woman attempted to steal a kayak. It is unclear as to what her plans were after that because she had no car to transport the kayak. Maybe she thought she could row it down the street on one of these rainy days. Regardless, it was not a well thought out get away plan and she will have time to think about it while she sits in jail. April 27th, 2022 Just before 2 p.m. at a thrift store that donates to needy people, someone came in to buy items and used a counterfeit $100. What kind of person steals from needy people? This is a new kind of low to use counterfeit money to obtain goods that are donated to help others in need. Sounds like these thieves are also in need, in need of a good old fashion butt whooping! April 28th, 2022 Just before 1 a.m. at a bar on Herndon Ave, a call came in regarding a man outside who was starting fights with other patrons for no reason. When the police arrived and they tried to talk to the man about calming down and spending the night in the drunk tank, he decided he would try to run instead. Unfortunately for him, he was so intoxicated that he could hardly stand let alone run and the police caught him. He was hauled off to jail, but I have a feeling he will not be trying to practice his MMA moves in jail. April 29th, 2022 At a retail store on Herndon Ave around 8 p.m., a known thief walked into the store and stole a bunch of fitness trackers and tobacco products. For some reason that seems counterproductive to take health trackers and nicotine products. She must be trying to appeal to both consumers with the stolen goods, the healthy group and the smokers. Maybe she can track how many steps she takes while she is running from the law. April 30th, 2022 Just before 8 p.m., a homeowner reported that four of their succulent plants were stolen right off their front porch on Scandia Lane. Who steals plants off someone’s front yard? Is there a succulent shortage going on? It is really easy to go to almost any nursey and they have succulent plants available to buy from most stores. If these thieves worked at getting a job as hard as they did finding things to steal, they wouldn’t need to steal from the rest of society. May 1st, 2022 At 5 p.m., while police officers were patrolling through Sierra Ave, they witness a truck come barreling down the street around a corner, racing another car. The driver must not have seen the officer and proceeded to do donuts in the street. The driver was pulled over and his truck was impounded. Unfortunately, those are not the types of donuts police officers like so the driver was arrested for reckless driving. May 2nd, 2022 We have another plant burglar! This time it was at a grocery store on Shaw Ave. Just before 8 p.m., the grocery store reported that two people stole plants from a display outside. This must have been the same person who stole plants from someone’s yard a few days prior. So now in addition to other personal property, everyone should be watching out for their plants. Everyone should just plant cacti and watch the thieves get exactly what they deserve, getting pricked. May 3rd, 2022 On Ash Ave just before 1 p.m., reports came in regarding a vehicle burglary. The owner reported the car door had been pried open and a red BBQ grill had been stolen. It seems one of the neighbors saw the BBQ grill in the car and decided it would look nice in their backyard this summer, so they took it. The neighbors are confused as to what exactly a neighborhood watch is. It does not involve you watching what your neighbors have and stealing it! *The above Police Logs are loosely based on actual events. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. The circumstances have been created and embellished for your entertainment.
