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www.ClovisRoundup.com . Wednesday, September 15, 2021
LOG OF SHAME APRIL BLANKINSHIP AND TONI GARCIA Contributed
August 25, 2021 A car was broken into on Sylmar Ave midday. The owner reported a box of art supplies was taken from their vehicle. The thief needed the supplies for their kid’s school art project that was due. I am not 100% sure, but a bad grade is better than theft charges! August 26, 2021 Over on Shaw Ave, there were reports of a suspicious vehicle. When officers investigated, they found a couple in the car with drugs and tools used to break into homes. When the police ran their ID, they come to find out both had warrants out for their arrest! Considering all that was found, the pair won a free trip downtown to the county jail! I would say their date night was over! August 27, 2021 Over on Tenth St, a Clovis resident reported a car break in. They reported that four Jazz CDs were stolen from the car. The thief must really love some Kenny G and Michael Bublé. You did not have to steal from someone to listen to their music. YouTube is free buddy and right about now, it would appear that the blues are more your speed! August 28, 2021 Over at the Wally World, a person was arrested for stealing three bottles of aspirin. The thief must have had a giant headache and needed some relief. Well, he just got an even bigger headache now that he has an upcoming court case. He is going to need that aspirin even more now! August 29, 2021 A gym bag was stolen from the front seat of a car over on Barstow Ave overnight. The bag contained miscellaneous items including, you guessed it, dirty gym clothes! I cannot think of a better gift for a thief than a bag of stinky gym shorts. What exactly did they think they were going to get from a gym bag? Serves them right! August 30, 2021 The “Red Bullseye” store reported a theft after the fact. Employees filed a report stating someone had taken $1,000 in DNA kits and about $400 in clothes. Who cares what your genealogy is when you’re running from the law? This ain’t the Wild West no more, you will be caught! August 31, 2021 A local company that helps the disabled reported they had gas siphoned from four of their vehicles. While gas prices are undoubtedly high, stealing from people who help the disabled is beyond despicable. I would pan handle for money long before I risk the depths of Hades for stealing from people. Period. September 1, 2021 Over on Mitchell Ave, a resident reported a theft of a package off their front porch in broad daylight! There were a pair of event tickets in the package that they had been waiting to get for weeks! The tickets were for an upcoming children’s musical that the homeowner was taking their young child to. Joke is on the thief! Hope you enjoy the Barney show Jackwagon! September 2, 2021 Three neighbors on the same block reported that two of their four tires had been taken directly off their cars! It is safe to say that it was more than likely the same person that now has six tires! What in world joker? Do you live near a construction site and nails keep puncturing your tires so you need an endless supply of back ups just in case. I understand times are tight, but not worth a police record. September 3, 2021 A property owner off Pierce Drive reported an accident on their property. The owner stated that a car had jumped the curb and took down the metal fence that was surrounding the parking lot of the property! The crazy driver then backed up and took off as if nobody were going to notice the damage to the property or the car. If anyone sees a car driving around the area with some serious front end damage and dragging some chain link, it is more than likely is this guy! September 4, 2021 A good Samaritan found a catalytic converter in the road on Barstow Ave. It had been abandoned (or lost) by thieves while they were trying to escape the area. The thief forgot the most important part about his job; do not lose the valuables. Crime does not pay! Karma. September 5, 2021 A car owner on Willow Ave caught thieves trying to take off their catalytic converter. Luckily, for the car owner, it was only partially cut. It must have been the guys from the night before who lost one in the road and they were attempting to make up for the lost one! Looks like now they are now out TWO items! That is what you get! September 6, 2021 Over off Herndon Ave, a victim reported the seat off their bicycle that was on their front porch had been stolen. Just the bicycle seat. Someone must have been very desperate for a bike seat. Their seat must have fallen off while they were riding, and they were in a hurry so they took the closest one they could find to avoid some very unpleasant bike riding without a seat. They deserve that unpleasant bike ride after stealing from someone! Jerk! September 7, 2021 On Shaw Ave, a dental office reported a break in. Luckily, nothing was stolen but what exactly were the thieves looking for? A new set of dentures, perhaps? My suggestion would be to make an appointment when the dentist is in and have yourself fitted or does committing crimes not come with insurance? You should find a job with benefits that way you can get dentures the right way! *The above Police Logs are loosely based on actual events. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. The circumstances have been created and embellished for your entertainment.
